Into the shadows: Njord

[Hellblazer]

Threas, Jular 5, 1431

What am I doing, by trying to push that pain away, I'm also pushing her away. She discovered me too easily, and confronted me. The talk went so bad. We .. I .. I don't know why I told her those things. But at the same time, part of them are true, she doesn't care if she hurts me, even by how she acted with Hedessa, proved it.

I don't know ... I just don't know anymore.. the shadows seems so simple.. so calling... Maybe I'd find my peace there...

[Hellblazer]

Mulnari, Oclar 23, 1431

I've grown founder of Alatriel, and I think she has too. I don't know what will happen in the future, but for now, as I told her, I will take the time to figure things out. She seemed to agree with that, but I do wonder how it would be to be with someone that is not.. how to put it, complicated.

She stood out, because she doesn't try to stand out. She is who she is, without apparat, without trying to seduce. We have a lot more in common that I would have imagined. It's refreshing in a way to have met someone who knows what I have been through. Not that I wouldn't have wished her to have a better childhood, but she knows how it feels.

I still love Jaelle, and it will never change, which may be sad for Alatriel if she comes to fall for me. But things have taken a turn for the better and for the worst too.

We are back together, but no one will ever be able to know. The things she thought I could not bare... and decided to push me away for, I had already lived with her. There for I know I can bare them. Doesn't mean it will be easy, not at all, but I know that the things she will do, she will do for a goal. I know what that is like, as I have had let people die or get hurt at times, to make sure that the goal at the end was reached. It will be hell, but as long as I know that she loves me, and that I love her. I will be by her side.

Which brings me to Laura. If she comes to her, and tries to take her. Jaelle has asked me to promise to let her go willingly at least until I was ready to mount a rescue for her. There is a few people I have to contact, when the time will be right, but I will not let Laura have her ways with the woman I love. Even if I have to die for it.

With this, our love is sealed in a blood oath, first that I had made to never betray the things she would tell me, but then she decided to cut her hand with my dagger, misjudging its sharpness, imitating my own blood oath, and she collapsed unconscious.  I took her hand in mine, the one that i had cut for my blood oath, then healed us both at the same time. When she woke up she saw our hand joined and she smiled softly, first apologizing for collapsing, but then the words that cam out of her mouth were the most liberating force I ever felt.

She squeezed my hand looking deeply into my eyes.
J- We are bound, you and I ...  

Those simple words, uplifted my heart to heights I had never felt it reach before. An she kept going.

Whether we will it or no now. Do you deny it?

B- I do not.
She moved closer to me

B- I will never betray you my love.
I whispered to her as she moved to rest her head on my lap

J- Some of my blood runs in your veins now.
Her soft voice whispering those with grace and love.

B- And some of mine in yours.

J- Yes.

I started smiling to her softly, admiring her beauty as my right hand gently stroked her hair and she looked up at me with a little sad smile.

J- I am afraid it still doesn't change much.

B- It changes what you are willing to let change, and it shows my devotion.

J- It cannot be known, Brian. There's just so much at stake.

I understood the meaning of those heavy words. Our love was to be known only by us, as if it was to be seen, it would put her and I in danger for the things she would do.

J- So if you forget ...

She squeezed my hand again, intently, purposely telling me that our scars would be our reminder of the love we share, what ever the things we would have to do. A concrete reminder of the love she has for me is now permanently hitched in the palm of her hand.

J- I am sorry  to ask it, but it's how it must be.

B- I know.

And then we held each other for a long time, simply, complicatedly. Sharing ourselves and love through the night. I can't say I know the future, where this will end. We may never be able to live a public love, where all around could marvel with us in what love is. Or we may be able to, one day. But I know that I will have to do things on my side too. Things that I will do only to protect her, and what must be kept silent.

I do not know if it is the right thing to do, I do not know if it is even condonable. I have to think very carefully of this and also see, if Jaelle agrees with this. It could very well shatter the life of an innocent.

[Hellblazer]

Mulnari, Decilar 2, 1431

I gave her a flower, well more like slipped one into her pack, while we were at the craft hall in hempstead. Aerimor, Verideth, Leshariel, Aerynne and Caewryn were there. I know she saw it, when I saw her freeze for a moment looking at it, the she placed it safely into a box. Once every one was gone and there was only me and her, I whispered to her that Jaelle was no longer an issue, and that if she wanted it, we could take our time to know each other better. She looked quite surprised, scared maybe the better word and she wanted to talk after the trip I had just organized.

We went to the dragon isle, a trip like any other one, except that Aerimor almost died, but Alatriel was quick to throw a potion at him. Then as they all went away we staid behind and talked. She needed time, but I could see right away there was fear. I asked her what she was afraid of, and she told me that she didn't know if she was ready to learn to love, to have to learn to be alone again once I was gone. I am not going anywhere soon, I told her, and I also told her that we, those who fight for those who can't, the "heroes" as they call it. We had to take what came to us and live it, because we never know when our time is going to be up. It could be six month, it could be a year, but if we don't face our fears, and take what is in front of us, we may never live to learn to love. She wasn't sure if she was ready to love, but in truth, who is ever ready. We are not born ready, we are never ready, we grow into love.

I think it appeased her somewhat, as when I was telling her this simple truth, she reached for my cheek and caressed it softly looking into my eyes. I slowly and gently reached for hers and we agreed to take things slowly. The sun was starting to show its gentle rays on her, her green eyes sparkling with the new born light. I moved to hold her from behind to look at the new day, and she leaned in, in me, relaxing more as the time passed. Then she asked me to go home, words that she uses more often lately. For the past two months and a half she had been staying with me. Me using the couch in the living room and her my room, except for the past two weeks, where I have slept in my room, on the rug, and her still in my bed. She seems to take comfort somehow in that, settling in slowly. Ir is a good thing, something I don't regret.

Before we left for home, as we were watching the sun rise, I commented that we were favored by the light of a raising sun, and slowly kissed her forehead, her smiling and reaching for my cheek with her tender hand. She then took my hand and led us home. She in my bed, and me on the floor again.

Today though.. was a tougher day, I met with her and Raz, bantered with him a bit, where she told me I was behaving. I wanted to laugh there, it was cute. Raz didn't know it was me either, well he only met me once, while I was masked. Anyhow we were planning to go and get some Aloe, but some last mining business came on, and Ella had to go. I talked a bit more with Raz, the guy seems more lost than me at times. I left him there after a while, not before leading him on a bit on poor unsuspecting Emie. Told him she loved flowers and that he should go talk to her. I feel almost guilty about that, almost. I wonder what she will do to him, maybe she'll just smirk, maybe more, it's hard to know with her.

Anyhow I went to collect the Aloe for Ella, and got word from Elohanna. She was back at her place and was available to see me. As we were speaking of business, things went and turn sour. Just before I was going to leave, she asked me the one question I was not ready to answer. "Why do I feel you are very familiar? I didn't see it before but now I do"

I don't know why exactly I told her, but I knew that if I didn't she would keep searching, so I started to tell her my story, which straight in the middle she completed by saying "It's Rain isin't?" I was floored, she knew what I was talking about. She told me that he had changed, that he was atoning for what he did, and that I should meet them. I didn't really know what to say, but I told her I couldn't yet and made her swear never to tell them, which she did. The she leaned in to hug me and kissed my forehead calling me her nephew. I was petrified at that.. I don't know why I just was. I helped her to her room, Soon apparently I will have a surrogated cousin of sort.

Then I met Alatriel outside, and after a little talk on how I would have to face them one day, we went home. She sleeping now in the bed while I'm writing this, she tried to convince me to let her sleep on the floor. But I'm starting to get used to it myself.

All of this.. I didn't know it was going to be this hard on Jaelle. I knew it would, but not this hard. I told her of my plan, she wasn't please one bit at the idea, but after some talk she understood why I was doing it. Since then we have spent as much time as we could secretly together. I miss her terribly, and to tell the truth, the only way I am able to go through this, is to think of her there, in front of me, instead of Alatriel.

Our last trip, me and Jaelle, was the toughest yet. She kept picturing me with her, and it is hurting her. At the end she had erected a wall again, and it got to me. I started to fight without thought, nearly getting really hurt too. She was angry at me for not fighting as she knows I can, and asked me who I was trying to punish her or me. I was punishing myself.. for hurting her.. for putting her through this. Again she came close to me and told me she understood the whys that she didn't like it, but she understood.  She whispered to me in a way I had never heard her do.. it was heartbreaking, I wanted to kidnap her and never be seen again. Somewhere safe, away from every one. For the first time in our lives together, she asked me when she would see me again. It had always been her finding me at her pace.. her controlling our love life, but now.. it is almost as if she was afraid that she would not see me again. I have to be strong for her, if I'm not then who will? I want to be strong for her. Not because I think she is weak, but because she deserves someone who is. I gave her my address for her to send me word, in the form of a contract. Then she asked me in her way, if Alatriel was staying with me. I didn't lie, she is, but she doesn't have a key. She also asked me again, if I knew where to find her. It takes everything I have to tell her that I don't know. I know that if I tell her that I know she lives at Muireann, she will be hurt, feel invaded and close herself. I told her I would if she told me, and she hesitated. Then kissed my cheek saying she would write to me. Then she held on to me for the longest time, whispering.. "please ... come find me soon, some days I feel so lost and alone.. I know you will always be able to find me" I love her so much.. To reassure her and give her a way to see, in public of my love for her, I attached a red chord to one of my scarab. I will never take it off, while I am alive. Then we had to part way. I kissed her goodbye before fading in the shadows, and then while in the cover of the shadows I kissed her once again with all my love. She stood there for a while looking lost and sad, then finally went and got aboard the ship. Ship that I had stowed away myself.

As i was getting the aloe for Ella, I saw her with trith... I know what it is.. but what he said made me pause in my step slightly. I hope it didn't betray me.

"Like you have said to me, you have had enemies and others who would harm me. She said the same ..."

"I was very very young, but it does not bother me ... nothing bothers me"

"What I am getting at is that once I find love, I will do anything to see it through ..."

I wasn't sure if he was threatening her with this or not.. but I had to keep waling, feeling her sight on me, I turned once to look at her, making sure she could see the red Chord. Then I went and vented on the Treeants. They are tougher than they look, when you have no protection on. But i got them and got the Aloe. I walked by them again, but this time I didn't listen.

I have to see her soon, I miss her terribly and I don't want her to think that I have left her. She will alway be the holder of my heat.

[Hellblazer]

Satari, Decilar 28, 1431

Alatriel has closed off a little, it happened after we decided to go fight some Kenku. Unfortunatly they were harder than I had remembered them to be and all of them fell but me. When I finished the last one, they came back to rest on their fall point, but Ella was now very distant.

I didn't see her for a couple of days after that, but when I did, it felt as if she was pushing me away. We had a hard talk at in the craft hall in front of a lot of crafters, but in the end things smoothed out, she was starting to relaxe again and even stole a kiss before she ran away.

An other few days passed then as a group and I were entering the hammerbound mountain, she joined us there. We had a good trip, lots of fun, even more that I was using a new pseudonym "Daniel" The only one who caught up beside Ala who of course would, is Elgon.. my half brother is also my worst nightmare. He can sniff me out just by my scent. I'm going to have to carry some bags of cayenne powder. In any case, Ala made many reference in the trip that she was now ready to come back home soon. And we ended up the night at the little lake in haven. Well I ended up the night, she watched me sleep. And in the morning she was gone, but left me a note. "The shadows are near, I can feel them."


I have spent many days traveling with Jaelle lately, more than ever, and I am happy, sad that we have to hide to be able to live our love, but it is how it is for now. The plan with Alatriel is hard on both of us, but we both know why we are doing it. And it makes every moment with her all the more special, my love for her is unfaltering.

She sent me a contract, carefully imbeded in the message was a point of contact. It was our place, our favorite spot together, the lake of Dream. We spent two weeks there just the two of us, talking, swimming, gathering the things we needed, training. I am happy that even through our deception we are able to be together, and I have to say that ever since our blood oath, she's been more herself. Like if she had stopped pushing and playing games. Maybe that's the kind of assurance she needed. It kinda binds both our heart together, something I know she wouldn't usually do, so I guess this is important to her.. how important though I don't know.

What I do know is that for me it is very important, something I take in with all my heart. Its the beginnings of a rocky fairy tale of sort. Who knew when we started to see each other about 4 years ago, that we would now be bond by something stronger than even the word of a priestess could give us?  I am truly happy though, who knows one day the illusions may totally come down. But for now, we will find ways to be ourselves together, through all the mascarades.

[Hellblazer]

Freas, Jenra 6, 1432

I spent sometime today with Alatriel, mostly talking in hempstead or in the field. Her, me, Aerimor and others. Peaceful time, with gentle laughter.

I also saw Marcus, I have to say that I am ashamed of him in some way. He has the possibility for a great life, love, family. But yet he leaves his pride to blind him and instead of seeing the fault in his own actions, in the reputation he built himself with woman, he places the blame on her.
"she is the one leaving without talking blah blah blah"

He lacks so much common sense at times, that I look like a saint compared to him. I told him what I though, that he should walk over his pride and start to act like the fiance he is suppose to be. TO look for her, and regain her love and respect. After all she went through, he can't expect her to be like she was before. He has to prove to her that he is the man he was, before all of his mess. There is no one else for him to blame than himself. Even if he was charmed by others, he still made the final decision.

Alatriel joined us after that Jaelle came. Odd moment I have to say, but Jaelle as her usual was working her charms on the other men. When Verideth showed up in almost nothing, it was funny that they left together. Marcus saying he needed a tailor, me a savior. And to say that Raz was drooling over walking away. Ela enlighting us about the kiss he received from Jaelle. A comical moment to say the least, and Jaelle leaving after looking at all those present. A few of her past men, possible future one, and Ela, who obviously doesn't hold a closeness to Jaelle heart.

I owe Alatriel a neck massage for her ability to fish with her bare hand, unmatching me at first. I was rusty it seems.

all fun aside, the end of the day was one I wish I could forget

You thought that your past was behind you, never to caught up again, but then it finds you and pulls you back into it mercilessly.

Was the torture of that Pyrterite gnome necessary? maybe.. I don't know. But in the instant where I took back part of my old trade, I felt like when I was back with them. Did I like torturing him? no, without a doubt, as necessary it might have been... I hated it, but I couldn't show it.

I blame my true father of being a monster for murdering over two hundred people of my "adoptive" village.. but in fact I am more a monster than he ever was.

I wish, Jaelle Hadn't been there to witness that side of me, that darkness in me that surpasses the one of the shadows. I don't think she fully realized that I hated what I had done. One the moment, I was emotionless, I had to. You can't do what I did, if you let your emotions surface. But if it wasn't for her, I would have kept going, until there was no skin left to peel off of the gnome.

I don't think that willingly putting my life on the line to save a mother and her child from the burning house, or willing to give my life to stop the Golem, can atone for what I did.

[Hellblazer]

Satari, Mar 28, 1432

Apparently Laura is a bad lier, trying to tell us that Jaelle wanted to convert to Ilsare. She is really dumber than I thought. But the fact is that she came again, and the result is that people think that Jaelle is after Clarisse

My first plan was to find a baby that looked like Clarisse, tattoo her and then use her to get close to laura to strike her a final blow, but even I have to admit that this plan didn't feel right. It's a very sound plan as it would split the heat off in half, and keep Laura guessing, giving us more time, but at the same time..  

Alatriel was sickened by the idea and in the end I chose not to go with it. It brought up nightmares though I remember them.. the village again. I hadn't made those in a few months but apparently they were violent that night.

in the mean time I came up with an other plan, Hanna will go and ask the Aeridinite to make a false urn. We will try to lure Laura to the crossroad with it, where we will deal with her permanently. Hanna told me she would have something for me soon the last time I saw her. And things with Ella seems to have settled down since my first plan. We don't talk about it, which is fine.

Something interesting has happened though, she wanted us to talk to my sister to let her know that she was staying with me most of the time, and so we did. Problem was that Sarah was in her bath and when she came out she was still dripping wet. Izzy came out too and what was supposed to be a simple talk, changed into a let's make Alatriel blush fest. Not to mention that Izzy started to hit on Ella right infront of Sarah.. I'm not to sure what to make of that one.



Since the fiasco that the first plan brought I had to use some sneaking tactics to keep Alatriel for our cover. Once I was out of Hanna's house, I gave my self a very calculated head injury, which combined with faking being passed out, made sure that what she felt would supplant her anger at me for that plan. The night mare where real though.

Jaelle, my love, my heart.. she is jumping into the lions den.. I can't stop her. The hardest choice I have ever had to make. Can I accept that she might die, lose her self to those vampires? all that I love, gone forever?  She asked me that if she was to take harm on Clarisse.. that I kill her.. It's unbearable.. to think that I might have to kill the only one that ever made sense into my life.  She will fight, she said she would. With her last drop of blood, with her last breath, she will fight her. She left me one of her soul stone.. a mark of trust. I can't fail her.

on one of our trips, we went to the firestep, Pig, Wren and Hard, with me and Jaelle. We were left stranded when both of them got killed and we had to retreat. I tried to find out way out but I got killed myself. Leaving my love there stranded. I was keeping my promise to her, to get back to her no matter what the cost, but as I was getting back to her, there she was. She had found the strength to face her fears and went to find the way out. I have to say that for all the days it took me to get where i was, when she found me, I was scared to find her dead out of food or something. I was my heart stopped when I saw her walk toward me, wet, her clothing hardened by the salt, shaking. I held her in my arms and felt like I had failed her, but she reassured me I had not, she knew I would have came back if I could.

Later on in vale, we talked about what had happened, she told me about her prayer to Mist, how she had somehow managed to survive the fall, and how she was brought to swim across the island to reach me. It was a test, a test of will, to see if she would come up and face the challenges, and she did. She told me that she was scared something had happened to me, when she saw the blood and all the enemy circling where I had fallen. I just can't imagine what I would do without her. It's more than a need, it's a burning sensation that course through all my being. Just looking at her work, it's like nothing else matters. But yet I had to go back to Alatriel, preserve the appearances. I told her that soon, hopefully, when all of this is over, we could choose to be ourselves freely or still hidden. She asked me what I would chose. I chose freely, but I am not the only one who has to chose it. I cannot decide for both of us. And it is better to be hidden, than without her.

There is no question, if she dies.. I die, even if my body keeps on. My soul is bound to hers.

[Hellblazer]

Freas, Jular 6, 1432

Alatriel is avoiding me,

I feel like ripping the heart out of Hedessa and burn it until there is nothing left, open her skull and spoon her brain out. The stupid xeen had awaken my sickness by giving me wine before raising me. And Alatriel was left in the after math of not knowing what to do, not knowing if I would be alright, seeing that Jaelle knew more of it than her. But Jaelle was there when the first antidote was given to me, she was dating Marcus at the time. And we were together for almost five years.

The last time we spoke was at Hanna where she told me that she didn't know if it would work out, and now she is avoiding me. I had told her the reason for not telling her was that I was afraid it would push her away. And it did. I haven't seen her for months now, and I had decided to go through alone with taking the antidote, she couldn't deal with it, and I didn't want to burden Elohanna or her so I simply left.

The last time I saw her, I asked her if she wanted to go walk and she said no, that she was with a friend, pointing to Raz. Something about her showed that she was hiding something and avoiding me, I don't know what it is, but I can take some guesses.  There are similarities between her and Jaelle,  the way they close up when something is not right,  the way they push away when something reaches them too close. Could it be that she decided to go with Raz someone safe, someone to forget, wouldn't be the first time that this happens to me.



My love is losing the battle, I can see it, I can feel it. She is confused. Laura has her thinking about immortality, confusing her with signs of friendship, giving her a feather and strong arrows, and now I even heard her ask Abigail to restring a powerful bow that is for a gift to someone, I can only assume it is for Jaelle.  She is failing her promise to fight and I am losing her. I am losing everything...

To help her and protect her, I had to lie to everyone, to Hanna, even my family that still don't know I am their siblings. I have used every one to ensure that my plan would succeed, and now I am face with the only possibility that should not have happened, and it is that the very reason I am fighting, is being taken away from me.

She's hiding something from me, I know its there I know that she feels pulled toward Laura, that when she calls her Mistress, it is not only out of play, but inside of her there is a part of her that believe it to be true. She is becoming the only thing I had never seen her be with anyone... Submissive.

She is becoming dependent of that feather, always playing with it keeping it on her, close to her at all time. We had a huge fight about it at the hall of the weave, where I had to practically rip it away from her to see what she was hiding. And she dared say that she was only playing alone, playing with the trust that Laura was giving her, but I can see it now, she is failing.

I don't even know if I can trust her anymore, not that I have given her any crucial information, beside knowing that it is the plan. But I can't even know if she will be standing with me when it will be the time to end Laura's actions. Our last fight was about her not wanting to tell me an information, being sure that it wouldn't change anything to my decision. I'm actually starting to wonder if she has not fallen for her, maybe even bedded with her.

My world is falling apart. I'm losing everything I have fought for, and the only thing sure I have right now are the shadows. I am failing her, failing to protect her, failing to keep her wanting to fight to live. I'm a failure.

If they all see... no it's only a matter of time now, once they all see what I have done, how I have used all of them to attain our goal, lied to them and used Alatriel.. I will be surely shun from every one, my family, my friends. I know they will not be able to understand the reasons, that I did it for her, by love. But in fact, I cannot blame them. I deserve what will come to me as much as Laura deserves her end of the deal. And I deserve worse than just being shun, that I am sure of.

If there is any God out there, anyone who even cares, may your fury be brought on Laura and end her before I lose the only one that keeps me bound to this world.

[Hellblazer]

Satari, Apreal 14, 1433

almost a year since I last wrote in this journal. Alatriel is gone, Laura is getting what she wanted, Jaelle, and I have been run for a fool. almost changed into a werewolf, and saw the soul mother for the eighth time.

Well Brian.. Njord.. Elyam, who ever I am. You've done it for yourself eh? ready to give your life for a woman, who.. seemingly has given her self to an other. Might as well just go through with it and jump down a in to the lava of the firesteep, quick but painful.

[Hellblazer]

Freas, Mai 20, 1433

Out of the blue, and when it seems one of or worst moment, she comes and propose that we try to live together. At the moment I was very happy, but it didn't take long for the doubts to settle in, and since then all that I had are doubts. Why did she ask, her, that I always imagined as never wanted to be tied down that way to anyone. Already the Oath was a something enormous, but now pushing further and living together??

I can't even say that we live together really, it's been two weeks now, and well half of the time she isn't even here. And the time that she is, half of that she looks like a caged bird, moody ready to explode and then she leaves at night to only come back in the morning, calmed and relaxed. I suspect she is going to "forget" with either ark or any one that passes by...

I was told that I have to learn to be patient and to trust. Maybe it's only a faze. But how can you trust someone that purposively keeps you shut out? That is there, but never there? how can you trust someone that doesn't even trust you back?

As the time go, I find that I am starting to close myself. I'm starting to spend more and more time away from home myself. Or when I am there, I myself seem to be silent. I am starting to feel numbed, disconnected. And to forget, I have found a new drink, no alcohol in it, but somehow it has the same effects. My poison is not awaken though. It's made out of honey water .

I don't know what I'm doing anymore... I'm trying to .. what am I trying? I don't even know that. I don't even know if I'm not used as a cover myself, in the same way Alatriel was our cover. And the more I think of it.. the more I think it's a possibility.

Well my Drink is gone.. time to go out again and make more.

[Hellblazer]

Satari, Seplar 28, 1433

Used, lied to, dominated, kept in the dark for a year, pushed away for a year, left in fear of her safety for a year. I now .. now that I know.., Know that both Hanna and Jaelle had befriended Laura, who was only trying to destroy the two urns, now that the worse is gone apparently, she disappears for almost two months now. But no, wait, she comes to my place and leaves things, but then a few days later, she comes back and takes all her things. Effectively leaving again. And all of that, while avoiding me.

On one side, Hanna tells me that Jaelle loves me, Jaelle told her apparently, and that I need to be patient and supportive, to love her and protect her. And on the other hand, Marcus tells me I should run as far away as possible. That Jaelle will be my death. Even trying to make his point with how many visit I had. And then, just like that, after almost two months of not seeing her, she's sitting candidly in hempstead talking to Caerwyn.

What in the nine hells is going on??? I decided to trust Hanna, and not follow the advice of Marcus. And I still don't even know what's going on.

If that's not enough, Hanna decided to turn herself in. Me and Elgon manage to go with her, but when they took her down in the basement, locking the door behind them with a lock I can not pick. I got worried and asked the Head cleric some questions. Completly ignoring me, I decide to put some pressure on him, and then like that, he tells me to go. Since I had  his attention now, I asked him the questions again, and the next thing I remember is a bright light, blackness, then waking up outside of the temple. No try to persuade me, no try to diffuse the situation peacefully, He just attacked me. If this is how the high priest of Aeridin are, those who have to show the example even more, as it is written in the statue outside of their temple. Show by example with benevolent teaching and actions. He did nothing of this, which leaves me to believe, that they are even more corrupt that what people thinks.

I left North point disoriented.. I should have stayed. Now I don't know what happened to Hanna.

I don't know anything anymore...