Time moves on

[major6]

So I sit here during my daily meditations under a tree out in the fields just outside of Hampshire.  The wind cuts through what leaves remain and a light rain falls from the sky.  All these outside forces though bother me not, I notice them but they are far from my mind.  Unfortunately there is too much on my mind so as hard as I try to find my center I can not truly be at true ease.  What ever happened to my small hamlet in the woods.  Trying to think back to those times I could be carefree and young seems like so long ago yet was no longer than a few months.  How could my world, my mind, my ideals be so changed in so short a time... am I flawed... will I never achieve that which I seek?

I arrived in Hampshire to find a town so immense even the stories I had been told could not truly describe what I found there.  People were everywhere, seeming to have no rhyme or reason yet always moving, flowing from one place to another.  Carefully I made my way through the crowds to a large central fountain.  This area seemed like a local gathering place and a few people sat at the benches in the plaza.  Slowly always careful of my surroundings I walked about this immense town.  Coming to a large building with many craftsman and woman making thier way in and out I followed and what I saw was amazing and I stood there watching all the crafts being plied.  

One man was even nice enough to speak with me and actually took the time to show me around.  Unfortunately, I still can not remember the name of this man as my mind was so filled with information and new things that happened to be one of them that did not stick.  We went through many shops and out into fields and to a nice area which I have a fondness for which tends to be a crossroads.  It really is a nice place to rest.  

As I continue to sit here still trying to reach for my center and finally be a peace more and more of my time here continues to flood into me.  But now it comes at a quicker pace... My first meeting with Tegan.. how did we bond so quickly?  What is it about her that fascinates my mind and makes me feel a need to follow her, learn from her and even protect her which is idiocity in itself as she needs no protection of my kind.  She is like a sister I never had yet this makes no sense to me..  We met in the town while a man was being arrested for murder briefly at first but kept bumping into one another.  Just who is this mysterious woman who during my time so far has been hunted by shapechangers, fought with a kobold who could not be harmed, met with an bounty hunter of a creature beyond fear?  Not only all this but just recently I ran into her defending a goblin in town... My mind continues to be distracted..

I am on an adventure, there is death all about me.  What shall I do?  Shall I aid those who I have befriended.. but no that is against what I believe.  What of them, why do these gnolls attack them?  What is right and what is wrong?  Most of the time I stand back but a few times I allow my "other" side to get the best of me, I feel a need to better myself.. I step into the fray and my fists and legs fly, I feel alive..  I should not feel this way, I should not revel in this action.  Yet there I was, I quickly overcome the feeling and step back into the back to watch and heal once again though.  The feeling as fleeting as the wind on a calm day.

Constantly I battle now with Aeridin and my feelings.  I have a need to protect others, to aid them.  But yet I also feel that a life should not be wasted or taken prematurely.  This all is a constant now though in my new world.  Daily I take life it seems, just to even do the simplist thing as gathering mushrooms.  If just those rats in the sewers would not attack me I would not have to defend myself and they always seem to find me in the shadows still.  If only there was a way so I could continue collecting those things I need to continue my training without putting me in such situations...

So many more things fly through my mind, beetles, giants, a mysterious woman with a trident, all my new acquantances and friends.  Where will be the culmanation of all this, where will it all end?  All I wish for right now is peace and slowly, very very slowly I find it, I find that place inside where I am now at true peace.  All flows out of my mind and finally I am centered once again..

[major6]

Time flows by, the currents of change and mystery surround me as I sit quietly in contemplation once again.  Always did I know that things in the world beyond the Whitehorn forests would be different, but never could I suspect what truly was in the land past the vale of my youth.  Luckily, my mother and her lessons, as well as the lessons of the elves in my later years, have somewhat prepared me for all I have encountered.

My time has been hard, collecting, traveling, learning, aiding..  Always has there been something that needed to be done.  I attempt to juggle everything but it may be beyond my capabilities to accomplish all that I wish.  Again my training has helped and I am able to organize all that must be done so that nothing is left by the wayside.  My training progresses in leaps and bounds, I travel beyond the reaches of my thoughts, I aid those in need as I can, time has been good.

As always, one thing above them all grates upon my mind and that is my lord Aeridin.  Am I truly following his ways, am I doing all I can to exhude his values.  To this I have come to a conclusion that burns at my very soul.  The same calling that caused me to leave and travel the realms is now seeping into my soul.  My need to protect, to aid, to serve others has caused me to view things anew.  Am I losing who I am or is this just a growing process?  New teachings that will bring me to a better place, my true center.  Aeridin is my lord and I do not wish to lose him, but I also can not be false to myself.  Always shall I question what are my motives, what are my goals?

[major6]

How long has it been since I allowed myself time to actually think outside of my meditations?  Where has all the time gone?  It seems like yesterday when I first arrived, yet at the same time, it seems like a life-time away.  Now, instead of meditating outside under the leaves of a tree, I sit cross-legged upon the pillows of my rented room.  When I first arrived all that belonged to me I owed much true to others, now.. I have settled my debts.  Is life better, or is it worse... Neither perhaps but for sure things have changed immensely.

Where to start.. perhaps with the women of my life.  Women, a particular failing of mine, one that I may never understand.  Of course there is my big sis, Tegan.  She is not biologically my sister, but to me there is no difference.. actually in a way she is more family to me then perhaps if she was my blood sister.  There is nothing I would not do for her in a moment.  Since I first arrived in Hemp there has been no other who has truly influenced me more.  Luckily Sall comes with Tegan.. I call him big bro now and I feel that way.  Sall is.. intricate to say the least but a truer heart you will never know.  I truly do not know what I would do without them.  They are my family now.. but they are not the only ones.  I have found one who I care for just as much.. perhaps even more so.  Her name is Clover and I can't really explain what it is about her but .. perhaps it is her insecurities about herself.  I have always wanted to heal others.. but no, that is not it.  She is breathtakingly beautiful, an angel, but that is not either.  It is heart, soul and true purpose that drives me towards her.  I could see myself with no other now.  Of course there are many others, Sala whom I rent a room from is so caring of me, very motherly.  Abi, she is also dear to me as a friend, and with her come Bear...  So many to think of but never enough time to think of them all.

There is of course also Krys.  He has become like a mentor to me.  Whenever I have a problem, a concern, or just need someone to talk to, he is there.  Like my ongoing thoughts cof my faith.  Am I truly an Aerindite?  Sometimes I second guess myself thinking that I am just fooling myself.  Each and everytime I take a life I leave a bit of me behind.  None of it comes easily but still I do it, always seeming to have some reason it "must" be done.  Krys told me that because I think so much about it, because I do not just do it without thought that that is what makes me true to who I am.  Never do I think I will be satisfied, but I guess that is what it is meant to be and perhaps someday I can come and truly accept who and what I am.

As there have been many people who have affected me, so have the many events.  Saving the "Earth" dragon from the Welkes... it was quite an experience and was also the first time I had met Clover.  I am very glad that I was a part of that if only a small part.  Then there is the ongoing vampire problem.  It is getting harder and harder to just watch the undead control my friends lives.  Each time I just want to attack but doing so I realize I may jeopardize my friends lives..  So what exactly to do... I will say this, once it is all over I will not stop hunting down each and every last vampire I can find.. abominations that they are.  Then of course there was the reclaiming of the Chalice of Aeridin and the removal of my curse that went along with it.  The whole incident, from taking the chalice, to the curse, to finding the temple of evil and in succession removing the curse.. Of course the undead plagued us all the way, I am glad that is over.

There are so many more things, from the group I have put together, to my gathering business, to my friendships and enemies.  Perhaps I will have more time again soon to think on all this, but now.. there is always more to do as time continues to move on.

[major6]

Aeridin... why did you desert me, why did you leave me and those who served you?  Elohanna, you left her to rot as an undead, one you abhore and would not bring forth your power to renew her spirit.  She lost her children, the twins, to never see the life of day.  A true blow to goodness for much time to come.  No longer do I walk the same road as you, I can not... but neither do I stray from the same path I had when I left the White Woods so long ago it does seem..  A year or so, that is all it has been, yet it has seemed to be an eternity.

Recently I have begun to think of my mother and father.  I wonder how they are doing... and with my upcoming wedding... yes I am getting married to a wonderful sorceress named Clover.  She is everything I have ever looked for and more... for this I can not wait.  But my parents, they should be there and for that to happen it is time I search them out.   Perhaps big sis, Tegan, will help me.  She is very smart and is always willing to give a hand when I need it.  The time though has come and hopefully with some luck I will be able to track them down.

The Council of Hope, not even a month ago I had no idea what it was and now I am a member.  A group of people dedicated to helping others and doing good for no reason other then knowing they did right.... We meet secretly and help from behind the scenes, but by pulling a string just a bit here and there, we keep tabs on all that goes on and are able to help others who need it.

My time though is taken up with more now then ever, with my upcoming marriage, finding my parents, furthering my ambitions and goals in crafts and my abilities.  Never does there seem to be enough time, yet still do I find time to aid others, as this was how I was treated when I arrived so do I help others who need it.  My time again becomes short and I must move on, but perhaps one day things will slow down enough so that I may take the time to truly appreciate all that I am accomplishing.

Trith

[major6]

Just had a huge fight with Tegan.  I don't know why she is getting so distant but I will not let her.  She seems reluctant and I know it has to do with her past, but I will not push her about it.  To me she is family and family is life.... She is my Big Sis, so try as she might that will never change in my eyes or my heart no matter what she may have or continues to do.

Speaking of family, I am about to set off on a journey to find my parents so they can be present for my wedding.  Gone out only a year and here I am already getting married, but Clover is perfect in every way.  Snuggling up by the fire on a cold day or going out and about it matters not when she is near me.  Even her quirks and mistakes seem meaningless when I look at her she always brings a smile to my face.

Things move along with the Council of Hope.  We are working on so many things, things that will help many in the years to come.  I can not wait as these things come to fruition.  Giving is definitely so much better then recieving, not that I will turn things down if offered.

Which brings me to my mentor, Krys.  He "sold" me some kama's which I will start to practice with, wonder how well I will do with them but I look forward to my practice with them and hope I get good with them quickly.  I am also going to be taking up the crossbow, who knows I may even be a good shot.

Well, time is creeping up on me and I must move on, hopefully things continue on thier current path as not much has gone on too badly recently....

[major6]

Well, at least we are still speaking.  I could not deal with losing Tegan... She is my family and family just doesn't up and leave when things are tough.  Regardless of all that happens I will always be there for her..  My wedding plans go along slowly as I wish to find my parents before I move forward with anything else.  Who knows... but there is so much... so much to do...

[major6]

To say I have been slack in my duties is insufficient to detail regarding my journals.  It has been so long since I have taken the time to truly reflect on what has been happening around me that its hard to focus on where to start.  But time knows no bounderies and one must always followup and complete thier duties.

To start with, I have begun the search for my parents.  Gathering a group of close friends together at my house to discuss where to start a knock came at the door and it was a ranger of the village of where I grew up come looking for me to go visit my mentor.  Time again, it seems to act in wierd ways at wierd times.  So we, Tegan, Sall, Fiannon and Elohanna, went to find him at the Elemental temple.  The news was grave, some bandits had my parents... so my search continues, hopefully I can find thier hideout and get my parents free as the sum they are asking for is more then I can stomach.

My engagement with Clover has ended and it ended on a note.  It seems for the best for both of us and I have moved on.  I keep myself busy with my other duties to the Council of Hope.  Gathering, both information and regents, keeps me busy most of the time.  I try to help those I can when I can and continue to try to teach those who are willing to listen.

Hopefully I will now continue to write more frequently in my journal, it is important so that one day others can learn from and better those who came before them.  Now I go back to my meditations and gathering.

[major6]

I have finally learned to focus and keep my direction firmly headed into the direction of the final destination.  My training in both my martial and crafting skills have both improved dramatically.  Gathering is now much easier and seems tend to flow easily.

As for my experiences, well, they have been extremely eventful lately.  I have ventured far beneath the oceans to help save some sea-elves who were captured by some Sahaugin.  A group of us were able to free them without any losses to our group, but unfortunately some of the sea-elves had already passed on.  I was able to extract a sacrificial dagger from the Sahaugin which I kept in the hopes to be able to find out more answers about the sacrifices.  Who was he sacrificing to?  What was the purpose of the sacrifices?  What was meant to be the ultimate result if the Sahaugin was successful?  All this much be answered and the dagger is now in the hands of the Council of Hope to resolve such issues.  During this of course Sil'via did argue to return the dagger as is her stubburn way, but she can not nor will ever understand the reasoning behind what I do.  As much as she was a friend, I can not nor will not allow her to jeopardize the ultimate mission.

Finally, I have found my parents.  With the help of Fiannon, Elohanna, Sallaron, Tegan and  Galathea I was able to track down my parents and free them from the clutches of the Corathians.  They were using them to lure me in as they think for some odd reason that an amulet I held from my mother was the key to an odd ritual to free thier "master".  Who is the master is the question that must be answered of course.  Luckily, we were able to defeat those who stood in our way and also the one who called herself "the servent".  It was not easy and when my parents recover, I hope to finally get some answers.  I only wonder how Tegan is going to take it when she finally speaks to her father for the first time ever.  Hopefully she does not try to kill him...  Well I can not wait until they recover, for now I allow them thier space to take what time they need before we finally talk about all that happened.

Well, I best get back to my meditations again, time continues to move and there still is so much to be done for my tasks to be complete, if they ever are meant to.

Trith

[major6]

The soul mother is making my time here shorter then I would have wished.  I must become more cautious or I will never be able to do that in which I wish to do.  My parents are safe.. but they still have yet to come too enough to speak about what is going on.. that is surely to be interesting.  I work hard on my crafting and have become somewhat able at both alchemy and tailoring.  During this time I have attempted to help out all those that I could, many have started to aid me also.  It is truly touching at the amount of good people out there willing to lend a hand.

Recently a few friends have went away, Rose, Clarissa, Kalim... I am going to miss them greatly.. but for them I must move on, I must continue to make sure that thier ideals and thier missions do not get brushed away.  The council will continue and we must carry on.  How I still do not know, we are surely weakened, but I am sure we will overcome and find somehow to fill thier voids, though it will never be easy.  They will forever be in my heart.

[major6]

Everyone seems to have moved on.  All those whom I joined in cause have mostly went on sojourn.  My time gets shorter as the next I visit the soul mother will be my last, yet my life is not yet finished and I have much that needs to be done.  I will not just lie down and go without a fight so fight on I will.  My parent, my friends, my life... all seems to spin about me as I find ways to accomplish what I must, to leave my mark, to make a difference, to end the evils that plague this land.  Mariners hold, Leringard... all about us is destruction.. I will make change come, I will aid to make a difference.. I will not succomb.

[major6]

Friends have returned and things are starting to return to some type of normal pattern.  Still I have avoided talking to my parents... I have found them settled back with the elves who are watching over them but I need to find the will to find out the answers to my questions.  Besides that the inevitable has come... it is time to write out my will.  My last legs stand under me and I wish for those items I have gathered to find a place amongst those who can do the most good with them

To my sister Tegan : Please find it in your heart to forgive our father.  He must have reason ... To you I wish for you to have those worldly items that are found upon my body.  Please find use to them and save my cloak for Trouble... I wish for him to have it.  I will carry a letter upon me in your name... make sure to read it.

To my friends of the Council : I know I have been reckless but it was always for the good that I could do.  I wish it never had to end but... such is the way of things.  For you I leave notes within my bank chest... please take the time to read them.  All my coins in the bank and all items stored in the houses I occupy to go towards the betterment of the council.

I can not name all my friends and I will not get melancholy.  Do not mourn me, I have made my mark... Do not miss me, hold me in your hearts.  I plan not to go so soon, so do not yet say your goodbyes.  I love each of you and will always do so.