Trying to find the path.... Hobik Truaxe

[ChrisP]

**Simple, small, leather bound journal**

Being that I am a man of action, not a man of words, I am not sure where to start this.  Quite honestly, I feel a bit silly talking to myself on a piece of paper but I need to find some way to collect my thoughts and come up with some sort of plan.  I can't just keep running around, stumbling into trouble and just hope that it turns out for the best.  Me da' would be quite dissapointed if he were to see his youngest boy right now.

When I left home I was excited.  I thought that I had learned all my father's lessons well and understood what it meant to be a follower of Vorax.  It turns out I was wrong.  I charged into every situation, every combat recklessly.  IT got me killed.  More than once.  I failed to learn that there is a time to fight and a time to walk away.  I left behind the order of the clanhold and fell into the chaos of the world outside.

I think what I need is to find a mentor. Find someone of my race with the qualites I aspire to and ask them to mentor me, shape me from the raw ore that I am into a finely honed weapon.  Rather than just charge and attack, I need to learn defensive technique.  In short, I want to learn the ways of our elite warriors, the Dwarven Defenders.  The other night, as I was meditating on all this, trying to sort my thoughts, a wise man, Protector Daniel, found me sitting there and asked what was on my mind.  When I told him I wanted to learn from a Dwarven Defender, he said one name comes to mind: Argali Trueaxe.  At first I was surprised by her name.  My clan name is Truaxe.  I wonder if our clans were once the same in the past.  If perhaps they slit and formed to seperate clans ages ago.  As I am so far from home, there is nobody to consult on this.  Perhaps she will know.  Perhaps it is a sign from Vorax.  I think it would be reckless of me to dismiss it.

Anyhow, as Protector Daniel told me about her, I decided she was the sort of person I need to learn from.  I have decided to write her a letter requesting an audience.  I hear she is a woman of some importance, active in the government.  If she lives up to the description I have heard, I will ask her to mentor me.  If she is too busy or I do not measure up in her eyes, perhaps she can suggest someone else to train me, or at least suggest my shortcomings so that I may work to overcome them.  At any rate, I will not know until I ask.  I will start saving for a messenger falcon to deliver my request for an audience.  Until then, I will work on my discipline.  At least I have held on to my chararcter and honor.

[ChrisP]

Well, I met some new acquaintances today. Well, actually I met Marcus the other night when Protector Daniel was guiding me through Port Hempstead and introducing me to Angels Guild.  Well, today I went back to the guildhouse to ask more questions about business there.  Marcus was there and he introduced me to his wife, an elf named Jil.  Not too bad for an elf.  Actually, she was very helpful and rather funny.

Anyhow, as they took me on a tour, pointing out places of danger and some places for gathering resources, it occurred to me that another one of my problems lately is trying to do too much on my own.  My greatest successes since leaving home have been while I was teamed up with somebody else, or even better a group.  I have forgotten that strength lies not with the individual, but rather with a likeminded group pulling in the same direction at the same time.  

How did I get so far off track?  How did I drift from the lessons of my da' and clan so quickly?  Was it too much time alone during the treck from Ulgrid's Fortress to Fort Vehl?  Was it the arrogance of youth?  Whatever the reason, I see the flaw that needs to be repaired in myself.  Seeing the flaw and understanding it is the first step.  I am working on tempering that flaw with discipline.  Sure I occasionally venture out on my own, but only close to town where I know the dangers and know I can handle them on my own.  No more brashly running out into the unkown alone.

This brings me back to my previous entry in this confounded book.  I need a mentor.  Someone who can bring me back ino touch with my dwarven heritage.  A warrior to help me master discipline, to temper my aggression with defensive skills as well.  I need to seek out a master and Argali is the one name I have learned so far.  I have started regularly diggin up bags of sand to deliver to Angels Guild.  I have backed off on the crazy spending and started to build an income.  I will soon send a letter to request a bit of Argali's time, but I want to be sure I have a decent holding of True in order to pay her for an apprenticeship.  IF she will have me.

One day at a time.  Be aware of patience and discipline.

[ChrisP]

I met Argali Trueaxe. I was in Center, relaxing and collecting my thoughts for this journal.  A halfling adventurer was chatting wiht me with me when this dwarf woman walked up.  When she introduced herself I nearly swallowed my tongue.  Here she was, the woman I intended to aks to mentor me, and I was totally unprepared.  I had not prepared my thoughts in a decent speech, I had no money to offer for an apprenticeship, and not a lick of armor on!  I was so embarrassed.  Worse of all, I came accross like a foolish child.  Actually, I think the worst is that I have I may actually be a foolish child.

Anyhow, she told me that there is much more to being a Dwarven Defender than learning defensive techniques.  It is the mindset.  I need to find +what+ I will defend.  The thing that would make me stand in front of an overwhelming enemy and say, this far and no further.  I hadn't really thought of that.  I had mostly thought of what being a Dwarven Defender would do for me.  As I said, foolish child.  

She also told me that some dwarves have the firey temperment, more like the heart of a battlerager.  The ones that become dwarven defenders are like the stoic kin.  Some iron can be forged one way, some iron can be forged another way.  I am the craftsman at the forge and I need to figure out what I am crafting.  She has given me a lot to think about.  Am I suitable to be a Defender?  Am I more suited to the firey combat spirit?  What role does Vorax expect of me?  I will take some time and weigh these thoughts carefully.  Of couse that means more time talking to these dern pages!  

Argali was very gracsious.  She told me that when I find my answers I am welcome to seek her out again.  After the fool I made of myself, I am grateful that she did not laugh at my ignorance.  She is a good leader.  I am honored to learn from her.

[ChrisP]

I don't rightly know what to say.  I had a disturbing experience.  I went exploring outside Center near the lake.  Just going for a walk and see what is out that way.  Well, I encountered another one of those confounded groups of mercenaries terrorizing the countryside.  Trouble is, this one was made up of dwarves.  My own kin attacking me with no provocation and no explantion!  I knew these mercenary groups were a problem, but I didn't know this sick behavior had infected my people.  I had to kill them all.  Every last one of them.  It made me sick, but it was them or me.  I am not saying I had any more right to live than they did, but I was not the one starting violence for no reason.  Dern fools wouldn't even stop to talk!  

I don't know what is wrong with this world, but something needs to be done.  I can't stand to see this going on.  Why would a group of men attack one lone dwarf hiking by the lake?  What is wrong with people that they need to prey on strangers just because they are weaker?  What if I had been a common woman from center rather than a warrior?  What sick depraved things would they have done?  I expect this from violent beastmen such at the depraved tuskers, but dwarves?  Something needs to be done.  Someone needs to stand up against these lawless mercenary bands.  I will not sit by and let them prey on the towns out here.  I will have to see what lawful means are available for me to deal with this.