Not written for a while, not actually sure where my other writings have gone, probably burned them for warmth while I was in lar.
This cruel existance I call my own, has started to leave me weak and vulnerable, from the things I have found out of recent days. How I wish they were untrue. I wish I could escape this. It's rather humiliating having some one tell you the truth about your life. Well it might be the truth, makes me feel sick thinking about it. Did my father lie to me this whole time? Have I really been in the wrong? Never the less, I saw with my own eyes, A'arna killing my brother. For that I shall get my revenge. Be it now, or long after I'm dead.
I spoke with Sharhar about it, just writing her name makes me feel more alive than I have felt my entire life. Shes an amazing person. I trust her. I do not want her to trust me, I don't trust myself in this state. That's why I hired Stenin in the first place. He's done his job pretty well so far. Although that day on dregar was an awful one. I hope neither Forko nor Stenin mention this day ever again.
I told Sharhar something I knew I shouldn't, she remained the same warm person to me shes always been, I felt different, tried not to act any different, It was clear to her I wasn't being my usual self. How can you be your usual self when everything you have learnt and lived by, gets thrown back to where you got it from. I felt like an unwanted meal, an unusual way to look at it, makes sense to me.
