Journal of Dorena Abianca

[Lord of the Forest]

*The journal itself looks like a ordinary book with the title 'Journal'. All following entries are written in elven. The journal lies unhidden on Dorena's table where she does all her paperwork.*

[Lord of the Forest]

Finally I decided to start writing my own journal. Many things happened in the past years. Ups and downs. The usual.
The world around me changes, also do I. But where does this lead? Honestly, I don’t know. I grew a lot since I arrived in Hlint. Many friends came and went away, but I am still here. What about Ulver? I don’t really know. We loved each other, but he went away, without sending any word. I thought him dead but my heart told me he still live. And yes, he lives. I’ve met him like 4 years ago at Folian’s temple. It was good to see him again. He had have to help his father on his farm again. He saw my wedding band, a gift by Jacc’s mother. I don’t know how Ulver felt, I don’t love him any longer, but he will always be a good friend of mine. Unfortunately I haven’t seen him again since we met at the temple. Was it my fault? Love. I fell in love with Jacchri. After a very long time we eventually were bonded to each other. It was a great day, even animals of the woods came to watch it.
Kids. My man and I are blessed with twins … Lythar and Lysira. We really love them and I would die for them … as for my man.
But all this happened for a long long time ago. But I don’t live in the past … I live now.

We went to the Underdark yesterday. I had a bad feeling about it. And yes, I know I was right about it. I’ve learned many things down there. Even some experiences I did not want to have. Drow, Duergar any many other livings and creatures. One for sure, I wont go down this place again. I don’t know how long I was down there … hours, days, month? Everything was dark, no sunlight, no woods. Never underestimate the Underdark, it may kill you. I know it. Most of our group died. Even I did. We got ambushed by Duergar, at least I guess Alantha called them that way. Anyways, I hope not to see them again. At least one of the Abiancas survived … Jacc made it out alive. He came back home after he got my bird in Hlint. I sat in front of the fire as Jacc came home. I just sat there watching into the flames and did not realize he sat next to me and were holding me. We sat there for hours, saying nothing. The night, nightmares. Restless sleep. My love had to hold me again. Nightmares all my sleep. Drow and Duerger everywhere. Hiding behind the trees in the Forest of Mists, sneaking around Vale, sneaking around out house…
I woke up with tears in my eyes, slipped into my clothes and went to the twins to see if they were alright … they were. Stepped outside just for being sure no drows are around. Still I have the feeling they are hiding in the woods, waiting for me and my family. Even if I know Folian watches over my family, I have to take care.
My death in the Underdark made me think a lot of things and how and why they are. Lot of questions came up in my mind. But am I ready for them? I don’t know. I guess it is the best to wait some time until I will answer them.
Maybe I will get some other thoughts if I do some paperwork for Raven? I may be new, but I already have a lot of work but well, I like the work there. And well, bossing Daeron around is kinda fun. I hope he already got the orders ready. Best to see if he did his work. Best to travel around in Hlint.

[Lord of the Forest]

Bad feelings. I knew something bad would happen today and it did. I met Rakan in Pranzis and I helped him getting some giants’ heads in the desert. I met Barion in the desert too after Rakand and I has a small rest. He did almost say no word to me. The only thing he told me that he wont break his promise. That’s all about it. Though he saves our lives in the desert. We headed back our way as we got ambushed by giants. Without Barion we both would have died. Rakan and I were bleeding badly. I don’t want to imagine what could happened if he wasn’t there. But through his promise to Jacc I don’t see him around much. He’s walking past me … neither looking at me or speaking to me. I don’t like it this way. I will have to talk to Jacc about it. This isn’t a solution of the problem and I fear it is partly my fault we got into this situation. I know I get easily drunken and I know I cannot control myself then. It was cold outside and someone told me it will warm me from inside and I believed him. But I should have known better, warm clothes are better than booze. I don’t know what happened in that one night with Barion, I was drunken. Woke up with a huge headache and I still cannot remember anything what happened … maybe I don’t even want to know or do I even fear the truth? I don’t know … I don’t want to know … but still I need to know what happened. After Jacc I may have to speak with Sa’kura again. I guess she’s the only person around who may help with this.
Anyways, we left the desert again and went into the mountains. Unfortunately Rakan was spotted by a bugbear and he attacked us … we were unprepared and he ran towards us … running back? Never! I don’t run away, even if it might kill me. My man doesn’t like me acting this way. But I prefer dying while facing the enemy than a hit in my back. Rakan died, I healed him and the bugbear attacked me … Rakan told me to run … I stood my ground … and faced my fate. Rakan died, I died…
If it wasn’t even enough the soulmother took a part of me. I don’t know how to tell Jacc. He will be upset again. I know he needs me … my family needs me. But it is still my life and my decisions. I know I am no big warrior but running away? Hiding? Never! Certainly, sometimes I move around unseen to avoid dangers. But not in combat!
I will take a look if anything changed in Hlint. Maybe I will get some news or I help some people around. I don’t know, but it is the best thing I can do at the moment. The kids are sleeping and will be here in a few hours. So enough time to take care of some friends…

[Lord of the Forest]

It really seems like the Soulmother loves me. She took another part of my soul. I fear my time will come soon … soon I will have to say goodbye from my life … from my family … from my friends … from this world. I know I should be more careful if I travel around and Jacc wont be happy about it either. I hate those giants with their arrows … they hit hard. I shot arrows and he shot arrows … but somehow he shot me down before I did … Though I think Nida killed him after I was dead. I called him to help me … maybe too late? Yes, too late. It was my own fault I died and I had to pay hard for my death. I know my family needs me … and I need them.
I don’t know what is going on with me. I die far too often in the last recent weeks. Why? I don’t know. I know Longstrider looks upon me … I bear his mark on my forehead … unseen. Almost no one knows about it. Marked by a shaman. It was the last thing he did before he died. He drew something on my forehead … and Folian’s spirit recognized his mark on my forehead. My life changed as I helped him in Wolfswood and now I follow him. I know he’s still watching over me … guarding every step I make. But if I die? I can’t help him anymore in this world … I will fade away … memories of me will fade away, if there’s something to memorize about me though. What did I do in my life? Yes, I may helped to defend the Great Oak and other things, like helping Folian once or  taking care of the woods. But who am I? And do I do the right things? I don’t know.
I only know I will fade away soon … forgotten in the sands of time … one of thousands who die every day. Am I worth being remembered?
I love the life I am living … but this wont last forever. I am close to the Soulmother … She will get me, sooner or later. But I think she will get me sooner than later … I am too weak, I cannot fight against it anymore. Perhaps it is the best if I settle down and take care of my life … my family. No more Hlint again, no more facing dangers, no more dying? But that’s not me. I know I have to be more careful on my travels and sitting around is not who I am, I am still Dorena and not any benchwarmer in Hlint. Though I fear it may be the best for me … sitting there all the day, glaring into nothingness.
I don’t want to tell Jacc about what happened … he will be mad at me … sure, he wont show it but he’s too afraid loosing me. I know he only cares for me … he needs me … as I need him. I love him.
At least it is raining here … here at Folian’s temple. I went here together with Yardislan, but he went back to Vale. I stayed. He waited several hours for me to finish my prayers. Although I decided to stay here … he went away again … I guess I was in a bad mood and scared him away, I don’t know. I hope the rain and some meditating will calm me down and I will get a clear head again. I will rest here … sleeping … not here under this tree where’s not raining. I will sleep in the rain, no pelt, no cloak no nothing to cover me … to warm me. Just the forest and I … I know it’s getting colder every day and nights are even colder and the rain will do the rest. I hope Jacc doesn’t travel here and see me like this … it would hurt him seeing me this way.

*Dorena packs the journal back in her backpack, makes sure it doesn’t get wet under the tree and lays herself down in the rain, glaring into the sky. She doesn’t seem to realize any of her surrounding, she just lays there and glares into nothingness before she falls asleep. Shivering … restless … *

[Lord of the Forest]

*While Dor is checking some of her personal crates for some arrows, she sees a dusted book at the bottom of a crate. Curious as she is she takes it out and dusts it off. She smiles slightly as she sees it is her old diary. She takes it with her in the forests and starts reading in it somewhere close by Folian’s temple. Sometimes she frowns and sometimes she smiles slightly, reading what she wrote years ago.
After she read the last entry she leans back for a moment, glancing into the clouded skies and seems to be lost in her memories. After quite a while she slightly shakes her head and takes out her writing pen and starts writing a new entry.*

It has been some time since I wrote the last time. Seeing what I wrote makes me a tad sad. But I see that I developed and can look back on what had happened in the meantime.

Many things have happened, some pleasant, some unpleasant. My feelings towards Jacc did not change, even if we had a little crisis, I think it were two actually. Something I can’t be proud of and it hurts if I remind myself what happened. But that’s life. Life has it ups and downs. But I am quite happy I have more ups than down recently.

Both of our children are developing great. They are already 15 years old and really. My daughter reminds me about myself as I was young. But I did not pick the locks to the cookie bar and did not run away with a blueberry pie. Even if both of our children are developing well I need to watch their progress. I don’t want to see them in any danger.
I know they need to gather their own experience and see the world. But at the moment they are happy with exploring the Forest of Fogs.
But I fear they want to the world with their own eyes soon. I know I cannot stop them and I wont. They have to find their own path eventually. Jacc and I will gladly assist them, as well as my sister and Angela do.

A few years ago one of the town criers yelled out that the Wolfswood Ranger Corps is looking for rangers. Curious about it I contacted Enzo to meet him and to ask some questions. Well what can I say, I met him in the Wolfswood and we had a nice chat. He answered me all my questions; what the Corps is about, the goals, why it was founded and so on.
He asked me if I would like to join and I told him I needed some time to think about it.
And I thought about it for months, even asking some of my friends if I should join them, but the answer I got in general was that I have to decide it on my own.

So did I. I told Enzo that I wont join the Ranger Corps for now, but that I was willing to assist them in any way I am able to. This way I was able to stay independent and was able to assist in any way.

But times are changing. I thought about the Corps lately again and I think I should give it a try. I don’t know but I should seek Enzo out to speak about it. I know I will have to pass a test of some sort, a little task so to say.

Seeing that we don’t really know what Milara is up to after the contract was signed we should be careful and watch any movements in the woods and its surroundings.
While I was in Hempstead I heard the local town crier mention the Wolfswood Forest. He said that the ground of the central Alindor was shaking for minutes and multicoloured lights were spotted reaching through the dusted sky. Baroness Green and the rangers would be investigating and he mentioned that a ranger headed to the direction of the blast a few days ago. Needless to say they were not seen returning. I really wonder what this is about.
But anyways, I should get home to move some furniture and tell the twins to help me in the household.

*Dorena puts the diary and writing quill away in her bag and heads back home, a slight smile on her lips.*

[Lord of the Forest]

*In the early morning Dorena leaves her home and wanders to her personal place, deep hidden within the Forest of Fogs. After she got to this place she gracefully climbs up on a tree where she sits down on a branch, leaning against the trunk. She takes her journal and pencil out and after listening a few moments to the wind she starts writing*

Life is full of changes; it is an on-going progress so to speak. Life is changing like the seasons, right now the leaves next to me are golden and the wind will carry them away eventually. They will fly with the land; fly to places far away or just fall down.
If I see myself as a leaf, would I prefer to fall down on the ground or do I want to get carried away by the wind?

If I see my life as a leaf in autumn, would I prefer just to fall down or to get carried away by the winds? My life just started, I just got carried away by the wind and I am still flying around until I will hit the ground on day. I hope to continue my life as long as I can; I hope that this leaf will still be carried with the wind.

I want to explore the lands, I want t get carried away. I am independent, I am a flying leaf. The wind that carries me is my family and friends. They are with me and I could not live without them.

As I already said, life is full of changes. The world around me is changing with every breath I take, in every moment I close my eyes and open them again.
At first it seemed Fenrir and I wouldn’t work well together. It was like he was scared and frightened of me; always trying to have some space between him and myself. We did not talk much. The only thing we talked, rather fought about, was ore.
But lately it seems things work out fine between him and me. I guess it is because we fought many battles side by side. He is very good with his axe and he told me I am a fine archeress as well.

Earlier I was joking about him as well as teasing him; but now I don’t anymore. Something changed. It might be the battles we fought. Especially the one on Belinara a few weeks ago where we barely made it out alive. And we only made it out alive because we worked together as a team. Fenrir stood in front and I kept distance and shot my arrows. He saved me and I saved him, even if we both will certainly not admit it in public.
Of course we were in this cave with others and we would have died without them, but Fenrir and I working together helped a lot on our way out of the cave.

I don’t know where this will lead, but I am looking forward to it. I feel save if I have him around when we are out to explore the lands.

It seems the love birds are out again. First Storold and Mylindra, now Alleina and Tristan. It took Storold some time to realize his feelings towards Mylindra and I have to admit, I am guilty in this case. I was sick of seeing Storold depressed day for day.
I talked about his relation to Nyyana on our way back from getting silver. I told him that he should not care for her anymore, seeing she will never respond his feelings. And I saw Storold around Mylindra and asked him about her. He told me she is a nice girl.
It was quite obvious he had feelings for her. I had to force him against a wall in Prantz and talked to him in my very own way. The difference between Storold and I was that I saw the things how they really were and he was caught in a dream so to speak.
I persuaded him on a picnic with Mylindra. And seeing they are a couple now I know I did everything alright. I just had to wake him up a bit.
It is nice to see Allei is in love with Tristan. Tristan seems to be nice. I had some longer talks with him and I hope everything will be fine between them.
It seems like Allei is growing up a bit. I am not sure if I like her development. I spotted her the other day; she was drunk. Allei wanted to experience on her own how it would feel to be drunk. But I already saw what booze did to people and I don’t want Allei to walk this way. I hope Tristan will watch and take care of her.
I trust Tristan, even if we are very different. We see the world with other eyes. He told me I am very direct with people and I guess I am. It is hard to judge about one self. And I don’t really care what others may think about me. I am who I am and I won’t change myself just to fit in.

Our twins are doing fine; they just hit their 16th year a few days ago. I invited a few friends to Vale so they we could take a drink and pie while Lythar and Lysira were busy with their friends.
I cannot help myself but I think Lysira got something from Angela. I just installed a new lock to my personal weapon crate, just to see her running around with my old iron rapier after a moment. It was a strong lock but she managed it. Besides I don’t know why she was running around with a rapier again. I usually saw her running around with two short swords I made for her.
But she has to find her own path. It doesn’t really matter what way she chooses, I will always be with her. May it be in good or bad times, she can always come to me.
Lythar and Lysira will find their own way, I am sure. Personally don’t like the idea my sister and Angela had. They want to take my childs for a few days with them to Hampstead.
I know I have to let them go one day but Hampstead is a big city. It is huge and unpleasant people are walking within. I know Angela and sis will take care of them, besides I will have some time with Jacc, alone.

I am still trying to meet with Enzo, but I did not find him yet. Some say he is very busy and some say he is out in the woods, taking care of something. I don’t know what it is, I only know I want to become a part of the Wolfswood Ranger Corps.
I might track Rodlin down. I did not see him after the toga party, but I know he is part of the Corps as well so I can direct my questions to him before I will do the final step.
Folian is watching my steps, he’s with me when I’ll do the final step.

*A small breeze rustles through the leaves of the tree as she finishes writing the last sentence. Her hair moves with the wind and as she looks up from her journal a single leaf touches her cheek before it is carried away by the wind. Dorena follows it with her eyes and with a slight smile on her lips until she cannot see the leaf any more.*

“Fly my leaf, fly with the wind. Fly and explore the world, everything is open to you, you are free as long the wind carries you..”

*She puts her journal and writing quill back in her bag and climbs down of the tree. She looks up to the tree top where the leaves are moving in the wind and a leaves are carried away by the wind. After a few moments she turns around and heads deeper in the woods with a slight smile on her lips.*