*date*
Past, present, future. Three cards drawn from a deck of sixty can purportedly give one a glimpse of the past, present and future. Some consider this no more a parlor trick that at best is entertainment; the less forgiving and cynical might call it a fraud that only parts fools from their money. And yet others believe in the power of these cards when the one reading them has the proper gift.
Three readings have I had. All have been unsettling. And all have been given by Kali, the gypsy elf at the Leilon Arms who, among her many talents, I now believe has such a gift. Kali is like no other elf I have met; there is something about her -- her hair is a fiery red that I have never before seen on an elf but that is not what sets her apart. It is her eyes -- her emerald eyes that can see things in you that you may not know yourself. Eyes that seem to know more than you think they could. She is uncanny in her ability to bewilder me with the things she says and does.
The first reading happened at the Arms. I had seen Kali give many readings that day, and nearly all of those who received them left looking pleased. Despite that, I had no desire for her to read cards for me. The situation between Annun and I seemed to be resolving itself in a manner both surprising and pleasing to me. I wished for nothing that might indicate that could change. Nonetheless, as Kali and Annun can both be persuasive, I soon found myself sitting in front of her with three cards lying face down on the table between us.
One at a time, Kali turned them over. The first card represented the past and was turned to reveal the High Druid. The second, representing the present, was turned to be the Fool. As was the third, which represented the future. Acacea seemed quite amused at the double appearance of the Fool.
According to Kali, in the past I had searched for knowledge and wisdom, possibly finding it in a relationship. But now I was on a path of impulsive actions and rash decisions -- and it appeared that I would remain on this path into the future.
One never likes being called a fool, whether it is true or not, and even less likes to learn that he will continue to be the fool. Both Kali and Acacea tried to make light of this, each in their own way. I did not believe these cards and yet I was bothered by them. Deny it all I might, there was a ring of truth to the telling that I could not admit to myself at the time. After all, these were just cards, were they not?
Fate has since shown me that this first reading spoke of Annun and me. I have learned much from Annun. The love we shared was not one I had sought and perhaps that made it all the more special to me. But time separated us for a while and she found another. That was a difficult time that left me changed. Yet fate seemed to make amends, or so it seemed, for when the one she had found was lost, Annun and I eventually found ourselves together again.
The second reading was just as unexpected as the first. Kali was in Hlint this time when our paths crossed. Somehow, the topic of card readings came up and this time she convinced me that a second reading may show something different from the first. She claimed the readings grew more accurate as the cards came to "know" the one for whom they were being read. Thinking that another reading surely could not be more troubling than the first, I reluctantly agreed.
Again I sat before her and again three cards were laid face down between us. As before, she slowly revealed each card in turn, explaining what they might mean. The card for the past was the Lovers, indicating that in the past I had been in a good relationship -- one that was not difficult or bad, in the beginning at least. Shifter's Tower was the card revealed for the present and told of unexpected interruptions, something unexpected and unlucky. The final card was revealed to be the Judgement of the World; Kali explained that in its orientation, it represented loss and separation.
This second reading was no more comforting than the first; rather, it seemed to tell again that my future would not be the one for which I hoped; that it would not be one of peace or good fortune but of loss and separation. This second reading happened as I was beginning to believe in a promising future. But fate remains capricious, for just as I began to believe in this, the unimaginable happened. A miracle was wrought by a priest of Aeridin, Athus, when he somehow managed to banish the Soul Mother from the world for a period of time. This blessing, which resulted in so much good for the people of this world, had a cruel edge to it. In her absence, those taken permanently by the Soul Mother could now return. The one taken from Annun was loosed from the Soul Mother's grip and returned to the living.
Annun and I had mended our relationship. Once I thought her gone only to find her back in my life, forever I had hoped. We had talked of a future together and what it might hold and I foolishly began to believe. But she is gone again, having twice now chosen another over me. One time I could forgive but twice...twice has left me as I am...as the fool that Kali had seen.
I left all that I knew behind me. Any obligations I felt to others were washed away. I left unsure whether I would return or not. I wandered in solitude for weeks, seeking nothing and no one. All that I had done in the past seemed meaningless. And yet...after an unknown time and without realizing it, I found myself back in places that I knew and among people who knew me. I returned knowing only this: my future would not be as I had hoped; I realized that hope only sets one up for disappointment.
The third and final reading happened once again at the Arms. the evening was winding down until only Kali, Acacea and I remained. Acacea was learning how to give readings and so convinced Kali to give us both readings. Acacea was first and of course had quite a positive reading--perhaps it is her outlook on life that influences which cards appear for her. Then it was my turn. The first two cards--the Mage followed by the Water Elemental -- told of confusion in my past and chaos in my present. But the final card -- the one that purportedly tells of the future -- was revealed to be the Angel and the Lion and indicated strength and resolve. But this has most certainly not come to pass yet.
And so I find myself in the now, not wanting to consider the future and yet unable to prevent myself from doing just that. I exist but there must be more to life than that. I need purpose, a reason to exist. I thought I had that in Annun but that is not to be. In truth, bitter as it is to admit, it was foolish of me to believe that it could be.
I could have grown to be my father's son and tended a farm to my dying days as he will and as his father did before him but that path could never have been mine. I have abilities beyond anything I ever imagined as a child. I once thought this a gift, perhaps even one from the Lady of Magic. But the purpose of this gift -- if really it is a gift -- eludes me still. What is the source of my talents? Perhaps in the finding of the answer to that question, I will find why.
