Ael'Rynth d'lil Maethra - Vanguard of Darkness

[Yllyrryon]

It is night in the Driftlands.  A frigid wind from the north seemingly pierces through flesh and bone, a chill touch to the very soul of anyone in its path.  Just beyond Saudiria’s western gate, a dark hooded figure seems to materialize out of the blowing sands.  Eery and ghostlike, it flows through town eastwards, toward the Temple of the Phoenix, pausing a moment at its door before returning along it’s precise path to the western gate and vanishing through a wall of blown sand.

An otherwise uneventful night.

As dawn approaches, a young Az’attan sister on her way to her grounds-keeping duties outside the temple finds a fine parchment carefully affixed on the outside of the temple’s front door.  A thesis written thereon reads as follows:

“There is no need for Redemption, nor for Vengeance and Hate, nor for Submission to Shadow.  These three paths are integrally linked, keeping our kindred, the race known as The Drow, lost either in abject depravity or confused by contradictory teachings devoid of real meaning.

Herein I shall address the teachings of Az’atta’s church to begin to clarify the confusion engendered therefrom.  Later I shall enumerate the integral link between Az’atta, Ca’Duz and the Shadow; and how these three faiths have limited us from our full potential, both as individuals and as a race.

Supposedly Az’atta achieved enlightenment through an evil act, to wit, drinking the blood of an enlightened avatar she herself had slain.  Yet no being can become enlightened in such a manner, but only through a mindful openness to the flow of one’s own life which in turn leads to a series of insights attained over the years.  Any degree of enlightenment cannot be passively transferred from one being to another in any way whatsoever.  The path of enlightenment is an active process unique to each and every individual who chooses to tread it.

Furthermore, there is no pinnacle of enlightenment, as per the well known proverb, “Even the Masters have Masters.”  The path is truly a journey without destination; hence all that matters is the journey itself.  As for Az’atta, whatever insight she attained in the moments following her vile act may have changed her for the better, and may have set her on a course towards enlightenment.  Yet not even she herself could have ever known how enlightened she had, in fact, become.

In reiteration, Az’atta did not achieve some summit of consciousness by drinking the avatar’s blood.  

Moreover, any state of mind she subsequently achieved did not in itself justify any act she committed thereafter, for better or worse.  Degrees of enlightenment yield comparable degrees of skillful action.  Questions of good or evil, light or darkness, right or wrong are all part of a dualistic perspective that one eventually transcends as they move forward on the path.

The preceding contains a succinct definition of enlightenment, to the degree words can encompass it.  Ever since the moment Az’atta was granted ascension by two fallible gods, the Church of Az’atta has muddled concepts of enlightenment with teachings drawn from the story of her life and ascension.

One of the core teachings is as follows:

'All creatures of Layonara are worthy of Az’atta’s mercy, if they choose to accept it. You must offer all creatures, regardless of past acts, a chance to accept the mercy, redemption, and love offered by Az’atta. '

In the context of this faith, mercy and love are divine dispensations offered by the ascended being who is now known as Az’atta, The Redemptress.  To the extent a mortal chooses to follow this goddess, they must strictly adhere to this admonition.  The teaching is nothing more than what this goddess wants her followers to do, and has no bearing on enlightenment.

Now the only redemption Az’atta has any power to offer directly is by retrieving the souls of her devout from the Void of the Lost.  There is nothing this goddess or any other deity can do to offer any being in this realm any form of redemption.  And here there is no need to explore the nature of redemption as we have done with enlightenment.  Those who follow the Phoenix need only look within their own hearts, their own lives to see the truth of this: redemption is not something granted by any one;  and it is necessary only when the individual defines a need for it in their own life, based on a wise assessment thereof.

When approaching questions of redemption in our own lives, we should look to motive.  Why do we think we need to be redeemed?  Are we seeking others’ approval, so that we might better “fit in” on the surface, our new home?  Are we trying to pay for something we did in the past that now we view as wrong or unfortunate?  Oftentimes, such desire drives us to do so-called “good works”.  Yet there is much truth in the proverb that “the road to hell is paved with good intentions”.

Redemption is thing of emotion, of desire, and not of reason.  To satisfy this drive requires others’ stamp of approval, to some degree.  Thus redemption is a fickle thing at best.  As fickle as the gods themselves.  And as such, achieving it is for the most part beyond any individual’s control.

In contrast, enlightenment is something achievable and worthy of striving towards.  Just as it cannot be granted, so too it cannot be withheld.  

Brothers and sisters in blood and spirit, I ask you to contemplate what I have written here.  Think of who and where you are now, and what you aspire to become.  The path is open to you, and the tools to follow it are offered.  The choice is yours as to whether you take into your own hands the further course of your lives.

Ael’Rynth d’lil Maethra”

[Yllyrryon]

Hunted the Forest of Mists immediately after my return; gathered blueberries there *Ael smiles as he writes this* - among Sahala’s favorites.  Shortly after I returned home to Pranzt, Cray arrived and I spent the rest of the evening talking with her.  It’s good to be home.

The hour is late and I shall meditate shortly.  But first, to write a few thoughts...

As I discussed with Cray, Ca’Duz is moving on a vast front of late.  To further enslave the males of my race and gain more power vis-a-vis the Shadow, he seeks to deliver on his promise of enslaving the surface races - or so it seems.  

He must fail, and fail miserably - so much so that he loses face in the eyes of his own followers.  The lot of them are mere slaves - pawns to do his will and toys for his amusement.... *Ael pauses and ponders for several minutes*

I know what must be done.  It matters not that I don’t understand why it has fallen to me to do this.   It matters not that I will likely fail, even lose every last shred of my soul in trying - no, not in the very least.

What does matter?  That I move forward and give this my utmost...

My thoughts wander as the time for meditation has arrived...  

Where is the Shadow in all of this?  

Such possibility in these dark times *a trace of a smile crosses Ael’s face as he writes* such beautiful darkness...

I shall seek Rhynn and learn from her all that has transpired in my absence.  Ashiel and the others as well...

But now, to meditations.

[Yllyrryon]

Reality unfolds.  Experience and perception thereof cascading over the consciousness of a multitude of minds.  Ever changing, spinning in cycles no two of which are ever entirely the same.  Existing.  Being.  Always eluding each and every “Why?”, “From where have we come?”, and “To where are we going?”

A single focused mind and those around it, each perceiving small slices of this never ending flux.  The gentle rocking of a swift boat purposely cutting through mild waters towards the north beneath a sky ablaze with the resplendent colors of the setting sun on the western horizon.  An exhilarating, fresh breeze caressing the ebony skin of one brooding with deep purple glowing gaze cast out over the waters.

With a gentle smile, Ael leans against the rail and closes his eyes as his thoughts return to his beloved Sahala.  “Soon love, you will be in my arms,” he speaks quietly in Deep Drow as he returns his gaze to the northern horizon, towards Lorindar.  The smile fades, though complete acceptance of the here and now remain, as from its haven of deep serenity his mind turns towards the work at hand: a rescue; an ambush; perhaps a new alliance against a mysterious and powerful force.  He thinks of a young drow bard stripped of memory; of the dispersion of hundreds if not thousands of exiles like himself and this Miriel.

Then Narlantor’s face comes to mind; the powerful Lord of Cenze’tolan speaking quietly with a thin smile, “The surface is not a place for us, Ael.  It is a place for the weaker of our kind.”

“Not so.”  Ael muses to himself as the Dark Lord’s image fades from his mind.  “We are survivors...each and every hardship we face makes us stronger, if it doesn’t kill us.  Yet how to unite even a fraction of this dispersion...?”  Ael closes his eyes as a spray of mist mingled in the cooling evening air brushes over him; the rocking of the ship combined with its swift forward movement further relaxing him as he ponders.  Patiently he leaves the question open before his mind, soaking in every aspect of all transpiring about him.  

Answers will come; it is only a matter of time.  Ael smiles.

[Yllyrryon]

Living risky, never scared, wander Closer to the edge Nothing valued think no fear, always Wondering why you’re here All your purposes are gone, nothing’s Right and nothing’s wrong Nothing ventured, nothing gained Feel no sorrow, feel no pain   Kiss me while I’m still alive Kill me while I kiss the sky Let me die on my own terms, let me Live and let me learn Now I’ll follow my own way, and I’ll Live on to another... day Freedom carries sacrifice, remember When this was my life
Looking forward, not behind Everybody’s got to cross that line Free me now to give me a place, Keep me caged and free the beast Falling faster, time goes by, fear is Not seen through these eyes What there was will never be, now I’m blind and cannot see...   Excerpt from "Life of My Own", by 3 Doors Down//
  Half of my soul lost. And to what end? The first and second shreds lost while seeking gems, alone, for my beloved. The third in a battle for Roldem - a stupid mistake there, as I new they were coming for me and didn’t think quickly enough. The fourth when I led a charge against a creature I had never faced before as we traveled to rescue Daren in the Deep. The fifth when I fell to snakes on Xantril - the idle hunter that day had become the hunted. And the sixth when my love was attacked by one of our own as my lost kindred charged us in the Rift - I guess I rely on her too much.
  One shred returned - a blessing of the hero, Athus.
  Anger remains. And damaged pride, the bitter pain from this I embrace as there is no room in my life for such folly.
  Death is Failure.
  And Failure, Death.
  My mother’s words always haunt me, bindstones notwithstanding. Even more so each time I lose a shred of what is supposedly my living essence.
  In these times I can’t help but think of my people’s hero, Baraeon Ca’Duz, before his ascension. He did all that he did, as a mortal, with no reliance on the bindstones. Was he ever killed? I doubt it. I’m nothing compared to what he once was. What he is now.
  Where he prevailed, likely I will fail. I can see the portents - long odds are against me. But the one thing I can do is move forward in defiance of all this.....death, failure, my ultimate demise - likely far short of the ends I seek.
  Move forward; embrace the pain; ponder this defeat unflinchingly. Learn. Be loyal to my beloved. Be honorable to my comrades. Never retreat in battle. Make a just kill. Die well.
 

[Yllyrryon]

I can still see the light at the end of the tunnel  Shine through the dark times even when I lose my mind.  But it feels like no one in the world is listenin,  and I can't ever seem to make the right decisions.  I walk around in the same haze, I'm still caught in my same ways.  I'm losing time in these strange days,  but somehow I always know the right things to say.   I don't know what time it is,  or who's the one to blame for this.  Do i believe what i can't see?  and how do you know which way the wind blows?  Cause i can feel it all around,  I'm lost between the sound.  And just when I think I know, there she goes.   Goodbye for now, Goodbye for now (so long)  Goodbye for now,  I'm not the type to say i told you so.  Goodbye for now (so long)  I think the hardest part of holding on is lettin it go.  When will we sing a new song? A new song.   I'm still smiling as the day goes by,  and how come nobody ever knows the reasons why?  Bury it deep, so far that you can't see.  If your like me, who wears a broken heart on your sleeve,  Pains and struggles that you know so well,  Either time don't, it can't, or it just won't tell.  I'm not the type to say i told you so,  I think the hardest part of holding on is lettin it go.   ...  And you can sing until there's no song left And I can scream until the world goes deaf For every other word left unsaid,  you should've took the time to read the signs  and see what it meant In some ways everybody feels alone,  so if the burden is mine then i can carry my own  If joy really comes in the morning time,  then I'm gonna sit back and wait until the next sunrise.   ...  Excerpts from Goodbye For Now, by P.O.D.   A Time to Move On: Of Father and Son A golden disk of light gleams high over the southeastern horizon as a swift elven cutter, The Dawn’s New Hope, hoists sail just outside of Lorindar harbor. In no time it is blazing its way eastward towards Arabel, it’s wake a glistening like a silvery blade. Clad in purple and black, two hooded figures stand close to each other on the starboard side, close to the bow, cloaks blowing in the wind - their gaze fixed on the horizon ahead of them.  Neither one looked back.  The last few days had been painful and hectic for Ael. He had been filled with remorse at the Hurm catastrophe, and self condemnation for interjecting his personal dispute with Varka and the dwarf’s Raven Trade Company comrades Angela and Daeron into the post he had left at the Wild Surge regarding Hurm.   It had been fifteen days since he rose with dawn’s first caress and departed from his home in Llast, perhaps for the last time. On the cold and empty bed in his and Sahalas chambers - a bed he had not shared with her for months, as she had disappeared from his life for one last time - he left the following note:  Sahala, my love, my angel, my goddess -  I love you and I always will.   Yet in what may have been the hour my most dire need, you were not there for me. I forgive you this, and I beg your forgiveness for my departing in your absence. But I have failed miserably of late, and to an intolerable degree. In the matter of a couple of months during your absence, my name has fallen into disrepute among many, and my leadership has come to be questioned, along with my bravery, my integrity, and honor.   I deserve all of what has befallen me.  The one who claims to be my son, Chath, recently approached me once again, and I agreed to return with him to the Eternal Night. There I intend to wander with him for the rest of my days, trying to find my way back onto the Path and doing what justice I am able to throughout my homeland far beneath the surface. He’s been very receptive to my teachings and already I a feel a deep bond with him. I believe with all my heart he is indeed my son, and I intend to be the best possible father I can be for him.  If Chath’s motives are otherwise, and I have been deceived into some trap, I embrace my fate with open arms. You know well that the path to trust and friendship with any of our kin involves vulnerability and at times great risk. Such is our lot in these lives we live.  Yethope outweighs my better judgement, and I have placed my life in his hands.  The soul stone ring I gave you will burn with my life force so long as I draw breath. But know that I have bent my mind into shielding my whereabouts from the powers of that ring, and no longer will you be able to use it to find me.   The path we follow, you cannot tread.  Know that until my last moment, I will hold fast in my mind a vision of you at your finest, with the glory of the weave all about you, your beauty gleaming brighter than the sun itself. And I will hold fast in my heart my love for you - never have I or will I love another as I have loved you.  Yet duty calls and I have no choice but to follow.  Forever yours,  Ael From Llast he traveled through the twilight of the misty morn to the North Point portal and stepped through. Snow swirled about him as he stepped into the antechamber of Aeridin’s temple shortly thereafter. With graceful fluidity he quickly closed the door behind him, flowed over to the attending healer and handed the latter a large pouch full of gold. His face hidden from view he clearly whispered his instructions to the healer: upon accepting this 50,000gp, the Temple of Aeridin binds itself to using that sum to cover expenses for healers and supplies to relieve the people of Hurm. Ael gave no name and departed as swiftly as he had appeared.  Days later, two shadows stepped from the darkness along the cliffs overlooking the River of Shadows, near the ruins of a Ca’Duzite temple. Both clad in purple and black, the cloaked and hooded figures stood silently close together, face to face for what to any onlooker would seem an eternity. Nothing was said; not the slightest movement made. Then with a firm nod one of them headed south, seeming to moderate its pace for the other who followed close behind.  Months latercertain rumors began to bewhispered in various forms throughout the Eternal Night, all depending upon the one who spoke it.   Svirfnebli in their hidden enclaves told of a pair of shadows seen on various occasions when life and limb were threatened. Without weapons these strange, graceful, and deadly creatures dispatched those who would bring harm to the gnomes, disappearing into the darkness before any thanksgiving could be spoken.   In the slave markets of drow cities, the name Szor’dranin Pharn became known. A mysterious renegade with a nameless companion, Szor’dranin would always bring with him choice specimens of duergar, and occasionally even more impressive catches such as flayers or beholders. And the prizes he brought with him were always well worth the extremely high prices he demanded. What the rogue did with such wealth was always a matter of speculation, as was his origins. Occasionally he was known to pay premium prices for hardy or powerful warriors or casters, slaves from the surface;doubtless he had buyers lined up in other cities.As to origin,a very rare rumor placed him out of the holy of city of Cenze’Tolan, and held that he had some link to the well known Lord of that place, Narlantor.  And all the while, unknown to any but themselves, a father who had placed his life in his true son’s hands came to know that son, who in turn came to learn about love, family, and justice, as they should be known. And together and through each other they found meaning, true happiness, and Redemption.

[Yllyrryon]

Vanguard of Darkness

The image of his son’s lifeless body in his arms, himself covered in the blood of his fallen beloved....a vision that was indelibly burned in the forefront of Ael’Rynth’s mind.

Yet he would not have it otherwise.

Vengeance.

He had donned the suit of death and utterly abandoned himself to his darkest nature, relentlessly hunting those who had stolen his most priceless gift. Though many of them had fallen to his ruthless onslaught, Ael’Rynth eventually found himself once again in the form of a disembodied spirit trembling in pain before the bindstone at Shadon’s temple in Arnax, the most powerful of his enemies having sent him there.

Without a second thought he rose and went forth to bind himself to another stone in that city.

Anger. Hatred of all that drew breath. Lust for power so that his will would be done, regardless of everything and everyone else. Zeal and singularity of purpose toward achieving his new ends....nothing else lingered in his consciousness....

And indeed, a great deal of unfinished business did remain....

http://www.layonaraonline.com/forums/photos/show-album.asp?albumid=545&photoid=10192

http://www.layonaraonline.com/forums/photos/show-album.asp?albumid=545&photoid=10193

[Yllyrryon]

Going Forth
Dead Eye, Winter Night 4, 1413   A thick fog has descended upon Mariners Hold this eve, such that one can barely see their hand after extending their arm out in front of them. An eery silence pervades the port as all traffic comes to a stand still, locals and travelers alike choosing to pass their time in warmer, seemingly safer locales such as the Freelancer’s Tavern.
  Good cheer along with warmth of heart and body fill the tavern as fires blaze in the hearths and welcoming aroma of hearty food and drink fills the air. Unbeknownst to many there the door quietly opens and a dark hooded figure gracefully glides into the hall, bringing with it wisps of the cold fog from outside...and traces of a deeper chill that gives pause to those whom it passes nearby. Seeming to be looking for someone, it moves to the shadows along the back walls and seems to vanish. Not long afterwards, the intangible foreboding chill fades and all is back to the way it was before.
  The next morn a note is found conspicuously posted in the guild meeting hall upstairs. Written in an austere calligraphy it reads:
  Quil and others-
  I have returned.
  Having read the new guild charter and discussed matters with my wife, I stand ready to offer what assistance I am able to provide. The information network interests me in particular.
  Ael’Rynth
  http://www.layonaraonline.com/forums/forums/thread-view.asp?tid=35030&posts=1&mid=226534&highlight=&highlightmode=1&action=search#M226534
  http://www.layonaraonline.com/forums/forums/thread-view.asp?tid=35322&posts=5&mid=228393&highlight=&highlightmode=1&action=search#M228393
 //Ooc note:  In Ael'Rynth's offer of aid in the Freelancer note, the operative term is "able".  And for Ael'Rynth, will, action, and true knowledge are all one and the same.