The Lives and Loves of Amarath Arowen

[Melgrin]

Our last few expeditions haven’t been that great. In fact, I’m beginning to believe we have a curse placed on us or something. The first one that went bad was when Thaïs and I met up with two people I hadn’t met before. They were Isilme and Eàmanë, two elven women whom Thaïs apparently had met earlier. With them we went to Haven mines. Thaïs seems to be only in the mood to go bashing things lately, but when we find people to join us and go, she gets bored with it real soon. I wish I could figure her out. If it is not a changed personality, it’s a mood I can’t grasp with her, but she always seems to find new ways to confuse me to the bone. Not that I blame her for that; I know, or at least I think I know she is not doing that to annoy me – she is suffering from it more than I am.

Actually, the trip to Haven mines went very well. We worked really well as a team. Isilme turned out to be the natural leader for us, giving directions and making sure our fights were won by us. Something kept nagging at me, however, and at first I couldn’t put my finger on it. Only later, after Thaïs and I were alone again, it dawned on me. Isilme’s ways reminded me of someone else’s. And that was when I started to get worried, and thought of how Thaïs had acted towards her. She had something in her manners that reminded me of Sy’Ravenne, although the thought alone is nonsense. But Thaïs must have felt it too. She seems to get nervous when she’s around Isilme. But I should wave away these thoughts, I’m sure my mind is playing tricks with me. Thaïs is as warm to me as she has been the last months, nothing has changed there.

Coming out of Haven mines, we talked about what to do next, since the day was long from over. Isilme suggested another trip down the mines, but Thaïs didn’t like that. Boring, she said. Instead, she said there was this cave in the marshes she had been wanting to try out for some time now. We all agreed to that. I didn’t mind… as long as I was with Thaïs I was happy, and Isilme and Eàmanë were good company. So, we went to those marshes, and looked for the cave. We killed some lizardmen that came after us in the marshes. After some time searching we found the entrance of the cave. In front of it were some more lizardmen. As we had taken on quite a few of those already, and doing quite well against them, nothing prepared us for what was coming to us next. It turned out that there was a rather powerful shaman amongst the lizards that killed both Eàmanë and me in a matter of minutes after we started the fight. When I came to in Hlint I not only saw Eàmanë, but Thaïs and Isilme were there, both fallen as well. I had no idea where we had gone wrong, where we had mad out judgment error, and neither did anyone of the women. But I had proven once more that I could not prevent serous harm from happening to Thaïs. I had to laugh a bit at myself thinking that, because apparently Isilme had also taken up a vow to protect Eàmanë, and was saying to her that she had failed her. I don’t know if I will ever be able to protect Thaïs properly. I guess not… maybe I should start trying to live with that fact, and not blame myself everytime I failed her. I did do what I could in those marshes, but that was just not good enough. Not even Isilme and Eàmanë’s powers could be matched against that shaman, so how could I?

Then, days later, we were talking to Isilme about going somewhere. I said that I still had this request from Juanita to retrieve oil of Vukas for her in the Grey Peaks. We decided to give it a try, and gathered a large group to go there. There were others as well that had talked to Juanita about it, so we thought we could combine our efforts. The Grey Peaks are quite a dangerous place, so forming this group seemed the wise thing to do. A guy named Glenn was one of the first to join us, and he became our leader. He was the one in charge of tactics, and the first part of the trip that went very well. We took out a lot of ogres without any real problems. But then the chances were turning against us. The ogres we came across further in the mountains had a lot of mages with them. People were starting to fall everywhere. Glenn was the first one that died, and without his leadership things were getting hopeless. Sturdy was next. Then Thaïs fell as well by the magic of an ogre mage. I saw her being attacked and stormed her way, but I got there too late. In blind anger, I hacked away at the mage, and nearly fell myself. I was bleeding to death next to Thaïs when Azak healed my wounds. He was rather annoyed at me for running into that mage, but I didn’t care at that time. Thaïs had died, again. The only thing to do was to move on. We tried to get back to Hlint, but that was not easy. Finally we managed to get back to the road to Fort Llast. Most left to Hlint then, but there were some that wanted to help Sturdy, who had made it back there with some help, go back to his grave. I felt at least partly responsible for all these deaths, so I volunteered to help him. With Storold, Garnet and Azak we went back. It was even harder for us now, since we were only with so few. At some point we saw another of those ogre mages blocking our way. Storold was the only one that wanted to go on, saying it wouldn’t be a problem, that we could take it. Well, he went on, attacked the thing, and we all ran into the fight. And Azak died. Another one dead. It was getting really hopeless. After some serious discussions we agreed to go back. Storold and Garnet went to Hlint I think, while Sturdy, Azak and me went to find Juanita in Fort Llast. At least she paid us well. The thanks we got for all this misery was small. Just a little thank you, and away she went. Had it been worth all these deaths? I don’t know. And I could not think straight anymore. I was so tired. I said my farewells to my last two companions and went back to Hlint, to find Thaïs.

I found her in the crafting hall, where she was working on her armor. Despite the fact that she had fallen in the Grey Peaks, I must say she looked radiant. She also showed me a dress her mother gave her that I had never seen before. It was stunning. We went to the inn to get some drinks. And then Thaïs suggested that we go goblin bashing in the red light caves! I was too weary to object or try to talk her out of it, so we went. And at least then we did well. I think we even cleared out all or most of the cave of these little things. Still high from that victory we went to the campfire. Thaïs fell asleep in my arms almost immediately. I though about how our fight just then, when we were just the two of us, went so much better than the fights in those groups, when I also finally collapsed, and fell asleep with Thaïs in my arms.

[Melgrin]

When I woke up, Thaïs was still asleep. For some time, I just sat there, holding her, watching her sleep. She’s so beautiful, it almost hurts me when I look at her. She is everything I could ever want. Yet at times there is a distance between us, however small it may be. The reason for that I can only guess at. Maybe it is my insecurity and maybe it is because Thaïs is not yet fully cured.

Thaïs woke up and smiled at me. We had some breakfast at the campfire and started to talk about what we would be doing that day. Again, Thaïs seemed so restless. For some time now, she has this constant craving for adventure, to seek out new places, and clean them of any monsters that are hiding there. I don’t mind accompanying her, in fact I love the exercise it gives me and I see it is improving my fighting skills a lot, but the eagerness with which she goes at it, is frightening me. What will happen if she gets bored with slashing the umpteenth ogre? I fear it might mean that she will collapse in yet another mood, a dark one even. Yet the only thing I can do is be there with her. And that in itself is rewarding enough for me. I love being around her, seeing her smile, laugh, and doing her things. Fortunately I am able to forget about this dark cloud I sometimes see at her – no, our – future.

In Hlint we met Angela and Abi, with whom we agreed to travel to the Dragon Isles. Even though our last trip there was from my point of view a disaster, they still had something to show us there. Thaïs waved my concerns about the trip away, saying that her falling had been an unfortunate accident, and that she had no doubts of our combined strengths. We picked up a fellow traveler by the name of Vestlyn, a cleric of Ilsare. The five of us traveled to Fort Velensk to sail to the isles. On the way we had a break at the broken forest, and slayed some of the restless souls that lurk there. In Fort Velensk, Angela made a seemingly small remark about how she hated the town, especially the prison and the temple.  Apparently, Rofirein is an enemy to the gods they pay homage to. I hate to think what this would mean if Thaïs does decide to once more become an acolyte of the Lord Protector. Will they still want to be friends with Thaïs?

We had a short, rough voyage to the Dragon Isles. When we landed, we made for the place where we were supposed to go the last time, a cave. Angela and Abi made some strange hints about what we would find in the cave, and were talking about cows. I had no clue what they were talking about until we went in and saw the first of the creatures. They were humanoid things with bull’s heads, and they attacked with great strength. We went through the caves and slayed a lot of those things that kept attacking us on sight. Thaïs exclaimed that she hadn’t received a single scratch, which pleased me a lot. But then Abi pulled out a small knife and started playing with it, looking playfully at Thaïs. She even asked her if she would like to be scratched by her… what got into the mind of her, I wonder. Thaïs just stared at the knife, looking restlessly at Abi until she finally put it away. After we went through the whole of the cave, we went back to the boat and sailed for Fort Velensk.

Abi and Angela did not want to share in the loot, so Thaïs and I only had to share it with Vestlyn, who accepted the money modestly. He didn’t know what he would be spending it on yet. I think I will use my gold to get some better weapon for Thaïs or myself, or maybe improve the sword I have now. It is a splendid weapon, and I love to use it. And I will of course let Thaïs share in my relative wealth – it would not give me much joy if I didn’t anyway. Then Abi got out some wine she was carrying and offered some to Thaïs. Thaïs couldn’t or wouldn’t say no to that, and in a matter of minutes had drunk the entire bottle. Which made her tipsy… to put it kindly. Abi brought out another bottle and I had a sip as well. Well, sip, I guess it was more than that. In fact, I think Thaïs never saw a drop of wine from that bottle. It was a good, but strong wine, and I enjoyed it thoroughly. I couldn’t remember the last time I had had a wine this nice. Abi said it was a xeenite wine. I’ll take her word for it.

We said our farewells. It had been a good trip, and I had enjoyed the company of Angela and Abi. Even Vestlyn had been kind. I offered Thaïs my arm and together we somehow made it to Port Hampshire, where we went straight for the inn. We got ourselves a room there. The beds they have there… so much better than the rooms in Hlint. Sometimes I don’t understand why we don’t stay there more often. Thaïs and I had a nice romantic evening before we both fell asleep, exhausted.

[Melgrin]

I should have stayed in bed, and kept the door locked. Now, I fear, things are lost for good. Why couldn’t I just have resisted that urge to go hunting? If I could turn back time, I would do so, and I would pay whatever the cost.

I woke up with the urge to hunt some ogres, so I set off in the direction of Haven mines. On the way there, I found Eamane near the bindstone in Hlint, looking like she had just fallen. I asked her about it, and she told me she had been at Haven, where she had been attacked not just by ogres, but also by enemies with celestial summons. She warned me that I should stay away from that place, as it would almost certainly mean certain death. Well, that was the end to that plan. Good way to start the day. But unfortunately, that was just the beginning. But it had turned my mood into something dark already.

I was considering what to do instead, when Thaïs found me. We walked to the Inn to get some drinks. I tried to explain why I was as grumpy as I was. She tried to lift my spirits, and even succeeded some in that. She suggested we go to hunt lizards in the marshes instead. That should not be such a huge problem, right? Wrong. The first ones were easy, but then we ran into these slashing ones, and it did not take long for them to slash us to death… both.

We got some help from Barion and a lovely lady called Brisbane and we were able to recover our graves. Brisbane killed off the lizards with lightning like it was nothing. I don’t think I ever saw something like that. Brisbane escorted us back to Hlint.

We should not have gone to that place. We should have gone somewhere else. Why did we make that mistake? But I guess it was unavoidable… we would have walked into her anyway…

In Hlint, we were going to the benches when suddenly my heart skipped a few beats. I thought I saw Sy’Ravenne walking on the grass. But that could not be… she was gone, for good. But it was her, alright. She walked up to Thaïs and surprised her. The poor girl almost died there on the spot when she realized who it was. Sy started holding Thaïs’ hand and hugged her. She even started kissing her. I could not look at it… not there, in the middle of town, with all these people around us. It was too painful, too embarrassing. I pleaded with Thaïs and Sy to go someplace more quiet, to talk things over. At first I don’t think Sy wanted, but after some time Thaïs accepted, and we ran over to the lake in the hills near Haven.

There, Sy continued to kiss and hug Thaïs. I tried to make her stop. What was she thinking? That after a year or so, she could just come up to Thaïs and continue where they left off. Thaïs was looking utterly confused, and I could not blame her. I told them, told Sy, that I didn’t want to deny her seeing Thaïs, or even more, but not this quick, at least not without giving Thaïs – and me – some time to recover from this shock. Doing so I even said things to Thaïs which have hurt her… but I could not help it. It hurt me, seeing my Thaïs being eaten alive by this woman. Then, Sy said she would leave us for now, give us time to talk. But, the next time she will see Thaïs, she can come with her, or stay with me. Thaïs rolled her eyes and fainted.

I knelt at her side, and tried to bring her back, but failed. Then, as I was getting up to think about what to do, Sy almost fell upon Thaïs, and started trying to bring her to in her own way. I could not watch that anymore. It was just too much. I pushed her away, took Thaïs in my arms and shook her until she regained consciousness. Not long after Sy left with the promise to come back to Thaïs and take her with her, if she wanted to.

I was just stunned. I could not think properly. I tried to talk to Thaïs, but I couldn’t. In the end, we just stood there… looking out over Haven. Then, suddenly, Thaïs threatened to jump off the cliff. I grabbed her before she could do anything stupid like that. I just held her, and let her cry. I told Thaïs that I would not force her in any way this time. It was her decision, and if she would take Sy over me, than I would accept that. What else could I do?

[Melgrin]

I am at a loss. What am I to do? I cannot force Thaïs in any way. It might even push her to Sy. But what if she leaves me? What have I got to live for then? I don’t think I want to live anymore if she decides to go with Sy. But she may never know this. I don’t want her to stay with me because she feels sorry for me.

At least it will become clear to me if she really loves me. If she chooses me…

[Melgrin]

Thaïs has made her choice know to me… to us… I met with Sy and Thaïs at the same place we met before, that beautiful, quiet lake near Haven castle. It took Thaïs a great deal of strength to let us know what she chose.

She did not choose for either me or Sy. At first, I thought I was going to loose my mind. But then she explained her reasons. She feels that the ‘others’ – as she calls them – are trying to get back. And Sy returning and giving her this choice has made things worse. She is now resolved, more than ever, to find healing for her mind. And she feels she cannot be bound by anything, or anyone, while she is on that path.

I told her that I would still be there for her, if she needed me to accompany her on that journey. I told her I would follow her to the end of the world and beyond. And I would, without a single thought.

Somehow, this news brings some peace for me. It isn’t the thing I had longed for. But it allows me to be with her and to protect her, and that is good enough for me, now. Later, who knows, what happens, what will become of Thaïs. But now, at least she did not send me away. I will stand by her and help her.

Sy was as surprised with her decision as I was. But I also think she had not really counted on Thaïs choosing her. She was even trying to make Thaïs stay with me, I think. But she was still devastated by the news. She and Thaïs had their talk, I had stepped away. I had to give them that space. Sy left Thaïs with tear-stricken face. I think that she even cried on the way north. I felt sorry for her, even though she had almost taken Thaïs away from me, and is at least partially responsible that Thaïs had now more or less left me. I hope she gets over Thaïs soon.

I told Thaïs I needed some time to think this new thing over. I wanted to be alone, let out my emotions, without her seeing them. I told her I was going to stay in the Inn at Port Hampshire, and that she only needed to send word to me if she was ready for her journey. Now I am here alone in this room with its big bed. I cannot help thinking back to the nights Thaïs and I spent here. But I will be strong. The stronger I will be, the better I can help Thaïs, and the higher the chances that things will turn right again. I will live on that hope, and on that resolve to be there for her.