The Lives and Loves of Amarath Arowen

[Melgrin]

My world collapsed tonight. I thought I knew Thaïs, my love. And I thought she loved me too. Only me. But this was not to be. She confessed to me tonight that she also loved this woman, Sy’Ravenne. They met only a few days ago, but they told me it was love they felt for each other. I could not have thought that Thaïs would do this to me.

Earlier today, Thaïs already behaved strangely, now I come to think of it. But that is looking back, and looking back is easy. It’s seeing it coming that is the hard part. A guy named Elladan had posted a note in the Wild Surge Inn about some misfortunate encounter we had had. I wrote a reply to that, saying that all was well, but when my eye fell on the note this morning, I saw that Thaïs had written an insult to me below that. Something about me not knowing how to write… When I went looking for her, I could not find her anywhere. I even traveled as far as Leilon and Krandor, but only when I returned to the crafting hall in Hlint, I found Thaïs. She didn’t even react to my anger; instead she started accusing me of abandoning her, not protecting her when she needed it. I indeed have made a vow to Thaïs that I would always protect her. I will do that without question, as I love her like nothing else in the world. But she accused me of leaving her for days. She even showed me scars on her neck to prove that she had been attacked when I wasn’t there. I told her I had been out hunting boar and bear with some people I met, and had been collecting skeleton knuckles in the Hlint crypts. But I have never been away from Hlint for more than a few hours, surely. And when I went out, I let her know I went out, at least the times when she was in the Wild Surge with me. I have never prevented her from going anywhere, and she should also not do so for me. I only ask of her that I can come with her if she’s traveling far or into dangerous places.

When we were trying to sort out our differences, I decided I needed a few minutes of fresh air. I went outside and when I looked back at the road, I saw Thaïs running through the west gate. I thought she would be back in a minute, so I didn’t run after her immediately. When she still hadn’t returned after twenty minutes, I was getting concerned. I asked Trysk, whom I met yesterday at the campfire just outside Hlint, to let Thaïs know I went looking for her, if by chance she returned before I did. He said he would keep an eye out. I again went to both Leilon and Krandor, but in neither place did I find Thaïs. When I returned to Hlint, Trysk was still sitting outside the smithy, next to Angela. Trysk hadn’t seen Thaïs go by – he had been dozing so he said – but Angela told me Thaïs had just passed with Sy. When I asked her who this guy Sy was, she told me that Sy’s a she. This was confusing me even more. I took a wild guess and found the both of them at the Inn.

Thaïs and I met a couple of months ago in that same Inn in Hlint. We immediately were attracted to each other, but our joint quests really made us into a good team. Not only could we work well together, there were more and more frequent moments of tenderness whenever we had a moment of rest. On one of these occasions, Thaïs told me about how she was abused when she was still a young temple virgin. This explained Thaïs’ hesitance to go further than a kiss. She told me how the priests of her temple could have been involved in her misfortune, and I swore an oath to her that I would help her sort her past out, and that I would be at her side from then on. Somehow, this cleared up things between us, and after that day we made love on several occasions, in the most unthinkable places. She declared that she loved me, and I said I loved her, too.

Thaïs and Sy’Ravenne sat at the table in the back of the common room of the Inn. When I started explaining to Thaïs that I had been concerned for her, she said there was something else that needed to be talked about. She motioned us to the private room, and when I entered, this Sy person also came in. I asked her to leave, but Thaïs told me that it also concerned her. That was when I was getting really confused and worried. Stuttering, Thaïs told me that she loved Sy. And she still loved me. When I asked her if I heard her right, she confirmed. Sy’Ravenne also said she loved Thaïs. My love then dared to suggest to me that she continue to love both me and that woman! How could I even think about that! I had given Thaïs all my love, and now I had to share her with someone else? I made clear to Thaïs that I could never do such a thing. I love her with all my heart, so how could I imagine her proposal? I told Thaïs that I wanted her to make a choice between her and me. Thaïs was really in doubt. All the while Sy was making these faces when I was talking to my love. At some point I had had it with her, and told her so. She made some remark that she would have hit me if ony I had been a real man. That did it. I punched the elf in the face, and she went down like the wench she is. After that, she left without much further comments. Thaïs and I continued our talk outside the private room. After a meal and a few pints, we decided that it was better to call it a day. I was too confused to share a room with Thaïs, so I bought us two rooms for the night.

And now I am sitting here, alone in this room, with my love in the room next to me… I hope. This whole situation is hurting me. I will sleep on it. I hope the morning brings some wisdom for me. I really hope it does, for I am without, and know not what to do. Am I asking too much from her? Can I ask of her to be faithful to me, when in her world it is possible to love more than one? Should I not accept her idea that while she is my true love, there could be others for both her and me? Others that we have a different kind of relationship with? It confuses me. I really need to sleep on that.

[Melgrin]

When I woke up, I didn’t feel up to seeing Thaïs yet. I still didn’t know what to do or what to say to her; things were still not very clear in my head. I decided that I would go out, maybe hunt a bit, and let the fresh air do its thing to me. When I walked past the benches in Hlint, I saw Angela, Kaizer, Acacea, and some other people talking there. Seeing Kaizer reminded me of what Thaïs had said about Sy’Ravenne, that she was to be married to Kaizer. I felt the urge to warn him about Sy, but there were too many people around, so I decided I would do that some other time. It could not wait long, though. If I was too late they may have gotten married already.

I went north of Hlint, bashed some orcs, went to the goblin wastelands, bashed some goblins, but none of this seemed to help. I went back to the Wild Surge Inn, got me a few bottles of Ale, and went outside to drink them. Maybe I could find wisdom in those bottles, because the blood of orcs and goblins had not worked its magic on me. Going back to the benches, I noticed that Kaizer was still sitting there, while most of the others had left. After a few minutes, he left as well, alone. I decided this was the time, so I ran after him through the gate.

Right outside the gate he turned to me, and asked me if I was following him. Of course, something like this would not go unnoticed by someone as powerful as Kaizer. I had only once met him before, when I went with a large group into a crypt full of undead. I could only try to keep up and not get myself killed that time. Kaizer had been one of the groups leaders. Stuttering, I began to tell him about Thaïs and Sy. Kaizer, or Kai, as everyone seems to call him as I found out later, told me Sy had already left Kai for Annunon something, who she had already started calling “her true love”, apparently. He did not seem to be very moved by the fact that Sy had been seeing Thaïs, and he also looked as if he had started getting over Sy. He called her the red homewrecker – what a fitting name for that witch! It appears that the soul mother is calling him, and that time maybe running out for him, so maybe he doesn’t have time for this complicated love-life anymore. It looked to me he wants to live the life that remains to him to the fullest.

Kai gave me some good advice on how to deal with Thaïs’ relationship. He said that you can’t control another, but you can guide her. That sounds so true, and I do have to trust Thaïs in this. She wanted to explore some tastes in life but now she’s back to me. Make love to her and show her how you feel, get her something special as a gift from you, he told me. Well, I guess he spoke true. I should show Thaïs how I feel about her, and when she sees that I love her with all my heart, she will know what to do, also.

We then went to the broken forest. Kai wanted to chop some oak for his new home. We encountered many undead in that forest, but none lasted very long. Kai did most of the killing of course, but I like to think I did pretty well there as well. There must have been so many travelers that were attacked by these undead, because they carried much gold. Well, at least we got to even the score a bit, to balance the evil that had happened there. Kai told me that once he had made love there, in the forest. Apparently, the undead had waited until they were done, before they attacked. And I thought Thaïs and I had found some unthinkable places to make love! I guess Kai is not only better at fighting than I am. We met several people in the forest. One of them was a bard called Azinas who was wearing the loudest colors I have ever seen. His songs were great, though, and he warmed our hearts with them. Another was a woman named Paula, who Kai tried to seduce. I don’t think he got what he wanted, though.

We went back through Sielwood forest. We all got bitten by the spiders that live there, and it took some time and healing to get the poison out of our systems. I hate those spiders. The venom makes my knees weak, so I can only walk very slowly, and it affects the strength of my sword arm as well. But, in the end, the spiders were just bugs compared to the undead and ogres we killed before in the broken forest. So we emerged from Sielwood hurt, but not too badly.

On the way to Hlint we split the gold, and Kai offered to show me his house. The road took us through Hlint. In front of the Inn, Sy’Ravenne passed the two of us, but she ignored us completely. So this is how cruel that woman is! I wish my life had never become infected by her, and feel sorry for Kai as well. We went to his place near Haven castle, where I was shown around. He has so many chests there full of armor, weapons, and what not. I could not believe what I was seeing. He must be so rich; I cannot begin to imagine it. And instead of just hoarding this wealth, he puts it to use. He gave me a new iron sword and shield, a new half plate armor, and more. He even took me to his other house – as if one was not enough! – near Blackford castle. That house was the most luxurious I have ever seen. A big dining room, lots of storage rooms, and the biggest bedroom you can think of, with an adjoining bathroom. He must have had quite some fun there. But now the house looked empty. I hope Kai finds a new woman soon to warm it again. He found some presents for me to give to Thaïs. I hope she will like what I selected for her; they will help her well in her fights. I thanked Kai for all the gifts. I did not think that there were people like Kai; he is such a generous person.

With me now more than fully packed, we said our farewells. It was a slow journey to the Inn, but I got there eventually. Now, I’m going to sort it all out, and throw away what I don’t need anymore. I’m beginning to look like a mule with this much stuff. I need to work on the armor, though. The plate I got from Kai comes with a cape that’s the most hideous purple. I need to change that before I use it. It just isn’t me. Maybe I can find some dye to make it the same color that is on the helmet I got from Dalton of Krandor. The armor I got for Thaïs is all black. It seems to have been made from a black bear’s hide. I will see if I can do something to it to make it less gloomy, but I need to be careful that I don’t ruin it, because that would be a waste. I’m afraid that that will have to wait until tomorrow; I really need to get some sleep, because I’m all worn out.

It has been a busy day. Tomorrow, I will go to Thaïs, and make everything all right again. I hope.

[Melgrin]

Well, I didn’t make everything all right again. In fact, things are now even worse than they were before.

Things started off badly when I saw Sy’Ravenne standing near the well across the street from the Inn with her new lover. I decided to confront her with her foul behavior towards her former fiancée. Sy told me that, although she had been intending to marry Kai, she was sure that he was going to cheat on her, and that she would not have minded that. It was again the same story that she had fed Thaïs; loving more than one at the same time. She must be a very disturbed person to really believe in such a thing. She told me she left him because he had been cruel and violent to a friend of hers. Well, what about that! Who had been cruel to whom? She then dared to say was sorry that she’d hurt Thaïs, but that it had been Thaïs who had thrown herself at Sy. Surely that proved she is twisting the truth, and is seeing things only how she wants them to see. I have known Thaïs for some time now, and I’m sure she would never have done such a horribly thing, not my Thaïs.

I would have told Sy I hold her responsible for Thaïs sorrow, but apparently she was on her way to rescue friends. If I wanted to, I could follow. Me, following her? While I could be with my love? What was she thinking? When I told her to go do what she had to, that seemed to anger her immensely, and she threatened to gut me if her friends died. Pah! Didn’t she remember the first time I put her in her place? But I wasn’t in the mood anymore for dealing with this raging fool. I longed to see Thaïs, so I crossed the street to the Inn and went inside. The threats and insults she threw my way I decided to ignore.

So, there I was, with the second elven woman’s death threat on my list. How could things possibly get worse?

Thaïs was waiting for me in the back of the common room of the Inn. She was wearing some hideous bag of a dress, and addressed me in the most formal of ways; calling me Sir Arowen, knight, and such. She told me she had done some thinking and was now resolved to find out the truth about what happened to her in the temple. I was confused; hadn’t we already made that vow, the both of us? She said she was wearing these clothes because she wanted to do penance. I told her I was willing to forgive her affair with Sy’Ravenne, when she shocked me by pretending not to know that name. What game is she playing with me? What does she think that will accomplish? She said it was the demon who had soiled her body and spirit when she had summoned him, that had made her believe she needed to do penance. What was she thinking? She had been the victim in this, why then should she have to pay?

I waved her strange behavior away as something that would pass again, and presented her my first gift, the bear hide armor, to protect her from harm. She accepted it, but said she needed to ‘mend’ it before she could wear it, so she went to the crafting hall. When she returned, the beautiful black bear hide had been… covered with some material. I did not recognize it anymore, but Thaïs assured me she had made it better. She even bought some dye to color it in her Lord’s color, some golden yellow that looks a bit greenish. I didn’t want to tell her, but I think it kind of ruined the hide. To disguise my disappointment, I showed her my new plate armor. She proposed we go hunting to try out our new equipment. We killed some orcs and some goblins, and their blood was everywhere. I was so confused by Thaïs’ behavior, that I completely lost myself in those fights, and only when the last goblin had been killed, did I think to look if Thaïs was all right. I think I was successful in hiding that, because she smiled and proposed we go back to the Inn. It would be the perfect moment to show my love to her, I reckoned. But she pulled the final trick on me when she insisted we should take separate rooms.

Had I completely misjudged the situation? I was so stricken by her attitude that I didn’t complain and just went to my room. I think I didn’t even wish her a good night. And I haven’t presented her my second gift. It just did not feel right.

[Melgrin]

I stopped trying to sleep after two hours or so. Thaïs’ behavior and the things she had said to me keep my mind too busy to lay down and rest. I cannot help but think that the whole incident with Sy somehow has changed Thaïs in a profound way. But it not just that she changed. Why had she pretended not to know Sy, when she already had admitted she had lain with that woman only days ago? Why didn’t she want to change into her new armor with me near, when before she had done the same without hesitation? Why did she flinch everytime I touched her?

Could it be that Sy'Ravenne was right, and I do not know her at all? Is Thaïs toying with me, seeing how far she can go until I break down and leave?

It was only yesterday I felt like being a part of her, but that feeling is gone. Now, I almost cannot even remember what it felt like.

[Melgrin]

I met with Angela today when I was returning from a trip to the goblin caves. She was wearing armor so exquisite that I initially mistook it for a dress. After I made her a compliment on the armor, and we had exchanged some small talk, I asked her if I could talk to her about Thaïs. I don’t know why, but Angela seems so wise to me in matters of the heart. I was convinced that she could help me understand what was happening. That, and the fact that she’s so beautiful, that I really like to be near her. Maybe I should not be around other women, not now, when I’m so confused about my love for Thaïs. And Angela did not make things easier for me this fine day, although she really tried to help me by listening and giving good advice.

We went to the Inn and I bought her the chef’s special dinner, something I think I never even did for Thaïs. It just happened. I was walking there with two steaming plates before I knew what I was doing. I hope Angela doesn’t take it the wrong way. Or maybe I do. She told me that she gave someone she loved a gift, after which he ran away, and she hasn’t seen him since. Why am I even thinking about this?

I told Angela that Thaïs had been behaving strangely the last few days, behaving in a way I did not recognize. She asked me if I loved Thaïs, but I could not answer that. I cannot, because there is a fog in my heart that makes it impossible to see things clearly. She said I needed to find out if I loved her, and if I did, that I should forgive her. I told Angela that I already had told Thaïs that I forgave her for what she did with Sy’Ravenne. But that, when I did tell Thaïs so, she had acted as if she didn’t know who Sy was. Angela thought this strange as well, and offered to help me understand what Thaïs was ailing.

Angela told me her story of what happened between Thaïs and Sy’Ravenne. They had been to the crypt in Krandor, when they went to the Inn for some beer and fun. According to Angela, Sy seduced Thaïs as much as Thaïs seduced Sy. They had been both just as eager to taste each other’s body. When everybody had left for the night, Thaïs and Sy had gotten a room together. The next day, they all went out hunting, when Thaïs and Sy stepped aside to have a talk. Suddenly, they saw a big cat watching the two women. They tried to get it to leave, but instead it had attacked Thaïs. The cat was quickly put down, and that was when the animal had changed into the form of Ly. Ly, as Angela told me, was one of Sy’s dumpies. Sy had left Angela for Ly, and Ly for Thaïs. It seemed likely to me then that I would probably keep running into ex lovers of Sy, as I now seemed to be doing. Ly was one of these people that can change their form into an animal, and dying had brought back into her true form. When Sy saw Ly lying there, she started crying. Angela told her rightly that it had been her own fault, but Thaïs started to defend Sy. Angela responded by saying she hoped she was ready for a lot of pain, after which she left. She hadn’t seen Thaïs since, and it appeared to Angela that Thaïs had been avoiding her, maybe thinking that Angela would hurt her if she found her. I said I would convince Thaïs that she needn’t worry about that, and Angela promised me to talk to Thaïs when she saw her, maybe find out a bit about what was wrong with Thaïs. I really appreciated that she made that promise, but some dark part of me is hoping that she fails.

Before we said farewell, Angela told me she had made her peace with Sy, although she could or would not talk about the reasons for doing so. When I explained to her that Sy will probably try to kill me the next time we see each other, she told me not to be so sure about that. Sy had probably said that because she was hurt. Maybe I should try to talk to Sy’Ravenne the next time I run into her, and not just be nasty to her like I did the last time. I know now that it wasn’t just her fault what passed between her and Thaïs, that Thaïs for some unthinkable reason had been just as guilty. Maybe I judged her too harshly. Angela then hugged me and said goodbye. She needed to gather some knuckles for someone, and I needed to smelt my copper at the smith’s place.

I went to the smith and smelted the copper I had found in the goblin caves. It was clear that I did not bring my mind to do the job, instead leaving it wondering about women, because I was terrible. I only succeeded to smelt one of the copper ingots. Fortunately, that was enough to try make a small shield, as I still had three other pieces from my precious try. I went to the anvil and actually made my very first shield! I was so proud of myself, that after all these failed attempts I had succeeded in creating a piece of armor. I looked at the shield and decided to throw it in the garbage can, as it was still far from perfect. Also, I had now an iron shield, and I did not feel like carrying all that stuff around. I was packing enough already.

Coming outside again in the sun, I almost ran into Angela. She was wearing such a beautiful dress that I was almost struck speechless. It showed much of her, and that did not hurt my eyes. Of course I had to compliment her on that dress, and she seemed to like that. She asked me about my crafting, and I told her about my first success. She was glad for me, and asked to see the shield, but of course I had to tell her I didn’t have it anymore. She offered to go with me to the goblin caves to do some more mining. How could I refuse that? I had thought of calling it a day, but to go there with a lady as beautiful as her, who would not go? She ran to the bank to fetch her armor and shield, and I ran after her. She asked me why I was walking behind her, and I kidded her by saying I was there to admire the view. She stunned me by saying she didn’t mind. Could I be sure I wasn’t kidding myself?

The trip to the caves was short and successful. Angela fought brave and well. On more than one occasion she managed to smash the goblins to bits before they could raise a weapon to her. Back in Hlint Angela reminded me we should split the loot of the goblins. I felt ashamed I hadn’t thought of that, so I immediately examined my purse to see what the score was. One of the first things that touched my fingers was a nice silver ring I had found on the body of one of these creatures. Without thinking I offered the ring to Angela, but she refused by saying she already had a ring. Then it hit me what I had just done, and I hurried to tell her I didn’t mean it like that. She smiled at me and asked me if I was sure about that. I took too much time to think about that, but she saved me by saying I should save it for Thaïs. I said I was going to try to smelt the copper again, and needed her to wish me luck. Instead, she hugged me, saying it was for luck. I offered to walk her to the Inn, which she accepted. After that, I went back to the smithy, and had much better success in smelting. It must have helped me, then.

So, where does all that leave me? Angela has helped me a lot by listening to my stories and giving me advice. But I’m no nearer to knowing how I feel about Thaïs. I think I should go to her, offer her my ring, and see how it goes from there. That will be the best thing to do now. And if it turns out that we’re not to be together, we’ll see what happens then.

[Melgrin]

I went twice to the goblin caves to mine, and both times were successful. I’m really getting better at this. Next time I should take a mule with me, so I can bring more copper. The smelting is also improving, although it’s still not to my liking. But at least it was enough to let me make a second shield. I kept is this time, and have stored it at the bank, so I can show Angela next time I see her. It does feel a bit silly though, now that I think of it.

When I came back from the second run to the caves, I saw Sy’Ravenne and her lover walking to the campfire outside Hlint. I didn’t go to her immediately, I needed to steady my thoughts first. I went back to the smith. When I was ready there, I needed to go see her. I approached them, and apologized to Sy for my behavior the other day. I told her that I found out that Thaïs was as much to blame for what happened as her, and had judged her maybe a bit harshly. She surprised me by saying that she didn’t believe Thaïs had had any choice in the matter, but that she’s a coin with two sides, unable to control which one is seen. Sy and her friend suggested I should go to Thaïs, and do something that will bring her round, and make her forget about Sy.

Sy seemed to want to help me, but Thaïs had attacked her the last time they met, and she didn’t believe Thaïs wanted to talk to her anymore. She even showed me the scars on her wrist that Thaïs had caused. Thaïs had been begging one minute, and the next minute she tried to kill her. She only calmed down when Sy held her for some time.

When I left them, Sy’Ravenne surprised me even more by not only accepting my apology, but also saying she would have done the same. She said I was a better person than she, for she would have tried to kill me. Of course she wouldn’t have stood a chance, but I didn't say that. No need to rub that in.

Before I went back to the Wild Surge, I sat a bit on the benches, maybe hoping that I would see Angela again. Or was it Thaïs I was waiting for? I wish the mess in my mind would clear up, so that I can tell what it is that my heart wants.

[Melgrin]

I am lost. I could never have thought that love is this painful. I am now almost sure Thaïs is not for me. I will seek her out now and demand of her an explanation. There is still some hope in me that I am wrong, and that somehow the information I have is not what it seems.

When I stepped out of the Inn, I saw Angela entering the gates of Hlint. I wanted to know if she had talked to Thaïs, and gotten some insight into Thaïs’ behavior. Well, she had talked to Thaïs, and had heard some disturbing things. Disturbing for me, that is. Thaïs had told her that she not only knows who Sy’Ravenne is, but that she still loves Sy. I got the feeling Angela had been told more by Thaïs, but she didn’t say much else. Had to run to find someone.

I really need to talk to Thaïs now. Hear her side of things, before I start doing things I might regret later.

[Melgrin]

I found Thaïs rather quickly. I was too upset to talk to her in Hlint, and told her to follow me outside to a quieter place. Of course she still denied loving or knowing Ravenne, she even told me she hadn’t talked to Angela in a long time. She acted very unsure of herself, but I could not feel sorry for her, not with the knowledge I had. She told me she loved me, but I couldn’t love her back. Not then. The words of Angela about Thaïs still loving Ravenne did not go away, they stayed where they were; right between me and Thaïs. When I confronted her with the things I had learned talking to Angela and Ravenne, she started crying. She felt as if some great wrong was being done to her. Well, I would have cried, if I could, for I was convinced that great wrong was done to me.

But then things started to change, in a subtle way. Thaïs started exploring possible explanations for what I made to be her behavior. Maybe the demon that visits her in her dreams had something to do with it, maybe she was possessed? Another possibility we explored was that someone is pretending to be her, and trying to drive Thaïs and me apart. But this imposter had to know Thaïs very well, for I am sure I met her. And loved her. This I also told Thaïs who was taken aback by that. She then made everything even harder for me when she told a true thing; that if this was true, and there was another person pretending to be Thaïs, I had liked and loved that person, not her.

Thaïs seemed to cling to the idea that there must be a double in Hlint. I could not help having great doubts about that. I kept hearing this voice in my head that this was all nonsense, and that Thaïs was just toying with me, that there was no imposter. I fear this voice is not going to go away. I wanted to believe that Thaïs in innocent in this; I just couldn’t, not then.

By that time the rain had become quit heavy, and lightning was striking near. We went back to Hlint, to continue our talk in the Inn, with some meal and drinks. But then we ran into Angela, just in front of the Inn. I thought maybe she could shed some light onto the matter, or at least she could see with her own eyes that this Thaïs was not the Thaïs she was telling me about. I don’t know, but it could be just something that helped me get a better picture on the matter. Angela agreed to go inside with us, and hear our story. When we sat down in the back of the common room, another woman, who was introduced as Abi, joined us as well. Angela gave me the impression it was someone she knew well, and maybe could offer a hand. Although I did not know this woman, she had this air around her that made me trust her. So, where normally I would never have done such a thing, I found myself allowing her to sit at our table.

It became clear to Angela soon that this was not the same person she had met before, who told her she still loved Sy. Thaïs told her the last time she had met Angela was when we discussed going to Pranzis with her sister, Angelica. Apparently, Abi and Angela had been hunting with Thaïs the night before, but Thaïs had no recollection of that, or pretended not to have. We tried to explain the events, but could not reach a conclusion. I then remembered the scar that Thaïs had gotten when she had been attacked by Ly. Surely that should prove something. I had seen the scar on this Thaïs’ neck, even though it should have been the other Thaïs who’d been attacked. This stuck to my mind, but neither Angela nor Abi thought it evidence of one theory or another. What I thought it proved, I don’t know, but I felt it was important.

Thaïs told the other women the story of her past, how she had summoned her father and was thrown out of the temple of Rofirein. She said she thought her being weak at that time was one of the reasons that all this was happening to her. I did not want her to say such a thing. This was all done to her, not by her. She is not to blame for the misfortune that has befallen her, it’s the demon she summoned, or the priests of the temple. Or even both. But not Thaïs.

Abi suggested that she could find this other Thaïs and give her a scar without her even knowing it. The real Thaïs, this Thaïs, would not get the scar, and when we would meet again after Abi had scarred the other Thaïs, that would be easy to see. That is, if there are indeed two separate people. She had me pick the location of the scar. How could I choose? Since I was still convinced that there was a good chance there was no other person, that it was somehow Thaïs herself, this meant I was going to let someone scar the woman I had loved. And, if fate allowed it, would love again. After a long pause I said that she could put that scar on Thaïs’ back. At least it would not maim her on a visible place.

That was all agreed. Thaïs did not object to it, even though I saw she found it difficult. And it was all we could do for that night. Abi and Angela promised to do their investigations. So, where did that put me? Angela had made it clear the other Thaïs would not want to see me, she maybe even hated me. What can I do to help? Nothing, just sit and wait until either of these women reports back to me. But I felt I also had to add my part. I remembered the ring I had found earlier in the goblins cave. If I gave it to Thaïs, I felt this somehow would help things. If someone would meet the other Thaïs and see that one also had the ring… or, if the other Thaïs would let that ring disappear… I don’t know exactly, but at the time it felt like a good idea. So, I told Thaïs I had something to give to her, something to remind her of me when I wasn’t there and she would feel afraid or alone. I gave her the ring, she took it, and tears welled up in her eyes. She started to say something, but could not. She stood up and ran away. I had not thought it would provoke such a strong reaction from her. If I had known… no, I should not have done it. When I realized what had happened, I ran after her. Maybe I could explain better what I meant with it. Angela called me back, but I ignored her.

Leaving the Inn, I almost knocked Ravenne over. By the time I had told her I had no time to talk to her, Thaïs was gone, nowhere to be seen. Feeling terribly sad, I went back inside, to the two women. I explained why I had done what I had, and they told me in without using the words, that I was a fool, that it had been the wrong thing at the wrong time. What could I say? I saw that now as well, but it was done, and could not be undone.

I expressed again my concern that there might not be a double, that all this was Thaïs alone. Abi then made a suggestion that sent me reeling. Thaïs might be, she said, someone with two minds, each not knowing that the other exists. Could this be? Was there such a thing possible? It would clear the Thaïs I had loved from everything bad that she had done. But, on the other hand, it would also mean that Thaïs is ill, very ill. Some illness not treatable by any normal means, something a priest should treat. At least it would explain things that the other suggestions couldn’t, in my mind. Like the scar. Like the mood changes I had seen in Thaïs.

Angela and Abi said they will start investigating, and will get back to me when they have some news. So, now I am supposed to lay low until that time? I don’t know if I can.

[Melgrin]

I have to put my hands to use, or else my mind starts wandering into dark places. Well, I met some guy named Silphir who wanted to go into the crypts, for he had to find some essence for the undertaker. Talk about dark places… Well, at least it forced me to think of something else. We covered the whole crypt, but there was no essence to be found. Either someone else had already recovered it, or we didn’t look into the right places.

Back in Hlint there seemed to be a gathering of orcs. While I was looking at them, Angela walked past. She asked me if I had seen Thaïs already, after she had run from me, which of course I didn’t. I wanted to ask her if she had found anything, or had even seen Thaïs, but she seemed to be preoccupied with something, and ignored me mostly. Had I made the right decision asking her to help me and Thaïs? Maybe she wasn’t as dedicated to finding the truth as I had thought. Or, could it be that…. she was toying with me as well, playing the game together with Thaïs? That both were deceiving me? Ahhh, if only I knew what was the truth! This uncertainty is crippling me. I am seeing traitors everywhere. If it takes too long I will go mad as well!

[Melgrin]

Returning from a mining run to the red light caves, I found Thaïs sitting on the bench in front of the bank. I ran to her immediately and asked her how she was, that I had been concerned about her well being. She reacted cool as ice, saying it was too late for me to worry about her. When I was thinking about what she meant by that, she told me to stop pestering her and get lost. I was so shocked that I still didn’t see what was happening. Only when I had ran away to the smith shop, it dawned on me that she had been wearing a short dress that left little to the imagination, and that the expression on her face had been different from yesterday. But despite that, I was sure it had been Thaïs, the same person, and not someone else. The little gestures she made, the lines of her face, impossible that this had been someone else…

[Melgrin]

From the smith I went over to the pond behind it. Standing there, I suddenly heard Thaïs’ voice, apparently talking to someone else. I immediately hid behind the building, and tried to hear what they were talking about. I soon heard, and saw, that it was Angela, talking to Thaïs, and not much later they were joined by Ravenne. They were all sooo very nice to each other, hinting about things they had done together, and talking about how they weren’t angry at each other anymore. And when Thaïs suggested that they’d do an ladies-only to the haven mines, Angela and Ravenne didn’t try very hard to discourage that. For Ravenne, I can understand that. She doesn’t yet know about Thaïs’ condition. But Angela! I thought if she really believed Thaïs to have these two persons inside her mind, she would have tried to discourage going to those dangerous mines. It is just plain stupid to take along a person that can change into this uncertain, timid person like the Thaïs that did want to talk to me. Only when she didn’t believe that, and was just playing the game with Thaïs, would she act like this. It fit the way she tried to ignore me last night as well.

The three of them went to the temple, I guess to get some potions there. I again hid behind a building, but this time I couldn’t hear what they were saying. Suddenly, they left that place, and I lost them. I was afraid they already left for Haven mines, so I waited a few minutes to give them a head start, and ran there. I went inside the mines, but stopped when I saw an ogre around the corner. Obviously, the girls hadn’t been there, or there would be either ogre bodies, or worse, their bodies on the floor. Figuring that they were still around Hlint somewhere, I sneaked out and ran back.

Getting to behind the bank in Hlint, I found that I had been right. I found them standing there, and they had been joined by two other women, Ranéwin and Ireth. So, they are in it as well… They left for Haven mines, and I followed them from a safe distance. I needed to know what they were talking about, and try to get some prove that Thaïs, Angela, and maybe others as well, are deceiving me. They stopped right before the entrance to the mines and talked about something that had happened to Ireth that the others were congratulating her with. I couldn’t figure out what, but apparently it would make some “Brit” happy. I had found a good hiding place behind the house opposite the road from the mine entry. Then they entered the mine. I thought about what to do for a minute or so, but I knew I had to follow, even though it could get me killed, or leave me exposed to them.

Again, I gave them a head start, and entered. I followed the way down, and found several ogre bodies, and none of them. Apparently they could handle a few of those monsters. A few times, I saw Thaïs bent over the ogre bodies, looting them. But she didn’t see me looking at her. But then, some time later, when they had gone deeper into the mines, Sy came running in my direction. I couldn’t hide quickly enough, so she saw me. Angela, who was running behind her, also saw me standing there. I asked her what she thought she was doing, thinking of how she had taken Thaïs with her, and she replied with a steel face that she was getting iron for Sy. I was completely stunned by such a bold answer. Then, Sy called “the girls” and they all went back to the entrance. Thaïs was the last one to pass me. She couldn’t stop herself from telling me again to get lost. It took all my strength to keep myself from hitting her to the floor. There is still a chance that she is just ill… I went outside as well, but I heard an ogre following me. I couldn’t outrun it, so I turned and attacked it. I nearly lost my life, but I managed to slay it before it could do me.

I knew that that night, there would be a masquerade party in the Leilon Inn. I thought there would be a good chance I would find all these women, or at least some of them there. Maybe I could recognize them by their voices, and find out more about them from listening to their talk. I bought myself a costume and some bandages that I put around my head, posing as a mummy.

I had never been to the Leilon Inn, and found it to be a very nice place. If I didn’t have to be so careful of being recognized and looking for Thaïs or one of these women, I could have liked the place. Instead, I felt totally out of place, and had a bad time. Some people tried to have a conversation with me, like this sparsely clad woman with an animal mask on, but I was too busy eavesdropping. Then, suddenly, I heard someone mention the name Thaïs. I think, trying to follow their conversation, it was Angela and Abi. Angela said she had found Thaïs earlier, and that she was wearing her dress, but she didn’t recognize Angela. The rest I could not hear because of the noise of the room. This was maybe some good news, though. It could mean that Angela and Abi were still on the trail, and were really trying to find out about Thaïs. That, or they had seen through my mask, and found it necessary to delude me even further by acting is if they were. I knew that I wouldn’t find definitive prove there, that there always will be some doubt about their true intentions. I had to leave that place, couldn’t stay any longer, not with all these people having fun around me. It made me feel terribly alone.

I realized I have started to miss Thaïs, miss her wit, her smile, her touch. But I cannot have that now. That other side of her hates my gut, and I fear to risk being exposed to her foul words. I hope Abi reaches me soon with good news.

[Melgrin]

I woke up and found a note in my pocket. It’s from Abi. She writes that Angela is now convinced that both Thaïs’ are one and the same, be she can't prove it. And that she, Abi, will continue to work on the case.

Maybe they are indeed dedicated to finding out about Thaïs, it has all signs pointing to it now. I’ll for now assume they do, and try to get the other possibilities out of my mind. I really must do so, and I will really try hard. But it’s better I do not see either of them. It will be better for them, and for me.

[Melgrin]

Things have cleared up a bit between Thaïs and me. I found her sitting on the benches in Hlint, as I did before. But then it had been the dark Thaïs, now it was the lovely Thaïs again. I didn’t approach her immediately, instead I watched her from behind the tree for some time to be sure it was her. When I finally did approach her, she fortunately didn’t reject me, and even seemed glad to see me. I expressed my regrets that I had treated her as I had, by not trusting her, not really listening to her, instead only accusing her of things that she hadn’t done at all. She listened to me, and let me say the things I needed to say. I saw she was still wearing the ring I had given her. I was so happy that she did. I tried to see if it made her glad as well and only then I saw something was wrong with her. She seemed to be in pain, and held her arms around her belly, hugging herself. It was clear that this wasn’t something to discuss there and then, so we walked to the courthouse, where we found a quiet place to talk. Even that short walk she could not manage without me carrying her.

Thaïs told me that she knew something had happened to her, but she had no recollection of what it had been exactly. I suspect it had somehow to do with her other self. I explained her that I had met her darker side, and told her how I now thought of her affliction. She seemed shocked, and didn’t seem to grasp it fully, instead clinging to the thought that she is possessed. Whether she is right or I, it doesn’t really matter. What matters is that Thaïs needs healing and protection, and I renewed my promise to her to protect her from harm. That seemed to make her happy. She even kissed me. And though that did make me happy, I couldn’t return the kiss with the passion I felt. Looking at her, as she looked at me, made me realize I did love her, love her more than anything. But I cannot give in to that. We must take it slowly, and most of all keep our focus on finding a cure. I should think with my head, not with my heart now. Loosing myself in my feelings for her will cause me to drop my guard, and will bring certain failure. And I should not fail her, cannot fail her.

We went to the temple to find a cure for the wounds she had suffered the day before. The priestess that answered Thaïs’ call, Vivian, walked with us to the Inn, where she took Thaïs in for an examination. Vivian seemed to be dedicated to find out what is ailing Thaïs, and I found myself trusting her. But before Vivian could do the examination properly, she needed to be somewhere else. We agreed upon a time we would meet her again at the Inn. Thaïs and I would in the mean time try to avoid the common room of the inn. Instead we went back to the courthouse, which we again found to be empty. We spent some time together, talking, holding hands. It felt good to be there with her.

Then it was time again to go back to the inn. I helped Thaïs walk back to the inn. Unfortunately, we did not only meet Vivian but also Sy’Ravenne in front of the inn. That wench immediately started to force herself on Thaïs, and tried to lure her away from me and Vivian. She even kissed Thaïs before I could pull her away. I asked Vivian to take Thaïs inside while I had a talk with Sy. This confused Thaïs, and it even seemed to hurt her. It was however not a good place and time to confront my love with Sy. When they had gone in, I tried to explain the situation to Sy, but she showed no interest, and instead went inside after Thaïs and Vivian. I followed her quickly. Inside, Vivian explained to Sy that she had to talk with Thaïs. It became clear that these two women knew each other. Sy seemed to trust Vivian and agreed to wait. I went in with Thaïs and Vivian. Thaïs seemed very upset with the confrontation with Sy. I hadn’t made it easier for her by keeping Sy away, and arguing with her all the way. Then Thaïs let out a sigh and fainted. When Vivian examined Thaïs, she saw marks on her body that seemed to indicate that Thaïs had been raped, but there were no marks on other parts of her body, as if there hadn’t been a struggle. I was utterly shocked. It fed my feeling that Thaïs’ mind needs to be healed fast, before both her body and minds are destroyed. Vivian examined Thaïs some more, when Thaïs seemed to come by again. The look in her eyes, the first words she mumbled… I feared it would not be the same Thaïs. When she stood up, it was clear that the dark Thaïs had joined us. Vivian seemed to be aware of this, and asked me to leave her. I went out, and found Sy sitting right in front of the door.

I needed to try to explain the condition of Thaïs to Sy. I hoped she would understand and maybe even help me find healing for my love. I was even ready to accept Sy’s love for the other Thaïs. Moreover, I would accept any outcome of the healing of Thaïs, even if that meant that I would lose her to Sy, if the darker side of Thaïs prevailed. But still Sy showed no interest in it. She convinced me that she is not truly interested in Thaïs’ wellbeing. The only thing she wants is having her pleasures with Thaïs. I failed to make her see that that is hurting Thaïs.

When a rational explanation could not convince her, I warned Sy that I had sworn to protect Thaïs, and I would do so if she continued to act in ways that are harming Thaïs. She did not seem impressed by my resolve. Instead, she acted like she had acted before, and boasted that she would take me out any time she would try. Well, I have heard of her battle prowess, and it is very likely that she will be able to beat me in a fight, but that will not keep me from doing my duty.

Vivian came out and asked the both of us to join her inside. She wanted to hear what had happened to the three of us. Thaïs used the opportunity to leave the room. I thought I would risk her fleeing. Sy was doing her utter best to seduce Thaïs to stay. I hoped she didn’t run, but sitting with Vivian and Sy was more important now. I may not get the opportunity again to do so.

I started by telling how I had met Thaïs and how we started liking each other. Sy tried really hard to make us show she didn’t care about that. I then told Vivian about the night Thaïs had the nightmare. I also told her about the demon Thaïs had summoned back when she was a temple maiden, and that that demon had visited her in her nightmare. I told Vivian how that night had changed things between us, and that Thaïs had loved me more intensely after that night. Until Sy came into our lives…

Vivian asked Sy to continue from there. She told her how they had met in the Krandor crypts and had shared a room that night. After a long night and day of making love, Thaïs told Sy her story, and told her of me. Sy had suggested to Thaïs that she needed to talk to me about her. Well, she did, and that got her to the point of where the three of us were in the room in the Inn, and Thaïs told me that she loved Sy as well as me. Sy distorted the happenings of that day in her tale to Vivian. Things got a bit more chaotic then, and at some point, Sy’Ravenne got up and left the room. Vivian and I ran after her. Outside, my fears had become true; Thaïs was nowhere to be seen. Quickly, Vivian and I tried to stop Sy, to convince her to finish her story, but we both failed. We ran after her, but lost her quickly.

Back at the temple in Hlint, Vivian said she would not run after Thaïs or Sy. That is was my part to bring the both of them back to her, to let her continue her work. I was disappointed that she didn’t see that Sy was only destroying Thaïs. I told her I would try to bring them back.

Knowing that I would have little chance of finding them both now, and feeling completely broken by all the discussions I had had, I went back to the Inn, and got a room.

I think I cannot convince Sy to help me find healing for Thaïs. She’s made it clear to me she only wants to have her pleasures. But I know these pleasures are only making things worse for Thaïs, and they have to be stopped. And to stop these, Sy has to be stopped. Of that, I am now convinced.

Tomorrow, I will start looking for Thaïs, the Thaïs I love. When I have found her, I will talk to her and together we will decide what to do next.

[Melgrin]

I still cannot believe it, but the worst must be over now for Thais. I think my love has been healed.

I woke up with an ominous feeling. I had to find Thais, I sensed I should be with her, that she needed me. I searched everywhere, but I found no sign of her. I went from Hlint to Leilon, to Haven, and Krandor. I did not see her in any of these places. Then, when I was about to decide whether I should end this quest, I saw Vivian west from Hlint. I asked her if she had seen Thais, but no, she had not. She was going south to Fort Hope to aid a friend of hers. She said it was also the place where she had last seen Thais, not more than a few days ago. While Vivian continued her journey, I took out the map I had made of my travels with Thais. Looking for Fort Hope on it, my eye fell on Port Hampshire, the place where Thais had had her terrible nightmare. Was Thais whispering to me that this was the place to look? I went there at once.

At the outskirts of Port Hampshire, I saw Thais sitting on a hill, but she wasn’t alone. Vivian, Sy’Ravenne and another woman I didn’t recognize were with her. I went to them, and asked Thais if she was allright. She looked confused, as if she had to search the depths of her memories, but then seemed to remember me. From what she said, and what Vivian told me, this was neither the Thais I had been around lately, nor the Thais that was in love with Sy. It appeared that this was the Thais that I had met at first, all this time ago, and that had hidden in her mind since the nightmare. Vivian did a marvelous effort to talk to Thais, to calm her down, make her see what had happened to her. The other woman, Cray, a friend of Vivian, left us.

Vivian then took my hand and Sy’s hand, and we took Thais’ hands. I tried very hard not to disturb Thais in any way, not to rush her, or to frighten her. Sy on the other hand was her obnoxious self, constantly teasing her, seducing her. I have never in my life shown as much constraint as that night. I wanted to punch her out, make her behave as she should, while Vivian did her job, but I didn’t. I knew that if I had done that, Thais would have been lost to me. The whole exercise was clearly very hard on Thais, but Vivian could calm her down. Vivian helped Thais to remember things about me and Sy, and asked her who she loved. My heart missed a few beats waiting for the answer. Thais said she loved both of us, and that I had made her choose between the two of us. I remember that night clearly. The shock of Thais’ love for Sy had been so fresh, I couldn’t have done it any other way. But I now understand that this had damaged Thais in no small way. She could not choose, but I had made her. So she chose both of us, thereby messing up her mind even further.

Vivian wanted to know if Sy could share Thais, and she said she could, that she always had said so. But she could not give true love, for she had promised that to Annun. I had been dreading the question, but of course it came. Vivian asked me if I could share Thais. I could not declare right out that I couldn’t, that would mean I’d lose Thais. So, although I still could not imagine Thais loving another while she also loved me, I did see that it was the only way Thais would love me -- for now.

Vivian tried to convince me that it was very possible for Thais to love both me and Sy with her whole heart. She compared it to me fighting a battle with whole my being, and then the next day fighting another battle, and giving all of me again. But that didn’t sound right to me. If you want to compare love to a battle, you should compare it to a war, fighting many battles, but the war will have a single enemy. But still Vivian persisted. Love is endless, she said, so Thais can give her love to me, totally, while doing the same with Sy. I don’t know, I’m still not fully convinced, but what I do see is that I cannot ask of Thais that she be true to me only. It is not my choice to make, it is hers. That I have learned from this. I am not sure if I can keep on loving Thais if she doesn’t give up Sy, but I will try. I will try hard, and at the same time love her such that she will forget about Sy and her pleasures.

That was it. I saw that Thais was exhausted, but she looked much better, more whole. There was a familiar sparkle in her eye. Vivian let Thais keep the holy symbol of Ilsare that she had given her. It might offer her comfort. Vivian gave all three of us her blessing and took her leave. The rest was up to us now. Surprisingly, Sy said Thais should go with me. Obviously, I didn’t object, and let her say goodbye to Thais. Although that goodbye did seem to last an hour or so.

Thais and I went into town, to the same inn as we had been when Thais had the nightmare. I rented us a room and got a few bottles of beer. I guess Thais hadn’t seen that I also took the bottles, because when she joined me in the room she surprised me with a couple of bottles as well. Needless to say we had quite some fun. It took a few minutes for the ice to break for me, but Thais did a marvelous job raising the heat. Well, her affair with Sy hasn’t affected her passion for me, that is one thing I’m sure of.

After we made love, we laid there in each others arms. I had time enough to let my mind wander on the difficult choices that lie on our path. One thing has become clear to me, above all other things. I have been far too self-centered in my dealings with others, especially with Thais. Even when it became clear to me that she was suffering from some illness, I thought first about what that meant to me. I will need to change that, try more to become a person that people will respect or, in the case of Thais, love. And if I do that right, she will love me and will have no need for another lover.

[Melgrin]

Thaïs and I decided to find some adventure. Near Fort Llast we met Angela, Abi and Silool, and they wanted to join us. We thought it a good idea to get some more people in our little group before we went out, so we traveled to Hlint to find some. We did find more people, but unfortunately not all of them were ready to go to the Haven mines, where we had planned to go. Ireth was standing near the benches, and had decided it was a good time to spill her guts. Apparently, she had had some trouble with a paladin who had seduced her, or whom she had seduced. Thaïs seemed to know her, and tried to help her, but I’m not sure she really wanted help. But it did make my Thaïs very sad. When I took her apart and asked what was wrong, she refused to tell me more than that Ireths story had made her sad. She even walked out on me, only to return to Ireth and her story.

I had a short talk to Abi about Thais and me. I thanked her again for her help, without people like her, Thais would not have been healed. But Abi appeared not to be so sure about things. Unfortunately, there were too many people around, and I didn’t want to leave Thais alone, so I could not find out what it was that was bothering Abi. I must try to find her soon, so I can hear her out on her doubts.

At some point Angela and Abi took over the talk with Ireth, which freed up Thaïs. We managed to find some other people to come along with us. Even Sy had come, and wanted to join. At first, I didn’t feel like going with her and Thaïs at the same time, but it worked out well in the end. She fought like a tiger in the caves, and saved most of our lives once or twice. We killed a lot of ogres, and found some gold as well. I even managed to mine some iron ore. Outside the mines, everybody left, until only Sy, Thaïs and I were left. It took Thaïs quite some time to say her farewells to Sy. I surprised myself by not minding that too much. I felt that Thaïs would come with me despite Sy, and that she would forget about Sy when we were alone.

Thaïs did forget about Sy, especially when we took a room in the Wild Surge Inn. We didn’t lose much time getting all over each other. It was as if we had had to miss each other for too long. After the love making, Thaïs fell asleep in my arms. I could not find sleep, as my mind could not get away from the changes in our lives during these last few weeks. I left Thaïs asleep in our room, and went outside to get some fresh air.

It was not the air I caught,  but Sy’Ravenne. We had a long talk about our relationships with Thaïs. She appears to have changed quite a bit, she says its Annuns influence. Whatever the reason, she seems more pleasant this way. She gave me a suit of armor, so I was better protected when I needed to protect Thaïs. What struck me on this was that her gift showed that she really did care about Thaïs, and was even willing to help me so I could better protect Thaïs. She also asked me to give Thaïs an oak bow that she had promised her.

Sy is going to move to dregar with Annun, so she will be less around. I guess that is good for me, I only hope it’s good for Thaïs as well. At least Sy told me she avoids being around Thaïs when I am with her. I told her I would do the same, there’s no need to get in each other’s hairs. We all know where we stand. Sy explained what her plans are with Annun, and with Thaïs. She realizes that she only loves Annun fully, and that she wants to end her relation with Thaïs. She had though about whether she should end it quick or slowly. I told her that it’s probably better for Thaïs not to rush it but prepare her bit by bit. Sy had already decided that she would do that. I hope it works out as well as it sounded. Then she left, she was meeting with Annun. I thanked her for this talk, it had been a good talk. The path I’m on with Thaïs got a bit clearer again today.

[Melgrin]

When Thaïs woke up, I gave her the bow Sy had given me. She wanted to try it out, so we cleaned out the Hlint crypts from the rats that live there. Thaïs was doing very well with the bow, and she seemed to enjoy it immensely. She hit almost everything she aimed at. When we were all done, we looked at each others eyes, and found eagerness there. We went back to the room in the Inn, and made long and good love.

[Melgrin]

I was on my way to the crafting hall when I saw Sy. Actually, it was her who saw me, and she indicated she needed to talk to me. We sat on the bench across from the smith.

Sy had some really bad news, news that will devastate my love Thaïs. Sy has met yet another time with the soul mother, who let her know that the next time she will claim Sy’s soul for good. She told me her time here is almost over, and the time that remains she will spend with Annun and Annun alone. Contrary to what she told me before, she will end her relation with Thaïs as soon as possible.

Sy’s news made me very sad. Not just for Thaïs, who will have another bad time when she will be told, but I also felt sad for Sy herself. These past few weeks I have grown to like her, despite all her shortcomings, and I realized that I will miss her immensely. I asked her, almost begged her to change her ways and become more careful while fighting, but she said she could not, it is not who she is. I guess she is right there, and it will have to be this way, but it made me angry.

I asked her if she could help me with my trainings, accompanying me to some place like Haven mines. I could use the training, and figured she would go anyway, and this way I could at least watch over her a bit. I guess if she heard me saying that, she would laugh at me, but it is how I felt. I bought a big load of healing potions just for this purpose.

Just when we were about ready, I saw Abi in the Wild Surge Inn. I arranged with Sy to meet near Haven mines and sat down with Abi at a table in private. I wanted to know what she had meant when she said she did not want me to thank her and Angela for helping out Thaïs. She explained that their part of curing Thaïs had been too small for that. She also thought Thaïs might not be cured, since she apparently still loves both Sy and me. I tried to reason with her that that has nothing to do with Thaïs being cured or not, but she would not listen to me. She then managed to shock me beyond reason by telling me that she as well had slept with Thaïs, before she had offered to help us with Angela. At first I was speechless, but then I asked her if she really thought that she shouldn’t have told me before. It wasn’t relevant, she said. Not relevant! How could she think this!? Trying to calm me down, she said she hadn’t loved Thaïs, merely made love to her. Well, that didn’t calm me down, but I let it pass. There was nothing to be gained by quarreling with this woman. I told her I intended to make Thaïs forget about loving others, including Sy. Abi said she didn’t like Sy, and before long I found myself defending her. A month ago I would have laughed if I had been told I would be doing this, but here I was. Life’s paths can have strange turns sometimes. When we said our farewells, Abi said she would keep an eye on things, and I thanked her for that. What else could I say?

I walked to Haven, and found Sy waiting in front of the mines entrance. We went in and fought our way through a lot of ogres. They all went down before us. Sy managed to stay alive, and I gave her a potion when the wounds were too many on her. We acted well as a team. Strange turns indeed. When we had had enough, we walked back to Hlint. I bought her a few beers, after which she was on her way again. On leaving, I hugged her, and said I hoped she stayed well. She smiled, and left.

[Melgrin]

I spent the day crafting. I had brought some iron from the Haven mines, and tried to smelt that, without any luck. Then I worked some on my clothes and armor, trying to improve them. Somehow, the day passed. I hadn’t seen or spoken to Thaïs all day. When I finally went to the Wild Surge, I did find her, lying on the floor, passed out. I tried to get her up, and finally succeeded. The smell of alcohol was strong on her. Then I remembered. She must have found Sy and haven spoken to her. That would mean she had been given the bad news. No wonder she had drunk as much. I lifted her up and carried her to a room. There was no need for all to see this in the common room.

When she came to, Thaïs told me she had indeed talked to Sy. She was shattered when she heard Sy would break up with her. Thaïs cried in my arms. I tried to comfort her somewhat, but what can you say? After some time, Thaïs managed to get a grip on herself again. We both agreed that hunting would take our minds off of things, so we went to the Sielwood cave. We bashed everything that came on our path, but it was too easy, there was no satisfaction in it. Thaïs led the way out of the caves, and deeper into the woods. We ran into some bigger ogres that were a challenge to us. So much so, that we had to go back to the campfire in Rangers Vale to rest.

At the campfire, our weariness became apparent in its full form. We decided not to return to the woods. Instead we made love. Well, Thaïs made love to me, and I tried to keep up with her. There was so much anger in her, it had to find a way out. Afterwards, we talked about our feelings. Thaïs said she felt as if everything is crumbling into ashes around her, that she still is ill. I said I would help her find her cure, if she is not yet cured, but she doubts if she even wants that. If she’s not well yet, the change that will be the result of the cure may not be something she wants. She also fears that her resolve to once again become an acolyte of Rofirein might become a conflict with her love for me. She also said she was afraid of taking off the holy symbol of Ilsare that Vivian had given her, fearing that removing it might also remove her minds sanity. But that that also would become a problem, as there was no understanding between Rofirein and Ilsare. Why, Thaïs could not tell me. I reasoned that where Ilsare puts love before all else, Rofirein puts justice and the law before all, including love. I told Thaïs that she should really look into her heart where her standpoint on this was. Maybe, I told her, maybe she had changed, like I had. I explained her how I had changed. How this whole thing had changed my view on the world. How I now saw how wrong I had been in my relationship with her when we had first met, how I had only thought of me and how I was affected by everything. I told her that I was not like that anymore, that I now loved her for her sake as well, not just for mine. That I respected her choice, even if it was a choice that I could not make, or that would hurt me.

Thaïs said she was not like that, she loved both Sy and me, but she could not see how that could work, how she could love both of us equally. But it was not something I could help her with, I was only beginning to understand what I was thinking of that myself. She said she still planned to find out the truth about what had happened with her in the temple, and that she would make the priests pay if they were responsible. Thaïs even swore to pursue this with Rofirein as her witness. She is right in thinking that is the core of her troubles. It is therefore necessary to solve that issue, to get to the bottom of it. Only then can her cure be complete. We agreed that we both needed some time alone. We will meet again at the campfire.

I left Thaïs there, knowing she would be safe. I went back to Hlint, and found Sy there again. She was off to Haven mines to get some platinum ore. Thinking the same as before, I said I wanted to join her. While I bought some more healing potions, just to be on the safe side, Sy looked for more people to join us, as she intended to descent to the lowest levels of the mines. She found a handful of men, Sylok, Shrubbery, Rothnor, Endular and a rogue named Nimo. We all went to Haven mines, after bashing some monsters near Haven. In the mines, Nimo trailed behind, and took care of the looting. Unfortunately, not all were ready to listen to Sy when she told us to stay back while she lured the ogres one by one, as she had done when the two of us were down there. Several times things became hairy, but we were with enough to overcome these problems. Still, I liked it better with her and me alone there, there was too many male egos down there. In the end, we even managed to find and kill the ogre chieftain. When we came back into the sunlight, some of the guys went to turn in the head of the chieftain. At first, I wanted to join them, but I remembered that Sy had promised me to show me some nice quiet places, where I might take Thaïs. Sy took me to the pond near Haven castle. It took us a short, steep climb up, but it was worth the effort. That place is indeed one of the most beautiful places I know. I will take Thaïs there sometime, but not just now. Sy told me she had been there with Thaïs as well, so there will be memories for my love there, that should stay hidden. When enough time has passed, it will be alright to go there.

When we came through Hlint, there were some people asking for help. Sy immediately agreed to help them out. I told her it was fine, I was dead tired anyway. I made her promise she would stay well so she could show me the other place she mentioned.

I went into the Inn to get a beer and a room. At a table, Silool was sitting, accompanied by some guy named Lan and another called Justain. I agreed to join them for a beer or two. While I tried to make sense of what they were talking about – women problems, having children, having cows and dogs – we were joined by an elfish woman with an impossible name. I could not even manage to remember her nickname. They all started talking in elfish, which complicated things even more. When I noticed I had missed at least some minutes of the conversations, I stood up and said farewell. I was so tired, I could not think or talk straight anymore. I got myself a key to a room, and somehow managed to reach the room before I collapsed to a dreamless sleep.

[Melgrin]

I have seen the soulmother again and for the second time she took a piece of my soul. Maybe I attracted her and maybe I distracted her from chasing others. I don’t know what to make of it.

When I woke up in the Wild Surge, I went back to the Rangers Vale to look for Thaïs. She was still there, and was engaged in what seemed to me a very deep discussion with some bird man. He left soon after I arrived, flying off into the sky. It was a most peculiar creature. Thaïs and I talked some more and then decided to go on a hunt in the Sielwood forest. First we killed some nasty chickens and ogres. Encouraged by our success we went deeper and deeper into the woods until we found some ruins. There were more ogres there, and more powerful ones at that. One of their mages nearly had me with his spells. Seeing that we had ventured too far, we decided to head back to Hlint. We must have taken a wrong turn because we found ourselves suddenly among a large group of spiders that managed to kill both Thaïs and me in a matter of minutes. That was when the soulmother payed me a special visit. How hard must it be for people like Sy that have met her so many times more than I.

We came to in Hlint. Walking to the direction of the Inn, we saw Abi and Angela. Somehow Thaïs got engaged in a discussion with Abi that went in a direction I didn’t like. I tried to direct the line of talking into some other direction, but I think I only succeeded in annoying Abi. Thaïs started saying things I hope I misunderstood, things like her wanting to loose all bonds, wanting to be free. I don’t dare to think what the implication of such a thing would be, on her, us, her relation to Rofirein. But then again my mind kept going back to that horrid place with the spiders, so I can’t say it was very clear. I also took great care not to push Thaïs into doing or not doing anything. This is her path, I will try to guide her as well as I am capable of, but I will not block her, not anymore. If she wants me out of her life, then so be it. I’ll go through hell if that should happen, but… No but. I pray that I misunderstood.

Abi also told her she thinks Thaïs has not lost her mind, but that she never found it back. That Thaïs is not cured at all. She might have a point there, I can see that. But even if it were so, saying it out loud like that to Thaïs will not improve her mental health. It may even be the final push over the edge. That is why I wanted Thaïs away from Abi.

Finally, after some long hours, they had said all there was to it, and Thaïs took me back to the Wild Surge. She toned down some of the things she had said, saying she had said those things in the interest of the discussion, that she needs to talk to people like to Abi and that bird man to start understanding. I really cannot tell anymore what she is thinking, how well she is. We laid down and cuddled some, before going to sleep. At least her actions give me no reason to believe she is trying to leave me. If only I could grasp the true meaning of her words.

[Melgrin]

I have spent these past months surviving, trying to protect Thaïs, trying to figure her out. It feels like she has gained more strength, that she has become more stable. On the other hand I doubt that her problems are all over. But at least she has not left me, or worse, tried to end her life.

We have adventured out of Hlint several times together. Most times these travels have not been terribly successful, and several times I fell. But I am learning to be honorable and stay at Thaïs’ side while fighting, not leaving a battle after entering it. Somehow I had forgotten these codes of conduct that every true warrior should follow. I think the times I have fought at Sy’Ravenne’s side have made me remember them.

On one of our adventures, Thaïs and I have made a rather disastrous trip to the Dragon Isles with Abi, Angela, Ireth, Elladan and Barion. Not long after landing on these strange islands, we were ambushed by a group of walking fungi. These weird creatures released clouds of their spores on us, disabling some of us. I stood there for some time, confused, unable to focus on the fight. At almost the same time, Ireth and Thaïs were also taken by this, although I did not notice it directly. Only after the fight, when these creatures were all slain, we saw that Thaïs was slain, and that Ireth was standing at the place she fell. She looked confused, and said she had aimed at the mushroom, not at Thaïs. Slowly it dawned on me and the others, that Ireth had slain my Thaïs. Anger rose in me, and I nearly attacked Ireth for this. Barion intervened and told me to lay off. I stepped back and tried to find out from Ireth what had happened. She argued that she had been under the influence of some spell or poison from the mushrooms creatures. While I found this hard to believe at first, I knew that I myself had also been under the influence of that, and decided to accept her explanation. While I wanted to return to Hlint immediately to search for Thaïs, the others went on. Since I knew I had no chance by myself on these isles, I stayed with them. I would not be able to help Thaïs when I was dead as well. Fortunately for me, Ireth decided soon after that she wanted to return, because, as she put it, because she had had a bad day. Killing Thaïs had left a mark on her, and she was unable to stay there. Ireth left with Barion, and I returned a bit later. We should probably not return too soon to those horrible isles.

We also joined on a quest to transport a shipment of war axes of master Ronus from a dwarven tradepost on Dregar to the castle at Blackford. It was a rather difficult journey. We were shipwrecked after our captain had been washed overboard in a snowstorm. We then had to evade a lot of monsters on our way to the Rocksmashers place. After some difficulty making ourselves understood by these dwarves, we got our axes, and took some short route back to Hlint. Due to our great numbers, only one of us fell on this trip, Aralin. He was taken to Illsares temple in Hlint, where the priest raised him. I guess master Ronus was quite happy with these axes being brought to the castle.