Treana Min E'Zoenna - Heart of True Peace

[Nehetsrev]

Entry 21 - Tunar, Novlar 17, 1399

I came to a realization, and made a choice yesterday.  I know now that I do indeed love Talen Sgath, and while our love is new and yet fragile, I believe with time it can grow stronger than the love I have for Erathim.  I will never stop loving Erathim and my memory of him, and I would not choose to do so.  That doesn't mean I cannot have room for this new love I build now with Talen, and my love for Erathim shouldn't have gotten in the way as much as it had.

I do not know what I will do with Erathim's blade.  I had thought to part with it at one point, when I thought I needed to forget Erathim in order to move on, but now I see no need to do so.  The Blade, however, is worn with use and the sword given me by Addison is better for fighting with.  Perhaps, there may be some way I can have Erathim's Blade re-forged to be stronger, so that I have reason beyond sentiment to keep it with me.  Erathim's Blade reamins dear to me, and if there be a way possible to restore it to greater effectiveness so that it be my primary blade, then I will find it.

Speaking of the blade given me by Addison, I have been delaying far too long to have it enchanted by Master Jin Lun Lee.  This is probably because I've been investing most of my funds into learning various crafts.  I shall have to save up for an enchantment or maybe several, as I think my shield and armor could use enhancement as well.

Speaking of crafting, it seems almost a pointless effort at times.  I've made many beautiful rings from copper and various gems, the most of which have been greenstone, but I cannot find buyers for the jewelry I've made.  It's frustrating to put so much time, effort and money into something and not even be able to recoup more than a single gold piece for each finished product.  I haven't had any buyers for the clothing I make recently either.  But I suppose I do the crafting more for my own benefit anyway.  I'm working on putting together a really nice outfit made of silks, but my first attempt failed and the materials were ruined. So, I'm having to re-gather more silk to try again.  Despite the pain of losing my ox Oscar, I think I will have to break down and buy another ox to help carry around all the things I need to continue my crafting efforts.

Once again, Talen had to leave during our time together, called away by a message delivered via falcon.  I he still says he cannot tell me all the details of what he is up to when he is called away so.  Though he did warn me to stay away from Krandor, explaining that it may not be safe for me to go there.  I only wish I could go with him to be sure of his safety...I don't want to lose him now that I'm so sure I love him.  Even as a friend, I wouldn't want to lose him.

Ireth is to marry Geldar, and it seems Mr. Mith and Anna have already wed in their own way and were keeping it somewhat secret.  It seems almost as imminent that Rhynn & Freldo will wed.  My mind seems to be wandering in this writing.

Let it wander, I suppose.  I dream fondly of seeing Talen again soon and don't seem to be able to focus on much else for long.  Such is new love, I know, for I have been through it before with Erathim.  In time, and with greater familiarity my mind will gain a fimer grip on the reigns, but hopefully passion for each other will not cool.  Yet true love persists through times when passion dims, and works to stir those flames into a steady blaze, not a sudden explosion that fades and dies quickly.  Yay, let the embers of our hearts never grow cold and dark for each other...

[Nehetsrev]

Entry 22 - Wedlar, Decilar 4, 1399

Days pass and here I am still alone.  I received a letter from Talen while traveling in the desert near Spellguard with Addison, Ketil, and a few others.  The letter stated he was on his return from wherever he'd gone and would be back soon.  While I continued onward with my friends we eventually wound up in Dregar, I think.  In another desert there, I was slain by giants under cover of invisibility in a surpise attack.  They had flanked us while our group fought others of their ilk, and I got caught in the attack and could not run quickly enough to escape the blows that killed me.  None in our group could use magic to ressurect my body there, so instead my soul was drawnback ot the bindingstone in Point Harbor.  From there I set sail to Port Hampshire, and then to the Lelion docks, on my return journey to Hlint.

Not far from Castle Blackford I came upon Mr. Mith and Miss AnnaLee and we talked for a time.  Mr. Mith even cast spells upon me to lend me strength and speed my journey.  He talked of visiting the Soul Mother as if she were a good friend, and this seemed to upset Anna some.  Perhaps Anna thought it would be upsetting to me to hear such talk.  Perhaps it would be if I had yet to meet the Soul Mother, from what reactions I've seen in those who have.

Taking my leave of them graciously, I continued onward to Hlint where I found Kyle and a friend outside the Wild Surge.  We also talked for a short time and after Kyle left I got to know his friend Sa'kura better myself.  She has been through tragedies equal to, and most likely surpassing my own.  Not only was her mother slain by Orcs, but her village was soon after raided by slavers and I dare not think of what horrors she must have endured in their hands.  Thankfully she kept the will to escape and soon after doing so found herself summoned to Hlint.  Together she and I went out north of Hlint to slay a few Orcs, and afterward we both retired for the evening.  Vengeance upon the Orcs still holds a mite of sweetness for both of us.

I should write also about earlier happenings, before my fateful trip to Dregar with the others.  I finally managed to put together a garment made of fine silks.  It is a pleasure to wear, and slides smoothly across the skin like the gentle caress of a thousand fingers dancing like swans gliding across the surface of a glass-smooth lake.  I also replaced the ragged purple and fuchsia cloth of my chain shirt outfit with new fabric dyed in blues instead.  I think I'm beginning to like blue more than before, as all my outfits are blue now.  I think Talen will be surprised when he she's me again.

Rhynn is going through trials that I dare not write too much about here, lest those that trouble her use magic to divine what I have written and take action against me.  She seems to have become more distant and dark in recent days, and admits to seeking power in order to cause fear in those around her.  I fear for her soul and pray that it not be destined for the very evil that she says she wishes to fight against.  She is stubborn as an ox, or more so, and would not listen to my adivce with earnest ears.  I fear I may have to distance myself from her if her darkness grows further, though in my heart she will still remain a friend, I cannot stomach nor support that kind of living.  Perhaps after she obtains vengeance upon Saebhel she will abandon such lust for power and instilling fear in others.

I will need to find some employment soon, or find buyers for the fine garments and jewelry I've made, for I am nearly broke now.  I had to withdraw the last of my funds from the bank to return from Point Harbor, and now I cary the last couple hundred gold that I possess upon my person.  Perhaps gaining more bounty through the slaying of Orcs and Goblins will again fatten my purse.

I wish Talen were here, just to hold me close in his arms...

[Nehetsrev]

Entry 23 - Decilar 10, 1399

I showed Talen my silk outfit that I made for him.  It seemed to please him to see me wear it, though our time was oft interupted by his constant disappearing as he does sometimes.  I didn't yet get the chance to explain to him the traditions of the Old Culture from which I was raised, so I am not sure if I should hold him to them just yet.  I will have to explain to him the next I see him, but perhaps it might be better to let the traditions die and try to live as most of the world do in this area.  I suppose I must solve my own internal conflict before I decide whether to explain the traditions to Talen.  Still, he did kiss me before he left the last time...  But without full knowledge of my traditions how could he have known all that it meant for me?  Perhaps I should pack away my courting garb and wait to start the traditions until after he knows their full context.  I do not think I will lose him in the mean time, he loves me and I know it well.  Once again I've managed to confuse myself and act rashly.  At least this time it is with a more positive nature.

Rhynn and Freldo accosted me with more topaz than I could safely carry when I arrived in the crafting house earlier today.  They asked if I'd grind it for them so Rhynn would have more to use for her scribing and other magical practices.  I did the best I could, given my limited work with topaz, and they seemed pleased with the result, even though I knew that were I more masterful I could have harvested much more dust for them.  In thanks they allowed me to keep some of the mineral for myself, but my efforts to cut it were fruitless and in the end I gave them the dust from that as well.

Right afterwards Addison showed up to gift me with more copper than I could carry alone, so I went to the place outside the Wild Surge where I had left Olaf tied and loaded it onto him.  Anna met me and decided to come with me to get clay.  We went to the lake and started digging together.  The first couple spots we dug didn't yield much, but the third seemed nearly endless in it's fruitful bounty.  We strained under the weight of our loads back to the crafting house and there I made many molds for rings.  Anna watched and we chatted a bit as I began melting down the copper ingots Addison gave me and pouring them into the molds.  After which I worked to set each new ring with a gem and produced some nice ones, including one copper and greenstone ring of exceptional quality.  I sold one ring I'd made to Anna that should help ward against death magics, she asked me to re-size it for a small friend she intends to give it to.

Rhynn has me so confused now.  I wish to continue to call her a true sister of the heart, but she seems to wander so far from me in her spirit at times, and at others she is close as we were in the beginning of things.  I hope she resolves her inner turmoil soon, but I have determined that I cannot continue with chasing her down each time her heart seems to stray to darkness any longer.  It is too taxing on me to try and offer my words of help only to have them fall on deaf ears that refuse to listen.  At least she seems to be listening some to Anna.

On top of it all, I continue to question my own devotion to Toran, or lack there of.  I have not seen Maev again for some time, so I haven't had the chance to try to make things right between us.  I shall continue to watch for her though, as I would also like to ask her questions about the roots of our mutual faith so I may decide once and for all if I should continue to follow Toran.  At least I know for myself I owe Toran, and the kind paladin he sent my way almost a year ago, my gratitude for beginning to pull me from the lifeless wandering I had been partaking of since Erathim's death.

The annual date of my birth approaches soon.  It is a scant few days until the 5th of Janra, and I will be reaching my 20th year.

[Nehetsrev]

Entry 24 - 28 Decilar, 1399

Joy of Joys!  My heart leaps like a gazelle over the planes of deepest feelings I have for Talen.  I saw him again these past couple days, and this time I was able to explain to him the traditions I follow.  What my courtship garb means as well as what his kiss signifies.  I explained to him many of the details of the courting period, how neither of us may accept courtings in any form from another of the opposite gender as ourselves.  How I must continue to wear the courting garb, except when hard at work.  And after all my explaining, after facing his reservations together, he kissed me again knowing the full meaning.  He accepted my proposal and one year from this date we are to wed in manner of the traditions of my people!

He was worried at first that a year would not be long enough, as we do not often get the time together that he feels we should, but I asked him if his feelings for me would change in any length of time and he realized as he replied that they would only become stronger.  I told him my feelings for him were the same, they would not lessen but grow ever more.  He also seemed in doubt of my love for him in regards to my love for Erathim.  I explained that I will always love Erathim, but not more than I love him.  In truth I love them both, and Erathim's memory will always stay with me.  Now I have also the chance for making memories just as beautiful with Talen.  Memories just as lasting and sweet.

When he kissed me...I cannot describe it with words but I will give an image with them that is but a pale, shallow reflection of the bright, colorful, vast depths of my feelings at that moment.  It was as if the winds stopped blowing, as if the world faded away and my heart was lifted to the heavens above within his embrace.  And while I do not follow Ilsare, it seemed almost as if I could feel her blassings wrapped about us carrying us together into an eternity of warm shelter beyond the feeling this mortal shell of a body is capable of.  When at last he released my lips to smile upon me so tenderly my lungs filled with the winds of passion drawn from the corners of the world, and I ached for more with every ounce of my soul.  My desire for him to accept me as a gift prepared and freely given him, without doubt or reservation, realized in that one fleeting moment.  I cannot begin to fathom how sweet our embrace will be one year from now after we are wed, but I tingle throughout in anticipation of that moment oh so holy as it will be!

...And now I must make decisions for the wedding.  Tradition calls for a priest of the Old Culture to preside, yet I know that not a possibility, I being now the sole practitioner.  In the absence of a priest Talen and I must chose and agree upon a close friend to fulfill that role.  As well, we must each sellect one who is among the closest of our friends and of our same gender to bear witness and participate.  All others are forbidden from the ceremony.  Who among my friends might I chose?  I care for them all so deeply, yet they cannot all participate.  My first thoughts of who to ask to preside in the role of priest would be either Miss AnnaLee, or Kyle.  When I next see Talen I will ask his thoughts of the two and we will decide together and then ask whom we choose if they will accept the role.  And who among my friends might I ask to be witness?  I am torn...  A few weeks ago I would not have hesitated to ask Rhynn, but now she has grown distant and dark.  Addison is also very dear to me, and though we do not spend much time together I can feel her friendship and respect for me.  Even Ireth has shown herself a friend, though of the three I do not feel as close to her as I do Addison and Rhynn.  There is still time to decide, so I'll wait to chose for now.

In other happenings of the day, I spoke for a time with Ozymandius at the Wild Surge.  The traditions made our meeting a little awkward at first as I thought with the way he approached me he was going to try licking me again.  I had to challenge him as tradition required and found he had no such intent, thankfully.  I apologized for leaving from his speaking previously when he had called me 'Tre' or 'tree' as the shortening of my name sounds.  I explained I've been on edge lately with everything happening between myself and Talen and that it has always bothered me some to not be called by my full name of Treana.  He was understanding as he usually seems to be, though very curious of my traditions regarding the courting between myself and Talen.

I fear this courting period will be rough for me in some ways.  Back home, with the courting of Erathim in my old village, most everyone understood and knew of the traditions, so they did their best not to interfear with them...  But here in Hlint most everyone is ignorant of them and I fear I will constantly find myself challenging the various men who approach me, and fleeing from their touch as innocent as their intents may be.  Yet I am committed to the ways of the Old Culture and wish to see them through to their blessed conclusion.

[Nehetsrev]

Entry 25 - Sunra, Jenra 22, 1400

Well...  Things in my life, though never completely calm, have become at least a little more peaceful.  Anna gave me an invitation to her wedding which will be taking place soon.  She also asked me to make for her a wedding dress!  I feel more honored by this request than any other to date.  I must work tirelessly until I've completed something fabulous for her.

On another note, I've talked to Anna about the possibility of her fulfilling the role of the priest at the wedding of myself and Talen.  I should really have talked to Talen first, but of all the people I know that we both know well, Anna came to mind as probably the closest.  I do not think he will object, but I must talk to him about it for this is something we both agree upon.  I still must also decide who to choose as my witness and helper in the ceremony.  I wonder also who Talen will choose for his own.  I've yet to explain to him fully the details of the ceremony, and I should do that the next I see him as well.

Rhynn and I had decided to go out exploring the other day, as I was restless and lonely without Talen.  A paladin whose name is Thomas offered to accompany us.  I think he serves Rofiren?  I forget for certain though.  In any case it did not take me long to come to the conclusion that the real reason for his coming is that he is smitten with Rhynn.  This would normally not be my concern, but after he carelessly provoked a band of mercenaries into attacking us all, and nearly killing him I might add, he had the nerve to insult Rhynn's honor by insinuating she had placed her lips upon his to restore his life.  The man is either insane or delerious in his fantasy, as neither Rhynn nor I would have touched his lips with our own, to save his life or not.  He continued to dishonor Rhynn and I became angered to the point that I was ready to cut his heart out with my blade, with Rhynn's permission and on her behalf, but the coward wouldn't draw his own blade to defend himself!  I stowed my blade and urged Rhynn to come with me and leave him behind as I stomped off, but she didn't follow.  She seemed frightened, even stunned.  I returned and tried again to urge her away from the man.  This time she seemed more in control of her faculties, but again she did not follow.  I stayed away from them for some time, hoping Rhynn would see the light and leave the man, but she didn't and in the end on my solitary return trip to Hlint I passed the two talking just off the road.  Rhynn was telling him of the Horses of Pandemonium, and all that had happened in that season of her life.  Eventually, the two of them returned to Hlint and when I thought I had gotten Rhynn alone and away from him for a bit, I tried to speak to her about it.  She hadn't even realized herself that the man was trying to court her!  How blind that girl can be at times!  Thankfully, Freldo showed up soon after our talk, as did Talen.  Leaving Rhynn with Freldo I followed after Talen to the Goblin Wastes west of Hlint.

From there Talen and I decided to go hunting cougars, as he explained he needed more of their skins to fashion himself a new set of armor with longer sleeves to protect more against the cold of winter.  I gave to him some magical bracers that I had looted from the undead in the crypts and which Rhynn had looked at for me and told me he might be interested in them.  They seemed to fit him well as I tied them on for him.  Indeed it seemed the bracers even had the power to enhance the surrounding darkness for a short time, which would be handy in times that Talen might require more stealth than his natural ability alone could afford him.

A fine trip we had together.  Traveling first to an area near Velensk where we met Ferrit briefly who was also hunting cougar and had gotten there before us.  She told us Kyle had not been feeling well and she had left him home to rest, so we wished her well and sent with her our best wishes for Kyles recovery.  Then since the cougar had been hunted out in that area for the time being, we set sail to Point Harbor in Rilara.  On foot we marched toward Fort Himlad and found two cougars on our way.  Talen decided to take me on a detour to see some Rakshasa, or tiger-men as he called them.  Unfortunately they also saw us and we fled under the rain of fireballs which seared us badly.  After recovering and nursing our wounds, we decided to hunt for panthers, but on the way past Lake Rillon we encountered a White Stag!  It was a most beautiful creture and Talen calmed it enough that we could aproach it and even stroke it's soft, silky fur.

Then a vision of sorts filled our minds, of a far off Elven port-city, and a ritual involving a magic arrow.  I do not know what the vision means, but afterward Talen had to leave again.  I journeyed back to Hlint safely on my own, and that's where I spoke with Anna who was handing out her wedding invitations.

Ah!  I've spent too much time this morn writing, and now it is already mid-day!  I must get to work on Anna's wedding dress!

[Nehetsrev]

Entry 26 - Mulnari, Febra 9, 1400

I was able to get some time alone with Talen, and while it may not have been the most romantic of times for us, I was able to speak more with him about the traditions of the wedding ceremony.  He seemed a bit withdrawn as I shared the essential details with him, and I wonder if it is truly right of me to ask him to hold to the traditions which are not hte same as those he was raised with.  In any case, we agreed upon Miss AnnaLee as our Speaker and Binder, the role usually filled by a priest for the ceremony.  I already spoke with her to ask if she might perform the role if we decided upon her together, and she had said she would.  So, I will speak with her again and begin teaching her of the ceremony's rituals.  I have also chosen my Witness and Helper.  I decided to ask Addison to fill that role and she has agreed to it, without hesitation and even before I explained what it entailed.  Even after I explained to her, she was willing to do it.  Talen told me he cannot find most of his friends as they have been fary away for a long time now and he doesn't know if they'll return.  I told him he must seek them out and chose one, or make a new friend in the time left before our wedding.  I am a bit apprehensive of who he may choose, as I do not know any of his friends well and have not met most of them.  Still I suppose for as far as the ceremony goes it doesn't matter what man he choses, my love for him will remain the same.

I finished the dress for Miss AnnaLee to wear to her own wedding, which date draws ever closer.  When I first pressented it to her, she was not entirely pleased with the coloring, but I was able to quickly re-dye it to her liking.  When she saw it next, she was exstatic and happy beyond measure with it.  I am glad it pleases her so, for I worked hard in gathering the silk and preparing the materials and even then was unsure of the design of it.  I explained to her that in making the garment I tried to copy in some fashions the wedding garb worn by the locals of Hlint that I have seen on occasion since ariving here.  Although, the local garb is always white rather than colored.  I can hardly wait to see her wear it again on her wedding day.  I hope Mr. Mith will also be as impressed by it then as Miss AnnaLee is.  On a side note, sometimes my ability to judge a person's measurements by sight alone surprises me.  When Anna tried the dress on it seemed to fit her perfectly from the first.  Nonetheless, I should ask her if she would like a fitting session to be sure it is absolutely perfect in fit and comfort for her.

Thinking again of Talen, earlier in our time together he was busy fashioning himself a new set of armor.  I think I tried his patience to the limit with all my suggestions for the changing of small details and the sellection of colors.  He seemed upset enough at one point that he suggested simply discarding the armor he'd worked so hard to put together.  In the end though, I think I am pleased with how it turned out, as it looks as though it will serve it's purpose of hiding his form in the wilds and protecting him quite well.  I still have yet to fashion for him anything for wearing in more civilized environs...perhaps there is a reason I have not hidden somewhere deep in my mind.  Perhaps I've simply found myself too busy of late.

Of Addison, my dear friend, I am worried.  She believes her precious Cole may soon die his final death, and she does not think she can go on without him if that happens.  I tried my best to convince her that life is still worth living after losing someone loved so dearly, and pointed to my own new relationship with Talen as proof.  I am not sure my words penetrated her mood though.  She also told me a secret, one which I dare not even write in my journal.  I will say that in a way it adds to her burden, but could also be the key to keeping her focused on living should Cole pass away.

I also worry for Rhynn.  I have not seen her in some time.  Even Freldo was without her pressence when I saw him by the pond in Hlint.  I do not know any longer what to do or say around her to bring her back into a proper focus.  I'm not sure I could help her anymore even were she around to hear my words and receive my advice.  I know what she has told me pains her, from her past with that wretch who was her former master, but what can I do or say to ease those pains when she closes her mind and heart to me and to everyone else?  I fear she runs too far from those terrible things of her past, though she in her stubborn way will hold to saying she is confronting them.

Why must things weigh so heavilly on our hearts?  Why must each day be such a trial of will and spirit?  I ponder these thoughts as I close this book again.  I doubt I'll ever find an answer to them.

[Nehetsrev]

Entry 27 - Mulnari, Febra 23, 1400

Peace.  That's the only word for it...maybe two words - True Peace.  In my most recent time with Talen things started out rather rough, emotionally speaking but by the time I laid rest to close my eyes there was True Peace.  I'll start from the beginning of those last few days.

I woke alone, as usual, in my room in the Wild Surge.  Refreshed and ready, somewhat, for a new day in Hlint.  My mind was not at ease on thoughts of leaving the room though I knew I must.  Clothed in my Courting Garb, I reluctantly made my way to the door and pulled it open to reveal the normal hustle and bustle of a Wild Surge morning.  Local patrons sat around tables, some still drunk from the night before, others on their way to becomming intoxicated even in the early hours of the day, and a few who were just there to enjoy the fine breakfast that Yastin is known for serving up.  Some of them, like always, turned their heads to see me as I left my room.  I could see the lusty looks in the eyes of several men and my stomach turned.  Always the same reactions here in Hlint, not like back home where the Courting Garb drew fewer looks.  I steeled myself for another day of challenging the local men's attentions and even those of the odd adventurer's and passers-by that often trafficked through the town.  Talen was no where to be seen, though with him by my side I feel I could have endured it all without blinking.  The stress of each day was adding up.  I've begun mistrusting men in general and my first urge on seeing any man save Talen and a few who are close friends is to draw arms and challenge even the slightest stare.

I quickly made my way out into the streets, at least there I was bound to run into fewer drunken men in an impassioned state of mind.  I found Rhynn, to my relief, and she pulled me aside to talk for a time.  From the look of relief in her own eyes when she saw me, I think she was glad to get away from the man who'd been standing near talking to her when I approached.  Perhaps it's just my imagination in the way I've come to view men in general because of the traditions.  In any case, I was pleased to hear fro Rhynn that she had decided not to kill Saebhel outright, but instead to capture him and turn him into the authorities while searching to retrieve the soulstone she believes he has of hers.  She'd chosen justice over mere vengeance and I told her I was indeed proud of her.  She seemed more the Rhynn I had first come to know and grew to love as a sister.  We eventually parted ways as I felt the need to collect more silk.  Rhynn even generously gave me much silk of her own before I left but it wasn't quite  enough to make another silk outfit, and I was planning on making one for Addison.

After collecting what silk I still needed for the outfit I planned to make, I was headed to the crafting house but never made it.  I ran into Addison on the way and we stepped aside off the road a bit to talk somewhat privately.  She still fears losing Cole, and she confessed to starting to take risks again.  I reminded her it was not only herself she put in danger with those risks, but the reminder didn't seem to settle in her.  In some ways, I feel I am probably one of the few people Addison knows who can truly empathise with her plight, having lost Erathim some 4 years ago now.  But in her situation there are factors I never had to deal with myself.  I never had the thought that I might lose Erathim before those final seven days of his life.  And Addison carries an additional burden... but I swore not to reveal it so I cannot write about it even here in my journal.  She seemed in a weakened state of mind, as though she might go do something very wreckless, so I offered to go with her.  Not that I am skilled enough that I could protect her from much of anything we might face.  But as friend I felt it my best option to help console her of what her mind tells her of the impending, and perhaps imagined, loss of Cole.  What a venture into Roldem and the surrounding land!  As I'd predicted for myself, even with the aid of two of Addisons powerful friends, I was slain in battle with Awakened warriors.  We were on our return trip from a successful outing to mine platinum, and I guess I must have grown careless.  Before I knew it several of the awakened were upon me and I was slain.  Fortunately with a soulstone in my possesion I was able to be raised there after the fighting and I did not see the Soul Mother or return to my bindstone.  We were so near Roldem, it's a shame I didn't make it through that last fight.  Nonetheless the trip proved profitable for me in measure of the queens gold coin and I took home with me just over 1400 of the bright and shiny's.

I headed again to the crafting house upon arrival in Hlint, where upon I stunbled across that oaf of a paladin named Thomas, and Rhynn standing in the street.  I drew my blades to chase the man off, and to my surprise, chagrin, and shame, Rhynn spoke up to say that the man wasn't pursuing her favor after all, and was just trying to be her friend.  I stormed off in a huff to continue to the crafting house.  Rhynn followed close on my heals and caught up with me after dismissing her friend Thomas.  I finished cutting the fire agates I'd mined in the trip with Addison and set to head to the tailors table to begin work on the outfit I intended to make for Addison.  Rhynn stopped me and cast a spell upon me to steady my hands and aid my work.  She was there to comfort me, I guess.  So as I worked we talked a bit and I told her of how the Courting Period was beginning to wear on me with all the constant attentions of the local men that I had to challenge.  She tried to talk me out of holding to the traditions, but I would have none of that.  How could I turn my back upon all those I loved who'd died?  The traditions are a part of my way of honoring them and remembering them.  She eventually left and I returned to crafting the outift for Addison.

I guess the outfit was not meant to be finished that day.  Talen arived at my side unexpectedly as I worked.  I was surprised and glad to see him, yet another facet of the trial raged in me.  Feelings bottled up for days during his absence fought to seek his embrace beyond what is allowed during the courting period.  I trembled at the mere sight of him and when he kissed me it was all I could do to hold the reins of my passion in check.  Yet there he stood looking as though he were calm and unmoving as a rock.  It was not fair in my eyes!  He asked me what was wrong and I began to spill forth all my concerns to him of the trials of the courting period while being here in Hlint.  I told him of how Addison's trials were on my mind as well, and I eventually broke down in tears from the flow of unchecked emotions.  A short time later after some comforting he asked me to go with him somewhere else, away from Hlint.  He lead me to Lelion where to booked passage to the Barbarian Isles.  The snow-covered beauty and splendor of the isles is indeed beautiful enough to take one's mind off one's worries, and if the beauty doesn't do it, then the cold will.  We ventured about in the snow, avoiding some Gnolls and coming across a white polar bear.  Talen charmed the bear as he seems to be able to do with most any animal, and I decided to call it Snowball.  With Snowball following along with us we came across a boat at an abandoned looking camp.  We boarded the boat and found a landing on another isle, though I think the boatride disturbed Snowball, for he grew agitated enough to attack Talen after we dissembarked.  Sadly we had to slay the beast, and Talen was left nearly dead himself.  I tended his wounds as best as I could, but even then he was still injured quite badly.  Like fools, instead of turning back to seek shelter and wait until his injuries healed, we went onward.  It was shortly after that we met our ends at the hands of kobolds.  They ambushed us unexpectedly and there was not much we could do to flee.  Talen fell first and I quickly after.  Returned to the bindstone in Lelion, we decided to forego a trip back to our gravesites in favor of simply waiting out the after-effects of death.

Seeking a place of solitude, Talen lead me to the waterfall near Blackford Castle.  This is where that true peace I wrote of earlier found me.  We sat by the lake for a time, listening to the rushing water of the falls, and the pleasureable sounds of eachother's voices.  Talen cooked up some fish he caught along the way and we dined together, though honestly I wasn't really all that hungry.  Then, in the dim light of the fire's last few embers he bit my ear!  It aroused me unexpectedly and before I knew it I'd pounced upon him pinning him down on the ground and kissing him with a fiery passion.  When I got control again I quickly stood and offered him a hand up as well.  He tried to pull me down again, but I resited and pulled him to his feet instead.  He asked if we'd violated the limits of the traditions, and we had not.  Kissing and hugging are allowed, but no more, and never been bitten before I think it falls into the category of kissing in an odd way.  I told him I like kissing more than biting though, if only to stave off a second arousal such as what nearly became too costly.  With passions calmed, and after some more talking, he had promised he would be with me more in the coming days, and not so often away.  I asked him if we could spend the night there by the falls together.  He laid out a cloak for me to sleep on and we soon both drifted off to slumber.  In his arms as I began to fall asleep, that is where True Peace found me.  My True Peace has found me through just being with Talen, and I will cling to it until my very last breath is drawn.

[Nehetsrev]

Entry 28 - Tunar, Mar 10, 1400

If a sigh of utter wistful dreaminess could be written I'd write it here today, but often such subtle emotive actions cannot easilly be wriitten in words.  No, words cannot express the peace welling up continually like a fountain in my heart.  Though if written properly words can give a general shadow of the idea to the reader.

More days pass, and while I still care deeply for those whom I call my friends, the burden of being a friend doesn't weigh so heavilly on me as it oft does.  Rhynn, while seeming to be moving again toward the light of what is good, still has some issues.  Aparently Kyle has upset her somehow, and she thinks him too quick to judge her.  I tried to do good by Rhynn and explain that if she wanted to be judged in a good light, she needed to show evidence of good in her actions and deeds, and her manner.  I don't know if she caught the message and it took root in her or not, but I did what I could and I can only wait to see if she choses to embrace the wisdom.  It's as the old saying, you can lead a horse to water, but you cannot make it drink.  I think part of the weight of my burdens I choose to carry upon myself comes from trying to make horses drink, and I think in future I will try less to do that.

Addison, while continuing to take risks, at least seems in a better mood again.  I worry perhaps that it's just a well-practiced show on her part, but I will give it time to see what fruit is born of it.  At least I know she treasures the garments I fashioned for her, and they have brought a spark of happiness into the darkness that she let haunt her mind.  I think in time she will grow to accept that whatever happens to Cole, she must go on living to honor him and the time they have spent together.  A seed has been planted and a new tree will bloom in their lives, and I hope to be with them both to see what fruit that tree bears.

I can only call myself fortunate and blessed to have the friends that I do, despite all the problems we seem to encounter in our relations.  They are in spirit some of the most giving and generous souls one might ever know, true heros and champions of heart no matter what Ozymandius might say about there being no true heros.  We face trial and test of our faith in living together every day, and we all help pick eachother up and carry one another forth out of those deepest pits of despair.  So many material gifts have I also been given from these wonderful friends of mine that I can hardly find room for them all.  I think I will have to find others who might be able to use some of the things I myself cannot any longer.  I hate to part with such gifts that have such sentimental meaning to me, but on the other hand, if I can gift them to someone else who can use them, perhaps that in itself increases their value to both myself and the ones who first gave them to me.

And finally, though it may seem I have been avoiding thus far writing about Talen in this entry, I come to my beloved and our shared love for one another.  I save writing of us for last because it is the thing of which I write that has most value to me.  My beloved Talen Sgath, who's given family name means 'Shadow' in the tongue of his mentor who raised him from childhood.  While many might consider a name like that to have negative connotations, I choose instead to see the good meaning of it that I might find, for I see only the good in my beloved each time we come together with one another.  A shadow need not be full of evil foreboding, instead it may shelter one from the heat of a blistering sun, it may hide one from the dangerous beasts that would seek to devour, it can be a quiet, peaceful place in which to rest easy and dream of wonderous things.  And when I look at my Shadow, this is what he means to me.  This is where my wistful dreamy sighs are born from.  He is the shade that cools the firey landscape of my heart, giving rise to life so it may flourish abundantly.

You may be reading this entry some years from now, my child, or curious reader who's stumbled upon this my journal, and you may be asking yourself why this day I chose not to write about the specific happenings of my life as I have written mainly of thus far.  Today I choose to write about those soft breezes of emotion that blow across the heart instead, for facts of daily living can become tedious and every so often one needs to soar above them and live in a moment of sheer joy for living.  May you find a peace in your own life such as that I have found in mine at the time of this writing.  May you also experience the kind of friendships that I have found in those most noble friends of mine, who each yet still are only frail beings in their own ways, but who together in friendship reach to such great heights of triumph.  May you realize a full life, despite what troubles you have, and take joy in the wonders of love in all it's forms.  These blessings I pray unto you, whether they be the kind endorsed by Toran or not, I want these to touch the hearts of all in this world.  Perhaps through living my life I can acheive that in some small measure.

[Nehetsrev]

Entry 29 - Threas, Mar 26, 1400

Let not my tongue speak of blessings, nor my hand write of times of peace, for each time I do so only brings ruin quickly after!  It was Miss AnnaLee's wedding day and at the reception I and my traditions ruined that blessed event.  Would that I could turn back the hands of time and choose instead to leave with my dear Talen before such tragedy could befall.  Would that the pig of a man who trounced into the tavern had never set foot therein to so boldly challenge my commitment and traditions.  Yet still it happened that my honor brought me to draw arms, ye even unto nearly taking the oaf's hand for his advances toward me.  Filled with fury that such would interupt the fine reception of my dear friend I am thankful I managed to control the fury and met his wrist with the flat of my blade instead of edge.  If but one cut were made, if but one drop of blood spilled then not only would I have failed my friend at her happy occasion, but I would also have failed the traditions that caused me to act in the first place.  Why are some men so thick headed they cannot hear even the simplest and most direct declarations with understanding?  Did he not hear me say I was pledged to another?  And yet the fool made advances, ye even after his hand was stopped by my blade the once he continued to pull forth flowers in his flirtations!  I was forced to back out and leave Miss AnnaLee and my other friends there, perhaps to the best after drawing arms on such an occasion.  And still, I failed Anna further, for after leaving my mind still raged and I took out upon innocent creatures the frustration that seethes inside me.  I've kept their pelts, and will try to make something of worth with them, but they were killed of rage not of need, and I know Miss AnnaLee would be saddened by such more deeply then I can bear to think of myself.  I am ashamed, and loath my very being.

When finally my hand was stayed from slaying, I returned to overlook the isle near Lelion, yet still anger burned in a firey conflageration inside me.  It was there while I was cursing the names of all men that my dear Talen came upon me.  I told him of what I'd done to the cats, and showed him their hides as proof.  I could see him saddened, and perhaps angered himself.  I continued to be angry even in his pressence and he took it as being directed at himself.  Why am I such an unreasonable bull-headed fool at times when supplication is more prudent?  Did not a vision of clouds and a feeling of release knock me to the ground, I fear I would have driven Talen out of my life that night.  Yet even that brought injury to me as my skull smacked down upon the stone.  With unfocused sight and feet that sought to step not where I would place them, Talen lead me to the docks of Lelion and we set sail for Dregar, the port of Hurm.  Finding no temple there we set sail again to another port where we did find a temple of Aeridan, and there the clerics were able to mend the injury to my head.

The ordeal had helped me forget the happenings at Anna's reception, and the fit of rage after that drove me after to do horrible things.  Talen's pressence with me also continued to sooth my mind, and so we explored the area a bit together.  We came across a Tomb of Lost Heroes in our wanderings before we found a portal that returned us to Moraken's Tower, north of Hlint.  Tired, nay exhausted from our travels we retreated to the inn where I left Talen and sought the comfort of my room there to slumber.

Perhaps in opening of this journal entry I make larger than life the way of these events, but my feelings of frustration are such that I can scarce help but write of woe.  Better too that I write such words in secrecy than I voice them to those whom I call friends, lest I burden them unduly with my own imagined dark view of life.  I know in my heart, pleasant times will again come to me and that I am not cursed to live in sorrow and misery forever.  Yay, I'm blown upon by winds of everything and moved when such breezes should not stir me.  I must learn to take root in that which is the good and solid soil of reason and optimism instead of letting my feelings drive me into fits of anger and depression so often.  I must master my heart and bring it to true peace, that is the destiny of my name foretold for me at my birthing by my parents who loved me so.  I still must seek out a cleric of Toran and seek their wisdom to learn for myself more fully Toran's will, laws, and precepts for living.  Perhaps in them I will find the road to the mastery of my heart.

[Nehetsrev]

Entry 30 - Threas, Apreal 12, 1400

The fourth month already.  The days seem to be flying by while at the same time they drag themselves out from moment to moment.  Now only around eight months left until the wedding date.  I hope Talen is able to accomplish the things I've asked of him before then.  I would very much like to know the meaning of his name, and his original familly name of birth.  I know the name given him by his mentor who raised him means 'shadow' in the elven tongue she spoke, at least that's what he tells me Sgath means to his knowledge.  But that isn't quite his real name of birth.

On top of that, he needs to pick a Witness and Helper yet, and it seems that we will have to bend tradition a bit to teach Talen's Witness and Helper of the proceedures of the ceremony when he does choose one.  Still the part of tradition of bride and groom neither knowing the other's chosen Witness & Helper before the day of the wedding has been oft broken before by anxious couples and is not so vital that it stopped the process.  I feel that should he have to tell me who he has chosen, I will tell him that I have chosen Addison to be mine.  This is something I hope does not hurt Rhynn too much to learn, I love her as a sister but I love Addison just as much and it has been difficult for me to choose between them for this role.

Talen and I also need to commune together again and choose the new family name for our children, and which ourselves might possibly choose to take upon us.  This is a most essential thing that need be done, and also part of the reason I asked Talen to find out his real name and it's full meaning.

I did get some time alone with Miss AnnaLee to explain the basics of the ceremony, and she did not seem to be upset by any of them too much as I explained their meanings as well.  She told me a secret she carries, and I was able to allay her fears that it could interfear with the ceremony as it should not do so.  I will keep the exact nature of the secret to myself rather than write it here for who knows the hands this journal might fall into with each passing moment of time should it leave my possesion in an untimely fashion?  I would not wish Miss AnnaLee or Mr. Mith to be hurt in any way by my own actions or failure to keep what they've confided in me.

Speaking of Mr. Mith, he lead a group of us into some old crypts in the High Forest to face a 'dragon thing'.  I didn't make it that far however, and was killed by some black looking puddle of self-mobile slime.  At least my former body must have privded the creature a fair meal before it itself was slain by the others as it must have been.  I waited in Hlint for my new body to fully come to strength again, and while I waited I spoke with Kyle.  He expressed he was worried that he cared too much for a friend, and I explained that caring itself is not a bad thing, but that when our own selfish views of what we believe right are forced upon those we care about it ceases to be true caring.  As I've shared with others this day, I told him what Grandpa once taught me.  Grandpa taught that all actions and thoughts can be traced back to either love, or selfishness and that it is these most basic of motives that determines whether a deed is done for good or evil.  We must each take the time and thought to examine our actions and thoughts to see truthfully their roots, and though it may hurt to see the selfishness behind our actions sometimes, it is better to learn of it and change our ways than to continue on in them in ignorance or denial of our evil.

As a result of my own actions of recent time past, I have examined my heart and found something I must cut out from it.  That evil I have found is my hate for Orcs and Goblins.  I have learned that not all of them are so evil, and most importantly of all I have learned that I was taking pleasure in causing death, a feeling most definitely not born of love.  I will not immediately cease to have a grudge against them all, but I will try to be more open minded and allow them to prove their worth if they at least are not bearing arms agaisnt me.  It may be, as loath as I feel to admit, that I might owe the one called Gremlock an apology for my mistrust and ill-treatment of him.  I will continue to hold my blade back from him and watch and listen to his interactions with others so that I might better judge.  He does seem to be motivated much by greed,a selfish thing, but I have also seen him offer skins of a deer to others to avoid them going to waste which seems an unselfish act.

It seems the sun has risen high and I should end this writing for now to go about my daily routines and find new adventures as well.

[Nehetsrev]

Entry 31 - Freas, Apreal 27, 1400

Well, it happened that for the first time Talen and I had what could be refered to as a major squabble.  We've had minor differences in the past and truthfully this was a fairly minor thing too, but it driven by more anger than any previous I think.  What had occurred to set this off was that we had agreed to help Rhynn fetch some malachite from the Sielwood cave, but on the way I had the misfortune of havig to slay three badgers.  I'd set out ahead of the rest with Olaf, my ox, in tow.  We rounded the edge of the forrest in the goblin wastes and the first of the badgers sprang upon me.  I was surprised as normally the badgers do not wander so close to the road.  I think they may have been rabbid though, for I'd done nothing that I can think of to provoke them.  It happened that Talen came upon me just as I had slain the last one of the three, he was most dis-pleased by the stare he gave me.  Honestly, I probably should not have done so, but I was so upset myself at having to have killed the badgers that I snapped at him after trying to explain why I'd felt I'd had to do it.  He just kept staring so I went on into the Sielwood to wait for the others to catch up.  He came after me and said we needed to talk, but at that point I was in no mood to do so, and I wanted to finish helping Rhynn and Freldo before getting into a long lecturing about why I shouldn't have killed the beasts.  I set off grumpilly to the cave and after we got what we'd come for, Talen and I went to the Rangers Vale while Rhynn & Freldo went back to Hlint together.  In the Vale, we got into things and tempers flared a bit, but in the end we eventually worked it out before Talen had to leave.

I found out his name of birth and its meaning after our argument.  It is Treoraiche, and means leader or guide.  I found in what notes I have of Grandpa's teachings that the Old Tongue word for leader is Traeraesh, which is not too dis-similar.  I have yet to tell Talen of this finding though, as he has been away since.  I also looked up words for the two principals Talen said he values most in life, freedom and justice.  In the Old Tongue they are Efloa and Masura respectively.  The word Efloa, for freedom, is apparently a derivitive of the word Floa, which means 'to flow', the 'e' in front is repressentative of the word true, so litterally Efloa could be translated as 'true flowing' as well as freedom.

As a reader you may wonder why I'm so concerned with the words and their meanings.  The reason simple really, in the Old Culture we believed that a person's name holds their destiny, and as such is very important.  The name of one's birth and it's meaning therefore is of great import, and guides one toward what destiny may await them in life.  At time of marriage one can chose a new name, and thus a new path of destiny.  It is believed thus because at such point the two become so close that their lives bend and change their destinies, they are no longer a single straight line of fate, but a doubled twisting, for a time as well along with any children they may have together.  So at marriage, by tradition, one may choose to keep their original name of birth, adopt the their spouses family name, or choose to take on the new family name they decide upon with their spouse for their children.  With tradition in mind I have been looking at deciding upon a new name and I will propose it to Talen next I see him.  I think of him as my comforting shadow, and so in the Old Tongue I would take on the name of M'Biirzoendaern to replace my name of E'Zoenna.  Though if he is not keen on that name, perhaps a name from freedom and justice such as Efloa'na'masura, would be more to his liking.  Another possibility I am hesitant to suggest is taking on the name of A'tarohath, which means 'The Pure Seed' and denotes what was once the royal bloodline, but since it would appear I am the last of those of the Old Culture it may be fitting that he and I together start the line anew.  I only wish he had been able to find the meaning of his name 'Talen', for then it could help me choose a name fitting with that meaning and with the meaning of my own name.

Enough writing for now I think.  I still have to finish scribing the copies of the scrolls which outline the rituals of the wedding ceremony so that all involved will have time to prepare.

[Nehetsrev]

Entry 32 - Satari, Mai 14, 1400

My time with Talen was short in recent days.  He was away quite a bit, and I kept myself bussied mining copper and making jewelry.  I also went down into the crypts a few times to curb the numbers of the undead lest they become too many and come out of hte crypts to wage war upon the living.

In my adventures I found some star-dusts of varrying types.  One of them Master Ozymandius is very interested in.  Interested enough that he is willing to trade two second circle enchantments for the star-dust and an additional 2600 gold.  I think it's a great deal, so I decided to take him up on it.  If he keeps his memory of it he should have the enchantments ready by the next opening of the Lelion Arms.  I'm going to see if I might find some more of that star-dust for him as he also has a pair of gloves that would aid me in combat quite a bit.  Though he offered to sell those for 6000 gold, I think I'd rather trade him more dust if I can find it as I need to save up some gold if Talen and I are ever to buy land and build a home somewhere.

I found Addison sitting behind the Wild Surge and we talked a bit.  She's told Cole her secret, not that I think it could have been kept too much longer anyway.  She said he seemed happy about it, but it didn't seem to me that she was all that happy herself when we were talking.  Maybe it is because Cole told her she must give up drinking strong drink for a time.  I offered to help her with that order and she gave me her bottle of whiskey to hold onto for her, of course there's nothing to stop her from buying more I'm afriad.  I dont' think Addison to be a drunkard who cannot control herself, but I could be wrong.  I've seen lives ruined before by a lack of power over the call of strong drink, I don't wish to see this happen to Addison and Cole, especially not with her secret.  Talen showed up while she & I talked and she left a little after that to go get rest.

I wish my time with Talen had been longer.  We talked of other things and I completely forgot to mention the ideas for a family name I have come up with.  He lavished me with more gifts, of sorts, though the badger gloves made from the badgers I slew make me feel a bit uncomfortable.  They remind me of something I'd rather put behind me, so perhaps I'll find someone else who might use them instead of keeping them.  Though I have to admit they fit well, if a bit snugly, and make me feel a bit impish.  He also gave unto me a set of leathers made from the skins of white stags.  I asked him how he'd gotten the skins and he told me the stags had been trapped in the cruel traps of hunters and were dying anyway, so he ended their misery and took their skins so that they might serve a purpose in death.  I'm assuming he also took their meat and ate it, or gave it to those in need of food.  The outfit feels soft upon my skin, and I made a few minor alterations to it, but did not dare dye it.  The lovely white of the stags should not be dyed, it would be almost sacrelige to do so I believe.

I also finally bumped into Maev again.  I offered her my apology for the way I treated her, and she apologized for having offended me as well.  With that grudge now behind us, I hope to again have time to speak with her of our beliefs in Toran.  She is not so bad a person, though she is gruff and direct in her speaking and thoughts.  Perhaps her mind is hardened by battle and focused only upon serving Toran the way she knows how best.  Perhaps too she and I might learn to be friends, if friendship is something we both seek from the other.  At least we are not at eachother's throats anymore.

I have not seen Rhynn for some time now. I wonder what she's been up to these past days?  I hope she is still continuing on a good path.  I care for her well-being.

[Nehetsrev]

Entry 33 - Tunar, Junar 3, 1400

What a mess!  That may or may not be the best word for it, but it suffices in this instance.  Traditions...a misunderstanding...a confrontation.  A mess.

It started when I met Talen and Mr. Ravenlock outside Hlint.  Talen had recently fallen in the goblin caves, probably while there searching for me.  I was on my return trip to Hlint's crafting house with practicly double my own weight in copper on my back.  Addision also showed up about that time.

I asked for some help carrying some of the weight of the copper, and Mr. Ravenlock was quickest to respond by first casting a blessing upon me which enhanced my own strength, and then carrying what few nuggets were still over-burdening me.  I hadn't really expected Talen to respond in his weakened state and I thought it best that he return to his place of death quickly, and since Addison was there I asked her to go with him while Mr. Ravenlock and I went to the crafting house with the copper.

Evidently, my taking charge in the situatation coupled with the fact that a stranger to Talen was aiding me must have given rise to Talen's jealousy or his ire in some way.  When he caught up with Mr. Ravenlock and myself after regaining his strength, Talen whispered in question of what the man was doing with me.  At the time I replied that he was simply preparing to go with me to get some clay for jewelry molds, which was the honest truth, but I also tried to subtly remind Talen if he thought the man's intentions toward me were to court me, he could offer challenge.  Under the traditions this would mean he would most likely only need to warn the man off, but Mr. Ravenlock overheard the word challenge and took it to mean he was being challenged to a duel, as is evidently common among the followers of Vorax such as himself.  When I realized the misunderstanding I'd caused, and saw the anger on Talen's face directed at me, I tried to straighten it out, but Talen disappeared leaving me with Mr. Ravenlock.

With his sudden absence I fell to the ground in a sorry state, I don't know how I managed to avoid gushing forth a torrent of tears, but my eyes remained dry.  I was shocked and stunned.  How could he just leave?  I understand he may not have wished to fight Mr. Ravenlock, but he hand't even himself issued the challenge, so he wouldn't have had to after my explaining.  I felt betrayed, and for the first time I felt myself wondering about Talen's commitment to me.  It seemed to me when Talen questioned Mr. Ravenlock's pressence with me that he might have thought the man attempting to court me.  That is the sole reason I brought up the right of challenge, simply because I thought Talen might need to be reminded that under the traditions which were not so familiar to him he could choose to challenge the man.  If our positions had been reversed and I thought a woman to be courting Talen, I know I would not have hesitated to challenge her and make known my claim on him.  I wonder if Talen thinks me unfaithful, and thus unworthy?  I would have spurned Mr. Ravenlock myself if I thought his intent were to woo me.

After some time Talen did return, and we talked more of the misunderstanding.  Perhaps we worked it out, but he still seemed angry though he confessed he might have over-reacted to the situation.  The feelings of abandonment I felt when he left the first time still haunt me as well.  I hope that he will come back to Hlint again soon and that we might share a more peacefull time together.

I'm so confused and hurt right now.  I think I'll just stay in my room here at the inn for a few days.  I need to decide if I believe his love for me to be true, and whether I should continue to court him.  The amount of his anger lately does not sit right with me, though I can hardly say it is not all entirely unwarranted.

[Nehetsrev]

Entry 34 - Mulnari, Junar 16, 1400

A sigh...That is how I would begin this entry were there a true way to express it on paper in words.  Small twinges of heartache still surface at the pain of the last few days, though the wounds are tended and well on the way to healing.  Not physical wounds, of course, but wounds of the heart as I had written of previously.  The healing bagan I think with a knock on the door from the hand of Lady AnnaLee.  She truly is a lady in every sense of the word, and the greatest friend that one could dare ask for.

I had been locked up inside my room at the Wild Surge for days.  I fear my outbursts of wailing and tears might have driven a great many of Yastin's other customers away, so I will have to pay him a bit extra to make it up to him I think.  Even my friend Nehetsrev was concerned for me a great deal, and he tried himself to comfort me from the other side of the door.  I didn't tell him any of the details of what upset me so, but he is a sharp man and guessed enough of it himself.  Finally the knock of Anna came and I shouted for whoever it was to go away, but she knocked again and called to me.  When I recognized her voice I got up and unlocked the door for her to enter.  Locking it again behind her as she did.  I don't know why her voice alone reached my heart after the unsuccessful attempts of all others before her.  Perhaps I was just ready to begin to move on then.

After we talked a while, another knock came upon the door and I called out but heard no response.  I asked Anna to look for me to see who was there but, she saw no one.  Perhaps it had been Talen, but I don't know for certain and have not asked him about it.  In any event, after that knocking I decided it was tiem to leave the room and go elsewhere, and Anna came with me.  I showed her a quiet place tucked away in the Sielwood that I sometimes go to when I need to be alone to think.  On the way I received a message by falcon from Addison.  The tone the message set worried me some as it made it seem Talen had gone berserk looking for me, and Addison herself expressed her concern for my safety.  Anna didn't believe Talen could ever bring himself to hurt me purposely though, so some of my own fears were calmed if only a fraction.

Arriving in my hideaway spot, we sat and talked for a good length and another letter by falcon came, this time from Talen.  In it he expressed his wish to apologize to me for the way he'd acted.  I showed this letter to Anna as well, and with it came my resolve to give him another chance.  I still fear that he will look upon me with such anger again some day, though he has promised he will not.  I know too well that when passion's flames ignite under any heart emotions are oft not controlled, be it in love or anger or some confused mix of the two or some other emotions.

When finally my heart had a semblance of peace again, I left the hideaway to perchance meet with Talen and hear him out.  Anna elected to stay there behind in the hideaway, enjoying the peaceful solitude of the spot as I myself often do.  I think she knew too that this next bit would have to be something I faced alone.

On my way into Hlint a came upon my big friend Cronk, and since night was falling I asked if he still had the dessert first-bloom I'd gifted him with some days past.  He simply smiled and pulled it forth saying, "Yep".  And then he amazed me with his thoughtfulness by giving me a blue rose.  "A pretty flower for a pretty lady", he said with that wonderful half-giant yet childlike grin of his.  I took the precaution of letting him know that I was still engaged to Talen, and he allayed my fears that I might have stirred up a deeper love in him by simply laughing and telling me he wasn't interested in me in that way and just wanted to be a friend.  I told him I was relieved to hear that and confirmed that it was only my intent to be a friend as well.  His flower gave me an idea though, perhaps a little cruel... but I carried it with me as I went to meet Talen.

I chanced upon Addison and allayed her fears for my safety by explaining to her of the letter I'd received from Talen.  As the two of us talked, Talen himself arrived and Addison quickly excused herself.  Talen asked me to walk with him, and I followed.  I took pains to stare rather obviously at the blue rose in my hand that Cronk had given me as we went on out of Hlint to the overlook near Haven Keep.  At last we sat together and he began to talk and offer appology, and I could sense his sincerity.  Yet cruelly I held the rose in my hand and he asked about it eventually.  I told him first it came from another man, and immediately regretted laying such a trap for his emotions when I saw the look on his face turn to utmost sorrow.  So I quickly expained how I had met Cronk and gained the flower only through acts of friendship, and that there was no more between he and I than that.  I wonder why I had it in me to be so cruel as to lead him to believe for even a second that I had become unfaithful.  I feel he truly does love me, and it was but a slip into error brought by confusion and jealousy in a moment that had caused him to look upon me so angrilly days before.  In the end, he knew I had forgiven him, and I knew he loved me.

We set out then for Port Hampshire to deliver a package I had that needed to go there.  It was as usual a trip made in good company of eachother.  I even tried out my new heavy crossbow, and though it worked splendidly it did not feel as right as fighting face to face with my blades in hand.  Along our way, after crossing through the dessert, he showed me a place with two waterfalls and a fort on top of a high hill overlooking them.  It was beautiful.  And then we continued on to Port Hampshire to deliver the package, and after that to Krandor to see if Freya had any others needing to be delivered.

Since Freya had no other packages, we spent some more time sitting by the water's edge there.  I told him of the various ideas for familly names I'd come up with, and we chose together to settle on the name of Efloa'na'masura, which means Freedom and Justice in the Old Tongue.  One of the names I'd proposed was that of the royal line from my culture, A'Tarohath, or 'the Pure Seed' in translation, but we decided against it.  "What better name to start anew the Old Culture under than that of Freedom and Justice?", we concluded.  I have not decided for a certainty yet, but I think I may take on the new name myself and become Heart of Freedom and Justice...it sounds a good destiny.  Though the destiny of my current name, Heart of True Peace, also is of a wonderful nature.  Talen expressed that he would like it if we shared the same name.  I hope it will not hurt him if in the end I do not choose to change my name.  My love for him will not be any less, and I will try to explain that to him again if it seems he needs ot hear it.  I suppose I will not know until the day of our wedding myself, which of the two I will chose.  I've even given thought to taking on his name, Sgath, which means 'shadow' in the language it is from, but I wonder that most people might think the destiny of that name too forboding of evil.  In my own eyes though I have come to see Talen as my comforting and potecting shadow and so the word shadow does not hold for me a meaning of evil.

Finally, as we neared the end of our talk about family names, a falcon dropped a message for Talen.  A challenge from Kinson Ravenlock to be met at the arena in Velensk.  Talen told me of it and we went together, on our way stopping at Hlint so he could pick up a shield he'd left there with his ox.  While he fetched the shield, I saw Heirophant Rhizome there in the streets and greeted him in wonder.  He even remembered that I had been with the Riders at the Great Library when he'd talked to them there some time ago.  I feel honored that he would remember one such as myself.  I asked him why he was in Hlint, for such a visit from him was unsual there.  He stated he was there to cleanse the town's water supply as well as to attend some other business.  Talen arived with his shield now in tow, and it seemed that though he'd met Master Rhizome once, he didn't recollect the meeting, though Master Rhizome did.  We wished the Heirophant well together and parted ways, determined to reach Fort Velensk for the coming duel.

Reach it we did, at last, and waiting already there was Mr. Ravenlock.  My stomach clenched as the two prepared to fight their duel honorably.  I feared that harm that would come to Talen and part of me wished he had not gone ahead with the challenge.  Though another part of me was satisfied that he was willing to fight to defend our love for eachother, even though Mr. Ravenlock had made it clear that he had no intent to endanger that love.  The duel commenced and with each blow that fell on Talen I winced, feeling in my own way pain at each strike.  Kinson defeated Talen rather easilly, his skill with axe and the empowerment from Vorax upon him making him a formiddable opponent.  I doubt even the two of us together could have stood against Mr. Ravenlock.

A man calling himself Silver was there to watch the duel as well, and afterwards introduced himself.  We all talked for a time before my need for rest drew me to lay down in the place of rest provided at the arena.  Wounds of the heart are healing, some quickly, others not so quickly.  But the love shared between Talen and I seems true and proven again, and this is a great comfort to me.

[Nehetsrev]

Entry 35 - Tunar, Jular 3, 1400

I feel I should scream!  What sheer idiocy some of my closest friends partake of!  I do not understand WHY Addison insists on drinking strong drink still.  She knows as well as I the effects it can have on an unbornd child, and yet she persists at every opportunity.  I can understand her fears of losing Cole...but those fears should not cost so high a price as the life of their child!  I've tried all the persuasion I can muster to reign in Addison and her apparent lack of self-control, to no avail.  At the Lelion Arms last night I could no longer stand to see her doing this to herself, Cole, and most of all to their unborn child and so I left.

Perhaps I'll get the chance to speak with her again soon, in a more private setting where I can speak more freely to her.  If that fails though, I don't know what I can do for my friend short of locking her away somewhere, not that I'd be able to accomplish that.

Rhynn doesn't seem to have taken my words to heart yet either.  She will not speak to me since the time I told her not to until she was ready to live again.  Each time I see her in passing I want to speak to her, to show her I still care...  But, it is because I do care that I have stopped.  For all my caring before, when my words would fall on empty ears time and again, I cannot constantly endure such a drain on my emotions.

You would think these same people who helped pull me from the despair of my past would listen well to words of wisdom from a friend, and realize they were doing the same things they helped me to stop doing myself, but nay!  No matter how many ways I try to pull them back to hope, they cling to hopelessness like ticks on a hound.  Indeed, I do think they feed from it, and the attention they receive as a result.  Perhaps when they realize they are exhausting their friends they might turn 'round to face life again as heroes of spirit.

I cannot face these trials on my own...yet it seems most often I do.  I wish Talen would be more willing to come with me to public gatherings.  His pressence at the Lelion Arms last night might have made the evening more bearable, and at least would have given me a shoulder to cry on in regards to the pain I see my friends inflicting upon themselves and those who care for them.

Perhaps I'll write a letter to Addison, maybe through the written word I can reach her better.

[Nehetsrev]

Entry 36 - Threas, Jular 19, 1400

There was no sign of Talen these last few days.  So soon after our recent fighting and subsequent making up, it is an absence that leaves an empty feeling inside with each passing moment.  I know he'll return, eventually, but I miss his comforting presence near me.

To occupy myself while he's been gone, I took a trip with Addison, Freldo, Maev, and a couple others who wear not with us all the way.  We ported from Axodeth's home in Hlint to Dregar with his brother Exodus, and traveled across the whole of the continent in about two or three days time, where upon we finally ported back to Hlint after a brief tour of the Hall of Lost Heroes.  Along the way we entered a couple mines filled with giants and ogres and collected a hefty sum of gold, silver and minerals.  Most important to me though was the experience in battle I have gained along that path.  I can hardly wait to go on another such trip.

Poor Maev died twice along the path, but fortunately she was able to be resurrected before we had to continue onward each time.  Her skill in battle is something to aspire to, as is Addisons.  I still marvel at how effortless and graceful Addison's dance in battle is.  One day, perhaps, I will achieve a similar prowess with my blades.  Meanwhile, Maev showed the power of Toran well, in both fighting and in healing and blessing.  I don't think I feel the call of paladin-ship on me, but sometimes I wonder...  I still have much to learn of Toran, and yet have I to track down one of his clerics to answer my plethora of questions.  I did learn that Toran has no set amount of tithe, according to Maev, we are simply to give all that which we can afford to.  She herself has decided to tithe at least 1000 gold each month, a very reasonable amount I think.  Since I have not been tithing yet myself, I have resolved to bring a sizable tithe to the temple of Toran in Fort Llast within the next few days.  First I must set my heart right, and make sure I tithe for the right reason, for to tithe simply as duty, or as something expected of one does not sit right with me.  I feel that a tithe should be meant as a gift to one's diety, not lightly given on whim, nor given with resentment that one must give, but given because one truly wishes to show their god their respect and admiration, and give thanks for their god's hand in their lives.  The amount of the tithe, to be worthy, should also in my heart be an amount not easy to part with, for a tithe is a sacrifice to show one's diety that they are valued more than mere possesions and wealth.

At last, after our trip when we had returned to Hlint we dispersed.  I made way to the crafting hall and tried to cut some gems from the minerals I had mined or which Freldo had given to me, with little success.  Then I went to the bank and deposited a sum of gold to my account there.  I am proud to say my account at the bank is growing quite well, though it is still not enough to come close to purchasing a home.  Perhaps in a year or two Talen and I will have enough between the two of us to do so.

After stopping by the bank I went to sit near the pond for a while to relax, and dream that I might see Talen.  Instead of Talen however, a drunken man smoking a pipe wandered near me.  He gave name of Rain Darsus, and I have not formed an opinion of him yet, but if he smokes that blasted pipe around me again I'll cut it in two.  A while later I found, or was rather dragged by Anna to stand near Rhynn and Freldo.  Apparently they had found Rhynn was neglecting to eat or drink on her own, and Anna asked me to hold her down for them while they fed her.  I care for Rhynn, and at the same time I have been itching for a good enough reason to arise to smack her for her stubborn clinging to hopelessness.  This seemed a good enough reason, so I tackled her to the ground with ease, and sat upon her while Anna and Freldo made to feed her.  She refused to eat, the stubborn git, so we tickled her a bit.  That didn't work either though, but something that Anna whispered into Rhynn's ear seemed to do the trick.  She calmed somewhat and I let her up as Anna asked me to.  Meanwhile the newcomer to Hlint, Rain, had stumbled upon our odd commotion.  He must have thought us all insane, and perhaps we are to some degree.  I gave Rhynn a hug, and whispered to her that I still care for and love her deeply.  Then with still an urge to whack something to pieces I turned to head into the crypts to destroy a few undead.  Mr. Darsus heard me comment on my intent to enter the crypts and asked to come with me.  Apparently Erag needed more essence of Lesser Dark Soul and had asked the man to find him some.

Together Rain and I went into the depths of the dead, and we brought forth with us the essence and a small amount of loot garnered from the undead we slew on the way.  I still cannot help feeling a bit like a grave-robber when looting their remains, but a girl's got to eat and have money for a roof over her head and other costs of living.  At least Mr. Darsus was sober by this time, though he has tendency to rush into battle without first taking stock of his oponents and their positions.  His wrecklessness nearly got him killed, but fortunately I had some potions left over from Dregar to heal his wounds.  I cannot be too harsh in my judgement of the man, when first I arived in Hlint I also acted so foolishly as to rush into things I didn't yet know I couldn't handle.  I have since learned of course that when fighting superior foes it is best to let the more experienced veterans go first to draw their attention and sneak in blows upon the distracted foes a bit later.

Enough writing for now.  I need to begin my day's activities, chores, and business.

[Nehetsrev]

Entry 37 - Threas, Augra 5, 1400

In these past days I overheard Mr. Mith talking with Miss AnnaLee.  It sounded as though a great blow was struck against the forces of Sinthrar Bloodstone and another of the Blood Pools was destroyed.  Yet this triumph comes with a heavy cost, as most such progress does.  Mr. Mith is near his final death, the one from which he will not rise again on this plain, and Anna is heartbroken at he prospect of losing him.  I spent some time trying to cheer both of them, and it saddens me that Mr. Mith thinks so lowly of himself that he believes he will end in such a place as the Void for eternity.  I tried to instill my own hopes in him and for him that he might instead achieve a better end when the time comes for that final passing.  I know Mr. Mith is a good man at heart, for I have seen the evidence through his good deeds, though I am sure he may not always have been as good as he is now.

Is a man or woman measured by the the weight of a thousand misdeeds done in times long past, or are they measured for who they are at the moment of their death?  I believe the latter is true, for how else can one find redemption from a life of sins?  It would not be just, in my reckoning, for a one who has had a change of heart later in life to suffer in torment of hells simply because of past mistakes when in the end they grasped onto the truth of love and held it dear.

It troubles me that two of my closest friends both stand on the verge of losing the men they love, and that both are with child.  I wonder, will their children be born into despair, or will their mothers find strength to summon forth love despite their loss of those whom they cherrish?  Anna seems most prone to avoid the trap of depression, but Addison I cannot be certain of.  In either case, should they soon lose their loved ones, I will be there to offer support to them to the utmost of my being.  Such is the manner of friendship that we put aside our own goals and cares for a time to show love unto those close to us that they might be at peace with life, hopeful and happy.

I have written to the Arcane Alliance, at prompting of Mr. Mith, to request aid in securing the supplies needed to create healing kits for the relief efforts in Roldem.  I hope to hear good news in response to my querry, for in their time of need the people of Roldem need friends who can help them regain strength and rebuild their homeland to stand once again on proud feet.  In such a foundation of international friendship too, the seeds are planted for a brighter future without the shadow of war with each other overhanging the nations.  Now is the time to heal any old wounds between our nation and that of Roldem.  Now is the time for our people to show themselves as loving neighbors and friends.  A united world may one day defeat the future likes of Sinthrar Bloodstone before they can even get started into their depravity and cause such destruction again.  I thank my grandfather for the teachings of tollerance that he instilled within me, to give me the hope of a better world such as this one I write of here.

Perhaps my dream seems too big to you who may one day read this journal if the world is still in such state as it is at pressent when I write this, but it is my hope that perhaps when you read this journal my dreams will be reality, or very close at hand.

[Nehetsrev]

Entry 38 - Freas, Augra 20, 1400

Yet more time has crept past us.  These last few days have not been as prodictive as I had hoped.  I've been trying to gather the ingredients for healing kits to be donated to the restoration efforts of Roldem.  Unfortunately, my skill is such that when I try to assemble the kits I'm able only to successfully make one or two of each ten I try.  I'm afraid I'll have to buy healing kits pre-made at this rate, if only to make sure that the relief gets enough to be useful in Roldem.  I'll continue to hone my skills making my own though as well so that one day I will not have to depend upon others to make them.

For a change of pace after my hard work with the attempts at healing kits, Talen took me on a trip with some friends to fight giants in the mountains near Velensk.  Maev, Tegan, Ke'Kai, Addison, and Mr. Darsus were those who joined us in this.  For a time we were doing well, but then Maev needed to leave, as did Addison, and things got tougher.  We still fought pretty good together despite their absence, so we pressed onward.  Were it not for a terrible and stupid mistake on my own part, our campaign may have been more successful.  I heard the creatures that had been summoned to the field of battle fighting with a group of the giants and thought that the others of the party had also engaged, so I charged forth.  To my horror I found that I was wrong, and the summoned creatures quickly fell leaving me to face two giants and a maur.  I panicked, and instead of accepting my own death to spare the others, I ran from them and back toward the party.  As a result of my foolishness I was not the only one to die, with me through the death void and back to the bindstone in Velensk came Mr. Darsus and Ke'Kai.

Talen came to me in Velensk, and not long after also came Tegan.  Talen was vissibly upset by my passing and I think it tore his heart fiercely to see me fall.  I tried to comfort him, for I had yet again eluded the Soul Mother by some miracle, but he ended up needing some time alone while Tegan helped me and the others back to our death-sites.  I hope he is not away long.

The time of our impending wedding is approaching ever closer, and I do not believe Talen has yet to ask anyone to be his Viza N'Ruvan Min Sata for the ceremony.  He will need to do so soon, so he has time to instruct them on the language and tradition as I've scribed for him in the scrolls I made.  I must also find time to go over the ceremony's details with Anna and Addison so that they may better know their parts for it.  There are but four months left in the time of courting, and then on the 28th day of the 12th month Talen and I will be wed, hopefully.  I have decided I will take on the name Talen and I have chosen for our family.  I will become Heart of Freedom and Justice, or in the Old Tongue, Treana Min Efloa'na'masura.

[Nehetsrev]

Entry 39 - Satari, Seplar 7, 1400

What new things happened in these last days?  Let me think.  Well, I saw Talen for a brief time.  He came to Hlint to rest for a little and report that he'd seen a demon in Rilara.  I think it was Rilara anyway, near some apple orchard there.  Then he was gone again, probably to go keep an eye on the thing and make sure it didn't get out of control.

I tried comforting Anna regarding Mr. Mith and his nearness to his final death.  I just don't seem to be finding words of comfort much anymore though.  I also tried to comfort Kyle some when Anna & I found him upset about Ferrit being accosted by the Soul Mother for a third time.  Then there's that Rain fellow...  He's had tragedy in his life much like my own, much like that of many of us Dragon-called, and he's still got his head in teh ground mourning his loss.  I can't say I was any better when I first arrived in Hlint.  Juggling ogre's!  I'd say I was even worse off than he.  But again, I just can't seem to find words to lift the spirits from those depths.  I'm sure, with time, he'll find a way to move on and live again.  Being a zombie of sorrow and woe just isn't worth the un-living of life.

While talking to Kyle and Sa'Kura, I found out about an odd wedding tradition of these parts called a 'bachellor party'.  I tried to understand it's significance, but it doesn't seem to have much real meaning like most traditions do.  It's mainly an excuse I guess for the menfolk to get drunk together 'one last time' before the groom marries on the next day.  Perhaps it simply doesn't make sense to me because in the traditions of the Old Culture it would be deeply disrespectful of either bride or groom to show up to the ceremony drunk, or hung-over.  I'll have to talk to Talen about this odd tradition to find out more I think, and to make sure he has no plans for such an event prior to our wedding.  It's hard to believe that in only about three months time now we will be having our ceremony.  I hope he's picked a Viza Na'Ruvan by now.  It really shouldn't be put off any longer if he hasn't yet done so, not with the training in the Old Traditions that he'll have to teach them and that I will have to teach him for the ceremony.

Time for more work.  I'll have to gather more silk for making slings for the relief effort.  I might even try fighting the ettercaps and spiders for some if I can't find enough elsewhere.  If I decide on that though, I'll be sure to take with me a couple strong friends.  It would be too risky to try on my own.

[Nehetsrev]

Entry 40 - Sunra, Seplar 22, 1400

A little sleep, a little slumber, a little laying of the head to rest, and now I am awake again and writing in this journal.  It's been another few days in the lands and I've been busy with just living.  I managed to make a few more healing kits for the Roldem relief, as well as some new cloth slings.  I donated them all, along with some other things I'd picked up, to the relief efforts when I went to the Freelancers for storytelling night.

After the stories were all told and the small crowd dispersed back to their own paths, Anna and I stayed at the Freelancers for a bit and chatted.  Eventually we returned to Hlint whereupon we found Talen, and I was overjoyed.  He was covered in blood from a few small wounds and Anna rushed forward to tend them, but I in my enthusiasm to see Talen also rushed forward to give him a big hug, despite the blood.  We went and sat by the pond for a bit to talk and snuggle, and then after a time we went to help Mr. Darsus recover at his deathsite as he had died in the Red Light Caves and came to ask our aid.  After that, it wasn't long before my beloved Talen expressed his need to leave once more in the morning, so we spent the night sleeping underneath the stars together at the campsite just outside town.

I've found that with my new helmet I can much more easilly take on foes that used to send me running.  I'm even able to best the spiders and the ettercaps that often congregate near the entrance to the Sielwood caves.  I'm not getting overconfident though, and still try to draw off only one or two foes at a time if I can.  Perhaps though, I can try anew my efforts of mining copper in the Sielwood cave without too much trouble from the kobolds.  Of course, as long as Karana keeps me well supplied with it at such reasonable prices I guess I really don't need to.  Still, it would be nice to be more self-sufficient in mining ores and smelting them into ingots on my own, especially if I can start crafting weapons and armors.

Well, time to go again for now.  I have some goals to reach in my progress toward becomming a master tailor and jeweler and I will not reach them if I don't get busy.