Angelique Nightshine - Becoming One

[Spider]

Title - Becoming One
 

I have been here many weeks now, and I seek to remember the path that has gotten me to my current point, the writing in this journal are my thoughts of the events that have passed, my interpretations of what they mean, my feelings towards thingson my new journey, to become one with myself.

Note to self, this first entry is what I remember from the moment I opened the gates until my current time, there may beevents that I have missed.

[SIZE=13]After listening to the priest’s advice, I walked for three days and found the walls of a small town, looking at the gates I did not know what to expect. Before entering the town I had a look around and found a camp fire and took a few moments to get some rest. [/SIZE]

[SIZE=13]Closing my eyes, and thinking of all that has happened to me over the last three years, things can only get better it surely isn't possible for things to getworse and so after some bread and water i walked up to the gates.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=13] Hlint, a small town with many houses and an Inn. It’s not too different from Lar after asking agaurd that seems tobe veryvigulant if a little forwardI was directed to the local in and took some rest.  After awakening I remember looking at my wrists and noticing the rusted stains of the shackles that had held me for so long, a constant reminder of my past, but this is a new town, and a new place so a new beginning to my journey. I decided that I should find something to cover up these marks and so I ventured out into the town.  On my first day I met several people, a man i didn't get his name, he seemed a little shifty in my eyes, and a lady called Christine they all seemed very pleasant though, and after my greetings I continued to look around the town. I met a lady called Flora who had troubles with her records, to get them back I would need the help of others, and so I went to see that same shifty looking man.  I asked quietly if he would show me where to find these records, he took me to some sewers and pointed to the entrance, however after he refused to help me any further and soI entered and soon after hastily left. An infestation in those sewers was overwhelming and so I asked the lady with Red hair, Christine.   She was happy to help me, and insisted that she be known as Red, and so three of us entered the sewers and found the records that had been lost, the third person I forget his name, but a fine archer he was.   After I had returned these records people seemed to hear my name, and all sorts of work came my way, which was exhausting but it made me feel wanted so I was happy to oblige. My most memorable was helping a trader and his sick family; he paid me and also gave me a cloak, a fine piece of work.  A few days had passed and by now I am really getting to like some people of this town, however one I have fallen for, Christine, she is so caring and sweet and at times she makes me laugh with her random comments, but more then that she feels just as I do which makes it all the more special. Christine has many layers though deep down she has a fire that burns, I have seen it many times and it’s a passion that I watch in awe.  When I say that a fire burns within her, what I mean is she has a passion for battle. I have seen her when we have traveled, when she is with friends she is where people seem to flock too, when she is in battle she is where people seem to fall behind. She is truly a wonderful person, and I hold a place in my heart for her.  A man had asked me to retrieve some essence from a crypt in Hlint, this crypt was full of undeath, at first upon entering I felt fearful and then skeletons rushed toward me. After closing my eyes and believing in myself, I let go of the fear and let my palm sink into the risen bones like they were not there.  Shattering one after another, I felt such a release of tension, and so for hours I walked through the crypts putting the undeath back to where it belongs. After my tension had been released a figure had presented them self from the shadows, a man with a fiery blade, well armored if a little rough round the edges.  His nameis Barion, and he had come after hearing my conversation with the undertaker, he had come to help me with the task that I had been given. Barion has turned out to be a noble man that stands for what he believes. We ventured deep within the catacombs of the crypts and retrieved the essence.   I now consider Barion a good friend, if a lonely and sad one. After a long talk both Christine and myself found that he has been through much, and the fact that he could share his feeling with us, means that he is a friend. I explained my past to both Christine and Barion, and they were both very supportive.  After a long while I heard rumor of a monastery, I knowthis is whereI will find guidance, and so both my love and I visited and my goodness what a place that is. It seems to be almost four monasteries in one, following the paths of water, air, fire and earth. The monastery itself was of the elements so it was in fact just a single monastery.   However, upon going into a room, I felt such power coursing through me I can not really explain it. It is almost as if the forces themselves are alive. I can feel something, I am not yet sure what it is but in the room of fire I feel more awake then I have done my whole life.[/SIZE]

[Spider]

I have met Krys again, and I have sought his advice to these strange feelings that I feel, I am so confused, what is this feeling of unknowing when I am near fire, why do I feel so different.
I asked Krys why I felt odd, like I was standing yet I could see myself, I was feeling the heat, yet I was not hot, why I could watch a single flame flicker, and yet I could see everything around me burn.
Krys was knowing of the same… energy that I felt.
He said that it seemed that fire was a door to something he called no-mind. Where I was completely at peace, thought of nothing, that I was empty

Apparently this is a feeling to aim for, to be free of any burdens that may weigh me down, to truly on think of the moment and nothing else.

Then Krys went on to explain the forces around me called Ki

I will better explain this to my journal when I can put it into words…

[Spider]

Like the air around me, Ki is everywhere. It can not be seen, or touched. Everything I know to be real is either created by Ki or created because of Ki. Ki itself is the energy that surrounds me.
These are the words that Krys told me when we spoke of the feeling that I felt. The feeling itself was me realising that I was one with energy, one with Ki. The fire within the room was my window to feeling this Ki, allowing myself to think of nothing, and allow it to touch me.
Ki is something that I can try to use to better myself, to use the energy to allow my mind to have complete control of my body.
I find this really difficult to put into words, but I believe that in time it will make better sense, and I may be able to better explain it.

I spoke to Christine, and explained how I feel, I tried to explain Ki, and what effect it was having on me, how the fire in the monastery became a window and how I felt in the monastery.
At first it was very difficult to explain, but as we talked she helped me understand that the fire in the monastery was a window into myself, and that the real fire must be within me.

In meditation of late, I have been concentrating on a single flame, concentrating on trying to make my mind a blaze, a silent beautiful dance of burning light.

I seek guidance though, I have come far. I am starting learn of myself, already I feel more powerful, I feel stronger but I cant help but think that this is just the start.

I will try to seek advice from the monastery, I need discipline in my path as I have recently found out, I need to know people who know themselves so that I can truly know myself, about who I am, and what I  must do for my journey.