Into the shadows: Njord

[Hellblazer]

Wedlar, Oclar 25, 1423

Abi is gone,

She told me and Eghaas in the hempstead bank, that she was leaving to go look for her uncle Quantum in the Brech mountain. I was ready to go with her, but she pursed her lips and said that she needed to go alone.

I shook me write there I wanted to tell her that I was going with her. but at the same time I know she has to do this and when she hugged me I hugged her back tightly telling her to come back safely. Never the less when she got out of the bank I had the worse feeling as if it was the last time I was seeing her.

I went to look for her for a day.. I know I shouldn't but that feeling.. it left me at a loss. I couldn't find any traces of her. The equipment I gave her is besting me. If something happens to her I will hate myself for eternity for not having been by her side when.. she needed me to. But Eghaas is right, it is her wish and I love her.

So I came back, a heavy heart and feets that did not want to obey my brain. All I can do is hope.. hope she will be safe.. hope she will find what she needs to find. Hope she will come back safely so I can see her angelic smile again.

[Hellblazer]

Tunar, Novlar 3, 1423

*his handwriting is unthoughtful and messy*

It's been two weeks, I'm going crazy.

No news.. no bird.. no one has seen her.. no nothing. I'm worried even more than I ever was about the syndicate. Usually I buy her a rose bouquet per day, now I have been stock piling them since I can not give them to her.  She said she would send word when she found him did she forget, did something happened?

I should have gone with her,  Njord you are a stupid ox. I should be by her side. Should have tried longer and harder. I can survive these colds better than most since I was raised in a place as cold if not colder.. I know the tricks.. I.. I..

*a big blob of ink covers the bottom  edge of the page as the ink vial fell with a line that goes sideways suggesting the quill slid of the page*

[Hellblazer]

Threas, Novlar 12, 1423

I run day and night, night and day, all to keep myself busy.

If I stop i think, if I think I worry, if I worry.. I'll pack my things and go search for my love. Almost a month now... still no news. I run so much that I forget to sleep or eat until my stomachs makes it quite clear. Then after eating.. no choice but to sleep. And when I sleep.. I dream, and it's of her.

Then I wake up in a hurry, I look around and start running again, gathering things then cooking them. Each time I pass buy her the flower lady says she has more, but now I don't even listen.. I don't even look at her.

Hunty told me to keep faith in Abi's skill, I do, I know she is good. But it doesn't stop the worry, the possibilities of somethings going wrong. I told Hunty that I knew i cared and love Abi when she was there, now that it's been almost a month, I know how much I truly do.

I should of kept looking.

[Hellblazer]

Mulnari, Novlar 16, 1423

*His handwriting shows exhaustion*

Can't take it ..

Got enough food, fire.. water not a problem.. must go. Will search every inch.

*Unlike his habbit the Dairy is left open on the floor near the cushion*

[Hellblazer]

Mulnari, Decilar 2, 1423

*he picks his journal up from the ground looking at it then his bed where it should be and shakes his head remembering he had not put it there.*

2 weeks. I've searched every inch of the mountains. 2 weeks worrying and looking for her night and day. Finally when I came back at Brenuh to get more provision, I overheard some dwarf saying that the tenant of the crypts had gone away with a young woman with pink hair.  

figures....:\\

I guess the snow storm I was in for the beginning of the trip covered the tracks of them getting back.
Well I'm back, relieved that she is safe. I missed her so much:( but I still haven't seen her. She found him.. I guess she forgot to send the bird that she said she would. Or, she did and no one told me. I guess I will find that out soon.

Well gotta shave, take a long overdue bath then try to be easy to find in case she is looking for me. I guess I'll wait at the stormcress.

[Hellblazer]

Tunar, Decilar 3, 1423

Well the fire is good,

I'm waiting, not doing anything for once. It's a big change of pace from the past few months. I'm waiting for her to come, the angel of my life.

While I was waiting I tried to open my mind more to let the shadows engulf me. But yet again, they come and stop then go back. I must say my concentration is lacking as of late, but with all that has been happening, it's quite normal.

I just wish to see her soon, I am missing her deeply, sweet Abi, her sweet smile and laugh.

While I was waiting, I had my real first talk with Eghaas. It was calm, open minded, although he kept reading all the time. We talked about Abi, how he came to be her uncle. About a dark elf name Saida. I don't think its the same person we apprehended me and Abi. About faith too and how if we go on preconception we can forget the person who is behind the faith or race. And Also about his faith.. I had more questions than anything really, but he answered some of them, in his way. It was a pleasant conversation.

Well, time to try again with the shadows while I wait for her. Sending her a bird would probably be a good Idea, but unfortunately my trip to find her, cost me the last funds I had.

*writes on the same page*

Well I just noticed a band of bandits trying to sneak back to their camp near the Stormcrest. I followed them and made sure they would not hurt anyone. Finding in the process enough gold to write to my angel.

[Hellblazer]

Threas, Decilar 5, 1423

I am still waiting for the angel that swept my heart to show up at the Stormcrest.

All there is here at the moment is the fire and all the shadows around me. I keep trying, concentrate, clear my mind, make them feel that I want to become one with them. They come to me, so close, so close. Yet still shy to cover me.

I must have talked to hundreds of the locals, asking them if they ever met a person name Nathalia or the guild of thieves. Either they do not know, or they are too afraid to say where to find them. Maybe both.

I'll keep searching.

[Hellblazer]

Tunar, Decilar 17, 1423

An other month has passed by and still I have not seen my pink haired angel, since she came back with her uncle.

It is unbelievable how much I have come to miss her, her presence, he smile, her giggle, her seldom touch, her voice speaking to me softly or not so softly depending on the occasion. I think I would rather have her mad  at me but by my side, than her not being here. It is now our sixth month together, but two of these, we have spent apart. I am starting to wonder if all is alright.

It gave me the time to keep searching for Nathalia and the guild of thieves, which I have yet to find trace, do some gathering and also condition my mind to greet the shadows and accept their presence over me, to project the want to be one with them.

Things are moving slow every where now... Every dya I hope to see her, but it is in vain.

[Hellblazer]

Freas, Decilar 20, 1423

No words, no news.

I'm writing this while the oat wort is boiling.  

I am mad and yet sad. I went and picked the halfling falcon trainer by the shirt and slammed him against the wall. He assured me on the head of his children that the falcon had returned without its message in his casing and that his falcon were never wrong before. It's only then that I saw them in the  door frame. I looked down and shook my head and apologized to the man. I even gave him 600 gold piece as compensation and I left.

After two weeks of her receiving the message, she still had not given me sing of life. No letters, no words saying she missed me but was detained by a duty or anything. No words from a friend saying the same.. nothing.

When I finally see her will I be happy? of course, but i will probably be mad too, for leaving me in the dark this way without knowing what was happening if she was alright. I miss and love her though and that's an undeniable fact. I guess she maybe doesn't care.

I wondering and maybe thinking to much. I just wish she would give me any sing of life.


//ooc the dates are a bit iffy I had not taken the time to verify the date using the time converter on lore. But all in all they seems to match with a little bit of play.

[Hellblazer]

Freas, Decilar 27, 1423

*Brian trashes around in his bed until he wakes up exhaling violently. He gets up and walks around in his room for a few minutes trying to compose himself. Then he picks his journal and sits on the cushions*

I had not dreamed of this for months, of my real father coming in the village and almost exterminating us all. OF seeing my adoptive mother almost cut in two by his sword.

*he stops and the ink starts to make a blob on the page.*

Why is it that I never see his face in my dreams or memories, only that his eyes are glowing gold?  It's the only piece I am missing.

I am unsure of my resolve regarding him anymore. With all that has been happening, my will to change to become a better man, even my views about how people should be put before faith to give them the chance to prove themselves and Abi. My intents that were so clear a few years ago are now clouded.

I don't know anymore.

Still no news from Abi, Nathalia or the guild of thieves. It seems that these three entities are avoiding me like the plague, in a way.

Melana thinks that Abi has just been to busy, so does Hunty and that maybe she had things to think about, that when she would finally be back all would be normal. I hope they are right but still A single note doesn't take an conquering marching army to write up.

"Patience little Njord, Patience, everything in small steps" as Dorlic would say.

*he lets the ink dry then closes the journal and goes back to bed*

[Hellblazer]

Threas, Jenra 5, 1424

*Njord comes in his room wobbly a bottle in his hand. As he comes in, he Kicks the cushion that he usually sits on to write his journal and throws the bottle on the wall. When he writes you can see he is heavily entoxicated as his hand writing goes every where on the page and is almost unreadable.*

furrious, yep furious

Here I am, me..little njord all worred avout her, madly worried.. getting sick of worrying.. sand then she come bak, see Eghaas the leaf wacker . no letters.. see blake a week ago he sais.. no lettres. Yep.. been fooooled again. plaid. should have known.. can't trust sanyone.

Sure they all laughin now seeingme. Well won't laugh for long..

gone will be little njord gone. Lake.. bye bye

*he opens an other bottle dropping some of it on the book as he stumbles trying to get up. When he finally succeed, he leaves, leaving his room door open. His book carried with him by the cover*

[Hellblazer]

Satari, Jenra 14, 1424

Ow my head!

I woke up, my head splitting, throbbing, hurting.. Slowly my eyes opened and focused on a falcon standing on my chest poking and pulling at my lips trying to wake me up, their bleeding, I guess he tried for a long time.

I looked around and saw many emptied bottles on the ground. Finally after quacking in my ears and keeping poking at me, dancing from leg to leg on my chest, I noticed a message.

I took it and read it, but the bird staid there looking strangely at me. As if it either wanted me to feed him, make sure i read the letter or write an other letter.

It was a letter from Abi, she finally found a quill, and three minutes to write to me....

She says she is sorry for not writing when she came back, for not seeing me when she came back but that so many things had happened that she had to put all of it together. And if not to be expected.. that she would be gone again for a while. A hunt.. she can't tell me where. Apparently just sending this is putting her in danger.  I guess I could take this as a sign that she cares, somewhat.

The bird was still there quacking furiously at me. So I wrote her a reply.

Abi,

I awaited news from you for months and I heard you had seen other people but not even wrote to me once in that time. I can not say that I am happy, although receiving this letter shows you didn't totally forget about me.

Be safe will you?
the one who still loves you even if he is mad.
Brian  

I folded the message and placed it in the message case that is tied on the bird. He still staid there goggling at me and jumping on my chest. I didn't understand why until he went down toward my leg and bit at a gashing wound that was starting to get infected.

I yelled out of pain and he looked at me quacking. I gave him a piece of cheese then finally he left with the message. Now that I looked at my hands, Abi will receive a message with blood stains on it.

I got up as painful as it was, and started a fire. I left my blade in it until it was searing hot then left it to cool. When it was cool enough I scrubbed the infected skin out. I had forgotten how painful this was. Teaches me to run drunk. With the rest of one of my bottles I spilled the hammer bock on the wound and heard the sizzling of the alcohol disinfecting my wound. This time I yelled so loud that the birds in the trees flew away in masses. While I was doing that I had put my blade back in the fire. It was glowing red again. I looked at it, then my wound and back at it again, apprehending the pain and stench this would do, not mentioning the scar. I took a piece of wood and put it in my mouth, then rapidly I pressed the burning sword straight on my wound. I heard the frizzle then I guess, I passed out.

I woke up and I was in the Miranet it self, the tenant had heard my scream and rushed out. There was an elf woman, a healer, there that did wonders, the scar that I should have had was almost gone. They told me to rest here for a few days and when I looked at the chair beside the bed I saw they had fixed my armor. I also realized that I was naked under the blanket. I turned red immediately and she giggled.

"I'm a healer, I have seen many things."

Was her only words before she left the room with the others, giving me a wink as she got out.

My head is still throbbing after the few days I staid. I drank so much, I remember when I left hempstead.. but I don't remember getting here nor how I got injured. My leg is totally healed now. If they had not healed me, I would still be limoing around painfully. I think it's time I go back now.

She wrote, at least its that.

[Hellblazer]

Wedlar, Jenra 18, 1424 *in a very shaky hand writing*

I have spoke to Melana and Blake in the last few days. Both have said they would help me with my problem. They will try to keep me away from the bottle as much as they can, the rest is up to me.

Due to the tremors, all I can do is collect things and even that is hard. I can not hold my swords properly, I lack in strength and agility, my whole body aches. In a lot of ways, it is better that my love is far away for now. I would not want her to see me in this state.

I just hope that by the time she comes back, I will have gotten through with this.

Also this does not help in my search for Nathalia and the guild of thieves. I have expended once again my search, and I am now looking and asking even on dregar. I stay as far away from the cities that I know the Syndicate to be implanted in.  On that note I have not received any words from Abi's father. He should have gotten the information I sent him by now.

Drinking was such an idiotic thing to do..

[Hellblazer]

Sunra, Jenra 22, 1424

For the last couple of days I have staid mainly on Dregar, collecting and searching for Nathalia and the guild of thieves.  Unlike Mistone the people here seems are a little more talkative. Go figure with all that has been happening here I would think they would keep more to themselves. Some say they have heard of the name but did not know from where, even noticed some rubbing their figures as if expecting a reward. Others seem to want to talk, but keeps silent even if I do offer them some gold piece.

The tremors are getting worse.. it's harder than the first time I had stopped drinking. But since I am on the run always running from a place to an other, I don't have time to stop and buy more liquors. And when I do its to eat sleep and meditate. At least that is back to normal, I have regained the control over my mind I had lost and once again the shadows come to me but as always they shy away just when they are about to touch me. I did notice something fascinating today, The way the shadows dance, even if for people it seems to be responding to the light source, I have noticed that some of the shadows seems to move as if they were answering each other movement. Maybe this is how they communicate in this realm.

How long has it been since I have felt her hand.. seen her smile.. I lost count of the days, to long. They say that time apart can make people grow fonder of each others. Some also say that love with big distance can not work. I hope this is not the case.. but I guess only time will tell. I would write to her again, tell her in better words to be careful, than what I think I remember writing. Actually I kinda hope that the falcon got shot down by a hungry farmer or something, like this she wouldn't get this message where I'm pretty sure I sounded mad.. well I was.. it's the truth. Still am a little. I don't know why but I have the feeling that I am the last person on her list of people to see. Okay im dramatizing.. hopefully. Anyhow, "Patience little Njord patience, everything in smalls steps" Dorlic, I don't know if you ever realized that I have little patience? But I try.

I found a wounded man today in the field near Lor. As I was going to help him I noticed he had a Katia amulet around his neck. By instinct I stepped back but then I realized what I was doing. I was putting faith before the person. He was gravely wounded and needed help. The man is more important than misconception driven by the dogma which may as well be misread by a zealot who hated a person for personal gain.  It's going to take me a while before I finally let go of everything I was fed as a child. I never choose it, it was force on me with the fear of being casted away.

Anyhow the night is falling, better get a fire started and meditate practicing my mind for the day I am finally one with the shadows.

[Hellblazer]

Tunar, Febra 10, 1424

I saw abi,

I went in the craft hall for some reason, I had something to do but I forgot what it was.  I remember Dalia standing on top of one of the high shelf refusing to come down. Then I heard her voice.

I turn around and there she was repairing her armor.  I was stunned at firts then a bit mad. She started saying that it had been a few hard weeks. "Try months" came out of my mouth a bit rudely I have to say. She was surprised and started counting on her hands, even asked me if I was sure. "I stopped counting on mid third". She was even more surprised and said that id didn't seem that long, again my words went faster than reason "obviously".

I guess I had some frustrations that needed to come out, but did it had to be on her? Anyhow she noticed my tremors and slowly came to me and took my hands asking me what was wrong. I will not lie to her and I told her what had happened. That i was worried, then went looking for her, heard she and mr quantum had left the mountains, went back as fast as I could to hempstead, finding Eghaas who told me he saw her and she was well, but then no news and no Abi again. Told her that after a while, Blake had told me he saw her, and I that point I was had gotten furious and in a moment of stupidity went and took on the bottles I had found in the kobolds stash. I told her everything.. Maybe it was a mistake, but I do not feel like lying to her.

At first she was mad.. mad about Eghaas not telling me, she had spent time aiding her uncle after she found him and her and Mr Quantum had come back from the mountain. Then she explained everything that had happened on her side, how she had to help some people and then had to go with a group and stumbled on a dragon that was hurt and seemingly being used as a ritual or something. She told me that after she had came back she went again looking for more clues but the trail had went cold. Then she told me how much she loved the dragon isle, well all but the mosquitoes.

When she calmed down a bit, I gave her the gifts I had been holding for her for months. Surprisingly the apples were still fresh, but the flowers had dried out. Still she thought of the gift to be sweet. We kept talking for a time, well i asked question and she talked about what she had seen and all, she found cherry trees and it reminded her of her mom. There was a lot of smiling going on, grinning to. Finlay as she was talking I was still holding her hands, I slowly motion her to come closer which she did a little. I didn't want to push it knowing she was probably still mad.  At that point I told her that i was happy for two things. One that she wasn't eaten by the dragon and he second that she was back. I even told her there was something I was hoping that we would do soon, providing she did not have to leave again. I let her languish a bit, just enough for her to ask what it was. "watching you fish and me cooking it for you" She grinned and said she would like that but she had things to take care first. Laughing a bit she told me I could always watch her repair her armor. Which of course I did.:p

Finally she had to go see her father and I walked her to his guild hall.She hugged me and I hugged her back and we parted ways for now.

Knowing her she is probably still mad so I have some patching up to do. Even though, even if at first when I saw her I was a bit mad, I am still happy I got to see her again. And Like I said, I would rather have her be mad at me but present, than her not being there. hopefully she will not be mad at me for to long.

[Hellblazer]

*his hand writing is more determined than it ever was*

Sunra, Febra 22, 1424

Insecurities always insecurities,

To many changes to fast, her absence, what I thought I had perceived, my rash anger at a situation that wasn't there, me falling back to drinking. Only one night, but enough to completely destroy every thing.

She said she liked me a lot, but could not be the cause of my breaking down. She said that for now we had to take our time apart. For me to deal with my issues and become again the man she knew and liked.

I am a fool with no wisdom what so ever, but I am not dumb. I will face this head strong. I will regain what all that crushed me in the past months has stripped me of. I will do it for her, but truly I will do it for me. The desire to change was sparked by her, but even when she was not there I kept changing, getting a better man. I will become that rock on which she was able to support when she was in need. I will remove any fears that she might have about her being my downfall. She was not.. I was.

If it is to be, we will be together once again, if it is not to be, I will simply be a better man. One who had the grace to meet such a wonderful person as Abi.

But I am not giving up the hope that with this time apart we will find our way back together. I need to fight, I need to regain that spark, that inner  strength that I had. If not for her, than for me.

with this writing I make my resolve clear. I will be the one who I am meant to be. No crutches, no excuses.  Even the healer of Ilsare in Hlint agrees that the time apart might be what is needed. I understand now, that it is. It is for me to become better, stronger, someone to be dependable on in good and bad. Some one not moved by the small laps of time, or lack of mental strength.

I will conquer my losses, I will over come my weakness and I will kill it once and for all. I will never be weak enough, again to fall pray to my addiction. And even if I was troubled, broken, sadden. I will never fall back into it. The first time I stopped was by necessity. Now I do it to be free.

She kissed me before leaving me, this was all I needed, it kicked me, it wiped me awake. Watch me go world, watch me go Dorlic, Njord will rise again, he will be vigorous again, steady and now straight.

My name is Njord, future shadow dancers, I have came from hell and found peace, I have fallen to the abyss and now I will rise again. I am the only master of my destiny, the only master of my thoughts. I will not bow down to adversity. I will not falter to the one who cares for me.

[Hellblazer]

*his handwriting is barely readable as his tremors worsens*

Wedlar, Mar 11, 1424

The pain.. it's excruciating.. the tremors wont stop for more than a few hours at a time now, each time they get worse. I.. don't know what was in those ale I gto from the kobolds after killing the *the handwriten worsens as the shakes starts to take over him* .l.lot but Marcus may be riG..ht. I thinK I'm psoioned. I..t wasn't LIke  this th the first time.

need to find m.Arcus.

[Hellblazer]

Tunar, Apreal 10, 1424

I have been stranded on dregar for days with the pain. I t has subsided enough for me to start my way back. I feel so sick even now as i write, but the tremors and pain are manageable enough to walk and sneak past danger.

I miss Abi very much, but if I am to prove to her that she has nothing to fear, I must stay strong and keep on. I will have victory over this.. I must.

I must find Marcus.

[Hellblazer]

Freas, Apreal 13, 1424

Well I managed to get back to mistone and not a few hours there that I fall on Abigail and a bunch of people. I didn't want her to see me like this so I hide, but I did leave her a little present for her to find, which she did. Then here comes Saida again. Abi sniffed her out and ran after her, so did bear and Mr Caigh. I just couldn't let Abi get in trouble so I followed and when Saida was cornered thats when I showed myself. Abi yelled out my name in surprise but I staid focus on the task at hand.

We captured her once again and to finally get her to stop moving and gave her a kick on the side of the face and it cut her cheek. Mr.Caigh wasn't happy but it did the trick. Abi explained to him why she thought I did it. She is wrong tough, there was no revenge in that. I just wanted her knocked out cold. But with her saying that, it calmed Mr. Caigh a bit which is good.

We got Saida at a Luncidite temple, I can't believe the healer actually said to Saida she was now safe.. She is a murderer for haven sakes and they would be all gentle and cuddly to her? It didn't take long that I spoke my mind and of course it ticked the healer, fine by me if she wants to be mad, but she needs to know who she is dealing with and I think i got my point across.

Bear was a bit nosy though, a bit to much.. in the end I had to tell Abi what I understood the reasons for the quake. She was stunned and immediately said that we would have to find a cure. Later on she gave me a flower that has healing power and we talked a bit. She still needs time to sort her thoughts out and I still need time to regain that strength and heal completely. My body is a wreck but my mind is good, her body is good but her mind is a wreck. I guess thats a little irony. I told her I would be there when ever she needed me and I will. I need to show her she can count on me and trust me again.

It will take time due to how she is shaken by the events that happened to her. Good thing, I got lots of it.

[Hellblazer]

Sunra, Mai 15, 1424

I haven't seen Marcus yet and I am starting to worry. The pain, the tremors.. I think I will ask Mr Quantum for his help and Randi.

Speaking of her, we went on a trip not so long ago with bear, Ellis, and Lance. That guy needs a serious knee somewhere. The way he treats Randi, I am still wondering why she bothers to keep him around.

And this Ellis think that theres is good shadows. Never heard of such things, certainly not from either Kinai, J'ser or Hawklen. I think she will get a serious surprise, she thinks she can deal with them on her own tearm. I'll keep to my way, its longer, maybe duller, but at least I will not risk losing Abi even more.

If I could only find Marcus.. can't wait any longer even if he is the one I trust the most after Pink Tiger.