Into the shadows: Njord

[Hellblazer]

Tunar, Mai 24, 1426

Selfless.. that's what Kinai had said.

To forget who I am, to let go of everything that I held dear. To become selfless, void, only a shadow of the man. Trusting only myself as my only ally, alone but yet surrounded by the darkness as my only friend. To take everything from the inside and throw it out away, to forget everything of the outside and erase it from me. To keep the emotions away, locked, cold, alone, barely human, more from the darkness. I saw the light for a short time, it was Pain. I see the Darkness all around me engulfing me, I'm safe, alone but safe, cold but safe.

I take it all and lay it all before I close the door and disappear into the night. I am around, but no one sees me, I see them all, but they wont. I saw them both, at the magic tower perched over the sea on its high cliff. It didn't matter.

The one I was is gone, he died and was consumed.

[Hellblazer]

Wedlar, Junar 11, 1426

Coming back home but not feeling at home.

I have been so much away from here that nothing in here seems comfortable, I spent so much time in the deep dark places that being back is like being in the house of someone else.

I saw the notice of Muir that i was behind in payment and I left her the eggs I had, while cleaning my bag I stumbled on a crumbled piece of parchment, I thought I had thrown it out but it doesn't appear.

It's all the elven words I had learned while we were together in intimacy. Well it's a good thing I didn't throw them out, I still want to learn my ancestors language, doesn't really matter who taught them to me I guess, plus I'm sure they will turn out useful in the future.

The past few months we had spent with each other, she talked to me a lot in elven, at time it was really hard to get what she was saying, but with time it got easier and easier. Well no dwelling.

Where = Anirama
To = Ane
Welcome = Amacnyesa
Imagine = Esilvela
It = Ean
Would = ameycw
Have =   irilela
Hurt = Iryman
Poison = Tyeelael
Sorry = Laemma
Darling = Wilmecelv
Don't = Wel'an
Need = Laaw
Talk = Anilen
About = Ilfeyan
Difficult = Weooenyycan
Am = Ils
Not = Lean
Do = We
Know = Nleam
Anything = Illaanirelv
It's = Ean'la
A = Il
Bargain = Filmvilel
One = Ela

If I keep listening to people talk I'll pick up more words by simple deduction now that I have a pretty solid vocabulary. I'm no Moraken but I'm sure over the average Joe.

Well back to searching what I was hinted to after leaving an other box of eggs.

[Hellblazer]

Threas, Junar 26, 1426

*He gets up slowly trying not to make any noises in his room looking back at where he slept smiling contently, he takes his journal and sits on the cushions and starts to write.*

Time is of the essence,

The best course of action now, since I am unable to find the guild of thieves, is to find that shadowdancer and ask her to teach me what I am missing.  I suspect that finding her will not be easy and it will expose me a lot more to do so, but it's a risk I am willing to take.

There for I will be sending missives to my contacts, telling them of who I am looking for with as much information that I could muster. A woman shadowdancer, her size suggested a elf, wearing black and green armor with some paler color on it.

It's not much to go on, but it's the best I can do for now. I will also be posting notes in the inns and taverns for her to see that I am looking for her. Hopefully she will respond.

Well time to get going. First stop, Prantz.

[Hellblazer]

Sunra, Augra 8, 1426

Well it was a long trip through snow, ice, dirt, mud and sand, but the job is done. All the posters are up, in every town, outpost, camp and fort I could find and now it's up to her if she will be contacting me to teach me. I should have brought some gold cause now I have to take the long way around from North point to get back to Mistone, hehehe. I think I'll stop by and get some pears, apples and cherries on the way back.

Before, I wrote that I had seen them at the tower. I came back to that place to think, not really knowing why I did so, and she showed up. Before she did, I had seen a small silver necklace on the ground and that the grass was bent. I knew it was hers, having taken it off her once before.  She came by Invisible but I could hear her. It took her a while but she finally came out of her illusion by my side. Straight away, she got on the offensive, lashing out at me, taunting me for a reaction. She didn't like that I had become cold, disconnected, almost not caring. But in the end, what's really important is that we are back. I will still be cold and untouched by other, one step away from my emotions, but I will let her see through my appearances. The Shadowdancers are cold, but they are not void of warmth and unfeeling. And so I will be the same, just harder for others to see.

We have spent a lot of time together since then, traveling to the forest of Folian... funny thing, Sallaron was there with that Valeria who had been derisive to me in the past. I couldn't help but to stand there listening to them, hidden. It was interesting and I let him know, in a way, that someone was there. I am sure this could be a very interesting situation with Tegan... if she knew. But I am leaving him a choice to do the right thing for his son, if he doesn't... it will be by his own fault.

 In any case, I digress. She even taught me a method of relaxation that is close to revery. In there, in what she taught me, I can keep my emotions and the baggage I do not need locked in a box, and go back to them when I need them. It was amazing how it felt, I could imagine myself surrounded by the darkness as if I was down in a cave, even the coldness on my skin, I could feel.

She was worried that by going to the shadows I would come back and forget all about her about how I felt. I Had to show her what I can partly do, for her to understand that It's not me going but the shadows coming. It quelled her fears somewhat. And then we went back to my place, still taking it slow in some aspect.. we were careful no one would hear us. I will be her light house to guide her home when she needs time on her own and she will be the light to guide me home when I am in the darkness.

For the month or so we were traveling her and I she taught me a lot of elven too, pretty soon I will be able to speak without problem.

Morning = Semlelv
Well = Amacc
Sleep = Lacaaty
Slept = Lacaatyan
And = Illw
Sure = Layma
Might = Seviran
Have = Irileta
No = Le
Very = Elama
Much = Synyir
Like = Cena
The = Anira
Others = Eaniramla
Still = Laanecc
Getting = Vaananelv
Used = Ylaaw
Them = Aniras
They = Aniraa
Seem = Laaas
Bit = Fean
Cruel = Nymyac
Cannot = Nyillean
Their = Anirean
Must = Sylaan
Upon = ytyel
But = Fyan
Significance = Laevleoenyillnya
Did = Wew
Grasp = Vmillaty
Merely = Samaca
Perhaps = Tyamiriltyala
Prefer =Tymaoam
Got = Vean
Rid = Mew
Mine = Sela
For = Oem
Was = Amilla
Suppose = Laytytyelaa
Relationship = Macilaneellairty
Patient = Tyilanealan
Choice = Nyireenya
Mask = Silmnla
Some = Leasa
Man = Sill
Depends = Watyalwla
Glad = Vcilw
Your = Aeyn
Reason = Maillael
Who = Amire
On = El
Me = Sa
Past = Tyillaan
Always = Ilcamilala
This = Anirela
Precise = Tymnanelaa
Nature = Lilanyma
Empty = Astyana
Since = Laelnya
Can = Nyill
Again = Ilvilel
Satisfying = Lailanelaoaelv
Self = Laaco
Ask = Illan
Light = Cevira
Every = Aelama
Jasmine = Qwillasela
Alright = Ilcmeviran
Amazing = Ilsiljelv
That = Anirilan
Day = Wila
Perfect = Failyaneoyc
Shall = Lairilicc
Most = Selaan
Guide = Vyewala
Try = Anma
Backrub = Filnynmyf
Tell = Anacc
Be = Fa
Home = Iresa
Were = Amama
concur = Nyelnyym
Massage = Sillalailva

She also taught me that when you put something in plural you had to add La to the end of it like friend Omealw would become Friends Omealwla.

and that for some words the past tense will finish with an like slept is Lacaatyan but for most of the words the past tense would have a aw at the end like kissed Nilalaaw

feww my fingers hurt with writing this much.

Well back to more of this meditation before I leave in the morning from this snowy place.

[Hellblazer]

Satari, Seplar 14, 1426

*only a few words are written on this page, each letters seems pressed and lingering*

Amecc ean aelam alw?

[Hellblazer]

Sunra, Oclar 15, 1426

Well, I have finally met with the guild of thieves..

All business, which I like, but then came the hard part. If I join them, I basically belongs to them, I refuse a job, I die. Sounded a lot like the Syndicate. Never the less i did the pledging and then she stabbed me with a blade in the heart that is still there, but the hilt was in her hand after that. She said I had three days to come back on my decision, after that I am in for life.

At that point there was still no real problem.. until she gave me my first task. I have to find someone and give him pain, hurt him and ultimately kill him.. that someone is Bear. If I wanted to. I know I could kill him easily, he would never hear me or see me come. But the fact is.. that would make me like my real father, a cold blooded murderer.. a monster..

It's not like Bear is my best friend or even a friend.. I don't know where to place him.. but one thing is for sure I am not like my father. There has to be an other way to achieve my dream without doing that, without becoming him.. I have to find it. I thought I could kill him, but.. I can't not like this, not in cold blood.

My only other solution is to find that shadowdancer.. still no news from the posters I have put up.

Quilacca, E selala aey, fa lailoa sa ceela

*puts the quill down and blows on the pages. he closes the journal and stairs into the fireplace.*

[Hellblazer]

*Takes his quill back up and write*

The blade.. in my chest.. it's gone.

[Hellblazer]

Sunra, Decilar 22, 1426

Well I found her.. rather she found me,

Was walking near castle mask and I saw the shadows converging on me almost covering me but they stopped and staid there invitingly, so I stepped in them and after the initial suffocation i was led to somewhere in castle mask.  There she was, the shadowdancer I was looking for, Lalaith's her name. We both talked of our past, and then she put me in a mise en situation. When I answered her she told me I had told her the right answer, the she talked more about her past. Like me she had a choice to make about her father. She forgave him.. I don't know if I can do that. But I am not looking for him anymore so I guess it's the same.  She has agreed to teach me and will enter in contact with me soon.

*a dot of ink is seen as if the quill lingered in this spot* I got splinters all over my body. She says she want it to remain unknowned, but yet doesn't restrain to be close to him publicly ... *the ink trails off a bit* True we had a major event though.. Not to sure what to think about that.. well see. At least she is more sure and assertive of herself.

[Hellblazer]

Sunra, Jenra 8, 1427

My training with Lalaith are going along at the pace of a cheetah, which is good because who would have guessed... Now that things seems to go my way, some numbwitt has to try and spoil it up. Well to bad for him, he chose the wrong mark. They wanted to turn me into a prey, I will make them the prey.

If it is who I think it is? The deal will be off and i will make their life a living hell.

[Hellblazer]

Satari, Febra 7, 1427

well My training with Lalaith continues, she shows me how to fight within the comfort of the shadows, to move in and move out, to evade using the shadows to conceal me. I think I'm getting the hang of all  of this, and the shadows seems to be watching me, watching my progress.

I went and showed her a few things for her to help me with my little problem, with her help and the rest.. we should get to the bottom of this quickly.

I am more now even more determined in getting those who may be trying to get to me... or it maybe my love that is being targeted, she showed me a letter sh has received. Coming for me its one things, going after her.. their asking for it.

In any case I expanded the search and included the aid of an unlikely ally. She has many connection that maybe able to shade some light on this.

[Hellblazer]

*his handwriting is of one made in haste and anger*

Wedlar, Apreal 25, 1427

So much has happened as of late. TO much...

For every step forward there had to be two backward. I will be patient, I will be there. But the lies... I sometime tings i am being judged an idiot. I have become somewhat good at reading them now, sometimes I wish I had not.

In better news though, Dorlic you would be proud of me. I had this dream.. intriguing, enticing.. well I better write it down before I totally forget about it.

When I closed my eyes to sleep that night I first dreamt of the skies. Low on the horizon a sinking sun sets behind the hill tops, the shadows beginning to lengthen around me.
 
Soon when the great volatile orb disappeared beyond the hill tops, slight darkness cames to take the sky just before 1000 tiny stars speckled the night and I found myself walking in the lover's moonlight beneath the brightly shining Ausir.
 
The shadows stirred restlessly around me, I could feel their call. I listened and reached for them, and then they settled as if tauntingly ignoring my touch.
 
With a heavy head and a heavy heart I pressed on in my walk, soon everything faded to blackness around me, until entirely surrounded in the darkness. This dream of shadow.
 
Suddenly standing at a crossroads I saw a visage in a fiery light. My elven love. Down the other path darkness awaits and the shadows call to you tauntingly, offering great promise.
 
But in this dream, I did not choose.
 
Instead I awakened in cold sweat with slightly heavier heart and the knowledge that the rift between the desires of ones heart will haunt me slightly as one can never quite truly put their entire self into two entities. Though I put most of it into both and for now that seems to be enough.
 
When I gained the consciousness of thought after I awaken, I started to hear the shadows whisper, their call, though faint, shows promise.
 
Quietly the darkness lingers around my form, everything that Lalaith taught me became a bit more clear and I felt more whole within this shadowed darkness than ever before. Without her guidance and connection to the shadows it may have been near impossible to forge my own.
 
But, now... The shadows speak, they teach, and through my patience I became that which I sought for so many years.
 
As if with some former sight and knowledge that this moment was coming, a note was blindly slipped into my pack. My hand came across it while looking for some food and I read it

*pinned on the page the letter is opened*

Take not for granted the gifts the shadows grant, but, embrace the ability within yourself and you will continue to improve as a Shadowdancer.

~Lalaith

I am one with them and they are one with me. It was a great news I wanted to share with her, but something had happened with the other and it marked her and she seemed sad and distant. And now today...

*the letters seems more pressed as the ink widens with each one*

She came by my place almost crying, I asked her what was happening, if there was something wrong and she lied to me saying there was nothing wrong, yeah right. And when I asked if she wanted to come in my room she lied again saying that she only came for the portal, but I knew... I KNEW! Not even a week after I told her I preferred the truth, no matter how it could hurt, than Lies, and she lies to me twice in less than a minute. I went in my room emptied what I had just picked up for her. I almost thought of burning them, but I didn't. Then when shew wasn't there apparently, either she took the portal just to make me look as a fool or she left. I picked enough food and clothing for a few days. And so here I am, in this place I know not about, except that I was once told there were sharks here, vicious ones. I don't see any.

*Puts the quill away and dries the page before putting his own journal away then start looking for the sharks again.
 

[Hellblazer]

Sunra, Junar 8, 1427

I spent a week there looking for the sharks and came back. She as still no where to be found until we met at the card emporium. It was a bit rough at first, I was still mad at her for lying to me, but then she showed me a letter, and I understood a lot of what had happened. I couldn't be mad at her anymore for that, as she was obviously very affected and she was trying to protect herself.

We talked at the emporium for a long time, and one thing she said took me straight to heart.

"I wished I had met you before him, or that you were the one I met that night in Vehl instead of him."


She loved him very much, But she sees things in me that makes her wished that. And I told her what I thought was important was:

"It's not when or where or after how many, It's that we did. who you met before, Is not important to me, what is important to me is that you are here,and that we can share this path of our life together. When you accepted me in your life, it's not all of them you did, but me, the same is true for you."

She said that it was easier for me to forget them, forget the woman of my past. But truly I only had more practice, but some had been harder than others. The trick was thatknowing that many bright and beautiful things will happen to you in the future, is what makes it easier to bare. She said I sounded like Arkolio.. she knows Ark.. it shook me up somewhat in a way I would never had Imagine.. Arkolio tales had reached us even in point dart, a legend of sort, one I had aimed for a long time to best. She saw it and told me he was only a man. For some reasons I think there is more behind that, even more when she told me he bought her a drink at an in. There is so many things she keeps to herself, it is hard sometimes, part of me is crying out to me to find out, but I have to be strong.

She had to meet her client again, I can't say it's very wise for her to put herself into such a state each time she sees him, but she says she can handle it and she needs the business he brings her. She even offered me a gift the other day, a third circle enchantment for my swords. We had talked about it previously and I was a little uneasy to receive such a gift. She didn't take it that well at first, I guess she thought I was refusing her gift. But I tried to explain to her as best I could she seems to have understood. None the less this is something precious. I will order a set of Adamantium short sword where I will set it on one of them, the other will have a fire of the third circle.

That day we went to travel a bit on Dregar, found a party, strange night, Randi was there so was Ellis, Malkor, who is just a blast to travel with. Things where tense though, Randi was refusing to heal me at first. Ellis was to much quiet and uncomfortable each time she looked at her, and there was a lot of whispering in between the three of them. Finally at one point Ellis just left, followed by her supposed lover. Back in the fog forest cave I fell there, a hard blow that I didn't see come at all. When I got back the group had went away So I prayed at my site and as they got back I noticed her coming out of Invisibility. I think she had stayed by where I had fallen, she looked shaken and relieved when she saw me whole. I don't know what happened in between the moment I fell and the relics snatched me to them. When we went out of the cave, Randi passed a comment while I was resting that made her uneasy enough that she went away unseen. I didn't hear what it was but I followed her tracks and found her in Vale. We talked there for a little while about what just had happened. And in the end when we were going back to our lake, she stopped me and asked me if there was some truth in what Randi told her. I told her that Randi had no idea of what she had went through, of how she had grown into a more assertive woman, full with potential, and intelligent. That Randi couldn't possibly know and was still thinking out of her knowledge of the past. I think she understood as it seemed to have lifted her spirit. When made our way to our lake, where we have been here for the past couple of days now. Talking, holding each others. Sharing ourselves. I'm taking the moment to write this as she is resting leaned against me, looking peaceful. It's when we hove these moments together, that makes all the rest; the heartaches, the headaches, the tribulations and fights, worth it. Maybe in time Randi will understand that she had me figured out wrong, maybe not. It's not important to me, but it may be to her, well see what happens.

*He looks at her resting against his chest and whispers softly to her*

"You broke through my defenses, you broke through my facade. You swayed my heart and keep it prisoner of you. But despite all of what has happened, I do not wish to break free. E ceela aey."

*Lets the ink dry and closes his journal and puts it back into his pack making sure he doesn't wake her.*

[Hellblazer]

Sunra, Jular 8, 1427

It's been sometime now since I have seen Jaelle. She was resting on me when I received words of an impending order of mine, and I had to go and fetch what I needed for it to be done. I left her a note saying I would see her soon, but a bit more than a month has passed now.  In that time I have manage to get part of the order I wanted, hopefully I will get the other part soon, which also includes a gift for her.

During that time though, I met with some people to help a newly made widow. Her husband and son was killed by a beast. If it wasn't for the son, I would not have gotten involved. She was really distraught, which didn't help me to stay away.

In any case, we made our way to the farmer who could lead us where it had happened, and then Abigail started to act  foolishly again, untaught and uncaring of herself and the others. Without letting us time to properly form a plan she started to fire and cast on a huge group of trolls. They weren't that strong but we didn't have the time to assess that and it could have been disastrous.

After we defeated them, we found a troll that talked to us about his boss a dragon, and that he was ordering them not to eat the animals of the place, animals that were no where to be found at that time. But the troll was scared and wanted us to tell the dragon that they had not.

We made our way to the cave but there was this humongous bear that was at least 20 feet wide in size. One of the troup decided to try and talk with him, but Arynne saw that the bear was not the same way as she had seen him previously, it was to late though as the druid, a drow, was slashed into pieces by the enormous claws of the bear.

*sighs as his quill stays on the page making a spot*

Again Abi reacted without even thinking for a moment, she started to attack the bear. That was a hard fight, many were badly injured myself included on of the bear hit gave me an open fracture of the forearm. But then she started to force herself to cut the heart out of the dead beast, even though many people were telling her not to so they could study why it was changed. But she kept being stubborn like a 5 years old. Alleina had her sword drawn on her, Arynne was trying to push her away and Sasha was trying to restrain her, but still she kept going. I had to get involved and piratically knock her cold, reminding her about Saida and intimidating her into listening. But even then she was still acting up and now was mad at me for telling her some truth about her. I didn't care as long as she learns something.

She needs to learn to listen to those who has a lot more experience than her, else she will get herself killed and all those she is with to. Which is what almost happened then. But she doesn't care. She says she does, but how she acts shows exactly the opposite. I had to tell her that if she didn't care about herself to think of Bear and how he would feel when she would permanently be taken away.

Later on we finally went into the cave where we found Jaigan dead. I checked the room that he was in and i couldn't see a thing but I could hear clearly a long and steady heavy breathing. Something big was in there. We tried to parlé with it but it didn't want to listen and as me and Arynne were leaving, as he ordered us, he attacked and killed us. The rest is what I was told. Abigail rushed in a couple of time, getting herself killed three times, the last time putting a few of them in danger. They had to slay the dragon, that turned out to be an illusion. What happened to the real dragon is only speculation at this time.

Abi is to reckless for her own good and for those around her. I met with Bear and told him what has happened. He will try to get her thought pattern. But truly and as I told him, I don't think there is any, she reacts without thinking through. She might listen to him, if not I pity him, because he will find himself with a woman he loves gone for ever snatched from him at a young age. For me, I am just about to wash my hand of her well being if she keeps it up.

A few days later I met with Chiara in Leringuard. I was about to leave for a run in Krashin alone when I met her at the docks. She joined me and we had a bit of fun at the expense of the Kobolds. At some time we went to rest a bit and heat ourselves up and we talked about how things were going. The fact that the last time she saw me I was sad. We started to talk abit about it and she had a song about it. A song, one not sung but told, in front of a fire. She sad it looked a little bit like what I was living.

A song, told as a story of a sea elf who loved to men,  sea elves too, One of them a fierce warrior, fearless with trident in hand, the other a gentle Shindalerian cleric, caring and affectionate. The woman feels torn, like her heart is a strand of kelp, pulled in two directions with the waves.  She fears it will snap and break, so she flees the community and the cleric and warrior are distraught. They are set adrift with their grief, and they pursue her separately. Although the warrior is the better scout, the cleric finds her first,  and as is the case in many such ballads, he finds her just in time .... For she is cornered among some rocky outcrops by a shark! But the cleric, though he has little skill with a trident, bravely rushes in he heals her wounds and sends her away, and turns to face the shark. She watches from a forest of seaweed nearby, biting her lip nearly hard enough to draw blood. The cleric tries to fend off the shark, but he is no match for it, and he is surely doomed.  But just then ... The warrior! Yes, the warrior comes, he distracts the shark, and the cleric has the chance to flee with the woman.

 There are several versions to the ending, depending on where you learn the song

the first, the one I guess all loves best, the warrior slays the shark and takes the teeth and makes a necklace and gives it to the woman and a cleric as a wedding gift, for he sees by the cleric's desire to sacrifice himself for the woman that their love is strong.

the second and one that made me very uncomfortable that I didn't let her sing the tune as she said she would do after telling me the song as a story.

The warrior falls in battle and the woman mourns for him forever, though she finds some solace in the cleric's love for her

...

[Hellblazer]

Tunar, Jular 17, 1427

I  have seen here a few times since the last time I wrote in my journal. She sometimes stays for the night, sometimes not, but in the morning, when she does, she is always gone. Up until now, nothing seems to make her feel better, not even my little silliness at times, and she is still distant.   Curse you Hardragh, you and all of yours. I don't know what to do to help her, but to leave her time to be, and it pains me to see her this way.

[Hellblazer]

Satari, Oclar 28, 1427

What is harder. fighting pirates and Dragon, or the heart of a woman??? I found her sitting alone under the rain on the little island near Leringuard. I walked over to her and sat.  What I found out was mind tearing, it sliced through my heart in ways I could never had imagined, I couldn't hear the voice I love. Her pain, he exasperation as to not be able to communicate with me, all of it were taking it's toll on her and It pained me deeply,. It shredded through my heart as a dragon claw Someone would pay for this, But I promised... We shared at this moment our pain as never I had done before. But.. through the night of her writing and me talking, it came to a moment where I told her I didn't understand her reaction to the flower, and so I sought guidance to someone I thought I could trust, and as usual not lied to Jaelle about it. But Jaelle .. I never saw her this way at all, her face.. it went cold so cold and she went away. I tried to explain and to apologize to her but she wouldn't listen and she is gone. Gone for a month, gone for a year gone for ever? I don't know. I hope not. She's like the air someone breath, once you get to that point, she gets into you and you suffocate if she is not there.

For now.. for now.. I go on, I keep pushing on, trying to be strong. Hoping that she will come back when she is ready.

[Hellblazer]

Wedlar, Decilar 25, 1427,

Almost two months since the last time I have seen Jaelle, I haven't had the strength to do much, did some killing but since... I feel I'm losing it. I had to let go, trying to hold her back at that moment would have been worse. But.. I feel like she's gone for good. I don't know if she is... I truly hope not.. but the more I go on, the darker I get. I think I took to heart what she said, that she would be the light to guide me back from the shadows. I haven't seen anyone for a while now. The last I saw was Chiara, bear and two others I didn't even care of their name. I could see the worries in both Bear and Chiara. I know she talked to Bear of why I was like this, she knows. It kinda stung but I know she tried to do something to help me. I don't know if I want to be helped, I guess all I want is to be back with her. I would welcome her combustions anytime but to miss her this much...

*stops writing and just leaves the journal open on his bed leaving the room.*

[Hellblazer]

Threas, Jenra 5, 1428

*Comes back and takes his journal from the bed.*

Well that long visit to the cave appeased me somewhat. Gave me time to thinks about some things, Like Chiara. She's a good friend, a confident, but what will Happen if Jaelle comes back. Jaelle seemed to move to a path that would make Chiara her enemy. If she does come back, I will have to take my distance from Chiara, she just a friend nothing there but that. Keep my emotions hid within the darkness of the shadows... That's what I have to do.

In the mean time, I will fill up my crates for her, one last time . If she comes and picked them up and we talk and mend things I will keep filling them up. If she comes and pick them up but nothing happens. It will be that last time. If she doesn't pick them up, I will consider selling them after some time.

*Takes his journal and puts it back into his pack.*

[Hellblazer]

Satari, Febra 7, 1428

I can't sit idle anymore, my heart is screaming for her and screaming for me to go and find her. I know this may not be the best thin to do, but I must. So I am looking, where we used to go most often, were we went only a few times. I have not seen her yet but I will keep looking.

[Hellblazer]

Mulnari, Febra 23, 1428

I am back home only for a short while, to resupply get some new clothes. I have checked and seen that the crate in my room had not been touched, not even opened *resets his lookout*.   As of yet, the places I have looked for, she had not been there, I will make more passes and will camp at a few of the places she gathers.

The question I have to ask myself is, if I find her, what do I do, what do I say? Do I even show myself to her or do I just make sure she is alright? By trying to find her I am risking to lose her more, am I willing to go that far and truly risk her never coming back?

[Hellblazer]

Sunra, Febra 23, 1428

I went out for an hour or so to go buy some supplies and when I came back, the room was filled with candles, the bath was producing hot steam, the fire was lit and there she was sitting in front of it, lit by the candles and the fire place reading a book. She looked up when she heard my door open and I was stunned to see her there. I came closer to her and sat and for a while there was this strange silence, where we would only glance at each other.

I spoke first, apologizing for what had happened and asking her if she could forgive me. There was no answer at first. But as the eve kept going we started to talk more. She isn't sure what love is anymore, I'm sure with time she will be able to recognize it, with time. Patience, not pushing; never have I tried to change her or fix her and so I will not again. I merely showed her paths when she asked for them. And so I will again, and this is something she wanted to know and I told her. I always accepted her for who she was, and came to love her for who she was, this has not change.

We shared a long moment together, started tenderly but soon both our passion and our miss for each other made it self known. Throughout this moment I could feel her passion, her trembling, he vulnerability. I went slow  letting her choose to pull back, but she did not. We staid in each others arms for some time afterwards until she let o and started to make her self more presentable. I was struck by her presence and beauty even in such a small gesture as to rearrange herself. She has me under her spell that is for sure.

We sat again by the fire for a little while, I tried to make her laugh a bit with some rhymes, she smiled but it was the same kind of laugh as when I gave her the flower so I knew not to push. At that point she wanted to go, said she had somethings to do. There is more but I wont push for it.

Patience, time and just being there for her. The rest hopefully the heart will work it out and we will be able to share what we had before this few months apart.

She is back, on her own terms.