Author Topic: 64 Reasons not to Watch Dungeons and Dragons (Read 780 times)

lonnarin · « **on:** December 08, 2006, 02:46:50 am »

Just came across the page. As one who threw popcorn at the screen and shouted obsceneties at the credits, twas a righteous hoot!

http://www.fryingbear.com/articles/d&d1.php

"In what can only be described as the worst movie made in the past decade, Dungeons & Dragons will leave you begging for mercy.

Hands down, the biggest contributor to the demise of this movie was the script. It was litterally the most insulting, inane dialogue I have ever been treated to in a movie.

Props arrive next in an extremely close second. The 35 Million dollars used to make this film must have been used on late night taco runs, because the quality of the props is abyssmal. The "prized artifact" of the movie looks like it fell out of a box of cracker jack, while some of the armor and backgrounds are straight out of the Bargain Bin at your local toy store. Better attempts at fantasy film making have been shot on camcorders across the globe in people's back yards.

The acting was terrible all around. The few, and I mean FEW, attempts at serious dialogue were crushed by the worst script ever. The only remotely cool character in the entire proceeding was Demadar, who was still pretty goofy. I guess if I was 8 or so, I might have thought he was creepy. The notably great actors in this film should have balked the moment they saw the script/quality of filming, and their presence on the screen only adds to the insult.

Th producers of this movie should be ashamed of themselves. Hundreds of thousands of loyal D&D fans have been waiting for over 25 years for a great, inspiring movie from their hobby. D&D has a prodigious level of material written about it, and any one of it's 100+ books would have made a better movie if read aloud by Pee Wee Herman.

This horror show of a movie will no doubt ensure the demise of a great hobby in the public eye for at least the next 10 years. Any potential fan of the game will be unable to forget this awful movie experience. Consider yourself warned, and never, EVER see this movie." -IMDB review

Please Eragon... please be my next obscure Willow classic! LOTR was AWESOME... but I need something non-cannon to keep me on my toes plotwise!

FlameStrike · « **Reply #1 on:** December 08, 2006, 04:45:46 am »

Oh how i have to agree with you, i rented the DVD and watched it at home... At that time i wasn't really much of a DnD fan but i thought, what the heck it might be cool.

The result: worst waste of 2.50 Euros and one hour or so of my life, ever. -.-'

OneST8 · « **Reply #2 on:** December 08, 2006, 05:26:12 am »

I actually have seen both part 1 & 2 (the latter being a made-for-tv movie with only Demadar in it from the original) and only discovered part 2 due to a fan site of the original movie except it really wasn't so much of a "fan of the movie" site but rather it amounted to a "this movie sucked large rocks but Demadar was so cool I had to make this website and guess what the Sci-Fi channel is making a TV movie featuring Demadar! Yay!".

Ugh. Yeah, glutton for punishment. I watched it too.

While I won't say that these movies are "the acme of pathetic", I will say that "I have seen worse".

Like Gerry.

Now THAT was a horrible movie. 103 minutes of walking through a desert with two guys, both named Gerry.

At least with the D&D ones you had something to laugh at. In fact I'd call the D&D movies "positively entertaining" when compared to Gerry.

Sadly, I must admit though that I own copies of all of the above movies.

How pathetic is that? heh

Rayenoir · « **Reply #3 on:** December 08, 2006, 05:50:37 am »

I can't really be the only one who thought the movie was hilarious. If you look at it from the perspective of "I'm watching a group of D&D geeks playing a game overacting around their dining room table," then it makes so much sense... I swear, it does.

Pseudonym · « **Reply #4 on:** December 08, 2006, 06:03:05 am »

I swear I have never been more disappointed in a movie than when I saw D&D *sighs* . . . . well, not since Highlander II anyway!

Lilswanwillow · « **Reply #5 on:** December 08, 2006, 06:10:41 am »

ya know.. I have the first movie.

my 5 year old thinks its the best movie EVER.

hehe

lonnarin · « **Reply #6 on:** December 08, 2006, 06:24:15 am »

Show him Neverending Story I, and Willow. THOSE will set him straight!

Filatus · « **Reply #7 on:** December 08, 2006, 06:50:30 am »

Ohh man, Neverending Story. Good memories that.

forsettii · « **Reply #8 on:** December 08, 2006, 07:50:16 am »

Um guys....

http://imdb.com/title/tt0084314/

Mazes and Monsters was the Original "D&D" movie. Way before Tom Hanks was Famous.

LordCove · « **Reply #9 on:** December 08, 2006, 08:12:51 am »

Yup....I remember that One....guy think's he's got a flying Spell or something right at the end don't he?

But yup....D & D was rubbish.

I still quite like the Disney "DragonSlayer" and of course....Willow. 13th Warrior's a bloody good adventure film too.

Shadowblade225 · « **Reply #10 on:** December 08, 2006, 09:03:48 am »

Loved Willow, loved Neverending story. Never saw the DnD movie, but I think cause of this I'll avoid it. I don't hold out high hopes for Eragon, but hopefully I'll be pleasantly surprised. I think until a truly well structured movie comes out based on perhaps FR, where the script, acting, special effects, etc... are good...man will that ever happen?...but alas, until it does the DnD lover will continually be relegated as a source of mocking amusement to much of society barring their own social circle of all things related to Medieval fantasy and SciFi.

On a brighter note, despite continual dispute with respect to rights or laws and money owed, most likely much of the original cast (and Director - where the dispute is) should be on board for "The Hobbit". I'm looking forward to that one. Let's hope it all pans out and the movie gets filmed with the appropriate original LOTR cast.

J-ser · « **Reply #11 on:** December 08, 2006, 05:12:37 pm »

I doubt Eragon will be any good, but I'm still going to see it.
I've never even heard on the DnD movie, but now I have to watch it. And Gerry too.

Thunder Pants · « **Reply #12 on:** December 08, 2006, 05:44:42 pm »

hands down worst scene in D&D (somewhat like saying the dustiest end table in pakistan) when they do the old throw the pebble trick to get past the Beholder, i'm sorry, but beholders are so much cooler then that

eltalstroneves · « **Reply #13 on:** December 24, 2006, 12:33:26 pm »

Three words (Is an acronym a word?). Escape from LA

Stephen_Zuckerman · « **Reply #14 on:** December 24, 2006, 12:41:16 pm »

I can't even understand how throwing a pebble would distract a Beholder. THEY CAN SEE ALL AROUND THEM. THEY WOULD SEE THE PEBBLE AS IT'S THROWN.

Ugh. Were I the DM, they'd have been dead. Very dead.

Vyris · « **Reply #15 on:** December 24, 2006, 07:38:58 pm »

I personally like "The Princess Bride." How can you beat ROUS's for a foe? That was positively a great movie.

D&D, on the other hand, ranks right up there with Ishtar and Jewel of the Nile 1&2 in my books.

ItalianDDog · « **Reply #16 on:** December 25, 2006, 12:26:50 am »

Eragon = worst movie I have seen in years.

I could film some of my moments in Layonara... add voice..... and have something more enjoyable.

Stephen_Zuckerman · « **Reply #17 on:** December 25, 2006, 06:07:49 am »

Princess Bride for the win. And what about LABRYNTH?

Falonthas · « **Reply #18 on:** December 25, 2006, 06:28:41 am »

you forgot the one reason to watch it
the empress in golden scalemail

Jearick Hgar · « **Reply #19 on:** January 07, 2007, 02:30:42 am »

lol. read the whole list, there were a couple times i almsot spit my mountain dew out from laughing. the thing is it's allt rue, like ravenoir said, if you look at it from the perspective of a bunch of over reactive players playing the game, then it makes since and you can't help but laugh the whole time.

as for the beholder and the pebble. i mean c'mon. the pebble will work nien times out of ten with each and everything in a PG movie, the thing could be a god and it would still chase after the pebble. =P

oh and labyrnth and David bowie FTW!!!!