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Author Topic: Joke  (Read 8690 times)

Tobias

Re: Joke
« Reply #180 on: April 03, 2008, 10:52:02 pm »
*gulp!*
 

Pseudonym

Re: Joke
« Reply #181 on: April 03, 2008, 10:53:44 pm »
*nods knowingly to Toby when Lal isn't looking ... then whistles innocently*
 

Lalaith Va'lash

Re: Joke
« Reply #182 on: April 03, 2008, 11:08:54 pm »
*Lal catches a glimpse of Psuedo's nodding in the reflection on the mithril of her handaxe*
 

Grid Blader

Re: Joke
« Reply #183 on: April 03, 2008, 11:10:16 pm »
I have a emerald for that ox of yours? *says it in a firm and some what loud voice*
 

LordCove

Re: Joke
« Reply #184 on: April 04, 2008, 09:24:03 am »
A little bored one day, Arkolio was reading through the Dragons Whisper, when he heard about a circus coming to Hempstead. A little curious, he went.

He moved past the various attractions, the bearded dwarfs, Thorn's Turnip eating contest, Pyyrans Stars and Stripes games, Kobal's feats of Strength and Angela's knife throwing contest, with a poor trussed up Storold on the spinning wheel as the target.

Finnaly, he came to a big tent, and inside on a podium, he found an elephant and a circus performer.
" Roll up! Roll up!" the circus performer cried, " I am giving the sum of 1000 True to any man who can get this Elephant to sit down!"
Up on the stage, various people were pushing and shoving the elephant in an attempt to make it sit... but with no success.

So up walks Arkolio, walks right up to the face of the Elephant... and he stares....
...and stares.... and stares....
... then walks right behind the Elephant and kicks it in the groin.
Whomp! With a trumpeted bellow, the elephant sits down fairly sharply.

To thunderous applause, Arkolio receives his reward and goes home.

Next week, having spent his winnings, he reads the Circus has moved to Wayfare and is showing the same events, including the "sitting Elephant trick".
Not wishing to be turned away, Ark pats some flour to his face to lighten his complexion, and puts on a thick Krashin accent.

Again, he moves through the various shows, into the tent, up to the Elephant....
" Roll up! Roll up! 1000 True to any man that can get this Elephant to sit down!"
... and so he walks up... and stares....
... and stares...
... and walks right behind the elephant and kicks it in the groin.
Whomp! With a trumpeted bellow, the Elephant sharply sits down, and Ark gets his reward.

Again, a week later, he discovers the circus has moved to Leringard.
Not wanting to get caught out, he takes some coal and smears it over his face to darken his compexion, and heads out to the Circus.

Again, he moves past the various shows and into the tent.
" Roll up! Roll up! 1000 True's to the man that can get this Elephant to sit down!" the circus performer cries.
Ark walks up to the elephant....
... but... the circus performer frowns. Perhaps recognising the facial features, perhaps having a bad feeling and growing sick of being out of pocket by one lucky bugger that plagues his circus every week. But for whatever reason, the Circus performer suddenly changes the rules.

" Roll up! Roll up! Er.... 2... yes... 2000 True to the man who can make this Elephant NOD.... SHAKE HIS HEAD.... "AND" SIT DOWN... WITHOUT TOUCHING IT!"
With a sneer, the Circus performer turns to watch Ark.
Now Ark has his foot on the stage, and, not wishing to get caught out and appear a fool, still approaches the elephant.
Sighing softly... he stares at the elephant....
... and stares....
... and stares....

... and says....

" You remember me dont you?"
The Elephant nods.
" You want a kick in the groin?"
The Elephant shakes its head.
" Then sit down."


// Hmm... yes it's bad... and yes I need to master shorter jokes... but he deserved it  ;)
 

Pseudonym

Re: Joke
« Reply #185 on: April 06, 2008, 08:03:59 pm »
Shiff is helping out at the work site where many kind-hearted adventurers were helping with the rebuilding in Wayfare and starts bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He makes a special case of making fun of  diminutive Jennara. After several minutes, Jennara has had enough.

"Why don't you put your money where your mouth is," she whispers. "I will bet a 1,000 true that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you won't be able to wheel back."

"You're on, little one," Shiff replies. "Let's see what you got."

Jennara reaches out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to Shiff, she (barely audibly) says,

"Alright, get in."
 

Mooneyes

Re: Joke
« Reply #186 on: April 06, 2008, 11:15:35 pm »
Heheeeehe :) Good one.  Peanut used to carry alot of Shiffs stuff *winks*
 

Hellblazer

Re: Joke
« Reply #187 on: April 07, 2008, 09:50:29 am »
Way to go Jennara :p

Falonthas

Re: Joke
« Reply #188 on: April 07, 2008, 08:50:29 pm »
dorg has to tell a joke so he doesnt get overtaken by the pink shirt
 

Pseudonym

Re: Joke
« Reply #189 on: April 08, 2008, 02:33:13 am »
Ha! That guy will run out of goodwill and patience before I run out of jokes!
 

Beez

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    Re: Joke
    « Reply #190 on: April 14, 2008, 05:12:23 pm »
    i've heard most of these, albeit in different forms, but the ones i havent heard are hilarious
     

    Masterjack

    Re: Joke
    « Reply #191 on: April 14, 2008, 05:55:07 pm »
    Quote from: Beez
    i've heard most of these, albeit in different forms, but the ones i havent heard are hilarious


    Are you saying that Pseudonym's jokes are not original? Or just the odd one here and there that some one else put up. You have to be careful with him. You do not want his already diminished ego to get shattered by revealing his plagiarism :)

    Before you know it everyone will take back there thanks and then where will he be? How will he be able to take the Thanks crown  from Dorg now?
     

    Pseudonym

    Re: Joke
    « Reply #192 on: April 14, 2008, 11:26:16 pm »
    Right on MJ!

    I may not be original with my jokes, helpful with Layo questions or know anything at all about the mechanics of NwN which could earn me thanks .. but I have the support of the little people like you and together we can make it happen!
     

    Beez

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      Re: Joke
      « Reply #193 on: April 16, 2008, 04:43:55 pm »
      Quote from: Masterjack
      Are you saying that Pseudonym's jokes are not original? Or just the odd one here and there that some one else put up. You have to be careful with him. You do not want his already diminished ego to get shattered by revealing his plagiarism :)

      Before you know it everyone will take back there thanks and then where will he be? How will he be able to take the Thanks crown  from Dorg now?


      thats exactly what im saying
      his jokes are definitly not original
       

      Stephen_Zuckerman

      Re: Joke
      « Reply #194 on: April 16, 2008, 05:44:51 pm »
      They're not really supposed to be original - it's the way he spins them to Layo that is. :) After all, a Pollack might be offended by your typical Pollack joke, but turn that Pollack in the joke into a Half-Orc, and suddenly it's okay to laugh again.

      Likewise, turning Rothschild into Pyyran. ;)

      Edit: I don't actually know how turning Rothschild into Pyyran is either funny or fitting. But it seemed amusing at the time.
       

      Pseudonym

      Re: Joke
      « Reply #195 on: April 16, 2008, 10:42:14 pm »
      My jokes aren't original???

      I confess it to be true. Not since the Simpsons started providing us quotes for every situation we encounter has an original thought passed through my head.

      Edit: Mind you, since Jimi Hendrix, has anyone had an original thought pass through their heads?
       

      LightlyFrosted

      Re: Joke
      « Reply #196 on: April 23, 2008, 02:24:04 am »
      So Kell and Arynne are on their way to Hempstead from Vehl, when, in the middle of the Dapplegreen, they come across a halfling standing proudly over the body of a dead dragon.

      "Who killed this dragon?"

      "I did!" Squeaks the halfling.  "It was posing a threat to the region, and it destroyed a dozen merchants carts!"

      "Wow!  How'd you do it?"

      "With my club!"

      The two adventurers stare at the diminutive halfling.  "How big's your club?"

      "There are about thirty of us!"
       

      Pseudonym

      Re: Joke
      « Reply #197 on: April 25, 2008, 10:10:27 am »
      Three members of Raven and three members of the Angels are travelling by ship from Leringard to Hurm. At the ticket vendor in Leringard, the three Angels each buy a ticket and watch as the three members of Raven buy just one ticket between them.

      "How are the three of you going to travel on only one ticket?" asks one of the Angels.

      "Watch and learn newbie," answers one of the Ravens.

      They all board the ship. The Angels take their respective seats along the rail but all three Raven members cram into a privy and close the door behind them.

      Shortly after the ship has set sail, the captain comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the privy door and says, "Ticket please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The captain takes it and moves on.

      The Angels see this and agree it was quite a clever idea. So after the journey, they decide to copy the Ravenites on the return trip and save some money.

      When they get to the docks in Hurm, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the Ravenites don't buy a ticket at all!

      "How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed Angel.

      "Watch and learn," answers one of the Ravens.

      When they board the ship the three Angels cram into a privy and soon after the three Ravens cram into another nearby. The ship departs.

      Shortly afterwards, one of the Ravens leaves the privy and walks over to the toilet where the Angels are hiding. He knocks on the door and says,

      "Ticket please."
       

      Pseudonym

      Re: Joke
      « Reply #198 on: April 25, 2008, 10:50:18 am »
      The only cow in a small village near Lake Allun stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found that they could buy a cow in Haven for 200 true. They brought the cow from Haven and the cow was wonderful. It produced lots of milk all of the time, and the people were very happy. They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow to produce more cows like it. They would never have to worry about their milk supply again.

      They bought the bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow. However, whenever the bull tried to .. ummmm .. 'get friendly' with the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he could not succeed in his quest. The people were very upset and decided to ask Sallaron, who, as a ranger was the closest thing to a druid the villagers knew (and was known to be very wise) what to do about their problem. They told Sall what was happening.

      "Whenever the bull tries to mount our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. An attempt from the side, she walks away to the other side."

      Sall thought about this for a minute and asked, "Did you by chance, buy this cow in Haven?"

      The villagers were dumbfounded, since no one had ever mentioned where they bought the cow.

      "You are truly a wise ranger Mister Sall," they said. "How did you know we got the cow in Haven?"

      Sall replied with a distant look in his eye, "Tegan is from Haven..."
       

      LordCove

      Re: Joke
      « Reply #199 on: April 25, 2008, 05:47:21 pm »
      Heh... classic!