Joke

[ShiffDrgnhrt]

Shiff is helping out at the work site where many kind-hearted adventurers were helping with the rebuilding in Wayfare and starts bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He makes a special case of making fun of  diminutive Jennara. After several minutes, Jennara has had enough.

"Why don't you put your money where your mouth is," she whispers. "I will bet a 1,000 true that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you won't be able to wheel back."

"You're on, little one," Shiff replies. "Let's see what you got."

Jennara reaches out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to Shiff, she (barely audibly) says,

"Alright, get in."

How did I miss this one!  Hahaha!  

[Pseudonym]

Two adventurers are out doing adventurerey things and as they're walking along they come upon a huge hole in the ground. They approach it and are amazed by the size of it. Dragon? Purple Worm? Tarrasque lair? The first adventurer says,
"Wow, that's some hole. I can't even see the bottom. I wonder how deep it is?"
The second adventurer says,
"I don't know, let's throw something down and listen and see how long it takes to hit bottom."

The first adventurer says,
"There's this big boulder here, give me a hand and we'll throw it in and see".

So they pick it up and carry it over, and count one, and two and three, and throw it in the hole.

They are standing there listening and looking over the edge and they hear a rustling in the brush behind them. As they turn around they are just in time to see a horse come crashing through the brush, run up to the hole with no hesitation, and jump in headfirst.

While they are standing there looking at each other, looking in the hole, and trying to figure out what that was all about, a paladin of Toran walks up.

"Say there", says the paladin, "You fellers didn't happen to see my steed around here anywhere, did you?"

The first adventurer says,
"Funny you should ask, but we were just standing here a minute ago and a horse came running out of the bushes doin' about a hundred leagues an hour and jumped headfirst into this hole here!"

The paladin exclaims ...
"Why that's impossible, I had him tethered to a boulder!"

[Marswipp]

Game mechanics, anyone?

[LightlyFrosted]

Just gravity.  ^~  And that's one of the most pervasive game mechanics ever.

[Pseudonym]

Hardragh is riding his horse down the road when it pulls up lame near a monastery.

He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, "My horse is lame Do you think I could stay the night?"

The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, and even send an animal-specialist priest to see to the horse. As Hardy tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound. A sound unlike anything he's ever heard before. It is .. even to the cynical bard .. quite simply beautiful. He doesn't sleep that night.

He tosses and turns trying to figure out what could possibly be making such a seductive sound. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk." Distraught, Hardragh is forced to leave.

Years later, after never being able to forget that sound, he goes back to the monastery and pleads for the answer again.

The monks reply, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk."

Hardragh says, "If the only way I can find out what is making that beautiful sound is to become a monk, then please, make me a monk."

The monks reply, "You must travel Layonara and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of grains of sand. When you find these answers, you will have become a monk."

Not one to be easily deterred, Hardragh sets about his task.

After years of searching he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery. A monk answers. He is taken before a gathering of all the monks.

"In my quest to find what makes that beautiful sound, I travelled Layonara and have found what you asked for: By divine design, the world is in a state of perpetual change. Only the Gods know what you ask. All a man can know is himself, and only then if he is honest and reflective and willing to strip away self deception."

The monks reply, "Congratulations. You have become a monk. We shall now show you the way to the mystery of the sacred sound."

The monks lead Hardragh to a wooden door, where the head monk says, "The sound is beyond that door."

The monks give him the key, and Hardy opens the door. Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone. He is given the key to the stone door and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. And so it went that he needed keys to doors of amethyst, diamond and emerald.

Finally, they come to a door made of solid gold. The sound has become very clear and definite. The monks say, "This is the last key to the last door."

Hardragh is apprehensive to no end. His life's wish is behind that door!

With trembling hands, he unlocks the door, turns the knob, and slowly pushes the door open. Falling to his knees, he is utterly amazed to discover the source of that haunting and seductive sound ...

As I cannot be entirely sure that whomever is reading this plays a monk character, I really cannot reveal more.

[Pseudonym]

Tegan's Revenge

Knowing how few soulstrands Sallaron had remaining, Tegan hurries off to the Silkwood Witch, sage of much renown, to ask her to gaze into the mists of the future.

In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the witch delivered grave news.

"There's no easy way to say this, so I'll just be blunt. Prepare yourself to be a widow. Sallaron will perm in a violent and horrible manner this year."

Then the soothsayer looked up and locked eyes with Tegan, who was visibly shaken at this news. Tegan stared back at the woman's lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her shaking hands.

She took a few deep breaths to compose herself. She simply had to know. She looked back, deep into the fortune tellers gaze, steadied her voice, and asked her the big question:

"Will I ever be caught?"

[darkstorme]

A traveling carnival happened by Hempstead when a number of adventurers were in town, and one act set up shop on the stage in Crimson Eagle's.  The act billed itself as "The Ugliest Man In Layonara".

Upon the stage sat a man, his head and upper torso draped in a sheet.  The barker strode forward on the stage. "Ladies and gentlemen!  We searched Mistone!  We combed Alindor!  We scoured Dregar!  We even braved the dangerous depths of Belinara, just to bring you, the people of Port Hempstead, the ugliest man in all of Layonara!  His face is so hideous, so revolting, that we have been forbidden to allow it on public display!  But you, good people, can have an individual viewing for just five gold pieces each!"

Now, adventurers being a naturally skeptical lot, most of them doubted that this man could really be as ugly as claimed.  So, Caerwyn stepped forward.  "I'll take a look," he said, handing the stagemaster five true.

He climbed up onto the stage, lifted the cloth to take a peek... and screamed and fainted dead away.  Two stagehands had to drag him off to the side and revive him.  Now the audience's curiosity was piqued.

Acacea now bounded forth from the crowd.  "I've seen all kinds of monsters," she said brightly.  "This guy can't scare me!"  Handing the coins to the barker, she hopped up onto the stage and walked over to the lone man in the chair.  She lifted the edge of the cloth, and took a look.  Slowly, the colour drained from her face, and she fell over in a dead faint, stiff as a board.  When the stage hands brought her 'round, she was, astonishingly, speechless for an hour afterward.

The crowd rumbled.  This man's face was, clearly, everything it was advertised to be!  But still there remained a skeptic.  Five coins clinked down at the barker's feet.  "I'll take a look," said Arkolio, strolling up onto the stage.  As he approached the man, he felt a certain amount of trepidation... but, ever mindful of his image, he approached the man with seeming confidence.  Nerving himself, he lifted the corner of the cloth and peeked underneath...

...and the man in the chair shrieked and fainted.

[Pseudonym]

Yeah, that's funny. Now, I dare you to log on and play your character.

[EventHorizon]

(Classic with a layotwist)

It was a normal day in the fair city of gold, the buzzing sounds of merchants haggling and wagons with people moving to and from the harbour had about reached its peak, the city was alive and for the moment even the weathergods seemed content at bading the city in sunlight.

Keen on exploiting this oppertunity, Sallaron had been sitting on a bench for about an hour, his eyes closed and his face turned up towards the sun.
The buzzing sounds from the city having put him in a comfortable trance of a trouble free existance.

Suddenly something changed, a sound that was new and intriguing.
Enough so for him to open his eyes and attempt to locate its source.
It was the sound of a female creature, a voice sounding upset, or disappointed.
Finally spotting the source of this voice, Sallaron studdied the halfling to whom the voice belonged. She looked as he had suspected, upset and unhappy.
The odd thing was that she was jumping up and down, repeating her upset sounding and contineous phrase:

- 0, 0, 0, 0...

Curious as to what was going on, and taking on his most cavalier smile Sallaron got to his feet, and walked over to the halfing, noticing that she was jumping ontop of a manhole cover.
Sallaron pondered and thought to himself, this is probably part of the sound that caught my attention.

Still, the halfling kept jumping, up down, up down, bouncing on the manhole cover, singing out her little verse:

- 0, 0, 0, 0...

Sallaron leaned down and put up his most winning smile, asking.

- You sound upset little one, something wrong there?

Not getting any answer, Sallaron looked around, it was approaching lunch hour and the city was actually starting to calm down somewhat, as people were racing for the best restaurants and taverns through out the city.

- You sure everything is alright little one? I gotta go now or I'll be late and you dont want to be late for dinner with you wife I tell you that much... especially not when she can toss fireballs at you.

The halfling looked even more upset at the prospect of being abandoned making Sallaron grumble at his predicament.
Then suddenly the little halfling spoke:

- You want to try?

Sallaron scratched his head and shrugged thinking to himself; Just a kid wanting a little attention... indulge it and be off to meet Tegs.
Thus, with a friendly tone Sallaron spoke:

- Sure I'll try!

The halfling seemed happy and moved aside, allowing Sallaron to take her place.

After having made sure, no one was looking Sallaron started to jump up and down ontop of the manhole cover, mimicing the halfling's verse singing out:

- 0, 0, 0, 0...

Suddenly, and with unearthly precision, the halfling pulled the cover away, sending Sallaron screaming into the sewers below.
Then quickly putting the cover back she took her position, bouncing on the manhole cover once more, a slight grin on her face as she started singing on a new verse:

- 1, 1, 1, 1...

[Stephen_Zuckerman]

Twenty-one! Twenty-one! Twenty-one!

...

Twenty-two!

[Pseudonym]

A wagon carrying a dozen dwarven defenders on the way to a big battle in the mountains spins out of control on the icy road, crashes through some vicious brambles, rolls down a 200' embankment, turns over, and burst into flames.

There were no injuries.

[Pseudonym]

A funeral service is being held for Shiff who has just permed. At the end of the service, the pall bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that Shiff is actually alive!! Praise the Gods!!

Shiff lives and carries on adventuring for ten more years, and then finally dances his last tango with the Soul Mother. Once again, a ceremony is held, and at the end of it, the pall bearers are again carrying out the casket. As they carry the casket towards the door, Val cries out,

"The wall! Watch the wall!"



[size=-2]Insensitive? It's my middle name[/size]

[ShiffDrgnhrt]

Heheheh HAHAHAH!.....  I guess Val didn't want Shiff back again, huh?  

Don't make me come over there...

[jan]

Heheheh HAHAHAH!.....  I guess Val didn't want Shiff back again, huh?  

Don't make me come over there...

You would know for sure if she had removed the wall

[Pseudonym]

Steel rode into North Fort and stopped at the dusty saloon (not pictured in-game) for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on newcomers, especially weirdly blue and red armoured ones. When Steel left the saloon some time later, he realized that his horse had been stolen.

He rushed back into the bar, handily flipped his sword into the air, caught it above his head without even looking, and then displayed some serious 20th level manoeuvres .. "Who stole my horse!!??" he yelled with rather scary sounding forcefulness.

No one answered.

"I'm gonna have another ale and if my horse isn't back outside by the time I'm finished, I'm gonna do what I did back in Vehl. And let me tell you, I don't wanna have to do what I did back in Vehl!"

Some of the Sederan locals shifted restlessly.

Steel had another ale then walked outside to find his horse was back. So, he saddled up and prepared to ride out of town.

The bartender wandered out of the bar and said, "Say there fella, what happened in Vehl anyway?" Steel turned back and said,

"I had to walk home!"

[Pseudonym]

Trouble Tempest excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and is going to get married.

He says, "Just for fun, Mom, I'm going to bring over two other female friends in addition to my fiancé, and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry".

The next day, Trouble brings 3 beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while. He then says, "Okay, Ma. Guess which one I'm going to marry."

Tegan immediately replies, "The one in the middle."

"That's amazing, Mom. You're right, how did you know?"

"I don't like her."

[Pseudonym]

A noble lady of Katherian, ever on the edge of high-fashion, goes into a shoe store and sees a gorgeous pair of boots. She asks what are they made of, the material is unlike anything she has seen previously. The assistant says they were made from the skin of permed mages and cost 150,000 a pair.

The noble lady says she could not afford that.

The assistant says,

"Don't worry, we have them in permed fighter's skin for 1,000."

[Pseudonym]

Sallaron and Tegan had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other except that little old Tegan had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned Sallaron never to open or ask her about.

For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day Tegan got very sick and the priest of Folian said she would not recover.

In trying to sort out their affairs, the by now quite aged himself Sallaron took down the shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside.

She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box. When he opened it, he found two potions of cure light wounds and a stack of coin totalling 500,000 true.

Sall asked her about the contents. "When we were to be married," Tegan said, "my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and craft something to distract myself."

Sallaron was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two potions of cure light wounds were in the box. She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with happiness.

"Honey," he said, "that explains the potions, but what about all of this true? Where did it come from?"

"Oh," Tegs said, "That's the money I made from selling the potions."

[Pseudonym]

Due to the credit crunch, Bjornigar (Champion of the independent crafter) finally condeded the economy was doomed and had to get a new job. Times were hard and Bjornigar tried everywhere - finally he gets to the zoo.

"We've had a bad case of avian flu and all the penguins have died," said the zoo keeper.
"As they are our biggest attraction, I need you to dress up as a penguin and pretend to be one all day. It pays 50 true and all the fish you can eat."

Well that's not too bad, thinks Bjornigar, so the next day he is there flapping about and swimming and eating fish.  "Not a great job, but hey, we've all had worse," he says to himself ...

A few weeks later some local children are visiting and decide to have some fun - by throwing a penguin into the lion's den! So they pick up Bjornigar (despite him flapping his little wings) and chuck him over the fence.

He looks around and sees a huge lion approaching ... it's crawling up on him until he sees the whites of his eyes. In panic Bjornigar shrieks,
"LET ME OUT, LET ME OUT, I'M NOT REALLY A PENGUIN - I AM A DWARF IN A PENGUIN SUIT!!!"

"Shut up or you'll get us both sacked!" whispers Fenrir.

[Carillon]

Q: Where are you when a demon pushes you up against a wall?

A: Between a vrock and a hard place.