Author Topic: Joke (Read 8785 times)

Thief Of Navarre · « **Reply #240 on:** February 14, 2009, 08:02:56 am »

Quote from: Pseudonym

A wagon carrying a dozen dwarven defenders on the way to a big battle in the mountains spins out of control on the icy road, crashes through some vicious brambles, rolls down a 200' embankment, turns over, and burst into flames.

There were no injuries.

Im going to copyright that one before you do

Pseudonym · « **Reply #241 on:** April 02, 2009, 06:41:41 pm »

"Salad again

Just 'cos you need to lose weight doesn't mean I need to go on a diet too!!" wailed Sallaron.

*fast forward an hour, Sallaron walks into the consulting rooms of the local possessed-of-the-healing-domain cleric*

"Ummm, Doc, I have a little problem."

*Blushing furiously, Sallaron unties his breeches revealing a small piece of lettuce dangling from his bottom.*

"That doesn't look too bad, we can take care of that straight away for you." says the cleric.

"Not too bad?" Sallaron whimpers. "That's just the tip of the iceberg."

ShiffDrgnhrt · « **Reply #242 on:** April 02, 2009, 06:42:43 pm »

That's more Gross then funny...

LordCove · « **Reply #243 on:** April 03, 2009, 01:41:18 am »

Eeww!

Pseudonym · « **Reply #244 on:** April 11, 2009, 06:41:44 am »

A polar bear walks into the Scamp's Mug and says to the bartender, "I'll have a tower ................. malt .............. liquor."

The bartender asks, "Sure friend, what's with the big pause?"

The bear says, "I dunno, I've always had them."

ShiffDrgnhrt · « **Reply #245 on:** April 12, 2009, 12:00:52 pm »

Got one, but it's not a Layo joke...

What did the Hysterical Avionics Engineer build on his day off?

A ROFLcopter!

Pseudonym · « **Reply #246 on:** May 01, 2009, 01:17:21 am »

It's been too long since i've posted a truly terrible joke ...

There was a lass named Chanda who was very interested in making a true where she could, probably to finance one nefarious scheme or another.

As it happened, the Church of Toran needed painting and advertised at the Trade & Market Hall for a painter. It was to be a big restoration job and they were inviting quotes. Chanda, no fan of the Toranites as a general rule, decided to bid for the job but her cunning scheme involved watering down the paint to a quite substandard consistency. Muahahahahahahaha, said she.

Chanda put in a bid and because her price was the lowest, she got the job.

So she set about erecting the scaffolding and setting up the planks, and buying the paint and, yes, I am sorry to say, thinning it down with turpentine. Evil alignment indeed.

Well, Chanda was up on the scaffolding, painting away, the job nearly completed, when suddenly there was a horrendous clap of thunder, the sky opened, and the rain poured down washing the thinned paint from all over the Temple and knocking Chanda clear off the scaffold to land on the grass among the gravestones, surrounded by telltale puddles of the thinned and useless paint.

Chanda was no fool. She knew this was direct intervention from Toran himself, a very rare thing on Layonara requiring permission from Ed or L, so she got down on her knees and cried:

"Oh Toran, accept my apologies; what should I do?"

And above the sound of thunder, a mighty voice spoke.

"Repaint, Repaint, and thin no more!"

Pseudonym · « **Reply #247 on:** May 07, 2009, 09:07:56 pm »

A young man began dating sweet Lissa. Lissa's father, no less impressive a personage than Connor Garvill himself, was interviewing the nervous fellow.

"So," thunders the mighty mage, "you want to be my son-in-law, do you?"

"Not particularly, " said the young man, "but if I want to marry your daughter I haven't much choice, have I?"

Pseudonym · « **Reply #248 on:** May 15, 2009, 04:20:51 am »

Arkolio looked down at his birthday present, courtesy of Angela and Alantha. Turning it this way and that, he inspected the complicated timepiece designed to be worn upon the wrist.

"It's not that I'm not grateful, far from it." said he, "But I think you misunderstood."

Pseudonym · « **Reply #249 on:** May 21, 2009, 10:07:42 pm »

Hard times in Layonara. The Deliarite sub-prime fiasco. The housing glut. Money was tight.

Kurgin Stormbrow needed to find some paying work, and Durgen told him he'd heard that they needed someone up at the Blacksmiths. Kurgin went to see the fella, and said,

"Mah brudder tells mah yer lookin' fer someone tah work 'ere."

"Aye, that's right." said the Blacksmith, "Can you shoe Horses?"

"I'm not sure," said Kurgin, "but I once told a pack o' centaurs to pike off."

ystrday · « **Reply #250 on:** May 21, 2009, 10:16:06 pm »

That one was so bad it was funny.

ShiffDrgnhrt · « **Reply #251 on:** May 21, 2009, 10:21:33 pm »

Quote from: Pseudonym

Arkolio looked down at his birthday present, courtesy of Angela and Alantha. Turning it this way and that, he inspected the complicated timepiece designed to be worn upon the wrist.

"It's not that I'm not grateful, far from it." said he, "But I think you misunderstood."

Okay... I'm a bit comedically challenged, but is this because they never gave Ark "the time of day"?

Pseudonym · « **Reply #252 on:** May 21, 2009, 10:30:56 pm »

Yeah, let's go with that. I will use such an explanation in any future 'we-need-to-have-a-chat' chats with Leanthar over this thread!

Stephen_Zuckerman · « **Reply #253 on:** May 22, 2009, 12:43:45 am »

Quote from: Pseudonym

Yeah, let's go with that. I will use such an explanation in any future 'we-need-to-have-a-chat' chats with Leanthar over this thread!

I think Arkolio had the right idea to start with.

Pseudonym · « **Reply #254 on:** May 28, 2009, 11:09:26 pm »

Fenrir was walking through the mountains, all in a sweat because his WLDQ wasn't looking good and mithril was scarcer than ever. Looking up to the heavens he cries,

"Battle fahder, take pity on mah. Iff'n ye help meh foinds sum mithril, ah'll beh happy an' cheerful forever more. Nae more bein' surly!"

Miraculously, a lump of mithril appeared on the ground right next to him.

Fenrir looks up again and says, "Never moind, Ah found sum."

Pseudonym · « **Reply #255 on:** July 10, 2009, 08:43:51 am »

Alatriel wakes up and tells Aerimor,

"I dreamed that you gave me a beautiful emerald necklace for our anniversary and whisked me off for a holiday of a lifetime on the beaches of Dregar. What do you think it means?"

"You'll know tonight," Aerimor replies with a smile.

That evening, Aerimor comes home with a small package and gives it to Alatriel. Delighted, she opens it.

Inside is a book entitled 'The Meaning of Dreams'.

Alatriel · « **Reply #256 on:** July 11, 2009, 01:56:57 am »

Quote from: Pseudonym

Alatriel wakes up and tells Aerimor,

"I dreamed that you gave me a beautiful emerald necklace for our anniversary and whisked me off for a holiday of a lifetime on the beaches of Dregar. What do you think it means?"

"You'll know tonight," Aerimor replies with a smile.

That evening, Aerimor comes home with a small package and gives it to Alatriel. Delighted, she opens it.

Inside is a book entitled 'The Meaning of Dreams'.

He forgot when Alatriel then slapped him *grins*

ok... so she wouldn't really slap him, but let's just say... the reaction would be less than impressed

Pseudonym · « **Reply #257 on:** August 27, 2009, 10:00:50 pm »

On the day after he successfully completed his WLDQ, many of the dwarves of Layo brought congratulatory presents for Fenrir. Kurgin, Weapon Crafting extraordinaire, handed Fenrir a gift-wrapped box. Fen shook it, held it up and said,

"Eh bet eh know what it is! Eh't be an axe?"

"Dat's roight!" shouted Kurgin happily.

Then Gimli, gem crafter without peer, reverently handed Fenrir a gift. Fen held it up, shook it and said.

"Eh bet eh know what it is! Eh't be a box o' emeralds?"

"Dat's roight!" shouted Gimli.

The next gift was from Argali, brewer, alchemist and tinker. Fenrir held it up and saw that it was leaking. He touched a drop with a thick finger and tasted it.

"Is eh't ale?" he asked.

"No," Argali answered.

Fenrir touched another drop to his tongue.

"Is eh't whiskey?" he asked.

"No," Argali answered.

Another taste.

"Eh got it, it be mead?"

Argali gives a little head shake.

Finally, Fenrir said, "Eh give up. What is be?"

Argali replied,

"A puppy!"

Pseudonym · « **Reply #258 on:** November 27, 2009, 03:45:13 am »

Dear Soul Mother,

So far this year you have taken away my favourite character Arkolio, my favourite crafter Goldwin, my favourite rogue Lueanne, my favourite Rofi Barion.

Just so you know, my favourite GM is darkstorme.

Pseudonym · « **Reply #259 on:** January 29, 2010, 06:48:21 pm »

Sallaron and Tegan are walking in a very spiritual grove deep in the Forest of Fog when they come upon a deep well. Two wolves frolic playfully nearby, Sall and Tegan can almost feel the presence of the Prince of Wolves himself. Tall and majestic trees tower over them, the forest canopy allowing a dappled light to fall to the ground. A halo of bright sunshine fall directly onto the well before them. Sall, realising the significance of this place, leans over, makes a wish, and throws in a single golden true. Tegan, his wife of many decades, decides to make a wish, too, but she leans over too far, falls into the well, and drowns.

Sall whispers reverently , "Wow! It works."