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Author Topic: Joke  (Read 8692 times)

ystrday

Re: Joke
« Reply #260 on: January 29, 2010, 07:21:11 pm »
Hahahahaha!! And he's back.. BUT!! *lol* who do you think Sall talked to about helping Ark out of his precidament with money??

;)
 

Pseudonym

Re: Joke
« Reply #261 on: February 05, 2010, 02:48:55 am »
BUT! It's the world of Layonara and death is but an inconvenience, easily overcome.

Sall rushes the drowned Tegan to the nearest priest and plonks her dripping form at the startled cleric's feet. The Priest of Folian takes out his Eye for the Soul and kneels beside the body, muttering a few holy words under his breath. The priest looks up and says,
"I don't like the looks of your wife at all."
"Me neither doc," says Sall, "but she's a great cook."
 

Pseudonym

Re: Joke
« Reply #262 on: February 26, 2010, 02:40:43 am »
A barbarian from Krashin boards a ship sailing into Leringard, carrying two dead squirrels. The ship captain looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."


A hungry lion was roaming through the Forest of Fog looking for something to eat. He came across two men. One was sitting under a tree and reading a scroll; the other was scribbling away with his quill. The lion quickly pounced on the man reading the parchment and devoured him. Even the king of the jungle knows that readers digest and writers cramp.


Two Krashin barbarians (having disembarked from the ship above) sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.


Within an alchemist's crucible two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."


Did you hear about the monk who refused clerical healing during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.


A group of chess enthusiasts gathered in the newly rebuilt Leringard Arms and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, Tyra came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?", they asked, as they moved off. "Because," she said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."


A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Sedera and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Morholt, they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a painting of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the painting, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a painting of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
 

ShiffDrgnhrt

Re: Joke
« Reply #263 on: February 26, 2010, 02:43:23 am »
Such bad puns!  I love it!
 

Pseudonym

Re: Joke
« Reply #264 on: March 05, 2010, 03:35:49 am »
LAWS WE ALL LIVE UNDER

(sorry, tired and can't be bothered Layonara-izing these!)

LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

LAW OF GRAVITY - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

LAW OF PROBABILITY - The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

LAW OF RANDOM NUMBERS - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

LAW OF THE ALIBI - If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

VARIATION LAW - If you change lanes, the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now.

LAW OF THE BATH - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

LAW OF CLOSE ENCOUNTERS - The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

LAW OF THE RESULT - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

LAW OF BIOMECHANICS - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

LAW OF THE THEATER AND FOOTBALL STADIUM - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance.

THE COFFEE LAW - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

MURPHY'S LAW OF LOCKERS - If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

LAW OF PHYSICAL SURFACES - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.

LAW OF LOGICAL ARGUMENT - Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

LAW OF PHYSICAL APPEARANCE - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.

LAW OF PUBLIC SPEAKING - A closed mouth gathers no feet.

LAW OF COMMERCIAL MARKETING STRATEGY - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

DOCTORS' LAW - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick.
 

Pseudonym

Re: Joke
« Reply #265 on: March 12, 2010, 04:57:01 am »
Jehoram was standing at the counter at the Temple of Deliar when an old lady came up and asked him to help check her balance. So he pushed her over.
 

Pseudonym

Re: Joke
« Reply #266 on: March 12, 2010, 04:58:48 am »
Tralek had a familiar named Minton who had an unfortunate habit of eating shuttlecocks. Bad Minton.
 

Pseudonym

Re: Joke
« Reply #267 on: June 05, 2010, 02:46:39 am »
A famous Krashin explorer returned home from a raid south and found his name missing from the town register.

His wife insisted on complaining to the local civic official who apologised profusely saying, "I must have taken Leif off my census."
 

Pseudonym

Re: Joke
« Reply #268 on: June 18, 2010, 12:20:18 am »
Rofireinite Knights of the Wyrm in Fort Vehl just announced the discovery of an illegal cache of 200 vials of poison, 100 garrotes, 50 slaves, 20 barrels of Xeenite wine, 1,000,000 in counterfeit true and smuggled contraband all in a semi-detached shanty house behind the Public Library.

Local residents were stunned. A community statesman said, "We're shocked. We never knew we had a library!!"
 

Alatriel

Joke
« Reply #269 on: September 09, 2010, 07:31:15 pm »
Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
 

Pseudonym

Re: Joke
« Reply #270 on: November 02, 2010, 07:26:18 pm »
Arkolio - "Sall, old friend, how've you been?"

Sall - "I spent some time by the wife's grave today."

Arkolio - *nods sympathetically*

Sall - "She doesn't know ... she thinks I'm digging a pond."
 

ystrday

Re: Joke
« Reply #271 on: November 02, 2010, 09:57:52 pm »
Hahahaha.. =P
 

Chazzler

Re: Joke
« Reply #272 on: November 03, 2010, 12:17:24 pm »
Haha  :D
 

Pseudonym

Re: Joke
« Reply #273 on: February 19, 2011, 12:42:56 am »
Ni'haer's apprentice asked him for a pet spider for his birthday, so Ni' went to the local pet shop and, lo and behold, they were 100 true each!!

Bollocks to this Ni' thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.
 

Pseudonym

Re: Joke
« Reply #274 on: February 19, 2011, 12:48:09 am »
A snake and a rabbit were racing along a pair of intersecting forest pathways one day, when they collided at the intersection. They immediately began to argue with one another as to who was at fault for the mishap.

When the snake remarked that he had been blind since birth, and thus should be given right-of-way, the rabbit said that he, too, had been blind since birth. The two animals then forgot about the collision and began commiserating concerning the problems of being blind.

The snake said that his greatest regret was the loss of his identity. He had never been able to see his reflection in the water and, for that reason, did not know exactly what he looked like, or even what he was. The rabbit declared that he had the same problem. Seeing a way that they could help each other, the rabbit proposed that one feel the other from head to toe, and then try to describe what the other animal was.

The snake agreed, and started by winding himself around the rabbit. After a few moments, he announced, "You've got very soft, fuzzy fur, long ears, big rear feet, and a little fuzzy ball for a tail. I think that you must be a bunny rabbit!"

The rabbit was much relieved to find his identity, and proceeded to return the favour to the snake. After feeling about the snake's body for a few minutes, he asserted, "Well, you're scaly, you're slimy, you've got beady little eyes, you squirm and slither all the time, and you've got a forked tongue. I think you're Razeriem!"
 

 

anything