Just drove my landlady to the hospital!

[lonnarin]

And not in the manner that you would expect me to either.

She was outside trimming the hedges, and all of the sudden I hear screaming and hyperventilating.  The very first thing that went though my mind was "oh great, it's that bloody attack cat again".  But no, turns out she wasn't holding the mini-chainsaw hedgeclippers properly and they went wild on her and sawed through half her finger!  It was pretty deep, could see bone fractured and all, so I quickly tossed some hydrogen peroxide on it, wrapped her hand in a towel and hot-footed it to the closest hospital with her and her 10-year-old son.  Got there in record time; the GPS said and ETA of about 25 minutes, arrived there in around 8-9 minutes.  I sped like a demon actually attempting to try and get pulled over so that a cop could give us an escort through traffic, but no such luck.  I assume right now they are trying to sew it back together and fitting her with a cast of some sort.  Poor lady, but at least I figure she'll remember this the next time the post office decides to be late delivering her rent money!

Now I have a blood splattered front porch and a random car in the driveway.  Great for dissuading door to door salesmen and non-seasonal trick-or-treaters.  

[Chazzler]

The best way to dissuade door to door salesmen is to have scratchmarks and possibly a few stuck fingernails in your front door's inner part

[lonnarin]

In the day directly following the incident, out cat sniffed at the blood on the doorstep and must have assumed she had competition.  By the next morning we found TWO decapitated moles and half a lizard on the front doorstep.  No doubt she was thinking, "Oh great, some other cat is trying to get MY job... *sniff sniff* and I'd better step things up.  This one nabbed a full HUMAN!"