Talan Va'lash - 5/18/2005 2:19 PM
I found this on another forum and found it way funnier than I should have... so, i did the only logical thing. Posted it here! (and removed a few of the ones not worth repeating.)
Acid Trip
Alamir's Fundamental Theorem
Anger God
Animate Bread
Anti-Magic Magic Missle
Become Dead (reverse of Resurrect Self)
Bigby's Clenched Teeth
Bigby's Fumbling Hand
Bigby's Insulting Hand (the second finger is rather prominent)
Break the Wind
Change Elf
Charm Dead
Clear Audience (usually follows Delayed Blast Flatulence)
Create Coat Hanger
Cure Light Winds
Cure Smoked Ham
Deathwish
Detect Dead (Yep, he's dead alright...)
Detect Detect Spells
Detect Lightning Bolts (area: 5')
Detect Pervert
Detect Self
Drawmij's Instant Coffee (components: hot water and cup)
Enlightening Bolt
Enrage Dragon
ESPN
Evard's Blue Testicles
Explosive Friends
Feign Orgasm
Get Life
Globe of Vulnerability
Guess Alignment
Hair Extension I, II, III
Heel
Hold Bladder
Hold Self
Impress Plants
Improper Suggestion
Invisibility to Dead
Irritate Self
Legend Bore
Leomund's Grass Hut
Lightning Blot
Locate Right Hand
Maggot Missle
Magic Gristle
Mail of the Banshee
Melf's Acid Trip
Mildly Surprising Grasp
Mistaken Identify
Mordenkainen's Aroused Hound (can't get it off of the nearest leg)
Mordenkainen's Unfaithful Wife
Otto's Irresistible Disco-Duck
Part Hair
Phantasmal Fork
Power Word, NO!
Power Word, Puke
Protection from Self
Psychoanalyze Without Error (Zo, ven dit you shtop lofink your mutter?)
Remove Hand (yours)
Reservation
Resurrect Living
Sheepskin
Shocking Gasp (usually follows Tenser's Shocking Suggestion)
Silence of the Lambs, 15' radius
Speak With Self
Tasha's Controllable Mildly Unpleasant Laughter
Tasha's Uncontrollable Bladder
Teleport Without Destination
Teleport Without Terror
Tenser's Formatted Disk
Tenser's Shocking Suggestion (you want to WHAT??!)
Transmute Rock to Jazz
Unseen Manservant
Wall of Dog
((Originally compiled by Bill Garrett and Nushae Siobhan Fahey (101 Spells Not Worth Memorizing)))
Some of those could actually be made quite powerful spells, if you think about it.
A few examples:
Acid Trip (If the target fails their DC Check, they lose their feet, becoming partially immobile as if they were encumbered)
Anti-Magic Magic Missle (Instantly Removes all buffs currently on the target, each missle removing one.)
Anger God (Try pissing off a god, point, and say, "He did it!")
Bigby's Insulting Hand (The comic equivalent to finger of death!)
Clear Audience (Increases the effect of verbal spells by ten feet!)
Globe of Vulnerability (If targeted on an enemy)
Mordenkainen's Unfaithful Wife (Break your enemy's heart, making all initiative and "will to live" rolls zero, then kill them!)
Teleport Wthout Destination (Chill in The Void for a while, rest, prepare spells, use the proper teleport spell to go back, and less than a moment in real time will have passed!)
Unseen Manservant (Because everyone wants to summon something invisible, right? If used immediately after killing a creature under the effects of Mordenkainen's Unfaithful Wife, summons that creature)
And finally, Wall of Dog (The higher the DC Check, the more damage the dog(s) deal. More dogs with higher caster levels up to level 20)
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EDIT:
More fun!
Alamir's Fundamental Theorem (If it's the Fundamental Theorem of Magic, then that could be turned into some form of primal energy attack spell???)
Break the Wind (All AOE spells affected by wind are dispelled immediately. Deals 6d12 damage to wind elementals.)
Deathwish (You die, but so do all those within 15 feet of you if they fail a DC Check.)
Detect Lightning Bolts (area 5') (Use immediately after Clear Audience and you can tell if your buddy in the next room is under fire!)
Enrage Dragon (Picture this: some guy, hopefully one of your enemies
, is speaking with a dragon. Wait until he says something stupid, then cast this spell to kill him indirectly! Remember to cast Expeditious Retreat on yourself first.)
Explosive Friends (Target a party member, then tell them to go fight without telling them the effects of the spell. Trigger it, with lots of Resurrection spells in pocket, and watch him go BOOM! Along with all the enemies he was just fighting)
Hair Extension I, II, III (Gives an unarmed attack bonus, depending on the spell level, the target being able to use their hair as a whip!)
Part Hair (Use on an enemy under the effects of Hair Extension)
Hehe...
