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All of us who are parents have of course found ourselves saying things that we cannot possibly imagine having just come out of our mouths. Soo..... What was the funny thing you found yourself forced to say to your child today?
Mine?
[SIZE=16]"No, son, that is a potty, not a hat. Get it off your head, please."[/SIZE]
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"No, son, that is a hat, not a potty. Don't wee in it, please."
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Not as a parent, but as an occasional caretaker of young children...
"Because I said so."
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Not as a parent, but as an occasional caretaker of young children...
"Because I said so."
But why?
Because...
Because why?
Because I said so...
Why did you say so?
Because I'm the dad...
etc. etc. etc.... :)
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I dont care who started it.... im ending it.
Ask your mother... *child goes to ask mother*... Ask your Father.
We brought you into this world... and we can take you out of it!
Try it, You might like it.
*after the child goes in and out the door a few dozen times* In or Out!!!
*after child leaves door open* We're you born in a barn? Shut the door!
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Said to my daughter at breakfast time today
"Stop!! Wait!! NO!!!!!..... oh, too late"
So bath time followed breakfast.
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Ok the others weren't all in one day just some of the memorable ones used on me when I was a kid or I have used now with my kids.
But this morning was...
*loud crash in the living room* I dont know what that was but clean it up please!
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*as wee one waevs screwdriver around nice leather couch, everything goes matrix xlow mo, and dives for the slowly descending point into couch*
N-O-O-O-O-O-o-o-o-oooo....
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"Where are your pants? Didn't you just have pants on a minute ago?"
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Is it weird that these quotes make me want to have kids more?
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"No! Do NOT sit on your brother's head I don't CARE if he likes it or not!"
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Me, distractedly: "Trey the ball goes in the bathroom... I mean... the closet. Put the ball in the closet."
Son: "Ha ha Mommy, you thought the ball was a toothbrush!"
(yes, apparently today will be one of those days where there is more than one...)
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2 yr old: "Eat... me! Eat... me!"
Mommy: "AJ... stop telling the ants to eat you."
*later at dinner*
4.5 yr old: "Mommy, I had a bad dragon dream last night. Why did you tell me to go back and have more dreams about that dragon? It was a bad dragon dream."
Mommy: "Because I told you to dream about defeating it..."
4.5 yr old: "But I didn't have any food in my hand...."
Mommy: "No... not FEEDING the dragon... DEFEATing the dragon...."
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Mom: Look hon, this Macbook Pro has twice the RAM and a better video card for only 300 dollars more...
18-year-old daughter: Ooooh, but I want the white one mommy! It's so pretty!
Mom: *facepalms and whispers to me quietly* I'm sorry dear...
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I DON'T want you to stick an EYEBALL on the wall!
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"Mommy's penis a-hiding."
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Pseudo (just returned from work) - "Did you miss Daddy?"
Pseudo's 4 yr old daughter - "No, I forgotted about you."
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Hahaha! That was priceless! :D
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"Yes I am a poo poo head but you still have to put on your jammies"
"is there a cat in that draw?"
"What did you just say?"
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"why?"
"because I said so."
"but why?"
"because."
"why?"
PLEASE! For my SANITY! Stop asking me why!
"why?"
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From last week, as I contemplated my options for an emergency bathroom pullover on a highway:
"Well, there are two reasons you can't unbuckle your seat and pee out the window ... one, we're moving right now and it's against the law to unbuckle while we're moving, and two, we don't pee out of car windows."
*pause as she listens to the next question*
"Yes, peeing out of the car window is against the law too."
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"why?"
"because I said so."
"but why?"
"because."
"why?"
PLEASE! For my SANITY! Stop asking me why!
"why?"
The Why-Cycle of Doom!
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Seriously guys, could you please put tires on your cars before you drive them on my table?
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"Please take Puppy out of the freezer. The ice cream does not need a guard." (Stuffed animal, don't call the ASPCA on me).
"WHY ARE YOU NAKED? COME INSIDE RIGHT NOW!" (This weekend, that one).
(A discussion my husband found himself in the other day)
Husband: "I think I'll have fish for dinner."
Son: "I don't like fish. Fish is yucky."
Husband: "But you just ate fish sticks."
Son: "But I LIKE fish sticks."
Husband: "But you can't like fish sticks, you don't like fish."
Son: "Fish is yucky."
Husband: "Then you don't like fish sticks."
Son: "Yes I do."
Husband: "But you don't like fish!"
Son: "But I like fish sticks."
Husband: "Fish sticks are made of fish."
Son: "No they're not! Fish is yucky!"
...Rinse, repeat, for twenty minutes. I ended up throwing them both out of the den.
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I just want to point out a recurring theme:
Mother's bear witness to the beauty of innocence and the folly of husbands on a regular basis.
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...which is the basic theme of every family sitcom in existance, almost. I'd say there's a reason for that.
:)
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*struggles to hear what his daughter is saying to him over the way to loud Hanna Montana CD playing in the background, and finally understands her question to him*
*replies back*
"No sweetie, we cannot turn Daddy's apartment into a Dance studio"
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Bed time for me is a nightmare. My son will pull out every trick in the book to avoid the 8.30pm embargo.
He's three years old son loves negotiating (like me i guess).
He offered me the best deal last night.
SON: "dad, If you put on THomas the Tank Engine (DVD) in the morning I'll go to bed right now."
DAD: Deal!
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Pseudo's 4 yr old daughter - "I love you infinity and nine!"
Pseudo - "That's beautiful sweetheart."
Pseudo's 4 yr old daughter - "I love mummy more."
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Not a quote but a charming moment in time that reminds me of my place as Mother.
I was cooking dinner last night and the baked macaroni came out steaming hot. My son looked at the steam and said "Mommy, what's that?"
What's that? A TEACHING MOMENT, that's what! My inner chemist writhed in joy as I switched to my Lecture (tm) voice and started to speak.
"Honey, that's steam. Remember when we talked about ice, water and steam? That's a gas."
"What's a gas?" (more happy writhing internally)
"A gas is something that expands to fit it's container and does not seek its own level..."
Yes. I really said this to a 5 year old.
"Now look, honey, water is different. (I pull out a glass and open the tap) See how the water fills the container too, but doesn't rise up? It seeks its own level."
He's watching me with a focused expression. I mistake this for interest and wind up for the triumphant finish.
"Remember that ice is solid water, and liquid water will fill a cup. Now you see gaseous water is steam and it will fill the whole room! Do you understand?"
Nod.
"So do you know what gas is now?"
Sincere nod.
"So you tell me, honey, what is gas?"
"It's farts. Mommy, pull my finger!"
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Aerimor and Alatriel's 4.5 yr old son: "Mommy you go yell at Daddy, stop yelling at me!"
Alatriel: "No, I will yell at Daddy when it is time to yell at Daddy. Right now, I am yelling at you!"
Aerimor: "great...."
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internal chemist is defeated once again
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Not a quote but a charming moment in time that reminds me of my place as Mother.
I was cooking dinner last night and the baked macaroni came out steaming hot. My son looked at the steam and said "Mommy, what's that?"
What's that? A TEACHING MOMENT, that's what! My inner chemist writhed in joy as I switched to my Lecture (tm) voice and started to speak.
"Honey, that's steam. Remember when we talked about ice, water and steam? That's a gas."
"What's a gas?" (more happy writhing internally)
"A gas is something that expands to fit it's container and does not seek its own level..."
Yes. I really said this to a 5 year old.
"Now look, honey, water is different. (I pull out a glass and open the tap) See how the water fills the container too, but doesn't rise up? It seeks its own level."
He's watching me with a focused expression. I mistake this for interest and wind up for the triumphant finish.
"Remember that ice is solid water, and liquid water will fill a cup. Now you see gaseous water is steam and it will fill the whole room! Do you understand?"
Nod.
"So do you know what gas is now?"
Sincere nod.
"So you tell me, honey, what is gas?"
"It's farts. Mommy, pull my finger!"
Hhehe - I got this image of your child later in life with multiple PHD's in physics and chemisty and using that line as a practical joke.
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Mommy: "Do you love me to the stopsign?"
4 yr old: "yep. Do you love me to that tree?"
Mommy: "Yep. Do you love me to the clouds?"
4 yr old: "Yep. Do you love me to the airplane?"
Mommy: "Yep. Do you know how much I love you?"
4 yr old: "To the stars and back."
Mommy: "I do. I love you to the stars and back."
4 yr old: "Do you know how much I love you Mommy?"
Mommy: "How much?"
4 yr old: "To the stars and back to the moon."
Daddy: "What, did you run out of gas??"
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Daughter (drawing mum at 6yrs old): "oops, I accidently turned mum into a pig"
dad: what was that noise?
Daughter: I fell off the chair.
Dad: what were you doing on it?
Daughter: sitting.
Daughter after dad cracks a bad joke: I am NOT related to him!
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"One minute Son..ouchy I need to heal thats a bad trap"
"Dad is it dangerous when you step on a trap in this game"
Takes a breath and smiles for the greater good "No it's just a game."
"Do you remember Dad last time when you left the computer."
"Just a minute I just need to....ye..es..on the game where the nasty GM killed my pc with a trap when I was away from the ....screen ?"
pause
"Son?"
"Sorry Dad"
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*stepson rolling a 1 on persuasion/BS: "oh this game, my friend has this, he is heaps higher than you.... He is lvl 50."
me: the maximum level is 40.
Stepson: " ah yeah 40, ah he must have the sequel."
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Said by my father to my nephew:
"Don't shoot the cat!"
Half Hour later...
"You can't shoot me..... You shot me!"
:)
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(it was a busy night tonight...)
AJ! Stop sitting on Daddy's head. AJ... Daddy's head is not a seat. Get off it.
(a few minutes later)
AJ! Stop bouncing on Daddy's head!
(a few minutes later)
AJ! Don't poke Daddy in the eye! No... Don't shake his head either... No... Stop grabbing Daddy's nose...
(Daddy fell asleep on the floor while watching fireworks on TV because we got rained out)
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Older son: "Mommy, AJ's a horse."
Mommy: *sighs* "Are you sitting on your brother?"
Older son: "He wanted me to!"
Mommy: "I don't care if he wants you to, don't sit on your brother."
Older son: "Mommy, now he's sitting on me!"
Mommy to younger son: "Get off your brother"
Younger son: "I sit. Trey!"
Mommy: "I know you're sitting on him. Get OFF of him. Do NOT sit on each other. Do NOT get on each other. GET OFF of each other!"
Younger son: "I sit. Trey!"
Older son: "Mommy, AJ's on me. *giggle*"
Mommy: "I give up..."
Older son: "Mommy! Can you help me?"
Mommy: "No."
Older son: "But I can't get up! AJ's on me!"
Mommy goes selectively deaf...
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"Baby, why does your head smell like Daddy's armpit?"
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Mom was out for the evening visiting relatives so I gave my teenage son a pick up sandwich and a bag of chips from a convenience store for dinner when I got home. He smirked and said "Great! Dad's home cooking!"
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Stop sticking the dog's tail in your cup!
and earlier today:
Son: Mommy what are you eating?
Me: tuna salad
Son: what's tuna salad?
Me: Fish... with stuff in it
Son: What kind of fish?
Me: Tuna fish.
Son: Is it fresh?
Me: um... sorta?
Son: Can I have some?
Me: Sure... *offers him a bite*
Son: *wrinkles his nose* um... nevermind.
Me: I thought you wanted some? Want me to get you your own?
Son: no... I like fish, but only the kind I've seen under the water. I've never seen a tuna fish under the water so I don't want to eat one.
Me: fine, then don't eat one. i think they're yummy.
Son: Mommy?
Me: whatty?
Son: can I have something to eat?
Me: want tuna fish?
Son: no
Me: then come back later
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"Mommy you sure are starting to sound like such a boss!" in a sarcastic four year old tone.
"I am the boss!" said as I make my coffee
"No you're not! Daddy's the boss!"
"Daddy's the boss... er... when I say he is!" (*face palm*)
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Mommy can I ride on a submarine?
No
Why not?
Because I don't have a submarine.
But we could get one.
No we can't.
Why not?
Because they're really expensive and... we have nowhere to put one.
Weeeeeelllll...... we could go on your computer. Then you just type in T-A-O-D. That spells submarine games. That would work.
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*knock on the bedroom door*
Daddy: "Who is it?"
4 yr old: "Trey"
Daddy: "Trey who?"
*silence*
*knock on the door*
Daddy: "Who is it?"
4 yr old: "Trey"
Daddy: "Trey who?"
*silence*
Daddy: "Trey who?"
4 yr old: "Um... Banana"
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Pseudo Jnr ( age 8 ) started guitar lessons last week ...
Me - "So, what songs do you have to practice?"
Him - "Peter Gunn, Smoke on the Water, Mission Impossible ... // Various other standard guitar beginner pieces //
Me - "That's cool buddy"
Him - "I'd like to learn to play some Billy Joel songs"
Me - *blinks*
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(For those of you that don't know, my father in law is an assistant warden at a prison nearby and lives on the grounds of the prison, so their yardwork is taken care of by prisoners on work detail.)
While walking from the car to the pool on Thursday, there were several people taking care of the landscaping and yardwork surrounding the community pool. My son looked at them, then looked up at me and says, "Mommy? Why are the inmates all the way over here?"
I choked on a laugh and said, "Um... honey, not everyone who does yardwork is an inmate. This isn't a prison, so these people are just doing their job."
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4yr old: Dad! Dodge the bullets!
Dad: yes... I know... I'm trying
4yr old: Dad.... you died.
Dad: Gee... thanks. I don't think I could've figured that out on my own *heavy sarcasm*
*more game playing ensues*
4yr old: Dad... you died again...
Dad: I know! I don't need someone to tell me that I died!
4yr old: well... you did.
*more game playing ensues*
Dad: Hey Trey?
4yr old: huh?
Dad: I died.
4yr old: Yeah, I saw that. I saw you go poof.
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Mrs Pseudo from the laundry (requiring assistance lifting a heavy load of washing) - "Can I have your muscles in here?"
Pseudo - *flexes in front of the kids*
Pseudo's 6 yr old daughter with an expression of disdain - "Tsk ... hardly"
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*sighs* Please... don't lock yourself in the dog cage again.
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5 year old son asking for something: "Can I have (whatever it is)?"
Me: "No, you have to wait."
5 seconds later: "Okay, I waited. Now can I have it?"
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*Family, gathered at the table eating Chinese takeaway*
Pseudo's 6 year old daughter - "I want to live in China so I can eat Chinese food every day!"
Pseudo's 8 year old son - "Or we could live in Italy and eat spaghetti and meatballs every day!" ((Sure, obviously I haven't done much to dispel racial stereotyping))
Pseudo's 4 year old daughter - "I want to live in Paris and be a musketeer"
Pseudo's 30-something year old wife - "Or we could live in America and have McDonalds every day"
Pseudo's 6 year old daughter - "Mmmm, that'd be the Holy Grail."
Gods Honest true story.
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//missing post IDs
1700096 / Alatriel
1700142 / Alatriel
1700307 / Alatriel
1700473 / Alatriel
1700507 / Pseudonym
1701173 / Alatriel
1701467 / Alatriel
1702403 / Pseudonym
1704122 / Alatriel
1704126 / Frances
1704607 / Pseudonym
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*Family, gathered at the table eating Chinese takeaway*
Pseudo's 6 year old daughter - "I want to live in China so I can eat Chinese food every day!"
Pseudo's 8 year old son - "Or we could live in Italy and eat spaghetti and meatballs every day!" ((Sure, obviously I haven't done much to dispel racial stereotyping))
Pseudo's 4 year old daughter - "I want to live in Paris and be a musketeer"
Pseudo's 30-something year old wife - "Or we could live in America and have McDonalds every day"
Pseudo's 6 year old daughter - "Mmmm, that'd be the Holy Grail."
Gods Honest true story.
I did not post that... *shifty*
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I did not post that... *shifty*
You got Pseudonimized. . means you'll be blatantly trying to get thanks?
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Pseudonimized.
darkstorme needs to define that one!
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You got Pseudonimized. . means you'll be blatantly trying to get thanks?
Me? blatantly trying to get thanked by putting up witty posts to make people laugh? *glances at the thread she started* Never!
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*Pseudo walks into a kid's bedroom to investigate the sounds of children wrestling. Opening the door, he is greeted by the sight of 5 yr old daughter (ie. The winner) sitting on top of 7 yr old daughter (ie. The loser)
Pseudo - "Ainsley (loser), you okay under there?"
Ainsley - "Yep, it looks like it's gonna be one of those days when you end up with your sister's bottom in your face"
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But why?
Because...
Because why?
Because I said so...
Why did you say so?
Because I'm the dad...
etc. etc. etc.... :)
True !!!
And too often...:(
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4yr old: Mommy... Hey Mom, look at me, I have a bear on my head!
Me: I see that.. why?
4yr old: Because I wanted a bear on my head. *duh look*
Me: well... that makes sense then...
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*Bed time at the Pseudo household. Pseudo is saying goodnight to 7 year old daughter*
Pseudo - "Nigh night sweety."
Daughter - "Dad?"
Pseudo - "Yep?"
Daughter - "Some people think war is this great big adventure *lengthy pause of consideration* but they don't know what war is really like."
*Pseudo leaves, wondering how a 7 year old girl knows what war is really like ...*
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*Aerimor and Alatriel's four-year-old comes home with his daddy after his soccer game...*
4 yr old: Mommy, when I get to be a grown up I'm going to have three babies!
Alatriel: Really now?
4 yr old: Yep!
Aerimor: Did you tell mommy what happens if you don't wait until you're a grown up to have babies?
4 yr old: Oh yeah... if I don't wait until I'm a grown up to have babies, Daddy says he'll kick my butt.
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Trey: "Daddy, if you play Raz next time, I'm not going to sit on your lap."
Aerimor: "Why not?"
Trey: "Raz isn't very good at... um... turning into things."
Aerimor: "Yeah... Raz is, um, happy with the way he looks."
*a few moments later*
Aerimor: "*sigh* See, even my four year old doesn't like Raz."
Trey: "Yeah, I like Aerimor."
Aerimor: "It sucks to be Raz."
Trey: "Yeah, it sucks to be Raz... it doesn't suck to be Aerimor."
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*Riding in the car past fields of cows*
AJ: Pows!
Trey: Not Pows, AJ, those are Cows. Cows! Can't you say cow?
AJ: No. Pows!
Trey: Uuuuugh.... Cows!
AJ: Pows!
Trey: Mommy, can you tell AJ to say cows?
Mommy: AJ, do you like pows?
Trey: Cows!
AJ: Pows!
Trey: *sigh* fine. One day, I'm gonna ride a horse, then I can ride it around and scare the cows to go where I want them to go.
AJ: I gonna ride a pow.
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Mrs Pseudo (responding to some wrongdoing) - "If you're naughty, then Santa doesn't bring you as many presents."
Pseudo's 7 yr old daughter - "I don't believe that, I think that's a myth."
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*learning letters with 5 yr old daughter (ie. the 7 yr old cynic's little sister)*
Pseudo - "Write a big 'A'"
*5 yr old daughter writes a big 'A'*
Pseudo - "Now a little 'A'"
*5 yr old daughter writes a little 'a'*
Pseudo - "Write a big 'B'"
*5 yr old daughter writes a big 'B'*
Pseudo - "Now a little 'B'"
*5 yr old daughter writes a little 'b'*
Pseudo - "Write a big 'C'"
*5 yr old daughter writes a big 'C'*
Pseudo - "Now a little 'C'"
*5 yr old daughter writes a little 'c'*
Pseudo - "Write a big 'D'"
*5 yr old daughter writes a big 'D'*
Pseudo - "Now a little 'D'"
*5 yr old daughter writes a little 'd'*
Pseudo - "Write a big 'E'"
*5 yr old daughter writes a big 'E'*
Pseudo - "Now a little 'E'"
*5 yr old daughter writes a little 'e'*
Pseudo - "Write a big 'F'"
*5 yr old daughter writes a big 'F'*
Pseudo - "Now a little 'F'"
*5 yr old daughter writes a little 'f'*
Pseudo - "Write a big 'G'"
*5 yr old daughter writes a big 'G'*
Pseudo - "Now a little 'G'"
*5 yr old daughter writes a little 'g'*
Pseudo - "Write a big 'H'"
*5 yr old daughter writes a big 'H'*
Pseudo - "Now a little 'H'"
*5 yr old daughter writes a little 'h'*
Pseudo - "Write a big 'I'"
*5 yr old daughter writes a big 'I'*
Pseudo - "Now a little 'I'"
*5 yr old daughter writes a little 'i'*
Pseudo - "Write a big 'J'"
*5 yr old daughter writes a big 'J'*
Pseudo - "Now a little 'J'"
*5 yr old daughter writes a little 'j'*
Pseudo - "Write a big 'K'"
*5 yr old daughter writes a big 'K'*
Pseudo - "Now a little 'K'"
*5 yr old daughter writes a little 'k'*
Pseudo - "Write a big 'L'"
*5 yr old daughter writes a big 'L'*
Pseudo - "Now a little 'L'"
*5 yr old daughter writes a little 'l'*
Pseudo - "Write a big 'M'"
*5 yr old daughter writes a big 'M'*
Pseudo - "Now a little 'M'"
*5 yr old daughter writes a little 'm'*
Pseudo - "Write a big 'N'"
*5 yr old daughter writes a big 'N'*
Pseudo - "Now a little 'N'"
*5 yr old daughter writes a little 'n'*
Pseudo - "Write a big 'O'"
*5 yr old daughter writes a big 'O'*
Pseudo - "Now a little 'O'"
*5 yr old daughter writes a little 'o'*
Pseudo - "Write a big 'P'"
*5 yr old daughter writes a big 'P'*
Pseudo - "Now a little 'P'"
*5 yr old daughter writes a little 'p' (after stifled giggle)*
Pseudo - "Write a big 'Q'"
*5 yr old daughter writes a big 'Q'*
Pseudo - "Now a little 'Q'"
*5 yr old daughter writes a little 'q'*
Pseudo - "Write a big 'R'"
*5 yr old daughter writes a big 'R'*
Pseudo - "Now a little 'R'"
*5 yr old daughter writes a little 'r'*
Pseudo - "Write a big 'S'"
*5 yr old daughter writes a big 'S'*
Pseudo - "Now a little 'S'"
*5 yr old daughter writes a little 's'*
Pseudo - "Write a big 'T'"
*5 yr old daughter writes a big 'T'*
Pseudo - "Now a little 'T'"
*5 yr old daughter writes a little 't'*
Pseudo - "Write a big 'U'"
*5 yr old daughter writes a big 'U'*
Pseudo - "Now a little 'U'"
*5 yr old daughter writes a little 'u'*
Pseudo - "Write a big 'V'"
*5 yr old daughter writes a big 'V'*
Pseudo - "Now a little 'V'"
*5 yr old daughter writes a little 'v'*
Pseudo - "Write a big 'W'"
*5 yr old daughter writes a big 'W'*
Pseudo - "Now a little 'W'"
*5 yr old daughter writes a little 'w'*
Pseudo - "Write a big 'X'"
*5 yr old daughter writes a big 'X'*
Pseudo - "Now a little 'X'"
*5 yr old daughter writes a little 'x'*
Pseudo - "Write a big 'Y'"
*5 yr old daughter writes a big 'Y'*
Pseudo - "Now a little 'Y'"
*5 yr old daughter writes a little 'y'*
Pseudo - "Write a big 'Z'"
5 yr old daughter (outraged) - "Hey! You're getting me to do the whole alphabet!!"
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Trey (5 yr old): "Mommy! I figured out how to turn on the light in my room!"
Me: "How? How can you reach that?"
Trey: "Um... I'm not going to tell you because it sounds bad."
(the only way to turn on the light was by the pull string... from the fan.... on the ceiling... I still have no idea how he did it, but we have since extended the pull string to prevent whatever it was)
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*Dinner time in the Pseudonym household. 3 x kids gathered at the table eating away happily, discussing whatever kids discuss ... until*
7 Year old daughter - "Daddy, what size underpants are you?"
Aaah, so many lines. None of them appropriate.
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My nieces, ages 7 and 8 were discussing what would happen to them or where would they go should something happen to their parents. One of them is my brother's daughter, and the other is actually a ward of my parents that used to be a foster sibling (long story, too confusing) My mother's birthday was this week and my brother's daughter said to the other "Well, if something happened to my parents, I could come and live here with Memere and Grandpa, but if something happens to them... where are YOU going to go?" My mother (Memere) ended up overhearing and asked why they were discussing her death because she could easily have another thirty or more years left in her, maybe even more. My brother's daughter said, "Well, Memere, you are kinda old...."
My mom looked at her and said, "Ashleigh... I'm only fifteen years older than your mother."
Then she looked at Melina, her "daughter" and said, "Seriously... how old do you think I am that you think I'm going go keel over and die tomorrow?"
Melina looked at her a few moments and then said, "I dunno... like... 12?"
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5yr old: "Look Mommy! We're feeding the dinosaurs!"
Mommy: "Um... What are you feeding them?"
5yr old: "Man."
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this thread almost makes me want to have kids.... almost.
:D
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Me: "Hey AJ, who do you love?"
AJ: "I don' wub poop."
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While trying to get my 2 yr old to eat his dinner last night, we were attempting to use some "reverse psychology"
So.... I told him that it was his last chance, and if he didn't want me to eat it, he'd have to eat it. So... he let me put a bite in his mouth. Grandpa said, "Hey! That's mine!"
So, AJ took the bite of food back out of his mouth (a piece of pork) and handed to his grandpa saying, "here you doh!"
Yeah... we didn't get him to eat last night.
psychology fail.
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7 year old son playing the piano this morning, dad comes out of the bathroom and says "Hey son thank you for the wonderful music this morning." To which he replies "You're welcome daddy, did it help you poop?"
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This is what was on my son's drawing he brought home from school today:
"My favorite animal is.....a Dragon!
The red dragon is casting fire!
My green dragon is passing gas, cause that's what green dragons do."
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He'll be a good RPer yet ;)
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Me to the 2 yr old: "AJ, what is in your mouth? Spit it out!"
The 2 yr old spits out the top to a plastic water bottle.
Me: "AJ don't chew on water bottle caps. Do not put these in your mouth, okay?"
2 yr old: "otay Mommy."
Me to the hubby: "You know he gets this from you, don't you?"
Hubby, while, with a pathetic attempt to look innocent, he moves a bottle cap to his cheek that he's been chewing on, "What? I don't know what you're talking about...." *shifty*
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While getting in the car today:
AJ: "I has wots o' toys."
Me: "yep"
AJ: "You has wots o' narn." (yarn)
Me: "yep, I do."
AJ: "Daddy has wots o' pood." (food)
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5 yr old daughter - "Daddy, what is Heaven like?"
Pseudo - "No-one knows exactly for sure."
7 yr old daughter - "I do"
Pseudo - "Oh really? What's it like?"
7 yr old daughter - "It's just like Earth except they don't have cars, they have carts ... and you can walk through walls."
5 yr old daughter (outraged) - "What about changerooms?"
7 yr old daughter (smugly) - "Of course it's except for changerooms."
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AJ (2yr old): "I put my toobwuss inna enty wahbottow"
Me: "AJ, don't put the toothbrush in the empty waterbottle."
AJ: "It not enty. It ha' toobwuss innit."
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Aerimor: "Hey!"
Alatriel: "What?"
Aerimor: "Trey just pulled two sais out of his underwear and cut my arm off!"
Alatriel: "Why did he have his sais in his underwear?"
*face palm*
Aerimor: "Where else is he supposed to keep his sais?"
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Aerimor: "Hey!"
Alatriel: "What?"
Aerimor: "Trey just pulled two sais out of his underwear and cut my arm off!"
Alatriel: "Why did he have his sais in his underwear?"
*face palm*
Aerimor: "Where else is he supposed to keep his sais?"
I just don't want to know.
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I love how Aerimor is included in the parental vibe of "weird things my 'children' say." Very subtle.
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I love how Aerimor is included in the parental vibe of "weird things my 'children' say." Very subtle.
Heh... actually originally it was weird things parents say when dealing with their children, but it sort of morphed.
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Pseudo's 5 yr old daughter - "Daddy, can I have some of your coke?"
Pseudo (being a big hypocrite) - "No, it's not good for kids"
Pseudo's 5 yr old daughter - "But it makes me read better."
Pseudo - "You'll have to do better than that."
Pseudo's 5 yr old daughter - "It make me happier than you make me."
:(
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This is from a few years ago now, back when Natalya was about 5 (she is 10 in December).
*walking back from school*
Natalya:- I'm going to marry David and Stephan when I grow up
DMOE:- You can't marry two people sweetie
*Mummy is ignored as Natalya blathers on about marrying two people*
*rinse and repeat for about 2 weeks until....*
Natalya:- I'm going to marry David and Stephan when I grow up
DMOE:- Look, do you not think if you COULD marry two men then Mummy would have already? You know....Daddy and a younger, richer one too!!!
*Natalya considers for a short while*
Natalya:- Good point Mummy
The idea of marrying two men was never mentioned again
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*sat reading the diary Grandma had write for Gwilym's stay with Grandma and Granddad*
"Went for a walk in the woods to day with Granddad...Saw a dead rabbit....saw another dead rabbit...This one had drown! We knew this cause it was floating in the trough"
*looks to Egoober*
"Gee, I wonder where he gets the death fixation from"
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"you like this movie Trey?"
"Yeah, I do... because my grandpa... not my train grandpa, the other one... he put it on for me to watch it a hundred years ago."
"A hundred years ago? Really?"
"Yeah... it was way before I turned 5"
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5 yr old: "Mommy! Look at what I found! It's a car that I used to have a long time ago when I was still a little boy!"
Me: "Trey... you're still a little boy. You had that car last week."
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This morning.
Pseudo's 5 yr old daughter - "Where's Daddy?"
Mrs Pseudo - "He's still in bed."
Pseudo's 5 yr old daughter - "Is he work asleep or lazy asleep?"
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We were sitting at the Mexican restaurant tonight and my husband was telling my father-in-law about the show on the history channel that he and Trey were watching together on History's Greatest Tank Battles.
The waiter came up in the middle and was trying to get our order and Trey said "Grandpa, and the Canadians had a suprise. Wanna know what it was?! They all got killed!"
The waiter just sort of stopped, jaw dropping slightly...
Later on, the waiter was refilling the drinks, and the boys were still talking about this show, but now discussing which one they liked the best. Trey once again stunned the waiter when he said "I liked the one with the Canadians the best. They all died."
Yeah... I swear it wasn't as bad as it sounded... I hope!
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Found this on reddit. Will always think of this from now on when I hear the phrase "cute enough to eat!"
(http://i.imgur.com/eIRj2.png)
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That poor kid looks terrified though :(
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Trey: "Daddy, all ants live in the ground."
Aerimor: "Are you sure about that?"
Trey: "Yep. All ants live under the ground."
Aerimor: "Well, what about the ones that live in trees?"
Trey: "Oh... those are treants."
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Trey: "Mommy! Daddy's character Aerimor changes into a dragon just like in Narnia number three!"
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Trey: "Mommy! Daddy's character Aerimor changes into a dragon just like in Narnia number three!"
Trey, no spoilers! lol
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Trey and AJ are outside this morning drawing with sidewalk chalk. Trey came back in and said "Mommy, Mommy! Come see my picture!" So... out we went.
Trey: "Look, Mommy, I drew summer. This is a sun, and these here are the rain drops... and here's a rainbow, and this is the grass, and this is a white car driving down the road. Oh... and here's a tree."
Me: "That's fantastic! Great job! Are you going to draw more to it?"
Trey: "Yeah, I'm going to make the road longer I think."
Me: "AJ, what are you drawing?"
AJ: "A big line."
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Me: "AJ, when I tell you to stop hitting the wall, what do you do?"
AJ: "Stop hittin' da wall."
Me: "And when I tell you to come here, what do you do?"
AJ: "I stop hittin da wall." *wis fail*
Me: "No, when I call you and tell you to come here, what do you do?"
AJ: "Stop hittin' da wall."
Me: "AJ, if I tell you to do something, do you tell me 'no'?"
AJ: *grins slightly.* "Yeah..." *charisma check = 20*
Me: *Will save = 1 Discipline save = 1*
I think I need to hide his dice...
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Sitting in the car yesterday, Aerimor was driving, I was in the passenger seat. Trey sat behind Aerimor, and AJ sat behind me. Trey continued to kick Aerimor's seat and put his feat on his daddy. AJ apparently thought it was funny. So... AJ decided to put his feet up just under the headrest of my seat so that his feet touched the sides of my face.
Me: AJ get your feet off of me!
AJ: It wasn't me! It was Daddy!
I wonder where he got that from? *sidelong glance at Aerimor*
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Ok I had to run to the PC and share this one. My yourngest daughter who is now 10 was just told to sort out her underwear drawer and take out the ones that were too small. So I hear her and her older sister(12) from her room....
Hey put them on the cat!! So I chime back.... Please don't put your underwear on the cat!
.
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"AJ, where are your pants?"
"I'm Underwear Man"
"You're Underwear Man?"
"Yep. I turned into Super AJ. I changed."
"Ah, so you wear underwear for that?"
"Yep. I'm Super Underwear AJ Man."
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Trey: "There's a tornado coming for your tower!"
AJ: "Stop tomato!"
Trey: "No, not tomato, tornado! You said tomato."
AJ: "Tormato?"
Trey: "No! Tor- na- do. Tornado."
AJ: "Tor-ma-do."
Trey: *sighs* "It's not a tomato."
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Trey: "There's a tornado coming for your tower!"
AJ: "Stop tomato!"
Trey: "No, not tomato, tornado! You said tomato."
AJ: "Tormato?"
Trey: "No! Tor- na- do. Tornado."
AJ: "Tor-ma-do."
Trey: *sighs* "It's not a tomato."
Nearly wet myself laughing at this.
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Me: AJ stop! Go sit at the table with your sandwich. No, not the stairs, the TABLE!
AJ: But I can't find the table.
Me: Yes you can. It's that big wooden thing right there in front of your face!
AJ: But that's not the table. It's not black.
Me: Yes. That's the table. Sit there.
AJ: Tables are black. This is not black. This is not the table.
Me: Are you sitting there?
AJ: Yes.
Me: Good. That's the table.
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My girlfriends daughter...
Her: Can I have a Popsicle? (holding a sucker)
Me: We don't have any.
Her: yes we do! (looking down at the sucker)
Me: No we don't.
Her: ummm... (stares at the sucker in her hand) can I have a this popsicle?
Me: Popsicles are frozen.
Her: Ooooohhh! Can I have a sucker?
Me: sure...
(and she's 9.......)
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Aerimor reading the book Zoophabets: W is for Wob. He lives in Wooden Indians. He eats wampum, wigwams, heap big whitefish, woolen blankets, wagon wheels, and warpaint.
Trey: What's war paint?
Aerimor: When Native Americans used to go to war they used to paint themselves so that people would know that they were out for a fight. It would tell the other person "You don't want to be in front of me because I'm one bad dude."
Trey: Or they could just paint their faces like clowns.
Aerimor: Um... I'm not sure if that would have the same effect, what do you think Mommy?
Alatriel: Well, some people are afraid of clowns...
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After soaking some sippy cup tops in bleach water, I was checking on them and then pulling up the drain up with barbecue tongs.
Aerimor: "Hey, how does your wife wash dishes?" "My wife washes dishes with barbecue tongs!"
Me: Oh hush, you know what I was doing.
Aerimor: Yeah, but it was still funny.
Me: Well laugh it up fuzzball.
Aerimor: AJ, did you just hear that? Mommy just called me a wookie!
Me: There's only one wookie in my life, baby, and that's you.
AJ: There's only one wookie in my life, and that's Mommy!
The things they say when they have no idea what it is they're saying...
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Priceless
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Woooooooooooooooooo!!!!
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Last week I worked with individual 1st graders with their spelling words. One of their words was "We".
One kiddo spelled it.. WII...
Same day, same word, this kiddo a tad bit more savvy at least asked first.. WII the game or we as in the word?
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Me to the 9 yr old boy that comes over after school every day: "Stop rapping and do your homework."
9 yr old: "What's rapping?" *mock innocence*
Trey (5 yrs): "It's being annoying!"
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Ok have to share this one.
My girls had a trick or treat night at the youngest (10yrs) school. Each of them were given a certificate to some local pet shop for a free goldfish.
So they ask... can we get our goldfish and give it to Spencer? (our cat) So I reply with an emphatic NO!.... But Dad..... its a free fish!
.
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You said WHAT to your kid? (http://www.danoah.com/2011/10/you-said-what-to-your-kid-3.html)
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You said WHAT to your kid? (http://www.danoah.com/2011/10/you-said-what-to-your-kid-3.html)
Yeah, laughed so hard.
My gem of a parental quote from yesterday was "No! Stop that! Crayons do NOT belong in your nose!"
that and one one from the last several weeks has been "I swear if I see one more rainbow colored poop from the dogs because you kids leave your crayons on the floor you won't be coloring for a long long time."
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"Toys do not need to hide in Mommy's stuffing."
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True tale from today.
*Driving to the hardware store, when from out of the blue ...*
Pseudoette Junior (Age 7) - "Can I ask you a question?"
Pseudo - "Sure"
Pseudoette Junior (Age 7) - "Dad, if you had to choose, would you rather die painfully or just die?"
Pseudo - "Ummm, in your scenario, can I choose to live?"
Pseudoette Junior (Age 7) - "No, that's not an option"
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Bedtime in the Pseudo household (where I am quickly picking up on a theme).
Pseudo - "Nigh, night. Love you more than Christmas"
Pseudoette #2 (Age 6) - "Ummm, love you the same as Christmas"
*moments later*
Pseudo - "Nigh, night. Love you more than Birthdays"
Pseudoette #1 (Age 8 ) - "Love you more than your birthday"
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Trey: "Mommy, AJ can't say Vehren's Day."
Me: "Veteran's Day?"
Trey: "Well, I call it Vehren's Day."
Me: "Right, but it's actually Veteran's Day. Do you know what Veteran's Day is for?"
Trey: "Yeah. It's when you get to see Captain America."
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While making turkey and dumplings for dinner...
Trey: "Mommy, what's that you're putting in there?"
Me: "Chicken broth. Why?"
Trey: "Oh. I thought it was puke."
Me: "No, I don't put puke in our food, thanks."
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"Don't erase the dog."
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Last night, AJ to Aerimor:
"Daddy! Whap me in the face again!"
(he'd been playing with him with a sock...)
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This morning, while snuggling with the youngest on the couch, I whispered in his ear "I love you to the stars and back." He responded, "I love you to the dog."
The dog was 3 feet away.
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Aww! But look at it this way! After he gets up to hug the dog he'll come right back to you! :)
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Trey (Age 6): Mom! Where'd you get those cool hand scanner lights?
Me: What are you talking about?
Trey: The lights! There's one in my bedroom and one in the bathroom.
Me: You mean the new nightlights?
Trey: Yeah! They're hand scanners!
Me: Um... well...
Trey: Yeah, I put my hand up to them and it scans it and then the light comes on!
(light sensing led nightlights apparently -do- look like hand scanners)
And the other one...
AJ (Age 3.5): I want to be a ninja!
Me: You are a ninja.
Trey: Yeah, AJ, you're a ninja except you don't say "Hoooooooaaaaaahhhhhhh!"
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From the Knowledge and Motivation files, Fail section (words are my husband's, not mine):
ARGH! I am trying to impress on Ethan the importance of brushing his teeth, so I made an analogy: Your mouth is a party. All these bacteria decide they want to have fun in your mouth, so they eat the leftover mac and cheese you had for dinner. What happens after you eat? You poop. So all these bacteria are eating and pooping eating and pooping when they realize that this party would be morefun if there were more of them. So they divide. Where there was one, there are two. Where there was two, there are four. Four become 8, 8 become 16, 16 become 32, 32 become 64 and so on until there are billions of bacteria eating and pooping in your mouth. Know how you make that stop? Brush your teeth.
Me: 'Wanna brush your teeth?'
Him: 'No! I want mac and cheese!'
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This thread is great!
Mine is 2 (Olivia, we call her Ollie)...Just started talking (and talking and talking) but, have a few of these...
When I explained to her one night that the sun goes down at night and comes up in the morning, she immediately started digging for the sun.
She is nothing but Ollie in her mind....Example: "Meow Meow", I say "Oh are you a kitty?" she says "No! Ollie!" or...I say "Ohhh, are you my cute baby?" "No dad, Ollie!"
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Me: AJ, if you have one apple and you add one more apple, how many apples do you have?
AJ (age 3 1/2): Two!
Me: Good! Okay, if you have two apples and you add two more apples, how many do you have?"
AJ: Four!
Me: That's fantastic! So if you have those four apples and you add two more, then how many do you have?
AJ: That's a lot of apples!
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We're going to head out on our weekend camping trip, and we've decided that we'll work on our PnP campaign world that we've been slowly writing up forever... unfortunately it's been a long time since we've worked on it and we lost some of our write ups. So I looked at Aerimor and asked him:
"Hey, do you remember what our world is called?"
AJ (3.5), excited that he knew the answer, quickly answered.
"EARTH!"
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And you dared to call me Dork?
heh
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Tonight, 5 minutes (literally) after I put the kids to bed.
Trey (6.5): *Coming down the stairs* Mom, I can't sleep.
Me: You haven't been up there long enough to go to sleep, go back to bed.
Trey: No, it's the station, it's making too much noise. It keeps talking.
Me: The what?
Trey: The Transformers station... you know, the one that AJ got for Christmas? It keeps making noise and talking.
Me: So turn it off and then go back to bed.
Trey: No, I don't want to get out of bed!
Me: You got out of bed and came downstairs to tell me you don't want to get out of bed to turn off a noisy toy?
Trey: Well... yeah...
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Isn't it nice to be wanted? Remember this in about 5 years.
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I don't have kids but my clients do
From a 7-8 year old child with a very serious question.
Mom- if they take out a dog's universe but leave in the overalls - can she still have puppies?"
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I come home from work to find my son's Halloween costume has arrived. Immediately he puts it on (Thor) and starts stomping around the house waving his plastic hammer in a way that made Thor's mother giggle uncontrollably. This made Thor scowl and flex his padded cloth muscles. Thor, however, must still do his chores and so I instruct him to do so to which he replies,
"Superheroes don't have to do chores."
"Oh, really. What do superheroes do then?"
"Go around helping people. And read comic books!"
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AJ: Mommy, my teacher's birthday is next.
Me: Yeah? How old is she going to be, did she tell you?
AJ: Yeah! She's going to be a hundred!
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Some quotes from our recent camping trip:
Random man walks past us near the top of the waterfalls and sees Aerimor's Michigan t-shirt. Man says to Aerimor, "Michigan State is better."
Aerimor grins a bit and says, "Well, I guess we'll see on Saturday!"
AJ (4 yr old) starts muttering under his breath, "He's going to lose."
Aerimor and I start to laugh and tell him he should tell that to the other man.
AJ turns to the man and points at him and shouts "You're gonna LOSE!"
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We were in the car at the state park and we said "Look! There's a deer! Look at the deer boys!"
AJ: "Run it over with the car!!!"
***********
Trey (6-1/2), while looking at one of his grandfather's trains: "This is so cool, Grandpa! I like this train, where did you get it?"
Grandpa: "Oh, that's something Memere (grandma) got for me, and I'm not really all that fond of it I guess."
Trey, with a very leading tone: "So.... Do ya... want it?"
(5 minutes later, the boys had managed to break it)
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Just one of those things you catch yourself yelling and thank god no one else is there to hear it...
"ETHAN! LESS HAMSTER! MORE CLEANING!" (Zhu Zhu pet, for the uninitiated).
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Just one of those things you catch yourself yelling and thank god no one else is there to hear it...
"ETHAN! LESS HAMSTER! MORE CLEANING!" (Zhu Zhu pet, for the uninitiated).
I've said something similar... but it was my son's hamster on ABCmouse.com
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Lianna calls Nancy into her room to look at a drawing saying, "Hey Mom! Come look!" So, Nancy goes in and stares at the paper for a second or so and says, "So I've come in here to look at a green line?" To which Lianna responds, "Yeah, but there's gonna be more!"
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AJ's playing with his Playmobil knights this morning and this is the conversation he's having:
(in a deep voice): You trickful zombie, why did trick?
(in a high pitched voice): Because my master told me to!
(in a deep voice): That is bad... you must be destroyed!!!
Yes... he's turned half of his Playmobil people into Zombies with their arms straight out in front of them, and he's having the rest of the knights go destroy the undead.
I think I'm sort of proud.
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My oldest Daughter (14, 15 mid Jan.) came home one day last week and said she joined a D&D group at her highschool. She said the boys in it were like... uh... your're a girl! We've never had a girl want to play D&D! I gave her a big hug.... That's my girl! And we spend most of the night talking about D&D stuff. ;)
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Rock on, G. Rock on.
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We stopped by the Hobby Corner and got her own set of dice too! ;)
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On my birthday...
Oldest son: "Hey mom? Were people on Earth before 1981?"
Me: "Uh, since that's the year I was born... yeah."
Youngest son: "That's when people were still really new."
And another car ride:
Oldest son: "Mom, Dad, what's roleplaying?"
Me: "It's playing pretend but with a 'cooler' name."
Aerimor: "It's not that much cooler..."