Author Topic: Rules for Dating my Daughter (Read 962 times)

ZeroVega · « **Reply #20 on:** September 14, 2005, 02:17:00 pm »

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Zhofe - 9/12/2005 10:17 PM I have a little sister. Any of her boyfriends won't take long to figure out who the creep in the black van who has been following them is ..... it won't matter for too long after he finds out either ... dead men don't care ... Do you know there are about 21 different ways to kill a man with a spoon?

*starts countin on his fingers*
One... two... three... *a few moments later* Elven... huh, and you say twenty one? Amazing...

Kapitän Awesome · « **Reply #21 on:** September 14, 2005, 02:31:00 pm »

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Zhofe - 9/12/2005 10:17 PM
Do you know there are about 21 different ways to kill a man with a spoon?

Twenty one ways, you say? I know of about...5 or so (I lead a sheltered life |-) ) So if you could just send me that list...

Zhofe · « **Reply #22 on:** September 14, 2005, 03:09:00 pm »

I will list a few of the weirder ones.

#12 - the Spoony Strangle -

Catch the victim unaware, palming the spoon, then get close, for instance, spooning with the victim. Once close, press the spoon hard into the windpipe, crushing it.

#17 - The Lecter Way -

Drug a fellow, take the top of his head off with a bone saw, then spoon out his brain, cook it, and feed it to him.

#21 - The Snake Way

For our Metal Gear Solid fans, while wearing a bandanna sneak up behind the victim, spoon in hand. Now, press the spoon into their back as if it is a gun, and say in a gruff voice "Freeze." When they comply, and put their hands up, quickly grip them around the neck with your non-spoon hand, and do a sweeping kick to the back of their knees to bring them down. hold the spoon to their throat, and begin to interogate them. Once you have your answers, saw their juggular with the spoon until you break the skin, and they die.

feniox · « **Reply #23 on:** September 14, 2005, 03:42:00 pm »

I'd just like to point out that number 17 "The lecter way" is void, because bonesaws don't cut through healthy tissue, so the victim would have to have been dead for a while beforehand

Zhofe · « **Reply #24 on:** September 14, 2005, 03:45:00 pm »

Eh, then use a normal saw .... use something to take the top of the skull off ...

Worked in Hannibal ...

Kapitän Awesome · « **Reply #25 on:** September 14, 2005, 04:06:00 pm »

Hmmmm....I think I may use some of these at school...Thanks for the tips; now i can do my job professional-like |-)

feniox · « **Reply #26 on:** September 14, 2005, 04:29:00 pm »

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Zhofe - 9/14/2005 3:45 PM

Eh, then use a normal saw .... use something to take the top of the skull off ...

Worked in Hannibal ...

Hannibal wasn't real

Sorry to ruin the fun

IDii · « **Reply #27 on:** September 14, 2005, 04:53:00 pm »

Yeah, you can kill someone with a spoon.

Funny things they teach in the military eh?

Even if it was kind of a joke... hehe. Oh and it was a spoonfork anyway, but you could use it without the fork too...

Zhofe · « **Reply #28 on:** September 14, 2005, 06:04:00 pm »

*throws a spoon at Feninox*

Anyway ... to Idii, killing people with sporks or forks are completly different arts than with a spoon. I've also never been in the military .... so they could probably teach be a few new tricks.

lonnarin · « **Reply #29 on:** September 15, 2005, 06:30:00 am »

Nah, for real combat experience with kitchen utensils, ex-convicts have everyone beat. Read an article about a man who got a filed down toothbrush up the nose and through his brain. No matter how big one gets, the human body is a fragile little thing.

cappyra · « **Reply #30 on:** September 15, 2005, 11:17:00 am »

The Spoon #22

Yer take the spoon an gut them HAR! Yer I know spoons are dull... but it yer can do it... it jus takes awhile. . .

Talan Va'lash · « **Reply #31 on:** September 15, 2005, 11:55:00 am »

why are so many threads disgusting lately?

-TV

Doc-Holiday · « **Reply #32 on:** September 15, 2005, 02:18:00 pm »

All the pleasant ones are currently taken

please try again later

Kapitän Awesome · « **Reply #33 on:** September 15, 2005, 02:18:00 pm »

Human nature, my friend, human nature.

So...I never got those other spoon-tips *takes out a notepad*

ZeroVega · « **Reply #34 on:** September 15, 2005, 02:36:00 pm »

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Talan Va'lash - 9/15/2005 2:55 PM why are so many threads disgusting lately? -TV

Maybe you're just squeemish. Ever think about that Talan. Huh, didja? Maybe you're the one with the problem...

aragwen · « **Reply #35 on:** September 16, 2005, 12:53:00 am »

I have two daughters 3 and 5....and I can relate to those rules....
dont own a gun....but a crossbow is just as effective and very silent....*grins*
the saying goes: "if you have a boy your worry about him, if you have a girl you worry about the whole neigbourhood's boys"

Pseudonym · « **Reply #36 on:** January 09, 2007, 04:42:53 pm »

My three year old daughter proudly announces that she has a boyfriend (also aged three) last night and then today I discover this old thread .... I don't believe in coincidences.

DMOE · « **Reply #37 on:** January 09, 2007, 04:59:17 pm »

*laughs*
My 5 year daughter announced who she was going to marry and that she is going to have two children this week....As last year she was going to marry her female best friend I'm not worried.
Anyway....Daddy owns lots of swords.
Oh and my Dad used to have a nasty habit of walking into the lounge to meet a new boyfriend carrying a handgun which he would proceed to throw at said boyfriend saying "So what do you think of that"
Strangely enough I have two kids and live with the guy who checked it was in fact unloaded, the safety was in fact on and proceeded to discuss the merits & flaws of said handgun rather than just turning white and siting with it in his lap....And yeah...My Dad likes him

LynnJuniper · « **Reply #38 on:** January 09, 2007, 05:00:03 pm »

.....This makes me happy I don't have a dad.

My mom, however, Is worse.

Trust me, with dads its killing, with big brothers its killing with little brothers its kind of one on one spying.

With mothers you have the insta-gossip chain, so you WILL have the town watch of nosy women keeping an eye on you WHEREVER you happen to be.

Ugh.

Pseudonym · « **Reply #39 on:** January 09, 2007, 05:41:07 pm »

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DMOE - 1/10/2007 11:59 AM ...As last year she was going to marry her female best friend I'm not worried.

Hey, nuthin wrong with that! As long as they both grow up good looking and engage in plenty of healthy girl's sports, such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such and such. *Pseudonym nods his approval*