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Topic: Sensible Observations (Read 356 times)
Tobias
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Posts: 902
Thanked: 134 times
Sensible Observations
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on:
October 07, 2005, 07:42:00 am »
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1) When I die, I want to die like my grandfather--who died
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peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the
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passengers in his car."
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--Author Unknown
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2) Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle:
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"Take two aspirin" and "Keep away from children."
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--Author Unknown
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3) "Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so?
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There's a support group for that.
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It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar."
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--Drew Carey
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4) "The problem with the designated driver program, it's
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not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into
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doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night,
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drop them off at the wrong house."
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--Jeff Foxworthy
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5) "If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball
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and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the
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infant's life without even considering if there is a man on base."
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--Dave Barry
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6) "Relationships are hard. It's like a full time job, and
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we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend
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wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice.
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There should be severance pay, the day before they leave
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you, they should have to find you a temp."
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--Bob Ettinger
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7) "My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took
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her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said,
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'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.'"
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--Paula Poundstone
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"A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the
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authors of that study: "Duh."
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--Conan O'Brien
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9) "Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm
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halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God....
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I could be eating a slow learner."
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--Lynda Montgomery
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10) "I think that's how Chicago got started. Bunch of
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people in New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime
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and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough.
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Let's go west.'"
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--Richard Jeni
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11) "If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the
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impersonators would be dead."
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--Johnny Carson
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12) "Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography."
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--Paul Rodriguez
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13) "My parents didn't want to move to Florida,
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but they turned sixty and that's the law."
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--Jerry Seinfeld
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14) "Remember in elementary school, you were told that in
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case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line
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from smallest to tallest. What is the logic in that?
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What, do tall people burn slower?"
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--Warren Hutcherson
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15) "Bigamy is having one wife/husband too many.
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Monogamy is the same."
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--Oscar Wilde
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16) "Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a
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member of Congress.. But I repeat myself."
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--Mark Twain
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17) "Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student.
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At least they can find Afghanistan."
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--A. Whitney Brown
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18) "You can say any foolish thing to a dog,
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and the dog will give you a look that says,
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'My God, you're right!
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I never would've thought of that!'"
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--Dave Barry
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19) Do you know why they call it "PMS"?
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Because "Mad Cow Disease" was taken.
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--Unknown, presumed deceased
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20) "Everybody's got to believe in something.
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I believe I''ll have another beer."
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- W. C. Fields
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Marswipp
Sr. Member
Posts: 1128
Thanked: 7 times
Am I critically missing?
RE: Sensible Observations
«
Reply #1 on:
October 07, 2005, 04:09:00 pm »
Darn, not using linux at the moment... If I was, I would have posted some silly fortunes; although, I will do such later.
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Playing D&D 3.5e, D&D 5e, Pathfinder, and exploring Starfinder through a VTT
Kapitän Awesome
Jr. Member
Posts: 74
RE: Sensible Observations
«
Reply #2 on:
October 07, 2005, 04:28:00 pm »
Jeff Foxworthy is truly wise....I think, once I'm up at that age, I'm going to try that. Many, many, many times.
and by the way, I can find Afghanistan
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Marswipp
Sr. Member
Posts: 1128
Thanked: 7 times
Am I critically missing?
RE: Sensible Observations
«
Reply #3 on:
October 07, 2005, 06:49:00 pm »
Here are two fortunes:
We cannot command nature except by obeying her. -- Sir Francis Bacon
Nuclear war would mean abolition of most comforts, and disruption of normal routines, for children and adults alike. -- Willard F. Libby, "You Can Survive Atomic Attack"
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Playing D&D 3.5e, D&D 5e, Pathfinder, and exploring Starfinder through a VTT
Doc-Holiday
Full Member
Posts: 821
Thanked: 3 times
RE: Sensible Observations
«
Reply #4 on:
October 07, 2005, 07:56:00 pm »
There is an idiot on every bus, pray God have mercy if you can't find one. - me
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Marswipp
Sr. Member
Posts: 1128
Thanked: 7 times
Am I critically missing?
RE: Sensible Observations
«
Reply #5 on:
October 08, 2005, 08:55:00 am »
I found the following on google, the first link when searching for quotes.
http://www.quotationspage.com/
(Warning: that site has popups.)
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Playing D&D 3.5e, D&D 5e, Pathfinder, and exploring Starfinder through a VTT
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