Arkolio's guide to wooing the women PCs of Layo

[lonnarin]

32: Women LOVE musicians.  Remember to spend over 40k on your own music studio complete with drum machines, synthesizers and random equipment.  Don't even BOTHER practicing any musical instuments either.  When she asks you to play for her (because after all you tell her you're a musician 5x an hour) just fire up the turntables and play two records at once, horribly synched and shout "Yeah Yo!  I MAKE tha Music!"  Just kind of sit back and nod your head in tune... she'll TOTALLY think you're hardcore, even if you can't even play "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" on your 2000 dollar keyboards!  (met all too many people who fit that bill here in Orlando)

33. If your GF enjoys wearing tube-tops, be sure NOT to warn her to dress up when you take her to lunch with your right-wing 18th century fundamentalist grandmother.  She'll fully appreciate such honorary titles as "Harlot" and "Jezebel" from the old goat's 120-proof alcoholic gullet.

34: If she introduces you to any of her friends, don't even bother looking above the neck-line.  It'll make her proud to see that you have a keen appraising eye for the goods, and boilster her confidence in herself.

35:  Girls LOVE sockpuppets!  Put on your best childrens' show character voice and introduce her to Mr. Sweatystinks!  If she laughs a little and rolls her eyes, don't quit... keep talking to her with the sock puppet and refer to yourself in the third person.  When she finally tires of this, start becoming randomly angry and demanding that she either apologize to the inanimate figment or hit the road.  Remember to smash a bottle against the wall, shrieking in his voice... "You just don't like me because I have a sock for a hand! You're ALL the same!!!"

[merlin34baseball]

Um are you OK? We can send help... somehow, I think, Right?  I hope...

[Fadrien Gweth]

I'm not sure how Fadrien would feel about some of those....... I'd suggest against trying though

[Vyris]

I think Lonnarin is destined to have a series of very short term relationships... until word gets around, then he'll just be very lonely

Vyris

[Vyris]

36) Women like to make you THINK they want some time alone, but really what they want is for you to be near them all the time, so if she says she has to leave, follow her, if she sees you following her dive into some bushes or hide in a trashcan, let her see you though, so she knows your still with her. Then, when she gets where she is going creep up near her and breath heavily from the darkness. If she enters a house slip in through a window and find a dark closet to hide in. Failing that peering through whatever available window is the next best thing. If you lose track of her in the house just climb up top and walk around on the roof for a while.

37) Make things up about her and tell strangers, this will help her build her reputation. All women want everyone to know everything about them, whether it's true or not, it's part of their vanity.

38) If you happen to be a spellcaster and your lady love happens to be a fighting type, try to put her right on the edge of every AOE spell you have, this will let her know that you're thinking about her.

39) If you happen to be a spellcaster constantly buff the object of your affection with an eagles splendor spell, then stare at her chest, frown a bit then walk around to check out the back side. then go "Huh.." If you have an empowered eagles splendor spell cast that next and repeat. This will subtly let her know she needs to get out those bustercise and buns of adamantium work-along illusion scrolls and quit eating half a pecan pie a day.

40) Give her canteens of water, explain that all the sugar in the fruit juices and calories in wine and beer will just maker her fat(er).


Vyris

[Pseudonym]

To Lonnarin and Vyris,

I am seriously contemplating stepping down from my position of having the smoothest PC on server and handing the reins over to two such obviously accomplished romantics.

[lonnarin]

2 months of consecutive dating so far is my running record!  I feel vindicated though, for all of them moved way faster than I was expecting to at the time.  That makes me both irresistable AND incorrigible at once!  (whoah... erm, I just uh... wanted to kiss you goodnite, but... YEAH!)


41) Women love horror flicks; they're full of excitment.  Instead of taking her out to a resturaunt, instead invite her out to one and hold a graveyard picnic.  Make certain to set the towel right over a grave-site, and talk to the guy below as if he was still with you two there, in the realm of the living.  Pretend that he's your hired help, asking things like "Jeeves... wilst though fill our teacups? " then just kind of laugh randomly and shout, "Oh right, YOU'RE DEAD!"  When she asks to go home, begin to walk her to her car, then collapse down to one knee, grasping it frantically screaming "ITS GOT ME! ITS GOT MEEEE!" and somersault into the nearby bushes, making gargling noises like a yodelling water elemental.

42) Women LOVE contradiction, especially in religious fundamentals; it keeps them on their toes.  If she's Catholic, tell her you're Protestant.  If she's Protestant, tell her you're agnostic and don't even really KNOW what's out there.  If she's Agnostic, tell her you know Satan personally.  If asks you about it, just yell at her... "You're Agnostic, WHAT DO YOU KNOW?!"  If she's Nihilist, take her to a Boy Band concert and make fun of Peter Murphy. (with Love & Rockets, you'll have PLENTY of material)

43) If she ever winds up sleeping with your best friend, don't be alarmed.  Just kind of shrug and straight-faced tell her... "ABOUT TIME!  I've been trying to get you two to hit it off for MONTHS now, but you kept pawing at me!"  She'll suddenly get all confused and ego-hurt deciding to cheat on him with you this time around, because you're "unattainable".

44) Women are always on the lookout for a family-orientated man to settle down with.  Remember to at all times bring a family member to nights out, especially your over-bearing and over-critical mother or your dad who lounges around Sundays drunk in his boxer shorts.  This kind of commitment keeps her optimistic about the future.

45) In the heat of passion, never neglect the erogenous pleasure of the tongue to the ear.  What better way to remind her of the time the brain-slugs invaded Chekov in Wrath of Kahn to sap away his loyalty to Starfleet?  Just dig in there and scoop out as much ear-wax as you possibly can, hopefully until she attains bactrial infection!  (ugh, I had a GF who kept doing this and I HATE it with a passion.  It's like, what are you doing?!  GAH!  Now all I hear is you drooling and going "blaaaahhh")

[Wraithdur]

46. to spice up a relationship; try roleplay.
      i reccomend pen and paper dungeons and dragons

[Vyris]

47) Take a page from Bjornigar's playbook, and serve ogre baby for breakfast, or lunch, or dinner. It's the other grey/green meat!



Vyris

[lonnarin]

48) If she's a hobbit or just happens to enjoy walking around with bare feet, try bowling decapitated giant heads at them.  Keeping her on her toes will improve her reflexes and be much appreciated.

[Pseudonym]

*bored at work, dusts off this old thread*

#49.
Be a good father. A mother knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams. The man should endeavour to be vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

[gilshem ironstone]

#32. Make sure you always confuse her name with other girls names.  She will know then that you are only concerned with what is inside, not those superficial labels we put on people.

[lolli_gagged]

Well............ I Know I'm in love now!! lol

[bobby1361]

Lol
Probably just a lot of guys role-playing gals and they haven't fathomed how a Real Girl thinks yet.

I do that!