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Messages - Zoogmunch
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« on: September 11, 2011, 03:21:44 pm »
Grendola and the three greedy gnomes she'd fallen in with some days before burst from the door of the island crypt and falling down the stairs like one enormous pile of pots, pans and a huge green cauldron with legs attached they lurched forward pulling each other along. Having covered at least a hundred paces and passing by the tribal boundary they stopped to catch their breath.
At that point a poisonous dart bounced off the back of Grendola's helm and turning together Grendola and the naughty triplets watched as the tribe of cannibal goblins erupted en masse from the crypt all carrying wicked crystal knives and bone maces.
"Save us Aunty Gren" cried Hali, Mixima and Papilloma of the infamous Tosis tribe. Quickly looking up and heading straight towards the sun Grendola brought them swiftly to the cliff edge having not thought about the suns movements in the hours they'd spent below ground. The huge rollers crashed onto the thrusting volcanic rocks below and their little boat was all of a stones throw away but beyond their ability to get to it as the cliffpath path down was now beyond the goblin horde.
"save us Aunty Gren" cried the brothers and at that moment, perhaps following the rattling her brain had received when the dart hit, a thought entered Grendola's head (it found itself quite lonely and started running about shouting "help get me out of here"). Seizing the moment and her size 24 red polka dot "frilly" bloomers in one hand she gathered the three gnomes in the other and leaped. By luck rather than planning the bloomers caught the wind and ballooning the quartet sailed down towards their boat. Goblins hordes above still tell strange tales of the giant flying peach they saw that day but Grendola knows better.
Clambering into the boat the troublesome triplets quickly paddled out to find themselves hitting the surf, falling forward into the boat as the first wave struck Grendola found herself with helmet wedged at the gnomes feet and behind, well behind, but standing proudly in the air. Those cannibal goblins have strong stomachs but many lost control that day and to this day young goblins run to their beds and hide their heads in fear when the elders tell of the polka dot demon and the sea monsters maw.
( and its all totally true................................)
Red Polka Dot "Frilly" bloomers, Sizes 20-28, never leave home without them. At knockdown prices, also in green, from Miss Grendola Pigstrotter. 50 true a pair.
it is I Zoogmunch and having just had my cheque request for my third year of archery club membership I've been thinking about those sticks of woods with pointy bits attached and fevvers.....yes arrows!
At the end of last season I manged to hiit a 50 meter target but mostly missed. whilst spending ten minutes hunting for my arrows in the mud I had the thought......why oh why dont the folk of Layo do this, all those battles, all those misses, here must be hundreds of arrows just lying about for the picking up as nobody ever ever ever collects them.
So anyway, As Rockhead couldnt hit a haystack in a passage but he's a stingy penny pinching dwarf I reckon Layo owes me 52,463 arrows that he must have been and picked up.
Ps. does anyone have any understanding of physics as i now have 20 arrows in my quivver, 20 in a bag on my back, three stuffed down each sock, four held between my lips, 2 stuck in the hat and two pinches between those cheeks ( gawd knows how ill ever sit down) and I'm wondering where to stick the remainder of the 500 i bought....... please send suggestions via a postcard and owl mail to Rockhead via most taverns!
The slayer attached to the Vehl temple, Isherwood Smithson returns from cleansing the nearby crypt with the body of a halfling over his shoulder. After laying the body out for burial he reports the matter to his masters.
he tells of a cheap copper chain shirt found nearby, a shortsword dropped by the halfling but also of bloody footprints near the body. He indicates that he has cleared the levels of undead as per his rounds but suspects someone other than the roaming undead who wander the crypts is to blame.
He wanders the local eateries and taverns checking for bloodied boots.
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Recently in game Rhakt offered to help someone give birth ( cant tell you who or when as i'd have to kill you all) but I rp'd him giving some advice on the orc method ( made up in about 10 mins whilst afk on quest) but thought it might be of interest to everyone given the ceremony. Bit of Orc Lore if you will!
Orc are inherently violent creatures and both male and female orc practice self scarring, tattooing etc as a method of indicating tribal standing. A clean, unmarked orc is either a female of little standing ( in terms of dowry value because she has not succesfully brought offspring into the world or because she is a child) or is a diseased or deformed male (neither of which would normally survive longer than age 5 as at that point each an orc must battle for meat at its own table).
Orc females can birth female children in the usual manner after the 6 month carrying period is over and the lower level of pain that the mother endures during that period from internal biting is the surest sign of the offsprings gender. Orc male offspring, with larger teeth and stronger jaws generate far more pain for the mother and they grow for a further 2 months on average before birthing takes place.
For male offspring, given their larger size at month eight, only birth by extraction is possible. The clan shaman will take a ceremonial knife and casting flame upon it will make a deep lateral incision to remove the child. The flame of the blade cauterises the thick sub-dural layers of the orc females skins and following the birth giant fire ants are used to suture the wound. They are held to the skin until they bite and their bodies are then twisted leaving the heads in place.
In ceremonial terms this is the first set of ritual scarring of the male orc. They are blessed by blood and by flame as the knife will invariable wound the child and cauterise at the same time leaving either a vivid scar or series of burning welts on the orc male offspring. The tribe will always gather to hear the cries of the new born males pain as his entry into the tribe and as a gauge of his vitality.
The full grown male orc ( aged 12ish) will self scar to to commemorate a battle win and will tattoo to show rank in the tribe. The clan shaman is marked by tattoes transversed with fire welts as they undergo self burning with brands during regular ritual trance states. The drugs which allow pain to be born during this self mutilation remain a closely gaurded secret. essentially its a toxin which used in larger does will kill but on low does creates delirium.
//hoped you like it! Article on orc fashion next maybe?
Grendola was out shroom hunting in the spooky Krandor crypt and ventured a little further than usual. Some nasty undead attacked and she chopped off their fixed grins with a shiny greataxe.
Feeling an urge she checked their pockets and found at least five trues and an old dusty book ful of scribbles ( occ no reading ability Im afraid)
she popped into the bank to take out her saving as she was off to buy an nice lttle enhancement for that new addy greataxe.
Thinking about the book she excitedly she ran to Centre to ask Storold what he thought and with some advice from Duchess the three of them set off to the dunes past the halfling camp.
battling snakes and undead the made their way to the ruins but on the edge they were ambushed and eventually she fell to multiple attacks.
The soul mother , evil grin on her pockmarked face, rose out of the ground and snatched another starnd from the terrified butcher who fell lifeless to the ground.
Her purse fell open and 4k of trues rolled away into the sand dunes and she awoke in Centre. She sat sipping water until the headache passed and then went back to knitting a pair of purple bloomers for an odd order from an elderly dwarf.
/occ xp gain for loads of massive kills about 25xp total with Storold ( i killed em all meself honest!!) , lost strand ( 6 down), lost trues and nowt but a bronze sword ter show fer it lovvies........bad bad day.didnt even get ter wash me hair so i cant blame that.
Duchess, Storold, hope yer found the treasure otherwise depression could easily set in. Anyone finds any bacon butties in the sand they belong ter me right!!!
Whilst running about with Sehky and Breanna the loverly Grendola suggested Sehky wrap his wounds in some strips of bacon she just happened to have on her person. Ha ha I thought.......................................but
have just checked on the mighty web and found....................
If you have a splinter or anything lodged under the skin, place a piece of raw pork bacon fat on the wound. Tape it with 1st aid tape, and the next day, the splinter will be to the top of the wound, so you'll be able to pull it out with a pair of disinfected tweezers. (for some items, it might take 2 days to work) This might sound like an old wives tale, but it does work!
Ha!! Grendola Pigstrotter the Cleric!
Rockhead slurps his twelth pint of ale at the tavern to celebrate his good fortune. The barkeep asks what the celebration is for and Rocky, in his drunken state takes out a small pounch and shows the cut diamond he found earlier exlaining that his luck has finally come in.
The barkeep turns and posts a notice on the lost and found board describing Rocky to a tee and telling what he found.
Rocky starts to cry in his beer and appears unconsolable.
occ//tell me wher yer lost it and it yers. Kylie,sehky might be missing it
whilst strolling through centre i casually whacked the suit of armour hanging up and now even the cows and chickens hate me.................lol
can anyhting be done for poor rhakt as 'd hate to dine on beef and chicken when there are elves about.
Rhakt U bhaak................ Orc shamen
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Riichaard of leriingaard wishes to purchase a scroll of firebrand. I have searched high and low through the shops.
can anyone scribe one for me. Would be happy to meet in vehl to purchase if the price is right.
If you can scribe this you may be one who has power in his heart! I would love to meet you and discuss such power.
*sharpens his dagger and laughs in possibly an orcish shamen cannibal manner*
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Deepest apologies from me to whoever had their horse just inside the spellgaurd gate.
Got a little distracted by RL whilst playing Gren so have to admit to not concentraing on the game and having fought some scorpions ran into town. I was followed by two large ones which I fought at the gate but I got killed and they went on to attack the horse that was there killing it and then ran off into town.
I cant say I have any excuses. Dont really know why I did it either.
just very very sorry to who ever.
See Gren in game and she can discuss servitude as repayment or other recompense.
I was chatting with Lily Hathren the other day about what brownies might ride suggesting dogs are too big and she thought maybe the cat?
Lily, try looking at Gigglerific | myLifetime.com
there's a terrific little horse theer that would suit you down to the ground.
Havent seen one for sale around layo yet though.
Just been looking through the Guild etc Membership lists and I'm feeling left out. Every deity under the sun and out of it gets a mention but poor old Pyrtechon is left out in the cold......................well the warmth.....ok the fire.
Please can Rhakt have a little group for Orc.......shamen.......cannibal.....followers of Pyrtechon. I know it might it might be a small group but i have a great idea for a club badge.
..................are scorched heads on sticks allowed? it is barbeque season isnt it?
Rhakt ( sits and sulks in the corner)
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Tired of polishing out those rust stains in your armour?
Have those leggings developed green knees from knelling praying in the forest ter get yer spells back?
Has yer clothes got scorch burns from running ahead of your "friends" just before they cast fireball?
Rockhead Howling Wolf, 10th level alchemist has the potions fer you!
New Killit Bang! comes in handy little easy ter pack in rucksack vials and cleans the grime out of the world of adventuring. It's like nothing in this world yerve heard of!
Only 500 trues a bottle!
Rockhead Howling Wolf.
( apologies to anyone who doesnt get it, maybe the tradename is UK only!)
« on: March 10, 2010, 03:08:46 am »
Rhakt sits under cover of the low branches of the trees all around him. A nice spot on the edge of this copse of spruce. The heat of the nearby fire barely felt upon his acid etched skin. He watches the sparks and the light playing amonst the embers keenly aware of the white bones that litter the camp.
Lying too close to a fire is a deathwish. Who would lie in the light? The body may be warm but both the cld and the darkness protect the orc. Darkness and darkvision are his allies.
Rhakts deep set red eyes constantly flick from tree to tree around him. In the trance like state between waking and deep sleep he can watch for hours. Watching, waiting for the intruder to step within his sphere, his world of pain. He waits for the villain, the bandit, the murderer, the unwary, the hunter................all become the hunted.
On many such a night he has watched the embers smoulder and hear the crunch of leaf or twig under foot. natural traps for the heavy footed. Slowly rising from his stupor with wicked grin and laughter almost bursting from his chest e trails the victim to the fire, his camp, his pit, his web for the unwary. Casting his magical daze he stuns the victim like the spider and then looming over ts paralsed form he casts flame after flame from his gnarled fingers until the human flesh crackles and the screams die down.
Hiis thoughts return to the past few days in this strange land and his encounters. He ponders the white clad gnome, too small a morsel to satisfy his thirt for blood, who wandered the crypt of Vehl with him healing him without threat or torture. later that day the same small man came to his aid in the gloomy forest only to run off after the prize cloak was won and Rhakts gazes and drooling jaw turned to concentrate on him. His little legs a furry of activity as Rhats laughter filled the forest wth foreboding.
He reflects upon his trip into the settlement of Krandor. Sneaking from house to house under the cover of dark he had followed his nose as it led to a find. Drawn to the aroma of death and dying floating on the early morning breeze he had cret into the hospice and eyed its inabitants with longing.the door had not even been bolted. following the smell of blood he had found a basket of the limbs emoved that day ( no doubt in an effort of th ehelers to save one or two that day)and had helped himslef to the brawny arm he found there, almost war and still bearing the toranite symbol of its former owner. Food packaged and eady to go he thought. What wonders the world provides. He had almost laughed out loud with joy.
Finding the chest deeper in the building had made the journey worthwhile. It had been filled with an assortment of human instruments. Stealing a set of Pan pipes prooved an easy task and just now thinking about them he looked down in the dark to review the bloodstains on his arms.
In the early hors of dawn that followed he had snuggled dwn into rhodadendron bushes on the outskirts of Wayfare. playing a slow orcish tune with haunting meoldy he had, half unseen, waited for the children of the tented vllage. Minutes later they appeared on the edge ofthe forest and he played to them. playing the forest fawn he had thrown them berries but they came not closer, quickly loosing interest in him and wary of the wod they had turned and ran off laughing. Rhakt too laughed as the strong amongst them ran fast but the pale little one could only run slowly. Too too slowly for Rhakt.
Rhakts eyes returned to the crackling bones in the embers and picked the grissle from his teeth.
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The dwarf bard Rockhead Howling Wolf sits in front of his fire as the last embers burn out and the cold sets in. He fingers his purse and feels the small coin stuck in its corner and begins to ponder lack of fortune, wealth, fame and power.
"mmmmmmm" *he strokes his moustache and a huge grin forms on his face*
* he dashes off to a large chest in the corner and finds a small bag filled with colured pastels, theatre wax and a variety of odd clothing*
Sometime later in downtown Leringard............................
,,,,??? POW! BANG! THUD!
The merchant Barnaby Pickles, purveyor of fine spices, potions and tonics steps of the boat in Leringard. He makes his way to the fountain and sets up a stall.
He sings a ballad of the days of old when thing were better for all and prices were low and people had no cares for the world or its hardship.
A crowd gathers.....................
"Now then my dears, ave i got a surprise for you today. Look upon me tables here. There be wonders to behold before yous. At a price yer can buy yer wildest dreams all nicely parcelled up or contained in the smallest drops of liquid.
Yerve sufered hardships yer have but I'm here ter help yer. Dont go them churches of Toran or them Rofies, what'll they give yer but laws and pain. Doe sthey ease yer woes on a daily basis........i ask yer does they?......I cant hear yer.....does they? the answer is no!
*holds up a bottle of brown liquid*
Now this here is Barnaby Pickles' famous Health Restorative and Tonic. Its all the rage in Western gate but I've managed ter hold on ter a few bottles for the folk of Leringard. Now it retails at a hunnerd true at Western Gate but I aint asking yer fer a hunnerd true"
*gasps around the crowd*
" I aint asking yer fer eighty true and i aint asking yer fer seventy true....now can i do better than that missus i hear you asking.....well i'm here to say i can.....just fer you....just today.....i'm not asking fer sixty true, im not asking fer sixty-five true, fer you just today yer can this cure all for the measly sum of fourty nine true and whatever coppers yer have in yer pockets. Now i cant say fairer than that can ? 'm practically given um away today, me wife will kill me when she hears!
Now who's gonner be first, just line up here and I'll get right ter yer...
*perform check equals 62*
* they form and queue and an hour later he packs up his empty stall and runs*
attached are a few shot of this newcomer to Leringard, please ignore any illusions of names that you may see floating above his head, you've had to much of his tonic!
« on: December 23, 2009, 08:10:03 am »
Isherwood sits at his plain wooden desk at the Rofirein Temple at vehl and contemplates his training and recent quest.
He had journeyed to the crypt of Storan not far from Fort llast with some foreboding. He knew that he had the skills to both turn the undead and fight them on their own ground having many times vsited the crypts of Krandor and Vehl to cleanse them of their infestations but somehow this crypt seemed darker by far.
Whilst walking with some trepidation towards the valley in which lay the crypt he heard others talking as if they had just met. One sniggering and the other talking loudly and with excitemnt as if they had not met for some time. Turning the corner he recognised the two as old friends, long unseen, Keppli Quickhands, a halfling ranger from Whitehorn and Master Tod Fellow, also a halfling and a gatherer, fixer, tailor and adventurer of some renown.
He approached them with a grin spreading across his face. Just seeing them made him laugh as they jumped about gesturing wildly and exchanging stories of their recent past.
He had coughed, and then bowing deeply had made himself known.
"Isher!" they had cried and ran over to him, obviously pleased to see him.
"well met both of you" he had responded and then brought them up to date with his questing and his fervent desire to become a slayer.
"I'm heading into the Storan crypt to test my mettle he advised, Would you care to aid me. I fear some proof of my intentions are required. Perhaps a few bodak teeth will suffice as evidence"
Tod, taking out a blade twirled it a few times whilst balancing on one foot and responded " Sure thing Isher, but you'll be needing some expert help. I've been in there in he past and you wont manage without us"
Keppli jumped up and down " yeah Ish, I'm coming as well" She made a great flourish and a rather spectacular bow appeared as if out of nowhere.
Isherwood concentrated on a few spells, one turning his armour to a wooden appearance and the other calling blessing upon them and then led them into the valley.
Immediatelt Tod racd off and was seen battling with a skeleton in ragged armour and helmet. catching up with a fireblade in his hand Isherwood joined the fray but the undead creature fell, its head piereced by a green fletched arrow before he could strike.
" great shot Keppli!" cried Tod racing to the next apponent. Isherwood chased after but laden in full plate he moved slower and the next skeleton was missing an arm by the time he could strike it. Arrows pinged of his shoulder but two in quick succession took the skeleton in the ribs and then with a mighty stroke Isherwood cleaved the creatures head.
they surveyed the bones scattered about and then quickly made their way to the entrance. Isherwood calmed himself though his pulse was racing and having concentrated long enough to mumble some basic chant he waved his hands in the intricate pattern needed to cast the death ward on his allies whilst quietly chanting the appropriate prayer. The wards swirled around them all like the souls of the lost seeking bodily warmth and then settled as a dim glow around them. Isherwood cast protections for them and then said the prayers of blessing before they entered.
In the corridor they entered the cold was apparent from the first, an eiree mist settling just inches off the floor hid the scuttling of spider and beetle out of their way. Their breath apparent the small group made their way to the first turn.
Isherwood stopped and prayed, calling on a gaurdian to aid them and a bright shield appeared at his side, floating at shoulder height and with a crest of Rofeirin upon it. It bobbed in the air almost eager to do its duty and they approached the door.
Tod pushed againt it with some force and ran headlong into the room. Standing there somewaht agog at the range of creatures that ran towards Tod the brightly clad cleric stood dumbfounded. So many undead. Their stink pulsated in waves towards him. With a cry from behind a series of arrows whizzed past his ear breaking the spell of fear and crying out a battle oath Isherwood raced himeslef into the throng of battle. He raised his arms and shouting powerful prayer turned only two of the creatures now surrounding Tod, at least 4 shadows stood their as well as two men in armour with a deathly appearance and bodaks numbering three.
As more arrows arched over his head into the mass of bodies Isherwood called down the hammer of the gods on the masses. Two slowed their movements and one immediately fell as Tod seized his opprtunity and struck with deadly force. Raising shield to his face Isherwood faced two of the shadows. They reached out to touch him, their eyes a malevolent red and their moved hissing in some dark tongue. Isherwood struck the arm of one with his fiery blade but the other brushed his arm. Isherwood felt a blast of cold run from elbow to shoulder and his sword felt heavy in his hand. The creature had somehow drained his strengthand Isherwwod realised that to be touched again could be deadly. He hacked at the creature with more urgency and Tod, turning from three felled creatures turned to his aid. The halfling was a blur of blades and the shadow fell at Isherwoods feet.
Tod grinned to the larger bronze clad cleric and ran screaming across the room to a creature of dread. A sickening skeleton with bones covered in the grime of of mold and death with twin blazing green blades.
Isherwood with keppli quickly joing him ran forward and then stopped to try and turn the creature. The creature staggered some but returned to the fight with Tod so Isherwood changed tack and shouting in a harsher tongue called down a fire strike upon the creatures head. Tod leapt back briefly and then leapt into the air to deliver a deadly blow to the still kneeling opponent.
Gasping, they stood in the middle of the room surveying the fallen and their wounds. Isherwood and Tod set about bandaging themselves and Keppli and having lifted a key from a chain around the neck of the greater undead they moved back to the corridor to rest.
Having recast the wards and using a small statue to cast protection from spells the trio made their way along a long corridor to a second room. Here Isherwood waited to discuss their plan of attack.
"OH OH this might help" shouted keppli grinning widely and turned herself into a pixie. Isherwod smiled at the pretty little thing madly flapping its wings in front of him. He cast his spell to summon another gaurdian and the pixie flew across to rest on his top. Tod stood and laughed at the odd scene whilst casting a stoneskin upon himslef and chaning into another cloak of some sort.
"Im not sure you will be of much aid in that form" suggested Isherwood.
The pixie blew a raspberry in his general direction and flitted here and there in a mock attack but after several minutes seemed to become bored and with a flash keppli reappeared. She danced a little with excitement and the another flash followed leaving a large ugly troll wher she had been.
"Ilsh be ash besher helpsh to yersh insh this formsh eh" it said and waddled on overlage legs to he door.
isherwood applied the key and they burst into a second larger room that appeared filled with mummies. Isherwood counted at least eight before they attacked. Strking left and right he avoided most of their attacks but his sword, althouh aflame, appeared to do little damage to them. Standing aside from the battle he cast flame strikes here and their and turned any undead who approached. here and there the mummies turned and wandered off but three stood and fought. Tod and Keppli stood back to back in the throng weaving up and down and dodging back and forth, heir many blades dancing in the eerie light of the chamber. Isherwood cast healing spells at Keppli as she took a blow to her shoulder and then felt a mummified hand touch his back. An electric like shock racked his body and he staggered away from the evil touch. Turning his cast a hammer of the gods at the mummy and it fell to the ground.
Tod and Keppli rushed across the floor, now fighting in a syncronised dance of death they worked together felling the newcomers, more mummies from the further parts of the room. Standing alongside Isherwood varied between turning and hacking at their prey and eventually the room was quiet.
they made their way to another door and Tod tried the key but it would not open. Slapping his own head he said " weve missed a room we have, back along the corridors"
More ducking, weaving, casting, prayers and cries of oaths ganist eveil followed in this room too.The shadows who inhabited this spot fell or ran at Isherwoods turning prayers and became easy fodder for the blades of the three. Quickly they returned to what Tod described as a "difficult room" and with their blood up they charged in.
In perefect order now the three fought together, hacking here, running there with Isherwood turning, casting fire, healing and hacking by rote. His mind switched off and letting the training take over he moved in a methodical way from fight to fight whilst the halflings danced about with seeming gay abandon amongst the undeead and their corpses.
Time seemed to slow in Isherwoods head and finally he felt that his destiny was in such dark places. he would bring light to the dark and cleanse the world of such as these.
In a dream he wandered out throught the corridors and into the light.
waking with Keppli tapping his arm he looked up.
"look at this fancy ring I found" she said showing a ring with an M on it.
" we made it out alive" said Tod.
"Indeed my tanks to you both" he replied " I think this day i have found my path"
" Had yer lost it?" they shouted as they played tag on the way out of the valley
Dear gods, Mr or Ms DM,
as its nearly Christmas its time for my annual list.
Please can I have a point of charisma 'cos i cant cast any 5th level spells. I have 5th level summon monster and my DnD manual says I can summon a celestial pegasus! Whooopeee! just one little old cha point then?
Oh, oh, and on the other page thers a spell called Leomunds Secure shelter, a nice little cottage with all the furinshings and a fire going, so one of them please,.......
oh, oh, oh...
and to finish a bard spell called Heroes feast ( it does waht it says on the tin loike), a big bloomin table of food.........oh, it says only an hour ter eat it all, never mind that, i'll manage! so one of them too please.
Thats all, not much ter ask fer is it?
Rockhead Howling Wolf
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Rockhead Howling Wolf, Dwarf and bard quickly spends the 20 true Joyful paid him for a song on ale.
"blast it all! I should have asked fer a hunnerd" he grumbles.
he hastily composes, drafts it onto parchment and posts it in the tavern for all to see as he promised notoriety. The note says the young woman still owes 10 true . the figure is crossed out and it now says 30 true.
The song reads.
I Hear a whisper in the trees,
a wondrous sound upon the breeze,
my restless thoughts it does appease,
She runs through forest, hand on bow,
her tread as light as new fell snow,
and none can spot her, friend nor foe,
A mighty elf with heart aflame,
she hunts the goblin, hunts the game,
and all will shout with one acclaim,
He finishes the ale and looks about for another customer as his belly is a long way from full.
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