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Topics - Zoogmunch
1
« on: November 16, 2011, 02:23:26 pm »
can I submit for an Ent please.............?
I just want to wander about saying "Dont be hasty!"
Zoog
2
« on: September 11, 2011, 03:21:44 pm »
Grendola and the three greedy gnomes she'd fallen in with some days before burst from the door of the island crypt and falling down the stairs like one enormous pile of pots, pans and a huge green cauldron with legs attached they lurched forward pulling each other along. Having covered at least a hundred paces and passing by the tribal boundary they stopped to catch their breath.
At that point a poisonous dart bounced off the back of Grendola's helm and turning together Grendola and the naughty triplets watched as the tribe of cannibal goblins erupted en masse from the crypt all carrying wicked crystal knives and bone maces.
"Save us Aunty Gren" cried Hali, Mixima and Papilloma of the infamous Tosis tribe. Quickly looking up and heading straight towards the sun Grendola brought them swiftly to the cliff edge having not thought about the suns movements in the hours they'd spent below ground. The huge rollers crashed onto the thrusting volcanic rocks below and their little boat was all of a stones throw away but beyond their ability to get to it as the cliffpath path down was now beyond the goblin horde.
"save us Aunty Gren" cried the brothers and at that moment, perhaps following the rattling her brain had received when the dart hit, a thought entered Grendola's head (it found itself quite lonely and started running about shouting "help get me out of here"). Seizing the moment and her size 24 red polka dot "frilly" bloomers in one hand she gathered the three gnomes in the other and leaped. By luck rather than planning the bloomers caught the wind and ballooning the quartet sailed down towards their boat. Goblins hordes above still tell strange tales of the giant flying peach they saw that day but Grendola knows better.
Clambering into the boat the troublesome triplets quickly paddled out to find themselves hitting the surf, falling forward into the boat as the first wave struck Grendola found herself with helmet wedged at the gnomes feet and behind, well behind, but standing proudly in the air. Those cannibal goblins have strong stomachs but many lost control that day and to this day young goblins run to their beds and hide their heads in fear when the elders tell of the polka dot demon and the sea monsters maw.
( and its all totally true................................)
Zoogmunch.
Red Polka Dot "Frilly" bloomers, Sizes 20-28, never leave home without them. At knockdown prices, also in green, from Miss Grendola Pigstrotter. 50 true a pair.
3
« on: August 17, 2011, 02:57:46 pm »
Hi folks,
it is I Zoogmunch and having just had my cheque request for my third year of archery club membership I've been thinking about those sticks of woods with pointy bits attached and fevvers.....yes arrows!
At the end of last season I manged to hiit a 50 meter target but mostly missed. whilst spending ten minutes hunting for my arrows in the mud I had the thought......why oh why dont the folk of Layo do this, all those battles, all those misses, here must be hundreds of arrows just lying about for the picking up as nobody ever ever ever collects them.
So anyway, As Rockhead couldnt hit a haystack in a passage but he's a stingy penny pinching dwarf I reckon Layo owes me 52,463 arrows that he must have been and picked up.
Ps. does anyone have any understanding of physics as i now have 20 arrows in my quivver, 20 in a bag on my back, three stuffed down each sock, four held between my lips, 2 stuck in the hat and two pinches between those cheeks ( gawd knows how ill ever sit down) and I'm wondering where to stick the remainder of the 500 i bought....... please send suggestions via a postcard and owl mail to Rockhead via most taverns!
4
« on: July 31, 2011, 06:36:26 am »
The slayer attached to the Vehl temple, Isherwood Smithson returns from cleansing the nearby crypt with the body of a halfling over his shoulder. After laying the body out for burial he reports the matter to his masters.
he tells of a cheap copper chain shirt found nearby, a shortsword dropped by the halfling but also of bloody footprints near the body. He indicates that he has cleared the levels of undead as per his rounds but suspects someone other than the roaming undead who wander the crypts is to blame.
He wanders the local eateries and taverns checking for bloodied boots.
Zoog
5
« on: June 29, 2011, 05:46:49 pm »
mister Gormygard,
i wuz in't shop tuther day luuking fer more stuff ter buy flower and I fund yer cheest wit ales in. I've gone and takn a few loike but i cud ner read the note yerd pinned ter it. Is ale in't it free loike?
anyway i aint a scrounger so I left 4 leather armours me ma had been sewiing inter the nights recently as trade. If thes worth more than't the ale is worth then can miste feh do me some nice little arras?
written fer Grindola ( some fat smelly wench but I think that's her name. gawd is her accent terrible)
by Smiley the part time bar keep
6
« on: June 15, 2011, 02:46:43 pm »
Recently in game Rhakt offered to help someone give birth ( cant tell you who or when as i'd have to kill you all) but I rp'd him giving some advice on the orc method ( made up in about 10 mins whilst afk on quest) but thought it might be of interest to everyone given the ceremony. Bit of Orc Lore if you will!
Background.
Orc are inherently violent creatures and both male and female orc practice self scarring, tattooing etc as a method of indicating tribal standing. A clean, unmarked orc is either a female of little standing ( in terms of dowry value because she has not succesfully brought offspring into the world or because she is a child) or is a diseased or deformed male (neither of which would normally survive longer than age 5 as at that point each an orc must battle for meat at its own table).
Orc birthing
Orc females can birth female children in the usual manner after the 6 month carrying period is over and the lower level of pain that the mother endures during that period from internal biting is the surest sign of the offsprings gender. Orc male offspring, with larger teeth and stronger jaws generate far more pain for the mother and they grow for a further 2 months on average before birthing takes place.
For male offspring, given their larger size at month eight, only birth by extraction is possible. The clan shaman will take a ceremonial knife and casting flame upon it will make a deep lateral incision to remove the child. The flame of the blade cauterises the thick sub-dural layers of the orc females skins and following the birth giant fire ants are used to suture the wound. They are held to the skin until they bite and their bodies are then twisted leaving the heads in place.
In ceremonial terms this is the first set of ritual scarring of the male orc. They are blessed by blood and by flame as the knife will invariable wound the child and cauterise at the same time leaving either a vivid scar or series of burning welts on the orc male offspring. The tribe will always gather to hear the cries of the new born males pain as his entry into the tribe and as a gauge of his vitality.
Adulthood.
The full grown male orc ( aged 12ish) will self scar to to commemorate a battle win and will tattoo to show rank in the tribe. The clan shaman is marked by tattoes transversed with fire welts as they undergo self burning with brands during regular ritual trance states. The drugs which allow pain to be born during this self mutilation remain a closely gaurded secret. essentially its a toxin which used in larger does will kill but on low does creates delirium.
//hoped you like it! Article on orc fashion next maybe?
7
« on: May 27, 2011, 02:16:07 pm »
Rumour has it its Nokka's/Zahids birthday tommorrow.
as I'm out all day in the sun shooting arrows happy birthay from the dwarven army.
Zoogmunch
8
« on: May 09, 2011, 02:03:16 pm »
Grendola was out shroom hunting in the spooky Krandor crypt and ventured a little further than usual. Some nasty undead attacked and she chopped off their fixed grins with a shiny greataxe.
Feeling an urge she checked their pockets and found at least five trues and an old dusty book ful of scribbles ( occ no reading ability Im afraid)
she popped into the bank to take out her saving as she was off to buy an nice lttle enhancement for that new addy greataxe.
Thinking about the book she excitedly she ran to Centre to ask Storold what he thought and with some advice from Duchess the three of them set off to the dunes past the halfling camp.
battling snakes and undead the made their way to the ruins but on the edge they were ambushed and eventually she fell to multiple attacks.
The soul mother , evil grin on her pockmarked face, rose out of the ground and snatched another starnd from the terrified butcher who fell lifeless to the ground.
Her purse fell open and 4k of trues rolled away into the sand dunes and she awoke in Centre. She sat sipping water until the headache passed and then went back to knitting a pair of purple bloomers for an odd order from an elderly dwarf.
/occ xp gain for loads of massive kills about 25xp total with Storold ( i killed em all meself honest!!) , lost strand ( 6 down), lost trues and nowt but a bronze sword ter show fer it lovvies........bad bad day.didnt even get ter wash me hair so i cant blame that.
Duchess, Storold, hope yer found the treasure otherwise depression could easily set in. Anyone finds any bacon butties in the sand they belong ter me right!!!
9
« on: April 04, 2011, 01:52:57 pm »
Dear everyone,
can anyone advise if there are any cursed items in layo?. When i started playing dungeons and dragons on computers ( and i have to admit that was a mainframe the size of a house in 1980) there was a game called castle. i nearly finished it on several occasions ( at 2.00 in the morning bleary eyd) but every time i got to the treasure chamber i picked up a cursed ring and the little orange screen said " you've picked up the cursed ring...you're dead!".
How about some cursed objects to be found in the deep dark places of the world.....you know jewellry that looks great but gives Level 40's boils or the urgency to go afk every five mins for that bio break. Come on team, give us chaos!!
ps. In no way can Isherwood Smithson be held responsible for this statement relating to chaos. The vacuum of order is not a position to be supported via the Rofireinite church and no amount of advertising will sway our position in this matter. we accept that, on the fac eof it, there appears to be moments in time that are readily capable of logical evaluation but that doesnt mean we hav eto throw out the logic with the bathwater!
However....Rockhead Howling Wolf's (CN) view is "bring it on!"
Regards
Zoogmunch.
10
« on: March 21, 2011, 05:41:38 pm »
Whilst running about with Sehky and Breanna the loverly Grendola suggested Sehky wrap his wounds in some strips of bacon she just happened to have on her person. Ha ha I thought.......................................but
have just checked on the mighty web and found....................
If you have a splinter or anything lodged under the skin, place a piece of raw pork bacon fat on the wound. Tape it with 1st aid tape, and the next day, the splinter will be to the top of the wound, so you'll be able to pull it out with a pair of disinfected tweezers. (for some items, it might take 2 days to work) This might sound like an old wives tale, but it does work!
Ha!! Grendola Pigstrotter the Cleric!
Zoogmunch
11
« on: March 07, 2011, 02:34:14 pm »
Rockhead slurps his twelth pint of ale at the tavern to celebrate his good fortune. The barkeep asks what the celebration is for and Rocky, in his drunken state takes out a small pounch and shows the cut diamond he found earlier exlaining that his luck has finally come in.
The barkeep turns and posts a notice on the lost and found board describing Rocky to a tee and telling what he found.
Rocky starts to cry in his beer and appears unconsolable.
occ//tell me wher yer lost it and it yers. Kylie,sehky might be missing it
12
« on: February 26, 2011, 09:05:24 am »
Mister Fehriel, i went in yer shop earlier and picked up a str 2 ring and necklace leaving 12,000 trues. Hope its enough. See me fer bacon supplies or true if yer needs more flower.
Gren
p.s i got some bloke ter write this in yer village. Cost me a lamb joint it did!
13
« on: February 24, 2011, 09:58:38 am »
Deer peeple,
Grendola neyds addimantyum ax with big magics on it if yuous have un.
leaf messauge with barkeep in Vehl pleas and i ask him.
ps. dis bestest writin i cun do.
Gren
ooc// addy greataxe witha plus 6 anything would help but check those dusty chests cos i could use a bargain if yer have one. Free bacon for life if your price is right.
14
« on: February 19, 2011, 10:42:21 am »
rhakt is wandering through the spooky castle in north gloom but is currently trapped. a gaseous form is blocking a doorway, it does fight and i cant damage it with iron weapon, fire, healing, wounds or turn it. as its blocking the door im stuck, its doesnt fight back.
rhakt
15
« on: January 10, 2011, 01:15:34 pm »
Bug Report
Description: Sent Zahid a tell asking what he was up to and as he being depresed in game i suggest Rhaakt would cut his throat if he didnt mind. went across and exchanged pleasantries and then demands in order to lead into a fight. We did the PvP widget thing and it said for us to start. I changed him to dislike but the bit after stayed as "friendly". I readied a level 1 burnig hands spell and he readied finger of death ( great balance there!) and then poof! nothing/nada/zip. I threw frost at him and he cast some whopping spells at my little chap. None of it worked so i said I'd let him off this time.
Location: just standing near the fre at Center
Verified: happy to try and slit other goodies throats in game if needed. send me a list.
Reproducable: Havent tried again yet. still in shock from being being blessed by a tree hugger.
p.s, dont tell Nihear, i'm supposed to keeping a low profile!
Rhaakt/ Zoogmunch
16
« on: November 25, 2010, 03:48:35 pm »
whilst strolling through centre i casually whacked the suit of armour hanging up and now even the cows and chickens hate me.................lol
can anyhting be done for poor rhakt as 'd hate to dine on beef and chicken when there are elves about.
Rhakt U bhaak................ Orc shamen
17
« on: November 07, 2010, 02:18:23 pm »
Nonac, sorry ter leave yer in the lurch like lovvie but the slaves of the great god In'ternet causes a great storm in my consciousnes causing me blindness, dumbness and deafness.....................
fell in to the great shadowland until 5 mins ago. Hope you survived.
18
« on: October 30, 2010, 01:01:10 pm »
Riichaard of leriingaard wishes to purchase a scroll of firebrand. I have searched high and low through the shops.
can anyone scribe one for me. Would be happy to meet in vehl to purchase if the price is right.
If you can scribe this you may be one who has power in his heart! I would love to meet you and discuss such power.
*sharpens his dagger and laughs in possibly an orcish shamen cannibal manner*
19
« on: October 09, 2010, 11:36:42 am »
Deepest apologies from me to whoever had their horse just inside the spellgaurd gate.
Got a little distracted by RL whilst playing Gren so have to admit to not concentraing on the game and having fought some scorpions ran into town. I was followed by two large ones which I fought at the gate but I got killed and they went on to attack the horse that was there killing it and then ran off into town.
I cant say I have any excuses. Dont really know why I did it either.
just very very sorry to who ever.
Zoogmunch
See Gren in game and she can discuss servitude as repayment or other recompense.
20
« on: September 25, 2010, 11:40:33 am »
:mad:
dear Witchdoctor Eggy,
had a major crash and Rocky didnt get any xp, gems, treasure or that plus 12 platty axe that the bad guy must have been carrying.
Can i see you when next on?
Rockhead Howling Wolf
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