Author Topic: Black is only skin deep. (Read 1789 times)

Hellblazer · « **on:** July 25, 2009, 05:36:24 am »

[SIZE=16]Wren and I got off of the boat a few weeks ago, and we proceeded to get me some things he thought I would need. But after we got them and went out of the store, a large crowd had appeared in town and I got scared. I lost sight of him in the crowd and unfortunately I then got lost.

It's a few hours later of searching for him that I stumbled on a familiar face. Argos, the one that had fled at night the temple. Not the first one and not the last one. I wasn't sure what to expect out of him, it was apparent now that he was following Toran. Was he going to arrest me? Was he going to take me down right there and then? People can take a long time to change for the better, but it takes no time for them to change for the worst, and I was scared. He recognized me also, but he was calm and caring.

We talked a little bit of what had happened, and clearly he says he has moved on, but he is only lying to himself. Slightly irritated at his attitude later on the evening I told him exactly what I thought. i was surprise that even his friend agreed with me. I think he was even more surprised.

I am keeping a very low profile for now.. I don't know who I can really trust beside Wren, and I haven't seen him since that shop.

Looking for him across Mistone for the past few weeks, I have done some little jobs for those who were even willing to talk to me. I have also explored the lands. It is vast and so much different than the desert or even the deep. I have come to learn a lot of new spells too, some I learned all by myself, by simply analyzing the potential, others with the scrolls I found. Two of those spell are very interesting for me. The first is called Magic weapon. It has the ability to make my arrows even sharper. The other one is flame weapon. At first when I read the scroll, I thought it would surely burn my arrows to bits. But no, the magical fire didn't burn my arrows but it is almost as if it imbued them with fire. I could see the effect of the heat when it hit my targets.

This makes me wonder. What if there was a way for me to do this, but without having to cast a spell on them? Could it be possible for me to practice this ability so much and master it so that every arrow I touch, instantly becomes imbued with those effects? I remember reading something about special archers back when I was at the temple in Audira, but I don't remember what it was exactly, there was so much to read about. I don't know who to turn to for this kind of information.. even more who would want to help me find out that information. After all, the look on the faces of the people in Vehl told me right away what I could expect. Although they didn't try to lynch me, I could see that many were afraid, many wanted nothing to do with me and looked at me with disgust. And more would be all to waiting to see me alone to kill me.

Argos might have been right. Maybe I need their help after all, if only to stay alive.. but can I trust them?[/SIZE]

Hellblazer · « **Reply #1 on:** July 26, 2009, 06:00:38 pm »

I have still not found Wren, I hope he is alright.

On the other hand, I have met some new people. Some by chance other presented to me by Argos and Annabelle. The first one was by chance while I was practicing or at least trying to, imbue my arrows. I was having little luck, until he arrived at the camp fire, engrossed in some book he was reading. It appears that he is able to actually do to his sword what I want to do to my arrows. Although it's different, for him it's some kind of ability he has to tap in each time he wants to use it. Through our talk I have told him what I wanted to do and he told me he knew someone who could do what I was seeking to do. Her name is Jilseponie. He said he would introduce me.

The others well not really introduced but still. As Annabelle and I came out of the kobolds camp, we stumbled on a mean spirited woman called Tyra. SHe scared me and while I was keeping away she kept insulting me, while Annabelle was trying to explain to her what she was doing. Later on a commander of Rofirein arrived, her name is Jennara. I jumped when she just came by myside and whispered hello. I was cowering behind my ox and didn't see her come. We whispered for a while about that Tyra. Apparently she has a big mouth that doesn't think before acting and that she is also cowardly. Sayign stuff but not doing them because it would bring her trouble. I am glad that this seems the truth, maybe I wont really have problem with her. Jennara also told me that the law of these lands would protect me if any one tried something to me. It's somewhat reassuring. Later on came a man by the name of Storold, Anna knew him. He appears to be a teacher at an academy, and we talked a little. He will leave a note to a certain Elohanna, to see if she would be interested in teaching me. He also appears to know Jilseponie and told me where I could find her. I will wait though. Might be best if I am introduced to her instead of just popping up at her door step.

In any case, I have learned new spells today. And I have also made my first arrows. It will take a lot more for me to make them easily, but it's somewhat rewarding to see that I am not useless as my father said I was.

Hellblazer · « **Reply #2 on:** July 28, 2009, 10:57:37 am »

I have met with Elohanna, she was very reticent of taking me as a student due to what I am and told me she needed time to think about it. But in the end she said that she couldn't take me as a student of the tower but could as a personal student. It's not definite though, we still have to talk and she wants me to see her in fort Llast. I will be able to further my understanding of the al'noth with her, and hopefully with Jilseponie, once I finally meet her, I will be able to learn her ways. To combine the al'noth with my archery painlessly and effortlessly is a dream for me And I wont let them down.

I am so happy also, I saw Wren! finally! He was in Way fare just in front of me when I portaled in, I jumped. He was silent at first, probably in thoughts but when he started to talk he asked me why I was hiding myself. I explained to him that the people of these lands were not as tolerant as he was. He then told me of great heroes that helped these lands, heros of the same race as I. That I should not be ashame of who I was. And that if I was to wear the hood, it was not by shame, but so others would not be scared. I still don't think it is wised for me to just walk in towns with my hood, but maybe with time when I am more known and understood that I will bring no hardship to people.. maybe then I will be more accepted.

Hellblazer · « **Reply #3 on:** August 01, 2009, 12:52:58 am »

I have reached a point where I have become stronger in using the al'noth once again. If my father could see me now, who would be the useless in between the two of us?

I have met with a strange person that calls herself Darth. She thinks that I have made some kind of a permanent deal with her to keep her secrets, but truly.. if I was to speak of what she plans to anyone, they would surely think of me as crazy. We had a long talk about how our race were dying off because of how they act between each others. There is some things that are true, but others that is totally false.

And now I have a task. Miss Elohanna gave me my first assignment after she asked me to show her what I knew and what was my interest in the Al'noth. Now I have to make her a scroll of each spell of abjuration from the first tot he forth circle. She didn't' tell me what I needed, that is part of my assignment to find out what is needed. She is a rather nice person, and even apologize on how she had greeted me at first. I think this could be a very positive learning experience for me.

Now to meet this Jilseponie I was told about. She is the key in all of this for me to master enchanting my arrows by simply touching them. There are other things that she can do also, as I was told. And I can't wait to meet her, a long life dream to combine my magic to my archery.. In the mean time I will keep training my concentration and trying to move the Al'noth from my self to the arrows without casting the spell.

Hellblazer · « **Reply #4 on:** August 09, 2009, 04:27:33 pm »

Miss Jilseponie and I met finally. Introduced by Iradril in his absentminded state that he had stumbled on us while we were already talking. She said that we needed to travel together so she could judge of my skills and see if she would teach me. She is rather nice though and I hope I show her that I have what it takes for her to teach me. It's been sometime since I have seen her, I should probably send her word.

Beside that I have found that trying to get the skullcap I need by myself is.. deadly. I managed to escape, but only barely. I think I will have to result in buying the supplies I need from other adventurers.. which might be a slight problem. I will have to tell Elohanna of this step back. As the skullcap is the main reagent needed for the agjuration scrolls she wants me to make.

In the mean time I have spent a lot of time with Tray and Vrebel, both are nice and protective of me, which is good. We have met with many people and they seem to act as a barrier telling them that I am shy, which seems to stop them from prodding further. Vrebel even made me a nice compound oak long bow. It's a shame I can't use it yet, but I know he will smile when I will be able to. And Tray has offer me many new spell scrolls that I didn't have, which was also nice. We have visited many places I have never went, I find it enjoyable to travel with the two of them.

Beside that, I have seen a few times Wren ever since we traveled from Audira to Vehl together and I got lost in the crowd. but the last time I saw him, he completely ignored me, even though I was standing right beside him. Even when I told him I was going to leave because there was too many people at that gala, that it made me nervous. He still said nothing at all to me. Not sure what that means but I left frustrated at him.

I think I'm going to go and visit my friends at the temple in Audira. It has been some time.

Hellblazer · « **Reply #5 on:** August 15, 2009, 06:03:36 am »

There has been a few things that has happened lately, firstly one that really scared me. Tray went and openly mention to a total stranger that I was a dark elf.. what was he thinking? Good thing the other person didn't pick up on it. But unlike what he whispered back, to me that I should stick around with him and Vrebel for protection, they won't always be there to protect me, and what then? But things are alright, they are still fun to travel with. I even made them a little surprise, made a new outfit for when we travel alone. They really liked it.

I don't know why though, but I now feel uncomfortable with Argos.. or is it Alazira.. or maybe both.. I saw them get close, and the closer they got.. the more uncomfortable I became.. It's a strange feeling one I don't really get. We are just friends me and him.. and I should be happy if he finds happiness with someone he deems worthy of him.. but still. I don't know. It churned my stomach around and brought sadness in my heart for some reason.

On the other hand though... I met someone intriguing that I don't really know what to make of either. A woman that was sold like me, to be a slave, by the person who was taking care of her like me. She was always winking at me and all and smiling when we were traveling with that group of dwarf up in the forest of dregar. It's strange and it also was making me feel the complete opposite than what I was feeling when I saw Argos the same day. It. was exciting.. confusing too. Her name is Mai. I don't know what to make of that either.. I'm really confused lately about a lot of things.

I know my goal, I know I can reach it. But yet for either Elohanna or Jilseponie, things are moving quite slow. For one is my inability to find the materials I need to make the scrolls. Although she did send me a letter that she wanted to meet soon to discuss something. I hope she hasn't changed her mind about teaching me more about the al'noth. And on the other hand, Jilseponie has been a total absentee. Beside meeting her at fort wayfare and her telling me she wanted to travel with me to gage my abilities, and without a doubt to see if I was even worth training, she hasn't been around to make up on her desire. And without her guidance.. I don't know how far I will go. But I am not going to give up. I have been training a lot, both on my marksmanship, but also on trying to imbue effortlessly my arrows without the use of a spell. I was aiming to high at first, trying to get to the arrow right ahead. Instead now I'm trying to channel the energy to my fingers without again, using a spell. It requires a lot of concentration, but in the heat of the battle, the time to sit down and concentrate is not one I will find. I need to be able to do it on the stop, with all the chaos around me, the sound of the battle, the magic being flung around. I need to be able to do it there and then, without thinking. But the first step is to master the channeling part. I am sure this is the first step, how else can you imbue the arrows without that step?

Hellblazer · « **Reply #6 on:** August 18, 2009, 06:00:34 pm »

Silly silly silly me. There I thought that I had figured it all up, that all was clear and that I knew what was expected of me. I thought I was brighter and wiser than that. But apparently i am not. What can I say, my father was right. Well not totally, but partly. To say I risked my life for it them, them that I thought I needed them. But no, I did not need them. I had misunderstood all of it. So much time wasted, so much pain I felt trying to get close to them, but never being able to reach them. Just out of my finger reach each time.. those pesky skull caps. But as I met Elohanna yesterday, she told me that there was a misunderstanding. She didn't want me to make the scrolls, just to give her the list of ingredients needed to make the scrolls... i swear, I was feeling like jumping in the water and let me drop to the bottom of the sea, as much as I felt ashamed, even more so that Mai was there when I met Elohanna after receiving the letter saying she wanted to see me. So I spent the day today, going over the recipes for circle one to forth circle of abjuration scrolls and I am almost done taking down all that is needed.

While Elohanna and I were talking, Mai was goofing around in the background, juggling with pin cones. She was wearing that beautiful purple dress that really fitted her well. Since I have gain some trust with Elohanna, and that she already knew I am a dark elf, I felt comfortable enough to take my hood down, to the surprise of Mai. I thought she knew, with all the time we spent together down in haven mine and on the trek across dregar. But I guess I was wrong. She looked at me shocked, but not the wrong way. I guess it was a pleasant surprise for her, and somehow.. I can't explain it, she seemed to be even more friendly and closer after knowing. We talked for a while after Elohanna left, until we were disturbed and I had to cover myself again.

After going into the glooms wood and covering ourselves from the annoying rain. We managed to dispatch all the undeads from that place and got her a nice cloak that will help her avoid things. We went to Vehl to have the tailor work on it and when we got out, we stumble on Argo and Alazira... Again I started to feel sad slightly and uncomfortable, but Mai managed to keep my mind off of it. I hate lying to Argos, but I couldn't tell him what was wrong when I don't even know what's wrong myself. And with all the excitement and all that traveling, there wasn't much time for me to pay too much attention to that. Also with Mai there, it made all of that seem a lot more bearable, even if I could hear all of Argos and Alazira whispering about me.

Once the trip was done, Mai and I decided to go take a swim At the Stormcrest. I was looking at Mai swim after I managed to warm the water slightly with my multitude of fireballs and combust spells, but didn't went in, what can I say, I don't know how to swim. That's where we made camp with Annabelle who joined us soon after.

On the other hand, I have still not receive words of Jilseponie. But it doesn't mean that I am not training. Like I wrote before, I am still concentrating on channeling the al'noth through my arms down to my elbows and to the end of my fingers. It's painstakingly long, and sometimes I gets headaches with the hours of concentrating I have been doing, but the other day I was surprise to feel a tingling sensation in my fingertips. I'm not sure if it's just my imagination, or that I have strained something unconsciously or if it means I succeeded in channeling the al'noth, but I will try and try again. until I succeed.

Hellblazer · « **Reply #7 on:** August 22, 2009, 07:44:39 pm »

*A simple letter is slid under the door of Elohanna. Inside a fine, white parchment is folded neatly in three. Once unfolded, the reader can see a graceful handwriting of red ink.*

Dear Elohanna,

I am sorry it took this much time to get this list to you, but I have been slightly busy wandering the world. There is so much beauty on the surface, that I find myself loosing myself in the exploration of the many lands. Things are so much different than the deep. There is much peace and tranquility here. Much more than the books of the temple ever described.

I have completed a while ago the list, but unfortunately I was no were near Fort Llast to leave it to you. I hope you can forgive my tardiness.

Joined to this letter is the list you asked me. I truly hope to see you soon.

Tyillaan Selaama

*As the reader would turn the page she would see an other white Parchment written with red ink. The same graceful handwriting as the other page*

lesser ink
1 skull cap
1 glass vial
1 chicken egg
1 honey

average ink
2 skull cap
1 glass vial
1 chicken egg
1 honey

greater ink
3 skullcap
1 glass vial
1 chicken egg
1 honey

Level 0
Resistance
1 spell of resistance
1 blank scroll of hickory
1 lesser ink of abjuration
1 dust of green stone

level 1
shield
1 spell of shield
1 blank scroll of hickory
1 lesser ink of abjuration
1 dust of fire agate

level 2
resist Elements
1 spell of resist elements
1 blank scroll of hickory
1 lesser abjuration ink
1 dust of phenelope

Level 3
Magic circle against Alignment
1 spell of magic circle against Evil
1 blank scroll of oak
1 abjuration ink
1 dust of feldspar

Level 4
Stoneskin
1 spell of stoneskin
1 blank scroll of oak
1 abjuration ink
1 dust of alexendrite

Hellblazer · « **Reply #8 on:** August 27, 2009, 03:18:44 pm »

I.. I am wanted. I can't believe that. I have always endeavored to stay clear of trouble with the law, and yet because of a crazed elf, me and other people that went to that meeting and now wanted by the law. I even heard of a witch hunt, people bringing in heads of dark elves they killed. I am still scared of the situation, but Mai has been supporting me through this. I was scared that the people I knew could get drawn into this unwillingly, even more for her. But she told me she new what the risks were. I'm not to sure why she told me that she new what she was getting in to... all of this is strange and.. I have found myself to think of her greatly in the past months. Missing her presence when shew as not here with me. It's somewhat like what I had felt when Argos left the temple, but without the sadness.. just longing to see her. It's confusing and I don't really understand it.

It's all because of a meeting that we had at the fire of the goblin waste lands. We were talking about trying to find tokens.. relics items that would destroy some anti-magi pillars, and one of the elf there, Valaca or something, went and spread lies that we were up to no good. Iradril, Deutches and I were there, and we had to leave for our own safety and the others left too.

Speaking of Deutches.. I don't know why she kissed me on the cheek, but it was weird and then I couldn't stop thinking of Mai.. why is that?

Hellblazer · « **Reply #9 on:** September 01, 2009, 11:18:34 pm »

So much things has happened lately that I do not even know where to start.

Firstly I have completed my assignment toward Elohanna, and am now waiting for my next one. I hope she brings me something challenging, so I can learn more about the al'noth, how it works and to better understand it.

I have traveled with Jilseponie as of late, and she gave me praise for my understanding of tactics and also how I handled myself against the constructs. But the best news is that she said she would train me. I am truly happy about this. She has given me the assignment to train at dallos lake fishing the trouts there. Saying that I had to be as good as hitting them 90% of the time. I have to say that that is not a hard thing to do. As of yet I have hit them with all my shots. But I keep at it, and as she suggested I train to enchant the arrows I shoot, concentrating so that the Al'noth moves from my finger tips to the arrows. It is hard, and strenuous, I wounder how she does it without even thinking about it. But if she is able to, then so can I. I will master this I know I can.

An other thing important happened to me. It's so strange and so new still. For month now I have felt butterflies in my stomach each time I thought or saw Mai, I couldn't explain it. I had and still have a hard time keeping my mind off her too. But when she talked about lover's on our trip following that horse Sadie.. I'll come back to that later, I didn't know what she meant, and a few days later at the Stormcrest we had a long talk. And in a quick motion she kissed me. My first kiss, I was breathless and couldn't say a word. After that she taught me to swim, it was interesting to say the least, terrifying also, but she was there and she reassured me. Then.. then w. when we were tender like prunes... she took me to Vehl to the inn, the rest is best to be committed to my memory, but only to say that I have never felt that way before. She was right when she said that it was like I was tying to keep in my emotions and pleasure until I couldn't. Now we are a couple, I think.. it's hard to say, all of this is so new to me. But she said she had no expectation, just to do what I felt like doing what felt good. I don't know where this will bring me, but I am excited to find out.

Now for that horse.. what is there to say. I knew something was wrong the moment I set my eyes in hers. When we finally got to Jasmine the which I got to understand that the woman in the horse clothing had brought this up to herself, and was punished for stealing the brooch that belonged to Jasmine. I managed to convince her to give it back and she was transformed back. The most beautiful lizardfolk woman I ever seen, but such a.. well I forgot the name of the female dogs. And then she left, without a second serving of what Jasmine could give her, and so we left too.

In my many travels as of late, I have learned many new tricks and spells, and still I think I will learn more soon. I just hope that I can master enchanting my arrows without any spells soon.

I wonder what Mai's up to now...

Hellblazer · « **Reply #10 on:** September 06, 2009, 04:56:09 am »

What's the use..

Today I did something that I should be proud of.. But what's the use.. As Darth, Vrebel, Tray and I were preparing to continue on our expedition, A man came running to us, bleeding profusely, yelling that his son had been kidnapped. Without thinking, we jumped into action. Uncaring of our own safety, and without even thoughts of compensation. At least for me. But really what's the use. Here we fought countless bugbears, I know Az'atta would have cringed at me for what I was doing, but I was trying to save a life. To offer the gift of longevity to a small boy so he could later on learn of the peace she can give through her redemption, hopefully. And as I noticed later on, the boy was a follower of Deliar, a friend of my precious Goddess. But again what's the use. As soon as Darth open her mouth about me coming from Audira and that her father could explain to the boy what it meant, after he asked why I was all covered up. The father became agitated and decided to hastily leave the area with his son in tow. So I say once again, what's the use of aiding and willing to put your own life to help others. What's the use in willing to better myself and become more than I am.

I look at the world around me and understand that it seems easier to be greedy and ask of others more than they asks of you. Using them for your own gain, as someone is trying to do so to me, than it is to do good deeds. It is easier to fall into the path that leads to evil, than uphold what is truly good and could be richeous. Life is precious and shouldn't be taken in vain, even your own. But even with all the good deeds I do, rare are those that sees it and can see past the color of my skin. No matter how much I try to devote myself at becoming a better person, it will not be even be acknowledge by those I try to help. They all seem to have their reasons. My race, the fact that even if I wasn't there, others might have done the same as I did. But the fact remains. Temptation to take the easy road is always sweeter an more attractive than the road I strive to stay on, as the lady of peace inspires me to become.

So I say what's the use.

Hellblazer · « **Reply #11 on:** September 07, 2009, 01:08:50 pm »

I've been training on the fish Jilseponie asked me to train on, and I have found that they are easy to get, even though that Giant is a pain the right cheek. At first I was trying to avoid him and go around, but after a few times, he almost surprised me and I had to kill him. He didn't give me any choice, and wouldn't stop attacking even if I told him I didn't want to kill him. So I had no choice. I decided to move my training ground after that.

That's where I am now, in Dalanthar. Training on the trouts schools I have found there. They are really to easy to catch. But the good news is that I think I am getting better at it. I have felt the Al'noth move from my fingers a few times, but I don't know if it staid imprinted on the arrow once it left my fingers. But I am getting better. I wanted to tell Jilseponie when I met her there, but she was in a hurry to rejoin a group that had left for the rift...

The rift.. nightmares of my past. I have been asked on a few occasion to go there, and each time I have felt this suffocating fear. How can I be this afraid of a overgrown cave? Part of it is being scared of being recaptured and put back on the slave market again.. but I think .. maybe.. that part of it is fear of stumbling on my father once again. I have grown much stronger in the Al'noth since he sold me, and my skills at archery has increased greatly also. But still, what would it be like to meet him face to face? Would he try to finish what he started the first time? Or would he try to kill me this time? I don't know, and all I know is just the thought of that place gives me chills down my back and shortness of breath. No one knows about this but Tray, he kinda figured it out when he asked me the first time about going there.

On an other news, I have almost completed to gather all the iron I need for my construct bow, but I have still lots of silver to gather. No news from the dwarven army for the sand bags I have ordered from them.

Hellblazer · « **Reply #12 on:** September 08, 2009, 01:17:08 pm »

With the room that I rent, almost completed, I have found a new place to train. I have set up an archery range in my huge room. It gives me the chance to practice without loading up the kitchen of fishes. But at least I can train here, no matter what the weather it is and I can do it undisturbed by monsters of all kind.

I'm just excited by all that is happening lately. Elly's teaching of the Al'noth. Jilseponie training me to become an Arcane Archer. Mai and I getting together and exploring life sweet pleasure, love and more. Life is being good to me at the moment, and I will enjoy it to the utmost.

Hellblazer · « **Reply #13 on:** September 08, 2009, 01:28:40 pm »

An archer of my talent should be able to do her own arrows, was what Tray told me the other day in Vehl. While it is true I am training bows so that they never run out of arrows, and specific arrows for specific task. It may be beneficial to my understanding of what Arcane Archers are. Jilseponie had told me that I had to be ready to defend my party and those around me at all cost. This is a sacred duty of the Arcane Archer that goes beyond the simple fact of being the ultimate archer.

And so, I have started to train fletching and bow making, in the hopes to better understand the principles of archery. Not that I am not already very proficient, but one can never know enough.

Hellblazer · « **Reply #14 on:** September 09, 2009, 01:27:37 pm »

For the past year now, Jilseponie has been training me to better control the flow of the Al'noth that flows through my body. "It's a mind thing" She said, and so she has been giving me some concentration exercises while she was doing much to break my concentration. But in the end I think I could finally feel what she was talking about. I could feel the Al'noth move upward from my center to my shoulders, and then from my shoulders down to my arms and slowly to my forearms. Finally after much time and much concentration I finally felt it reach my finger tips through the shaft. The training shown me how to release the arrows with the sought effect. It is not as potent as I have felt her own, and I still have much to train in, but now I know how it is done.

She told me to prepare myself as soon I would have to go through some test, to prove my worth. I have no idea what king of test that is, and she would not give any precision, but I feel it will be something quite life changing. I know I can do this, and I will.

Hellblazer · « **Reply #15 on:** October 02, 2009, 09:21:03 pm »

Hmm I am sorry my diary if I didn't put pen to paper more this last year. It's not that I had nothing to write about, but more of .. I don't know... Lack of interest maybe.

Well first of, my trainings keeps going on. The fishes and the archery range in my room are getting their fare deal of my arrows. I feel I am this close to getting my dream finally realized. Still all this training is making me bored, but yet I keep going and going.

Maybe that's why I haven't seen Mai in almost a year either. Last time I saw her, I showed her my room and she loved it. She also loved the gifts I gave her, and well lets say that Night I hoped Elohanna wasn't home. But her visit are becoming sparser and sparser. Maybe she had her fill of me, I don't know. Maybe she needed to see her priestess more.. Maybe she just got bored of little me. I hope not..

But even if I do love her.. yes I think it's love.. so new to me, but I am pretty sure it is. Even if I do love her, I can't let her absence put me down and distract me from what I have to do. Training that much has the merit of keeping my mind busy.

I have also thought a lot about what Elohanna asked me. How did the Al'noth helped define me. It is truly a hard question. And I think the answer is, that the Al'noth is as much a part of my very being as the bow is. It has molded my mind, my spirit into becoming better. Always wanting to learn more and become better at what I do. It has giving me the strength to endure the loneliness, but also given me the way to simply hide who I am better from the others when I needed to. Not because I am afraid for them really. But because deep down in me, I have always hated what I was. Always hated my skin and eyes colors. Always hated what my kin did to the outside world. And through the Al'noth and archery, I have found myself. I have found I could help out people, mostly my friends. Help to protect them, make them stronger themselves. I don't think I would be who I am today if I didn't have the Al'noth in my life. And maybe this is the only thing I could give thanks to my father. No matter the scars on my nose and chin, from the beating he gave me before selling me. He showed me I could be better than him in every way. That, might be the greatest gift he could have given me.

I'm not sure if this is what Elohanna would like to hear, but this is as close as what I can think from what she asked.

So bored... I miss all my friends, Tray, Vrebel, Duches, Argos and Alazira, Gorm, Log, all of them, but most of all Mai. And I'm tired of staring at that fire place. Time to take a walk.

Hellblazer · « **Reply #16 on:** October 05, 2009, 06:08:35 pm »

*Tyillaan wakes up in a jump from her reverie, sweating profusely and screaming, it takes a moment for he to realize that she is in her own bed, her room, in Elohanna's house. Still trembling she drags herself out of her bed, taking with her the red satin sheet that she bought for her and Mai. Wrapping herself in it, she sits in front of the fire, rocking back and forth, the tears still falling over her cheeks she looks into the fire for a while before finally taking her journal, and with a trembling hand she starts to write.*

Why... why? Why would Az'atta let her own children die, when she could have saved them?.. Why would she sacrifice the life she has sought to protect and better? Doesn't she realizes that by the inaction of her church, she is in fact destroying her very principle? That they are as guilty for the murder of her children, than those that plunged the ceremonial knife into them? By doing nothing, they have in fact made them selves accomplice of their murder, betraying their own brothers into their fate.. Breaking her very teaching of not brining harm to someone.

How could they just stay there and mourn the life of their supposed friends, comfortable in their beautiful temple and their beautiful garment, safe from harm, while they were being tortured to death?

I can not believe that this would be the wish of Az'atta.. I have lost faith in them.. in their ways of perceiving her love and grace.. In their hypocrisy. They would be able to defend themselves in the church, but they can not outside of it? They cannot defend their own people while it is clearly written in her words that they should?

"Do not, however, take up weapons or dress yourself in armor unless it is to prevent harm from coming to yourself or others."

They have become idle and complaisant in their ways, forgetting even her own precepts. And by their own actions they have not prevented harm to come to their own brother and sister from. They disgust me.. all of them.

I and Rottie alone, in the whole temple, were ready to try and save them.. To not be idle and to try and prevent harm to come to them. Rottie and I alone from all of the followers of Audira, were ready to sacrifice ourselves to obey her teaching.. And with the help of those that seems to cherish life even more than her own follower, we tried to saved them. And the word tells me I have turn my back on Az'atta? We were not attacking their people.. we were trying to defend our people by taking them back from the clutch of those monsters.. And today I am forced to see, that even those who follow the redemptress, are still monsters within themselves. Crocodile tears as long as they are safe in their own house.

It was horrible, I saw them being murdered, while I was unable to do anything for them. We had managed to break the link between the controls and three of the wards that were guarding them. But we were too late. There was still one ward left, but Iradril was sure that it didn't prevent them to cast their sanctuary spell and escape. But instead they stood there and left themselves be sacrifice to the masses and to Caduz.. That lady priest.. she even offered redemption to the one that was about to kill her.. The word was right.. she was a true Az'attan, truer than the sight himself, or the word herself. They could have saved them.. if they only acted instead of praying for a miracle. If they had sent their Az'atta's sights mercs, they would have probably been able to save them, while the day was still shining up on the surface, before the ceremony even started.

I am sicken by them, distraught that all those years I have believe in a goddess that would betray her own followers at the moment they would need her the most, by imposing inaction and allowing harm to come to them. Lying about her own edict.

Mai where are.. you I need you so much.. My world has fallen apart and I am alone in it...

Hellblazer · « **Reply #17 on:** October 16, 2009, 09:59:59 pm »

About four month or so ago, I had the joy to see my love again.. I swear our time together are getting thinner and thinner.. And she was acting so strange too.. distant, uneasy about something.

The reason why I had not seen her for so long, is that she was on the other side of the world, pursuing shadows or something.. not to sure she really didn't talk much about it. We had decided to spend sometime and go venture on Krashin, the cold would ultimately bring us together I thought, enjoying our own warmth around a good fire. And in such it happened, as the trip went on she became more of herself. We rested at the fire, cuddled, and I thought things would be back to normal, but as I woke up from my reveries.. she was still sleeping, but not peacefully. I tried to wake her up gently, even by whispering softly to her ear. But instead she jumped awake, rolling away and as she got up, she unsheathed her sword looking around like a rat looking for a way out of a sinking ship. It took her some time to realize where she was, and then she was back to her distant self. I tried to talk to her more about what had happened, but she became closed, only telling me that she had a dream of a shadow .. or a woman .. not sure. She felt the need to end the trip quick and she pressed the pace back toward the mainland, so she could see "her" priestess to talk about things.

I waited a long time.. maybe two days, camped outside of Hempstead for her, but to no avail. I only saw her two weeks later, for a very short time, so short that I don't even remember what we did. Just that I died on a trip while she was there. Oh right.. We were ambushed by some rather nasty giants trying to emprison us in the opal cave. The healer of Katian refused to raise me, and Argos had to do it himself, with great pain at that. I haven't seen her since though... it's been over 4 months now.

I wish I would be more to her, someone to confide to maybe.. making our relationship more complete.. but is that really what people are for one an other when they are a couple? I don't know. I just wish I would be more, this way.. maybe I would see her more. I'm forced to wonder if we are even a couple still. Or if I'm just someone else to go see, when there is no one else to see.

Hellblazer · « **Reply #18 on:** October 21, 2009, 10:58:24 pm »

I feel like I have been abandoned.

Az'atta, my friends beside Elohanna, Jil, Vrebel, Tralek, Duches who always keeps pursuing me, and Darth, more of a cohort than a friend. But all the others, I have not seen or heard in a year at least. Of them the one that the absence hurts me the most is Mai. I guess she just forgot about me. Since that last trip in the mist forest on dregar.. I have had no words of her at all, no letter, no nothing.. and I think it's time I face the plausible truth.. I was just .. a distraction I guess is the word. I am sadden by these thoughts, as I do not know if they are truth or not, but someone once told me that if you take away all other explanations, the remaining one, even as improbable it may sound, has to be the truth.

As I have written in a previous entry, I can not let my feelings or pain get in the way.. if I do I will never advance in life. instead I will have to learn to live with them. Has she opened an Pandora box, helping me explore the desires and love I had for her? Did she even had any for me? I have no answers for those questions, only her has. But I guess I should have known that opening myself that way to someone, would have ended this way. I am a dark elf after all. But no one ever told me about this, about the desire and love. I guess they all thought I would be to reserved to open up to someone that way. Maybe they were right, maybe they were not.. I don't know. All I know is that I feel like this huge empty space in between my stomach and my heart, one that wasn't there before. I don't know what it is. The two person I needed the most have apparently turned their back to me, one without word, the other without proof but the tongue of the word at the temple. And the nightmares continues also.

But with all of that, I have kept perfecting my skills. Pushing me even further and further. Some times to the break of exhaustion, but this way I can at least not feel what I am feeling when I do not do anything. But with all that training, I have finally mastered what I was seeking for so long. I have become an Arcane archer. But that is only a beginning, there is a lot more to learn, a lot more to discover.

I wish I am wrong.. at least for Mai.

Hellblazer · « **Reply #19 on:** November 18, 2009, 01:28:14 am »

Time is strange. Mai comes and goes which is better than her just being gone.. I guess. But at least I see her a bit more now. And it has also gotten me to think.

I don't know why but I think I'm envious of her. Is this normal? I mean we are lovers, and we love each other, but yet I envy her.. more precicely her skills.

I know that she can't have her arrows explode in a fiery blaze. Or that she can't enchant her arrows just by the touch, like I do. Or that she can't guide her arrows in mid air like I will soon be able to do. But yet.. I envy her. She always seems to be able to find the best spots to shoot, that will do the most damage. Would I still be an az'atta, that I would never have even considered this at all. But she has abandoned me, and even if I do respect life. I respect the life of my fellows more than those trying to steal it from them.

I have to find out how she does it. I could always ask her, and maybe I will. I'm sure she would love to teach me. But for now I have to try and figure this out. I know that there is a range for it, she needs to be a bit closer than me to the foes for her arrows to be effective. That's one thing I will try to work on first I think. keeping just the right distance.

Also I have noticed that her skills at hiding and moving silently are much better than mine. It's something I can train easily here in this house with the wooden floors. If I hear my footsteps then I am not doing it right. From what I have seen, Mai rolls her footing more. She doesn't seem to stomp her foot down, like we are used to. A bit more cat like. Knowing how to hide and how to walk without making a sound, could be very useful in places I can't use the Al'noth.

And well lastly, as a bit of a surprise to me. I have found out I had some skills with very simple locks. It's a bit amusing. Of course I don't want to steal people belongings.. but it could be useful to open locked doors of places a group would need to enter to save someone for example. Or to get that special treasure that would elude us if no one had those skills.

That's a few things I can work on. A side project as one could say. Maybe it will even bring Mai and I closer and spend even more time if she trains me, but I don't want to force her. If she is with me, I want her to be because she wants to. Not because I manipulated things for her to be there.

Well I since every one is asleep, I might start with my training, see if I can walk around the house without waking anyone.

*She lets the ink dry, the book open, and starts to walk around the house.. not very silently at all.*