Daniella Abigail Stormhaven- a journal

[Alatriel]

So many things have happened since I first came to Ft. Llast.  I've met a lot of people, and seen a lot of things.  My favorite place to be still is fighting skeletons in the crypts in Vehl.  I love to watch as they crumble under the might of Toran's power, and know that I am able to channel that power for His purposes.  That city is plagued with problems, not only of undeath, but of greed, prostitution, and otherwise lost souls in general.  I do what I can to help.  

One of the older paladins in this area that I have met, Mr. Balazar went with me and a large group of people on our second attempt to clean out a large crypt that we discovered deep in the Sooth Moors.  He said that it was at one point home to a lich that Master Quantum killed.  I asked if it was THE lich... the one that they talk about him killing before he was appointed the Hand.  He never did say though.  Mr. Balazar asked me to walk with him, so I obliged.  We traveled all the way by boat to Alindor and fought a few giants before coming to the Lake of Glass.  He said he wanted to tell me a story.  He told me of a paladin that he once knew by the name of Maev O'Leary.  He said she rose to power quickly, and had a tragic fall because she lost faith in Toran.  It was a very sad story, and she seemed to be a scar on Toran's glory... to break and oath and to fall like that.   But then Mr. Balazar said something awful.  He said I reminded him of her.  I assured him that I have less than no intention to lose faith in Toran.  I will not make the mistake that she did.  He said that she put her faith in people over faith in her god.  Well... I really don't see that happening.  I keep trying to tell myself that I should live by the Beacon's example... that friends and other relationships complicate things.  When I look at what Lance has been dealing with, I know she must be right.  It does get lonely at times, but then I remind myself that I am never alone as long as Toran is with me.

I should try to figure out where my path is headed though in His service.  Do I want to remain as I am?  Continue down the path of the paladin, or do I want to follow in the footsteps of my mentor and become an undead hunter?  I wonder sometimes about what she told me.  About the corruption in the church.  I know she would never lie to me... but no one else seems to notice it.

[Alatriel]

I went outside today to get some air after spending a long time making potions, and I ran into Aeronn.  Apparently he was also enjoying the fresh air, and managed to make his way to Ft. Llast.  We decided to go for a walk together, and he said that the view from the cliff side of Blackford Castle was breathtaking... he was right.  I'm not exactly sure what to make of our little outing.  He is very strong on the battlefield and I have always enjoyed his company, but being alone with him in that setting... I'm not sure what to make of it.  Apparently he has felt the call of Rofirein since he was very young and his father was a knight of Rofirein as well.  It seems a very familiar story to me given my own choice to follow Toran and father's footsteps.  I need to think more on this though.  Perhaps after a good night's sleep I'll be able to make a bit more sense of it...

[Alatriel]

Lately I find myself wishing that Toran and Rofirein had not parted in their alliance... then maybe things would be simpler.  With the Beacon gone, I cannot even ask for her wisdom, but then, I almost fear for what she would tell me.  No, I probably should just keep this to myself.  It's probably nothing anyways.  Perhaps I only imagine... no... the way he looked at me tonight, I couldn't possibly have mistaken that.

[Alatriel]

I went on an excursion with Lance and Aeronn and Miss Ell.  We had toasted the new year in the hopes that this next year we would be able to accomplish even more good than the previous one.  We went to Dregar so that Aeronn could complete a mission for a man in North Fort, and also we also sought out the pirate problem near Hurm.  After we completed Aeronn's mission we headed into the desert and fought giants... and I didn't fare so well.  That's the second time I've fallen in battle this month, but this time Aeronn was there.  When I returned from the bindstone, Lance assured me that he asked Miss Ell not to raise me, which I thanked him for, not wishing to once again feel the ill affects that Aragen's blessing seems to leave me with.  Aeronn seemed both concerned and relieved, and extremely overprotective, but I suppose that is a trait of Rofireinites perhaps.  I assured him that I would be alright once I was able to pray at the place where I fell, but he asked that I stand back from the fights when we encountered more giants on the way back.  That recieved an odd look from Lance, but in my state at the time I believe I would be no help to them, and it would be foolish for me to try lest I fall again... and that would help no one.  I worried a few times during the battles as I saw Aeronn falter a couple of times, but Miss Ell was quick to heal him so that he could continue.  I am glad that neither of them were killed while trying to help me.  After I had recovered Miss Ell went her separate way, and Aeronn and I made our way back to Leringard by way of Hurm.  

He still had so much concern in his expression that I had to reassure him once more that I was fine, and that this is part of what both of us do.  He said that he was used to the toll of battle, but then he cut himself off before he said much more.  I told him that people fall in battle.  It happens.  He blamed himself for not being able to reach me with healing before the giant hit me with his axe, but I told him that the fault rested only with myself as I had lost concentration before I was able to heal myself, and that he not need feel responsible or sorry over it.  Toran saved me once again from the soul mother's toll, so all is well.  It was raining when we reached Leringard, so we went to an inn there that Aeronn told me belonged to Chaynce Baldu'muur's mother.  We stayed there for the night, separately of course, but we met the next morning for breakfast.  I do feel that I am growing fonder of him, but I worry if it will keep me from fulfilling the tasks that I need to be doing in Toran's name.  First and foremost my heart and soul should belong to my god and His purpose, right?  Perhaps I am growing careless.  I try very hard to keep things straightforward and businesslike... but I know I am failing miserably.

[Alatriel]

There's something about Aesthir that does not sit well with me.  He was asking a lot of questions about the Toranite church, and he was continuously leading my questions and changing my words around to make them sound different from my meaning.  I never told him anything really about what goes on, but he kept asking about our vows, what our code was, etc.  Finally after he'd asked the questions several times and me not giving him any real answers, but him also not giving up, I told him that if he really wanted to know all he needed to do was to go inside a temple of Toran and ask.  Obviously I know that a Knight of Rofirein will not do that.  Finally he stopped asking the questions.  I did call him out on his leading though, and he got a bit defensive, and then left the group once we got back to town.  He can be a good ally in battle, but sometimes... there's just something I can't place.  I know Lance seems cautious of him.  There's definitely a difference between Aesthir and Aeronn, even if they are of the same order.  Aeronn is warm and caring, even when speaking of the law and justice, and he seems to truly care about people, but Aesthir is cold, and seems to not to truly care about anything BUT justice.  

I have not seen the Beacon in some time now.  I hope she is well, though I expect that if she were not the church would know.

[Alatriel]

The soul mother visited me once again...
We went to the Dragon Isles, and fought the minotaurs, but on the way out, they must have sent in stronger numbers of reinforcements.  They noticed us and all attacked at once.  I'm honestly not sure how many of us were so close to death so many times before we actually succumbed to it.  I'm not sure how, but even though I fell I managed to awake, weak from bloodloss, to look around at my fallen companions, Razeriem, Tod, Miss Amireana... and Aeronn...  All had fallen, and the minotaurs were still standing over us.  I mustered all the strength I could and ran.  I managed to get up to the upper level of the cave when I ran into the gorgons, who apparently decided to aid the minotaurs in their chase, and I was suddenly unable to move as I felt the final blow into nothingness... then I felt ripped apart as another piece of my soul was stolen, and I found myself at the bindstone.  I wish I could say that it doesn't hurt as much this time, but I can't.  All I can say is that I will not let myself be guided by hatred and anger like I did before with the goblins.  Tod reminded me of my folly then, and I will not make that mistake again.  

I found the rest of our party save Miss Amireana... I'm not sure where she was bound... back in Ft. Vehl near the docks, where we decided if we would return to pray or not.  Razeriem said that he could cast invisibility on us so that we could return in safety, but Aeronn refused saying there was no honor in going invisible before his enemies.  I guess this angered Tod because he yelled at Aeronn that he'd go back by himself, which he did.  Razeriem also had words for Aeronn, saying that it was a stupid law that Rofirein had chosen for his followers to obey because it meant that Aeronn would now be useless to any and all that needed him until he recovered.  I told Razeriem that I had already lost enough of my soul for one day that I did not want to have the rest of it torn at by his spiteful words.  He got very angry and left.  I'm not sure where he went because he did not return.  I can only hope that if he did decide to go back to the Minotaur cave that he made it out safely again.  

Miss T showed up and started spouting off something about maybe we should leave the minotaurs alone, and Aeronn attempted to explain to her that if we let them, they will overrun any nearby settlements or towns.  She asked him for proof so he gave her the examples of Hempstead with the Kobolds, and Hlint with the invading Goblins... I just gave up, I didn't want to hear anymore, I was too tired and worn from the exprerience.  I made my way to the Arena to sit for a while and reflect.  Aeronn came after me, but I could see how weakened he was from his death.  He sat next to me and put his arm around me, and for a moment I forgot all about the churches and those who would tell us not to be together, and I was able to relax and be comforted, almost as if the piece of my soul had been returned as long as he was near.  But once I realized that, I remembered that I have a duty, and as much as my heart and soul seems to be pulled to him, I have pledged myself to Toran, and that is where my heart and soul should lie... not with a Knight of Rofirein.  I pulled myself away, and told him that we should fine the others.  If I cannot trust myself to be alone with him, then I should simply make sure that we have other company with us as often as possible.  

There was a group of people outside the arena near the temple, and Marec was there, trying valiantly, even if to no avail, to find people to aid us in returning to the Minotaurs so that we would be able to pray and recover more quickly.  Eventually he gave up and went to meditate somewhere.  I hope he is not angered.  I didn't need more people to die to try to help me.  I knew that I would be better with time.  I found myself lost in my own thoughts.  Thoughts about my duty, and where it lies, thoughts about Aeronn, and the words of my mother... that even those in the service of Toran deserve to be loved...  I grew tired and needed rest.  Once I had rested though I felt better.  

Miss Ell arrived and then Lance, and eventually we all decided to duel a bit in the arena.  Lance and Ell battled each other a couple times, and then Miss T wanted to fight us in order to improve her technique.  I accepted the challenge, having fought her before, and she trully has improved... though she was still beaten.  It was a harder fight though as she moved around so much I could barely make contact with my blade, and often she was able to parry my strikes.  She certainly is learning, whereever her teaching is coming from.  Aeronn also fought her, and so did Lance... I don't know how Lance is as quick as he is, but he is very formidable in battle.  I offered my two magic rings to aid strength to Aeronn when he and Miss T fought against Lance and Tugs.  It didn't help enough as they were both beaten quite surely.  Aeronn and I dueled each other also, and we were fairly evenly matched... but he let his guard down in the end and I won.  When Aeronn returned my rings, though, he gave me a third as well...  a ring that he made for me.  When I looked at it more closely I saw that the stone was held in place on either side by a symbol:  on one side, the symbol of Toran, the other side, the Rofirein crest.  As I look at it now I am proud to wear it, though I know that when the Beacon returns she will not approve.  I told Aeronn that as well, and he said that he did not want to cause me trouble, but I explained that as he made it for me, I love it, and I will wear it with pride... whatever may come.

I know how Toran feels about the church of Rofirein... but if He could forgive Navarre for what he did, and accept him back into his grace... maybe there is hope for the alignment of the gods again some day?  Or at least there may be hope for Aeronn and me?

[Alatriel]

I met another Toranite a few days back.  He said his name was Tristan In'Darsus, and that he had been trained by Quantum.  I guess that makes sense if Rain In'Darsus said that Master Quantum was a close personal friend of his that he would get him to train his son.  We met at the crypts in Ft. Vehl, but then we travelled to Storan's Crypt after that, where I'd gone before with Marec and Aeronn and Aesthir.  The first time I went in there, Aeronn died, and we had to go and help him return... this time with Tristan and Tod and Aerimor... oh yes, I met him too, though he says his debt has been paid for his crimes and he is free again... well this time I died.  I got swarmed by mummies and then before I knew it I was at the bindstone.  Luckily, both times, Aeronn's and mine, the soul mother stayed her hand.  

I am curious about Master Quantum though.  Is he really corrupt?  My father speaks of him with nothing but respect, but well, that's normal because my father seems to respect everyone within the church, as well he should.  But the Beacon is not fond of him.  It's difficult.  Two people that I trust very much have such different views of people.  Which one is correct?  Or is it possible that they are both correct?  Or both wrong?

Aeronn and I also had dinner recently, and we discussed Aesthir.  Apparently I am not completely off in my feelings about him.  Aeronn says he's sensed some of the same things about him as well.  Perhaps that is why Lance has always been so wary of him, and I've never understood Aesthir's apparent disdain for Lance.  I will not completely shove off the company of Aesthir, not yet, but I also will not travel alone with him anymore.  

Oh, and I met another Rofireinite too, named Alassir... I'm starting to wonder if perhaps Rofirein prefers names that begin with A.  Ha!

We travelled down to Haven mines yesterday, and we were able to make it out safely.  All of us.  I can't remember who all started with us, but I know that we were joined by a dwarf and then a half-orc or something, but he was rude, and in my opinion untrustworthy, and he muttered something about Toranites and never would answer my question when I asked him which god he served.  He started killing the ogre slaves once we got down in that area also, in spite of us telling him to leave them alone.  Luckily he left us, so we no longer had to worry about if he would turn on us or not.

It's always such a great debate with those ogre slaves.  If we leave them, they are still slaves.  If we set them free, they will attack us, since they attempt to even through their bars, or perhaps they would attack Haven City, and then we would have to kill them.  So which is more cruel?  To leave them alone or to kill them?  I prefer to leave them alone I guess, but I do think that some think that they should be set free, even if it is only to defend themselves before their own deaths.  Though seeing the number of gnolls in those mines, and they do seem to just multiply faster than rabbits in springtime, I wonder if the mine should just be destroyed, in spite of the richness of ore.  One of these days that ore may run out, and then what will we be left with?  A hole full of gnolls.  Ha!  I am funny today.  And they said that Toranites have no sense of humor!

On a darker note though, after we left the mines, a friend of Aeronn's came by.  Iradril.  I've met him before on a quest where we battled demons of all sorts, many months ago, but I'd never seen him without his helm.  Aeronn said that he never asked him to remove it because he knew what was underneath, and Iradril said something about keeping himself covered in respect of those he served.  I told him that he did not serve me, and I prefered to know who I was speaking to, so he said we needed to seek a place of privacy.  We went outside the city, and once it was just the three of us, he removed his helm.  He's a dark elf!  I asked Aeronn why I shouldn't report him, and how a knight of Rofirein could in good conscience be friends with such a creature, and of course he had his excuses.  I was furious.  Aeronn later tried to explain and said something about Iradril being awarded honors and that he is allowed in the cities and other such nonsense.  I let him tell me the whole story of how he met him and everything.  I was cooking and I guess it calms me because I said that I would not make a report about it, but neither would I trust him or be friends with him.  Not after I've had so much trouble hunting that other dark elf.  I just don't understand why people are so quick to trust dark elves.  But I do trust Aeronn, so for now I will simply watch out to make sure Iradril does not betray Aeronn's trust, regardless of how misguided it may be.

[Alatriel]

The Hand has been taken by undead.  

The reactions are not necessarily what I would have expected.  I know that he supposedly has many friends around Mistone, those that constantly profess that he is a close and personal friend of theirs.  When I spoke with the Mistone guard stationed in Llast after it happened, he said that the church had notified the Undead Slayers around the world.  I can only hope that they answer the call.  I happened upon the Beacon Ravenwind after I found out about it... she was yelling at Razeriem for not keeping his word about something...  I thought she must've been notified and returned because of what had happened, but she said she did not know.  Strangely, though, she didn't seem too upset about him leaving, even though her words said otherwise.  I know she's said before of the corruption in the Order that began with Master Quantum himself, but still... to be happy about someone, anyone, being taken by undead.  I must have misunderstood it.  Didn't I?  She said that she would head to Huangjin to meet with the others and decide on a replacement for the interrim.  I said that finding Master Quantum should be our priority, and she said yes, but order must be kept.  I guess she meant that they would have to maintain the order in order to best look for him.

A few days later I found Aeronn and Marec outside of Ft. Llast, and we were joined shortly thereafter by a dwarf named Argali who described herself as the Defender of Vorax... but she apparently didn't know who or what the Shining Hand of Toran was... which I found odd.  Still, as our allies, they should know what has transpired in order to lend aid in finding him.  Mrs. Dawnstar came out of the gates looking distraught.  Apparently she had just found out.  But then Chaynce Baldu'muur, and then Brian after that came to where we were and Chaynce started making accusations stating he believed that Anne Ravenwind was responsible and kept demanding where Anne was.  All three of them started telling me things that she allegedly did, calling her evil and that even if she wasn't responsible for Quantum's abduction, and they believed that she was, she would not hesitate to take his place.  Chaynce claimed that she told him in no uncertain terms that she would be the Hand, one way or another.  

I hate to admit it, for a moment, the things that they said... and with the way the Beacon was with that dark elf, and the way she was with Razeriem, and that small smile when I told her that he was taken... I believed them.  In fact, she seemed to be more concerned with my so-called dress code violation... which was absurd... than with what should be done about the Hand's abduction...  And as long as I have known her, in the past year and a half that I have been at Ft. Llast, she has seemed different.

But then their lies started to fall apart.  Brian kept saying she cut off someone's hand, and then stated it was Chaynce, and he even said that she didn't cut off his hand, but he claimed she tried to stab him.  I know her.  If she had tried to stab him she would have succeeded.  Obviously she didn't, so once again their lies were falling apart.  And they got insulting.  I may not agree with the Beacon on everything, and I am not certain that she is not capable of some of the things that they were accusing her of, but I agree with my father.  I will not question authority in a public forum to those not initiated into the Order.  I will bring it up when I have her alone sometime, but I will not fail to support her and the others of Toran's chosen to non-believers.

Chaynce said he was going to kill Anne.  I assured him that I would not let him do that, though I believe he would not be able to kill her, but instead would be going to his own funeral, with or without having to go through me first.  The fact that he stated his intent in front of a paladin of Rofirein was just stupid in my opinion, but at least if for some odd reason the Beacon does end up murdered, we'll know exactly where to go.

Then they came up with the most ludicrous idea and accusation of all, they said they thought that the Beacon was a vampire.  Now I know for certain they are crazy.  The Beacon?  A Vampire?  Not a chance.

What happened after that doesn't really matter too much.  Jaelle Thornwood showed up with Razeriem's child, and there was more talk, then some investigation, then Chaynce went to "ask" the ogres if they saw anything, and after they started to attack him I went to help.  He may want to kill the Beacon, but I'm not going to stand by and watch him get killed before he actually commits the crime.  Then I'd be just as guilty.  

Anyways, Chaynce wanted me to go to Arindor's demise with him, but I could not bear the insults of the Mistite any longer and I left to the temple.  I will pray every day about what I heard.  I don't know how much of what they said was true.  Perhaps it is all just a misunderstanding.  But I have seen her do some very out of character things in the past year.  Maybe they just don't understand that she does what she does for the good of the people.  Or maybe she has lost her way?  If that is the case though, if she has lost her way, wouldn't Toran withdraw his blessings?

[Alatriel]

It's been a lot of busy days recently, as should be expected since the Hand was taken.  I guess I don't know where exactly to start...

I went to Huangjin to find Chaynce and attempt to convince him not to kill Anne.  I still don't know if he actually listened or not, but after a long time arguing with him the fool actually tried to kiss me!  Well, I slapped him and he left the steps of the Citadel and into the city, so I guess that was some form of a victory.  For some reason I guess he thought that if I spoke to her about the allegations made against her that she would harm me.  I still don't think she would... in spite of everything that has happened even since then.

I learned from another paladin at the Citadel that Gilbert Gallant was out chasing every possible lead that he received as to Quantum's whereabouts, and many of them even bordered on the absurd.  Like, the Hand shopping for new gloves somewhere in the Dragon Isles...  He was chasing ghosts, and somewhere the Hand was still missing.  

I decided to call upon my own training.  There were plenty of clues around me.  We know that he was taken by many many undead, and that there were two female vampires who cast darkness.  We know that someone mentioned that there was another Hand to kill.  We know that when the undead were first spotted, when the attack began, Tod and Keppli were gathering berries near Krandor.  We know that in the position that the Hand is in, he has many enemies.  

Through talking with others, and doing what I could to investigate, I learned that there were vampires, and occaisionally even followers of Corath, deep in the Crypts of Krandor.  So a group of us gathered to go down into the crypt.  We were forced to return, we were not a strong enough force to continue at that time.  We returned again though, this time a stronger force of Toranites and Razeriem, who may not be a follower, but his heart is good, and occaisionally his blade is true.  We were able to reach even the lowest part of the crypt this time... but the Hand was not there.  There were no followers of Corath either.  We were disheartened not to find him, but at least we followed up on the possibility, and we know he is not there, so we can move on to the next possibility, based on what we know.

Tristan In'Darsus found us shortly after our resurfacing, and he brought with him sad news.  Anne Ravenwind has left the church.  She left her ankh, her cloak and her sword on the temple steps and rode off on her horse.  I don't know if anyone has seen her or heard from her since.  I worry for her, and I pray that Toran is able to guide her back to us, preferably before she does something that will endanger herself or others.  If the Hand were not missing and possibly dying, I would go immediately to find her, but in this case, I have to prioritize.  As soon as the Hand is safe, I will leave to find her.  I only hope it is not too late by then.

I interviewed with Mrs. Dawnstar as she had stated previously that she was a close friend to Master Quantum.  She wanted to talk about Anne.  She wanted to tell me all of the horrible things she had witnessed her doing.  I wanted to find the Hand.  Eventually she let me go with her to his house, and the two of us searched through his desk to see if we could find anything useful.  Then we returned to Mistone.  So far no one knows of anyone specifically who may be responsible, at least not for certain, but many people seem to believe that Anne is responsible.  I sure hope not...  Evene now as I write this I am starting to wonder if I need to go ahead and go find her, not necessarily that I believe she would do such a thing, but to allay everyone else's fears, and hope to convince Anne to come back.  Her strength would be welcomed.

I met with Lance, Chaynce, Tod, Marec and Aeronn in Port Hempstead after I returned from Master Quantum's house, and they decided to go into Arindor's Demise to look for Quantum there.  I needed to go to the Temple, but intended to join up with them afterward.  I could not find them though, so I returned to the temple.  Kashi came and spoke to me while I paced back and forth across the floor trying to piece together information.  She told me that Anne was stationed at Ft. Llast as her first assignment.  She was then a simple cleric, she said, a different woman than she is now.  She told me that gradually she became different after she joined the Order. Things changed her.  She said that her heart changed, but her faith never waivered.  I hope that if she has not lost her faith than perhaps her heart may be able to be turned again.  I don't know what happened to her... but I feel I owe it to her for everything that she has ever done for me, everything she has taught me, to find out.  My own heart is torn.  I wish I was able to search for both of our lost clerics at the same time.

After I spoke with Kashi I went outside for a while.  Aeronn was there, recovering from a recent death and a trip to the bindstone.  He said that things got bad during their trip into the Demise.  Eventually Tod returned, and he said that Lance and Chaynce were behind him.  They took a while and still hadn't showed up, so we travelled down the road a little while to find them.  They said we needed to get back to the temple and inside.  Aeronn could not enter the temple, but he stayed outside, to guard he said.  Once inside, they said that one of the vampires had followed them back.  I called out to Aeronn to make sure he was still alright, and we all agreed that perhaps we should go back outside for his safety since because of his god, he was the only one who could not enter the temple.  There was a strange fog that kept coming and going around the town.  Then suddenly a vampire appeared.  Tod said it was one of the ones that took the Hand.  I asked it where the Shining Hand was, but it said that it did not have him, that they were not that foolish.  Of course, it could easily have been lying.  Or perhaps it did take the Hand, but delivered him to someone else?  As we were in no condition to fight at that time I told it to leave and go back to it's hell-hole.  Though I know all it did was postpone it's destruction.  We will have to return there to fight and destroy in Toran's name.  The vampire seemed to take special interest in Chaynce though, so we told him he should stay at the Temple for the time being.  He must not have been thinking clearly.  I swear that man is an idiot.  He seemed to think that the vampire would not harm him simply because it hadn't yet.  The sun came up soon after the vampire disappeared and the light began to dissipate the evil from before dawn.
I bid Aeronn farewell, and asked that he seek shelter somewhere if he was not able to reach Vehl by nightfall.  

I think Chaynce will stay at the temple for now, but I am sure he won't be able to stay still for long.  He asked me what I thought of him, and I told him the truth.  I think he is rude, and brash, and idiotic.  He thought that meant I hated him, but I don't.  I just hope he doesn't do something stupid.

I needed rest after the long days.  I would continue on the mission relentlessly, but reason tells me I would be no help to anyone without time to sleep and recover and hopefully put together all the pieces of information that I have.  I still haven't figured out the next place to look... but I do keep something that Kashi said to me in mind.  

Toran works in strange ways sometimes, and it is always darkest before the dawn...

[Alatriel]

I saw Anne.

I gave Aeronn back his ring.

I have to find Quantum.

[Alatriel]

Toran is testing me.  We are supposed to be tested by things that will strengthen us, so that we know where are weaknesses are and we can become stronger in spite of the.  Toran must have seen that I had a weakness in my feelings for Aeronn.  That he was a distraction, inspite of me telling myself that he was only a help to me.  But after talking to Anne...  No.  My god is more important.  I will not fall to temptation that will lead me from the path that I am meant for.  This pain I feel will go away, just like any other wound I have ever received.  The pain will fade.

At least I pray that it will.

Though I wonder if perhaps he threw Chaynce at me just to show me that it was indeed a test of faith and my own strength.  A picnic?  In these times?  Yes definitely a test.  Toran must be showing me that I need patience, and that I need to hold tight to virtue and rightousness...

As always, I will do my best.

[Alatriel]

We're going into Arindor's.  Again.  This time I will not be called away from the task.  We are going in there and we're not coming out until it is cleaned out of all the undeath that resides in it.  Hopefully we will find Quantum there and have him safely returned.  But even if not, no one will be able to say we did not search every corner, every crack, for clues of his whereabouts.

Laura found Tristan and me at the mouth of the hole.  She was haughty and talked about how she used to be a vampire, but claims she's only an elf now.  She said she'd been cured and that she was no longer a vampire because she was cured.  Anne didn't believe her, why should I?  For all I know she could be responsible for Quantum's disappearance.  There is one cure for vampirism.  You destroy the vampire.  I know that much from my training.  She called herself Evelyn Mistbane, and she said she wanted to help find Quantum.  She said she'd gather information.  I cannot trust anything she says.

She was standing right in front of me.  Anne has been searching for her for years now.  I should have killed her.  The woman has killed so many people.  She has no remorse for the evil that she has done, only claiming that it was not actually her, but that she makes no reparations, has no regret?  How is she rehabilitated then?  

What stopped me from killing her?

Toran, please guide me.  Please show me the path to take to find your servant, and to see that justice is done to those who would go against Your will, against goodness, against the light.

There is balance in the undead?  What nonsense was that?  Did she honestly expect me to believe that there is balance in undeath?  What kind of a fool did she take me for?  Chaos is not balance.  Order is balance.

Toran, please grant me the wisdom to see me through these trials with grace and dignity.  You test me most in places that I need to learn to control.  When I ask for patience, you grant me situations that require patience.  I know that when I ask for strength, you grant me situations that require strength.  I know that since I am asking for wisdom now it is probably because you have given me a situation to grow in wisdom, but please, oh Great Leader... please help me not fail those whose lives are at stake.  I need your wisdom now, which is greater than my own.  Please allow me to be but an instrument of Your will.  Let your will be done.

[Alatriel]

The search for the Hand continues, and the list of the missing seems to continue to grow.  Now in addition to Quantum and Anne, there were also the bodies of the two slayers that we found in the dragon isles, and there are three paladins that have gone missing, but even though I have the desire to go and search for them, I have not the force at my disposal.  I will continue to look on my own, but if they do not return soon, I worry that they, like the slayers, will not be able to.  

Toran, please lend your light and see your followers safely home.

[Alatriel]

Well... where do I begin?  There has been so much going on lately that I have not had time to write.  We went into Arindor's Demise.  We made it all the way down to the bottom... Well most of us did anyways.  A couple of us fell along the way, myself included.  That vampire that keeps taunting us was there, and one fool said he thought that she was going to help us.  Sure she was.  She helped us to our deaths.  I tried to destroy her.  Twice.  Actually three times now, but I'll get to that.  Miss Iellwen, as much as I like her as a person, and if she really will be Lance's wife... she has got to stop raising me from the dead.  I would prefer to simply be drawn to the bindstone than be raised by whom Toran dislikes.  Why no one could speak up for me, I don't know...  

Anyways, when we got to the bottom, we met Death.  Not just as if we all died, but as in a walking death.  I don't know if we failed in our mission or not.  I guess we did.  We didn't find Quantum.

We got a sort of lead days later that someone had seen some men in black robes shoving an older man in a bag... I think... in the Ire Mountains, so we went to investigate.  There were four of us, Balazar, Lex'or, Angel, and me.  Something cast darkness and then Angel was gone.  Lex'or said he thought maybe Angel got scared, but I've never seen Angel be afraid enough to run... especially not if he could do some good.  We did'nt know where he went so we continued into the caves.  There were more vampires in there.  We made it through the whole cave that we were in and found nothing else.  We destroyed the vampires in there, but no sign of Quantum, and no sign of Angel.  We went back to Ft. Llast, and Angel was there.  He said he'd seen Quantum.  He was in bad shape, Angel said, but he could not heal him.  We know now that the followers of Corath have him.

There's more, but my thoughts are not organized right now.

Oh... and we found the missing paladins.  They were already dead.

And Tod lied to me.  He apologized and made me a pie.  I hope that he never lies to me again, but I don't know now if I can trust him.  That hurts.

[Alatriel]

So this vampire that has kept coming back again and again got angry when we were in Arindor's Demise again.  We never went down into her rooms where all the other vampires were, we were only in the top level.  She threatened innocents, and children, and said she didn't want us even in the Silkwood forest.  I will not give up the forest to a vampire.  She has no claim over it.  But she threatened to take three children from Llast.  Aerimor attacked, so Aesthir and I followed suit.  I don't believe any of us survived.

I warned the temple, who in turn warned the town, and I don't know if any children were taken.  I hope not.  I saw Laura, the so-called-ex-vampire in town afterward.  She wanted to make a deal.  She told me she'd take care of my problem with Sharyn- yes, she knows her by name- if I got her all of her records from Huangjin and gave them to her, so that she could have a clean slate.  First of all, I would never do that.  Second of all, I don't think I could if I wanted to. Third,  if she knows what this vampire has been doing, plus I've seen her walk into the demise, she's probably behind the whole thing in the first place, and perhaps this is what she wanted from the beginning!

But then she said that she knew where Anne was.  She threatened to expose her.

I will not bargain with evil.  And no matter what people try to say about that woman, good people do not threaten others to get what they want.

Toran, please watch over Anne.  Even though she left your following, I know that she still follows you in her heart.  She is trying to do some good.  Please keep her safe.

[Alatriel]

Someone keeps leaving flowers for me at Ft. Llast.  I don't know who is leaving them, but I suppose it must be someone at the temple, or someone who knows people there... how else would they know which room I sleep in?  It wasn't Chaynce anyways, he said he wished he'd thought of it.  But I told him, Toran is first, second and third.  Always, there is no exceptions to that.  It worked with my parents because they both agreed on that.  They loved each other, but they loved Toran more.  It gave our family a stable point to focus on, and we had an excellent moral compass because of it.  I don't think people seem to understand that.  Others have told me of paladins who left Toran because they found more than Toran...

There is nothing more than Toran.  If it is meant to be, it will fall in line in an orderly fashion and fit itself in with my faith.  If it does not, it is not worth having.

[Alatriel]

Am I still so easily shaken?  That a moment of a friend, a love, in peril, and a happenstance occurance, which may have been an answered prayer, or perhaps just an odd coincidence, could cause a feeling as if my feet have left me?  My soul is dedicated is it not?  I obey the laws, my code, my god, my temple.  I am loyal to those I have given my word.  I do not break those oaths, and I attempt to carry myself with honor and dignity and fight with valor against the evils of this world.  I hold to the principles of Toran with all conviction I can muster, and all of those I willingly and joyfully do in His service.  And yet the sacrifice I have made in His name... I am starting to understand that I have only begun to catch a glimpse of what the meaning of that word is.  This may be the code of my homeland, but it applies to my path in so many ways.  How my heart can feel both raw and uplifted at the same time... knowing that what I give up should pale in the comparison of that which I strive to achieve in Toran's name.  To give up the distraction, the conflicted feelings and thoughts.  To be mindful only of what must be achieved in the name of the All Watching.  That should and will steady me.  

It was only a coincidence.  A test perhaps.  A test to show me that I am not yet complete.  But with time and dedication.  With conviction.  Perhaps one day I will not be shaken by matters of the heart.  Perhaps Tristan is right.  Perhaps we are not meant to be alone.  But I am not alone as long as Toran is where my devotion lies.

[Alatriel]

Curse you Ilsare!   Curse you to the worst possible Hell and may you never come back to torment me again!

I can't do this much longer.  I can't push him away, yet having him near me is agony.  The more I fight against my love for him the more it keeps coming back.  A look, a smile...  If only he would choose to follow the Great Leader instead of the Great Protector.  If he could just see that the law is not there simply for the sake of the law, but for the people, and that as people change, sometimes we must look to the heart of people so as to change the heart of the law.  

But my heart.. he said that his soul belongs to Rofirein, but his heart belongs to me, forever.  Oh why does he say things like that?  I don't want to say things like that.  I don't want there to be conflict in my heart over who to love more, my god, or a mortal that my heart pulls me to.

Thank Toran for Victory.  At least while I am with him, riding with the wind in my hair I can forget at least for a little while the aching in my heart.

Why is it that Lance can marry Ell, and yet my heart tells me that being with Aeronn is wrong?  And yet I am still pulled towards him?  I offered him to try the longsword instead of the bastard sword.  But he is intent on staying with Rofirein.  That dragon with the golden scales I am starting to loathe to see.  A constant reminder of the rift between our gods, and the rift in my heart.  How am I to remain impartial to someone that I can't help but love?  

Toran... please... I need answers.  I need help and guidance.  I can't do this on my own.

[Alatriel]

After seeing him from a distance and knowing what it is that he stands for, it really is different meeting Master Michaelis himself in the flesh, and actually speaking with him.  I had only gone to Huangjin in hopes of finding Beacon Dubois, and out of coincidence, or perhaps something that Toran forsaw as something I would need, there he was.  He was speaking with Ortheus, so I waited a while and then asked Miss Tyria if Beacon Dubois had returned yet.  It seemed that he had not, but then Master Michaelis offered if I needed to speak with him, so I took the opportunity to introduce the idea that Lance and Balazar and I have been working on recently with the Toran Fellowship.  I think Brandon may be quite interested in it as well.  It seems that Master Michaelis was supportive of the idea, and offered his advice on how to go about things to make sure that it was successful.  

I left there feeling a bit relieved of all the things that have been going on lately.  Toran must have known that I needed some inspiration.  I had mentioned to Michaelis that people still see us and compare us to the Rofireinites.  He said to me, "It's mercy that separates us....most of us. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise."

I needed those words of wisdom when I finally did speak with Beacon Dubois.  It seems that he felt that my recent mission was a failure.  They are out for revenge.  A quality I never believed to be true to Toran.  Dubois said that the high priest and the Hand have given the order.  My former mentor is to be taken along with the rest of them, dead or alive.  Unless I can get her out of there ahead of time.

I have written to Master Michaelis in hopes that he will intercede on her behalf given that Anne recently saved the lives of three of us at her own very great personal risk.  But if I do not hear from him... I know that it will be up to me to see that innocent... well, maybe not entirely innocent, but not evil either... lives are not taken simply to satisfy a lust for blood and vengeance.

Once again, Toran I ask for guidance.  I know what is in my heart.  But please give me the courage and strength to follow your desires and will above all else.

[Alatriel]

Toran does provide it seems.  Perhaps Chaynce's connection to Toran is familial.  I do worry though that his apparent wish to protect me or keep me safe is going to get him killed.  But then, possibly, it could be that he rushes off into trouble, without thinking, and then instead of him protecting us, we end up having to save him.  I think he just needs to learn a little order, maybe learn to protect himself somewhat.  His values and his heart seem to be in the right place, he just doesn't ever seem to think before he does anything.  

I don't think that bar was at all appropriate though.

And I don't think I"ll be going back there.



Aeronn's been fairly quiet the last few times I've seen him.  Though I hope that we can settle into more of a friendship, and I hope someday that he finds someone better suited to him than me.

Until then, I feel that soon I may be headed back into the lion's den.  I can only pray that the mission is successful next time.