I've been sad and depressed for weeks now, forever in my world. I've been thinking of those questions. What have I ever done that made a difference to anyone?
How have I ever changed to world to make it better?
Well I could claim my kids, but Mera is the only one I'm actually involved in. I could claim my sculpting, but I do it because I love doing it. I could claim all the monsters I've killed, but there is no shortage of them, I don't see how it's anything lasting. Hmmm I guess my answers are:
I learned to fight and sculpt for myself. But they both have been extremely important to me. The fighting allowed me the freedom to go out into the world and take care of myself. And there have been times where I have participated in fights that have been important. I have helped actually save lives directly with my participation. I even saved a little girl from being eaten by a water horse. There have been more counts then what I give myself credit for. I wonder why I am built that way?
The sculpting was of significance in my spiritual growth. In taking a chance to succeed, to doing something that made me happy in and of itself. With the risk and success there, it opened something in me, I took different chances. I took chances to be successful. I refocused in my magical studies; I for once took them seriously. Instead of just going as far as my natural talents took me, I put effort into it. I made it a priority. I am so thankful that Amanda was around at this time in my life, she always encouraged me. I know that my successes did make a difference to her. That's why I still take it seriously even now. To honor her faith in me.
I remain who I am spontaneous and impulsive, lead by dreams. Anne in many ways has been my strength and my weakness. She made me believe I was better than what I am, that I was part of something greater than just her and I. It was from her faith in me and my belief in the greater good that I decided to go purchase those three slaves and free them, to dream of building my own ship and becoming a thorn in the side of pirates, slavers and the GDC.
As I have been thinking these last weeks, I know I have to keep after this dream. I have to do something that matters. I have to have something to tell Anne when I see her again. I am going to name the ship the Ravenwind. And when I falter I will redouble my efforts, for me and for Anne. I am going to do this for both of us. I am stronger because of Anne; let my successes be our successes. Let our failures be our own.
