Razeriem-Yet to be named.

[Aerimor]

*All entries are written in a mix of common and Elven using which ever word is easiest or comes to mind at each time.  The hand writting is in large looping beautiful print.*

*Title page reads:*  The journal and records of Razeriem Greytree.

*Added later in common:* If this journal is ever found, please destroy or seek Razeriem Greytree for large reward.


I can not belive I am writting in a book.  I guess I just need some place to vent or talk to at the moment and both of my friends are upset with me.  I do not forsee this journal lasting any length of time, but time will tell.


Where to begin?  With my Daughter?  With my falling out with Alatriel? Or with my break with Jaelle?

I think Alatriel and I will be on speaking terms again soon enough.  She just had the unfortunate job of trying to be a friend and pointing me in the direction of truth.  I do not think I took it as well as she hoped and of course when we had a disagreement on what the facts of the issue meant, well that was the end of the discusion for the day.  I think she went to make the delivery I asked of her anyway.  Her heart is larger than even her chest.  Some day she may lose her naive view that she can help people that won't accept it.  But enough on her for this entry.

I am afraid I am going to lose what little contact I have with my daughter Lealue.  Her mother has been set to marry some shlum she used to like two decades ago.  I guess that was the best her father could do on short notice.  I have been allowed to visit my daughter as long as it was not too often or too long, but now I think that will be stripped form me.  I expect Lealue's mother to collapse to her father's wishes if her new husband is of like mind.  And as he has no love for me, I do not forsee him allowing it.  I do not think he has ever gotten over my interest in his sister.  That was over a decade ago!  Anyway this has weighed heavily on my heart and mind and may of set me into motion with the last of the trio of problems before I should of acted.

Jaelle...where to begin? She is the most infuriating , stubborn self-absorbed hypocritical, mixed signal sending pain in the arse I have ever known!  She has a dark and treacherous background and history.  She is as shifting as desert sands, as easy to navigate as a hurricane at sea.  


And despite it all I love the  woman.  I know she would be nothing but challenging and heart tearing to be with.  But she is not evil, just seriously without course and in need of healing.  The kind of healing that takes years and costs others there health.  I will not say I have fallen for her, as I still have enough self respect to speak up for myself and hence the true trifecta of my woes.  I went with her to the island of Mist and ended up back at her place afterward.  I now think if the gods to exsist and they do take notice of our affairs that Mist had her  hand in the events of that night.  Well Jaelle is so  beautiful and she is with damaged heart, alas two of my weaknesses.  I should of cut it off then and been the hell out of town.  But I hung around found out enough about her to pity her.  And from the pity grew love and affection.  She is good as all the weaves she casts.  

After a couple months of being led on and to the brink and then pushed to the rear I finally had enough.  I decided to just be a friend and support her from a safe distance.  After all I found out she was sick, and while not dying, with great side effects.  This course of action lasted all of a week, if that.  She confronted me about my distance and a told her true.  And even though in the past she spoke of remaining as friends the best course and to my saftey, she once again attempted to pull strings.  Accusing me of making her sickness about me, and calling me selfish.  I should've walked then, but I had to have the last word.  With all the passion she stirs within me, I grabbed her and kissed her.  And when she responded in like, confirming the feelings she has for me to everyone but herself, I cut the kiss off and left.  I think I said something about looking me up if she could ever admit her feelings.

That is the last we spoke.  I was confused and filled with too many emotions to names when I ran into Alatriel.  When she asked twice what was wrong I named Jaelle and was ready to leave it at that.  Alatriel then asked if it was then true that Jaelle was pregnant with my child?!!! Alatriel and I had a lengthy talk in the back room of the Scamp's.  The major things of note that came out  were that I do think Jaelle is pregnant, I do not think its mine as I know Jaelle was taking herbs and the dates just do not work out.  I think Jaelle got pregnant shortly before running into me and decided to take advantage of her good fortune. She knew me from months earlier and had to know my predisposition to physical beauty.  She also must of known I have no worries when it comes to money.  I think whoever got her pregnant was not a viable option and when she looked around I was undoubtably the best option available.  Good looking enough to be on her arm, well off enough to see to her needs,  pre-disposed to children and with an obvious and strong sense of honor to take care of my children.  I had to be a savory mark, if I do say so myself.

But even with this betrayal, I can't help but hope she is well.  And I pray that the child survives, Jaelle looks worse off than any other mother' I've known.  But  her in the same breath, if she would've admitted her condition from the begining, I'd still have welcomed her-wouldn't I?

I guess it comes down to the fact is I was wrong.  I thought she had changed, that she matured since our last meeting.  But clearly is was I who was the fool.  The only thing that changed is the level of prefection in which she plays her hands.  To be honest with myself, I did fall for her, not Jaelle, but the version of her I created for myself.  The version that I wanted to believe could care for another.  I pity the child she carries.  Maybe it would be best off to ...no I am wrong to think it.  The child deserves every chance.  Even now, the child being another man's I would take and care for it.  When it all boils down it could almost of easily have been mine.  Thank all that is good that that is not the case.  I can not even imagine the complications if the fate were so cruel.  At least now I can cut my losses and move on, that is what dandies are good at.  Time I start acting the part.  I swear, I'd swear women off, but there is not a chance it would last.


Well this is more than likely my last entry, I just do not see me as the journalling kind.  All I did was leave incriminating evidence for others to read.  I can not even say I feel any better or have any better understanding after writing this.

~R *Very ornate and large*


Post Script: If something should befall me, let it be known as my last will and testiment that my Daughter Lealue is my sole heir.  And should recieve my estate in its entirety, minus any just and due processing and delivery fees.

In my own hand.

Razeriem Greytree.

[Aerimor]

I can not believe what I have done!  I am surely a hunted Elf now.  I ran into Jaelle repeatedly and we made up to some degree.  I guess I came to terms with her inability to accept love, her carrying another man's child, and her being a hypocritical hot and cold love.  I told her that if she carried her child to term I'd care for it and love it as if it were mine.  I told her that I could see in it all of what she could of been.  I think this may of won her over.  I think she may try to carry the child to term.  I found out that she was poisoned with negative energy and it almost claimed the child's life already.  She seems to think she is out of the woods now, but the child's life may or may not still be in jeopardy.  In any case she does claim to be doing everything she can.  I care not to write what else we discussed, they are matters I prefer time clouds for me.

When we parted she acted as a friend and encouraged me to go fight for my daughter, to take her if need be, but in any case to fight for what I love.   Hmm I do think she meant Lealue and not her.  But with that blasted woman, who knows!!!  

I am currently sailing from Voltrex to Mistone as I write this.  I have Lealue with me.  I left after Jaelle's pep talk and immediatley booked passage to Voltrex.  As soon as I set foot there I meet with Lealue's mother.  I made an empassioned plea that my visitation not be severed once she marries her husband.  She told me she'd talk it over with him and let me know the next day.  It was a long and restless night, as well as voyage.  When we met the following day, not only she showed up, my her father and betrothed as well.

  She said she was sorry but she felt it was not for the best that I was in Lealue's life any longer, that it would just confuse her.  I know she was speaking those words to appease her fiance, I know it was her offer of promise and faithfulness to her fiance.  But the words ripped my heart asunder.  

I do not really remember what happened next.  I think I asked to kiss Lealue goodbye and she consented to it over the two other's objections.  I then remember then deciding Jaelle was right, that I had to fight now or loose her forver!  I remember running away with Lealue in my arms.  And I remember Jahrlyn catching up with me near the docks where I was awaiting my ship out....this ship.  I know we had harsh words and he pulled a dagger on me; I did not draw my blade, but I do know I hurt him all the same.  I think I only broke his jaw,  I pray I only broke his jaw.  He went down in heap. After pausing long enough to see he drew breath I dashed away to this ship.


Now that my adrenaline has left, and I have had time to think.  I cant help but be horified by my actions.  I can not believe I took Lea from her mother.  I am at loss, and I do not know what to do.  I am sure their are people after me even now.  That is if they did not send magical communication ahead to have authorties waiting for me as we dock.  I know what I did was wrong, but so would be just smiling and walking out of Lea's life without a fight.  I need to talk with Alatriel or Jaelle and quickly.  I am too close to this and I need help in the worse way. I just really


--I will finish later, if I am able.  Lea needs to be changed and feed.  And I have no supplies.  I am sure I can buy some from the others aboard. I just now realize I do not know how to take care of her.  I know about kids, but I've never had to do everything for one.  First priority when we dock...If I'm not arrested, is to hire a nanny.  I will buy the best in town,  as I promised Lea, she will never want for anything



...except her mother?

[Aerimor]

I can not believe I am still writing in this journal!

I met with Jaelle and Alatriel and now have a plan of attack.  Jaelle just left with a latter I wrote to Tari //Lealue's mother// .  The letter is to be delivered to Palin, an old friend, and I think he can get it to Tari without anyone being the wiser.  I think with what I wrote she will be willing to meet me without her fiancee, father or authorites.  I now wait on her reply.  So much rides on it.  Lea now sleeps on my lap while I pen this, even if it does not work out, I can not say it was not worth it.

Jaelle and I have an understanding for the time being.  We are giving the being friends thing a try.  Never thought I'd be willing to try such a cliche arrangment.  But point is, I can accept what I can, and if it doesn't work. At least now I'll know I tried it all.  I know that she loves me or as close to it as she can experience for now.  I can only hope she can grow emotionally fast enough to keep up with the relationship.

As I said, it will be what it will be.  No point getting caught up in the details.  And at least she doesn't expect me to stop flirting.  Although if things were right, I suppose I could at least keep myself to myself, with the proper regular encouragments.  I can give her credit there at least, she is not some doe-eyed little girl lost in my bed.  With the proper regiment of Raz, she could be something special.  Which of course brings up the fact that before she left, I made my feeling known and backed them with a kiss.  Seems that was all it took, her resolve melted.  And mine was already non-exsistant.  It was over two weeks since my last daliance.  With that kind of internal pressure built up I think one of those dwarven lasses would of started looking good again.  Well one thing for sure, friends or not, she will not forget me anytime soon.  And the best part! I know I can not get her pregnant.  This may be a new avenue for me to explore!  

Today was a good day. A new angle to pursue, and a friendship strength.  A friendship with.....benefits.

~R

[Aerimor]

Thought I'd write here the follow up to everything that has been going on.  I made it back from Voltrex without being arrested! Miracles of miracles, I also retained rights to see Lealue.

Well, Jaelle, Lealue and I set sail for Voltrex, I myself expecting the worse.  We wasted time till the meeting time with Tari.  And when it came time we were plenty early.  Tari was almost as early.  Before anything could be said the local law enforcement came bursting in form all sides.  I knew it was the end for me; I was just surprised that Tari lied to me about coming alone.  Well at this juncture their was nothing to do but surrender so I kissed Lealue and handed her over to her mother, for whom she started crying for as soon as she saw her.  I disarmed myself and got taken into custody.  Then I saw the man responsible for the law enforcement, Tari's father my old teacher.  The man can be cunning!  He started yelling for them to take the baby thief away and things were on the verge of disaster for me.

In steps Jaelle to the rescue. I have no idea everything she said but, before ten minutes were up.  I was carted out of sight of Tari and her father and left unrestrained.  I know she was begging my case; she is very cunning with that tongue of hers.  The law men took me back to headquarters and asked me to wait around until Jaelle came to pick me up.  But then never locked me up or even said one harsh word.  They just wanted to know if Jaelle was with me, of course I said yes with a lewd wink.  Sorry guys!  An hour or so later, Jaelle comes to gather me, I thought to promise to take me of Voltrex forever.  Guys are so easy, they were falling over themselves to give her a hand and gather me up.  I am glad I am not so easily swayed by a pretty face.... Alright a very pretty face.

As we were walking out, I started heading towards the docks when she took my elbow and directed me into an Inn.  Turns out she managed to get us invited to see Lealue the next day.  I am afraid to ask what charms or spells she used, so I didn't.  I genuinely thanked her.  On the morrow, we met with Tari, her fiancee and ole Master Gryphonwing.  All three were sweet on Jaelle, even ole Gryph.  He pretended it was all academics and magics, but I've see that look in the mirror enough to not believe it!

By the time mid day meal had passed, I was playing with Lealue, and received permission to visit her whenever I am by.  As long as we stay on Voltrex.  It's really a shame old Gryph can't forgive me.  I think he still likes me down deep.

Our voyage home was very pleasant. Jaelle is always at her most radiant on the seas...when she isn't suffering morning sickness anyway.

I owe her more than I can write here.

[Aerimor]

I managed to meet up with Jaelle again. She had matters to attend to after taking off to Voltrex with me.  Take my eyes if I speak not true, she was wearing a dress that could start a fire in the Ice caves of Krashin!   A beautiful shade of red, setting of her curves, eyes and hair.  And the fabric, so wonderful, I considered trying it on!

Umm pretend I didn't write that! Jaelle looked a little rough for Jaelle and I was asking her what was wrong.  She was telling me she was killed and almost lost the baby.  I was just getting to the bottom of this when Jaelle overheard Alatriel in the room outside.

Alatriel was drunk off her butt and in more sorrow than any one has a right to be.  After a long time of prodding.  We come to find out she miscarried her and Aerimor's baby.  Aerimor flipped out and killed Jaelle and Elohanna.  Man this is tough for me, Aerimor almost killed my god child but I do not think anyone was home when it happened.  I guess I just hope I do not bump into him, I do not know what I would do.  Jaelle seems to think nothing of it and is willing to let bygones be bygones.  I do not think I'd be that strong, I even like the taskmaster, he treats Alatriel well, and I still am debating seeing his blood. Back to topic, Alatriel is broken.  The sounds she made in her sleep, I was about to start balling in front of Jaelle. Alatriel also apparently has a werewolf child? And its sire has to be killed to free it?  I hope she makes more sense in the morning!  Jaelle took care of Alatriel, gave her some teas, and brushed her hair.  Said all the right things, my mind could not seem to find.  It seems all my words lead to trying to get a girl into bed not stop one form crying in it.  And let me not even think about that.  Jaelle and Alatriel in my bed, together...with me in the room.  It could have been soo much better!  Poor Alatriel, I do not think even I could make her forget her worries.

Once Alatriel was mostly unconscious, Jaelle and I had a heart to heart.  She was weird even for her.  The things she raged about and what not.  If I did not know I was not the father, I'd think she was struggling whether to tell me or not.  Oh well, women?  She kept asking me whether I thought the father should know.  And when I told her yes, she jumped all over me.  When I told her to leave because I was undeserving of her outrage, she calmed and apologized.  And then she admitted she was scared.  That would be like expecting to hear me say I'd like to wear animal hides.  I calmed her and told her I still loved her even if she was afraid and that it would be alright.  She then began another round of what should the father's rights be.  I finally seemed to get some answers at the end.  She admitted that the father still loved her.  Not that I can blame him, I just hope he is thick skinned!  And then she admitted that she still cared for him as well.  Guess I should have figured.  That explains why we don't end up in bed every night.  She is still trying to be faithful.  I wish I could say I'd back off, but he has to know what he is getting into.  And if he doesn't better he find out now.  

After that blow, that she loved another over me, well between that and Alatriel's whimpering in her sleep on the bed in the room we were in, that even killed my desires.  She said she still cared, and once again granted me permission to think of this man's child as my god child.  I just let it go and told her to take care of that dress or hers and be careful if she wore it around me again.  That was our glorious good bye.  

I'll hold true my promise to her.  I'll be there for the child if she is unable.  And I will care for her always.  I owe her so much for saving my butt from jail and working it out so I can still see Lealue.  

~R

[Aerimor]

I guess you are turning out to be the friend that is always there for me Journal.  Hmmm, if I am to keep you, you need a name.  Journal will not do, you need something half as dashing as I am, at least.  I will see what I can come up with in the comming days.

Blast that woman!

So, I am off minding my business in Leringard and run into Alatriel.  Who somehow manages to look more pathetic then when I saw her last.  I was trying to get her to go for a walk or anything to get her out of her slump.  Strike that, her morose. I just had her ready to walk and talk and Pallena stumbled onto us and brings up Aerimor.  Apparently Pallena had a box of silk for him and she wanted to get paid.  So after Alatriel broke down at the mention of his name and  paid for the box; they talked some more.

I think Alatriel finally realised I have mixed feelings for the ole taskmaster now and she started flipping out about that.  I told her if Jaelle wasn't after his blood, then I had no grounds to stand on.  But if things turned out differently and he caused the death of my god child....  

Pallena then chimes in that it may be better off that he remains as a panther.  That was too much for Alatriel and she bolted.  I guess I should have followed her, but I was still trying to come to terms with my thoughts on Aerimor.  And Pallena was distracting me.  She should know better than to run around in those tight pants and a top that the fates only knows how stays together!

I can't say she's really my type, leather? And she likes to run around in the woods all the time.  But on the other hand, she is female.  And a Misty, I admit I was curious.  I wanted to know if it was Jaelle or some mystic secret of her faith that draws me to her.  And well, if she is going to admit to me that she loves that child's father still... then I have no reason not to. Actually this may be helping her out, since she has so much trouble staying faithful to that poor chump she's in love with.  At least when I am around.  If I see to myself, I might not be quite as dazzling, and she might be able to keep her sensual lips off of mine.  Looking back, this could almost be considered noble...right?

Well anyway,  I don't know what it is about Misties but they can't seem to keep their hands off me.  Pallena though, is differant, I give her that.  None of my pretty words and lines had any real effect.  I had to change my tact and promise her I'd simulate the seas during a storm for her.  And that seemed to be the winning route.  I could see her appraising me, and then she asked for proof of action. Whatever that means! Told me if I was willing to go to sea with her, then I could attempt to back my claim.  I wonder if all Misties like to get their man at sea or if its just me? Well heck, it was over a week for me, so I agreed.  Besides I had no reason not to, that was made clear.  

She gets me most of the way to that island of theirs, in the choppy waters and pulls out the oars.  I swear I must have been green.  And she tells me, alright lets see if you can back those claims.  Right there in the middle of the ocean, I thought about it for a second.  then decide, heck this is finally some part of the trip I was comfortable with. I quickly forgot my seasickness and put a smile on both of our faces.  I learned three valuable lessons.  All Misties, I think are slightly crazy, they have a death wish I swear! If you engage in activities with a druid, maybe a leather shirt is not so much of a faux paus.  I swear those marks will take a week to heal! And third, the ocean is not so bad of a place with the proper incentives.  Those waves can do their job.  *The next partial line is crossed out* I wonder what it would be like

Well, anyway, we were definately from the opposite ends of the spectrum in our ways. I hadn't been that taken for a ride like that since I had all of those Tower Malts and made a pass at that half-orc.  I swear I thought she was going to break me in half!  

But it was a good change of pace for me, helped me make a break from Jaelle.  You know, Pallena is not bad on the eyes; if you put her in a dress, gave her a make over and some exfoliation, taught her not to grunt all the time...she would turn a few heads.  But somehow I don't think anyone is going to get her to wear a dress.

Anyway, I was just considering going for round two after trimming her nails when she dressed and dove overboard!  I mention that Misties must have a death wish? So I dressed and attempted to keep up with her in the row boat.  Managed to bring that tiny toothpick onto ground at the temple and found her already on shore.  She looked embarrased and basically started to chew me out for coming after her.  I was a bit set back, but said I was only making sure she didn't drown.  Guess that is not the right thing to tell a Misty.  But she softened again and told me I never need worry about that there.  She said a prayer for me and I left.  I was not looking forward to trying to get home alone, but I tell you Mist must of been in a good mood or distracted, because the tide did all the work and I glided into dock.

So, feeling good about myself, I start headed back into Leringard and run into Alatriel again, drunk Alatriel again!  That arse Brian is with her trying to calm her.  Now that was funny, I think she bit his head off before it was done!

After he left, Jaelle appeared, I wonder how long she was there.  But she apparently knew what happened with Pallena.  How the hell she knew so fast I don't have the foggiest.  Must be that Nelle priestess, I think she enjoys tormenting me, she sent a magic message to Jaelle no doubt!  Hmm, I wonder, are Pallena and Jaelle like sisters? I never considered that, maybe that is why she was so mad, not that I was making it easier for her, but because of who it was with.  Looking back, I bet that is it.  I never considered that, maybe I owe her a small apology then.

So she finally breaks her icey demeanor and rips into me.  Saying why should she care what I do. Darn right! But then she goes on telling me not to worry about her or the child, I owe them nothing and have a nice life.  I mention that Misties are all partly crazy? Well so much for my afterglow.  She ruined that, blasted woman!  She was the one that told me she was still in love with the baby's stupid arsed father!  I'd love to ge tmy hands on that loser.  What did she think I'd do, be her puppy and stay at heel?  Women! Guess it was because I started off calm, but I didn't blow up, just choose some choice points. I then told her, I was still going to be around for the child, and her if she managed to cool her temper.  I know I'll be seeing more of her, she's still in my blood.  Can't pick who you're a fool for.  

I went to visit Wyatt before she said something to push my temper over the edge.  I know she stayed to help Alatriel, so that was a big positive.  I can not for the life of me figure out why she rages at me so and yet can find forgiveness for Aerimor.  Hypocrite!  Well I lost a few games to Wyatt, but I think I came out ahead.  

I wonder how moody she is when not pregnant?  Maybe its the pregnancy and there is hope for her.  Maybe not.

~R

[Aerimor]

Life is sweet again, I have weathered the storm.


So Jaelle and I finally had a fight and now she's out of my head.  Still in my heart, but I can ignore that if she can.

She ran into me in the card hall when I was feelign pretty low.  I found out that even at the ends of my rope alcohol holds no appeal for me any longer.  She was spying on me while invisible again.  That woman has issues.  I guess its another of her safty blankets, letting her be close in proximity if in no other sense.  Well even when patchic aparently Misties can't keep their hands off me.  Anyway I lost my cool with Mist and decided it was past time for Mist and I to have a little talk about how she is treating me.  So of fI went in a rush, Jaelle swept in tow.

I jumped in a row boat and headed out to the Mist temple, but errr I kinda missed it?!  I know Jaelle and Mist were both laughing at me, but theirs were yet to come.  I further lost me cool and did a litle yelling and then asked Jaelle to point me towards the temple.  She said in the middle was as good as anywhere and when I disagreed, she decided to play nasty.  Looking back at it she was trying to make me loss control of my anger.  I have speculations, but I still wonder why.  When when she finally struck a nerve I responded with some nasty words of my own.  I finally found her weak spot.  I'll be darned but she does love her child.  Amazing the power of a baby.  So after being nasty and telling her that a mother that could not love herself would never be capable of loving her child and the kid would be doomed,  I let fly with I didn't have to take her child, for the child would choose to leave a heartless creature in favor of the love of a stranger.  And for the coupe de grace, I told her I was going to take the child and raise it as my own.

Aww that was a beautiful moment, the crystal clear spectre of death raging from behind her eyes and into me.  I finally struck the nerve I was after.  I hope she figures out why she reacted so violently.  Oh yes, Jaelle called down her lightning and blasted me into the sea.  I was only able to keep from slipping into oncousciouness.  She pleaded with me to come back into the boat, but I told her I could not unless she spoke from her heart.  Unfortunatly for me I was unable to remain above the sea before she had time to search for her answer.  I had mine however, as she dove in and pulled me back to the boat.  It was obvious that she loves me.

After a rest, she returned us to the island and I rested again.  I still needed one more answer and I still wanted my confrontation with Mist.  I knew that I needed to swim from the island to one fo them shipwrecks,  I knew if I succeeded, I'd win my freedom again.  From Mist, from Jaelle and from my own bonds.  So I made my intents known and Jaelle traded questions from me.  She asked why I would do such a thing, and I told her I needed resolution with Mist and myself.  In return I asked her why she saved me from drowning.  All she could manage was to say she cared.  And that was the last part of the puzzle I was after.  She obviously loves me and now I knew that she is eithe runable to process that fact of unable to cope with the ramifications.  She remains to immature for love.  But I hol dout hope that the miracle she carries inside her may be her saviour.  Not to put too much stress on an unborn.

So with my resolution with Jaelle complete.  It was time to speak with the Mistress.  The one that put it all into motion. Looking back I do not know how I made the shipwreck, stubborness I guess.  Finally laying on that ship in HER domain, I was at rest.  I knew I beat Mist in her own domain.  The afterglow, while lying on that wreck was as sweet as any.  I guess you could say I had relations with Mist herself and had my way.  I know that while she may not keep her hands off my life or myself, that I have at least earned enough respect that she will no longer laugh at my name.

So....the return trip.  Aparently that round was Mist's turn to have her way with me.  I made it about half way to shore before Lady Doom called me to her. It might of been the lack of air, but I heard her voice calling to me.  Alas I do not recall what she spoke.  I just know that while you may take an occasional round from Mist due to her chaotic nature, in the end, she has her way with any that tangel with her.

The Soul Mother stayed her hand at least.  I still will avoid the gods, but I will never thumb my nose at them either.  I have no calling to follow Mist, but I admit it seems I am fully entangled in domain.

Just a few weeks ago, Altriel gathered a group to travel to Dregar to gather silver for her son.  The group was her, I, Steel, Aerron, Iradril and Ophelia, a preistess of Mist.  Well half way through our journey, my charms worked their magic on the Misty.  I do think that for whatever reason Mist has a soft spot for me.  I know I am charming but it seems that ever priestess of Mist I run into has no will against me.  I am begining to wonder if Mist is living vicariously through them.  Is that something gods do?  And if so, I wonder if they have a charter with the names and locations of all of Mist's atrractive followers?  I could be set for life!!!

Well with regards to Ophelia, let's be kind and just say that she is a very energetic and spirited lass!  Reminds me of a maxim of my profession.  What is better than having a pair of long legs wrapped around you?  Having a short pair trying like the hells!

As for the rest of the journey, we succeeded and I managed to remain alive...thank you Ophelia and Mist!  

My last leason was that I am much too delicate to survive in the desert.  If I go again I'm taking more water,  my hair can not survive that many days of arrid sun! Water and skin lotions!  Once I repair the damage done to my hair, at least it is a beautiful honey straw color now.  One last peice of advice.  there is sand in more places than I can mention and the chaffing!

If there is a desert god with desert preistess, they have better be as hot as their climate or I'll stick with the Misties.  Drats, I never thought about it, I wonder if I ply my charms on other god's preitesses if Mist will become spiteful?! Blast and double blasts! I'll have to eat those lightning bolts if they fly.  

Raz

[Aerimor]

I am a father again!

I am so overjoyed I forget all the details.  Just Jaelle finally admited who the father is...me! How could my math be so off?! How could I be so dense?

We bordered on a fight, you know Jaelle with her rising and ebbing.  As she so focused on trying to figure out what I'd do if I knew, she let me find out.  But now that I think about it, I think she has been trying to tell me for months.  I was just missing the clues.  And to think if I never had my tussle with Mist, I may still be the fool!  My clarity and focus still remain, I may even start doing something with myself! Take up my study in magic again? Hire a fencing teacher so I don't have to loose two pints of blood with every fight?

Where was I? Jaelle's fears then crept in, I could tell she was worried that the child would love me more...or I'd out right take the child form her.  As long as Jaelle does her best, I'd never seperate her from her child.  I always thought this child would be her saving grace.  The angel to save her soul.  To show her what love is and then hold her powerless before it.  Now that I know it is also my child.  I have no doubt. This child may be special for another reason, Mist obviously has had a hand in its conception and wellfare.  I think Mist also wants me in its life, to balance Jaelle in raising it.  That may be why her priestsesses are so enamored with me.  They are being offered as appeasments, to keep me in the fold.  Mist apparently knows how to speak my language!

I wonder already this child's life and fate.  Will I have a son to carry on my line? Or will Mist choose a girl in her own interests? Gods if its a girl with Jaelle and I as parents, I will as I told Jaelle, have to buy a dragon to keep the men away! I guess I better start those fencing lesssons soon!

Well we went out on the ocean to discuss details and chase away fears.  It was the best night of my life.  Jaelle's true beauty is always clearest on the ocean.  And her confidence keeps most of her pains and fears at bay. She does not wish for me to be known as the father...for now.  And the gods know how that hurts.  But she made trade by promising me, that no matter her anger, our fates, or what time brings, that I would always have a place in the child's life.  I asked if that counted at the moment of birth.  I think she will allow it, her protests seemed to be in me seeing her in less than savory conditions and at a moment of weakness.

Before we left to sea, we considered a real relationship between us.  But I had to turn down her offer.  Even I have more respect then to agree to what she offered.  Which in essence was that she'd be with me when it suited her, and I'd be her first choice in most things.  I asked for two promises, that she's never have relations with another for the sole purpose of hurting me.  And she could only dance around giving her oath.  Guess it is not meant to be.  At least not until more decades pass and the child has had its way with her heart.

After we figured out the basics we shared some fun and shenanigan's on and off the boat.  I swear I think she meant to see me drown...albeit happy.  Truth be told, there has been better.  Heck she has been better.  But yet it was still the greatest moment in my life..well and Lealue.  I found out to be a father again, I was in the arm's of the woman of my dreams, the woman I love, and I did not have to worry about the future or Jaelle's penache for making misery.  If I life to be 2000, I am not sure I will ever have a moment greater than the trip to sea in a little dingy of a boat. If I live to be 10,000 that moment will always find me in reverie.

~R

[Aerimor]

Roads traveled, bridges crossed.

I went to red light with Jaelle and the prick of a druid friend of hers, Elgon.

Everything went along smoothy, and I only lost 5 times the blood that my body could possibly hold, before leaving the caves.  I have got to find a new fighting style...heck I need to find a style.  And no shields! This thing drives me crazy, and its such an eyesore.  If does not go with anything I own...well maybe the pools of blood I leave! Back to point, as we left the caves, Jaelle and Prick Boy decided they were headed somewhere else and Jaelle asked if Elgon could protect me.  Like I need his protection! And Prick Boy said it would cost her.  Well I did't plan to hear the payment arrangments.  Noone is going to use me as a bargaining chip.  And especially not to get favors from Jaelle!  

I pleasantly told them farewell and masked my outrage.  I then left to try out some new ideas, like not relying on the shield so much. And I got into a bit of a spot and was executing my favorite techique.  I was laying on the ground in a growing pool of blood, letting the goblins think I was subdued.  When I was really biding my time waiting for their ground to become treacherous with my lifes blood.  That is when I was going to pop back up and finished them off while they scrambled for firm footing.  But unbeknownst to me, Jaelle heard the howls from the shamans summoned wolf and some horrible but unidentified sound..so she said.  Well instead of carrying on with her and Elgon's plans she decided to check up on me as I went that way.  Blast the woman! Everything would have been fine, even if my plan failed and I ended up at the bindstone, I can suffer another meeting with the soul mother.

Well my hero comes blasting in without protections in place and kills them all, before I could spring my trap.  I did not see it at the time as I had my eyes motly closed to fool the goblins, but the shaman cast some sort of death spell at Jaelle.  She shrugged it off and no harm was done.  That was that. I learned that I must make sure Jaelle is not close when I fight and no prices were paid.

But Prick Boy decides to chew me out for riskign her life!  Blasted fool, he was suppose to be off with her and they no where close.  He was suppose to be there as her friend and adventering companion, but he was not even there when she investigated.  The last thing, the absolute last thing in the world I want is to risk my child's life.  I did not know she was keeping tabs on me! So I told him how I felt and called him true.  I called him a prick and that prick lost control of his temper and cast the weakest flamestrike I've ever witnessed.  It didn't even singe my hair, just reddened my skin a bit.  I continued to call him true and then Jaelle arrived and called him off like a puppy.  The good little druid did as commanded and licked her palm.  Grow a backbone man!

Jaelle vented on me as always.  I did nothing wrong except take them at their word and stick up for myself.  I guess that is what she hates about me, I won't let her walk all over me...just my heart.  But I will not be some puppy that sits, heels, and begs for the occasional scrap.  Besides she already has one, Prick Boy.


I went to Mist's island..this is becoming curious. And I sought solace in the waves.  I found the peace I knew I had recently won.  Mist does care for me, even if its only temporary, she has plans for me for now.  I spent the night and next morning on the shore.  I planned to leave at sunset, but Jaelle arrived.  She said it was to get her check up, but I think she was worried about me and looking for me. I think she knows she was wrong to treat me like she did.

She amazingly apologized, she better be careful or she might make some leap of growth that she can not undo!  She told me that she over-reacted.  That she was not spying on me...I do not know if that is true. And that she was just checking up because of the sounds she heard and she thought I went that direction.  She spoke smart and said she could not risk her death again to save me if I fell.  And then she turned another leaf and admitted I had power over her heart and that she could not bear to watch me die again.

She spoke with such love, I could not help but believe her.  She even went out of her way to tell me that Prick Boy was just a friend.  I guess she didn't want what I was thinking to pain my heart any longer.  She it so close to love and yet so far away.  If she'd only forgive her past, her pains and herself, she'd stand a chance of finding the eye of the storm.  Her place of tranquility in the chaotic world.  

She offered me a few scrolls that are yet beyond me and I asked her why she gives all the presents.  If it was to buy my affections, silence, or heart.  Of is it was to appease her guilt or heart.  She dismissed the sting I know it must of caused and spoke from the heart I know she has and will not let herself see.  She told me it was for the joy of giving, and if that if anyone ever attempted to buy me, that have to offer far more than she possesed.  I told her I could not refuse her then, for gifts given for joy, also are gifts for the heart of the giver.  I also told her that beside the child in her womb, her softly spoken words from the heart where the greatest present she had yet given upon me.  She went out of her safe place and took a chance of being scorned.  A chance of becoming attached.  

I took the scrolls and promised to study them, to learn them.  I promised I would make it so I was not always lying on the ground in a pool of blood if I went out with her..adventuring.  And I have Kept that promise.  I have managed to cast scinilating sphere a few times.  Next I will work on that negative energy scroll she gave me.  I am slightly dubious about it, but I  will find out more before I condemn it for using negative energy.  Heck I may need it someday to understand how to counter its effects or another spell of its ilk. I am working on the mechanics of a spell of my own.  I thought a little survivability might be wise, so I am attempting to figure out how displacment is cast.  I am on its verge as well.  I remember seeing master Gryphonwing cast it and I think I remember enough to work out the rest.

I will keep you posted if I succeed!  Today I am to meet with a few sword masters and see if I can find a style I can learn.  The coin should not be a problem, so I just need to find a style I like, that does not use that stupid shield, or rely on bulky armor.  I hope I can find one that lets me use my dashing rapier, it has become a very close friend.  Even if it is done no justice in my hand.

~R

I need to name this journal as it appears I am keeping it.  I hope noone finds out, they might think me a priss?

[Aerimor]

//All mentions of the father being a fool or idiot have now been crossed out entirely or changed to be non-condemning.  I will leave the entries as written though.  I like em better that way.  =)//

[Aerimor]

Not a bad day.

Spent the day with Jaelle and we talked about everything and nothing.  She took me through the Silkwood forest.  Was nice...for a forest.

There is hope for her yet, she let down most of her walls today.  I didn't sense and pretences or charades.  We talked about her past and mine.  Alternate uses for massage oil.  Our future and current arrangement.  We dabbled into magic and adventuring.  We spoke on love and dreams.  It was refreshing.  I guess she is completely serious about having me in our child's life.  And thus, I will be around in her's as well.  And I guess she wants to know what to expect and to see if there is any depth to me.  I have not spoke as myself to anyone in a long time.  It felt good to drop the fa?ade I present to people for a while.  I mean why not? I am not trying to win her affections.  It is obvious she is completely infatuated with me.  And who could blame her?  But she is still too broken to know what she wants or how to let herself experience it.  It is not a new story, but it still pains my heart.  To know that she is as she is because men saw just her pretty face and decided to use just her body.  Guys are so compassionless and cruel if they can get away with it.  Telling themselves they are happy if they can take something and call it theirs.  I swear, I need to learn to cast one of those spells wizard's use to protect their tomes.  If this got into the wrong hands, I'd be undone by my own hand.

Thank the gods I am not so shallow! Well I am not a fool, to try to have a relationship of that sort with all the baggage and damage goods she is toting would be disaster for all three of us.  If she is good to our child, that will be enough.  Besides that means no limits on my life style.  Ladies rejoice.  And as I said, it's nice to have someone to talk to that I am not only trying to seduce.

I informed her that there was a play coming through town in a few weeks I had my eye on and asked her along.  If I did not know better, I'd say she's never been to a play or any other socialite functions before.  How odd.  But that will be rectified shortly. I hope she approves of my choice; it's rather bawdy as far as plays go.  But it has a strong following with the upper echelon as most of the crude humor is high brow.  Besides what else would she expect from me, I am certainly not going to go to one of those plays where the players cry over loves lost the whole time!

The day ended on a sour note however.  We finally made Hempstead and Jaelle introduced me to the legendary Ellohanna, Alatriel's friend.  And then Brian showed up and he and Jaelle started talking.  So Elly and I went for a walk to see the school she is helping to open.  A school for mages, well she said a school for all.  She said it was to be called the Tower Academy.  I asked her if that meant the students would be known as the Ta-Ta's.  everyone likes Ta-Ta's.  While she didn't laugh she also did not grow offended.  She's alright in my book.  I mentioned that I was interested in learning to fence and she gave me the name of a female teacher.  This I have got to look into.  Maybe this instructor and I can exchange some thrusting techniques.  I think her name is Amerianna.  I am sure it is spelled wrong, but if it works out I'll get it right when it counts.

*in large print* NOTE TO SELF: FIND AMERIANNA *back to normal size*

She also showed me this pair of bracers, I am in love.  They were light but well built.  The angles on them were ideal for parrying attacks.  She says that they are going to be auctioned as a fund raiser for the school.  I have no idea what something like those cost, BUT I intend to find out.  

Anyway we headed back to town central and Jaelle and Brian were gone.  But I bumped into Alatriel shortly there after.  What a wench she has become.  I told her she was right all along that Jaelle's child was mine.  And instead of showing an ounce of happiness she responded with bitter spite.  Told me congrats your child's mother is one screwed up piece of work.  I do not lay my hands on women, you know what I mean! , but I swear I almost slapped the spite out of her.  Instead I just walked away after telling her that she needs to get over herself before she has no friends left.

And before I forget, two thugs in hoods forced words with Jaelle when we were in the hall of weave.  She tried to tell me they were just business men.  I told her I know the look of bad men when I see them and they were.  I let them talk with me out of ear shot.  But there is no way I'd trust men like those around my child unsupervised so I kept both eyes on them.  Jaelle is into so bad stuff, but she wouldn't tell me what.  And I don't think this something as simple as a jealous lover.  But I don't know what to do.  I asked her what was going on and while she didn't really tell me anything.  She also didn't not answer; she didn't lash out at me.  She didn't try to play me a fool and she promised that out child was safer letting her handle the mess she was in than by me acting the fool.  I so wish there was something to do to assure my child's safety or for that matter, Jaelle's.  But for now, I think as much as I don't like it, I'd just put them both in more risk.  I hope she can finish what she has got herself into quickly and safely.

[Aerimor]

Luck is a Lady and she smiles.

So I went to the Vehl arena to try to find a fencing instructor.  I ran into Brian and two female friends of his. Ami and Yvale.  Brian got around to asking me what I was up to and I told him.  He said he could help me learn to fight.  I told him his style was a little brutal for my tastes and he took mild offense.  Anyway he said he'd see what I could do if I didn't mind stepping into the ring with the three of them.  

They wanted me to fight Ami.  I'll get more into Ami in a while.  Well I'd like to but that is a different story.  They conned me into pairing up with her, but I know better than to strike a female.   So I just turtled behind that ugly shield of mine and she of course picked me apart.  Brian then had to have his ego massaged.  Had me buff up and attack him.  Just as I went to strike he did Alatriel's trick and called shadows.  I began to protest but before I could he drove both of his blades home and only the rings magics protected me from death.  Lastly Yvale decided it was her turn for a go.  Well I had enough getting beaten bloody, so I bull rushed her with me shield and knocked her down,  then swept her feet and lastly just plain out tripped her.  Of course she got some stinging blow in when she wasn't on the ground.  In any case I had enough and just ran around the ring for a while.  I think Brian did something to me then.  I was just standing flat footed wondering why I was not moving and Yvale finished the bout.  Speaking of Yvale she oddly is covered from head to toe. I wonder if she was burned by acid or fire or something?

After that Brian was actually useful, he had me attack him and tried to pick off my attack and tell me what I was doing wrong.  Mainly he thought I needed to be angry and fight with fury in my strikes.  I got some good blows in on him though without using anger.  I often find people fall into patterns and you can anticipate their attacks if you keep an open and focuses mind.  I was able to see the start of a routine a few times with Brian and this is where I snuck my blade in through his defenses.  After that Brian tried to enrage me eventually even saying he'd go after my daughter if I did not really try to hurt him.  I told him I refuse to believe that, that even as brutal as he may be, and as checkered of a past as he may have, he was not an evil man.  He tried a little longer and then just left it as telling me if I wanted to fulfill my potential then I'd have to give away my foolish notions of not attacking females, and fighting without anger.  I told him then and I stand by it, if that is what it takes to fight monsters....to become one.  Then I'd concentrate of my magic's.  The price was higher than I am willing to pay.  I do not believe you have to give away rational thought, cool demeanor and your value to protect yourself with a blade.

We parted and Ami told me to meet her and I did.  She said that she thought I was right, that I could learn to at least protect myself without giving myself over to anger when I picked up a blade.  She said if I was interested in learning from a female, she could teach me a little of what she knows.  Apparently she is a duelist, someone who focuses on fleet feet, cunning strokes, and intelligence in battle.  I do not know if it works, but it sounds beautiful to me.  We spoke for a long while after that.  She removed her hood and I was nearly struck dumb.  Wow!  Easily the most beautiful human I have laid eyes on.  Then again it might be her confident by shyly sweet personality that has stolen my affections.  I also wonder about that human part.  I think she may have been plane touched.  The purple eyes...I have never seen their like on a human before.  She is sweet though, and I know she was at least partially taken with me.   Her coy flirting was unmistakable.  

Also for now she has a significant other.  A Calvin.  But truth is I think he may have blown his chance.  Apparently he forgets her too often and she craves the affection and love he fails to provide her.  I swear if he blows his chance, I will pull out all of the stops.  Ami is a beauty inside and out.   Doesn't hurt she is almost as dashing as I with her rapier.  I think she has a bit of a self esteem issue though, maybe something I could help correct if things fail with Calvin.  She does not deserve to carry whatever baggage it is that weighs her down.

Alatriel stumbled on us and asked for my ear.  Ami dismissed herself and told me I could find her at the arena if I did not take too long.  Alatriel came to apologize for our fight a few days earlier when she insulted Jaelle and spoke harsh words to me about my unborn child.  I assured her it was okay.  That we were okay.  I know it was just her heart's agony speaking.

A strange lady then came upon us and started carrying on with an invisible person, or so I figured out latter.  I think it was Laura and Jaelle was the shrouded person.  Apparently she was spying on me.  I know because of the way she acted.  She was cold and played scorned.  It is possible she thought something was going on between Alatriel and I, I wish!  But I think she is smarter than that.  I think she must have been spying for a while, since I was talking to Ami and flirting with her.  Although I must say for me I was on good behavior.  After all, unless and until Ami comes to resolution with her relationship, there is no reason for me to pursue it too much.  As attractive as she is, I still make it policy to not pursue involved women.  Too many complication!  But that doesn't mean you can't flirt and make sure they know your there.  

As for Jaelle, I don't know what's in that pretty head of hers.  She decided she could never commit to a monogamous relationship.  Heck three days back she all but helped me flirt with Amanda.  I think it must mostly be the hormones.  I want to believe it's the hormones so that is what it will be for now.

So I met with Ami back at the arena and she convinced me to spar with her.  But even after seeing the arena's magic work first hand.  I couldn't really strike to impale.  So I tried to land what I could with the flat of the blade.  The first round I faired well.  I got in a few slaps while hiding behind my ugly wall. And she returned a few piercing thrusts.  She was telling me to concentrate and stop flapping my tongue.  I decided I'd show her a thing about concentration!  I managed to sneak in an attack that was purposely aimed for her top.  I then claimed that I pierced her defense, cut her bindings on her top and that her defenses where now laid bare.  Of course shy as she is in regards of her looks, she had to glance down to see if I spoke true.  That is when I shield rushed her and deposited her on the ground.  I was starting to make some quip when she swept my feet out and ended the match with her blade to my throat and her triumphant smile beautifully leveled my way.  I guess you could say I fell for her a little more that moment.  She restated her admonishment of concentrate.  But we both know I got one point in myself.

We went another round and I tried to forgo the use of the ugly beast.  And without that metal wall to hide behind, to completely picked me apart.  Wow, she is good. All pretty eyes and fancy foot work aside.  She is no stranger to combat and using her rapier.  Yes, yes I think she can teach me enough to at least defend myself.  Hopefully Calvin will drop out of the picture and I'll teach her a little myself.  As beautiful as she is now, if she conquers her self-esteem issue, she'd be glorious.  I can see it in her wanting to get out.  But she holds onto it desperately.

Well she dismissed me and told me to meet her back there again and we'd discuss if I was indeed teachable.  As well as the rules and fees.  I will be back; I do think the lady of luck was smiling when she set us on course to meet.  I may even be able to return Ami's time and skill with a suitable fee, if she figures out what to do with Calvin.  Sorry Calvy ole pal, but if you blow your chance, I'll see to it you don't get another.

[Aerimor]

I made a whole batch of gem polishing oil.  And I was not very good at it.  But I did meet Jaelle's challenge.  She seems to think if I can make an honest living, I'd feel better about myself.  So far, if that is honest work, I have no desire to make a living from it.  I did try my hand with infusing, but I only had two Amethysts.  BUT I successfully enchanted one with an acid splash spell!  I know it's a worthless trinket.  But I did find it very satisfying.  Too bad someone can't make an honest living form that.  I think if one could, I'd be tempted.  But a box of amethysts cost 50,000 true.  How could a regular guy ever afford to learn this craft?  I do not envy the honest living route.  No wonder they can not afford real clothes, or products for their hair.  They must spend every copper they have trying to buy the next gem.  Let me thank my fortunes again that I am as dashing as I am.  I would never make it as a commoner.


I ran into Alatriel on the way to finish the last batch of oils.  She must have been very hurt and confused!  She actually tried to use me!  She agreed to go back to my room with me, I thought nothing of it.  But she didn't stop there; she actually made a pass at me.  She tried to get me to take advantage of her.  As much as I'd like to, it's not what I am.  I'd rather keep the friendship.  Heck even if she wasn't a friend, I would not take advantage of someone so obviously distraught.  Heck to my experience it's never worth the effort anyway, often ending in tears.  Luckily she figured it out for herself before it went too far.  I figured I owed it to her to give her a chance to figure it out on her own.  And she lived up to my expectation.  Gathering her things and attempting to dash out.  I stopped her and told her it was alright, I knew it was her heart's grief acting no her.  WE spent the night together then, talking about nothing.  Neither of us had the heart to talk much about the real issues.  I just hope that jerk figures out what is going on with him before Alatriel leaves him.  Heck, maybe it is better if she gets her heart broken now and gets away from him.  I can't say he deserves a second chance.

I made a supply run and gave us both a facial mask.  I don't think she approved of putting the paste on her face, but I saw how much it diminished the puffiness from her eyes.  I am good.  I was saw, I got a hug and kiss out of the deal.  Innocent enough, but I think it gave her ammunition to use on Aerimor if the need arose.  She can always tell him that she kissed me and then spent the night in my room.  I am sure that will be enough to elicit a response.  I will have to keep my eyes open for a rampaging bear now of course!  But if it helps a friend I'll take my chances with yogi.

[Aerimor]

Too much.

So much has happened, and so quickly that I did not and do not have the desire to write it all.  I fear it would just sap my mood if I ever read it in detail again.  But as it seems I am keeping a journal now I will at least document the events.

Aparently I got to close to Jaelle and set off her panic alarms.  She went out of her way to be cruel to me and tell herself I was a con artist.  I have now told myself I am over her for now.  We will see after the child is born and then again every decade or two.  The thing that really set me off was that she said she was very likely giving our child away to a sorceress that did not like me.  This broke my heart and caused my shift in view of Jaelle.  I fully planned to take the child before it could be delivered into the sorceress' hands.  If Jaelle will not raise out child, then I will.  But I got a letter form her a couple days latter, claiming she over reacted and that she would do whatever was best for the child and until something says otherwise, that included her father.  She swore she'd make sure I had a prominent place in our child's life even if that meant a differant gaurdian, that could work with me, or I myself being the primary guardian.  This is all I can hope for for now.  So unless she shows a sign to me that its an empty promise.  I qill let things continue status quo.  I have less than no intrests in Jaelle foe the time being.  Let her remain in godo healtha nd delvier out child.  After that if she pushes that miracle away form her.  Then I go forever with it.  If the magic of her own child can't convince her to take a chance, then she is and will always be doomed to unhappiness.  And that I will not force upon our child.


I continue my fencing lessons with Ami.  She is so attractive and compelling, that I find myself really trying to succeed.  For her as well as myself.  I went on a quest with her and a few others.  On the quest her estranged significant other joined us and ...to make it a short story. They patched things up and she appears happy.  Now when I see her my heart glows for her happiness at first.  But latter after training is over, a few tears fall for my own loss.  I really like her, I'd of been willing to suffer the heart ache of being with a short lived human for the 30 or 40 years that would of been.

Everyone thinks its easy and envious to be a swashbuckler. It is the only life I can ever envision and more of the time it is a grat life.  But when you have to keep moving on when one steals a part of your heart.  When some of the shine comes off.

I also have anther duelign instructor, Pyyran.  Someone sent him to assist me.  At current his skill is just too far beyond my own to learn much in the ring.  So he gave me a dwarven book, the five steel rings.  It is interesting reading.  The philosophy is fighting is on many levels and you have to perfect them all to be a true warrior or in this case swordsman.  He is a likable old man, not sure he'll still be alive when I can claim any proficiency with the rapier.  I think he is on his last leg already.  But he invited me to check in with him again after Ami helps me with the basics.

He did throw me for a loop at first though.  He started following me, and wouldn't relaly tell me what he was after.  Just said a friend of ours said we shoudl speak.  Then I found out he was a Misty.  I immediatly paused and informed him that he was too old for me.  And I guess he missed my meaning, telling me he had plenty he could teach me.  So I made it blunt.  I told him that no matter what Mist told him, he was not my type, I'd keep to the preistesses thank you very much.  After he had a round of laughter, that is when I found out his intents were to offer to teach me to fence.  

How was I suppose to know? Everytime a Misty comes within 10 feet we end up together.  I am most definatly not interested in priests thank you!

~R

[Aerimor]

Things are looking up.

Looks like the terms that Jaelle and I came to will work.  And I am happy enough with that for now.  As long as my child wants for nothing, that will be good enough.  If there is a chance later to help Jaelle we will try it then, but for now I can only have one priority and without doubt it is my little one.  I am just glad that Jaelle has made herself my ally and not an obsticle.

I continue my rapier lessons with Ami.  She is a _very_ passionate young lady, but then I find a lot of humans are.  After a few more classroom classes she decided to see how I apply my lessons in real situations.  Well we made some short work of kobolds and had a minor scirmish with gnolls.  And then Ami decided to take me up to Gnolls watch tower, the one overlooking Lover's Lake.  I of course went willingly and applied plenty of charm.  Afterall, spoken for or not, she rouses my heart.  

I have been thinking about it since then.  I think of the how of why she is so special to me.  I think it is that while shy, she is confident.  And while reserved she flirts back.  And while disciplined she losses herself to her passions.  I honestly can not rememeber the last time a young lady really flirted back.  Mostly they just suck up the flirting and toss the accustomed smiles and laughs to tell me to contiue.  In short I do all the work, and all risk taking.  Or they are take charge girls and respond to my flirting with action.  But I can not think of anyone since coming to Mistone that actually, honestly returned my flirting.  I think that is part of why my feelings go out to her.  

Of course the fact she is so passionate and physcially attractive does not hurt anything!  Anyway apparently half a dose of Raz can be too much.  I will have to remember that if the same situation ever arrises again.  On the way to the Tower, near the Lake she pulled me very close, held me and told me not to move.  She was afraid of agrivating the chickens?! I have heard some lines in my day but, come on, upset chickens? If she wanted to be held, she could of just asked.

When we finally made it up top and enjoyed the view and each others conversation, she started opening up about her past and her fears.  Always one to speak the truth, I told her that any that shuned her for her looks or actions were fools and that that is no longer the way things are.  That she'd have to beat the guys off with a stick now, starting with me.  She told be that she was happy with Calvin.  A few minutes later she made some comment about her not being strong enough to be touched.  And I touched her cheek sweetly and pointed out she was indeed strong enough to survive a touch.  In hindsight maybe that was too much Raz for one day, afterall she is only human.  I could see when she opened those perfect purple eyes of hers the sparks of lust begining to flame in them.  Yes, I have stoked those sparks too many times to miss them now.  She placed a hand on me and then leaned in to remove most of the distance between us.  I knew beyond doubt that I could inflame those sparks with a kiss and truely touch her.  Or I could douse my physical desires and be the friend she obviously needed.  

Alas I pulled her into my chest and I spoke words to tell her how close I came to using my charms to wyle away her kisses.  I do not remember what I said exactly only that I changed the focus from her to me so fast I doubt she even realised those feeling started within her and what actions she almost gave way to.  There better be some karma in this world.  That is twice in a month I have turned out a women I have great interests in to save her heart in the long run.  I think it's Mist somehow finding a new way to twist pokers in me!  Anyway, I think no damage was done between Ami and myself.  Well no lasting damage, I had to take a three hour cold shower afterwards!!!  It just aint right I tell you.

I can't stop flirting so as long as I am taking lessons from her. So I think I will have to keep them in public areas until she figures out that her feelings for me are lustful only.  And then if she comes to me knowing that, then my obligations will be null and void.  And I will gladly oblige her, a few times.  And I wont have to worry about getting her pregnant!  Sorry, Calvy ole boy, but you better handle business, because noble or not.  I doubt I could turn her out again.

~R

[Aerimor]

I have a date with Elgon's sister.

Things continue to be up and down with Jaelle, we spent a exceptional night together where the worries of the world did not exsist.  And then the next tiem I saw her she was ready to set me on fire again.  And I am not sure why.  I think she was upset that someone I don't knwo treated her like a peice of meat.  I am not sure how that reflects on me, but it is Jaelle....
She also informed me that she will be leaving for a few weeks to go on a dangerous mission adn that I can not help her.  She only assured me that if she did not go, then the trouble would double and come to find her.  She certainly makes things difficult.

I continue my lessons with Ami, and we took more field exercises.  Her love, her, and halfling lass and myself took to Dragon Island.  Can't say we faired well, its hard to parry a fist thats bigger than you are.  But despite that, I find I am becoming much more adapt at staying alive in a fight.  I went ina party into red lights and was actually a critical member of the party...if not the critical member.  There might be hope for me yet.  Now if I can just learn to loose this ghastly shield.

I have been spending more time with Ayana.  She is very sweet.  I can not say I see a future with her or anything at current.  But she truely needs a friend outside her family, someone she can have to herself, someone to tell her worries to and be there just for her.  I gladly take this mantle.  She is quite inexperienced to be cavorting about with me I found out though.  But when I suggested she might find another she was adamant she could take care fo herself.  I told her I would be that friend then but I did not trust her to guard herself against me unless she coudl answer oen question for me.  She agreed and I kissed her.  Naturally she responded, and with more ferver than I expected.  So I told her, I'd be her friend but she was obviously ill suited to look out for herself in reguards to my obviously overwhelming charms.

We have spent a few weeks talking since then.  I do find her very comforting and idealistic.  She a breath of fresh air to my normal.  But I am afriad we can not be much more unalike in most areas.  She is pure, woodsy, animal loving,adn shirks from attention.  But with that said we speak easily enough and enjoy many laughs.  She got me to try to befriend her Falcon friend Elise.  But I swear that bird hates me,  tried to eat my hand!  But I suffered through it.  And in exchange I asked her on a date in a city with myself, dress and high heels.  She agreed, but only if I let her forgo the heels.  I am not sure she has ever been on a real date.

And now that I have fully realised just how naive she is, I am actually a little afraid to go on this date.  Obviously I will make it as great of a night as I can for her, so she knows what she should expect from others.  But I have to be careful not to let her think she is in love with me.  I am worried this time, I may not leave a young lady better off than when I met her.  Maybe Elgon will convince her I am nothing but a womanizer and she cna leave with the memory of the date and her heart intact.  When did things start going south on me?  I remember when I had no worries and life was easy.

Oh as a last note, I tried to warm up Anne Ravenwind, if a beautiful lady ever needed a friend or to indulge in physical release it may be her.  Unsurprisingly she rebuffed me and did more than hint if I crossed her I'd end up decapitated.  Liek I haven't suffered worse for no real reason.  I believed her then, that she wanted to be a miserable lonely matyr but now that her sword isn't waving about, I think I will continue to shower her with kindness.  As i said if she kills be at least it will be for purpose.  But the thing that really made my blood boil at the time was she told me to leave Daniella alone, like she was not capable of indepenant thought.  Ya Anne I can see you care about your protege.  Dare not let her have a chance at having friends, or else she may replace you at whatever it is you do beside waving swords and threatening people.  Well sword or not I stood up to her on that point and told her I'd not turn my back on any noble soul that needed a friend.  Guess I was more pursuasive than I thought.   Anne actually backed off her command and instead insisted that the relationship better remain as friends only.

No offense Anne, but I think I'd need another handful of years to open that ones heart enough that she realized there were other avenues of love other than to simply serve the all watching.

So, since she wants Daniella to recieve my friendship only I think that it is only fair that she recieves what flirting I would of directed at Daniella.  Yes I like this idea, I will just have to make sure to have witnesses on hand so she doesn't simply cleave me in half.

~R

[Aerimor]

Ayana

I am confused with Ayana. We had a date a week ago and it went well.  From what I can gather she only wanted to go through with it becuase she made a commitment to me.  Not exactly the type of dates that make one feel good about themselves.  But by the end of it she was laughing and enjoying herself.  Said she was glad she went out with me and that 'everyone' was wrong about me.  I assume by everyone, she means Elgon.  Darn druids! She was a sight in her red dress and the evening was relaxed and not forced.  If nothing else she should know what to expect on a date in the future.

When the date came to an end, she seemed confused again.  I gave her a blue rose to symbolize her and us.  Among other things a blue stands for two things in this instance. The flush of first love, which symbolises her.  And the second symbol is the unobtainable, such as a real relationship between us.  She is too naive for me to risk hurting her.  I'll let that job fall to someone else.  Let us be friends if that will work.  I am not sure we are meant to be much long term anyway.  Our worlds are very differant.  She is a naive, nature loving, big family, Elgon liking, judgmental very sweet young lady.  I am an ill reputed, city loving, only child, Elgon disliking, pretty easy going Elf.  Well we will see how things play out, for the moment she needs a friend and I am more than willing to be that.  If she decides she wants more, we can cross that bridge at that time.  For the moment I am still heavy hearted over Jaelle and Ami.

Speaking of Jaelle.  She finally returned form her 'dangerous' mission in he east. Whatever that means.  I was thrilled to see her and the child well.
Right up to when she told me again my opinion in the wellfare of our child is really not that important.  Guess I am surprised it took her months
to pull that card back out on me again.  I think I am going to duck her and let her either come to terms with valuing my rights and help or making it
black and white she wants me uninvolved or only as a figure symbol.  So what ticked her off this time?  

She said she wanted Elgon as our child's god-father, a role which she told the public I was fullfilling until a couple months ago, when she decided to allow me to claim the title as father.  Anyway, I told her she can name who ever she desired as the god-father of her child, but I would not consent to Elgon being the god-father of my child.  I told her, I could not consent to having someone that despises me put in the role of raising my child.  Oh and she said if it was a female, she wanted to name is Laa'ra after her Vampire friend who thinks I should be neutared or worse.  Unless a further change of heart comes forth, it is all too obvious that whatever or whoever happened to her on her trip, decided I should be pushed out or marginalized.  

My reveries are  now, when I can rest, instead of seeing images of moments fo my life, my mind puts old images together in a new way.  Showing me all too clearly of a happy family of three: Jaelle, our child and Elgon.  Well the hell if I'll stand by when it happens.  I made a promise to that child, to myself and to Jaelle.  I will take care of my child or die trying.  And if Jaelle sends our child off against her word to be raised by another without me.....

[Aerimor]

My moods continue to be depressed and sullen, it tough when your every waking moment you fear for your child and can do nothing to help.  It is worse
yet when I can not find solace in reverie.  

I refuse to let this part of my life go by empty or bitter though, so I have increased my training with the blade.  Ami remains busy, but still finds time to meet with me for a few lessons here and there.  It is rougher to be around her than I thought. I think we both agree my hand eye cordination is up to task, and that my pattern recognition and use of angles it above the normal.  But as she pointed out its my footwork that is lacking.  I spend too much time standing like a flat-footed human instead of being on the balls of my feet.  Never thought about it before she brought it up.  Guess its easier to look dashing when you pose.  However, its also a lot easier to be hit and much hard to have the reactions that the rapier demands.  I think I can thrust, parry 3, riposte blindfolded now.  I am just working to get my footwork of to the point that my body will be in position to make my parry and riposte.  I also found out through hard knocks its easier to move out of the way of some things than to hide behind a shield or parry them.  Every try to parry a Forest Render? Good luck!

Speaking of shield,  I think I am finally ready to give up that crutch.  It is so easy to hide behing and turtle.  But it blocks my vision, weighs me
down, makes me slower and throws my balance horribly off. Its not like I use a buckler even, but a full tower shield.  I think I'll start off easy with
koblds and bugbears and see if my improving parry and footwork can keep me out of most of harms way.  I am going to go buy some soft lighter boots,
instead of these splendid heavy ones.  I am sure I can find something that is almost as handsome on me while being more practical.  

I think it could work for the record, the bouncing around on the balls of my feet.  Shifting, zipping, dodging and maybe someday rolling. I am sure
there will be times when I miss my shield, archers for instance.  But I also think there will be far more time when it saves me from a stinging
hit I didn't need to take if I'd just of moved instead.  Giants for instance, no matter how big my shield, when a giants clips it, my teeth rattle
and my arm goes numb.  And as slow as they are, I am sure I can keep ahead of them.

Yes this will work, I will make it work.  Ami believes I can do it,  Pyyran is proof that the style is sound and deadly.  I am fabulously gifted, there is no reason I can not at least hold my own with gobblins.  I will set that as my bar for now.  

I do this for myself and for you little one, if your mother does not see fit too kill me straight off.  I will see to prolonging my lifespan.  I will limit my visits with the soul mother and be your farther for as long as I can.  I love you and your sister with all of my heart.  

She at least has a mother and father that love her if something happens to me.  What do you have?  A reformed vampire, angry druid and a mother who struggles with the very concept of love?

No, you deserve more and I will see you get it.  I will stop being a fool and hoping you can teach your mother to love.  I still believe you can, but I am not willing to risk your happiness on it. I will find out if there is anything I can do to put stop gaps into place for you.  Maybe I can negotiate an agreeable god parent.  Or find a church or power that would help me see to your safety. I will still hope for the best, but now I am truely a fool is I will not plan for the worst.

Whatever may of happened Jaelle, know that I kept my word.  I will look out for our child as you had me promise. 4 more months, how short a time
and how unbearably long.  I pray your heart finds you.  You promised me a place in our child's life.  And we both know you didn't mean as a person whose opinions matter not at all.  Please come to this realization on your own.


With all of my heart to you three,
Razeriem Greytree.

P.S.: Lealue, I can not tell you how happy you have made me.  I look forward to my every visit with you.  But I do know that you are well taken care of, better than I could ever do alone.  I love you my little flower.

[Aerimor]

Well I took my trip over to the kobolds and I must say, they were not a good challenge.  One or two at a time was not a challenge.  It didn't force me to do much more than a standard attack routine or two.  And 5 on one, was too hectic to get any real comfort with the techniques I am trying to work on.  So I went back to Red Lights The challenge was on par, I am able to do more than hold my own with a goblin or two at a time.  Well with my magics up anyway. I see no problem in using my magics.  They are all enchancing magics anyway, just help me do what I am trying to do better.  I got into a tight spot when they fell in one fight.  But by that time it was one on one with a duel weilding goblin.  And I was badly wounded by that point so I focused on keeping moving and parrying his attacks and returning ripostes when I could.  Wish I could say he didn't penetrate my defenses but I can say he didn't get too many atacks through.  And I did get off quite a few riposte strikes.  I would of ended the contest fairly quickly but the darn thing healed itself like 4 times.  And being in such a defensive mindset I was unable to interupt his spells.  Oh well I will have to work on comming up with an answer down the road.  For now I am happy with my performance.  I have a lot of work left to do.  Decades easily, but I do feel better about the whole thing.

Only other thing of note is that Dark Elf attacked Daniella and Anne.  From what Daniella says and her word is golden to me the dark elf would of been able to remove himself from Anne's verbal requests.  But instead he decided to charge and atack Anne.  What a bloody fool.  Just goes to show that the Dark Elves should be killed on sight.  I heard that when the dark elf got apprehended and thrown into a holding cage he attacked and killed the other occupant, another dark elf.  Guess even dark elves don't like dark elves.  I happened by at the point and the short of it is Anne drug the drk elf outside of town shackled and told Daniella to execute him for his crimes.  Daniella was obviously not comfortable doing such without a trial.  I tried to tell her, if she'd of killed him in self defense it would of been acceptable.  If she would of killed him for attacking Anne it would of been acceptable.  If she would of killed him for being for being a dark elf it would of been acceptable, but
she was obviously not pleased with killing him when he ws shackled and 'helpless'.  I can't fault her for that, but its such a waste to rely on trials and public executions in such simple matters.  He is an evil spiteful creature that was apprehended while attempting to murder.  he then committed murder while waiting sentencing. What more do you need?  now I will say I was not pleased to see Anne rough him up while he was shackled and caged, either making herself feel better or just causing it pain to see it squirm...well either leave a bad taste with me. Give it a clean death and be done, after all that is one of the things that make us better than it.  Oh and while Daniella and Anne were trying to decide if Daniella was going to execute it on Anne's command without trial, the thing up and bolt.  I tripped it but it managed to find its feet and keep going.

I will say good for Daniella for not going against her morals even for Anne.  But now she better find that dark elf and bring him in.  If that dark elf kills anyone or steals someone's child.  In my book she and Anne will both share the guilt.  The only reason that dark elf is running around now is because those two botched an execution or failed to hold him for trial.

As they say good intention and all.  I just hope the things departs the surface or Anne find's him soon.

~R

[Aerimor]

Same ole

Life continues to go on in the same manners.  I have been adventuring a lot more.  Something to occupy my time and mind i figure.  The fighting style really is comming along.  I am getting in the hang of always trying to be on the move.  With that said however, I fell to two lousey goblins the other day.  Guess they had iron weapons because my magics did not soften their blows.  And it was just a bad encounter, seems each time I picked a direction to move to, one of the bloody creatures had a blade out adn waiting for me.  By the end I got desperate and went on the complete offense.  I took one of them in the throat but it cost me.  The other one got in a nasty cut to the bone in my sword arm.  Was an ugly thing to watch after that,  I could never manage to get another hit in.  But I did manage to stay alive for a while, with only one to evade, at least that went smoother.  Ended up at the bindstone in anycase.  Guess I have a long way yet to go in becoming a note worthy fencer.

Nothing else really to mention here.  Just been adventuring with a semi regular group.  We do well usually, but every once in a while... well the group isn't much more talented then I am, I am sorry to say.  

Gala does owe me now though.  

~R