Thoughts of a Nameless Druid

[Ioskeha]

Since my character has no need to keep a journal I thought I'd write her thoughts here.  

*While in Hlint she sits down under a tree and closes her eyes.  While in a meditated state she sees past events of her life after she came to this land called Mistone*

So much has happened since I've come to this town. I don't even feel like I'm the same person I was before I left my forest.  Sometimes I long for that life I left behind.  It seems so simple compared to the new life I have here.  Though I don't have any regrets in coming here, I can't help but wonder if it was the right decision; no I know it was the right one.  Something threatens to enslave this very world and I need to make sure that this doesn't happen.  I wish I could find Ly'Sylria.  I miss talking with her.  It's funny, I came here with the intent to do what I needed to do and not form any bonds with anyone, but she's different.  From the moment I saw her standing before me her brow bleeding I knew that we were meant to be friends.  She's so much like me, and to be honest it scared me at first.  I never once thought I'd form a bond with someone as fast as I did with her.  So quickly it happened that to this day I still feel a bit confused about it.  It's been so long though since I last saw her.  If I didn't receive that vision of her a few nights back I would be really worried for her.  I know our paths will cross again, so that brings me comfort.  Now that I think about it, it's been awhile since I've last seen Nith'wiel also.  I hope he's safe.

I can't believe what just happned.  Here I was walking through the forest these Humans have named The Highforest when I saw a band of Goblins!  Before I could ask them why they've come here one of them shot some wood at me!  I couldn't beleive this.  Here I am unarmed like my, doctrine dictates, and one of them still saw me as a threat.  I helped a Boar that was fighting them when I saw a band of people gathered in hiding.  So I do what any good protector of a forest would do and go up and ask them why they've brought Goblins to the forest.  I feel so foolish for not seeing a hole in the ground that was in my path...I fell into this hole before I even got the chance to ask them.  I literary fell on top of a group of adventures.  Confused I asked them why they were there, but in my confusion I didn't hear their replies.  All I know is they were seeking something.  All I knew is I had to get out of this cave.  So not having much of a choice I went along with them.  I think those Goblins I saw came up into the forest from the hole that was in the ground, because these caves were filled with them.  We had to fight our way past at least forty before we found a good place to rest.  In our fight a Human that was helping me get out fell.  I felt so sorry for him.  He had given his life to help protect me and his friends.  I did something that goes against my doctrine and asked mother to bring him back.  She must have felt the same way because not one second after my prayer left my lips his eyes opened ((DM rolling a 98/100 to see if her prayer was answered)).  All I could do was smile.  I felt happy that I was able to help this Human that gave his life for us, but I also felt shame.  For a third time I've broke a vow...


*she snaps awake and sees a guard standing over her.  He says to her, "Miss we can't have people sleeping in town.  If you need a room you'll find one in the Inn for a descent price."  She stands up and tells him that she's sorry.  Then she turns around and walks away*[/b]

[Ioskeha]

*While walking into the High Forest her heart relaxes and a smiles comes back to her face, she begins to think about what just happened in Hlint a few days before while she makes her way to Harmony Grove.*

Was that me?  I didn't feel like me.  I've never wished anything dead before, but this man is differnt.  This man that finds joy in killing childern, childern that are still innocent to this world, and I wanted nothing more then to see him bleed watch the spark of life leave his eyes.  By my own hands I tried to do this.  If he didn't coward away by use of magic I probably would have.  I sensed that I was quicker then this man.  My flint dagger would have found it's mark, slitting his throat in one swift swing.  Spilling his blood all over the ground.  I wanted to roll around in it.  Feel it's warmth cool on my hands.  Use his blood to paint my face.

*She sighs to herself.*

This isn't me.  How could I allow myself to feel this way.  It was like him and myself were the only two people that existed at the time.  I couldn't see the others around, couln't hear their words.  I felt anger for the first time.

*She now finds herself in the Grove.  She looks around and see some Foxglove growing.  She walks over to them and finds a place to sit next to them.  Their fragrance mellow her mood allowing her to think more clearly.*

No that was me.  It was a part of me that I never knew existed.

*She looks over to the Dire Wolf that accompanied on her trip here.  She tells the Wolf that she is safe now and that he can leave if he wants.  The Wolf does.  Then she lays down and closes her eyes.*

[Ioskeha]

*She watches Luna as she rest with a smiles on her face.  She leans over and gives Luna a quick kiss on the forehead then whispers something to her.  She watches Luna sleep for a few more minutes then stands up and decides to go for a walk.  In her walk she thinks about her past life this last month and how much it has changed.

I've changed so much in so little time.  What would my forest mother think?  I know what she would say....though I wish it wouldn't be true.  She'd tell me that I've forsaken mother.  She'd tell me I've been living my life in sin.  She'd tell me that this sin would need to be cleansed for balance to be restored.  She'd try to kill me and the ones I love to restore her twisted sense of balance.

*She stops before a patch of Foxglove and bends down to give them a quick smell.  She smiles as she smells their fragrance the says, "Forgive me Mother", as she uses her flint dagger to cut one from it's stem.  She then places the lone Foxglove in a pouch that she wears around her neck.  She smiles to herself and continues walking.*

Sometimes I don't understand why she told me the things she did.  She had to know in allowing me to come here that I would find out the truth to her lies.  It didn't take long for me to find out the truth either.

*Her thoughts become words and before she even realizes it she's talking out loud*

The way you raised me, mother, is so different the how this world works.  I pity you, mother, I wish you could come to see Mother's creation as I have.  These people you tried to hard to shelter me from is truly one of her more beautiful creations.  I've come to hate you, mother, for the way you tried to control my life.

*She sighs to herself then realizes that she spoke her thoughts out loud.  She begins to worry that her thoughts will somehow reach this woman that raised her.  She smirks to herself and says out loud once again.*

I hope the day comes when we meet again, mother.  So you can see me how Mother meant my life to be.  Not what you wanted my life to be.  Someday we'll meet again, and that day I will tell you that I will no longer live with your shadow over me.

*As she stops walking she takes a look around and realizes that she really didn't walk that far at all.  She can see Luna where she left her, and if Luna was awake she probably heard everything she said.  She doesn't care though.  She doesn't hide anything for her.  So she quietly walks back to where Luna is resting and sees that she is still asleep.  She pulls back the Bear skin blanket and gently lays herself back down next to her love and falls asleep herself.*[/i]

[Ioskeha]

*She sighs as she sits herself down by the camp fire in Harmony Grove.  Her thoughts go back to a conversation that she had with Azaria while in Hlint.*

I wish Azaria would just come out and tell me what she needs from me.  I do not understand this fixation she has on her traditions in reaching woman-hood.  It's going to happen naturally one way or the other, and it's something that she's going to have to go through herself.  She wishs her mother was with her to help her through this point in her life, and I agree.  Though I can't help but think that Azaria thinks that her mother would be able to do more then just talk to her helping her ease her mind.  I don't think Azaria realizes that she has many people around her that can do this also.  If she'd only stop and listen.  I told her to meditate and put her trust in Goran; her god.

*She sighs again.*

I really wish Luna could have been there with me.  I don't think Azaria truly realizes that my common isn't all that great, and that I have a hard time following people that use it.  I did tell Talon my mind in hopes that she could use my wisdom to help Azaria, but Talon herself said that her Elven wasn't too good so maybe she didn't understand me too well.

I really don't know what I can do for Azaria at the moment.  I have my own questions about myself that I need answers to.

*She stands up and puts a log on the fire then sits back down.*

I did meet Azaria's lover today though.  She's a outsider; tiefling Acacea said.  I honestly don't know what to think.  Her very life goes again Mothers will, or so I was told by the woman that raised me (I wonder what she would have done most likely she would have killed Caeli on sight).  Though I can't blame Caeli for it, she is what she is so I accpet her for now.  I'll have to remember to meditate on this and seek the wisdom of others.  At least I didn't lose my control this time when I met her.  Though her aura made me feel sick.[/i]

[Ioskeha]

*Kutya'I finds herself near the camp fire in the Goblin Wastelands.  She looks over and sees that Luna is still resting.  She smiles to herself while looking at Luna then bends down and adjusts the bear skin blanket that they use to keep themselves warm throughout the night so it's fully covering her.  Kutya'I then turns around and walks towards the fire.  She notices that the fire had burned out so she quickly gathers some fallen branches and twigs, then builds the fire again.  Once Kutya'I has the fire going again she sits herself near it and reflects on her life the past few days.*


Ayla's wake had a bigger effect on me then how I first thought.  Seeing so many people there in honor of her memory has made me wish that someday I'll have half as much people care about me as Ayla has.  She must have been so happy to know that she touched so many peoples lives so strongly.  It makes me hope that my life, someday, will be filled with people that care about me just as much as I would care about them.  Though I do see the other side and wouldn't wish to put anyone in any pain when it is my time to return to Nature.  That side just makes me want to put even more distance between myself and everyone else.  Talking with Luna lastnight helped me to see that distancing myself is probably not the best path I could take.  So I've decided to change myself and be more open with people; like I was when I first came to Mistone.

*She sighs lightly to herself*

I feel so guilty for how I've been treating Alantha the last few times we've saw each other.  I've been rude to her for no real reason other then she made a bad first impression on me.  That day the her and myself first met didn't go over that well.  When I walked up to Luna and her in Hlint I didn't know she was an Elf because of the hood she wore.  So I asked Luna in Elven about her addressing Alantha as her.  I guess she took offence to that becasue she started talking about herself in the third person.  Which made me defencive towards her.  Over time I found myself not wanting to be around here.  The last few times we've met I've just ignored her like she doesn't exist.  I've come to realize that it is wrong for me to treat Alantha this way.  Sure first impression are important, but I have come to see that they are no where near as important as I believed them to be.  My entrance test to the Vakhar as helped me realize this.  In my test I met Daren.  He played the role of someone that had no respect for the lives of animals.  I didn't know I was being tested when I met Daren, so naturally I wanted to see him dead for needlessly killing the wolves by feeding them poisoned meat.  Even after the test was over and found out the truth I still didn't like him too much.  Only in travelling with him have I come to look past that first impression and see him for as he really is.  Now I enjoy his company even though I don't understand half of what he says.



Then there's Azaria and, one of her lovers, Caeli.  I never really cared much for Azaria, so it doesn't really bother me all that much knowing that we're not getting along.  She made a snide remark at the Inn a few nights back about how her mother had more Nature in her toes, or something, then all the other followers of Nature here on Mistone.  I had to laugh at that one.  She has no idea what it is like to live the life as a protecter of Nature.  And I doubt she ever will.  She's a follower of Goran which is an enemy of Nature.  She's proven time and again she has this same disrespect for Nature as her god does.

Caeli is a whole different issue.  I get the feeling that she think I hate her for some reason.  The thing is I don't.  I don't know her well enough to like or dislike her.  I just can't ignore that she's an outsider to this world, and her being here goes against the flow of Nature.  Aasimar and Tieflings do not belong here in this world.  It makes me sick to think that Caeli thinks of herself as a protector of Nautre; like she's said.  I don't understand how someone not natural to this world could know what's best for the Nature of this world.  I've met a few people that share my thoughts on this matter, and we've dieced it would be best to watch Caeli, and her race, along with the Aasimars to make sure that they do not upset Nature's balance too much.


*Kutya'I looks over to Luna and sees that she's still asleep.  She then looks up to the sky and think that dawn will approch in just a couple of hours.  Kutya'I has decided that she will wake Luna up just before the sun raises so they can share the start of a new day together.  She turns back to the fire and stares deeply into the flames.*


I really need to decide on what I want to do as soon as this war is over.  That meeting I went to with Luna has made me see that soon this war will be over, for better or worse.  I don't even want to think of what I'll do if we fail this war.  If we win it though I'm still not sure what I'll do.  I could return to my home woods like the woman that raises me wants leaving behind everyone I've come to love...even Luna.  Or I could stay here and start a new life for myself like my goddess Katia wants.  Though Katia has given me the choice of starting a new life here on Mistone or returning home.  I know she will always be with me where ever I go, so that gives me a lot of comfort.  I'm not even going to think about this right now.  I'll find my path as soon as my task here is done.  I've decide to not return home and see if I have one to come back to once the war is over.  My time right now would be best spent doing what I can in fighting this war and becoming more intuned with Nature.


*Kutya'I notices that the sun will raise in just a few minutes, so she stands herself up and walks over to where Luna rests.  She gently wakes Luna up and askes her to share the sun-rise with her.  Luna acgrees and the two of them climb up the tallest tree to watch a new day begin.*[/i]

[Ioskeha]

As she sits down in the Ragner's Vale next to the Leopard she thinks back to the conversation that she just had with Luna.

I wonder if I broke her heart by saying those words.  I've been fighting those thoughts for so long now.. hiding them from her.  I knew that once she really found out my true feelings that it might push her away from me.  She has shown me no sigh that they have, but when I spoke them she was really upset.  I know my love though.  She'll stay with me for awhile more trying to change me back to the person she first met.

She reaches over and pets the Leopard under his chin.  The Leopard purrs at her touch and gently lays down next to her and rests his head in her lap.

She doesn't know though that these dark thoughts have been with me since I was still a child.  In the past I have been able to push them aside.  Now though it's different.  Ever since we talked with the Dark Father I've been questioning if a passive approch in Nature's protection is really working.  People take me and Luna as some type of joke.  They mock us all the time by calling us Tree Huggers, and I've had it.  I think it's time to take a more active stance.  Time to show these people Nature's fury; show them just how cruel and ruthless Nature really is.  Maybe they'll come to respect the life she's given us after a few thousand die.

My love thinks it still best of we educate people.  Help them understand why it's important maintain a balance with Nature.  I finally found the courage to tell her that what she's doing isn't working.  I all but told her that she's a failure.  People don't care.  She can rant all she wants.  In the end these same people will just laugh at her and call her a Tree Hugger while disregarding her wisdom.  I say let them stay stuipd and ignorant.  Let them die because of their stupidity.  Evolution is all about survival of the fittest, and stupid people tend to not survive in Nature.  To me the answer is simple.  Let these stuipd people die.  Maybe even hepl Nature out by removing a few of them.  In the end it will only help Nature evolve.

She feels a cold tingle coming from the pack on her back.  She smiles and gently lifts the Leopards head out of her lap and stands up and walks away.[/i]

[Ioskeha]

*Kutya'I is sitting in her favorite spot in Folian's Forest.  On the stone bridge that crosses the river near the large tree that she calls home.  She's sits with her legs crossed, eyes closed, in deep meditation.  She reflects on what has happened to her life the last sixty years.*

So much of the world has changed since the war.  I almost don't recognize it anymore.  The lands went though a lot of pain because of the war.  So much damage was done do them.  It will take a long time before they fully heal.  Lots of things will die, but that is probably for the best.  Right now Nature just can't support too large of a population.  I hate seeing so many things die.. I can not do a thing about it though.  This is Nature's way.


The world is changing in other ways as well.  Just when I was getting accustomed to using names for places the humans went and changed a lot of them.  Like the lands of Rilara were changed to Alindor, I think, for no reason it seems.  Oh well.  I never had a use for labels before coming here, so it's not really a big deal for me.  People are migrating to the larger towns as well.  Hlint use to be the place adventurers would gather, but not anymore.  They've all moved to the stone cages off of the coast line south of Hlint.  This change as left me with no one to talk with when I feel the need to - I spend most of my time alone once again.  I can not stand being in either of the stone cages for too long of a period of time.  Just entering either of them makes my head hurt.


A lot of people I once knew are gone as well... even including Luna.  Out of every one I once knew, she is the only one I really miss.  I hope that she returns to me soon.  The only person that remembers me, that I've seen, from before I left is Rodlin.  We have spent a some time together with a female named Emie.  I've come to really enjoy both of their companies.  Emie and myself are going though a bit of a problem right now.  And until she can come to terms with her problem I just do not like being around her at all.  All the time she and I had spent together.. and she still treats me like I am some stranger.  It makes me wish that I never helped her with her problems in the past.


*She sighs to herself.*

It makes me not want to help anyone anymore at all.


*Kutay'I sits in meditation for another days before coming out of it.  She reaches for her pack to grab a canteen of water to find out that they are empty.  So she stands up and walks off to fill them all.*