Diary of a Dead Man

[Zhofe]

*A small book, bound in an odd purple leather. On the cover is written the name Cromwell. The handwriting within is neat, and you can tell the owner was trying to treat this book well.*

It seems, I will have a chance to use Naga's gift afterall. I don't know what that woman ever saw in me ... I ruined many things for her, and I am sure that my untimely death ... or dissapearance ... or whatever it was ... did not help her. She is gone now, and I am not sure where. Maybe one day, in this life or the next, we will meet again.

By all accounts, I am dead. I was killed by some demon in the sword rust mountains. I am trying to figure out why then, I am alive now. Souls wrested from their bodies by the soul mother do not easily return. Tath did not know why I was here, but he had some ideas about a failure in the bindstones or the work of gods.

I met with Marainna again ... though I did not immediatly tell her who I was. I think she knew ... I think she knew from the moment I spoke that it was her friend returned. She opened up and spoke to me when we met with each other ... and it felt like she knew who I was already, but couldn't admit it to herself. Even though it seems like only a moment passed between falling and waking ... finally feeling her hug her long lost friend seemed like the first warm touch in ages.

I spoke with Matilda ... she detected me even through my robes. We are much alike. We have both known the light of Toran, and we have both known the feeling of awaking to a world that has gone on without you. When I saw her first, when I was new to Hlint, her faith inspired me to serve Toran more fervently than I had ever considered before. Now, speaking with her after so much ... she has inspired me yet again to be the man I once was. The future ahead of her looks dark ... and I fear that I may not be able to help her through it ... but with her, my thoughts go, no matter where.

I have only three now that I think I should speak with ...... though, two I may hold off on. I will speak to Chanda as soon as I may, and after that, I must seek Plen and Ozy ... I doubt Chanda can tell me anything new, but I think that perhaps Plen or Ozy will be able to atleast point me in the right direction.


I will stay hidden for just a bit longer .....

[Zhofe]

Friend or Foe ... a question I didn't think I would have to think about in the case of a priestess of the Dark Sun. As a servant of Toran, I should not question whether a priestess of Corath is my enemy. It should be as plain as anything in the world that she cannot be trusted, that she has her own agenda, and that she will bring harm to the people if left unchecked.

Why then do I turn to her?

As soon as I had an idea that things were not as they should be, I knew that I should turn to Chanda. It was not the first time either. In the past, in times of need, we have relied on each other despite our faiths. In the open, we swear our rivalry. Even in private, we curse each other's names. Today we met in peace, and I believe we realized that we will have to work together ...

Working together with my enemy ... this is a principle we have come to before. In order to stand a chance against the forces of Blood, we must ally together. We must unite the gods, and we must unite the people. If a warrior of Toran and a priestess of Corath could draw together, it is possible that others could. Chanda will not betray me so long as she knows that there are more dangerous things than me out there ... and I think more than that, she wants to know as much as I do why I am still alive. I do not fully trust her, I don't think that could ever happen ... but I do believe that we must start somewhere.

I put my trust in the strangest sources. Kobal and Harg would be dissapointed.

I should see them soon. Perhaps they will bring me back to a perspective I know.

[Zhofe]

It didn't really hit me until I posted a note renting out space in my house just how much I had lost. There was a time when instead I would be posting a notice of a party, or a meeting, or some happy occasion. Never before has my home seemed so empty. I almost feel like even I am not truely here ...

And am I? Is Quin Cromwell truely here in this place? I don't feel like Quin. I only feel like this ... this Hyell that I project out. A falsehood, a disguise, a mask. Hyell was a name given to me by an elven girl. She spoke no common, and I spoke no elven, but we got along just the same. We travelled together for a time and taught each other a bit. In those names, it was cute to have a second name, and elven name to call myself. But I ruined it.

I was drawn into seedy business, forced to call on odd allies, and I began using this as my moniker. Hyell became the hidden Quin, the Quin of the shadows, the Quin whe was unwilling to put his own name to the business that he dealt. Now I am trapped once again as Hyell.

Now, as then, there are things I can do as Hyell that I cannot do as Quin. Now, unlike then, few enough of the people know who I am. I am able to pass with relativly little disturbance. I can help or not as my own needs dictate. I am not sought for guidance or adventure ...... it is everything I wanted then. It is everything I wanted to be able to live my life in peace, and now it drives me insane.

I feel like I am nothing, like I have lost myself. I cannot bring myself to look upon the symbol of Toran without feeling shame. I ... I still believe in his teachings ... I do. I try to do his will as I can ... but ... why can I not put his name to it?

Why can I not put my name to it?

When it comes down to it ... I do not feel like Quin in most cases ... only a few make me feel like I did ... an old confidant, Tath, who I could always turn to in days gone by. A carefree friend, Mara, who never got so intertwined in my troubles, but who I knew as as good a friend as any I had. And Chanda, my arch rival, my antithesis ... she stands for everything I stood against and yet in the graveyard I could have called her an ally, even a friend.

I have strange alliances ... and I fear the normal ones may be lost ...

Lost ...

It all began when I felt I was losing Naga ... and it developed from there ... every hardship that came thereafter spawned from that ... as if fate curses my choice then ...

Such thoughts are ridiculous though. I have much that I should be thankfull of, not the smallest of which being the fact that I am not dead. There is some reason to it, and I plan to find it.

[Zhofe]

"Mighty! Mighty! Come on now!"

A cold feeling surrounded me.

"Look, I don't know what's going on but you gotta listen to me now! This isn't funny Mighty!"

A weight upon my chest.

"Quin! Listen to me and open your eyes you big stubborn jerk!"

I opened my eyes, and found myself sinking in inky blackness. I clawed at it, and swam my way back to the surface of the lake in Krandor. Starlight lit my emergence, and I gasped in the air as if every breat was my last.

"Now don't do that again!"

I looked around, expecting to see the form of one of my first real friends ... but there was nothing but blackness. I made my way back to the land, and pulled myself from the lake.

"I never figured you for a sleepwalker Mighty. Or are you Drunk? The Mighty One drunk! Now there is a thought!"

Again, I looked around, but there was no form to go with the voice. As I walked toward my home, I wondered how I came to be in the lake in the first place. Had I been sleep walking? It had never happened like that before. I could have drowned if not for that voice.

"Now you go and get some sleep Mighty. You've got alot ahead of you y'know. I told you you were special."

Had nearly drowning addled my senses? How could I be hearing the voice I was hearing now? What sort of madness was bringing the voice of Naga back into my head at a time like this? I opened the door to my home, and walked in, tracking in water and mud as I did so.

"Oh! I like what you've done with the place Mighty. Thanks for not renting out my room by the way, though you didn't have to take that rug out you know. What is with hiding it behind those bookshelves anyway?"

"Are you ... here ... Naga?" I asked into the empty room, wondering every moment at my sanity.

"Yeah, are you? Now, like I said, get some sleep Mighty, there is alot ahead of you."




I think returning from the dead has driven me mad. I sought out my rival before searching for my friends and I now hear the voice of a long gone companion. Perhaps it is from moving so much furniture recently ... but something tells me it is more than that ... and that frightens me ...

What was I doing out there?

[Zhofe]

"Mighty! Mighty! Come on now!"

A cold feeling surrounded me.

"Look, I don't know what's going on but you gotta listen to me now! This isn't funny Mighty!"

A weight upon my chest.

"Quin! Listen to me and open your eyes you big stubborn jerk!"

I opened my eyes, and found myself sinking in inky blackness. I clawed at it, and swam my way back to the surface of the lake in Krandor. Starlight lit my emergence, and I gasped in the air as if every breat was my last.

"Now don't do that again!"

I looked around, expecting to see the form of one of my first real friends ... but there was nothing but blackness. I made my way back to the land, and pulled myself from the lake.

"I never figured you for a sleepwalker Mighty. Or are you Drunk? The Mighty One drunk! Now there is a thought!"

Again, I looked around, but there was no form to go with the voice. As I walked toward my home, I wondered how I came to be in the lake in the first place. Had I been sleep walking? It had never happened like that before. I could have drowned if not for that voice.

"Now you go and get some sleep Mighty. You've got alot ahead of you y'know. I told you you were special."

Had nearly drowning addled my senses? How could I be hearing the voice I was hearing now? What sort of madness was bringing the voice of Naga back into my head at a time like this? I opened the door to my home, and walked in, tracking in water and mud as I did so.

"Oh! I like what you've done with the place Mighty. Thanks for not renting out my room by the way, though you didn't have to take that rug out you know. What is with hiding it behind those bookshelves anyway?"

"Are you ... here ... Naga?" I asked into the empty room, wondering every moment at my sanity.

"Yeah, are you? Now, like I said, get some sleep Mighty, there is alot ahead of you."




I think returning from the dead has driven me mad. I sought out my rival before searching for my friends and I now hear the voice of a long gone companion. Perhaps it is from moving so much furniture recently ... but something tells me it is more than that ... and that frightens me ...

What was I doing out there?

[Zhofe]

I finally had a chance to speak with "the bard" about my situation, and his answer was one of simple magic malfunction. He said that the bindstone absorbed alot of magic, and that many who were thought dead are now returning.

Something seems to bother me about such an explanation though ... first, the battle he spoke of is one that I have not heard of, second, I have never seen the bindstones fail before or since ... and I have heard of quite a few mighty battles that should have disturbed it. Third, I can't remember ever hearing such a straight answer from that bard before ...

But, I think his purpose was to make me realize that running around like this ... like I am .... it isn't going to bring me any answers. I cannot continue to simply go aimlessly as a wanderer in black. If I am to get the answers I seek, I must seek them as Quin Cromwell.

But so much is different now ... almost all that I drew strength from before is gone ... my friends, my loves, even my god seem have left, leaving me nothing but another man with a blade ...

But ... no ...

No ...

I can be the Quin I was before ... I was that man for a short time as I spoke with Michaelis, and I was that man for a short time as I led those adventurers back to where they fell ... and when I spoke with Mara ... and when I told the story of Aeralvia ...

I do not know how much sleep I will get tonight .... I must repaint my shield, and shine my armor ...

[Zhofe]

What an odd night this has been ... a night of friendships and gifts and of great adventures.


It all began with a note on my door. The note was from Derrick, and he wrote something about slaughtering in the Haven Mines. At first I thought it was simply an excuse to get that batch of Firewood Lager from me, but it turns out he WAS prepared for a slaughter, and had brought a group with him. Of course, I had told Gretchen about this trip so that if we did run into Derrick he wouldn't just be able to get the ale and leave. Then again ... Derrick passing up a fight is a scary thought ... I don't think I needed any security.

I ran into one of his group outside Krandor, running back to meet them and return to the place where he fell. I provided an escourt through the woods, and met up with Derrick and the others in Fort Hope. There I had a chance to give Derrick his ale, and he gave me a beautifully crafted mahogany pipe ... of course ... I complained about it a bit just because I didn't want to make him feel bad that I didn't have the heart to actually use such a fine pipe ... but I think it also helped him feel better about doing something "nice."

We travelled to the Haven Mines, and with little trouble cut through the simple ogre patrols down to the lower levels, where veritable armies awaited us. Derrick, Gretchen, and I soaked up the blows from these warriors as the archers cut them to shreds in near complete safety. There were only 6 of us, but the fate of the ogres was sealed as soon as we stepped into those mines with a plan in our heads and a fight in our hearts.

We emerged from those mines with no casualties, with a full load of Iron and Coal, and with few wounds of our own. Here is proof that past failures in this place were the fault of poor planing, though I knew that when Derrick, Michaelis, and I decended into that place long ago to help Naga back to where she fell.

Here we parted, and Teefal and Zerpa inquired about bow crafting, and where they could find some Oak Longbows. Lucky for them that they asked me. I taught them how to begin their practice in woodworking, and made two new oak longbows for them. I believe those two bows are the second best I ever made. (The best is still the one I made for Mara ... that bow was crafted perfectly, and then some) After that I helped Zerpa learn the basics of cooking, which she will need if she hopes to become a bowcrafter, the only reason I became so good at it was the queen's past generosity, and after that, Mirren making sandpaper for me ...

I showed Teefal and Zerpa my home in Krandor, and they mentioned that they had no real place to stay, and that someday they wished to have a home. I do not know what it is about those two, but for some reason I feel strangly at peace around them ... there is something ... hopefull in the way they carry themselves. I gave them the empty room in my house to do with as they pleased. It is not a house ... but I think it beats a campfire any day ....

After all of this, any day would be complete, but for some reason I felt that there was more for me to do. I was right. I walked into Hlint, and saw Ozy standing alone by the Hlint Stage. Seeing Ozy at all is not as common as you would think it is, but seeing him alone just does not happen. He alwas has a crowd around him asking questions and wanting to hear great tales ...I really felt sorry for him at that moment ... He doesn't seem to have very many real friends, and I doubt he has casual conversation often at all ... no one really treats him like a person ... but more like a figure, or maybe even a god ...

I went to say hi to him ... to try and talk, and made my confession of never really talking to him before unless I needed something, and he said that few do. He then told me to hold out my hands, and when I did he dropped a little pitch black kitten into my hands. When I asked for an explanation he said only "Wait until he starts sneezing everywhere" and then walked away ...

What can I really say after that? I reaized that the little fellow would have to eat, and that I would take care of him. I walked to Haven to milk the cows for the little fellow, and as I passed bac through Hlint I noticed a group that looked as if they had run into some trouble. They had, and that trouble was in the Grey Peaks, and they had left others there.

I asked the halfing with them, Acacea I believe she said her name was, to watch my kitten for me while I battled with the ogres, and she was happy to do so. She also helped me name him, Cyfi, which is halfling for love, or something similar.

I went home and that is where my night ended, as I lay peacefully in bed with a new friend, and Teefal and Zerpa lay peacefully in bed a room over, and I am sure Ran and Gretchen and Fragsnot were also sleeping peacefully ...

[Zhofe]

It seems it's been a while since I have taken a chance to write anything down. Alot has happened, but nothing really important. I feel so ... peaceful recently, sometimes happy, sometimes not, but I do not really feel bad.

I have not felt Toran's call in so long, yet I still try to serve him. I wonder what trials the lord goes through now that I cannot feel his light. Or have I simply lost faith? I don't know.

I know that I like to fish, and I like to hunt, and explore. The shelter of home is comforting, but I really seem to feel alive in the wilderness. I had had such thoughts before, but never so powerfull as now. I had never felt as nervous around crowds before either. It seems more and more that I cannot be in towns and cities for too long, with the exception of places like Krandor and Lannisport.

Zerpa's pic-nic is later today, but I should have time to take a long nap before it starts. Sleep is another thing that has been getting to me recently. Maybe I'm getting old? Maybe death has taken its toll on me? I don't know ... maybe I just like to dream ...

[Zhofe]

I am sitting here with Acacea and Cyfi.

It has been a long day ... filled with many memories ... most of them new ...

Helping Zerpa brought me up to a rather interesting book that mentioned "everything that dies must be reborn." Perhaps this will give me some clue as to why I am here? Have I been reborn for some reason?

[Zhofe]

The opening of the Leilon Arms went very well, though I am glad to be back home now. It is a strange feeling to actually be a businessman now ... thinking in terms of profits and ledgers and such. I have yet to see any of the profit from this business myself of course, but then again, I am only the Manager. Most of the money is Derrick's anyway.

*a note in the margin* I need to buy a new ledger-book and number the rooms in it.

We are now spending our time gathering things (Acacea is sitting here with me while I write this, and wants to know if she is in it, so I am writing her in) to restock the bar and the shop. I belive breads and pies will sell well if we can make enough of them. It will be difficult without an easier way to get Corn however.

*a note in the margin*
1 Corn Wort
1 Yeast
2 Hops
1 Cherry Juice
4 Bottles

Derrick and I are trying to gather ingredients to make some rather unique ales. We hope these too will be a hit. I believe I will do my best to gather some pipe-weed aswell, and make pipes for it. It can't hurt right?

It is getting late, and I think I will go to sleep. Alot of work brewing and baking tommorrow.