Wishes, Loves, and Dreams. By Vivian Elishan

[Zhofe]

this book is bound in red leather, with gold embroidery on it. The binding is not well worn, and it seems the book is taken care of very well. On the outside, emblazoned in gold, are the words "Wishes, Loves, and Dreams" On the inside page, the name Vivian Lierra Elishan appear. This book lays on her desk in 124 Leilon right now, and may be seen by anyone who enters her room, and reads it. This book seems to be a mix of a biography, a poetry book, and a narrative on love.

Though the book looks well put together, the observant will notice that the leather is of low quality, and the parchments only of hickory.

[Zhofe]

My first love, my greatest love, and the love I yet long for, was my Daniel. Well, to be honest, my first love was my Father. I think at some point all girls want to marry their Daddy, but I outgrew it as soon as I laid eyes on my Daniel. I do not think it was really love at first sight. I did not love my Daniel as soon as I saw him, we had to grow together, to love each other completly.

I miss him so, and some nights I cry for it all to end so I can join him againin Eternity, but I know I have a full life here, and so many people who love me, and who I love. Rose, Cray, Jet, Alantha, Acacea, Xiao, Theomir, Vestlyn ... all of those names mean something to me. When I think about them, I really feel like there is a reason why I am here. If even my only reason is to protect them, and hold them when they need it, and smiles and laugh with them, then it is worth waiting for my Daniel to do such a duty. I love each of them, and I pray to Ilsare they know that.

Perhaps, in times such as we are in, it is the many smaller loves rather than a single absolute love that will give us what we need. I will still wait for my daniel 'til the day the bells of eternity ring and we are joined again in a marriage of the souls that no evil can break. Until that day, I will strengthen the loves between me and my close friends, and try to extend a loving hand to those who would seek and offer the same.

This is my pleasure, my strength, to serve Ilsare by example, until the day eternity calls me home.

[Zhofe]

I feel myself drawn now, and I cannot help it ... and it would not hurt so bad if I were drawn to one, but now to two ... and I still long for my Daniel and know he waits for me. These feelings are so strong, but what are they? Am I just lonely? Or do I truly want, love, and desire these two? And, if I do truly want, love, and desire them ... then what of Daniel in eternity? Will he still wait for me? Will the other, the ones I am now falling in love with await me after death?

But then, even eternity becomes confusing ... will I be able to be with both then? And will the other become jealous? Do we even feel such things after life? Do we even feel love after life? Have I been believing in a fairy-tale all this time? Why did it hurt so much to write that? Do I fear it is true?

What would Daniel want me to do?

[Zhofe]

I keep staring at this book I have begun, sitting on my desk, and the prospect of putting my thoughts on paper is a frightening one.

Love is such a tangled thing. All around me I see the strangest threads of love, gratifying some and leaving others in such pain. Often many love the same person, or one may love many and not know where their hear lies. Love may be given freely, or guarded carefully. Love is not always returned to one who loves. So many are hurt ... and I wonder how many will really find the happiness love is supposed to bring.

I had my Daniel, and I know that so long as I remember he awaits me in eternity, I will be happy.

But what of Jet? I do have feelings for him, yet at the same time I am happy and hurt that he says he loves Ravenne. The strangest mixing of jealousy and joy. What of Corsan, who has had his heart broken by those two? What of Xiao, who as hard as he tries, and as nice as he is, just cannot seem to find what he seeks? What of Alantha who now feels she is a monster because of the magics put upon her, despite the love that Cray continues to shower upon her ....

What about me? How can I spread the blessings of love when the greatest love in my heart is reserved for a man I will not see again until I pass from this world ...

[Zhofe]

Spring fades slowly into summer, and the new surge of life dulls into a happy constance. The deluge of infatuation washes away, and the warmth and joy of true life, and true love enshrouds us. The tiny storms that bring the waters needed for life to begin are replaced with a sheltering sunshine that nurtures them. The flighty spring needs bother us no more with it's stirring, as we have found what we want.

So in life, so in love, and so has spring passed and summer begun, just as the seasons themselves come. Like a flower, love has grown. And like flowers, a florist must know how many she can care for, and leave the others for other gardners to find.

I love summer most of any season. It reminds me of the permanence, of the stability, or the warmth of love. Soon autumn will come, and love will begin to change, yes, but for now, I have my summer, and even through an autumn, and a winter, the Summer will return.

I have chosen the flowers to be mine, and have had to let one go. I hope he can find his way, as I have found mine. I hope I can see him grow into a bright flower, and with another have what I could not give him. I have already given all I am to the flowers I have.

I think I will sleep a little longer this-morning ...

[Zhofe]

Rennovations -

It is amazing how adding a few new things, and moving some others, can make a room feel brand new. I loved my room before, but I must say, the cushions and the windows and the bath really do make a difference. I am glad Jet made a little impromtu visit, I needed the help.

I still haven't seen Cray, and that worries me a bit. I hope I didn't scare her off, but then again, Alantha has missed her aswell. I hope nothing has happened to her.