Diary of a curious Elf

[DMOE]

I ran into Pendar just outside Hlint talking to that druid again.  They seemed to be sorting things out which is good.
Pendar is upset that Brit has gone and wishes he could have done more to support him.  He has also had a letter from him.  I told Pendar how Brit claims to have been run out of Hlint and we are agreed he should look into it as if it happened than that is not right at all.  Pendar is still my friend though and I am happy for that.  
Acecea asked after Aranna and I explained she had bathed in the lake and come into her powers.  She seemed a little disappointed to have missed it. By this point another group of people was forming to discuss things so I quietly left and returned home.
It is strange I suppose that I already consider Remiel’s house home but then I have hardly left it in the last couple of months and it is decorated very well with a good feel.

[DMOE]

I walked into  Hlint and ran into Abi.  We were chatting about things such as the Shadowdancers when Angelo interrupted as is his way!  It was a spirited discussion and then he chose to leave!
A drow approached and calling me Lady Ireth enquired after Aranna and myself.  We talked a little of Aranna and her training and such.  I commented that I had no claim to title ‘Lady’. Thus a discussion on my marriage ensued. Angelo managed to return and join in. Abi and the drow seemed to think Brit should be tracked down so I could explain to him.  For once Angelo and I seem to agree that it is not necessarily the best thing.  Then a pit fiend appeared and spoke to someone sat on a bench.
Well I didn’t know what to think.  I quickly changed into my armour and drew my bow but all it did was talk.  Then suddenly the fiend and the person it was talking to vanished.
I was stood trying to work out what to do when Jacchri arrived.  He asked how I was and I explained about Brit’s letter.  Further talk between Jacchri, Abi and me ensued with them telling me I should try and find Brit.  I started to feel angry at this and pointed out that no one made him actually leave without speaking to me.  That even if he had been run out of Hlint he could have waited at the house or left me a note telling me where to find him.  He chose to leave without speaking me!
Then suddenly the person who disappeared with the pit fiend reappeared.  Jacchri went over as he knew him.  Abi and I continued to talk until Angelo joined in again.  Once again we seemed to agree.  If he wished to know the truth the Brit could have learnt it! I went to the house the very first chance I got after Aranna was born and he had left.  I did not tell anyone to run him out of town.  It is not my responsibility that he chose to listen to rumour rather than try to listen to me!  He could have sent me a letter earlier and chose not to!  He in fact left it over two months before bothering to tell me anything.  Abi will go to find him if I wish but also respects the fact the fact that this it is not my burden to find him when hec ould have spoken to me if he wished!  As I said to her would she have listened to gossip if it had been her and Angela?  She replied as I knew she would that she would wish to hear from Angela’s lips. We are going to try and find out if anyone did run him out of town though.  I gave Abi a big hug to thank her and went home.

[DMOE]

Not be up to much really.  I’m feeling slightly worn after all that has happened with Aranna and also Remiel.
All I’ve done really is go and sit on the benches in Hlint to chat.  I’m getting to know Angela and Abi more and they are being such good friends and supporting me.  I had a good conversation with Kloss a few days ago also.  Nothing really exciting just talking to people.
Maybe it’s because I am missing Aranna and I suppose I’m not used to being alone in the house.  I know Brit often was away doing things but Elladan would usually be around when Brit wasn’t so I was never actually alone unless I wished to be.  I am going to have to get used to not having my ‘Brother’ around in the same way as I have.
I will have to steel myself soon and go and enquire at the Courthouse to see what can be done about my marriage to Brit.  I’m not sure what exactly that may be but I just hope there is a way to dissolve the marriage without causing further hurt.  It’s not because I have any mad desires in Remiel’s direction it’s just that my marriage is over so still being married seems silly.  Oh well I’m sure I’ll find out when I can get up the courage to go and ask!

[DMOE]

I decided to talk a walk and went to the Craft Hall where I ran into Sy.  She invited me to go to Haven mines with her and I agreed.  We headed up and met with Trysk and a couple of others outside.  Just as I went in I saw Elladan but had to dash off after the others.  They had all charged off and I was worried Elladan would have followed me.  Eventually I caught up with Trysk and ran into Synal'dur but by then Trysk had ran on. I asked Synal’dur if he would walk me back to the entrance to check for Elladan.  He kindly agreed and then Trysk ran up looking for me.  We all headed up and did indeed find Elladan who had entered on his own worried for me.  Synal'dur checked we’d be ok getting to Sy and the others and then excused himself.
Trysk, Elladan and I fought our way down to the others to discover one of them had already fell. They did some mining and just as we were about to leave Jet came down.  I checked if Jet wished us to wait for him and he thanked me but said no. We reached the top and shared out the loot.  Elladan, Trysk and I were still chatting when Jet left the mine.
We teased Jet slightly as by this point I had changed out of my armour.  I also impressed Elladan as he said I had accepted I was beautiful for the first time since he meet me.  Jet left and we continued to chat.  Things got a little heated at one point when Elladan made a comment about Brit and Trysk being Brit’s friend reacted but eventually all was calm again.  We decided to go to Hlint so I could show Trysk my costume from the masked ball and we could tease Jet some more.  Once we got to Hlint I dashed off to change and surprised Elladan, Trysk and Barion with my outfit.  Unfortunately we couldn’t find Jet to tease!  Barion and Shule have brought a house together so Barion left to get the furniture sorted and Trysk dashed off as is Trysk’s way!
Elladan and I walked on and discussed how strange we are finding it not living in the same house and we also discussed the house in Fort Llast slightly. We then arrived at the benches.  Elhara and then Lan arrived shortly afterwards but I was starting to feel tired and excused myself.
I returned home and ran a bath and tried to relax but couldn’t so I went for a walk again.  I arrived at the benches to discover a heated discussion between a Xeenite and some others regarding Ozy.  The Xeenite seemed to think that as Ozy hadn’t saved Quinn from Dougal on one occasion and had then taken some of Quinn’s blood to help him make an antidote to Dougal’s poison that Ozy is evil.  I went mad!  How dare this silly woman who obviously knows so little of what actually went off talk like this?  Then she started called Remiel, Remmy and I saw red even more!  I argued and argued with her and while I could back up my arguments with fact she couldn’t back her arguments up.  At one point Dougal walked into Hlint and tried to explain things to the Xeenite but she just accused himof being Ozy’s puppet!  Dougal thanked Ozy, kissed my cheek and left.  I am happy that he has been redeemed at last! Ozy left to rest and eventually the Xeenite left also.
Abi had arrived at some point and seemed interested to discover more about what I had been through even if it was not the time to ask me.  Elladan told me how proud he was of me and I told him it might be a bit soon as I had the feeling I will end up hitting the Xeenite at some point. Angelo offered to make me invisible if I every wish to.  
Ozy arrived back at that point and licked me.  He told me that I didn’t have to defend him as he is used to such things.  I explained that she was wrong and I didn’t like it! I also pointed out the fact that I valued the help he had given and would count him friend if I thought he had such.  Ozy replied that he has friends although they are few and far between.  I told him he is to count me as his friend and call on me if he ever thinks I can help!  Then I asked him what I tasted of now.  He replied I taste of an Aeridenite and a Toranite.  I was confused that I would taste of an Aeridenite and asked him if he knew why.  He replied that perhaps I was close to one which of course I am, Elladan!  I pointed out I was sure he could guess who the Toranite was and he did reply that Remiel has a distinct flavour!  I realised at this point that Abi had been discussing Ozy licking people with him and Ozy was explaining why he does it.  I couldn't resist adding he enjoys it!  Elladan pointed out it tends to unsettle people so was no bad reason from that point.  I pointed out I’m getting used to it so he’ll have to think of a new way to unsettle me! At that point he showed me just how long his tongue is and commented about licking me with his entire tongue. I pointed out that I’d certainly react but that I am no longer the innocent girl he first met!  Azaria arrived at that pointed.  I asked Ozy what happens when someone licks him.  He asked me why I didn’t find out and for some strange reason I did!  Ozy tastes sweet.  Bris arrived back at that point and it is obvious that she is involved with Ozy. Ozy commented that normally he licks back when licked but Bris was there.  I pointed out that I owed him one from earlier!  Bris made a comment about my outfit and Ozy joined in teasing me! She also told me to back off her bard while Ozy pointed out that Kea wasn’t the only possessive one so I pointed out my heart was another’s and while I enjoy bantering with Ozy, banter is all it is.  We chatted a bit more and I over heard Azaria saying things about Kai so I pointed out that Kai is honest about who he is so you should accept him or leave him alone. She said she had left him alone. I asked if her and Kai where over and she is going to tell me about some other time.  Joy!!!  I only wished to know if he is going to chase me even more!
I reminded Ozy that I meant what I’d said earlier and said goodnight to people making sure that Abi knows if she wishes to ask me questions at a later date I will answer them and went back to the house.

[DMOE]

*page tear stained with the ink having run in places*
 
Remiel returned home to day. I should have been so happy.  He has had chance to think and he has discovered that has tasks to do he didn’t know about before he began protecting Aranna and me.
But it’s all right because I’ll find someone better than him.
I denied my feelings for him and he wouldn’t let me but it’s ok.  He at least had the decency to admitit was his entire fault although he seemed to think that made it better!
He is sorry, he did care and wishes it could be different but it can’t.  He can’t tell my why it just can’t but he is sorry.
Oh and we’ll both get over it so what is the problem anyway?
I ranted and I raved and he just kept saying sorry and there was nothing he could tell me or do it change it even if he wanted to.
So we parted and not on the best of terms by the time I had finished but I wasn’t feeling kind by then.
He gave me nothing, no indication he would have wished it different if he could, no emotion and hardly any feeling.
He stood there and broke my heart in two.
So it is over and there is more pain in my life.  I guess I should be used to it by now.
So now what?  How do I trust, how do I love again?  Oh silly me it’s going to be easy, Remiel said so.

[DMOE]

I seemed to have managed to stop crying for a short while.  Abi met me on the way back to the Fort Llast house immediately after Remeil had cast me aside.  She is a true friend!  I told her what had happened and she left me cry.  She tried to explain that I would feel better one day and even love again but she also admitted I would never truly get over him and the sight of him may cause me pain for years to come.  I demanded to know what I was supposed to do now as she told me that I just had to get through it as best I could.  I told her I wanted to hurt Remeil as he is hurting me but she is wise and knows that it is just the anger talking.  She made me promise not to make any sort of move to hurt him and I agreed for deep down I know she is right.  There are many things I wish to do with Remeil but hurting him is not truly one of them.  I said I may as well give myself to Kai as Remeil had made me no better than a woman who sells her affections.  Abi went wild at this and said I was not to use such a word.  That I had given myself to Remiel because I loved him and anything else was not my fault.  She also reminded me that it would be unfair to myself and Kai if I took him to my bed as I had nothing to give but my body and I would be making Kai what I feel Remeil has made me.  Again she is wise.  I do not wish to be with anyone right now and I certainly don’t have any physical desire.  What I have is the lingering memory of Remeil’s caress and kisses and in some ways while I wish to hold that forever in my heart a very small part of me wishes it taken away.  She made me promise that if I am ever with Kai it is because I feel for him.  That is fair also.  I know Kai fairly well and while he would claim to be happy with my body he would truly wish my heart also.
I can not give any one my heart.  Remeil still has it regardless of if he wants it or not!  God’s how I feel a fool for trusting him, for listening to him and for believing I had a chance at happiness with anyone.  I think I am doomed to bring pain to myself and others.
I can’t help but wonder if it was something I had done of that Remeil had discovered about me that changed his mind.  I can’t think of anything we did not talk about but something happened while he was a way.  Something I do not deserve to know.  God’s I feel so ill used right now.  First Dougal, then Aranna and now Remiel.  Oh and the irony of Aranna and Remiel is not lost on me either.  I will hardly see my daughter but he will.  The only one who could give me news of her is the one person to see would break my heart again!

[DMOE]

I couldn’t stand to be in the house any longer so I walked into Hlint.  Trysk was the first person I saw and I’m afraid I rather fell apart on him.  After a little while the Xeentie I argued with (Silool), Abi, Thais and maybe a few others arrived.
Abi came up and asked me how I was and I fell apart again.
Thais thought I was crying over my baby but I explained my baby was full grown and this was over a man.  She thought I meant Brit which was a bit awkward but I explained it wasn’t.  I started rambling about how I had not wanted to get involved with anyone but that he had encouraged me.
Silool came over and offered me food and drink.  I took the food.  She told me she had realised she had been unfair about Ozy and is going to apologise which was nice to hear.  Then I told her it was Remeil who had jilted me.  She was surprised and shocked and wishes to speak to him about it as he is her friend.  She was nice enough to ask if I minded but I don’t in fact I care very little about anything right now.
I continued to tell the story to those who wished to know.  They were all so nice and supportive.  I think I have a new friend in Silool well at least until she speaks to Remiel.  She gave me a dress and it was pretty but not me.  I hadn’t the heart to say it wasn’t so just took it to make her happy.  Angela had arrived by this point and they tried to talk me into going into Haven but I didn’t feel like killing.  I just didn’t feel like anything.
I’d waited so long for him to come home, looked forward to on the basis of his words before we went and then….
*tears stain the page*
They tried to cheer me up so much but I didn’t wish it.  Eventually I agreed to make them stop hoping to stall for time.  Then Elladan arrived. 
I started to explain to him.  Elladan got so angry.  When I explained Remiel had promised me things he went cold and strange.  He started to ask me questions which I did my best to answer.  He asked if Remiel seduced me.  I replied that I wasn’t sure he had.  I told Elladan I had been worried it was so soon after Brit and because we were forced to spend so much time together.  Elladan asked how it could happen with us all sleeping in the same room.  I reminded him Remiel and I spent much time talking and that he had bedded me when Elladan had gone out.  I asked if it was still seduction if I desired him. 
Thais wondered if my desire for him had scared him away.  I pointed out he’d rather enjoyed it from what I could see.  Then she asked if he’d felt obliged to marry me due to his Paladin’s code and discovered he didn’t love me and I told her I didn’t know what happened.
Elladan started to apologise as if it was his fault and then started to talk about how Remiel will answer for his actions.  He said some more which I can’t remember but when Angela asked me if I ever told Remiel I was still married to Brit and I answered yes Elladan went white.  I explained how Remiel had been there when I discovered Brit had left and how I had discussed Brit and my marriage with him.
I tried to explain that he hadn’t seduced me but rather made me aware he had feelings for me and that I had them for him.  I tried to explain that I was the one who asked him if he wished to be with me. 
Then Elladan started to apologise again.  Suddenly he announced that he is going to make a formal complaint to the Temple of Toran declaring Remiel as an oath breaker.  I told Elladan that I am also as I broke my oath to Brit when I slept with Remiel.  Elladan then told he was doubly sorry and announced that he was also accusing Remiel of adultery.  Elladan just told me he had to do this.  I explained they will put me on trail along side Remeil.  Elladan then had to explain that adultery was a crime to the people gathered.  I tried to make Elladan understand that it is not a good idea but…..
I could not ask him to not stand for his principles.  He is a Paladin and they matter to him even if the don’t matter to all but nor do I wish my relationship dragged through the courts or if truth be told Remiel.  I know I promised to destroy him in anger when he asked me to leave but I did not mean it, not really so now Elladan will destroy us both instead and Remiel will believe I wished it so.  While I am not naïve enough to believe that things would ever change between Remiel and me I thought I might manage to be I the same room as him in time if only for Aranna’s sake.  Now I doubt he will wish to lay eyes on me again.
I ranted a little more and made them angry when I called myself a woman who sells her affections but it is how I feel right now.  I know Remiel said it wasn’t so but he said so much and changed his mind. 
I tried to get Elladan to go to Haven with the others but he refused to let me be on my own.  Ironic really that it is all his caring that will nail the coffin of my relationship shut.
I asked to speak to Abi and explained I have sent Kai a letter explaining about Brit and Remiel.  She reminded me of my promise and I put her mind at rest explain that I wished Kai to hear it from me and not as gossip and that I need him to be my friend and not try to seduce me.  Abi understood that and say’s she will talk to Kai and make sure he does too.  Of course talk turned back to Remiel which just made me sad and Abi & Angela angry as they got more of what happened out of me.
We all talked some more and they tried to convince me to go to Haven again but I could not.  Eventually Elladan walked me home and drew me a hot bath and made me hot chocolate.  He slept on the cushions in my room in case I had need.  Thankfully my crying didn’t wake him.

[DMOE]

Again I need to get out of the house.  I sneaked past Elladan and started into Hlint intending to dye some of my blue clothes a different colour.  A silly thing but one I hope will improve my mood.  I ran into Angela on the road and she decided to walk me in.  When I got there I found Mith and Pendar.
I told Pendar that maybe he was right and I am no lady as Remiel cast me aside and Angela told me off for saying that.  I tried to explain that I don’t feel like a lady which made her more annoyed.
Mith was so nice.  He acted just like he always does with good advice.  It was nice and normal.  I ended up telling Mith the story.  He laughed at the bit where Remiel told me maybe Mith would be better for me than him.  Angela had to leave then as her ox ran off
Mith agreed he had manipulated me but asked why he had pushed me away now.  He asked me if maybe Remiel had done what he did to make it as painful as possible to aid the healing process and not give me hope.  That maybe Remiel would risk losing me if we stayed together and that he could not stand that so pushed me away as hard as he could.  It was sound comment even if I did not wish to hear it.  I’d rather believe I was his toy he had finished with than contemplate the fact it hurt Remiel to ended it too.  Mith pointed out that maybe one day Remiel will be able to explain and I counted by asking if he thought I could ever believe anything Remeil said to me again.  Mith said sadly he could as I am trusting and kind!
Then Pendar said he’d been daydream so I had to explain a little more.  Then we had a strange discussion with Pendar discussing his God, Mith discussing trust in yourself and your own abilities and me being all pathetic and deciding I can only bring pain to myself and those around me!  Then Lan arrived and there was even more explaining!  Mith suggested I post a notice to prevent me from having to explain so much and Pendar decided it was mean but I quite liked it!  I made me feel like smiling.
Lan and Pendar both left and I thanked Mith for his words as they had eased my heart slightly.
A gentleman who knows Ozy asked if he may share some wisdom with me and I asked him to do so as long as he did not compliment Remiel.  He informed me he had no love for a letching Paladin.  I told that unfortunately for me I do.  He told me I should seize the moment and make sure he knew.  I almost laughed at that point and explained that Remiel knew and still it is over. We continued talking and the subject of court came up.  I explained what Elladan planned to do and the gentleman muttered it was about time.  I asked him if he done thins to other women and he told me I was one of many.  I commented that maybe Remiel just didn’t want Kai to get me and we had a small discussion about Kai.  I commented that Kai was not unattractive but that I did not give myself lightly, a fact which Remiel knew and the gentleman said that he was not one to make claims but that he felt Remiel may have used me for his own personal gain.  I asked what that could be other than to bed me a hurt me and that Remiel had claimed it was more than that even as he was telling me to go.  The gentleman commented that if it had been more than that then Remiel would still be with me.  I replied that Remiel had said he had learnt things he didn’t know before, that he had meant what he said but it can’t be now.  I asked the gentleman if any of this sounded familiar and he said it did.  I commented that of course he couldn’t tell me what he’d learnt, that he’d made a mistake, he’s sorry and I’d get over it.  That seemd to catch the gentleman by surprise as he said he was sorry but he was lost for words but that he would reflect on things and pray for an answer as well as praying to Lucinda for my wellbeing.  I thanked him and asked who he was.  He introduced himself as Celgar Magnus, priest of Lucinda and then excused himself to see Trysk and Ranwein who had just arrived.  I asked Mith to walk me home.  He did of course and his conversation continued to be good for me.  I am glad Mith is my friend for he is honest and his council wise even if he does think I will be the ruin of him!  I bid him goodbye and slipped into the house quietly so as not to wake Elladan.

[DMOE]

Well a decision!  I love Remiel, he doesn’t want me.  I can’t change that now.  If there had been a chance I did not see it and I lashed out in my pain.  Also Elladan’s actions will probably mean Remiel will never wish to lay eyes on me again. I doubt he will believe I did not put Elladan up to it and nor am I going to try and explain it to him.  So my decision is this.  I will stop the crying in public and talking about what has happened.  I will keep my feelings inside me and wait for time to help me sort them out.  I love him and some part of me always will but he is right is a way that we will both get over it in time.  Part of me just can’t help feeling he already is and that is what causes the most pain I fear.  Not that I can’t be with him, not that I don’t have him to hold but not knowing if he actually did mean what he said.  God’s I believed him at the time as he seemed so true but he was so cold when he asked me to leave.
Oh Remiel why did you want me?  I realised looking back that you declared an interest in me and kissed me even before I knew Brit had left.  Within a day of meeting me in fact.  It was all so fast and sudden.  I told you right at the start that I was married and may have feelings for another but you declared your interest anyway!  I tried to ignore my feelings towards you and you applied gentle pressure to ensure they were always in my mind until I believed your soft words and trusted you.  I opened myself up to my feelings for you and was honest with you and you told me you loved me, wished to be with me, felt a passion for me you had felt for no other. You promised me I wouldn’t have to share you and that you were mine but how little those promises must have meant to you!  You awaken a desire in me I never knew existed which when combined with my love for you makes me half insane at the loss of you and now what?
Oh Elladan what have you done?  I know why you felt the need to report him but did you have to declare in front of half of Hlint?  I couldn’t ask you not to now even if I wished to.  I wouldn’t ask you to betray your principles even for me brother but gods if this is dragged through the courts it may destroy me more than it will Remiel. Regardless of if Remiel lied or meant what he said I love him!  He can not change that by just telling me he doesn’t want me anymore and now thanks to you Brother I will have to stand in court and tell everyone the details of my relationship and he will be judged.  I care not if I am.  I know I wanted him and while I did try to resist it obviously wasn’t hard enough. I can take any punishment the courts deal me for my part but I am not sure I can take the hurt it will cause Remiel even though he has hurt me and worst of all I’m not sure I can take the knowledge that he will think I wished it so.  Oh all the things I wish I could take back in my life, wish I had never said, telling Remiel I would destroy him is the one I would choose if I could.

[DMOE]

I went into Hlint and ended having a strange conversation with Celgar about relationships and Aranna. He’s nice enough but I was quietly please when I realised Enzo was waving hello and I could excuse myself to go say hello.
Enzo asked me how I was and I explained I’m missing Aranna and we had a small chat about things needing to be done.  Plen, Angela and Abi arrived at that point and plen started to tell a story.  I didn’t feel much like listening so asked Enzo if he fancied a walk.  We went and sat by the tress outside Hlint.
I asked him if he’d heard the gossip and it was obvious that he had and he worried for me which was nice. We had a really good chat.  Enzo doesn’t think I love Remiel at all but more the things he said and did and the charm he used to bed me as that is all Enzo believes he was after.  I can see his point and while in some ways it made it easier to think of, I don’t think my feelings are that shallow towards Remiel as Enzo thinks Remiel’s were towards me. I don’t know if Enzo is right but it makes it easier to think of myself as just another conquest rather than think he does love me and still asked me tol eave.  We chatted a while longer and Enzo told me some of his love life to do with Bris and Ly which was a welcome distraction but eventually I needed to be on my own so made my excuses and went and sat by the campfire.
I enjoyed my chat to Enzo. It did me good and made me smile. After all it is Remiel’s loss not mine! He could have had me to make him happy but he doesn’t want me so his tough luck!

[DMOE]

Walked into Hlint to see who was around to find Enzo and a few others including Jet. Enzo suggested that wading through troll guts was a good thing to do to take my mind of things. Kloss came up and asked how I was so I explained I was single and when he said he was sorry for me I made Enzo grin by telling him not to be as it was Remiel’s loss not mine.  Maybe if I keep this up I might believe it sometime soon! Jacchri came up and I told him what happened and he made such a beautiful comment about me having the worst luck with men.  He is so right!  To cut a very long story short quite a few of us including Kloss, Enzo, Angela, Elladan, Jet, Roxx, Jacchri and I went to a cave in Battle Fens where some of them mined Platinum.  It was a good trip and I laughed and joked with Enzo and the others.  When we were splitting loot and such outside Port Hampshire I got chatting to Jet and we offered to swap skills.  I teach him the bow and he teaches me sword play.  He is a strange one to talk to.  He is nice enough if a little reserved.  Maybe I just need to get to know him slightly better so he is more comfortable with me.  
Elladan reminded people he needed to go to Haven and take care of the Chief there so off we headed. I ended up at the back chatting with Jet and Enzo until Enzo had to nip off and do something.  I'm sure the rest wondered what was taking us so long although I did have to nip into the bank and Jet kindly gave me some arrow heads he had no use for.  Eventually I arrived at the mine to discover they had just gone in so I dashed after them and thankfully caught up.  We got the head for Elladan and made it backout.  Angela was teasing me that I had been flirting with Enzo and as he walked up while we were waiting for Elladan to get back from handing the head in I asked him.  I really must get better at realising I am flirting!  On the way back to Hlint Elladan began teasing me that Mith showed more than a friendly interest in me but I don’t see it myself.  He’s just a good friend!  Enzo had to leave to gett hings ready at his shop in the Arm’s but promised to buy me a fruit juice when I arrived later.  Elladan, Abi,Angela, Ayla and I all headed off chatting. As we got on the road to Fort Llast I caught Mith following out of the corner of my eye so stopped and he bumped into me.  He decided to join us going to the Arm’s.  Just as we were passing Castle Blackford I spied Ozy and said hello.  He immediately asked me to follow him into the library.  Mith followed shortly after and listen as is his way.
Well what a conversation that was!  Ozy believes Remiel still loves me but something or someone is preventing him from acting on it.  He intends to find out at the very least for he told me that if Remiel did just use me then he will rip his gut’s out as Remiel once made Ozy promise that if he acted like a couple of the women in his life had acted towards him that Ozy was to kill him.  I did have to admit that the knowledge of Ozy ripping out Remiel’s guts if he used me did help!  We also discussed Elladan’s complaint and I explained to Ozy how I can’t ask him to withdraw it.  Ozy understood and thinks we will all cope although wishes it wasn’t a problem!
I asked Ozy what it is about me that seems to have this strange effect on men as I just don’t understand it!  Ozy told me I am beautiful, but also kind,clever, polite and not one to dwell on petty hatred.  I still don’t understand it but I gather from Ozy I need to learn to accept what I am. Elladan has told me that also.
We carried on talking but now Ozy was explaining some of his culture to me as I wish to learn more.  I like to learn and I think Ozy enjoyed explaining it to me although eventuallyI was tired and Ozy being Ozy noticed and sent me to rest.  I hope he gets a chance to talk to Remiel soon but we will see!

[DMOE]

Decided to go and take Jet up on his offer of visiting him if I am in Hlint and discovered he was in fact home.  We ended up have a very long chat about all sorts of things from his childhood, to my childhood, to fighting styles.  It was a very pleasant way to spend a few hours and he was slightly more talkative than before which I think is a good sign.  At one point we ended up discussing me and he told me he thinks I am strong, smart, beautiful and very curious!  I agreed with the curious part at least!  We also discussed how this whole Remiel thing has made me realise just how many friends I have and that at least something good has come out of it.
Jet has led a very interesting life and as always I enjoyed hearing his story.  I do so enjoy learning more about people and things and he didn’t even mind my questions.
I’m not sure how long we talked for but eventually Jet admitted he was feeling tired and wished to rest so I thanked him for his company and bid him goodbye reminding him he is always welcome to visit me at my house!

[DMOE]

Went to Velensk to deliver a parcel and decided to sit in Port Hampshire for a change to Hlint.  I was minding my own business when Ozy came along.  Angela, Abi and Barion also wondered by.  We said our hellos and Angela asked if I wished to join her and Abi but I decided to chat to Ozy.
Well Ozy took me to his house on Dregar, I’ve never been there before so it was an experience!  Ozy’s house is nice and we sat and continued my culture lessons although tonight was more a history lesson about Dra'Morath.
I enjoyed talking to him and learning more.  I just hope I managed to ask some intelligent questions.  We talked for quite a while before Ozy wondered off.  After a while there was a knock at the door and Ozy didn’t seem to be around I went out to see who it was.
It was Mith who had a feeling I was in Ozy’s house so thought he’d check.  He is a strange one sometimes but I like him!  He gave me a couple of wands he’d found and we talked.  Ozy didn’t return so Mith kindly offered to show me to Hurm to catch the boat although we did stop on the way to sit by a waterfall which was very pretty.
I caught the boat back to Lelion and sat there for a while.  Mith stayed on Dregar and as for Ozy?  Well he was obviously off somewhere being Ozy.

[DMOE]

I was had just walked into Fort Llast when I ran into Mith.  I asked him if he would help me with a crate I needed to buy for the house as I’m getting far too much stuff at the moment.  He said he would help but gently suggested I let him go into Hlint and fetch the chest as if I went I’d spend all day talking.  I teased him a bit about what he said be agreed he may be right!  So off he went.  Ironically enough he ended up gossiping and keeping me waiting.  So we got the chests placed as he actually picked me two up and wouldn’t take anything for them either!  He really is far too good to me.  We ended up in the bedroom discussing the pool.  Mith put some magic rocks in the pool which will heat it which again was very sweet.  So there we are sat chatting!  We talked about all sorts of things but eventually the talk turn to love.  It does that a lot for me these days.  At least with Mith it was about Remeil but more about how to cope with love and that the person you love might be used against you or how they cope with the things you have done or might do!  I was just about to ask Mith if there had ever been anyone he thought he could have serious feelings for when he heard the door.  It was Jet.  He was passing through Fort Llast so called in.  So there I am with two men in my bedroom!  I’d been teasing Mith about taking a dip I the pool so shortly after Jet’s arrival I had a naked Mith in my pool!  Mith sat enjoying the pool while Jet and I talked.  I know Mith doesn’t always enjoy talking in a group and I don’t think he knows Jet well.  We were discussing my clothes and attracting the attention of men which seems to be the other most popular topic at the moment!  Then we heard the door again!  Kai was back!  He’d got my letter and come straight to see me.  Sometimes wish you’d not done something?
So there I am with three men I my bedroom and one of them is naked!  This fact was not lost on Kai.  So Kai proceeds to declare his undying love for me again.  He was less than tactful about Brit and Remiel so I had Mith mutter in elvish about what a brute he is!  Quite quickly Mith got bored and decided to leave but even that caused problems as I hugged Mith and I don’t hug Kai.
Kai kept on talking and talking and talking.  I tried to keep explaining that I need time and space to work out how I feel.  He can’t believe I might still have feelings for Remiel and I tried to explain that love isn’t that simple!  Jet started to explain love as he sees it which did give me some breathing space until Kai noticed I still wear my wedding ring.  To be honest I hadn’t realised I still did.  Kai asked if he could have it as he plans to replace it with a new one.  Of Kai why can’t you see you are the boy who cried wolf, crying it again?  I do want to believe you, I really do but everyone including you tells me you have said this all before! 
Jet tried to explain that I need time to get over Remiel and Kai got quite indignant and pointed out he’d waited before so he’d wait again.  He needed to leave and run some errands so I asked him if he wished a hug and he declined until such time as it means something.
So back to how this all started with one man in my bedroom, Jet.  We talked and talked of many things.  Eventually we ended up talking of trust and feelings.  He said I made him nervous and that he’s feelings towards me are confused.  He said he would need to talk to his good friend Vivian to help him understand so I suggested he did that and then speak to me again.  We also discussed his oath to Vivian to protect her if she needs as she is a cleric of Ilsare who Jet also worships.  The subject turned to Ozy and the fact he is teaching me of his culture.  I showed Jet the formal greeting Ozy showed me although it seemed to bother Jet slightly with the licking.  I was explaining why it was no inappropriate in Ozy’s culture and why.  I explained that there was no lust in the lick but respect and trust this led to a discussion on lust.  That was an interesting discussion to have with Jet!  Jet has never been in the position where he’s feelings for another have been returned.  I said that it is magical to have your lust and desire returned by another who feels the same way and deeper.  Jet hopes he will find that one day.  We talked a while longer and then he excused himself till another time.

[DMOE]

Walked into Hlint again to wait for Elladan, got bored so went to the camp fire instead.   Found Angela, Barion, Shule, Kloss and a few others there.  A trip to Dregar was being planned.  I remember that Elladan had said in his note that he had gone there so asked if I could go as I could meet up with hi there.  As we were discussing it Elladan walked up.  He had fallen on Dregar so we offered to take him back to his grave. 
We went to and caught a boat to Hurm.  I’m becoming quite the traveller but was happy to be part of a group. We wondered around Dregar, Elladan died again and so did Garnet.  Elladan hadn’t bound at Hurm for some reason but Kloss said he’d guide him to us when Elladan landed.  Barion took us to show us the rooms in the inn.  One had a pool, two beds and a pool!  Angela flirted with me quite badly.  I blushed so much.  Kloss discovered I was single and there was another who said he’d be happy to see me naked.  I think I might need to talk to Ozy some more about this interest I generate as I still don’t get it.   Especially as Kloss invited me to dinner.
Kloss arrived back with Elladan and we headed off to a cave.  It was a good trip although we took our time and tarried much.  Abi arrived towards the end which was nice so I told her Kai had been to see me.  Some of us decided to return to Mistone while the others were off to another cave!  Barion escorted Elladan, Angela, Abi and I back to Hurm where we caught the boat back to Lelion. 
We were sat chatting by the dock while Abi recovered from the voyage as she is not keen on boats and the conversation turned to my ‘suitors’.  I told the all they were being silly.  We went back to Angela and Abi’s where the conversation continued.  Abi thinks both Jet and Mith have some feelings for me and offered to ask them for me.  I told her not to.  They then spent time try to make me understand why I might attract men and it seems women.  Abi asked me if Ozy had spoken to me of this and I confided he had.  I also stupidly mentioned the fact Ozy thought I might had seduced Remiel by accident due to my personality and nature.  What a mistake that was!  Abi demanded to know what I want.  Do I still want Remeil?  When I said I think I do her and Elladan got so angry.  I tried to explain that he might be under a Geas but I don’t think they understood.  It was all getting very heated.  Thankfully there was a knock on the door and when Angela and Abi didn’t return for a while I went to see what was happening.  Ozy was outside and asked to speak with me.  Once he had me away from them he confided he had little to say bit noticed I looked tense.  Although he did tell me Aranna says hello.  I explained that I think Abi is trying to get me to pick another suitor or at least get over Remeil to the point where I can if I wish.  Ozy told me to slap Kai and call him a womaniser, that Jet was too young and out of them Mith was the best of the lot.  He seemed to be slightly pleased (well as much as Ozy ever is) that I dismissed Kloss as simple lust.  I pointed out that while I do tend to tie up lust with love it is because I wish there to be feeling when I bed someone and while it may be silly it is who I am!  He made a comment that we should return before whispers reach Kea that he is courting me.  I laughed and reminded him she would never believe it as she knows me.  He agreed as she knows he would never touch a Celestial.  I pointed out I’m not one but Ozy said that the fact I’d given birth to one was enough for him!  He also said it would be cataclysmic.  When I asked why he said because I would be heartbroken that he’s feelings for me wouldn’t change even after he had bedded me.  I had the great pleasure of informing him he was wrong!  I didn’t get chance to explain how thankfully as Brisbane appeared.  Ozy asked if I wished to join them on their travels but I declined as it was late.  I chatted with them for a little while and Brisbane gave me some good advice and Ozy told me to kick Kai in the groin.  I excused myself and returned to Angela and Abi’s to find Abi had already retired.  Elladan and I settled down to sleep on couches while Angela joined Abi.
It was nice to tell Ozy he is wrong.  He has explained enough of his culture for me to know that if he did have an interest in me it would be as a plaything or a pleasant diversion.  His people take what they want by being powerful and that is just not me.  I’ll admit that girl he first meet would have seen things as he said but having had a few culture lessons off Ozy and lessons in love of Remiel I am wiser!  Ozy taught me what these things mean to him to a very small degree so I know I would mean nothing unless I made myself mean something.  Remiel taught me that men can want you and not love you but take you just the same!  Not that I wish to become involved with Ozy.  I think that really would make my head hurt more than Kai does!  Also I value my life far too much!  Never mind not having looked at him that way ever.  There are men I have looked at the way before and some even recently but not Ozy although I do enjoy learning from him.
I wonder if I will ever work out how I feel and if I do and I don’t want Kai if I will lose someone I considered a good friend!

[DMOE]

Well there has been an interesting turn of events!  I have been told something today by someone who is close to me but asked to keep it a secret.  As I fear the knowledge could be deadly in the wrong hands I daren’t even write it here.  It makes me life more complicated in many ways but was also good to know.
I also have a new strategy regarding Remiel.  The previous choices were a) He used me and cast me aside or b) He loves me still and is doing it to protect me.  The new strategy is that it doesn’t matter which one of those it was, what matters is that he didn’t tell me.  That he didn’t have the decency to tell me why.  Not sure if it’ll work but it’s worth a try! 
Elhara brought me some arrows I ordered which helps as I am in great needed of them.  I really should start crafting more again!

[DMOE]

Well I walked into Hlint and there was no one there so I thought I’d see if the lady in Karndor had any more parcels to deliver.  She had once for Mo in Port Hampshire so off I set.
Got to Port Hampshire but couldn’t find Mo, then I ran into Abi who show me where to find him before she had to do some errands.  I headed back towards Hlint and met Angela on the way.  We got some lion skins for Abi and then carried on. 
We ran into Trysk and started chatting.  Elladan and Jet joined us shortly afterwards followed by Abi who had finished her errands.  It became obvious after a short while that Jet was uncomfortable with either the type of conversation so I said I was hungry and asked if anyone want to walk to the inn with me.  Jet volunteered but unfortunately the rest of the crew came too.  I got some food and suggest to Jet we sit at a table on our own.  I did this to stop Abi and Angela teasing him but also because someone had come over to talk to Abi and I thought she might need the space.
Jet and I had a nice talk and he said he was going to mine in Haven so he can make weapons to give to the Mistone Alliance War Effort.  I asked if he wished company and he commented that another might be nice but not a large group.  I said I could try and get away from the others and he said he would appreciate the company.  I told Angela and Elladan I was helping Jet do something for the war effort as Abi was still busy and they didn’t tease!
I returned to find Jet talking to Ayla so waited until they had finished and told Jet I was ok to go with him.  He went and waited outside while I changed into my armour.  I met Kloss outside the inn and he asked where we were going.  Jet was a little short with him and he excused himself and left.
We headed to Haven and had a good run to an iron vein.  I surprised Jet with how well I can sneak.  He said it was nice to have an archer for company and that we made a good team.  We went to the forge and then the smithy and the back to Jet’s house where we chatted.
Well it was a strange and interesting chat.  We discussed fighting, elven and human relationships, relationships and children.  I think I managed to offend him but I’m not sure how so I made my excuses and left.  After leaving I realised I still had Jet’s share of the gold from Haven so I’ve sent him a note apologising if I offended him and telling him I’ll put his gold in the bank until I see him. 
I decided to sit under a tree and think for a while.

[DMOE]

Walked towards the benches in Hlint and ran into Aries and discussed going to Port Hampshire with her but I’m afraid I only made it as far as the benches.  I ran into Trysk and Talon there.  Talon sold me some arrows which is handy and during our conversation I discovered that the bard who was spouting forth about Aranna is her foster brother so asked her to tell him to keep his mouth shut about my daughter as she is my business!  She took it rather well and said she would speak to him.  I thanked her.  Trysk had some gems he needed working and asked for my help.  Enzo arrived shortly followed by Rakan.  It was nice to laugh and joke with Enzo while Trysk fetched his gems.  Rakan asked after Aranna and did seem too confused when I tried to explain albeit briefly why she was not with me.  Trysk returned and Enzo walked with us to the craft hall.
Well I have not worked that hard in a while!  My muscles still ache even now!  There were some gems I could not do but Enzo can so it worked out well.  Trysk was kind enough to pay me coin for my help although I told him there was no need.  I eventually excused my self to go and soak in my hot pool as I know my muscles will be sore on the morrow.  I popped in the merchants to find Ozy trying different colours for his clothes.  I offered advised and tried to not smirk too much at some of the combinations he chose.  He was in a very good mood which I hadn’t experienced before but was nice.  He decided to walk me home which was also nice.  I enjoy Ozy’s company for all his strange ways.  We talked a little on the way home and I believe his happiness comes from his feelings for Brisbane and Kea and their feelings for him.  I am happy for him and told him so.  He did say something very strange to me before we parted.  He said “Your at the tip of my kinds isle.  The shore of reality.  We are more complex then greedy emotionless hedonists.  Far, far more complex.” And then he bid me good night.  I must ask him what he meant although I doubt he’ll tell me!  I went in and had a good soak in the pool thinking of things.

[DMOE]

I decided to wonder round Port Hamphire rather than Hlint for a change and dicover Enzo working the forge all wrapped up in his cloak and all.  He was sweating like mad and I could resist walking up and telling him I wear less when I smelt and find it helps although you then have to be careful of sparks.  He though about this for a short while and excused himself a moment before coming back wear considerably less and cast a spell on himself to help against the sparks.  I knew from just looking at Enzo normally and the Troll caves that he was a well toned, strong and dexterous man but sitting watching him work really brought that home to me.  I just hope he didn’t notice that I wasn’t studying the metal he was working but rather him!  When he had done I accompanied him to the Craft House and we began to talk of Dougal and things.  Once he had finished his work we found a nice quiet bench and carried on talking further.  More on Dougal, some on Aranna, Enzo told me the story of his first love and how he nearly became a vampire, my relationship with Brit, children and how I am coping with things now.  
It was really nice to chat to Enzo.  I always feel so comfortable when I am with him and he makes me laugh and smile with ease.  At least if nothing else my friendship with Enzo is a good thing to have come out of the mess with Remiel. As with all good things they come to an end and this did as Enzo gently excused himself to go and check on his men in Rilara.  I do hope I might see him again soon though.
On my way back home from Port Hampshire I met Ozy and asked him some questions that my conversation with Enzo had raised.  He answered them for me as always and while he was a mouse came up with a message from Brisbane.  I sen tit back telling her where I was and that I was with Ozy.  She arrived shortly afterwards and left Ozy and I to finish our talk. 
Brisbane and I ended up having a talk about Ozy and that I am not threat to her relationship with him.  I hope I managed to put her mind at rest for I like her.  She wished to ask how things were going with Kai and gave me some sound advice before an old friend of hers spotted us so I made my excuse and left them to it was I wished to rest and try and distract myself from my memories of Enzo in the forge!

[DMOE]

I ran into Mith on the way into Hlint and he suggested we went gem mining.  I thought this was a fine idea and just before we entered Hlint he made me invisible!  He said he this so that it wouldn’t take hours for us to leave Hlint.  Of course having said that he then went on to spend ages in the bank and shopping but there you go.
We headed off to haven where Mith explained that he would make us both invisible again and we should creep down to nearly the bottom.  It was very strange to creep so close to all the ogres and not fight them. I managed to impress Mith with my sneak much as I did Jet which was good.  I sometimes worry my skill’s are not what they should be!  The invisibility had worn off by the time we reached the bottom but with Mith and a golem we seemed to do fine and Mith was impressed with how well I use my bow.  There was a strange sign I’d not seen before saying something about a man in a silly hat so I insisted on searching everywhere and it cost us dearly. It meant Mith had to use more spells and such on the lower level and as we tried to move up through the mine I got confused and separated from Mith and then I fell.
Mith found me on the benches in Hlint and was very relieved to see me.  I told him not to blame himself but I’m not sure it worked!  I decided to return home until I felt whole again and Mith decided to keep me company.  We chatted much as we always do and it was pleasant.  Once I felt whole again we decided a trip to the benches was called for.  There were a few new people around including a druid called Hex who bit Mith in cat from which was funny and a man called Galen who I found rude.  There was also a young lady whose name escapes me. Eventually as people came and went there was just Mith, myself and Galen.  Galen then managed to raise my anger talking about Aranna and Mith leapt to my defence which was nice.  I fear it was not actually Galen’s fault so I apologised to him but I still think he is rude in the way he speaks.  I thought some time alone would do me could and went to stare into the campfire.
I have such passions and emotions swirling around inside me that I never experience before. Damn you Remiel why could you not just leave well alone?  Why did you have to have your bit of fun with me and not leave the stirring of such passions to a man who would stay around to experience them? I want to be cherished and listened to, complimented and caressed but yet that is not possible right now but it does not stop me wanting it!
After a brief time at the fire I decided to walk through Hlint and ran into Jet out side the Craft Hall so gave him the coin of his I carried.  He was off to the forge so I kept him company and watched him make Long swords for the Alliance. I seem to be spending a lot of time watching men work at the moment and if I’m honest Jet is not unpleasant to the eye either.  We chatted for a while until I realised there was an errand I need to run and Jet had to go to his house anyway so we excused ourselves and went our ways.