Diary of a curious Elf

[DMOE]

There was a knock at the door and when I answered it Jet walked in.  I wrapped my arms around him and kissed him telling him what soft lips he has before kissing him again!
We then discussed the fact that I have worked my feelings out and kissed some more!  He was as happy as I am.  God’s the future seems so full of possibility for me now!  He is a good man and he set’s my heart racing! Hmmmmm and his lips are so very soft. I could kiss them for hours!  Itwas good to talk of my feelings with him especially when he was holding me in his arms.  I hope he realises I am not an easy woman to get on with although he has the advantage over many!
God’s I am truly so happy. He is quiet and not one to show his emotions I’ll admit but he has made so much more of an effort recently and been very honest and open with me.  I must try to remember that he is a more private person than I.

[DMOE]

I ran into Jet and a friend of his in Fort Llast and asked them if they wished to head to Hampshire where I was hoping to meet up with Angela unfortunately he’s friend had errands to run so let us in Fort Hope.  I felt so nervous as we approached Hampshire.  I wasn’t quite sure who would be there and how to let them know I am now Jet’s.  Hmmmmm I like the sound of that.  Of being Jet’s.  Not in an ownership type way but in giving myself to him and only him in all ways!

We walked up to find Angela, Abi, Trysk, Barion, Gro and a few others.  Angela, Abi, Trysk and Trysk started to work it out the minute they saw us!  I slipped my hand into Jet’s and he grasped firmly.  The rest were so happy for us I could tell.  It felt so very right and good.  When he took my hand so firmly in mine my heart swelled with my love for him.  God’s I can’t help but fear slightly but I will not judge him by Brit or Remiel, it would be unfair!  
We stood discussing what to do and decided on Dregar so it was sailing to Leion to Abi and Angela’s to use the portal.

We arrived in Pranzis and started to look for a bindstone and the first place we saw was a Temple of Toran and everyone refused to enter to bind there!  We all looked and managed to find a nice neutral bindstone to use but I was so touched that my friends felt this way.  
We headed out into Dregar to go to the Silver mine.  We fought our way to Saudiria and Trysk handed me a necklace and told me it was for protection and Jet told Trysk that he could handle that.  It made me feel so special.  Not just the words but the knowledge that he meant it and meant it out of his love for me.  I am so happy.

We went into the cave and the plan that had been suggested earlier seemed to disintegrate.  I got hit by a fire and felt myself slipping away when I saw Trysk heading towards me with a potion and Jet stepping to protect us both while Trysk healed me but Jet fell doing it!  God’s that was hard.  He stepped up to keep me safe and I watched him die for it.  Trysk was so sweet and made sure I knew what Jet had done.

We carried on fighting down and all I could think about is when I could make it back to the bindstone to see Jet so imagine my surprise when he walked up to me in a corridor.  I told him he had saved me and he reminded me that he’d said he wouldn’t let me die.  God’s I felt like my heart was about to burst!  Jet said he needed to leave the mine but the others where not keen as Skarp had managed to wonder off.  Jet was sure he could make it on his own but I wasn’t about to let him!  He was so sweet and didn’t want me to risk myself, this from the man who had just died for me!  I told him would could make it together and we headed off.  It was a mad run past the ones at the entrance and then we were set upon just as we got outside!  I thought we were done for but Jet dispatched them with my support.  God’s but he does look good in battle.  There is just something about him fighting that makes me get goosebumps and tingle!

We walked to Saudiria and the rest caught up with us shortly.  Jet decided to camp by the oasis and as much as I hated to leave his side it made sense for me to return to Fort Llast.  Not everyone was doing but Trysk kind said he’d walk me home.  When we got to Port Hampshire I sent him on his way as I knew I could make it home alone from there and I bet he wished to get back to Ran!  

I slipped into the house and got ready to meditate, it came easily and my dreams were happy and filled with Jet!

[DMOE]

Well I ran into Angela and Mith at Velensk.  Mith did not look good, I was so worried.  I know it was hard on him when I picked Jet, ever so hard but after the talk and trip to Lar I hadn’t been expecting this!  He told me he’d managed to see Aranna for a short time, something to do with the plane of Mechanus and Bao'Almira.  It seemed my dark mage had decided to find my daughter for me and met the Soul Mother for his trouble!

We had a long stressful talk.  I tried to get through to him, it make him understand he would do himself more harm by denying his feelings but I’m not sure it worked!  I was open and honest, more so than even before!  I know I am being selfish in some ways but I would have gone mad over Remeil without Mith.  Yes my other friends helped also but Mith was the driving force in keeping me together.  I told him I would be there for him!  That I would help and support him if he lets me.  He reminded me that I have his heart and I told him I will keep it very safe for him!  We talked and talked for a while longer.  We then walked home and he helped me organise my chests, this seemed to sooth him although the sight of him in some of my clothes did little to sooth me!

[DMOE]

I decided to head out to Dregar to find Jet; I’m missing him so it makes sense!
I found him near to Pranizis and explained we need to be careful of Mith’s feelings, he understood.  We met a mage called Arctos and did some giant killing with him before having a look around Pranzis.  Apart for the Temple of Toran it is such a beautiful city!  We walked around hand in hand and I felt so good!

We went and looked at what houses are for sale.  Jet commented that he was sure we could afford one in time and I blushes and asked if he wishes to live with me and he said he was sure he will have decided that by the time we could afford one!

We then met Mith.   He was looking so much better, I was relieved!  Jet remembered that he needs to meet someone at the Hotel, something to do with the Tyde thing I’m sure!  He gently took his leave and head off.

Mith and I walked and talked and ran into Ozy.  He gave me a message from Aranna about Mith’s trip to the Plane and suggested that it wasn’t repeated.  I chatted with Ozy a while longer and then he left.  I wondered off to look at something and when I found Jet and Mith talking.  We decided to get to the inn and sit and talk.  It was a little strained but everyone seemed to cope and eventually Jet and I decided to retire for the night.

I was nervous about sharing a room with him for the first time and excited too.  I know he is not one to move quickly and I respect that but I do desire him rather a lot too!

We got into the room and Jet took off his armour and I had to explain I don’t tend to wear anything under mine and not having expected to stop over hadn't brought anything to wear instead, not that I sleep in anything anyway!  He told me if that was how I was comfortab  He was so sweet when I was getting out of my armour and tried very hard not to look at me.  I could resists tell him that he would have to look one dayle it was fine by him!  I bet it was too.  We both slipped into bed and said our goodnights.  He then slipped an arm around me and fell asleep holding me close.  I lay just enjoying him holding me for a while before I meditated.  I never thought I’d be happy like this again and for all he is a quiet man his actions speak volumes to me!

[DMOE]

I ran into Abi, Angela, Mith, Thais and a few others in Hlint.  We all had a nice chat although I’m still not keen on Thais she was nice and asked me how I am faring.  Then we baited a Toran paladin well basically because we can!  Angela got bored first and left but Abi, Mith and I stuck it out for a while longer!

We decided to head off to Dregar which I’ll be honest I was happy to do in case I ran into Jet again.  It had been hard to leave his arms before but we can not spend all our time together and it was nice to spend time with Abi, Angela and Mith too.

Off we set adventuring and I fell as did Mith.  We joined the other too and visited our graves so all was well.  Then it was time to move onwards towards the desert!

We were fighting our way in when Abi fell!  I’d tried to heal her but was not fast enough.  Angela sat and cradled her body.  I was about to try and explain that it was just a shell now and her spirit would already be at the Bindstone when I felt a sharp pain in my back and realised that I was back at the Bindstone with Abi.

We began to walk through Pranzis together to find Angela and Mith when I saw Jet.  I was happy and concerned all at the same time.  Happy that Jet was there and concerned that he would be upset at me for falling. So there are five of us are in Pranzis.  

Jet was obviously upset to see me in that state and somewhere along the line things got said.  A huge argument then broke out between me, Jet, Angela and Abi.  It was horrible.  I was trying to get Jet to explain what he’d meant but no one seemed to care, apart from Mith strangely enough!  Eventually Jet and Abi really had a go at each other.  I just walked away.
I give up!  Why is it I can never seem to have life easy?  I find Jet, realise how I feel about him and my friends don’t like him!  Well I can’t live my life for them!  Eventually Jet walked up and told me he was going back to Pranzis and I could go with him or my friends.  Well that hurt!  I tried to spend sometime explaining why the girls had reacted the way they did although I’m not sure I managed it.  Eventually the girls walked past us and we carried on talking some more.  Jet told me he loved me which was lovely and we returned to the Hotel in Pranzis and fell asleep in each others arms but I couldn’t help feeling it was just the beginning!

I wonder if I will have to choose Jet over my friends.  I don’t wish too but I want to be happy and God’s this man makes me happy!

[DMOE]

I had a terrible talk with Angela and Abi to start with today.  We talked of what happened with Jet and how Abi can not stand to be near him.  Abi was angry for Mith too.  God’s I don’t know what they want from me.  I thought at one point they were going to ask me to choose but tit didn’t come to that.  Abi has said she will try and do her best with Jet but that just involves not fighting him really.  I said I’d talk to Jet about doing the same.  The good thing to come out of is that by the time we’d done it had actually strengthened our friendship.  I’ve never had a sister but if I had I’m sure I’d feel about her as I do these two women!  Eventually they need to leave and feeling drained I stayed a while.  I suddenly realised Mith was there and we sat and talked.

He told me the girls have to get used to the fact I have made a choice and if it is what makes me happy then they should cope with it!  I apologised for any hurt I may have caused him and he told me not to worry as he respected my choice and knows what it means.  That there will be times I pick Jet over everyone else and that it needs to be that way too.  He said he also knows I will be there for him if he calls on me which meant a lot!

[DMOE]

I’ve just realised how much time has passed since I wrote in my diary, so much has happened.  I need to find the time more often to write again!

Jet
Mmmmmm.  Our relationship goes from strength to strength.  He is not the most demonstrative of partners but he does show his love in little ways, always taking my hand firmly if I slip mine in his, kisses and such.  We finally made love and it was wonderful!  I did not think I would feel such passion again but I was wrong!  We have out ups and downs as any couple does but he spends his nights with me in Fort Llast and that makes me very happy!  Now it is just a matter of time and seeing where the wind takes us.  I know he has his training and Tyde to deal with but he is living and enjoying life with me so maybe once Tyde is dealt with we can make more plans.  We’d both like a house in Pranzis but it will take time to save!
I love his smile, I love the way his arms feel around me, I love his touch, and I love the things he says to me when we are alone.  I even love how he worries about me not that I’d ever admit it!  It is nice to explore with him and he is a fine warrior.  

Mith
Well it was hard but we seemed to have found our balance again!  I hope it is an honest balance and not just a front he puts on!  We have had some good times and I hope they continue.  Mith thinks I can learn magic and is setting about teaching me.  He has given me a spell book and some scrolls to study and try to copy.  I can sort of read them and I do try to study!

Abi and Angela
Well it is hard in some ways.  It often feels as if Jet is and invisible force between us even if he is not there but other times we are just sisters.  We have been adventuring more and it has been good!

Brisbane
I’ve been spending time with Brisbane on and off and I really do like and respect this woman.  She is fast becoming a firm friend!

Generally
Well I’ve been spending more time on Dregar for a while where I kept falling but enjoyed the adventure none the less.  Seem to be back to Mistone more now!

I’m sure I’ve missed lots but………..

[DMOE]

I saw Remiel today in Hlint.  We walked into each other so had to speak.  He asked how I was and I him.  It was a very strange conversation.  He told me he cares and that threw me slightly but I will pay it no mind!  He didn’t want me and I am over him!

I went to the Dragon Isles later with Abi, Angela, Elladan, Thais, Amarath and Barion.  There were mushrooms spores and they confused me.  I killed Thais by accident in my confusion.  I was so shocked.  I worry that it is my dislike of Thais which made it easier for the spell to work.  I’ve killed people before but normally because they are trying to kill me.  I had to leave especially as Amarath did not take it well and I would have argued with him.  Elladan kindly took me home.  I lay on the bed until Jet came in.  He held me in his arms while I told him of my day and he comforted me.  For a man who does not talk much the words he chose were exactly the right ones!  I cried when he was sleeping and could not rest.

[DMOE]

I still could not shake the feeling that it is somehow my fault about Thais.  I know it was the mushroom truly but deep down I know I dislike her also.  I spoke to Mith and Abi of it and they helped.  Mith gave me some herbs to help me meditate and to be honest I left them all and went to rest.  I felt much better for it!

When I had finished resting I seemed to awake to all sorts of visitors.  Talon dropped by with a delivery.  Elladan returned from somewhere having fallen for me to discover it was the Dragon Isles.  Jet arrived home from somewhere and then Angela & Abi arrived.  They wanted to take Elaldan back to where he fell but I was not keen on returning.  What happened if the mushrooms affected me again and I killed one of them.  Jet was sweet and just pointed out he wears plate and he would keep me safe anyway.  He could always pick me up and carry me off if I was confused and trying to hurt someone I cared for!  Angela and Abi just seemed to make jokes about it as if they didn’t realise it upset me.  I was not keen on going back but for Elladan…..

We got to Velensk and ran into an old room mate of Abi’s.  Angela and Abi were still making quite mean jokes and I was not happy!  Jet noticed this and decided we were leaving.  I doubt this pleased the girls but I did not care!  On our way home I thanked him and he simply said that I had not seemed comfortable and he would not have me be uncomfortable.  Gods I love him.  We soaked in the pool and he rubbed my shoulders before bed.   A night in his arms is always good for what ails me!

[DMOE]

It has been a long while since I have written here; my life has been changing….

I live with Jet now; our relationship goes from strength to strength.  I could write pages and pages on how happy he makes me, how good our relationship, my hopes for the future and how much I love him, but I won’t although I will say that marriage and children does now factor as being possible in our future.

Elladan has moved to Jet’s also as I am hoping to sell the Fort Llast house.  He too has found love with the Lady Brisbane who is also a friend of mine.

I have become a friend to Rolf also.  He is a good man and has always been kind enough to help me with advice even as far back as my relationship with Brit but now I often help him gather for his crafting and enjoy the chats we have.

I met a Cleric of Ilsare called Vestlyn.  That has been an interesting friendship as he developed feelings for me and seemed to have problems coping with them.  I am worried about him though for I have not seen him for a long time.

Mith has little time for me now and is becoming more distant.  It was to be expected I suppose but it still pains me.  I know he has his own path to walk and that his feelings for me won’t help him on that.  It is selfish of me to expect us to continue being as close as we once were but I do some miss talking with him or just going for a walk.

Enzo and I are good friends too.  I sometimes help him gather and often watch him cook.  I find it relaxing and sometimes there is even pie!

Abi and Angela still go from strength to strength in their relationship and although we don’t always have much time to adventure together I know should I need them, they will be there for me.

I have seen more of Aranna while helping Ozy defeat a Shadow Demon although that story is for another entry I think, it do it justice.

I continue to make new friends around Hlint.  Addison, Tori, and many others.

I also starting to be employed by people for my ‘scouting’ talents.  Xiao and Cole being two who have employed me recently.

Well there is much more I could write but a hot bath and bed are calling so I will leave it all for another time….

[DMOE]

Helping Ozy…..
   It started with a vision, shown to me by my daughter, a shadow figure she can not scry, creeping across the roof of a tower, a ring burning brightly on his hand.  It was for Ozy to solve or so my little girl told me.  I made sure I told him and he asked me to find the tower.  That was nice and simple as it was Morkens and one day I ended up there with Ozy as he spoke to Morken.  It seems there once was a planer portal which was controled with a ring.  The portal was too powerful and was destroyed but of course there was the ring, and the plans…..
   Morken had the plans and the Djin had the plans but a shadow demon had stolen the ring from Morken’ds hand as he slept and we fear for the plans…
   I called Aranna for aid and she gave me a ring to wear which would help guide us to the Djin of Fire.  Off Ozy and I set, travelling far and wide, chatting as we went of life and love until the ring showed me way and we were in the kingdom of the Djin of fire.  He assured us that he had his piece of the plan in a safe place and I knew it had been stolen.  I bite my tongue, letting Ozy’s sliver one charm the Djin for we needed his help, not to perish due to my smart comments, eventually the Djin told us of his sister, the Djin of air and where to find her that we may see if hers too had been stolen and gave us the box that had held his piece.  I managed to open he box for Ozy and he found a note to the Fire Djin that he had obviously never read from his sister the Djin of water about the shadow demon and her concerns.  We though that the Air Djin might be somewhere near North Point on Dregar so off we went to look around and investigate.  We went to the inn and discovered that the Shadow demon had been in, bragging of his conquest over a lady. We knew that we were on the right track.  We investigated further and decided we may need more help for this one.  Ozy sent a call out to his allies.  I knew this may involve Remiel and it may involve me travelling with him for many days.  I am just glad that I had chance to speak of it to Jet before we all met again.
   A group of us meet in Willows Weep to try and reach the Air Djin..Tak, Rhizome, Alantha, Jet, me and of course Ozy (my memory may be hazy there could others) and off we set.  Again it was not easy, Jet fell but thankfully Tak raised him.  Eventually we came across the Lady Air Djin, once again Ozy worked his charm.  She gave us rings to show the other Djin, told us the location of her sister the Djin of water and offered us aid when the time came.  Off we set again to find the third Djin, battling once again until we reached her.  Thankfully the ring we had been given saved us and once again Ozy’s charm worked.  The location of the last Djin and help when the time was right.  Finally the last Djin, earth.  Again another battle but this time the Djin was injured…seriously.  Thankfully Rhizome tapped into the earth and helped him.  Again help offered. Now all we needed was to face the demon himself.  Aranna gave us a clue how to defeat him…I suspected from her clues that we would have to look at the darkness in ourselves.  This sacred me as my hate for Remiel is the only darkness I can think of and if I could get past that I would have done already.
   The time came and our group set off once again…
   Enzo, Plen, Rhizome, Alantha, me, Ozy (again, maybe more) headed for the abyss…the demon’s home.  We fought out way to the portal and then through the Abyss, it’s a terrible place…that is all I can really say. We reached his hide out and the Djin awaited us.  We spoke to them a while and all of a sudden the Djin of air swooped down say I was too young to fight this battle and dumped me in Arabel.  The rest fought on and I was right, they did need to face the darkness inside themselves, in fact you could almost say the shadow demon was Ozy’s darkness…..

[DMOE]

Friends….

Rolf

We enjoy each others company, have an easy way with each and compliment each other in a fight.

Cole

What started off as a ‘business’ has become a friendship.  I love his straight forward way.  There seem to be no secrets with Cole, oh I’m sure he has his own secrets but he says what he thinks with me.

Mith

I still have yet to see him to spend time with, I hope this will change soon

Family…

Jet

He is my love, we have our ups and downs but they are minor.

Elladan

His relationship goes from strength to strength with Brisbane and he is the happiest I have seen him in a long time.

Brisbane

She always seems to known what ails my spirit and the best way to deal with it, I am so happy she has found happiness with my brother.

[DMOE]

Once again it has been too long…  
    I became involved in a job to deliver some packages, it went badly, we are still in the process of trying to sort that out….  
    The Lighthouse in Hampshire was failing, I was lucky enough to help fix it with a group of others.  
    Brisbane’s Mother was dying and called for her.  Some of us went with here including her Father Rhizome.  It turned out there was a ritual that turned the Swamp of Reawakening into what it is…Brisbane of course wished to correct this.  I was honoured to aid her in this, truly.  I’m not sure what help I was other than simply to support her but she did such a good job of working everything out I am so proud of her.  She managed to change part of the swamp through the ritual, life has returned to it once more.  She planted trees and bushes to thank all those who helped…Mine is a cherry tree.  Bris is now High Druid of Talimar and she is so worthy of this task.  
    I have travelled to the T’oleflor lands with many others and saw the Silver vein be handed to Rhizome.  He will become the new Hierophant.  I argued with Michaelis afterwards but we spoke a few days later and I was surprised by him.  
    Friends…..  
    Rhizome  
    He is an interesting man but I am not sure what to make of him.  He has offered me friendship and has listened to me when I have needed it  
    Mith  
    Well he could have hurt me more with words but it would have taken effort.  I don’t know what is happening here.  
    Geir  
    We talk from time to time.  I enjoy his company.  
    Family  
    Jet  
    He supports me so in some ways and we argue so in others.  I know I cause it also.  I hope our love is strong enough.  I wish children now and he doesn’t, I’m not sure he trusts me….without trust, there is nothing.  
    Brisbane and Elladan  
  They have a child! A daughter, I am so happy for them!!  They go from strength to strength still.

[DMOE]

Well it started with a trip to the Rift…One I will never forget.  I fell and was raised by a strange Halfling who told me we were marked to ‘feed’ him.  I returned to the group who seemed to be arguing about what they had actually seen when I heard the Halflings voice in my head, he spoke to inspire fear, it worked.  I think many in the group doubted me, I cared not….

It seemed some of the group managed to aggravate the Halfling and an elemental appeared, killing me and others…Eventually people saw sense and we left.

Upon returning home I spoke at length to Jet….It is obvious that our feelings are changing.  I love him dearly but I wonder if we are in love with each other any more…Our goals, our desires are different, we hardly spend anytime together, he supports me still and I him but there is a change in us…We will talk some more I am sure.

I seem to be helping Toranites left right and centre.  I met and spoke to for many hours a Paladin by the name of Geldar.  He is fresh out of training and full of Toran’s fire.  I spoke of the fallen Toranite and how the world holds many dangers for all, including the faithful, it seemed to make him realise what stands in front of him and almost deepen his faith…I do not claim to understand.  I also met Dulan, a cleric of Toran…He was judging someone purely on his appearance, I explained to him we should judge by actions not appearance, he seemed to understand this and even taken it to heart….I, one a Coranthite Cleric called Toran’s bane trying to guide a Toranite, enough to make any laugh but if it helps then it is all for the better….We must work together to defeat Blood....

The Halfling attacked again, I can think of no other word for it.  I was not alone in this…He attacked Angela, Matilda and Acacea also.  He made me fear he would take Jet from me, well with the things I suspect about Jet and I already, it was an effective threat, I fell apart…I hope we can solve this soon, for the sakes of all.

I have a new friend, AnnaLee.  It’s strange really; she is a bard, an innocent thing in may ways.  Remiel seems quite taken with her, so I was kind of surprised she would have anything to do with me but it seems he has not a bad word to say of me…None to say to me either but that is hardly a surprise.  She is trying to help me deal with the Halfling, it is kind of her…

[DMOE]

Jet…..

A quiet, tall, strong handsome man…

In fact the last type of man I ever expected to be attracted to never mind love…..

But yet we sat and talked, long and often.  I would often joke that you would talk only to me for you would hardly say a word when we were out in the world.

You showed me an honest and true love and in time I returned it.

Looking back now I can see the many differences which we tried to over come….and we did over come for a time….a very, very happy time on the whole and a part of my life I would never change.

I feel we drift apart as lovers but closer as friends…A true friendship borne out of knowledge and understanding.

I just hope that if we are to truly end as lovers…and I think we are that we always manage to retain the deep respect, caring and understanding we have for each other….

[DMOE]

The Rift again, I fell again, this time the bindstone brought me back.….

Ael asked to speak to me afterwards as there was bad blood between us he wished to clear.  AnnaLee decided to explore a little while we chatted.  Ael and I had a good discussion.  He apologised and I accept, AnnaLee returned and then it happened…

The Halfling again, this time he attacked Ael.  I tried to help him, to tell him it was lies and the Halfling turned his attention to me.  He told me he had Aranna, I would not believe it.  He killed me, I don’t know how, and then suddenly I was back.  Sahala appeared, I’m not sure how.    She had been in the void and had heard Aranna as well as the Halfling speak.  I still doubted.

A few days later I was in Hlint speaking to AnnaLee after I had overheard Kea warn Ozy that Aranna truly was in danger and that the first horse was free…..The Halfling attacked again.  He showed me a vision of Aranna bound with her wings clipped….Then he attacked AnnaLee….He told me to touch her or he would, I fear it a trick and wouldn’t….He killed her, but then brought her back……Next I felt a pain like he was tearing himself from my mind and the words in my head “You are Fear’s rider Lady Ireth, bear your burden well” I thought little of it right then, worrying more for Lee when a black horse appeared and…well….walked into me.  Gods I felt fear, almost constant Fear…It was wearing…

More information was discovered by many…The Halfling was in fact Elezandor, true guardian of Pandemonium, he had been bound by Kora and he had 5 horses…

Fear is already abroad in the land, I am his rider….I feel almost constant fear unless by dark beauty is with me…

Who the other riders will be only time will tell…What will need to be done will only become known in time also.

Oh and it seems Ozy has decided that I was picked to ride Fear because I am weak willed and gullible…..He was spouting forth such in Hlint but Elladan was there and as always defended my honour…Reminding Ozy I faced Dougal without fear….Ozy of course tried to say I had in fact cowered in fear before Dougal but Elladan called him a liar to his face and Ozy departed.

I know not why Ozy felt the need to say such things about me…Nor do I truly care his reasons…Obviously I am no longer useful to him…

[DMOE]

More riders have been picked…..

Lee rides Denial…

I’m not sure exactly what happened but I feel for her greatly but she has Remiel to support her at least.  Let us hope it is as he claims, simply as a friend as she is vulnerable right now.

I spoke to Geldar at length….about the fact I think Jet and I are ending, about the horses, about my life…well only a little about my life.  He is a good listener and his advice is helpful.  

Mith….Broken promises…Is there much more to say?  The one who has been the main stay in my life is now the main stay in an others and it seems he is unable to do anything other than concentrate on one so I get the promises, the talks of how he will always be there for me and how I must not shut him out while his actions abandon me.  I have not told him of Jet and the problems.  Maybe he is moving on finally and as much as it will pain me to lose one of my closest friends I will not throw oil on the water so to speak but the trust is failing…It has too, I can’t keep listen to him and then have him leave me high and dry when I need him…I will act as if he has already gone and maybe it will hurt less.  I though I had my friend back after his absence of many years, seem the gods were just teasing me really.

I still feel the fear, it is constant…I try not to talk about it much….

Lee is interacting with Denial….Maybe I should try it with Fear….of course that is a hard choice to make….because I’m so afraid!

I try to find out more information, I try to help…Not sure I am…

More Riders have been picked…Rhynn rides Anger…..Dorena rides Defiance.

Aranna is still held….I have contacted Michaelis for his help.  He is speaking to the Church on my behalf.  He has been really supportive, well as supportive as he can through letters.

I also contact Rhizome in case Maurelle has any news of Aranna or can get us to Celestia as if we get there we can check if Aranna is truly held and what is happening to the plane.

Jet and I are over…..We finally admitted it to each other.  I am sad but I understand it is what is best for both of us…He is going to clear the training room so I may have my own bedroom as he does not wish for me to move.  Nor does he wish his pendant back…He is going to set it in the pommel of my rapier…I will move the pommel from sword to sword so I may have a constant reminder of our friendship.

Sometimes I feel so alone with this fear…

[DMOE]

Friends…

Mith

Well……It hurts….Not that he has found someone, that actually makes me happy…but that he does not keep his word to me or even seem to realise I exist anymore…That he tells me he is there for him and I must not shut him out yet he fails to notice how badly this is effecting me…I suppose I’m just being selfish…I need to forget about his words to me and just let him concentrate on this chance he has.

Michaelis

Still works with me…Supporting me through his letters.

Lee

We seem to be forming a friendship although I am not sure.

Geldar

He always seeks me out if he sees me in Hlint, even if it is for a few simple words as he is off somewhere. He takes the time to ask me how I am. He is a sweet gentle man which a quiet dedication to Toran.

[DMOE]

I’ve had an idea….Maybe as Fear is bound to me I should bind back to Fear….I found a quiet spot and focused my will on the bond between, try to strengthen it.

It worked! But there is a price…Presently I feel an almost constant but most manageable fear…When I reach out for Fear and feel him then all fear is gone from me, I am as I was before the bond…If I reach out and do not feel him…Well the fear I feel is almost unmanageable.  It’s a price I am will to pay for functioning normally some of the time.  It take a lot of energy, emotional energy to do this…I feel myself sort of disconnecting from those around me.  As if I only have the energy for Fear.

Elladan is the only one who knows what I am trying and while he is worried he is supporting me.  I don’t lie to the others, just dodge their questions.  They obviously have realised that something is going on.

I think Geldar might have guessed a little of it…He came across me in Hlint when I was in the grips of not being able to feel Fear and sat with me and kept me company for a while, until another asked him for his help.  It is part of his code to help others and while I could see he wished to help me I told him that I was fine and he should go.

Ael came and found me one day and we had a very good chat.  Sahala seems to be missing.  While I really am not fussed with her I could see Ael’s pain and worry and felt for him.  I hope she returns to him soon.

I tried something one day…I tried to get to Celestia…I had a plan and I think it worked.  It drew Lee and Rhynn too me and we all went…We saw Aranna in Pandemonium and then we were in Celestia where Lake Tarn looks to be poisoned.  I did this because I had feared Aranna killed by Kora.  

Rhizome has spoken to some of the Riders and those helping us, he gave them news of Aranna…..I was glad for the news but a little surprised also.  I had both written and contacted him via plants as he once told me and heard nothing.

More and more information is gathered from different places…Both Lee and Rhynn are doing a very good job of that.  I don’t feel I do anything…

Michaelis has put a guard on the cave with the portal in Rodlem to stop people’s greed aggravating Kora further.  Amazing really that this man I once could not stand to speak to has become not only an ally but a friend….That while others who have claimed friendship with me for maybe 10 years now ignore me and do not even realise my pain, he does.  He works hard ‘behind the scenes’ to aid me and his letters are always so thoughtfully written.  Such an irony that right now the two people other than Elladan providing me with support are both Toranites.

I will continue to try and understand all the threads of this to see if we can weave the tapestry needed to free Elenador and Aranna…  

[DMOE]

So much has happened….So long since I’ve written….

Bris called for help to find Dzeneb’s phylactery and many answered her called…We were successful in the end but it took both great muscle and wits to find it.

The horses….Well various clues to various people and eventually it was worked out.  Kora was the granddaughter of Tik and Elezandor.  We found an amulet they had given her that allowed her to move to the plane of Pandemonium and Celestia.  It was realised we could use this to bind her.  We travelled to Pandemonium….Many friends answered my call to help.  I felt truly honoured to have these people at my side.  The ritual to bind Kora to the amulet was completed and we fought our way to where she was holding Aranna and Elezandor.  The horses passed back to Elezandor strengthening him but Kora killed Aranna before my eyes.  I was broken until Elezandor lifted Aranna up and we realised we were in Celestia.  He bathed her in the lake and suddenly Tik appeared, well a younger version of her and Aranna was stood their, without wings and a teenager.  It seems that Aranna had carried Tik’s soul inside her.  I didn’t claim to understand.  I just knew I had my daughter back and could get to know her again!

Relationships….

Geldar

Well he had been a tower of strength to me, especially when I could not feel my connection to Fear.  I didn’t realise how I felt for him until I had a vision, he saw it too and we now know it was showing us that Aranna carried Tik’s soul but at the time we did not understand.  I collapsed after it and when I came round he was kneeling over me praying.  He was so happy I was alive as he had feared me dead.  We stood looking at each other, discussing things but there was something in the air still and I found myself leaning forward and brushing his lips with mine.  Oh time seemed to stand still after that…He just looked at me for what felt like forever…I nearly ran, instead I apologised…It was as if my words had broken a spell and he kissed me, with such passion!  We went and talked.  He admitted he had been growing closer to me.  I explained I was afraid my feelings were not quite my own due to my bond with Fear…He told me he understood and that he was here for me.  He promised me that he was mine until I wanted him no longer.

We spent hours talking and cuddling.  We spoke of many, many things…His code, my life…Just quietly getting to know each other more and when I returned from Pandemonium, knowing the connection to Fear was broken he asked me if I still wanted him.  The look of joy on his face when I told yes, I loved him made my heart leap.  He again, promised me he was mine and only mine for as long as I want him.  I smiled and promised him the same.  We continued to get to know each other and just spend time with each other.

Michaelis

Our friendship is deepening.  I call him ‘Uncle Mic’ to tease him as he made a life oath to protect Aranna.  I remind him he is family now!  He was worried he would not be able to protect her and save her from Kora with me but I think I managed to help him understand he will be able to do what is needed.  It was strange to be supporting him in this way but he really has earnt my respect and I respect him.  I even follow his leadership but then I have a better understanding of the need for leadership than I ever have and Mic is a very good leader.

Mith

This are strained but we are still friends.

Lee

Our friendship moves from strength to strength.