Jil's Journal

[Jilseponie Wyndon]

Dear Journal,

   I know I have not written here in some time since arriving in Hlint, but things seem to be a bit fast paced and yet . . . quiet.  This new land I have arrived on is so much different from, well, back home.  Home.  A person can have many, yet none.  I hope that this new place will provide what I need or should I say, looking for.

   Upon my arrival races of all types were so willing to help me in any way possible.  They were polite, kind, giving, not like, well, before.  What skills I brought with me, rangering, roguish abilities,  and a bit of wizardry are somewhat useful, but this place, this land, there is an honesty to it.  It is something I could definitely get used to.  But the roguish part of me is from another time and definitely not for this place.  But at first I felt so out of place and yet I still do at times.  When I walk with others, I walk behind, letting them talk, work, and barter with others.  I do not really have any skills to offer them.  I am still weak from my previous ordeals and lonely.

   When I travel with others to help those in dire need against the many forms of evil that pervade the land, I find myself at the rear of the battle.  How it hurts to hide behind these noble fighters only to hurl arrows at the beasts, and see how little that helps!  I ache to be my former self, but I lack the strength and constitution to hold my own in battle.  Gods but I feel so helpless!  If there could be another way . . .

   One young paladin offered his help on many an occasion.  Kharl, I believe is a follower of Toran?  I am still not familiar with their gods here.  But as time went on, he had others to help and he grew distant from me, rarely speaking unless in someone else

[Jilseponie Wyndon]

Dear Journal,

   Daren and I went with a group into Storan

[Jilseponie Wyndon]

Dear Journal,

   Daren and I went with a group into Storan

[Jilseponie Wyndon]

Dear Journal,
   Glory be to the Gods!  Today was just unbelievable!  Daren and I went out collecting today and as we did, of course the evil creatures that abound in this part of the world thought we were easy prey!  Oh, to fight side by side with that man!  Pure exhilaration!  How he can be so rough and battle hungry at on moment, then so caring and sweet just after, amazes me.  But that I digress.  Daren knew that I was tiring and soon to turn in for the evening when he asked me to follow him.  No explanation, no talk, so I followed him and we ended up at the Wild Surge Inn.  There he had gotten a prepared basket and told me to still follow.  That was all that was said, nothing more.  I wondered, what was up, why was he so quiet.   From there we went to a little place I stay at and we sat down to a basket dinner and some wine!  Oh, I was so surprised!  And we sat there and talked quietly with no interruptions.  It was beautiful.  Then he did something I was not expecting so soon.  Daren got down on one knee and proposed to ME!  I couldn’t speak I was so filled with joy and happiness!  Tears of joy ran down my cheeks! I think I made him a bit nervous I took so long to answer him.  Nevertheless, when I found my voice my answer lifted the anxiety from his face replacing it with such happiness to match mine!  Oh, and what a beautiful ring he gave me too!  I do not know exactly what made him propose so soon.  Maybe it was the dress that Vivian made for me.  It is so beautiful!  I think I may have been too fussy about different changes, but Vivian “bit her lips” I guess, and did not complain a bit.  When I showed Daren the dress, he seemed speechless . . .
   With Daren’s proposal, my past difficulties seem much diminished, but on the edge, I think.  It is your past experiences that make the person.  They will always be a part of me and now Daren will fill a great void within me.  I am so happy!
    I am so excited I don’t know what more to say.  So I leave you journal with this thought that runs through my mind.  Mrs. Jilseponie Valhikor . . .. Mmmmm .

[Jilseponie Wyndon]

Dear Journal,
   Things are working out well for the most part I must say.  Daren and I have finally set a date to be married!  A nice gentleman by the name of Quin offered us a room in his house.  It seems all the housing has been taken up locally, so we took him up on his offer.  We spoke with Ayla and she agreed to perform the ceremony.  Yes!  The date will be on the first World Tree during Autums Dark.  I will have to post a notice so as to let all our friends know being that Daren is still working on his writing skills.  He is coming along so well with his lessons.  
   One other point of interest.  I was in at the Inn there in Krandor getting a meal when I overheard two people speaking about someone who was very adept with his bow using the arcane.  They said that when he fired an arrow into a group of ogres a fireball erupted from it.  When I got up the courage to go over and ask them about it, they had finished their meal and vanished.  This is something I will have to look into.
   I have tried crafting my own arrows as to purchase nice ones are quite expensive.  Alas I’m not doing very well at it.  Daren says to keep at it and eventually I will get better at it.  I don’t know . . . .. It just seems so hard.  But I will try my best at it.  Until later then Dear Journal . . . .

[Jilseponie Wyndon]

Dear Journal,
   Yesterday was a harrowing day.  I seem to be getting better at making arrows.  I’m having trouble with the smelting, but its working out.  The arrows are better than the ones the merchants sell, but not by much.  Daren and I met Yard near the Hlint temple.  Yard gave me a couple scrolls and he asked how my arcane schooling was coming along.  I answered him and in turn asked if he had heard about arcane archers.  He knew little but said I should inquire possibly in Spellgard.  When Daren finished with his potions, Daren, Yard and I decided on a little adventure in the Battle Fens,  (Well the men did).  I knew little of this area, but the men seemed confident.  We were able to sneak by the troops of Lizard folk until we reached trolls.  Apparently there is a cave in the area that we were to go into, but we never made it that far.  Daren and Yard strode forward and engaged the trolls, but the trolls refused to go down and they were finding their way through the men’s defenses.  My arrows did so little damage if any!  We began to retreat, the trolls pressing hard.  Suddenly they were overrunning us!  I backed away as quick as I could. Daren and Yard fell.  I retreated trying to get time to protect myself, to hide.  But a troop of the Lizard Folk archers spied me and the arrows rained in . . . .and darkness.  
   Afterwards, we knew it would be a long time before we would be completely whole again unless we were able to go back to where we had passed.  I entreated Kaiser Thell to assist us in this endeavor and he agreed.  The man is a war machine, pushing his way through any obstacle letting nothing stop him.  We thanked him well when he left us, as we were whole once again, but it left me with disconcerting thoughts about my abilities.  I must go to Spellgard.  I must find answers somewhere . . ..

[Jilseponie Wyndon]

Dear Journal,
   If yesterday did not prove anything to me, nothing will.  I write this today feeling a little insubstantial, my body feeling quite weak in so many ways.  I sit here in my room reflecting on my passing, and how I came to be in this condition.  And it all started so beautifully too . . . .
   When I met up with Daren yesterday things appeared to be going so well.  We were discussing the many things that needed to be done before our wedding in 19 days. I finally received a letter from Luna who accepted my invitation as one of the bridesmaids.  I also wanted to ask Dorena if she would be my Maid of Honor but  I have been unable to find her of late.  I would like to ask two others to be bridesmaids, but alas, I have not many females who really speak to me, nor acknowledge my presence, so I am at a loss.  I realize that I am not much of a social person, I feel as if I am intruding upon their business, so I wait until someone speaks to me first.  Therefore, in that sense . . . I put myself in that position.  Now as I travel with Daren, he has so many friends, I usually stand back and listen to the conversations.  When we walk up to those standing about, they all acknowledge him in one way or another, my presence feels as though I am invisible.  Yes, it is a lonely feeling, as if I am being slighted, and it does bother me.  But it does offer one very small advantage.  I watch and see what the others say and do.  Gauge their reactions and comments, which gives me insight into their character.  I apologize Journal if I seem to ramble on . . . my emotions are going in all directions.
   Anyways, we headed into Hlint, took care of business and decided to do a little adventuring into the High Forest.  North of Lake Ibenaine we encountered the Kenku and they put up a tremendous fight.  They were everywhere around us, going invisible, and attacking from every corner.  But we prevailed.  It was exhilarating! We then passed into the rolling plains west of there and a griffon attacked us.  It swooped down over me, but Daren and I were able to fend it off.  Then we stepped into the High Forest.  I was able to stealth my way inside and just a short ways in I spotted 3 orcs.  I asked what Daren thought we should do.  Pass them by or try to take them by surprise?  He responded whatever I wanted to do.  We took them by surprise and were able to disable them.  Daren did most of the work as my skills were quite lacking.  We continued past some ruins and we saw another 3 orcs.  I asked again, pass or remove them.  He said whatever you wish.  I decided to attempt their removal.  Passing travelers would be at their mercy.  And we attempted.  My arrows, my sword were both ineffective.  All three trained their crossbows at me with bolts tainted with poison.  They came at me with their cruel weapons.  I retreated to the forest wall, fighting them off, and two of them followed.  I was put down, but stabilizing just waiting for them to move off enough so I could sneak away.  But Daren wasn’t so lucky.  He ran past me with his dying vestiges of strength and partially healed me as the two orcs turned to him.  As I rose from the ground, they whirled around and in a great slashing strike . . . smote me down.  I lay there, my eyes glued open watching Daren’s fall also before my eyes.  I could not even close my eyes as he fell.  Slowly it seemed, my mind screaming, Noooo!  And then he passed, and time passed. Time moves slow as your spirit hovers over it’s still warm corpse.  Then I could see Daren’s insubstantial form.  He was coming for me!  I willed my spirit back to my prone form and watched as he began to cut his way towards me.  Then as I watched, the orcs began to overwhelm him, his summoned help blown away by a brown bear coming to investigate the noise in its home wood.   I watched in creeping then overwhelming horror as he was struck down yet again.  My spirit screamed as it tore from my dead limbs, rising up into the world in-between where it is decided if you are to continue or be allowed to return.  Memories from my past blending with memories of now.  Pain … everywhere … an eternal ethereal scream tears from my soul ... blackness.
   When light began to coalesce around me, I was back in Hlint.  Daren’s stooped form of defeat stood beside me.  Anger at myself, then sadness crept into me as I looked at his form knowing that this. . This was from my choices.  I did this to him.  I . . . diminished him.  And my heart broke.
   The walk back to my room was mostly quiet.  It was as if I could feel his pain and embarrassment flow off him as I followed him.  Later he tried to comfort me.  I know that his faith in me for that decision was lessened, though he may disagree.  He tries so to spare my feelings.  I let him cheer me up somewhat, but then after he left, I slipped back and watched my memories play that fateful battle over and over . . .
   So I sit here and ponder.  What of my life?  My choices?  I chose to dabble in wizardry, but my intelligence in that area is at best, minimal.  I cannot do the simplest of tasks.  I cannot memorize the first level of scrolls I do have into my spell book.  And I have worked at this for over 3 seasons!  Great wizardry must not be in my blood.  Maybe I am to use what little I know towards something else.  I have heard that the arcane arts can be used to deadly effect in an archers hand, but I have not been able to find any information on it.  I have been to the great library three times, and can find nothing.  Maybe it is just a rumor, a child’s tale. Nevertheless, I can not give up yet.  All stories have bits of truth in them.  I just have to keep looking.  Before I hurt another through my ineptness.  Before I lose another hus . . . *Teardrops cover the lower part of the page, ink from the other side of the parchment blotting.  The final word runs into a line leading to the edge of the page.*

[Jilseponie Wyndon]

Dear Journal,
    Just a quick entry today.  Even after the disaster the other day, Daren found a most wonderful way to cheer me up.  Yes, the wedding is just 17 days away and things are actually starting to brighten up.  Daren left a note in my room to come meet him near Blackford Castle and he left an address.  I was not in a great mood, but it said he had a surprise for me.  I went to where the letter stated and I did not see him anywhere.  I walked up to the address and knocked on the door.  Imagine my surprise when the nameplate listed his name!  The door opened and there he stood with a good friend of ours with a big smile on his face.  He said, it's ours Love.  I was shocked!  With the help of his friend, he was able to find this place for us as a wedding gift!  My stomach had butterflies in it!  Oh, and Vivian has almost finished my wedding dress!  Its looking so beautiful!
     Another matter I wanted to mention . . . of late I have been seeing the creatures of this place out of thier environment.  A werewolf attacking the innocents in the rangers vale (I helped put it down), ambushed by lizard folk near the gate in the goblin wastelands (Nez and I took them out of commission), ogres on the road to Fort Llast (Thanks to Daren it's gone), Kenku patrolling the roads north of Lake Ibenaine (Kreeg was most helpful sending them packing).  Strange times are coming . . .I can feel it, but I am not ready, not yet . . .

[Jilseponie Wyndon]

Dear Journal,
   The past few days have been very hectic and nerve-wracking.  First and foremost in my mind is the wedding.  Only 4 days away now.  My hands quiver slightly thinking about it. It is just another step in life, I think to myself.  Then why do I shake so?  It is what I want more than anything in the world.  Just pre-wedding jitters, I guess.  And no, there is no way I’m backing out.  No thought at all.  Forward, keep moving forward. Think of Daren . . .
   What else have I to worry about?  The good people here in Hlint and surrounding townships.  I am afraid for them.  I cannot be everywhere at once; I cannot hold back an invading force . . . . I put up a notice at the Wild Surge Inn.  I hope that people will pay attention to it.  And I have been trying to spread the word.  Yesterday I was in the Sielwood bordering the wastelands and one of the forest creatures came up to me.  It was nervous and kept looking towards the east, north of the Witches Home.  Then it bolted as a raiding party of Orcs ran at me.  Instantly I thought of the High Forest.  My heart skipped a beat.  I froze for maybe a moment then, my mind directed me to protect the creature.  I was too stunned to tell it to run. I counted maybe six orcs and a shaman as I let fly with a couple arrows before I was surrounded then dropped it for my sword.  Daren was coming up behind me asking about the forest creature when the attack started.  Poor Daren was weighted down with nuggets he had just mined, drew his battle-axe and waded in.  I cleared the orcs around me and picked up my bow as another party came running into view.  Arrows were flying everywhere, trying to keep the shamans from casting.  And before the last orc fell a third group came running in.  We dropped maybe three of those before the others turned tail and disappeared into the deep shadows of the wood.  During the battle, I watched as an arrow pierced the forest creature, instantly taking its life.  Moreover, I felt as if . . . a part of me had died with it.  How can the people expect me to protect them if I cannot save a simple creature?  I searched for clues that would tell me where the orcs were from or why they were there, but I found nothing.  I should have been able to drop the orcs sooner, but my arrows are severely lacking.  I told Dorena Musictear about the incident and we went down into the Sielwood cave looking for clues.  Nothing.  We searched through the wood all the way through to the Broken Forest and came up empty.
   Daren found a mineral emerald the other day.  He was so shocked!  He put up an auction notice at the Trade and Market Hall.  Apparently they are hard to come by.  Why am I writing this?  Because what coin he earns from this he will use to go towards building a new temple for his Goddess, Az’atta.  That man cares so much for the people around him and his god, it just tears at my heart.  That’s one of the reasons why I love him so, his willingness to help others no matter what the cost.  The night grows long and I must meditate for the evening.  Goodnight.

[Jilseponie Wyndon]

Dear Journal,
   Today I helped a friend get back into the High Forest to return to the spot from which he had fallen.  We arrived there and he was able to reflect a final time and continue on his way to wherever his destiny may take him. After he left, I walked the quiet wood, reflecting the past weeks events, when a shadowed figure walked from behind a tree, then leaning against it.  “I’ve seen you around,” he said. My hand relaxed slightly around my bow.  I don’t take kindly to spies,” I said in reply.  He held his open palms in plain sight, but I stayed on guard.  “What is it you want of me?”
   “Me? I want to give you a bit of information.”  I nodded for him to go on.  “I saw you dealing with a raiding party of orcs back in the Sielwood some time back.”
   “If you were there, why didn’t you assist?”
   “If you were alone, I may have, but that big puppy dog that follows you around was there to help.” He shrugged his shoulders. “If you had been alone you would have fallen, I would have helped then. But your skill doesn’t even come close to what archery skills could be doing for you.”  I turned my head and looked in another direction.  He does not miss much.
   “So what more skills can I have?  I can only craft arrows to a point where they do some damage, beyond that . . . What more can I do.”  The man laughed.  He really laughed at me!  My cheeks went red.  
   “I heard you speaking to a tall skinny man near the temple in Hlint, I think you called him Yard.  Strange name . . .” I instantly remembered the conversation this man was referring too.  My eyes widened and he saw that, nodding his head.  He does not miss much.
   “You know something about the rumors I’ve heard?”
   “Ma’am, I live those rumors.” I took a step and he backed away a few steps. “No, I’m not here to give lessons.  Just sit down and listen.”
   He proceeded to tell me about how Blood was starting to move in on Mistone using his minions like the orcs and the kobalds and other unsavory creatures that roamed these parts to terrorize and destroy our good people.  It fell to rangers like us to help protect the woods and the surrounding communities.  Nevertheless, I would not be able to be even half-effective with my current skills.  So he explained on how one could imbue arrows with arcane magics that would turn arrows into shafts of fire or arrows that cannot miss!  The increase of damage that each arrow can install on the target.  We sat there for some time as he told me the different abilities that can be imbued into an arrow with just the right magics. And he called himself an Arcane Archer and that there were so few out there.
   When he was done, he backed into the dark shadows of the twilight and left without a sound.  I never even thought to ask his name.  This is what I have been looking for!  After all these years, now the question is where do I find someone to teach me . . .

[Jilseponie Wyndon]

Dear Journal,
   I am so happy!  My wedding was beautiful!  All those that gathered to help us with the ceremony and those who came to witness I am so grateful to.  Ayla did such a wonderful job of performing the ceremony, Dorena and Luna looked marvelous in their gowns.  Yard, Ael and Garnet looked so handsome standing there.  And Acacea in her dress!  She really put a smile on my face to see such enthusiasm, not that she has it all the time (giggles). All the love and support helped to ease my nervousness.  Daren looked so handsome standing there under the willow.  As he gave his vows, they touched my heart so deeply that I shed tears.  He is so understanding . . . . Especially when it concerns my past.  My heart just melted!  And Luna!  It was the first time I have seen her face!  She looks so beautiful; I do not know why she hides it.  Then when the ceremony was completed, fireworks shot through the skies in such an array of patterns and colors...it was breathtaking!
Afterwards at the reception everyone was so kind with their words and their gifts.  I will have to make sure I write them and thank them again. And as for the wedding night . . . it was more than what I expected! So now  I have taken Daren’s last name and now we are complete.  Now to see what lies ahead . . .

[Jilseponie Wyndon]

Dear Journal,
     Its been awhile since I wrote and things have not changed much until recently.  But during my absence from you I have been most happy being married!  The love and caring he has for me just shows no bounds.  And he is always wanting to help me with my crafting or whatever little project I'm working on.  Oh, but when  Iwant to help him .. ."There is nothing to be done," he says.  "No worries." Heh, he always says that.  How I love that man!  But I found out just how much I do love him after my little adventure a couple days ago.  My heart felt as if it was being split in two!

     A little boy brought me a letter from someone in my past, a time I have hidden away in my mind.  The monk I had know was sent a package and a letter for a request for help from the elves that it was affecting, of which I 'Had' to go.  For there was a spirit in a wood draining magical energy from items who bore a most striking resemblence to my first love and husband who died in my arms after a fierce battle with a great demon.  The spirit of my husband needed a vile of magical essence, guarded deep within a tower, so he could see me again then pass on to Katia.  During this exchange, emotions long buried for him bubbled to the surface.  How I wanted to see him again, hold him in my arms!  My body grew weak with such emotional stress!  Then it hit me . . . if he was whole again . . . what about Daren? My heart split open and how I cried!  I would retrieve it I said, and rushed off to do so.  After many trials, the vial was retrieved, but as I held the vial in my hand, a realization slowly entered my mind. The emotions that assailed me upon looking at Elbryan after all these years and his spirit held by the soul mother, was used against me.  It was a veil over my eyes. Elbryan in real life wuld never have perverted the magics I controlled or thier essences, nor would he do the same of life.  He had such a great respect for life!  And slowly I realized that the spirit was not of him.  But of the Demon we battled and defeated, that killed my husband before me . . . he wanted his revenge and to live upon our plane of existence.  We confronted the spirit and indeed it revealed itself for the demon it was.  We battled it and with assistance from the elves, it was put down once again, back to the abyss from whence it came.

     The elves were most gratified that I was able to sort this problem out and in return offered to train me in the ways of becoming an Arcane Archer like them.  I was most honored. But I could not have done it alone.  Though Daren was away at the time, Yardislan and Garnet accompanied me throughout my ordeal and were most helpful.  I could not have done it without thier help.  They are truly great friends.

    And there is one other thing.  The emotional stress I went through brought to my attention to a change within my body.  I am very nervous and I should go speak to a healer or someone at a temple . . . and how will I tell Daren . . . he is about to become a father.

[Jilseponie Wyndon]

Well, he took the news pretty well Journal.  And of that I am so glad.  We talked at such length that we were up into the early hours.  This will be his first child and he is a bit nervous, but in my heart I know he will be a great father.  I want our child to grow up knowing his parents and the love and joy they shared together and with such great friends surrounding them.  So I told Daren that if he wishes, he will have access to you, dear journal, to write down his memories, his trials, his joys as he helps raise and grow with our child.  I have nothing in here to hide from him, and I keep no secrets from him.  From this our child will have soething to look back on, and possibly to show to thier children.  Today I see a healer as to when the child will be due.  Daren wants a girl . . . like her mom.  Mom.  The word feels strange coming from my lips.  I was not able to make it that far before . . . But Daren will be beside me all the way.  I couldn't ask for anything more. *Smiles*

[Jilseponie Wyndon]

Dear Journal,

Just a quick note on a situation on the deeds of men.  This is something I don't want to forget.  Last night when we got home I told Daren I was going to take a bath.  He said he would go and warm up the water for me while I put things away in the kitchen.  As I was doing that, there was a sudden 'boom' and the house shook.  I went to the bathroom to find Daren standing there, covered from head to foot in ashes.  The tub and the chair in there were gone. He said: "Don't even ask."  But I had too.  He had tried casting Flame strike on the water to heat it up.  I was so mad a first, after I finally got the story out of him, I just had to laugh.  But I couldn't let him see me do that.  Men!  The things they try to do. *Giggles*

[Jilseponie Wyndon]

Dear Journal;

     Time has flown so quickly here, It is just less than 2 months before the baby is due.  Daren has been fawning all over me since I have really started to show.  The poor man, I have been so moody, always changing my mind, but he has stood by me all the way.  I am glad I knew where to find aloe as it has worked wonders on my ever-stretching stomach.  Oh, how it itches at times!  Nevertheless, just a few more weeks plus and she will be born into this world. Sharyn’Aylathen Valhaikor.  (Pronounced Sharn Ayla then) Oh, how our lives will be changed!  We can not wait . . . .

[Jilseponie Wyndon]

Dear Journal,

     As I write this, it is late and Daren lies beside me heavily asleep totally exhausted.  I look down in the crook of my arm and out newborn baby girl, Sharyn'Aylathen and smile.  Poor Daren.  I think the birthing process really took a toll on him, and me as well.  This being my first newborn, after a brief rest, I find it hard to sleep looking upon this wonder in my arms.  As I look at her, many things run through my mind, but first and foremost, her protection.  With the threat of the war getting closer to our shores, the demons rampaging through our lands and the smaller evils working thier ways into our lives, I grow fearful.  But then I look over to Daren.  Our knight in shining Az'atta armor. *Chuckles* And I know that he would never let anything happen to her.
     Daren thinks she would make a good cleric or I, think a ranger.  But after thinking on it more, is it really our choice?  Yes, we can give them the knowledge we have learned to help protect them in the coming years, but in the end it will always be thier choice.  Thats what makes them an individual, their own person.  We as parents don't want copies of ourselves, we want them to be better than we were.  And with the guidance and nurturing we give unto them, hopefully they will make better choices, live fuller lives and in the end, proud of what they have accomplished.
     Choices, thats what everything comes down to.  Which is the better?  Which is the right?  I have made many wrong choices over the years and I learn from them.  I hope Sharyn makes fewer wrong choices and more good ones as she grows.  And of course Daren and I will be there to help guide her along the way.  
     And to Sharyn'Aylathen, who this journal will be turned over to in her later years.  This journal will tell you of our love for you, our experiences.  We would never profess to be perfect parents, nor always right.  But I hope that in reading this you will see things from our point of view to better understand what we have taught you.  We love you so very much and all we do is for you.
So now, I say goodnight, as your fathers snores have lessened and I may be able to meditate.  I love you both.

[darkwulf365]

*Tucked into the pages of this book, the folded parchment reads as follows*

[darkwulf365]

*Written in a scrabbly form that could barely be called handwriting on the back of a fine, although creased as if hastily folded, parchment containing the signatures of Queen Allurial and King Weyland.*  I dunna know where yer frm, but I aint no necro, I aint no damn seer, I dunna look at stars an I dunna fondle animal guts.  I'm jus a guy wit a wife, a kid, a house an a bloody war on me hands.  I said this one time in anger, but th mre I think bout it, th mre I think tis all ye really gotta know bout me.  Me bein yer father.  Tis a good chance that by th time ye get ta een know ow ta say me name, that I'll be gone.  One o th prblems wit bein a human I guess.  This stupid war leaves me in quite a spot ye cld say.  Do I leave ye an yer mother ta go off an elp save th world?  Er do I wait an trust in othrs ta do it fer me an hope th war dunt cme ere ta home.    Eithr way, no matter what ye hear, fer good er bad, all ye need ta know is th ferst thing I eer wrote.  Yer father ws jus a norml guy who tried his best bcause he loves his family  An also know that I love ye Sharyn, yer th best gift anbody cld eer ask fer.

[Jilseponie Wyndon]

Dear Journal;

“Sharyn is over six months now and growing like a weed.  Just changing her now I see that I have to make the cloths a bit bigger to wrap her in.  Her eyes are always wide with wonder and so inquisitive.  And how her eyes light up when daddy picks her up.  He is spoiling her so badly . . . heh . . not that I don’t mind.  It is so beautiful to see them together.”

“We understand she is half elf and half human, and I hope she takes on the best qualities of both races.  But Daren, well . . . I think he might be rushing things a bit.  He spoke the other day about baptizing her by his goddess and  I told him I thought it would be best if we were to let her decide when she gets older. I understand that she is too young to understand what is really happening, but I see in the people around me hatred of one another just because of what gods they favor.  You should judge a person by their actions. . not their beliefs.  But that is my view.  Over the many years, both previous to Layonara and after I have seen so much . . . pain, bloodshed, and anger over this subject.  To me it is like saying to another. . ‘Since you have such a liking for pears and I hate them . . . then I hate you just as well.’  It is very narrow-minded of people to think that way.  No wonder there is so much hate in the world around us.  And I would not like my daughter to grow up with those type of ideas.”

“Also dear journal, I noticed that Daren’s moods have been changing.  It seems that this war is putting some stress upon him.  He wants to go so badly in the service of our peoples, yet he also fears for the safety of his newfound family.  We have spoken numerous times on the ways of elves, but his memory appears to be failing in that area.  Many nights I feel him suddenly jostle in his sleep, suddenly become motionless, then so slowly climb out of bed and go downstairs.  He thinks I am asleep, though I am only in a meditative state.  Nevertheless, I say nothing, breathe easy, and let him do what he wishes.  I just wish I could ease his troubles and soothe his nerves if he would only open up to me.  But he is prideful and I hope he knows that I will support him in the best way I can.  As for the war . . . well . . . if he wishes to go off and help, then I will accept that as he deems it best in his eyes.  I would follow if I could, but I have Sharyn to look after and raise, so to that end I will help the war here at our front door.”

“His sleep is so broken, I should offer some herbs to help him sleep. I would never give him any without his knowledge.  To do something like that is such a breach of trust in our marriage.  I could never do that to him.”  

She looks over the Sharyn lying on a large skin, crawling everywhere, getting into everything, and smiles.  Sharyn suddenly looks up to see her mother smiling down at her, she smiles open mouthed, a bit of drool running down her chin, she squeals and crawls quickly to be picked up.  Jil puts her journal aside and pulls a small cloth from her pocket and wipes Sharyn face, while the child tries to grab playfully at it.  She grabs it and starts to stuff it in her mouth, but when she sees mom shake her head, the hands stop, and slowly drop.  She smiles, bounces her hands up and down and throws the cloth at her mother who laughs and tickles her in return.  She is once more put upon the skin as mom prepares to finish her entry into the book setting beside her.

“The war is has been growing and a new threat has invaded out homes.  Demons have been appearing and attacking the towns and its populace. I fear that one time I will be out with Sharyn and we will be caught out in the open when they attack once again.  I hope that others will not see me as cowardly if I was to flee if only for the protection of my child.  Otherwise, yes I would fight back side by side with those also in danger.  And a demon trapped beneath the gray peaks . . . *Shivers* . . . these times do not bode well.  Though through the training I have received from the Arcane Archers that I met years ago, my abilities with the bow have increased greatly.  I thank them each time I use them and  it saves a friend or myself.  A few more seasons and I should be able to better Sharyn as she gets older, I want to start training her in the ways of the outdoors for survival, but that is many years from now so I have time to prepare.  I’ll let her choose her path . .*Smiles at Sharyn playing with the bears head of the skin* . . . its her life.

[Jilseponie Wyndon]

Dear Journal;
     Its been a long time since I last wrote and I blame it all on motherhood. *Laughs* Hhe, someone has to take the blame.  Sharyn is almost 2 years old now, and how time flies, that she is now stumbling about learning to walk.  As I sit here at Daren big desk writing, she is circling about it, pulling papers, books and anything she can get her hands on and dropping it to the floor.  She will grab something look up at me with a big smile, see me smiling down at her, then laugh and throw it to the floor.  Then she would pick it back up and try to put it back as it falls again unnoticed as she moves on.  She has been quite the handful.
     Things have quieted down a bit, no threats, no dangers so I am being more of a mom and less of an adventurer for the time being.  Oh, I still go out, but not for long periods of time.  I still have to put food on the table, gather things to make her clothing that she is growing fast out of, and of course patrol different areas to be sure that the outlying locals are not harrassing the townsfolk.  I shot down 2 goblins that was chasing down a young woman the other day and she stopped long enough to thank me.  I had her loot for whatever coins the mangy things had and directed her to a campfire for some proper rest.
     Daren and Yard had a tough day as they were quite overwhelmed by giants and such.  Daren fell 3 times and the battle was so wild I could not get close enough to save him.  The soul mother is still away and he lost no part of himself in holding them off that gave me a chance to get away.  My hero. *Smiles*  But I am definitely improving in my skills in fighting and especially my archery skills.  Daren was caught off guard the other day by a large group of deaders, as he call them.  I watched him go down, and I, standing a short distance away firing arrows, quickly equipped my sword and shield and waded into the crowd about him as he slowly sank to the forest floor.  I battered two into pieces above him, and while taking many blows, applied a major healing potion into his mouth, some about the face as I was rained upon, and healed him enough to get t ohis feet, cast a spell and help me finish putting them back into the ground where they belong.  To give ones life where there is hope, and to have it all come together and and triumph is such a wonderful feeling.  And I think to myself, is this how others feel, like Daren or Alantha or any goodly cleric or person with healing powers feels when they do this?  And I think back on the woman I saved in the goblin wastelands, and the healer in the Rangers vale and the others . . . maybe there was a spark there, slowly building, that brought me to this point, this feeling of duty, accomplishment.  And in perusing my weaker moments, my bad days and the good . . . they all led down a path that led me here.  To this moment, now, with Sharyn climbing into my lap pretending to read my journal . . heh, yes I can see it now.  My former life that brought me here, meeting Kharl then Daren and Yard, my trials and tribulations of reforming a new life here, Sharyn'Aylathen . . . all these events in my life suddenly flow through my mind and it is as if a warm healing is passing through me, not only of mind, but of heart. *Hugs Sharyn and sets her back on the floor with bits of smudged ink on fingers and face, licks a piece of cloth and wipes her clean admist protests*  I don't think I would be here at this point if it were not for Daren and Sharyn and of course the wonderful friends I have encountered that have helped mould me into the person I am.  And I so much hope that through my childs years I wil be able to teach her the things I was taught with the love and support I received.
     It is amazing the thoughts that surface as I relate to you, journal, the simple everyday happenings and to have born out of them realizations I may not have seen normally.  And to this, what comes to mind . . .
     Sharyn'Aylathen, when you are older and you read through this, begin your own journal if you haven't already.  To just write out your thoughts, your adventures . . . new insightful things surface and we learn more about ourselves, who we really are inside.  We will have our rises into glory and our falls into despair, but those incidents is what helps mould us into better people. Well, you eating the house plant . . . *Runs to her and picks bits of leaves out of Sharyn's mouth laughing at the faces she is making* And no, you didn't like its flavor *Grinning*  Anyways . . . always remember, no matter what I will always love you and your father very much and anything we do is for the saftey of you and the other peoples of this land.  Hold thatlove in your heart and  Ihope someday that you will find somene as loving as your father to court you and make your life as wonderful as mine has been.  Its geeting close to your bedtime, so let me get you out of the chest you climbed into and put my things back in it and into bed.  I have quite a bit of a mess to clean up, thank you very much *Grins* and  Iwould liek to have that done before your father gets home and sees it.
     And of course Dear Journal, thank you for helping me . .see me.
     *She sets the quill down, blows upon the parchment drying the ink and hears a crash that sounds like some potion splattering and runs to investigate*