Shelu's Secrets

[goldz8]

Dear Diary,

I’m sitting here in the Aeridin Temple in Ranger’s Vale surrounded by great old trees and the mysterious sounds of the forest. It is so peaceful here. I have been away from Voltrex, for what seem like years, but has actually only been two months. In that time I’ve grown stronger and have gained much more experience than if Id stayed at with my family in Saida. I’m so glad that I escaped the boring temple-life there. I was afraid at first, because I wasn’t sure about things, but I made some friends and soon felt at home here on Mistone. Most of the people here are so friendly and helpful.

I have become best friends with Sy-Ravenne. She’s a brave barbarian-warrior wild elf that I met here. I must also mention Tasilin, a halfling rouge who is most naughty! I feel like a sister to both him and Ravenne. I have also met a most wonderful human called Barion. I never expected to find love here and I’m most pleased with the way things are turning out. Our love grows stronger each day and I love being in his company. He is so very good to me.

Each time I think of him I stop writing, look at the trees and sigh.

He is very romantic and asked me to marry him in the crypts in Hlint! Some may find this strange, but I find the crypts very peaceful. Well they should be if it weren’t for those hideous undead monstrosities that seem to pop from out the walls of these places.

Aeridin would be proud to see me destroy the undead creatures that one finds in the crypts.

I recently got a shield from Ravenne, but I cannot use it with the staff that Aeridin prefers his clerics to use. I’m considering asking permission to use another weapon one day. At the moment I can’t carry the shield with my other equipment. I bought a ring that improves my strength from Aleister, which is fine for now, but I need to be even stronger.

Aleister is a master craftsman and makes all kinds of interesting and useful items. I make healing potions and am relatively good at it. I also enjoy crafting with gems and I’d like to make wands one day. In addition, I’m practising making enchantments for weapons and armour, but I find it very difficult to make some of the components.

Some people have the most interesting weapons. Glokk has very impressive electrics on the axe that he uses, while Ozy has a negative energy enchantment on his staff. Although I do not agree with his use of that kind of energy, I do respect his ability to craft such things.

I got to know Barion better when we hearing about the Bloodwars from Ozy one day. This Blood person seems like a most nasty piece of work. I’m proud to be part of the effort to stop him in his lust for power. We’re all have to become a lot stronger if we have any hope of making a difference, as Ozy said to Barion and me.

I want my family on Voltrex to meet Barion before we get married. It may be very difficult for us to get there, but we will persist. We’re saving up to buy a house together. Oh, I love him so very much!

My love for Aeridin also grows each day. He is also very good to me and gives me very good spells that I use as tools to help those that I’m with. As I grow stronger I know that he’ll give me more spells to use. I’m looking forward to the day that I can destroy bodaks by just turning them. They are evil and vile creatures, but I must admit that their teeth are very useful.

Barion helps me to collect them. I hope that I can make him happy. I think that we can make each other very happy. Actually we do make each other very happy!

Much love and kindness
Shelu

[goldz8]

Dear Diary,

Something wonderful happened tonight. I was with Barion in Ranger’s Vale in the resting area near Aeridin’s Temple. We were talking to a wizard and asked him if he knew of a way that Barion can extend his life when a being from another plane flew down from the sky! I understood her words to mean that we should enjoy each day of our lives as if it were our last. There is not need to extend our lives in these bodies because Barion and I can continue to love each other even after we have discarded them and taken on new forms in other planes of existence.

That thought made Barion very happy and he said that we truly could be together forever.

I felt very blessed by Aeridin and have bound my soul to the stone at his temple in Ranger’s Vale. Spekaing of souls, we saw Sy’Ravenne’s ghost earlier on in the evening. She’d been killed in the Haven mines and was wandering around in Fort Llast. I’m trying to make her an enchantment for her armour. It is difficult because I’m not very skilled at tinkering yet, but my skills are improving.

I’m going to use my skills to make items that I can sell so that Barion and I can afford to buy us a home. They are very expensive, but we are persevering and one day we will afford one.

Much love and kindness,
Shelu

[goldz8]

Dear Diary,

It’s just occurred to me that the angelic being we saw last night knew my name. Perhaps it was because we were close to the temple of Aeridin and I’m sure that he knows the names of all living beings.

I was very afraid though. I’d never experienced a visitation like before. I couldn’t say anything and was frozen to the spot. Barion fell to his knees and prayed, but I can’t remember what happened to the old wizard that we saw (I think his name started with a “G”, but I don’t remember names unless I use them often so I’m not sure).

Well the weekend is here and I have a feeling that it is going to be an excellent one!

Love and kindness,
Shelu

[goldz8]

Dear Diary,

I had the most wonderful day yesterday. It started off a bit slow, but ended off very well in Barion’s arms and meeting very interesting people. Two days ago we spoke with Reventage (priestess of Ilsare) about the visit by the celestial and she took us to Pranzis and showed us the new houses that had recently been built there. We saw some lovely ones and decided to invest in a home. We are saving up for this and are very busy creating things for sale. I’m practising my tinkering and gem skills so that I can sell high value goods and so save up quickly to buy the house.

Kai recently bought a house in Blackford Castle, but Sy’Ravenne decided to call off the wedding with him. I’m so disappointed because I was hoping that she had found a suitable husband. He understood and accepted her in a way that few men could could. Perhaps they can sort out things out. I wish that I could help her.

I’m so worried about her. She is such a good friend of mine and I care deeply for her. I just wish that she could find lasting happiness.

I’m so very happy with Barion. I feel very blessed that we found each other. It is like our relationship was meant to be. When we first met I felt attracted to him and this has grown into a most delicious love.

I met some very interesting people yesterday. A monk called Wade told me that the undead are a counter-balance in this world and they also give clergy like me something to do. I’d never thought of things in that way before. I have developed a deep respect for monks from the ones that I’ve met thus far.

My love and respect for Barion has also grown. Each day that we are together he either says or does something (usually both) that I find most impressive. He is so caring and kind. I love him very much.

Love and kindness,
Shelu

[goldz8]

Dear Diary,

I am so worried. We were in a group of people trying to help Ireth who wanted to speak to an evil god called Shadism. We were told that we should curse him to gain his attention. We did this without thinking, but I now realise that this was not a very wise thing to do. Speaking to Wade the other day made me realise that all gods have their place in this world and thus should be respected because they are powers much higher than we are.

It is the Full Moon and I went to pray to Aeridin. I asked him to help Barion and me because I expect an evil god like Shadism would be angered at being cursed. Beings like him love inflicting suffering and I fear the consequences of our foolish actions. We certainly didn’t mean what we said – how could we? We have never even heard of this god before. Oh I hope and pray that by Aeridin’s Grace that this will turn out okay.

I love Barion so very much and do not wish anything bad to happen to him. If anything were to come of this then we will stand together and face things. Perhaps I should speak to Barion about adopting Aeridin as his god. This may win him some favour and help things.

I must learn to think before I do such things in future.

Love and kindness,
Shelu

[goldz8]

Dear Diary,

I also met a paladin of Aeridin called Elladan. There aren’t many in service to Aeridin here so I was very glad to make his acquaintance. He was also trying to help Ireth. There was also an elf called Mith there. I’ve met with him on my own today and he advised me to leave the stopping of Shadism to those who have an interest and strength for such things. I will speak with Barion about this. If our help is required we will of course help, but if we can stay out of it then I’d prefer that. This is for selfish reasons I’m afraid. Certainly for self-preservation, but also because I have a wedding to organise and a home to save up for.

I was possibly over-reacting about us cursing Shadism, but I’d rather take extra care just in case something were to happen.

I met with Vivian – she’s an excellent tailor who would make the wedding and maid-of-honour dress. Well I was hoping that we could be married in the next two or three days, but I’m not sure now. Perhaps we still could, perhaps.

I missed saying goodbye to my darling last night. I hope to see him soon to apologise and give him a great big hug and kisses.

Love and kindness,

Shelu

[goldz8]

Dear Diary,

I spent some time with Kai yesterday. He helped me to make a crystal rod and even offered to make me bronze full plate armour. He’s very sweet and I like him as a person. Of course he made advances like he does to all women and I had a little fun flirting with him, but I told him very firmly that I’m a one man woman and am very happy with Barion. I can learn much from people like him, those who have much experienced in this world.

We were discussing a business matter in the craft house when someone saw us together and assumed that we are having an affair. Kai, being the joker, played along with this and a rumour soon spread across Hlint. At first I thought it was amusing, but after Ravenne asked me about it with great concern I realised that such rumours can be very dangerous. Barion and I joked about it, but wouldn't allow Kai to continue to push the rumour.

I made myself an electric visual effect for the staff that Ravenne gave me. It looks quite nice.

I went with a large group on a trip to Haven mines, but I feel stupid in those large groups because I always seem to lag behind and others have to wait for me. Angela, Acacea and of course my darling Barion, waited for me, but I felt that I was spoiling the outing for them by being a burden and I didn’t go back for a second outing in the mines. Instead I went to Hlint and met up with Taislin and got a little group together to get boar skins for the fur trader. His wife is still so ill, the poor dears, they really do need our help.

Taislin seemed very depressed and said that he’s lost all meaning in his life. He seemed lost and confused. I tried to talk to him as best I could, but he didn’t seem very interested. I also tried speaking to Ravenne about Kai, hoping that there was a chance that they would get back together, but to no avail. Both her and Kai are angry with each other and although I believe that there is a chance that they could be friends again one day, I doubt very much that they would ever consider getting back together again as a couple.

Well I tried and there is no harm in trying.

The day ended off in a most unsual and magical way. I accompanied Barion when he was smelting and then to wash two mystery minerals. Both of us hoping that one of them would pay for our house, but they were adventurine and amethyst. Not bad, but no emeralds. Better luck next time.

We then spoke a bit and then fell silent and just stared into each other’s eyes. I felt such warmth and love from him. We must have been standing there staring at each other for almost three hours and didn’t even notice anyone around us. We were entranced by each other. It was wonderful to connect with him in such a deep and silent way. I must speak to him about joining the church of Aeridin. He is such a wonderful man and I love him with all of my heart.

Love and kindness,
Shelu

[goldz8]

Dear Diary,

I’m feeling disappointed and betrayed. Barion gave me an engagement ring yesterday, which was very sweet of him. We went for an adventure around broken forest with Angela and Cray. I was so slow with my spells that I felt foolish in comparison to her. She is also a cleric in the service of Aeridin, but is much more skilled than me. I learnt quite a lot from watching her.

After the adventure Barion and I went to see some rooms that Ranewin and Trysk had acquired in Krandor and were willing to ask the landlord if we could have two rooms in the house. It was very kind of them to offer.

You are probably wondering why I’m feeling so bad after all these good things had happened. After Barion and I’d gone to see the house in Krandor, we went to the Inn there for some nocturnal pleasure. It started off very nice, but then Barion called me his sex slave. My heart skipped a beat  and felt very uncomfortable, but didn’t show it. After that point I wasn’t feeling aroused at all, but continued the interaction to please Barion. I must admit that I pretended to enjoy myself, but in reality I was hoping for the whole thing to just end as swiftly as possible.

When I was flirting with Kai he said that he would call me sex slave and I was to call him master. It is quite obvious that they’d spoken about this and this would explain why I sensed a change in Barion in the last few days. He doesn’t think very much of me and I regret this deeply.

I hope that he will not be antagonistic towards me now.

It is impossible to for me to bear ill feelings toward either Barion or Kai. It is my own fault for being so naïve.

I’m not sure what to do now. Certainly I shall call the wedding off and return his ring. I just hope that he’ll return my share of the money that we had saved toward buying a house.

Oh dear diary. I’m feeling quite anguished now. My heart is open before you all raw and exposed, but thank Aeridin it has not been broken. I do feel sad and very hurt though *fallen tears have stained the paper*.

Love and kindness,
Shelu

[goldz8]

Dear Diary,

I feel like such a fool! I completely overreacted about Barion. I was feeling so guilty about enjoying flirting with Kai that I blew things completely out of proportion. I had a long chat with Ravenne and I spoke to Kai too. They made me see things a little clearer. Again I must learn to think before I act or say anything.

I hope that everything will be okay. Now I must face the music with Barion and I hope that he’ll take me back in his arms and forgive my silliness.

Love and kindness,
Shelu

[goldz8]

Dear Diary,

I still feel quite foolish because I didn’t trust Barion or speak with him about how I was feeling. I jumped to conclusions and caused the man so much pain. He was crying when I met up with him yesterday and was writing his will because he was going to die. He must truly love me.

I went down Haven mines with Fifur yesterday. The two of us made it right down to the bottom, but I died on the way up. This was my own fault because I attacked an ogre that wasn’t busy attacking Fifur. Ravenne, Angela and Annun came to help us. Annun is a skilled drow ranger and although she’s quite demanding (and admits to this) I learnt quite a bit from her.  We went to Blood Desert, a beautiful place with strange sounds and clear skies. Deadly scorpions, snakes and other creatures inhabit the place.

It was nice to adventure with the girls while Barion was thinking. Three elves and Angela – she can speak a bit of elvish so I could make her an honorary elf.

We got keys to the house yesterday and got busy decorating, but were very exhausted and once we got the bed in we both fell onto it and fell asleep almost immediately. 146 Krandor. I also met the landlord, a very large, but friendly fellow called Roshnak.

Love and kindness,
Shelu

[goldz8]

Dear Diary

Once more have I hurt Barion. He’d asked me to marry him again (this time not in the crypts, but at home) and gave me the ring. However, he said that he’d built up a wall around him and that it would take time for it to come down again. I understood this and Angela came for a visit while we were decorating thereafter.

I suggested a trip to Broken Forest to deal with the constant undead problem there and both Barion and Angela said that that was a good idea because they felt the need to bash something. It seemed to work because Barion said that he was feeling better after he’d dealt with unruly ogres just before we got to the Forest. When we got there we encountered Sabel fighting some of the undead. I’ve met her before on two occasions and I don’t like her at all. People speak of love at first sight, then there must also be dislike at first sight. There’s just something about her that makes me feel very uneasy. Besides the things that she does and says, there is something that just doesn’t sit right with me. I suppose that not everyone is meant to get on. She asked if she could join our group and there was a long pause during which I should’ve voiced my objection, but didn’t want to hurt her feelings and didn’t say anything.
I felt more and more uncomfortable after she’d joined us.

We went to Storan’s afterwards and I used all of the death wards that Aeridin had given me on others and didn’t protect myself. There were many undead there and like a fool I rushed in to say a prayer and my life was ended by a bordak.

I came back to pray at my grave and Sabel was kind enough to cast an invisibility spell on me. We’d only got one tooth from the bordaks and we decided to venture in again. Sabel then said that she had a death ward. If my helmet weren’t on the others would have seen my mouth drop open because there were enough wards for us all. I’d died unnecessarily. Why hadn’t she said so in the first place?

That just made me feel more uncomfortable and we went in again and got another tooth.

After that the others made plans for Sword Rust Mountains and I said that I was going to make potions and left the group.

I then decided to break off the engagement with Barion. Not because it was his fault, but because I didn’t feel good enough for him. Sabel seemed to be very good with spells and was good at destroying the monsters. I felt weak in comparison, that and the fact that I’m always lagging behind so that others have to wait for me. I thought that it would be best if I was on my own again. In that way I wouldn’t be a burden to anyone.

Naturally Barion was most concerned by this change, but said that he we could talk more about it the next day.

I was sitting by the pond behind the bank when Anoron’s pixie flew up to me and said that her familiar had sent her to find me. She is so sweet and funny. I’d met her before in the crypts. She then told Anoron and Angela where I was and they came to see me. Ranéwin also came and in her direct fashion said that if I didn’t want to get married, then I just shouldn’t.

I started feeling uncomfortable because of all the attention, but Nor and Ranéwin must have sensed this and left. Angela stayed behind and we spoke for quite a long time. She told me that I wasn’t as useless and a burden to the party as I’d imagined myself to be. She also said that I shouldn’t have run away like a scared little girl. She was quite right, I’m 132 years old now and hardly a little girl even by elfin standards. Scared, yes, but I must just learn to deal with my fears.

I seem to cause long-term problems by changing things like this. This is the second time that I’ve hurt Barion and I’m not sure if he’s going to be so willing to understand and forgive me again.

Love and kindness,
Shelu

[goldz8]

Dear Diary,

I woke up in Barion’s arms today, all warm and cosy. He looked so peaceful and content that I decided to leave him to sleep some more. We spoke for quite a long time yesterday and we have sorted things out between us. I feel that it is too soon for us to get married. I’m very happy to wait before I become Shelu Firesteed. He is full of surprises and has learnt a bit of elfin. I should ask him if he’d like to learn more and we could get a dictionary from the Great Library.

I went on a most interesting adventure with some equally interesting people. The group started off quite large, but people left until there were only four left. We even encountered vampires at one point! At first I thought they were just fellow travellers until one attacked me and sapped my strength. Luckily Rolf was nearby and healed me. He’s a cleric serving Mist. He has the form of an orc – with that beautiful blue skin, but it is not his true form.

The others on the quest included Eldárwen and Rashar. We met Eldárwen’s mother in the Great Library and they are both highly skilled mages. Eldárwen knew a lot about certain symbols and circles that we were investigating. I think the main aim is to bring together the two halves of the soul of a certain entity called the Dreamer. There is a malevolent entity called the Keeper of Nightmares that must be freed. Eight children are also involved. We are to deactivate the new circles and rescribe the old ones. I must admit that it is all very complicated and confusing sometimes, but nonetheless very interesting. I’m also learning much about the history of Layonara, especially about Voltrex and the elves. I never did pay much attention in the history classes at school, but that’s probably because the teachers were so boring and the views from the window much more interesting.

Rashar also looked like a mage and he deciphered the patterns on some star charts that we were examining. When I looked at them the patterns just swirled around and made me a little dizzy.

I would like to continue on the adventure with the group. I was advised to bring lots of garlic and holy water on the next trip because there would again be more vampires. They are in the service of the Keeper and his underling Tempos (another vampire). I grew a little stronger after the trip and I wonder if I’d be able to turn the vampires. I’ll certainly try if I can make it.

Aeridin gave me new spells. I’m still trying them all out, but they seem quite powerful and useful. Now I can fully heal the injured and raise the dead if need be. So I’ll be of more use to the groups that I’m in.

Barion and I make a very good team – a power couple. We will have many wonderful adventures together I’m sure.

Love and kindness,
Shelu

[goldz8]

Dear Diary,

Ahh the weekend was very busy and I did much travelling. I got the wedding and other dresses from Vivian. They were all very beautiful and since the wedding is only happening in a while I decided to wear it the whole day just for fun. We went to Velensk where we joined the Mistone alliance. We went to all the towns and cities on the continent to rally support for the efforts to stop Blood and his evil forces. It was fun, there were banners and knights. I even found myself talking sometimes to the people who’d gather to listen to us. Luckily I was wearing that beautiful dress. Oh I nearly forgot! There were some gnomes that had built some machine that made colourful lights and strange sounds. I’m not sure what it was supposed to do, but at one point I had become fat and Barion thin. I only noticed when Barion pointed it out to me, I was rather confused and wondered if the dress was suddenly making me look fat. But luckily the gnomes could reverse it and said that it was because we were standing too close to the machine. I also raised someone from the dead for the first time. I was a bit nervous, but the spell seemed to work and all were happy. Although I should be careful when I do that in future for I believe that it can weaken the caster if the diety of person who is raised is not allied to Aeridin. I mus speak with Barion again one day about him adopting Aeridin as his diety. I shall think about it and speak with him at an appropriate time.

We managed to gain the support of all of the towns on Mistone except Spellguard. Id’ never been there before, but I didn’t like it very much. Very unfriendly people and although there may have been houses for sale there, we decided that we’d rather live in Pranzis and travel a bit because it has a much nicer atmosphere. And as a paladin said once, the King’s glory shines onto it because he lives there. When we have enough money, we’ll find a lovely home there for ourselves. But until then the rooms that we have in Krandor are perfect for us. The house overlooks the sea! Ahh, most beautiful.

There are of course some places that aren’t so beautiful, like Storan’s crypt. I also got some bodak teeth with Barion there and we make a good team. Neither of us would do very well on our own, but together we could. Our skills compliment each other very well.

We spent much time with Angela. She is a lovely person and as deep as the oceans. She has become a good friend and I have much respect and admiration for her.

Things are going well with Barion and me. I’m glad that we have postponed the wedding and are just getting to know each other better for now. Our relationship is very serious, but we also have fun together. It is just wonderful to be in his company. I must admit that I feel very honoured and blessed to know and share my live with such a good man.

Love and kindness,
Shelu

[goldz8]

Dear Diary,

I had the misfortune of encountering a very nasty black dragon yesterday that had my body as a snack. Afterwards I died again in Berhagen. That was more of a mystery to me because I ran to heal Trysk after they’d finished fighting the golums and I then blacked out. When I came to again my body exploded and I found myself in the death void again. Unfortunately, Barion also died when he came looking for me. On the bright side we did spend good quality time together. So it wasn’t all that bad in the end, because neither of us got the interest of the Soul Mother.

I’m afraid not much else happened. I spent a lot of time on the bench in Hlint after I first died thinking about my life and chatting to some people there. The dragon got Kai as well. These dragons aren’t like the dream dragon I met when I first came here. But they are beautiful creatures, nonetheless.

I think that I should be very, very careful during the next few days because things are just not going my way. Perhaps I’ll do some crafting and bordak teeth collecting. That’s safe compared to dragons!

I was thinking about the Mistone Alliance and the negative reaction that we got in Spellguard was probably my fault. I’d magically enhanced the charisma of some people in our group and that possibly made the wizards and sorcerers there very suspicious. It worked in the other towns, but Spellguard is more sophisticated, in magical terms, than the other places we visited. So a different approach would have been wiser. Hmm, I tend to do silly things sometimes. I can be too eager and this causes problems. It is sometimes better to be patient and think things through than to rush in and bump one’s head on a black dragon’s belly.

Love and kindness,
Shelu

[goldz8]

Dear Diary,

I believe that I’m being over-friendly to people in Layonara lately. I’m possibly creating the wrong impression and I should tone things down. I’d also hate for rumours and stories to upset Barion. He has enough on his mind with his training. Well I guess there are times when one must be more disciplined in whatever one does, and this is one of those times. It is very easy to go over-the-top, and then regret it afterwards.

I guess things are going so well between Barion and me that my “cup runs over” and I want to share the love with everyone. Hmm, people may think that I’ve been eating spotted mushrooms!

Love and kindness,
Shelu

[goldz8]

Dear Diary,

I’ve been having disturbing dreams lately. I was alone in an Inn and met a group of people who initially are very friendly, but then turn into vampires with all of their teeth pointed. They then try to devour me. I woke up in the early hours of this morning nearly screaming. I was relieved that it was just a dream, but it seemed so real.

Perhaps it is a warning of some kind? I have decided to withdraw to the temple and meditate on this until I feel better about things.

Love and kindness,
Shelu

[goldz8]

Dear Diary,

I’ve done much praying and meditating at the Temple of Aeridin (the Temple of Life). I feel much better now, but I’ve also realised that I must spend more time in prayer and meditation. It helps me.

I met a Abigail through Barion. She was telling me of her quest to find her heart (the one that she feels with). She said that she needs to follow her dream and at the same time find her heart. She explained it to me by asking what I would do if Barion left me for another. I had to think had about it, because that was unimaginable. I said that at first I would be very angry and probably try to get him back somehow. If that failed then I’d have to heal myself and accept things in solitude. I mentioned that that might take a couple of centuries.

This is what I’d expect myself to do, but would it really be what I would do? I believe I understand what Abi was trying to tell me, because the other alternative would be to numb myself and not to feel anything. Or perhaps to cut away the pain and so be rid of it. In that way I wouldn’t have to feel it. Perhaps that is what she did. This made me wonder, if she finds her dream and gets her feelings back, the pain may still be there. She’d be forced to face it. Perhaps at the time she was originally wounded she was not capable to deal with the pain. So she set it aside for when she is ready. I do not believe that she did this intentionally sitting around a fire drinking ale one night, but her spirit or soul decided this. That part of her being that is higher than her mind.

She mentioned her dream was to become a Shadow Dancer and I remember meeting one quite a while ago with Justain in Krandor. He was quite funny and could speak to shadows. He could even summon one to aid him. I realise that Shadow Dancers probably do not do much good in the world, but as Wade (the monk) explained to me that there is a place for all types in Layonara. He spoke of balance and so did Abi.

Shadows are created by the light (and something that stops the light.)
The blackness needs the light to exist.
But the blackness shows the light it’s own existence. Hmm or is it the “something that stops the light” that reveals that? Well probably both, but without the light the shadow wouldn’t know of it’s existence either. So light and shadow are linked in this way. One can view the other as the enemy, but that would make little sense because without the other there would be no awareness of the self.

It is best to just accept that there are things very different to me and to learn from them.

I have not spent a lot of time with Barion in the last few days and I miss him. When we are together it is very difficult for me to leave to go the Temple of Life. But again here is another balance that I’m trying to find in my life. I just don’t want him to feel neglected. I’m busy making a belated present for his birthday. His wish was a second circle fir enchantment for his blade. I realise that I have much practice and work to do in order to do this, but I’ll make it. I just hope it doesn’t take too long. I’ll ask him to help me get sand and coal and that would make things go faster.

Love and kindness,
Shelu

[goldz8]

Dear Diary,

I am deeply concerned about Angela, well the person who used to call herself Angela. She has changed her name to Aikanaro which means "hellfire". She was writing a letter to Anoron and Ranéwin was translating it into Elfin. Its tone was very sad. She said that she just hurts people. Abigail afterwards said that she has loved so many people, but that she’s got no love back in return. She mentioned a few names, but when she got to mine I got confused because Angela had told me that our interaction was just fun and not love.

I believe that Angela was confusing love with lust. I’ve meditated on the meanings of both love and lust. They take many forms, but to me love is a desire to be with someone in an affectionate way. Lust on the other hand has more to do with power and may be rather selfish. One can combine love and lust, but then things become obsessive and possessive. Some people may like that, but it sounds very stressful to me.

Last night I told Barion about that dream I had about the vampires trying to devour me. In a way he interpreted the dream for me by saying that he only wants to be intimate with me. The experience we had with Angela was interesting and fun, but the timing wasn’t right. It was a bad day for such things – and look at what’s happened. I think I was feeling overwhelmed by all the sexual attention that I was getting from people. On one hand it’s nice, but on the other it just became too much. I started feeling like hunted prey. Much pleasure would have been gained in devouring me, but then there would have been nothing left. Just some bones for vultures to pick at.

Perhaps I’m exaggerating, but as much as I’m attracted to those kind of delicious sensual temptations, they aren’t for me. I'm just not that interested in women in that way. Call me strange, but that's just a preference. I’m quite happy with Barion. I know that he enjoyed it, and I’d understand if he’d like some variety in his life. I’m quite comfortable with that because I trust him and our bonds are strong. I should speak to him at an appropriate time, but for now things seem to be going well.

Speaking of time, the positions of the Sun and Moons are beginning to bother me a little. They show an increase in anger, war, violence and aggression. For the next two weeks I’ll be very careful especially the few days before the 15th of Autumn Dark or Novlar as they say in common. Hmm, but on the other hand if there is fighting then there will also be injuries that require healing. I hope that people can be wilful enough to remain calm and peaceful during this time. However, the compelling influences may be too great for some to withstand, including myself. Oh I must pray to Aeridin for guidance and support.

Hmm, but the extra energy that is provided to the world doesn't have to be channeled into fighting and aggression. This is a choice that people make. Other more constructive activities could be dancing, hard labour or even farming. War and fighting is just one way of using the energy. I hope that I can avoid that for myself at least.

Barion won’t be joining the Church of Life because a cleric who’s deity is unfriendly toward Aeridin would be unwilling to raise him from the dead. That was a very wise decision and I support him. It is a pity though because there are so few Aeridinites around, but each to their own path. I admire Cray because she goes around only wearing her robes. Even with full plate on I get clobbered. Perhaps I should work at improving my gem making skill and make myself a useful ring in this regard.

I'm most impressed with Barion. He seems to be learning my mother tongue and everyday says something to me in elfish. Hmm, he warms my heart (and other places).

Love and kindness,
Shelu

[goldz8]

Dear Aikanaro (Angela),

I am feeling most concerned about you since yesterday. You said that all you do is hurt people, but that is not true! You’ve been very kind to me. Remember the little talk we had by the pond when I was feeling worthless. Well you showed me that I have a place in the group and that my skills are useful. I gained much confidence after that.

The fun we had with you in the bath was a very interesting experience for me. I’m glad that you convinced me to join you and Barion in the bath. But as nice as the experience was, I now know that being intimate with a woman isn’t really for me. I’m just not attracted to females of any species in the same way that I’m attracted to males. Please don’t take this personally because you are a beautiful and sexy human.

Abigail mentioned yesterday that you’d given many people love, but had no love returned to you. I was thinking about that and realised how easy it is to confuse love and lust. This is especially true when one is in their sexual prime and sex is very important in one’s life. However, it is important not the become lost in the sensual world too much. By all means savour the pleasures, but keep one foot on the ground at least (or a hand depending on the position you find yourself in).

I love you as a dear and helpful friend (tearstain).

I just wanted you to know that I will support and help you. Abi mentioned that the balance has shifted. I don’t quite understand that, but I hope that Aeridin’s light will shine on you to help clear your way forward. Just because you haven’t found love in the past, that is no reason to give up searching. Sometimes love comes when one least expects it.

A HUGE hug to you my dear!

Love and kindness,
Shelu

[goldz8]

Dear Diary,

I visited the Dragon Islands for the first time yesterday with Barion, Abigail, Ranéwin and Trysk. Very strange creatures live there; cows that walk on two legs, and walking trees and mushrooms. It all went well, except for me blacking out a couple of times and having to leave the group early to sleep. I was so tired I couldn’t keep my eyes open.

I made Barion a ring that helps one against death magic. It was more symbolic than practical because I can cast death ward spells on him if we venture in Storan’s together.

I was observing the interaction between Ranéwin and Trysk. There seems to be much passionate fire in their relationship, whereas Barion and I probably seem more serious and stable. Hmm, it’s funny how different things can look from the outside, because there is much passion and enthusiasm in our relationship. We just don’t show it so openly I guess. I suppose it could lead people to think that things aren’t well between us when they are.

Barion did a marvellous job of organising the things in the chests in the storeroom. It is so easy to find things now, but I still have some bad luck with those chests because they don’t close sometimes.

Love and kindness,
Shelu