Nyyana's cute diary

[Yamada]

Entry 28
    Like a bottle floating upon the waves, my life has been constant ups and downs lately.
    Where to start…hmm… well I suppose I’ll start with what I can remember from when I last wrote in you.
    Hmm…should I start with the good stuff or the bad stuff first? If I start with the good stuff, then the bad stuff may seem worse when you get there… so I’ll start with all of the bad stuff that has happened in my life! And then when you reach the end of my entry you can see how my life has picked up again!
    Now…let me think….
    After my last diary entry, I kind of just started improving by myself, just like I always do. I went travelling with Rhynn. I’m her apprentice now. Right, well anyways when travelling, these big giants managed to fall Rhynn and myself. Jareg didn’t have time to raise us as we kind of rushed things and tried to pull our souls back to the bindstones. Rhynn forgot to bind her soul when we arrived and so she was sent half way across the world back to Mistone!
    I later found out that Rhynn had been saying things about me because of something Storold and Abi did to her. I’m not too sure what happened but everything is fine now. It was about Rhynn not agreeing that I needed constant protection, and I think Storold or Abi shouted at her for not protecting me properly. All I can do is apologise…
    Well, anyways I continued to travel with Jareg and Tegan, due to being with people I wasn’t used to, it was different; I got to boost my confidence travelling around with them for the short time I did.
    When I got back to Hlint, I ran into Abi and she said started asking me what I had been up to. I think she worded it wrong because she said that both Rhynn and Storold didn’t want to teach me magic anymore! I was so sad. The first thing that hit me was ‘it’s my fault’, ‘I caused this’. I ran as fast as I could to the road just before Fort Llast and curled up by a hidden bit in the road… I never could hide from Abi…
    I had hit rock bottom again. I just wanted to end it all…being an elf, I knew…and still do know that I’m going to experience a lot of loss in my life, and I’ve just had enough of people throwing their lives away just to save mine…
    I never asked for it, I don’t want it, and I don’t need it…
    Abi, trying to do her best and persuade me not to want to end my life, placed a dagger in front of me and told me to do it… I don’t think she was expecting me to pick it up and get ready to end my little life. I had it, held out in front of me, ready to thrust it into my stomach, and I could have done it at anytime. Abi continued to try and persuade me not to, but she couldn’t… She grabbed another dagger and said that if I ended my life she would end hers…as much as I love her…that didn’t seem like much of a deal… I told her, while I’m around people always throw their lives away, and if my death, only causes one more death, hers, then I was more than willing to make it happen…
    I’m still here though, still alive. I couldn’t go through with it, If we both lay their dead, people would assume that Abi stabbed me before ending her own life, and she didn’t want that, and neither did I… She threw her knife into the rocks below… I just placed the knife onto the floor and told her that I wanted to be alone for awhile.
    I sat alone, for hours and hours, but in the end I decided to head back to Hlint, and just go to the top of the courthouse to think. Rhynn followed me up there and we started talking. Apparently she never did say that she didn’t want to teach me, just that she couldn’t teach me till I grew up and learned to protect myself…I don’t think she realised that is all I actually wanted… was for people to treat me like an adult and let me be responsible for at least some of my actions. Rhynn thanked me because I helped her realise something to… something someone was trying to teach her years before.
    I told Abi my decision and she said it was what she was trying to teach me all along… I just never saw it. I suppose it hit me on a subconscious level because it’s all I actually wanted… She seemed pleased…but also troubled… she said that she may have to go away soon… I don’t know where but if she has to go… then I suppose she has to go if she feels if necessary… I will ALWAYS be here for when she returns to see me… my heart is always open, to Abi, my best friend, my sister and one of the most loved people in my life… life without her, is like life without a heart, she’s my rock… I am deeply sorry for all the pain I have caused her over the years… but I thank her, with all that I am, for the happiness and time we have shared so far, and for the happiness she will bring me for as long as she may live. She WILL find happiness, I know no one that deserves it more than she… and happiness shall find her, and envelop her in its warm embrace.
    I also found out Storold loves me… I’m sad, and deeply sorry for the pain I am causing him… He’s one of the kindest men I have ever met in my life… He deserves to love someone that is willing to love him back just as deeply. There are so many people…so many that deserve a better life, deserve true love, but not many find it… something that is shared among the groups of adventurers, is something that should NEVER be forgotten, and that is the love and friendship between companions. Fellow adventurers, those that they have travelled with for 30 years, or those that they have only travelled with for 1, it doesn’t matter… they share common goals, and they are like a family.  We are all so lucky…
    There’s so much out there… so much good stuff to look forward to, so much to love and respect. I’ve spent too many years focusing on the bad side! It’s time to move on! I have to enjoy life! You see a circle of stone on the floor, what could it be? Just a circle of stones you say? I think not! It’s a magic rune, and if you walk around it enough times everything will get better! Life needs to be serious, sure, but then life can get a little dull, if you don’t let your imagination run wild once or twice!
 
Don’t worry about me Daddy, Brother. I couldn’t be in better hands with such good friends around me. I will find you, one day, I will and then you can come meet the rest of my family! I love you, see you soon.

[Yamada]

*In anger she goes back to her last entry and crosses out everything she wrote about Abi. What makes this even more confusing is that Nyyana has never had the feelings of hatred and anger run through her veins before*
   
  Entry 29
    Rule one- Know when to run  
  Rule two- Know where to run
  Rule three- Know when to strike
  Rule four- Know who to strike
  Rule five- Don’t bother grumpy old wizards
   
  The five rules of wizardry Rhynn has told me. I’m sure more will come with time.
    Two mentors, two styles. Which is perfect, although I feel Rhynn is more my mentor, Storold is more like a teacher.
    Rhynn has been teaching me the ways of how the weave work, although slightly confused at the fact I keep on trying to access and sense the weave everywhere I go, she excepted that the route I was taking probably meant I would end up on a path that neither she nor Storold can follow, and all they can do is teach me to be able to find that path. Rhynn has been teaching me different forms of spells, how to handle spell casting when in battle and an overall tactical side of magic. She has also taught me many other things, which need not be mentioned.
    Storold, he teaches me the workings behind magic. Like the silent watch mountains, where the negative plane has intersected with the prime. The weave is said to not just be twisted, but more holed. We travelled to the outskirts of Blackford castle where he said the weave could be felt due to its strong presence. Taking my first attempt, I tried to focus, to sense the weave around me, but to no avail. My second try though, I was able to focus on the weave. It’s a strange feeling, as if always casting a spell.
    We then went on to try and combine the skills I have with my bow, with that of the weave. Sensing the weave, I have to keep a perfect concentration, to empower my arrows with some of the weave before firing off, which can also be hard due to concentrating so much on keeping the weave focused in the arrow. I need to keep on practising, because at the minute it can’t really be very useful in battle, not until I can do it all a fast as I can fire each arrow. So far I either lose concentration or fumble the arrow, or as I fire I can’t keep the weave in the arrow long enough to hit the target.
    I have still yet to be able to form a familiar using a part of my soul as Rhynn described to me, but it will come, I’m sure of it.
   
  In an OOC note, the death of Abi completely changed the way Nyyana acts, although hints of her are still present, she wishes nothing more than her old self to be buried with Abi. There is no mention of Abi in her diary entry due to her handling the situation by ignoring the fact the situation is there.

[Yamada]

Entry 30
   
  I’m sorry…
  I’m sorry Abi…
  I’m sorry I couldn’t be a better friend…
  I’m sorry I was too busy wrapped up in my own problems to notice yours…
  I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m sorry!
 
   
      I’ve got nothing left of you, no wait, I have the clothes you and Angela made for me... The rings on my fingers… the amulet around my neck…the bow in my hands… All meaningless without you here with me…but you’re gone…no more big sis… no more lil sis… no more…
   
  I’m sorry I acted in anger… I still mean everything I said…here, let me write it out for you again…
   
      I told Abi my decision and she said it was what she was trying to teach me all along… I just never saw it. I suppose it hit me on a subconscious level because it’s all I actually wanted… she seemed pleased…but also troubled… she said that she may have to go away soon… I don’t know where but if she has to go… then I suppose she has to go if she feels its necessary… I will ALWAYS be here for when she returns to see me… my heart is always open, to Abi, my best friend, my sister and one of the most loved people in my life… life without her, if like a life without a heart, she’s my rock… I am deeply sorry for all the pain I have caused her over the years… but I thank her, with all that I am, for the happiness and time we have shared so far, and for the happiness she will bring me for as long as she may live. She WILL find happiness, I know no one that deserves it more than she… and happiness shall find her, and envelop her in its warm embrace.
   
  I’m sorry if I’ve let you down Abi… without my heart to guide me… life is leading me down a different path… and I have lost the will to fight it… I will speak that what I deem to be the truth… I want to kill the old Nyyana… bury her along with you… but she won’t go… I can’t kill her off… she’s too strong… too strong to kill… she’s still there… in my mind holding on with just a fraction of her strength… and yet I still can’t move her… I still can’t overwhelm her…
   
  I got your dagger… the one you threw into the rocks on the way to Fort Llast when I tried to end my own life… I will treasure it forever… and if anyone tries to take it from me… I will kill them… they aren’t taking you away from me again…they won’t!
   
  I’m not sure if you would even love me anymore Abi…the way that I am… I hope one day I meet what you expected, and always saw in me… I don’t want to let you down… I live life now to fulfil what you always saw in me…
   
  I’m sorry for trying to ignore you…ignore the fact you’re gone... but if I don’t think about it… I won’t feel hurt… but its hard…everywhere I look…everything I do reminds me of you…
   
  *tears dot the page*
   
  I just want you by my side again! I don’t… I can’t… I MISS YOU! Don’t leave…don’t leave me…
   
  Please don’t leave me…

[Yamada]

Entry 31
   
  I don’t know how to act…what to do. Some people think I’m going insane… I wonder if I am…I don’t think I am.
    I don’t know how I should act… The old Nyyana is slowly coming back… but with her return I don’t know how to react to situations… I’ve been rude, and just plain right nasty at times…I don’t like doing that… sometimes they deserve it, but I’m not really the one to decide that am I?
    It’s hard… I was quite depressed yesterday… I miss you Abi…and you father, brother… I just lay on the grass by the benches, everyone was telling me to get my head out of the road in case any wagons come by, but I didn’t really care. Storold told me to sit up, I didn’t really want to, but I did in the end. He said we should go do another lesson, so I slowly stood up. Matilda straightened my hat out for me and wiped the grass from my face.
            Storold told me about Coran arti I’ tha – Guides on the blue weave path. Well, he told me one rule from it. ‘Use all gifts to benefit the weave and through it others. The weave is life and without it we are lost. Share your gifts with others freely, aiding where you can.’ I told him how I was scared of magic missile, due to that water lady blowing up my fire with them while I was busy cooking fish. He told me how I shouldn’t be scared of any of the gifts available to me. I asked Rhynn afterwards to give me a few pointers on how to use it, and I was able to blast a fish out of the pond!
    I’m not too sure what was up with Rhynn after that, but I continued to play along with what she was doing. She said there was some great evil coming, and that we would need to prepare and get stronger to defeat it… I think she must have had one too many wines or something. I made sure to protect her when she slept, and followed her everywhere to make sure she didn’t get herself into trouble. She’s so much fun to be around.
    Later that day these two people came to town, a drow who called himself Hood and this woman. The woman said you would win 100 gold if you could hit Hood. A few people had ago, but only two people hit him, once in each thigh. I’ve never seen two people so loopy in the head before… The woman pulled the arrows from his thighs, and when people told her to stab them deeper, she cut his wounds deeper with a rusty knife. Strangely, I wasn’t sick to the stomach, or scared… I just watched and prayed they wouldn’t talk to me, seems no one answered my prayers.
    I stood next to Rhynn, and Hood came over to me, knelt and kissed my hand. He asked me my name and asked if I would remove my hat so that he may see my face. I told him my name, but only took my hat off for a few seconds before placing back on my head. He pulled his hood back, and Drogo called him a ‘half caste’ because he had a beard which caused them to pull their swords, but the situation soon settled when he left.
    Just afterwards this man, who I can only assume to be a wizard, or someone with great control over the weave came over and told the woman to leave. Threats were thrown around before she summoned this really huge, ugly creature. More words were thrown around before they decided to go to the arena to fight it out, and prove who was the more powerful. I purchased the mahogany bow off of Addison, before running to try and catch up with Rhynn. I saw her further up the road, and when she said I should continue on, I said I was just following you… I don’t think she likes me following her… I wish she would just tell me if she doesn’t want me around.
    I’ve still been practising, learning how to focus the weave into an arrow before firing it off, but I’m still finding it hard to keep concentration, but I will get it. I will learn to focus on the arrow, I will get better with my bow, I will get better with the weave, and I WILL make you all proud of me... I promise.

[Yamada]

Entry 32
   
  One must be at one with the bow, and a way to do that is to actually make one
    Jacchri promised Abi, before she had died that he would teach me how to become a good archer, but only if I wanted to be taught. His first task for me is to make a hickory longbow… It’s a hard and gruelling job, as I can’t cut the wood alone, but I’m not going to give up! I’ve got to make you proud of me Abi, and I’m not going to stop until I do!
    Drogo gathered some branches for me, just before Barion came and chopped the wood for me. Drogo was angry, but there wasn’t anything I could do to stop him… plus I needed the wood…
    Rhynn was starting to act a little weird….but not much more than normal. This woman came along and delivered a letter to Rhynn while we were standing around. She wanted Rhynn to deliver a letter to Farmer Part near Thalos River.
    Rhynn, a few others and I headed out to Thalos River because Rhynn asked us to come along to keep her company. We were heading towards Leilon when these bandits jumped us on the road; thankfully no one was seriously hurt, although I had one or two bad cuts.
    It was a pretty relaxing journey from there on out really. We reached the farmers home and he invited us in for some dinner. Treana blurted out about Rhynn opening Farmer Parts letter, but thankfully the farmer still let us have dinner. It was a wonderful meal, and they even had dessert! This lovely pie, well, three different types of pie. I had one of each! This man came out of the back room as Farmer Part past out on the table, then everyone else around me started falling asleep, and I felt quite weak. Anna was trying to protect the others too, and then the wizard tried to cast some spells on us to keep us in place, but I think it backfired because we were able to resist them. He offered Anna and me one last chance to walk out, but I thought, what would Abi do in this situation, and so I pulled back on my bow string with the little strength I had left in my arms and I fired an arrow at the wizard.
    Sadly, the arrow just bounced off of him, leaving me to take a few steps back and to say a quick ‘erm…Uh-oh’. I think I had annoyed him because he started beating Anna up, and knocked her to the floor. Thinking now, maybe I should have pretended to fall asleep… yeah! Well anyways, he cast this thing on me which caused this big hand to envelop me and keep on squeezing tighter and tighter, and I couldn’t take it for very long before falling.
    When I awoke… well when I thought I awoke, we were in this strange maze dungeon thing. Everyone else was there to, everyone except Rhynn… There were lots of these strange creatures that kept on getting in our way as we tried to make our way through the maze like corridors, but when we finally made it through, we ended up in another maze looking room. This small man with wings came walking down the corridor, and he said that Saebhal had got us caught in this dream world, and that he didn’t have much control. He said that if destroy the power supply in the room we had just left from, that he should be weakened enough to allow us to go free. We headed back to the last room and everyone was looking around. I assumed it was the big pillar thing in the middle of the room, and I was trying to get erm…can’t remember her name… to shoot at it as quick as possible so we could go save Rhynn, but Rain kept on complaining that it might be a trap and that the throne might be the power source instead. I asked them to hurry and ignore Rain, who just seems to be really paranoid and doesn’t appear to trust anyone.
    Well anyways, she shot at the two pillars and the top pillar fell down and smashed the bottom one causing everything to start shaking and all of these bright explosions appeared all over the place, then this really big rift appeared in the floor and we were all sucked into it. When we appeared at the other end we were greeted by Saebhal (that’s the wizard’s name) and Rhynn.
    Rhynn seemed really happy to see us, but she kept on shouting at Saebhal. He got angry and transformed, but he was soon beaten, and he collapsed to the floor as he transformed back into his original form.
    Rhynn stabbed him…over and over and over and over… I don’t know what he did to her, but whatever it was… I hope I never make the same mistake. While everyone else was watching her, I was getting kind of panicky as the ground around us was shaking and exploding. I hurried around looking for an exit but couldn’t find one. When the world seemingly exploded we found that we had still been in a dream world, and we had awoken in Saebhal’s tower. Rhynn was sitting by Saebhal’s body while everyone was around her… I poked this big crystal in the middle of the room, and a small chunk fell off. I wasn’t sure if I had done something good or bad so I walked off whistling, trying not to act suspicious. The others picked it up and said that they should find somewhere safe to put him so that he isn’t disturbed again. I’m not sure who has it now though….
    Well anyways, then the tower starting exploding and caught fire, we had to run for dear life, from the place Rhynn calls her home. We stood by the river bank and watched as it collapsed… Following that, the group seemed to disband and go their separate ways. I headed back to Hlint and got some more woodwork done; I’ve run out of wood, although Storold has just given me a fresh batch of hickory, so I’ll get right back onto it. I did run into Rhynn but it was only a brief heya, as I was a little busy trying to work out this wood work business. I’m slowly learning the inner workings of the bow, but I believe I have a long way to go before I fully understand it.
    I’m still finding it hard to know who I am… Do I have a real me? I know I have a really old me, an old me, and the current me… but which one is the real one? Am I just an act? Does a real me even exist?
    I don’t really know… but as long as people like me, I don’t really care if there is a real me, as long as I act how I think I should, and do what I feel is right…

[Yamada]

Entry 33
   
  I’m trying to remember exactly what has happened in my life the last couple of days… for some reason I’m finding it hard to recall exactly what I did… maybe I haven’t meditated long enough…
    Right, the first thing I remember doing is looking for bow string. I asked Sh’anda, but she said she would need the silk before she could make it. I don’t know where else to get silk other than –there- and the other places I do know are a little too hard for me.
    Addison gave me some silk and Rhynn made some bow string for me…I hope Jacchri doesn’t mind…does the string count as part of the bow? It’s a big part of the bow… uh oh… I never thought about that. Well…I was able to make two longbows; I hope they’re okay…
    What else… erm that Hood man said he wanted to take me somewhere nice, so he took me into a room at Hlint inn. He said that I would have to fight him in the arena or he would kill me. I reluctantly agreed to fight him in the end just so he would possibly leave me alone. He said that if he won, I would have to declare my love for him and make out to people we were a couple, but he said if I won, he would leave me alone for good.
    When we were making our way to the arena I whispered to Rhynn to help me…but I swear she was trying to get me killed… she told him that I had been whispering to her, even though he said he would kill me if I did so…doesn’t she like me?
    She went off somewhere once we reached Fort Llast, so I slowly made my way to the arena. I said to him, since you’re the one that’s dragging me off to the arena, the least you could do is pay for my tickets, which he did. I suppose he is kind of nice at times… unless it was just so I didn’t mess around so we could reach the arena as soon as possible. When we got there, I told him that I can’t use melee weapons very well and that if possible could we do an archery match. He agreed, but I’m not sure if he was even trying to win…
    Someone I spoke to afterwards said that if he had used his shadow tricks more than once I would have been done for. I wonder why he lost to me… I fired as fast as I could, but still…why didn’t he use all of the skills he could have used. I would most probably be walking around declaring my love for him right this minute if he had pulled his swords… or I would be dead for refusing…
    After I beat him, all Rhynn did was laugh when I told her what he had done…sometimes I wonder which one of them is the evil one… but I’m sure it’s just in my head and Rhynn’s not doing anything she wouldn’t usually do…
    I saw Storold a few days later and I told him what had happened. He looked really worried as the Corathite seemed to have an interest in me… but Storold gave me some scrolls from Angela and this wand he had found in the great rift!
    I met this man called Daren briefly but he had to go somewhere pretty quickly. I saw him again slightly later and Rhynn gave him a guide around town. I joined along for the last bit of it, and I was just trying to make him laugh… and I just said something sarcastically, but Rhynn bit my head off again… I wonder if she doesn’t want me around anymore… All she has to do is say and I won’t come near her…
    I got invited to Rain’s wedding! I said I would help to make him some wine when I had the chance, but he said I really don’t have to as I’ve done enough by giving him the 7 bottles of mature wine, but I completely forgot to get the apples when he asked and I want to make up for it. I have to make some pretty clothes… It’s been awhile since I’ve wore a dress now… I’ve never made pretty clothes before…
    To give Rhynn some space, I decided to spend the rest of my time with Tath… he asked me why I was sitting in front of him, and I just said that I wanted to keep him company… I lied. I just wanted someone to keep me company…
    He’s a nice man when you get to know…I assume… I don’t really know him that well yet. I asked him if he had got an invite to Rains party, but he said he had but couldn’t make it. I don’t think I’ve got any more friends to ask…oh! Maybe Storold…
    Anyways, Tath took me out for some Squashification and he made some road side ornaments made up of badgers. He then took me to the mountains near Fort  Llast to show me his Squashification techniques. That was interesting to watch.
    When we got back to Hlint I saw Rhynn and lots of others, I tried to tell them of Tath’s skills, but I think Rhynn was ignoring me again, she wanted Tath to make her some pie, cause she had gone out and got all of the ingredients already.
    I wonder if it’s me… I wonder if I annoy her by being me…maybe I’ve decided to be the wrong me… I hope she doesn’t stay angry at me…
OH! And I've got rule six now to.
Rule six - no following strange men into rooms

[Yamada]

Entry 34
   
  Hmm, so much has been going on the last couple of days that I have absolutely no idea what to write about… It might be because I haven’t meditated for a while now and I’m just running off of reserves, yet for some reason I feel slightly hyper… I wonder if it’s something I’ve eaten or drank…
    Right, where to start, where to start…
    I travelled around with Rhynn, Jareg and Kiva quite a lot lately. At one point we even went to Xantril, although there were four others with us to, totalling eight people. We managed to travel to the tower that the dwarf said this dragon resided, but we didn’t bother entering. The trip back to the docks went well until we reached the giants really. The had this weird fascination for throwing big boulders in my general direction, then one dazed me and I got really hurt. Luckily someone healed me and I was able to get back to shooting the giants.
    When we arrived back on Dregar, Rhynn gave me a ‘Lesser ladies gift’ as a gift and also some arrows. Modifying those robes has got to be one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life… We travelled around Dregar for awhile enjoying the sights, Kiva, Jareg, Rhynn and myself of course, and then after a little while Tegan joined us believe, and a short while after we decided to head back to Hlint.
    Arriving back, I went off to try and make some wine for rain, but that big griffon stopped me in my tracks and so I couldn’t make it. I’m really sorry Rain.
    Rhynn presented me with my wizard’s staff! It was a little short but that’s okay, I extended it by a couple of feet. I’m not too sure what’s wrong with Rhynn lately… her behaviour seems to be erratic, but then I suppose it usually is anyways… It has settled down the last couple of days though so maybe she’s returning to normal.
    Anyways, we headed back out to Dregar a few days later, well I say we, she asked me to wait in Pranzis for her so I  sat in the town square patiently for her. Storold spotted me and kept me company for quite a few hours. I hope I didn’t ruin his plans.
    I still haven’t been able to find a friend to take with me to Rains wedding and party.
  I met Sonya though! That’s his fiancé. She’s really kind! Looks like I’ll be going alone as the days drawing near. I’m so excited! Oh! Where was I… erm, oh! Anyways after a few hours of speaking to Storold Rhynn, Kiva and Jareg arrived, and I joined them leaving Storold to get on with his business. Rhynn gave me a key to a house in Pranzis, but I’m not sure why the owner said it was okay for me to have a key… they must be a really trusting person. Well, we headed out towards the forest then into the desert where things got pretty bad for a little while. Storold must have been around as he healed me as I waited for Rhynn as I was bleeding quite a lot.
    Getting to that town in the middle of the desert, we split the loot and each popped to the bank when Storold turned up. I followed Rhynn over to the pond there, while Jareg, Kiva and Storold spoke. When we got back to them Kiva and Jareg had agreed to let Storold come along! With that we headed back into the desert, and all was going perfectly fine. Then Tegan turned up, Rhynn left, chaos in the party sort of struck then Kiva and Storold fell, and I had a giant close behind me chasing me down a hallway.
    Luckily Rhynn had returned, and Tegan was there waiting to and they were able to strike it down for me. Sadly things didn’t get much prettier after that point either, as with Kiva and Storold still lying crippled further along the path, Tegan and Rhynn went off to look for Jareg, not sure why though cause he was right in front of us…
  Well anyways, they ran into trouble and Rhynn was badly beaten to. Thankfully, Jareg was able to bring them back, and to make sure no more deaths happened that day, we had all decided to head off home.
    Rhynn went off ahead, leaving Storold and I to slowly make our way back to Pranzis. After we reached Pranzis, he gave me a hand to look for 230 Pranzis. Luckily it wasn’t too hard to find as it was this pretty big house on the corner. We parted ways and I used the portal provided to reach Hlint.
    Things got pretty bad later that day when a group of others and me were in Port Hampshire and we spoke to the Halfling again. Various things happened, resulting in us going to Blood desert on Mistone to find this man who was being protected by ogres. He had this shield, which apparently we had to have to stop this evil man from getting… I know we needed the shield but surely they could have gone about getting it a bit friendly, instead of brow beating him and cursing at him until we were able to make him fall asleep. The group, as a whole promised not to come near him and we promised not to touch his shield, and I said I would scream if anyone went near him, but some of them had a go at me so I just followed quietly afterwards.
   
  I had a nice talk with Treana afterwards as I was feeling really guilty, and this is pretty much what she said:
    There are two sources for every thought and action
  -Born of Selfishness
  -Born of Love
    To know which is which we need to examine our own hearts and ask why we do or think what we do.
    If we do something for our own benefit, then it comes to selfishness, but if we do it to benefit others, it’s born from love and ultimately helps us in the long run.
        We all make mistakes, and that’s where forgiveness comes in.
Forgiveness cannot be earned. It can only be received as a gift from the one whom the dept is owed.
 
    I like it… It’s something that should hopefully help me to always do what’s right, and make you all proud of me. I don’t care if they all hate me, at least I did what I felt was the right thing to do. I forgive them all for having a go at me. When they open their eyes and learn the different between right and wrong, they’ll see how I think. Although I suppose the taking of the shield was in the mans best interest… he may have gone insane and tried to rip his own face off, but if we hadn’t have took it, and the evil man got to him, then he would just be dead, instead of insane. The holy healers at Toran’s temple are looking after him, so he should be fine.
 
    There are some more new rules now.
    Rule seven – Don’t annoy Tath
    Rule eight – Shoot things that can’t shoot back, because they have to take time to get to you
    Rule nine – Never put strange items in your mouth, around your neck, in your pocket or on your finger.
    Rule ten – Never trust anyone in turquoise
 
  AH! I just realised! I STILL haven’t made my dress to wear for the wedding and party afterwards! Love you!

[Yamada]

 *more writing is written under the last entry*
    I totally forgot to tell you!
    The two hickory longbows I made, well Jacchri said they didn’t ‘speak’ to him and that I should try again to get it right. He said I will never be able to understand a bow if I cannot make one that speaks to the person using it. I’m going to try again and again and again until I can make a bow that speaks, to its user.
    Oh, and Rhynn has made me a swimsuit now, which means I can go swimming!
    I read this thing in the inn that there are some lessons open to all going on at the Arcane Alliances’ tower. I think I might come along so I can learn more about magic. It should help me understand the weave more.
   
 

[Yamada]

Entry 35
   
  One thing I forgot to mention, in my last entry was the time I spent with Angela! It was one of the most important things to happen to me and I completely forgot about it!
    I met up with Angela in Hlint and she asked me if I wanted to come help her get some ore from the red light caverns. We spent a lot of time just talking and catching up with things in general… We spoke about you Abi and about what I had been up to at sea and since I got back, oh and how she wanted to get to spend more time with me again.
    I met up with Jacchri again, and he said the bow was nicely made, but that it doesn’t ‘speak’ to him. I wonder what he meant. I haven’t made anymore hickory longbows yet, but I spoke to Ozy about it and he seems to think Jacchri may be losing it, as weapons cannot speak. I said about how he said you need to become one with the bow, and he started giving me examples of what the idea was so stupid… I suppose I’ll just have to try my best and see if I can do what Ozy deems impossible
    The wedding, Sonya and Rains, A marvellous day, but not one I would hope to repeat anytime soon. Helping Rain with the preparations before the wedding, we did some travelling with this nice guy called M.N. He asked me if he could be my escort to the wedding, I happily agreed. I gave Rain around 3000 gold. 2000 gold and in return he had to chop lots of wood for me, and another 1000 gold as a wedding present.
    While waiting around for M.N, as he said he would help me chop some wood, I was speaking to Rain, and he said I was to M.N taste. How was I supposed to know he meant that M.N liked me? I thought he wanted to eat me…  Well anyways, Sonya joined us for a little while, and she asked ME to be a bridesmaid! I was so happy, and I agreed to!
    Sonya left shortly after that, and after some wood cutting, I headed off to Krandor with Rain to pick up all the food. We managed to drag it all the way to the Freelancers tavern, and we spent hours and hours trying to set the chests in place! We were still there when the wedding had begun, and I, being a bridesmaid, Anna told me to quickly hurry to the ceremony to help keep Sonya calm while Rain was shoving chests around.
    When I got there, I told Sonya the situation and left her to talk to the other bridesmaids, only to then be told, from a whisper in the ear that Rain was on his way, and his left the ring at the Freelancers tavern! I had to quickly get out of my dress, and run as fast as possible to Anna, and when I arrived, she handed it to me, but I accidentally dropped it back into her bag and ran off! I almost got back only to realise what I had done and had to run back to her again, then back to the ceremony to hand the ring to Cy.
    The ceremony was Beautiful! I was fighting away tears during the whole ceremony, then after it Anna asked me to lead the couple and the guests to the Freelancers tavern shortly after she left. Trying to guide the people along, I asked M.N to get their attention, and even though we did so, they completely blanked us. We started walking along and waited further up the road, but it wasn’t until some of the others started coming along that the rest followed.
    Leading the group to the tavern, I greeted them and told them which ships to take, and greeted them at the door of the tavern before going in. Upon entering I walked around talking to the other guests, asking them all if they were enjoying themselves, and then sat into listen to the wonderful speech. When Rain and Sonya were dancing, I took a quick breather behind one of the chests, before M.N found be and asked me to dance. It was a really nice dance, I really enjoyed myself, but sadly M.N had some business to attend to so I just sat by the bar and tried to enjoy some rest for as long as I could… When I had finished resting my eyes/meditating, most of the guests had left, and there was still a lot of food left over. I made my way over to the food and piled up my plate, didn’t want to waste good food after all.
    Rain thanked me afterwards, after all the guests had left and gave me some more food and one or two gifts as a thank you present, then we headed back to Hlint where I sat around for some much needed rest.
    Hmm, what else happened? OH! A few days earlier, there was an open lesson class at The Arcane Alliances tower. I went along to sit in on Tath’s lesson. I’ve got it all wrote out, every last word mentioned. I’ll rewrite it into here when I have the chance.
    Well anyways, after the class we headed to the arena so that Tath could show us how certain spells work. That was enjoyable, but afterwards Tath agreed to have an archery match with me. We both used hickory longbows to make it fair, and we both used the same arrows.
    I won the dual, but Tath hit me in the thigh with his last shot, and it went in pretty deep. I’m not sure how long it’ll take to heal, but I replace the bandages everyday. It can be painful to walk on….you have no idea how much pain I was in during the wedding… thankfully I didn’t bleed onto my dress or anything, which was extremely lucky.
    Time to change these bandages… I’ll write in the lesson notes later.

[Yamada]

I was hoping to have all of the notes from class written out...but I only got about half way through it before a strong wind blew my notes out into the sea... I suppose what I have got will have to do.
  Necromancy 101
  Three simple rules that apply to magic in general, but especially to Necromancy:  First Rule – There are no constants in magic. No absolutes. Remember, Magic allows us to accomplish what others see as impossible, thus nothing is impossible.  That doesn’t mean to walk around with an invincible attitude, simply know that with work and application to a task, anything can be accomplished.  Second Rule – Magic is inherently neutral. People place titles of ‘good’ and ‘evil’ on magic far too often. It is neither good nor evil. It simply is ‘it’. Magic is power, and power for us is knowledge, knowledge cannot be good or evil, it is how knowledge is applied that allows it to be defined. Thus, you may know that others call ‘evil’ and find distasteful. It doesn’t mean you have to use the spell because it will not become evil until after you act with said knowledge.  Rule Three – Death magic does hurt no matter what others tell you, however, should you be confronted by someone (Paladins) that will find it vile remember this simple argument.  ‘Death magic is faster and less painful than being slowly roasted alive over an open pit like a wild boar, and should that fail also point out that Paladins use swords and axes specifically to end suffering to end suffering quickly. Death magic does the same.’  Now, many people choose to selectively learn which necromancy spells appeal to them the most; usually skipping a good dead of spells in their progression until they reach a certain point. I find this to be a distasteful way of learning myself.  If you do not learn from the ground up, so to speak, you cannot fully comprehend how the magic you are wielding works…so let us begin with a question. What is necromancy? I want a simple answer, nothing fancy.  Answer: Necromancy is an order of spells that manipulate, create or destroy life.  To break it down simply, Clerics create life or restore it rather with raise dead spells. Spells that resurrect one’s body and returns its soul. Manipulating like would be animation on undead creatures, though this is not always a bad thing but we’ll look into that later.  And last to destroy life; well, I believe it’s self evident where in necromancy spells are used to destroy life so we’ll leave it at that.

[Yamada]

Entry 36
   
  After either eating too much or eating something which was slightly off, I lay quietly on a bed holding my stomach, and recovering from what I can only assume to be food poisoning. I’m okay now though! Wasn’t really anything serious it was just painful.
    As I walked back out into the bustling roads of Hlint, I found myself facing the ever changing, ever different forms of Rhynn. I don’t believe, like I, that she has truly found the real her, unless she has found it, and doesn’t like it. I don’t mind really, although the pretty close relationship we once has seems to be slowly disappearing into the night sky, as she goes off with new friends, and sadly to say, the same as myself. It appears our paths only crossed for little under a year… and if things carry on as they are I suppose I will lose contact with the person I deem to be my closest friend. I suppose that’s strange really… How, although now days we hardly speak, hardly wave or nod to each other in the street, I still deem her my closest friend. I know that I can still trust her, and although she appears to be walking her own path she still calls out my name every now and then, and she even present me with a bow as a gift the other day. I’ll have to try and find her a gift in return, but I’m glad to say that my friendship with Rhynn isn’t being buried, but just lays dormant, opening it’s eyes now and then to see the world, before slowly drifting away again.
    Oh, and Trysk has returned from his great adventure. He said that while sailing there was a great storm wrecking the ship. When I told him it had been about seven to eight years since I had gone, he was completely shocked by the fact he had been gone so long. I told him about… yours, Abi’s death, and he was completely shocked. We went to the Wild Surge inn as he said he needed some ale. Five ales later, and a fair bit of conversation passed, I decided to leave him to think over things.
    I went out for a nice walk with M.N, and we sat by this lonely tree in Krandor, straight in front of the place Rain is staying. We talked for hours and hours and hours, and we found that we both had a lot in common… We bother lived very comfy lives, never leaving from a single place, and in fact for both of us, if the events that happened never happened then we would never have even left at all…
    He told me he had feelings for me… I told him I’d need time and that I was unsure of if I really want it… it being love… He said he understood and just smiled at me…
    I’m not really sure if I love him, I –think- I do… but I’m not sure… what if me falling for M.N really hurts Storold… am I even ready for a relationship? There are so many questions going on in my head, so many things that I want to be able to answer about this, but if I were to understand everything before telling him my feelings for him, that’s if they are even there at all… I don’t know what I’m supposed to be feeling… what does –love- feel like...

[Yamada]

Entry 37
   
  I wonder why it is, that every time I go to write in my journal, I can never think of what to write, yet I still manage to dabble on a bit.
    There seems to be only one subject on my mind at the minute, and it’s a difficult one at that… M.N told me he loved me, I’ve told you about that already, but now Storold has also told me that he loves me…
    Two of the kindest, sweetest and gentlest men I have ever met… and they both love me…
    I don’t know what to write… what do I do? Should I choose one of them? Put their names in a hat and go for a lucky dip? Stand blind folded, spin around and keep on firing arrows till I hear one of them scream? Run away and live alone in a small house in a forest for the rest of my days? The gods must hate me this day to expect me to know what –love- is, what –love- feels like. Expect me to know which one I –love-, I don’t know which one I –love- I think I love them both, but I don’t know… I don’t truly know what love feels like… Rain gave me some questions to answer to help me to decide which one I love… I suppose I may as well write out the questions and see what it comes out as…
   
  Storold
    Do you miss him more than you miss a friend?
  Yes and No
    When you are near him does your heart jump when he calls your name?
  Yes
    Do you ever find yourself thinking about him as more than just a friend?
  Yes
    When he looks at you do you feel like the world is fading away?
  I don’t know what does that feel like?
     
M.N
    Do you miss him more than you miss a friend?
  Yes and No
    When you are near him does your heart jump when he calls your name?
  Yes
    Do you ever find yourself thinking about him as more than just a friend?
  Yes
    When he looks at you do you feel like the world is fading away?
  I don’t know what does that feel like?
 
    Do you miss him more than you miss a friend…? I do miss them both a lot more than I do a lot of my friends… but I don’t miss them more than I miss you Abi… and how do you know what the world fading away is like? Do I even love either of them? Or is it just my head telling me that I should love someone… anyone…?
    They both make me feel like I can succeed at anything; they both give me flowers, and help me with whatever help I need. They both have told me that if I love another, and choose them over them, they would still be happy for me.
    I don’t know what to do…how am I suppose to react in this situation? What should I do? Should I just choose? I feel so lost…
    Whatever I do…someone has to get hurt… I love them both… I can’t just ‘choose’… you can’t choose love… why are you doing this to me Ilsare?
    I want to spread my wings, and fly away, free like an arrow to ride the currents of the wind, to pierce the darkness and to just love forever…  
    I can’t choose… I won’t hurt them… what can I do? There’s nothing left I can do is there?
    What do I do? What should I do?
    Please help me............anyone......

[Yamada]

Entry 38
   
  Thank you for the advice Abi… I’m still not sure if it was just the sounds of the wind, or I’m losing my mind, but I heard you… and I thank you for helping me once more…
    Before I get into that though… I think I’ll start with all of the other stuff that has been happening.
    I spent more time with Serissa the other day. We spent most of the time talking about clothes; it was a welcome distraction to all that has been on my mind lately. We were originally planning on making some swim suits, but while Serissa was working I got a wonderful idea for a new dress.
    It’s really pretty, and is held on by this thick layer of cloth that goes around the stomach. I made one for Serissa and Anna to. They both seem to really like it, which I’m happy about. Come to think about it… I still haven’t made a new swimsuit. Maybe I’ll make one later.
    I went travelling with Serissa a little while afterwards. We met up with Barion and some others to. They said we’d be heading to a place called ‘Firesteep’. I wasn’t too sure where, or what the place was like when we set out on the journey, running across the plains invisible, before making our way through the forest before reaching this small harbour. That’s when we sailed to…Firesteep; an amazing, yet hostile place, with mighty jumps and climbs, and even greater perils.
    As we carefully made away past swarms of creatures, and cleared near impossible jumps, we made our way deep into the mountains, the air filled with a chill, yet the heat of the volcano kept you warm… a mixture of feelings and emotions, messing with your senses, made some of the climbs that should have been easy extremely hard. It’s not a place I would like to visit again until I am more aware of my abilities.
    We fought our way past the creatures, and finally made it to the deepest reaches of Firesteep. There was a great door, but we dare not press on, quickly mining what ore’s we could, we made our way back to the dwarven mining house, and rested up before continue our way out of the great debts of Firesteep.
    The moment I set foot on the boat, I was relieved, relieved that I was finally off Firesteep, and able to head back to Hlint, where I could avoid such dangers… although a great decision still lay ahead of me… and still does.
    I made my way to Hurm with Barion and Serissa, and the journey was made quite easy, apart from the exhausting jog, as we had been made invisible by one of the wizards that travelled with us. As we allowed ourselves to catch our breaths when we arrived in Hurm, we began talking about various things, although most of the conversation was filled with how be believed Barion was a hero. He kept on denying any rights of being a hero, but I told him, you may not think you’re a hero, but you’ll always be my hero. He said he would accept that, and Serissa headed to the inn. Barion and I went with her because Barion said it was dangerous there. As Serissa went in to rest Barion stood guarding the door, and I assume he stood there all night…
  I also saw Rhynn that day to, she had finally got the horse she had always wanted, and she has even managed to teach herself how to use a bow and rapier. I wish I could be like her… she has no limits, no boundaries… she’s my best friend, and one of the most amazing people I have ever had the honour of meeting. I spent most of the day before out with Storold collect wood, Quilus even helped now and then when we needed to gather some oak. I worked and worked and worked, and managed to make 98 blank scrolls of hickory and 40 blank scrolls of oak for Rhynn’s scribing.
    I managed to progress with my training with Jacchri. He said my bow whispered, although it didn’t speak, it was still really good. His next task to help me understand the ways of the archer, and also to become a good archer was to make 100 of each type of feathered arrow, falcon, raven, stirge and owl. Working together with Storold, I was able to gather the copper, and the feathers, and I was able to create 100 of each type of arrow… I accidentally used up 15 of my falcon arrows though, so I went back to work with some of my spares, and with my last piece of oak I managed to make 20 copper falcon oak arrows. I’m really starting to understand the difference between the arrows now and how important it is to use different arrows on different enemies.
    I need to try and look for Jacchri to show him the arrows and get my next assignment. Oh! And I’ve even improved with my control over the weave to! I’ve managed to cast bull’s strength, cats grace and invisibility so far. Rhynn was going to teach me how to cast ghostly visage when there’s times to.
    Well… back to the matter at hand I suppose… you said to me…
    “you don't love either of them...if you did you would have known...love strikes you down and you instantly know it....your own doubt should answer your own questions....”
    It was more a whisper as I pleaded for help… it may not have even been you… but those are the words that I heard from the passing wind, and I thank you.
    I have realised that I mustn’t love either of them… love strikes blindly, and although I do love them both, I don’t feel I love them that way… My first love… when I felt it for the first time, it hit suddenly… and I instantly fell in love… and although the relationship didn’t continue we still loved each other.
    That’s the feeling I should feel again when I finally fall in love… not this feeling on confusing and lose… I have to let M.N and Storold know my decision… but I don’t want to hurt them… I hope they will forgive me…

[Yamada]

*The writing is erratic and doesn’t seem to follow a straight line or look as neat as Nyyana’s usual handwriting*
 
  Entry 39
 
  I can’t see
    very well…
  I man
   aged to mak said that
   e my way to the in hlint and she she believes
   healer all of the soot making arrow
   I inhaled while heads has
   effected my ey
   esight…
 
  S
  he said that should go af am I sup
   the blurriness ter a few days… how pose to make th
   ese
  arrows n
   ow…
     
  I’ I’ll managed some ll have to
   m sure how… I’ make them using to
   ouch…
  When I w lier I ran into Sa’kura…
   As north of Hlint ear She helped me g
   athers et some bird
  fe
 
  All I ca e are blurs… I managed to sh wn but I had to rely o
   n se shoot the orcs do n my hearing al
   one…
 
  I ho …..
   Pe this g on.. …
   oes so
 
(Just incase you're too tired of just can't be bothered to make sense of that i'll rewrite it here so it's easier on the eyes.)  
 
I can’t see very well…
    I managed to make my way to the healer in Hlint and she said that she believes all of the soot I inhaled while making arrowheads has effected my eyesight…
    She said that the blurriness should go after a few days… how am I suppose to make these arrows now…
    I’m sure I’ll manage some how… I’ll have to make them using touch…
    When I was north of Hlint earlier I ran into Sa’kura… She helped me get some bird feathers.
    All I can see are blurs… I managed to shoot the orcs down but I had to rely on my hearing alone.
    I hope this goes soon……..

[Yamada]

Entry 40
 
        Hmm, It’s been awhile since I’ve wrote now, those children take up a lot of my time, and I love every minute of it.  Where should I start? I suppose I’ll start with what happened in more detail about my blinding…
   
  I had gone found Barion and he asked me if I wanted to start working on the arrowheads, agreeing we made our way to his house to get some ore. We were there for a little while then we went upstairs to one of the rooms…and your journal... what little of it there was… was there. I will find you again you know… I was talking to Ozy, he said that Barion must be insane, everyone that commits suicide are taken to ‘the Abyss’, and if not there, the only other place you would be is ‘the Grey Waste’… He agreed to tell me about them over time, so that when I do travel there I would have at least a small chance to survive. I’m grateful to him.
   
  After Barion let me work my way through a chest of junk and pick out what I wanted, we made out way to Lake Alon to dig for clay. The process was a long and hard one, but the rain made it a lot easier. Heading back to the craft hall we got to work… that tinkering machine is a dangerous piece of equipment. What with all the soot it kept on blasting out, I was fine at first, and I don’t know exactly what it was, but for some reason I went blind. I was blind for about 4 days… but thankfully Sh’anda and Ash helped me to get my vision back. Thank you!
   
  I went to Port Hampshire shortly after with Anna and a few others. We started talking then heard this man signing people up to come to New Haven. After throwing questions at him, not literally, Anna signed up, and everyone else soon followed. What the man proposed was wonderful… A place where no one fights, everyone works together… As we waited for the ship we saw this small girl swimming in the water. Some of the others dove in after her, but she quickly got away and Anna caught up with her at the docks. Her name was Kymra. She told us about how everyone there was really boring and about how even all of the other children didn’t want to play. She said that they were going to get her next so she ran. Some of the others believed it to be a mind spell, or brain washing, but the ship to New Haven had already left or something I believe, I wasn’t really taking notice, so we’ll have to wait for next time to go see what really is happening there.
   
  We took Kymra, Anna and I that is, back to the Freelancers. I told Anna how I wished I was 100 years younger so that I could live there and have fun. She smiled at me and said I can always come round to play. I felt really hungry so I asked her if I could buy something to eat, Kymra had gone off to meet some of the other children, and she seems to be fitting in pretty well. After eating I spent a few days there just playing with the children. They seem to really love my story times, although to be truthful they’re starting to run my imagination dry, I’m running out of idea’s… maybe I’ll get some inspiration when I next go travelling… Anna asked me to come follow her, and we went upstairs with all the children. While all of the children went off to play, I sat listening to Anna, Seteece and Quillwem. I’m not going to go into anything about what they were discussing, mainly because I only heard small parts of it as I was too busy watching the children. Afterwards I told them how I wasn’t too sure what I had to do with any of it, and that I was just looking after the children. It seems when I had asked Anna if I could become a Freelancer and help with the bar work and with the children she had talked with the others about it, and Seteece said he would be honour if I would join. I accepted without even allowing for a heart beat… Elebrathe Mercenaries are no more… but they always live on in my heart.
   
  I did have an argument with Kiva about Abi; he said she doesn’t deserve anything from me and how she was pathetic for ending her own life. He said he didn’t want to fall out with a friend and stopped talking, so I did the same. I told him how the only reason I live now is to make Abi proud of me… but things are different these days… so little time after that argument with Kiva, a little under a two weeks, and I have a whole new reason to live, to look after the children and to help out at the Freelancers. I love it at the Freelancers.
   
  My training with Jacchri is coming on in leaps and bounds. When I first started I wasn’t too enthusiastic about having to make my own arrows, but all my friends help me and now I make arrows whenever I have a chance. I’m learning which arrows need to be used in certain situations, or if some of the special made arrows are even needed at all in some circumstances. Jacchri said he was almost impressed with how every time he gives me a task, like making a set of arrows, I do one better and make some arrows of the next grade up, along with the ones he asked for, of course. My archery is improving greatly, and even my skill with the weave is getting a lot better. I still practise that technique Storold taught me to try to imbue the arrow with the weave, although I’m starting to wonder if that’s really the best way to go about it.
  I’m a little worried at the minute, because Jacchri’s next task for me is to study a wand of true strike and to try and try to actually learn the spell itself… it’s beyond me though… I have a strong presence of necromancy about me… I can’t learn the spell even though I want to…which means I’ll fail for the first time at a task for Jacchri…
   
  Another little thing I’ve been working on is finding out my name in as many languages as possible. Most people know now that my birth name is ‘Cute’, although I do prefer Nyyana myself. I’ve managed to find out my name in about 10 languages now, although some of them don’t have words for cute, and Ozy gave me something that’s close to it.
   
  Common – Cute
  Halfling – Sodi
  Elven – Nyyana
  Infernal – R’da
  Dwarven – Zi’ka
  Draconic – Stondri
  Abyssal – Geee (It means ‘toy’)
  Highdrow – Yinvezz (It means ‘pretty’)
  Florana – L’dislò’i (It means ‘young beauty’)
  Ancient Wintertongue – S’sin’ystira

[Yamada]

Entry 41
   
  Spending the last few days in the Freelancers, I’ve just been trying to get away from it all. I’ve worked behind the bar even though we aren’t usually open just so that I could lose myself.
    I saw Rhynn on the first night I started serving… She said that when Storold wasn’t around me he was always complaining about how he did stuff for me and I gave nothing in return. I’m not sure if that was Rhynn’s strange way of looking at things but Anna said not to take much notice as he has been fine around her…
    This whole Storold and M.N situation… I didn’t know what to do. I was walking past Blackford towards Leilon so I could sail onwards to Point Harbour but I ran into Anna. I really don’t know where I’d be without her advice. She’s another one of my hero’s.
    She said that I care for people too much… and I keep on putting the entire burden onto myself so that I don’t hurt them. She said if I couldn’t say it to them; write them each a letter detailing my feelings…
    I saw Ash just before leaving Anna, she seems to be progressing well, and I pray things continue to go well.
    As I stood in the bar, looking down at the parchment, and the quill in my hand and the vial of ink… I just stood there. I just couldn’t pour my heart and soul out onto the letters… I ended up just crying, the children were asleep, and I just cried over… nothing.
    When I finally managed to get down and start writing I just explained to both of them how I wasn’t ready for love, and I didn’t want it at the moment… Storold wants to take me on a picnic and he told me he knew it would take time for me to fall in love and that he’ll still be there… M.N just grinned at me, hugged me and said ‘we’ll talk later’…
    I don’t know what to do… for some reason or another I thought that as soon as I gave them both a letter everything would just get better… but it’s not better; if they both still love me even after I’ve told them my feelings then I’ve just took a step forward only to be flung back a mile…
    Anna said that whatever happened after I gave them the letters would be their fault… not mine… but what if they just continue trying to win my love… what if M.N finds out about Storold and they start competing or something…
    I spoke with Quill and he said I should stop showing them that I care about them…I didn’t even know I was…I thought I acted the same way around everyone… do I? Don’t I? He said I shouldn’t get myself into any situations where I am alone with either of them…
    I don’t know what to do… I’ve done nothing but collect fruit to make more drinks for the non-alcohol chest… I think I’ll continue just to keep busy and maybe keep away from both M.N and Storold… I want them both in my life… I really do… But Ilsare has them both by the heart and neither of them want to stop loving me… why is my life never easy…
  **Two sealed envelopes are present with the journal entry. One entitled ‘To M.N’ and the other ‘To Storold’**

[Yamada]

Entry 42
   
  I really don’t know what goes on in my head… I decided to write out everything my mind thinks of and just write it all down, and give it to Anna to read and try to help me…
    I just… you would have thought, since I am in control of my own body, that I’d be able to tell what in the name of Elebrathe goes on deep in my mind… but I can’t… I don’t understand me… all I hope is that by doing this at least one person understands me…
    I worked the bar almost all evening. I started at my normal start time, and finished late into the night. It’s certainly a lot of fun, and you never know what’s going to happen next… It was the busiest I’ve even seen it last night, but Anna and I managed pretty well, although we now know apple juice appears to be a favourite.
    Just before opening, while Anna was resting I travelled all over Mistone, and most of Dregar collecting fruits as we were out of non-alcoholic drinks. I managed to get most drinks in, and I was even able to get a nice batch of blueberries for the pie Anna is making Ash.
    I still don’t know what to do about Storold and M.N… I do like them and all… but I really do not love them that way… I’m not sure if any amount of time could ever change that… It’s not that I don’t want to love like that… it’s just I’m too afraid too… but even so... the one thing I've always been able to feel from my heart is when I am deeply in love...
    Ah I don’t know… I continue to practise my archery whenever I get the chance, and am still studying this wand, but I just can’t seem to learn the magic behind it… I suppose it’s the presence of necromancy about me… who knows… there’s so little I know…
    I’m just so annoyed at myself… even now, I’m too wrapped up in my own mess and loss to notice when anyone else is in pain… I know Anna… it’s not my fault… but I don’t think I’ll ever think any differently… but I’m sure you’ll help me to...

[Yamada]

Entry 43
 
    I don’t know why thoughts plague my mind so much lately… I see things as I meditate that I can only deem as….as… I don’t know…
    They only seem to occur when first starting to meditate… as soon as I’m in deep meditation they go away… but it’s hard to get that deep with those images in my head… I’m sure it’s nothing…
    M.N accepted the fact I only wished to be friends, and he said he understands. I feel even though we’re back to being friends again I’m still acting oddly around him… I suppose I just don’t want to get into that position where he continues to love me…
    Storold on the other hand… I’m not really sure where or what happened…
  All I know, is that Storold is waiting for me to send him a letter when I am ready for him to love me… but I’ll never be ready for that… If I send him the letter anyways it will hurt him… if I don’t… surely it would hurt him to… but it was his choice… I sent the letters… and they both made their choices… so I suppose it just means… I’ll never see Storold ever again…
    My diary entries have been lacking lately… I place it down to me spending all my time battling through the forest of the mists to gather fruits… but that would be a lie as I don’t shoot a single arrow, I rely on the weave to get me through… I suppose I just haven’t known what to write… I’ve been writing everything that has come into my mind onto scrolls and just given them to Anna to read… to see if she can understand me.
    I’ve continued to practise my archery, going out and training whenever I have the chance… although that isn’t really as often as it used to be now that I prefer to use all my time doing stuff for the Freelancers. My current exercise in archery is a simple one. I grab a wooden box, which is hard to sink. I then throw it as far as I can out to sea… and I simply shoot at it, trying to improve my aim and to see how many arrows it takes for me to sink it… I’ve discovered the wand Jacchri wanted me to study really helps with the aiming… I tried to learn the spell itself… but, there was no hope. I’ll just have to make sure I have some wands or gems on me…
    I prefer it to archery ranges… the waves and current give you a moving target which allows for much better practise. I’m not sure if I’d ever want to go against Jacchri though… that’d be an instant loss for me I would have thought… but then maybe one day when I get better…
    I suppose I’ll get back to the children… I promised to try and make a pie for them… wish me luck… I’ll need it…

[Yamada]

Entry 44
   
  I don’t know what this feeling is that floods my veins… it grips my bones and strikes at my heart… It’s a feeling that has been with me for years… and will probably be with me till the day I die…
    Do you ever get that thought; that wish deep inside you where you wish you still lived your childhood… My childhood at the Elebrathe Guildhall was one of the greatest times of my life…
    I just sometimes wish I was still there… or 100 years younger and living here… with Anna… hardly a worry in the world… dreams; it’s all it is really, a deep desire of wanting what I can no longer have...
    I’m just wasting my life away; I do nothing but gather stuff for the Freelancers, or for Quilus. I got to see Rhynn again; I sat with her for as long as possible… Her responses of patting me lightly on the head; although to some would maybe be annoying, made me feel comfortable and safe. Everything always feels better when I’m around Rhynn…
    I’ve gone travelling; travelled with some friends; just a walk across Dregar… I got to forget my worries for awhile…
    I spend a lot of my time within the forest of mists… a place of such beauty; such peacefulness, yet filled with great dangers… many times have I found myself in the middle of the mists grasp. The simple rule one of the rangers at Vale told me, is that when the mist envelops me I should sit quietly, preferably by a tree.
    I find it to be the most relaxing experience; to be lost within the sheet of white, the relaxing calm of the forest it creates. Nothing but peace… it’s lonely, that’s a certainty… but with nothing but silence, it places the mind into relaxation… the forest goes into a slumber as all who lie in its depths await the retreat of the mist.
    I find, what with me spending a lot of time alone lately, that I can never really think of anything to write… although I have been writing quite a lot lately, it’s just that I write them on separate scrolls… they’re for Anna, and to whoever she wishes to show…
    I wonder what my deepest fear… is; for I can feel it… I just can’t reach it…