Dark Sucker Theory

[lonnarin]

for Doc and all the other crazies out there, ran across this in a conspiracy forum.  Gave me a really good laugh.

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For years, it has been believed that electric bulbs emit light, but recent information has proved otherwise. Electric bulbs don't emit light; they suck dark. Thus, we call these bulbs Dark Suckers. The Dark Sucker Theory and the existence of dark suckers prove that dark has mass and is heavier than light.

First, the basis of the Dark Sucker Theory is that electric bulbs suck dark. For example, take the Dark Sucker in the room you are in. There is much less dark right next to it than there is elsewhere. The larger the Dark Sucker, the greater its capacity to suck dark. Dark Suckers in the parking lot have a much greater capacity to suck dark than the ones in this room.

So with all things, Dark Suckers don't last forever. Once they are full of dark, they can no longer suck. This is proven by the dark spot on a full Dark Sucker.

A candle is a primitive Dark Sucker. A new candle has a white wick. You can see that after the first use, the wick turns black, representing all the dark that has been sucked into it. If you put a pencil next to the wick of an operating candle, it will turn black. This is because it got in the way of the dark flowing into the candle. One of the disadvantages of these primitive Dark Suckers is their limited range.

There are also portable Dark Suckers. In these, the bulbs can't handle all the dark by themselves and must be aided by a Dark Storage Unit. When the Dark Storage Unit is full, it must be either emptied or replaced before the portable Dark Sucker can operate again.

Dark has mass. When dark goes into a Dark Sucker, friction from the mass generates heat. Thus, it is not wise to touch an operating Dark Sucker. Candles present a special problem as the mass must travel into a solid wick instead of through clear glass. This generates a great amount of heat and therefore it's not wise to touch an operating candle.

Also, dark is heavier than light. If you were to swim just below the surface of the lake, you would see a lot of light. If you were to slowly swim deeper and deeper, you would notice it getting darker and darker. When you get really deep, you would be in total darkness. This is because the heavier dark sinks to the bottom of the lake and the lighter light floats at the top. The is why it is called light.

Finally, we must prove that dark is faster than light. If you were to stand in a lit room in front of a closed, dark closet, and slowly opened the closet door, you would see the light slowly enter the closet. But since dark is so fast, you would not be able to see the dark leave the closet.

Next time you see an electric bulb, remember that it is a Dark Sucker

[D Blaze]

wow, that really sucks the dark off of a few things, thank you for sharing.

[Dorganath]

Ah, this brings back memories.....

[Marswipp]

I smell something funky!!

Televisions and computer monitors also drink the dark...

[Harloff]

Why do you call this theory crazy seems sound to me...

[lunchboxkilla]

Plausible therory now prove it with mathmatics!

[ZeroVega]

lunchboxkilla - 12/8/2005 8:44 AM Plausible therory now prove it with mathmatics!

  Ah ha! But the purpose of science is not to prove something, it's to try and disprove it! If you run experiments again and again and again to disprove something over an extended period of time eventually it would be accepted as fact. However if you try to prove something you're entering into the experiment with a bias towards it and may make a subconcious mistake that will cause it to be proven when it shouldn't be! Therefor! Try to disprove it!

[Harloff]

*nods* if the theory is true a box filled with darkness will be heavier than a box filled with water. Hence weigh these two different kinds of boxes and you will have the answer. *runs off to find a dark room in which he can fill his box*

We could of course do it the monthy python way. "darkness doesn't float in water, but are there other things that doesn't float in water?"

[Red Monkey]

*Makes a note of all participants*
  Do not be surprised if unmarked helicopters fly by your residences....terrorist search, that's all. Nothing to do with this...nope.

[Harloff]

You may take our lives, but you will never take our freedom (to believe in the darksucker theory)

[Red Monkey]

*Adopts a strange accent*
  That shall be small consolidation when you are shackled to my *AHEM* a table and have electrodes in your skull.  You will have the freedom to poop your pants my dark loving friend.
  In the meantime I am late for my annual "Down with Blue Food" convention.

[Harloff]

You may be able to kill me, but our numbers are growing each minute, and eventually we will have world domination. *lifts a cartboardbox filled with darkness over his head with the intend to crusch red monkey with it*:

[LoganGrimnar]

we should add a knockdown effect to the darkness spells now ahha... like a str check dc 20.

[miltonyorkcastle]

*smiles*

[Dorganath]

Harloff - 12/8/2005 8:54 AM  *nods* if the theory is true a box filled with darkness will be heavier than a box filled with water. Hence weigh these two different kinds of boxes and you will have the answer.

  This is true...Darkness is actually quite heavy because by definition, it isn't light. *grins*
  Though darkness is an elusive substance, as most attempts to trap it and contain it have either failed miserably or lacked sufficient proof that the darkness ever existed within a given container.  The difficulty lies in the nature of human observation, as our eyes do not perceive darkness but rather the lack thereof. Scientific instruments, likewise, do not directly detect darkness but rather the lack thereof. This has confounded scientists hoping to prove their contained darkness experiments, as all attempts at observation seem to result in the darkness being sucked out of a given container upon observation.
  Early experiments using the darkness-filled box example resulted in frustration as the darkness would escape as soon as the box was emptied, leading scientists of the time to believe that darkness had properties similar to those of gasses.  However, it was discovered that darkess can easily pass through certain materials that we now call "transparent" while being blocked by others.
  Current scientific schools of thought consider opaque containers to be good vessels for holding and storing darkness, but difficulties in observational verification have kept this concept in the realm of theories rather than scientific fact.

[Red Monkey]

A box of darkness eh?.....
  As long as we are using imaginary weapons.....I believe my light of reason *Now in bottles!* can nullify your weapon....and rarely can a simple box hit a monkey....
  Guns yes....nets yes....a sexy monkey decoy and drugged food.. no comment.
  I scoff at your box....scoff scoff.

[Harloff]

LIES LIES, the goverment is paying you all to say these things. However, darkness will prevail, long after all of you are dead and gone darkness will still be here growing stronger and stonger.

*opens his box of darkness and attacks red monkey, hoping that he is the only one with the "blind fight" feat*

[Red Monkey]

Taking on a species that flings it own poop, in the dark....is never wise.
  There will be no survivors here today....*slips on a gas mask*

[lonnarin]

three things come to mind in support of the argument

1) Black Holes- big dark masses that suck everything into them that comes near!  Bloody proof that dark has mass!  It's one big ol spot of dark!  To disperse a black hole would take enough dark suckers to compromise a legion of suns *ultimate dark suckers)

2) Dark Metal- the heaviest form of music around.  Glamrock is all shiny and sparkly with high pitched helium voices and light guitar solos... dark metal is heavy heavy chords and the singer sounds like he gargles with drano... way heavy.  Don't belive me?  Compare and contrast Dimmu Borgir to Cindarella

3) it is always dark under the bed, but not quite so oftn on top of it.  That's because dark matter is heavier than light matter and settles snugly to the bottom.  Those mosters that nip at your toes at night if they hang over the edge?  surely collectives of dark matter gaining sentience

We can also assume that there is indeed casual friction by dark when it is sucked from a position towards a dark sucker...  fact: it is cold in space and on the dark side of the moon, though in direct path of the sun's dark-sucking rays it is scorching hot!  If an astronaught were to walk on the light sight of the moon, no doubt he would be vaporized by all the friction caused by the dark sucking.  What is it then that keeps us from being fried on earth?  Our atmosphere... in other words, clouds.  Ever stood under a cloud?  it gets DARKER and cooler!  That's because its inhibiting the flow of the darksucker sun and helping insulate our dark particles.

[Stephen_Zuckerman]

Ah, but where does the dark COME from?