Demader Gis'Seorsa - musings and mutterings

[Rotagon]

 

From the Journals of

Demader Gis’seorsa

  
 
            Running – always running.  There are few memories from the time before the running that come completely clear.  Though, the feelings of hate, anger and fear hold dominion over my heart as distinct impressions from that time.  And then there was the running.  My mother took me from our dark home and we set out alone in the Underdark – fugitives – hunted by those that would call us blood.  I was only a handful of days from my naming day when my mother told me that we must flee.  I was to be sacrificed for the glory of Vierdri'ira – given to her as a token of the High Priestess’ devotion.
            My mother, a minor priestess of the clergy, had always been seen as odd and not trusted completely.  She was constantly given the most menial of tasks and abused for her differences.  When I was born, she knew that a time would come when she would no longer be allowed to keep me, and so she hid me as best as she could from the eyes of the Sisterhood.  However, nothing ever escapes their notice forever.  I was discovered and plans were made for me – plans with a quite bloody end.
            The short time that we lived with our kin was fraught with danger and pain.  I have blocked most of this from my conscious memory – but in my dreams, it is all too real.  My memories of the Underdark as clouded as well, but from time to time, they come back to haunt me yet.  Fear, danger, pain, hunger, solitude, and the silence – ever the silence and running.  We dreaded our slightest sound.  My mother taught me the hand sign language of our race so that we might converse without making any noise.  There were times when I went months without hearing anything but the sound of our breathing and footsteps as we ran through the passages of the Underdark.
            We continued to run because we were hunted.  My mother knew that the High Priestess would send out her very best to catch us and bring us back.  The sacrifice was not all that we would face then – torture, pain, punishment, humiliation, every imaginable thing would be done to us before we were given over to the altar.  And so we ran.
            Eventually, my mother finally sought solace in the surface world, hoping to evade our pursuers for good.  We emerged one night at the dark of the moon and ran for our lives as the hunters were drawing close.  The surface world, at first sight, was even more terrifying than the prospect of being tortured and sacrificed.  The smells, sights and sounds were overwhelming to me then.  I have since come to love each and every nuance of the world around me.  I had to, in order to overcome the fear.
            We continued running by night and sleeping in caves and hovels by night.  We avoided all contact with surface dwellers and kept on this way for many years.  My mother, bereft of all of her powers, was at a loss as to how to care for her and me.  Together, we improvised and made do with things that we found around us.  I began studying the flora and fauna by moonlight.  We spent many a day sick to our stomachs from eating plants that were better left on the outside of one’s body – luckily, by observing the animals, we came to know which plants were good to each, and which were poison.  We fashioned clothing from the skins of animals, and tools from wood and rocks.  We carried only that which we could not do without, or would take us a great deal of time to recreate, and we ran.
            I don’t remember when it was, but I began to become fascinated by the thought of what the world must be like during the day time, under the light of the ever so bright sun.  I began my forays into the sunlight after our night of running and hunting, as my mother lay down to sleep.  I pretended to go to sleep, but would then get up and peek out of our cave and watch the world around us change as the light crept over the horizon.
            At first, I was horrified.  I thought that the sun would melt my eyes from their sockets and sear the flesh from my bones.  I improvised makeshift blinders to protect my eyes from the silk of spiders and husks of gourds so that I might view the wonder that was daylight.  After a time, I no longer needed this covering, so long as I kept the hood of my cloak pulled over my head.
            My ventures into the lit world became more frequent and longer as the days and months passed.  Eventually, my mother confronted me with this apparent betrayal and we spoke at great length of what we must do to change and adapt to our new home.  We had become very close to being one with nature – at night.  But to survive and excel, we must also become one with nature during the day.  And so it was that together, we began to change our natural habitat from one of night dwellers, to that of walkers in the light.
            We slowed down our pace after some time.  We had become confident that the pursuit had either quit altogether, or had slackened off to such a pace that we no longer had to run.  However, we never stopped moving.  We continued to avoid all contact with surface dwellers, in fear that they might kill us outright for the nature of our heritage.  One day however, we were the ones caught off guard.  A human walked into our camp as we were setting up for the evening.  We were caught flat footed and rooted in fear of what would come next.  He was dressed in homespun robes, and he moved with the grace of the animals.  His face was weathered – tan, and wrinkled with age and exposure to the elements.  He bore no weapon, and had a look of peace about him that was instantly calming.  He spread his hands before him, palms upturned, to show that he had no hostile intentions.  (If I knew then about the power of those hands, I would have fainted dead away on my feet.)  He sat calmly on a boulder just outside of our camp and gestured for us to sit as well.  He pointed to his chest and uttered two words – Cosaint Dhuchas.  He repeated this several times and then pointed to my mother and me and had a questioning look about him.  This was our first introduction to the speech of humankind.  I remember his name vividly, but to this day only refer to him as Master.
            He taught us many things in those first days – his language, customs and ways, many things about nature that we had never thought to look for.  He was a hermit – a self exiled protector of nature.  He abhorred the use of weapons and armor, preferring to use his hands to defend him at all times.  The only thing that I ever saw him use was a staff for walking, and a short bow for felling animals from afar for food.  He showed us to his sanctuary – a hollow in a giant tree that served as his home, and bade us welcome.  There we lived for a long time.
In time, I came to know that he was a Druid and a Monk – and he became my mentor, friend, and the father that I never had.  He introduced me to the teachings of Kaita, but also the followings of a new tenet – that of Harmony.  He taught me to fight with my hands and feet, and to run with the swiftness of the animals.  He instructed me on how to attune myself with nature, and to draw power from all living things around me.
            We thought we were safe and secure in our new home with our benefactor.  He said that he was given a vision and told where to find us and to make us at ease and accepted.  The vision charged him with showing me his ways – bringing me up as his protégé.  If only I had known what was to happen, I would have fled our camp that night, never to lay eyes on this great being again.
            In the dark of night they came and fell on us as we slept in the hollow of his great tree.  Eyes glowing red like the wolves of the forest, knives and daggers and swords sharp as the teeth of the sharks in the sea.  They had found us again, and we had not time to run.  We fought valiantly at first, but the outcome of this fight seemed foreordained.  I believe my master knew that this night was coming.  Suddenly, in the middle of the battle, I found a pack shoved into my hands along with his walking staff, bow and quiver.  He then began to cast a spell and shoved me through the wall of the tree hollow.  I turned around in time to watch as the horde of dark elves swarmed over my mother and my mentor, and then the portal snapped shut.
            I have wandered for a number of years now – at first running, and now meandering aimlessly.  I have become one of the lost.  I try and keep with my mentor’s teachings and follow his ways.  I have come to understand that Kaita and The Harmony are in my mind and my soul always.  On several occasions, I have been granted visions of the path that I must follow, and I have held true.  And always there are the dreams.
            My dreams, and even waking moments, are filled with visions from the past and possible futures that I have yet to see.  Oft times, I wonder what is reality and what is the dream.  I travel now seeking a new mentor – someone I can spend my days with.  I am driven to this by the voice of my Master, who teaches me still through my dreams.  I believe that somehow he has been granted a special conduit to the world of the living so that he might continue his tutelage.  He shows me that I must truly become one with nature before I may become one with myself.
            And now, I find myself in yet another dream…or is it all too real?
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[Rotagon]

I awoke this morning to a walking dream.  I was in an unfamiliar forested area, and standing before me was a great beast that I can only imagine must have been a dragon.  He spoke to me, or in my mind - which I am not sure - and told me that he had summoned me to fight against the Blood.  Why such a creature would be interested in me I am quite unsure.  That I have some connection to nature might explain it, however, never before have I even considered the fact that I might be an integral part of anything.
  My mind swims with visions.  After speaking with the great beast, I walked a path and met with two other travellers.  They explained some very odd things about why I was here and what was to be expected.  This is all so unreal that it MUST be a dream.  I must awaken soon.  Or, perhaps, the kin have finally caught me and I am dead.  Perhaps this is some form of afterlife that I am now living.  More likely, this is a delusion.  Mayhap that last mushroom that I ate was poisonous in some way...

[Rotagon]

I wandered the path a bit today and came upon an individual in front of a statue.  I was told to speak to the statue and I would be transported to my new home.  How is it that a new home has been chosen for me?  What is the meaning of this vision or dream that I am having?  When will I finally awaken?
  The statue did in fact speak to me somehow, and I was in fact transported.  How I long for the aid and advice of my Master.  This strange dream is dredging up memories I had long since blocked and forgotten.  How long have I wandered since my mother and I came to the surface - 70 years?  And in all of this time, I have never come close to a surfacer town or even farm.  Yet today, I find myself standing in the middle of a town full of light dwellers.  It has been so long since I have seen a building, I am unsure that I will be able to enter one without feeling closed in - trapped.
  How will I speak with these surface dwellers?  Will they attack me for the blood that flows through my veins or the color of my skin?  This town and these people seem all too real to be a dream or a vision.  Perhaps I truly did speak with a dragon.  I must try and remember every detail about it.

[Rotagon]

I spied a light dwelling elf this morning walking through town.  At first, I feared her, but found an odd attraction to her.  I followed her as she went in various buildings in the town.  At one point, she even stopped to speak to me.  My voice caught in my throat.  I have not spoken with another humanoid in many years now.  How can it be that a surface dwelling elf would wish to speak with me?  She even laughed at me.
  What is this that I am feeling now?  It cannot be the desire for contact from other humanoids - I have been so long without this that I think that I much prefer the company of solitude and nature.  Is there something, some power, pushing me towards interaction?

[Rotagon]

I have always felt the power that is Kaita dwelling within me.  Since those first days that my Master began to show me what nature was truly about, Kaita has been with me.  When my Master started me on the path that I now travel, he told me that Kaita would always be my guide in all things - to seek her out was to embrace nature in every way.  This feeling of her power had become so familiar that at times I did not even notice it.
  This morning however, something changed with the feeling.  It has increased 100 fold - I feel emboldened and empowered.  My friend Aasia, the hawk that has decided to accompany me, says that it is a sign - she can see the power of Kaita bubbling up within me now...stronger than before.  Is this in some way connected to the dream of the dragon, I wonder?  Does Kaita have a special purpose in mind for me?  

[Rotagon]

*previously, the writings in this journal have been in a neat, compact, flowing script.  The following entry was obviously written with a very shakey hand and in a hurry.  The words run together at times and the penmanship shows something of what the author must be feeling*
  Have they found me?  I cannot believe what I saw this day.  There was a female of the kin standing in the middle of this town speaking with the light dwelling elf I saw earlier.  I am fighting the urge to run far and fast from these hovels to the shelter of the forest.  Something inside me tells me that I cannot.  Yet I cannot help but feel as if there must be something terribly wrong with this town.  Either the female is an outcast, as I, or this town is in the grip of some indescribable evil.  Perhaps that is why I have been guided here.  Am I to help cleanse this town of the evil infesting it?  Why would that be though?  The evil in the world has its place as much as the good - all must be in balance and live in harmony.
  So, if not that, then why is she here?  Is she one of the hunters?  Finally have they tracked me down?  If so, how can they have done this.  Twice have I travelled by means of some sort of magic leaving absolutely no trace to track me by.  Do they have some means of magically tracking me across the world?  Perhaps I carry something that allows them to find me at will.  The only thing that I have left on my person from my former life in the Underdark is a brooch my mother had given me at some point during our travels.  She said it was a symbol of her family and that I should remember that I have a proud, if misguided, heritage.  Should I destroy this brooch?  I cannot bear the thought of losing the very last item that I have to remind me of my mother, aside from my memories.
  Maybe it is this new sense of power from Katia that I am feeling that they can track.  Am I now a beacon to them?  Is there anyway I can hide this power from their view?  I must find out who that drow female is if I am to stay in this town for any length of time.  If it is truly the kin that are hunting me, then I must either confront them or once again begin the running.

[Rotagon]

*the writers penmanship has mellowed somewhat, but has not yet returned to the flowing script previously noted*
  This all must be a dream.  It MUST be...today I met a demon walking through town.  And he was greeted and welcomed by the self professed "good" folk of this place.  One of them even took him into a dining hall and bought him food and drink.  I also met a female of the kin today.  She laughed at me and walked away after making the typical comments degredating males of the kin and such.  I am beginning to think that if this is a dream, then I may as well just go along with the flow of things to see what the outcome of the dream will be.  It all feels so real though.
  Following the pushing that I feel within me, I made several attempts to speak with the folk of this town.  It was very difficult for me.  I had not taken time to realize until now that it has been 30 years or more since I last spoke with another humanoid.  Aasia, my companion hawk, urged me to follow my instincts.  I had to muster every last ounce of will that I possess to approach these people and speak with them.  I finally found some that took the time to converse with me, but they seemed rushed and flippant.  Perhaps that is due to their short lifespan, that they feel they must rush headlong into everything and not give each item in life the time that it deserves.  I will have to investigate this matter more thouroughly in time.  The couple also mentioned having spoken with a dragon and told they were here to fight the Blood.  It flows directly into the main theme of this dream, and thus gives further proof to me that I must awaken soon.  How could it possibly be that a dragon was summoning people from across the realms to do his bidding?
  I also had a conversation with the demon.  He tried, for some odd reason, to trivialize the time that I have spent alone wandering the world - making comparisons to life spans of elves and humans and saying that time passes differently for the different races of the world.  I had never really given this much thought in the past - always running from the hunters seems to make time go by without noticing it.  However, does time truly pass differently for one race compared to another?  Is a year that I spend walking the forests any different than that same year spent by a human rushing about life in the city?  This I must investigate further as well.
  I must take time to note the vividness of this dream.  I have never before had a dream with such clarity, such detail, nor with so much interaction on my part.  This time, however, the dream world is just as real as my waking world - but OH so strange.
  All that I see or seem, is but a dream - within a dream.

[Rotagon]

Now, I am convinced beyond any shadow of doubt that all of this must be in my head somehow.  I had taken courage and spoken to several of the townsfolk, and even ventured into a few of their buildings.  It is odd how the feeling of being caged would be so prevalent and unshakeable in a dream, but it was there.  I persevered, however, and managed to familiarize myself with a few of the locals.  I even found an amazing crafting hall where people were busy at work making all sorts of interesting items, and a few buildings where one might purchase items of use.
  I had spoken with a lady who told me something about taxes and such, and that some form of large rat had taken some paperwork that she needed.  She requested that I venture into the sewers in search of this missing documentation and return in to her.  In the spirit of letting go to the path of this dream, I aquiesed and made my way to the sewer entrance.  Aasia argued that we should not venture below ground, as it was unnatural and frightening to her.  I must admit, I felt quite a bit of trepidation myself.  However, I reassured Aasia that I would be alright, and that she could stay outside if she wanted - it was only rats I was looking for, how hard could that be?
  I mustered my will and made my way into the depths of the sewers.  The stench was horrible - worse than any animals den that I had ever encountered.  How could people make such a mess of things to produce so much waste and not dispose of it properly?  These sewers are a testament to why nature must be protected from those that call themselves "intelligent" beings.  Aasia followed me into the sewers, despite her uneasiness, and we began to survey the area.
  We were immediately set on by rats larger than any I have ever seen before.  They had teeth the size of small knives and were more aggresive than they should have been.  It was a good thing that Aasia had followed me, or I would not likely have made it past the first room down there in my search for the missing documents.  After many encounters with various groups of rats (the place must be a ripe breeding ground for these enormous beasts), I came upon a gateway to a lower level.  I had yet to spy any form or fashion of paperwork on this upper level, so we proceeded through the gateway.
  The lower level appeared to be worked by some better hand than the sewers above.  The stench had completely changed in nature as well.  The smell of the sewers eked down from above, but mostly, it smelled of something rotten and rotting on this level.  As if an animal had receded into its den when wounded, and was festering there.  I could taste the foulness on the air, and immediately began thinking twice about this undertaking.  However, I had given my word, and so we went further into this level of the undercity.
  We encounterd quite a number of vicious and aggressive rats and spiders as we wandered about, and managed to hold our own quite well.  As we neared the center of this maze, the rotten smell grew so strong, it made feel quite nauseous.  And there I saw what the lady must have been referring to.  A giant abomination stood there...it was some hideously deformed atrocity that had no place in nature - some sort of combination between man and beast.  It was surrounded by rats that were even larger than the aggressive ones that I had encountered earlier.  Before I new what was happening, they had charged Aasia and I and were  being swarmed.  I quickly fell into darkness and knew that I had died.  I was surrounded by complete blackness that not even the sight granted my by my heritage could penetrate.
  And then suddenly, I was once again hale and whole, standing beside the strange stone inside the town.  Nothing in nature could cause me to be reborn in this way, so therefore this must be a dream.

[Rotagon]

I met some very interesting people today.  The push that I am feeling to interact and participate in this dream is becoming insatiable.  Two males - Connor and Elladan, and a female  Brisbane, of the light races took the time to converse with me alongside the main road through the town.  Elladan was a staunch man...a warrior type of some sort, and he had offered to come and assist me in defeating the abomination in the sewers, and we were just about to head out when a wonderful female appeared and began talking to us.
  Brisbane appears to be some sort of follower of Katia as well...she speaks the language of nature and can change herself into different forms.  She was quite an attractive woman and very interesting as well.  I will have to try and see if I can get to know a bit more about her in the days to come.
  Connor and Brisbane both had much to say about this not being a dream that I am in.  Connor said that he could quite understand my feelings, and after a point believed that he could offer nothing more to dissuade me of the assumption that this is all but a dream.  As a matter of fact, he, Brisbane and Elladan said many things that reinforced my belief that this is all unreal.
  However, one interesting fact was brought up that I must give some serious thought to.  It is a very real possibility that if I die within this dream, I might never awaken.  Thus, I must act as if this dream were real in all ways to avoid this possibility.  Also, I was informed that the gods are meddling in the lives of mortals.  If this is the case, then everything that I have seen or heard could in fact be all too real.  I will ponder these items in the days to come.

[Rotagon]

It has been quite the interesting week.  I have had many conversations with townsfolk and other travellers.  It seems that they, the travellers that is, have all had the same dream of the dragon as I.  This, coupled with the fact that things progress and take place without my participation, leads me to conclude that this is in fact no dream.  Now as to the matter of it being a hallucination, or some form of afterlife, that remains to be seen.  For the time being, however, I will go with the assumption that the gods have decided to meddle in the insignificant life of one Demader Gis'Seorsa.  And for whatever purpose they have in mind, I will continue along the path that was set before me by my friend and mentor so many years ago.
  I must write of an interesting individual that has shown great kindness and understanding.  Elladan took considerable time to lead me into the High Forest and to show me Harmony Grove.  For this, I will forever be in his debt.  I had thought that I would never set foot in such a beautiful forest again in my life.  This place is truly one that Katia has smiled upon.  While there, I met the Guardian of the Forest, Legodia, and another priestess of Katia.  They both explained to me, which was amazing news, that there is an order of those that worship nature and Katia in the world.  And that I must in some way concede to this order.  I had no idea - Cosaint never did describe these things to me.  I must investigate these matters further, and if that is what is required of me in this new place - to be accepted and allowed to travel these wonderful lands - then that is what I shall do.
  On another note, regarding individuals I've met, a female of the kin travelled with me quite a bit.  Her name is Eamane, and she is a kind individual.  I had never considered the fact that there might be another of my blood in the world that had shaken the bonds of our kind and survived in the surface world.  It appears that there are more than just she.  At first I was afraid that I was in dire straights - I feared that the hunters had caught me.  Now, however, I believe I may have finally shaken them - thanks to the dragon's call and this amazing town.
  I do not think I will ever get used to the oddities that I see here.  It seems this place is the central gathering point for every odd individual that has ever walked the face of the world.  I am ever surprised, every time that I turn a corner or open my eyes.

[Rotagon]

Yesterday, I finally did meet with the prejudice that I had expected when I first found myself in this town.  It is not unwelcome actually, as it provides some sense of normalcy to this otherwise fantastical place.  An old human, named Weston, showed all the signs of mistrust and hostility that I had come to expect from humans.  He was not violent in any way, and for that I am grateful.  His feelings give me some sort of validation to know that my existence here is real, and not some fantasy brought on by an overabundance of forest mushrooms or a blow to the head.
  However, this has brought me to think on the nature of categorization.  If there were not truisms to the commonality of indivduals, races, and beasts, there would be no cause for categorization at all.  However, the commonalities do exist, and in some cases to a very great extent.  To say that all wolves are carnivorous is a statement of obvious fact.  To bring this further to say that all elves naturally live longer than humans is also a statement of fact.  The categorizations are general and specific at the same time.  They specifically target one group and apply a general statement to that group that applies to every memeber of that group.  To contradict a categorization, to say that all wolves are unfriendly to bipeds is false.  I have met many wolves that are extremely friendly and thoughtful to those of us that do not walk on all four of our appendages.  They only require respect and understanding to bring them closer to us.  However, most humanoids would disagree with this statement, based on societal experience.
  I think that it is the nature of intelligent life to categorize things.  I believe this helps in recognition of reality and also assists in bringing normalcy to life on a daily basis.  It provides for a pattern by which one can live one's life.  I believe that this pattern can be shifted however to a more harmonious aspect by which all beings of nature can coexist.  I shall try and work towards this end as the years go by.

[Rotagon]

*He sits beneath a large tree in a forest, his hood pulled back.  The sun glinting through the leaves, his black skin seems to drink in the light of the dawning hours.*
  I think I have found a new home.  In all of my life, I have never felt....accepted.  However, I have been received with open arms by a small group of individuals that follow the paths of nature in this strange land.  Aralin brought me to a new hall that he has been working on.  The place was truly amazing - a place of and for the Mother.  I find myself hesitant to bring my feelings and desires forward to these people.  I do not know why - all I can think is that it must have something to do with the kin and my basis for group interaction that I was raised with there.  It has been long since I "belonged" to any group, if I ever did even then.  I would truly love the opportunity to interact with others of a like mind and strive toward a common goal.
  I did meet one individual on this journey though that brought back all of the old feelings and suspicions.  Cole has a deep hatred for any of the kin and does not trust me.  I do not understand why he does not see the Mother dwelling within me, but alas, he cannot.  I will do my best to avoid upsetting him, but I feel that this is the path that the Mother has set me on, and I must follow it.  If he persists in his hatred, I shall try and show him the error of his ways.  However, I will not debase myself to try and win him over.
  *He rests his back against the trunk and looks up to the leaves of the tree as they move with a light breeze, making the motes of sunlight dance across his vision.  A sigh escapes his lips as he drifts into a day dream or deep thought.  Picking up his quill, he continues.*
  I have also met someone that intrigues me greatly.  A woman that has no name, who also happens to be a Druidess.  She is.....like a rose that is just about to open to greet the day.  Full of promise and beauty.  I myself feel like a bee that is instinctively drawn to her.  I wish to spend more time getting to know this person.  Perhaps she can help to show me more about the nature of the Mother.  She seems to be very.....natural.....in all things - as if she were a creation that Katia had just decided to make today.  She mentioned someone named Luna that I also must speak with.  It will be some time before I see them I think.  More time alone.
  I have also found that I have become much more attuned with the Mother recently.  I found myself one day travelling with Thane, and from one moment to the next I do not know what happened.  Suddenly, I was running on all fours in the shape of a wolf.  It was the most joyous feeling I have ever had - to be wild and free.  Thane was also overjoyed by the transformation.  We ran and hunted together for hours.  But just as suddenly as this change overcame me, it was gone.  I have since determined that I can take this form by force of will.  I must concentrate on the bond that I have with Katia, and then project the image of the wolf onto myself in my mind.  This gift I have been given by the Mother is by far the most amazing thing I have ever experienced.  In the days to come, I will endeavor to see if there are any other forms that the Mother has granted me.