Berilu's Journal

[DeadHead Fred]

So much has happened since I arrived in Hlint.  I had thought my life was over, but now it's looking like my life has just begun.

I have not found anyone from my family here, no Greenfields or Fiercerock members.  There are lots of nice people here, though.  I have had a chance to go advneturing with several people.  There's a spell caster named Tegan and a follower of Aeridin named Jin who I have been out with several times.  I also went deep into a mine near Haven with Riley Alexander, a paladin, and a dwarven warrior named Bob.  Tegan and Jin went also.  We went deep in the earth to find raw materials for Riley's work as a armorer, and encountered many orges.  We were almost overcome a couple of times, and one of the times, Tegan was killed!  Surprisingly, this is not as final an ending as I believed.  I will have to write more about that later.  I have also met a couple other female adventurers, Athile and Tyrian, who both seem to be some sort of fighters.  Tyrian had a dog that went around with her, though.  I have heard that rangers who can better feel the pulse of nature can have an animal share their travels.  Perhaps she is a ranger?  The dog's eyes glowed red, though, which doesn't sound at all natural to me.

Besides Haven, I've been down in the sewers here in Hlint, and down in their crypts (full of undead).  I also went to a cave in the Sielwood to recover a necklace.  There, I saw some huge cubes of jelly.  I have never seen anything like them!  I was also webbed by a huge bug that stands up like a person.  I think it's called an "ettercap".  Anyway, now that I've gotten out to see more of the world than just Center and Stone, I've begun to see lots of neat things!  Dangerous things, sure, but really neat nonetheless.

There's a goblin camp next to Hlint.  I've tried wiping them out several times, but they just keep coming back.  I guess some go into hiding when I go through, and come out later after I've left.  I use them for target practice a lot now.

And speaking of goblins, I caught one of them in town the other day!  He was dressed up and was actually talking!  In Common!  Not very well of course, but I was surprised anyway.  I was also surprised by the way a group of adventurers stood up for him!  Including Jin!  Come to think of it, the chief person getting in my way was Tyrian.  Maybe I'll actually listen to this goblin (I think they said its name was Prothro) before I kill him.  The other adventurers don't know goblins the way I do; they haven't have their children slaughtered by them.

Death is... not permanent, apparently.  I found that there are a number of us called "dragon called".  I guess many people have also dreamed of meeting a dragon and ending up adventuring.  We can also bind our souls to "bindstones", that call us back from death!  I saw Tegan die, then I found her soon after, but she looked... drained.  She had to return to the site of her fall to recover.  I experienced it myself later, when I was looking for hickory to make arrows.  I was killed by orcs (which was very painful, even considering the rest of it), and I found myself in an empty space, just darkness.  Then, I was standing next to the bindstone in Hlint, feeling completely drained in body and spirit.  I returned to where I fell, and was able to regain my strength.  I guess by returning to the place I fell, I was able to pull the pieces of my soul back to myself.  So, death can be overcome.  It still really, really hurts, though.

Not everything is looking down in Hlint, though.  I've gotten tired of using the arrows from the local store; they tend to be not quite straight.  I'm working on making my own.  I just need to get some arrowheads.  My dad always used to make his own arrows, and Korgo was teaching Androc how to make his own also.  I really miss Korgo sometimes...

[DeadHead Fred]

Well, I'm finding that my domestic skills are coming back.  After my loved ones died, I couldn't find the heart to do even the simplest cooking.  But now I'm starting to find various things growing nearby that are sparking my interest again.  Perhaps the time I am spending running around the forest instead of in the kitchen has affected my cooking, but I'm slowly blending the two together.

My connection with nature is still increasing.  I have found a kindred spirit in the world, a wolf going by the name of Trin.  I know, most people wouldn't say that animals have names, certainly not one a person could say, but I know he wants to be called Trin.

I need to be careful with him.  I was running around in the High Forest with Tegan again, and ran into griffons.  Trin jumped in to defend me, along with a dire wolf I had called (that's another neat thing I found I can do with my connection to nature!), when Tegan decided to hit the area with a magic strike that hurt everyone in the area, most importantly Trin and her friend Celas.  Trin went down from the strike, and Celas was seriously injured.  Celas was apparently not happy with that, and used her claws on Tegan.  I'm still a little mad at Tegan for the pain she caused Trin.  Luckily, Trin was able to recover eventually, and he joined me later.  

My skills in moving unseen are improving.  I have found the ability to move without being noticed by the enemy is very useful.  It is very satisfying to strike from the shadows, without your enemy knowing you are there until death rains down on them!  I remember killing the goblins after they slaughtered my family, and that was done by striking from hiding.  I think I'll work more on slipping through the shadows.

I found pipeweed!  Korgo used to smoke it frequently in the evening, and my dad did occasionally also.  Mom always said that ladies shouldn't smoke because it wasn't ladylike, but I've tried it occassionally.  Now, the smell of pipeweed reminds me of Korgo.  I really miss him...

[DeadHead Fred]

Well, I finally got some better arrows than the ones from the local merchants.  I had little trouble making my own shafts (much straighter than the store-bought variety), and I've been collecting feathers, but the arrowheads had me stumped.  I found a guy to supply them, though - a paladin named Riley Alexander.  I've just about used up the 400 he gave me, and I've about shot all the arrows I made with them.  It's a shame I never seem to be able to recover the arrows; I go through them like they're water.  I hope I can find him again, and he has more arrowheads for me.  Maybe I should look into getting something better than copper for arrowheads, or tougher than the hickory shafts...

I ran into another halfling adventurer.  It was so nice to speak in my native tongue!  His name was Rugo, and he did his fighting barehanded.  He was very fast, with quick feet and hands, and could definitely take care of himself.  He was cute, but also about the same age as Androc was.  He helped me with some scarecrows at Thalos River, then headed off to return home.  

I continued on across Rilara.  I thought I would take a look at Stone.  I figured I could stay well hidden and move in close enough to see something.  I had previously visited the area, but it was night then, and I couldn't see anything but a guard camp.  This time, I managed to climb a rise overlooking Stone... or what was left of it.  Most of the buildings had been knocked down.  There were lots of campfires from an army of sorts.  Blood's minions (or maybe Milara's?) are all over the town.  Must have been hundreds of them.  I don't think they're too disciplined, though, as I saw a few fights break out.  The watch camp alone was tough enough to convince me that I didn't want them to see me.

I found something neat about Trin!  He has this scary howl!  I've heard him howl a few times as he's run into battle to protect me, but I only recently noticed that it sometimes scares things.  Trin is such a nice wolf.  Rugo called me the 'Lady of the Biting Wolves', since I had Trin with me, and I called a dire wolf to help in battle also.  

I found more pipeweed.  Deep in the Wolfswood Forest, I found another variety.  It looks different, but the smell is unmistakable.  I didn't get much, though.  There may have more growing nearby, but I decided it was better not to look.  I was doing my best to move unseen, but I could see the faint hints of a large blue snake.  I thought it was best not to mess with it, so I utilized the better part of valor and retreated.

I still need to get a pipe.  I know, I know, Mom said it was something ladies didn't do.  But I enjoyed it from time to time, and the smell does remind me of Dad and Korgo.  Especially Korgo.  Oh, Lady, I miss him sometimes...

[DeadHead Fred]

Well, I remembered why Mom said ladies don't smoke.  I was able to make a pipe (finally) and I decided to try it out.  The smell was as I remembered, and it reminded me of Dad and Korgo.  I had forgotten about the hacking and coughing, though.  I think I'll be ok if I just light it and inhale just enough to keep it going.  The smell is nice, and I really like the memories and feelings it calls up.

I ran into Ozymandias Llewellyn, the great bard.  He said he's over 4000 years old!  The stories he must know... I've listened to the Story Teller of the Fiercerock clan on a couple of our larger get-togethers.  She told stories of how Strongheart clans have done great deeds, especially giant slaying.  But Ozymandias has been around practically forever, and must know stories worthy of the courts of kings, or maybe even of telling to Deliar and Prunilla.  Anyway, it'd probably be very interesting to sit and listen to him for a while.

The best thing from talking to him, though, was that he said that halflings who left Center may have gone to Krandor, Haven, or Blackford, as well as going to Hlint.  I have more locations to look for Mom and Dad.  I checked in Krandor, and no one there knew of them, but now I have more locations to look.

I have been thinking about my hatred towards goblins.  I don't feel the burning anger I used to.  I have tried time and again to wipe out the camp of them near Hlint, but they haven't gotten the hint.  But in killing them again and again, my anger has cooled.  I don't feel the need to kill them at every opportunity now, but I can't see myself trusting one ever, and I will NEVER be friends with one.  And I still think that one I saw in Hlint shouldn't have been there.  They don't belong in towns.

I've been thinking about getting some better weapons.  I really like using Androc's bow, but I also feel I might be able to use a stronger bow, one with more spring and power.  I definitely like using my own arrows.  I know that there are better arrows out there, though, and I hope I can get some.  I just wish that I could recover some of the ones I use; I go through them like food at my family's table.  I could also use some better hand-to-hand weapons, and some better armor.  I will have to investigate these further...

My investigations trying to find my parents has led me to a conclusion: there are relatively few halflings around compared to the humans, elves, and dwarfs.  I feel so alone sometimes.  I have made a few friends, but I still am lonely.  I guess I just miss my husband.

[DeadHead Fred]

So much has happened since I last wrote in here.  I've met a number of interesting people, I've traveled a bit, and I've got some new friends.  How to put it all down....?

I've traveled to the Grey Peak mountains, on a quest to find something called Vulkas oil.  I was with Tegan, Jin, Bob, and a gnome named Desicardon.  There were a lot of ogres there. I acted as scout for the group, and went ahead of everyone to find out how many enemies we had and where they were.  It was heartening to move unseen among the ogres, and then tell my group where they were.  It worked well, as we were able to avoid fights that might have been beyond us.  The trip went well, with only one casualty, and no other serious injuries.

I was able to travel back into the Grey Peaks later, to look at the mountain town of Lar.  My skills in moving unseen were again effective.  I was able to slip past all the ogres and travel to Lar, without ever having to engage the ogres in battle.  Definitely a better way to travel, in my opinion.  I cannot understand those adventurers who plunge into battle without checking to see their adversaries first.

Lar is a cold, high place.  There was snow on the ground, with more falling.  I normally only wear boots to protect me in battle, but this time I was glad of the warmth they provide.  As I poked around the town, I found a man who needs me to find Ulgrid's Dwarven Fortress.  Of course, he needs plans for a chair from there, which seems a bit trivial.  However, the challenge of finding and entering the fortress intrigues me.

I've got a new animal following me around.  Trin I think got tired of me getting him hurt, so he's not following me right now.  However, this huge dire wolf has started to stick around.  He says (there I go again, he didn't really SAY it) his name is Ravan.  He doesn't look as sleek as Trin does, but he's a huge mass of muscle and is very protective of me.

Since I'm talking about new friends, I saw the most interesting thing in Hlint the other day.  I saw a Wemic!  He's half man and half lion, and he's huge!  His name is Zufala Pantherstalker, and he comes from grasslands far away.  He can't speak Common, but he understands the language the animals use.  Renji, another ranger, talked with him, and I listened in.  Most of the people there didn't know what to make of him, but I did a little translating so they would have a better idea of what was happening.

I found another Fiercerock clan member!  His name is Drexel, and he lost his family at Stone also.  His wife Kryla and son Grimpli were killed in front of him, and Drexel killed the killers in rage.  He didn't know my husband, and I've never seen him around, but the Fiercerock clan was very large, and he looks young.  I'll bet he's at least as young, if not younger, than Androc was.

Unfortunately, he's all I found from my families.  I looked in Haven and Blackford Castle, as Master Ozy suggested, but no one there has seen or heard of the Greenfield family.  And Drexel is the only Fiercerock member I've seen, though I'm sure others must have escaped Stone, and Drexel thinks so also.  However, I'm beginning to fit into my new life as an adventurer.  I'm sure my Dad would be proud of my skills in the forest now.  So, what do I do?  Would I like to settle down again, or keep adventuring?  I'd like to find my family again no matter what I decide.  So for now, I guess I will keep looking for my family as I can, but focus more of my time in the forest.  I will put off the question of settle down or adventure for now.  Still, I miss my husband...

[DeadHead Fred]

Just a little bit to write tonight.  

We had a trip into the Haven mines for ore, we being myself, Tegan, Bob, and a couple people new to me, Silool, a healer who also sings, and Curtis Simon Orcutt, a fighter with a long name and a fair amount of skill with the sword.  His tactics weren't bad either.  The trip was otherwise unremarkable.  I didn't have any chance to use my skills in hiding, but I got to practice my archery.  The trip was profitable, but only marginally satisfying.

That cursed goblin was in town again!  Prothro, or whatever its name is, was just walking around, free as you please.  I sent it an arrow asking it to please depart, and it snuck up behind me and tried to insinuate it could have attacked if it had wanted!  All right, I admit its skills at moving unseen are pretty good also, but I don't trust the thing.  It shouldn't be in town!

The interesting thing that happened was a talk I had with Jin.  He's interested in finding his mother he never knew, and was looking for help in a journey to do that.  He was also interested in setting up a mutual assistance company, where we could provide aid to one another in tasks we need to get done.  I was flattered that he thought of me.  I think I will help if I can, but I'm not sure if I can.  I wish him the best of luck, however.  I know how much I miss my family...

[DeadHead Fred]

I've neglected my journal again...

Let's see... to sum up, I've explored some very dangerous places, met some interesting people, almost gotten killed several times, and have apparently founded a new 'family'.

I found Ulgrid's Dwarven Fortress.  It's deep in the Berhagen mountains.  I had heard that the dwarves had a fortress there, so I went into the mountains to look.  The mountains are very dangerous (more on this later), loaded with giants, and these things that looked like large walking gemstones.  I was able to successfully move past them all unseen, and found the fortress.  I got the plans I needed and was able to take them back to Lar.

I've also explored the Blood Desert.  I've been there before with Jin, Tegan, and others, but we only went in a little way just to get sand.  This time I explored much more deeply.  I went all the way through.  Deep in the desert, I encountered lots of ogres, but once again I slipped past unseen.  Then I found an area that had these huge, fearsome beasts.  I think they're called manticores.  I slipped past them also, and in the end I found my way out the south end of the desert.  All I found in the desert was sand, sand, and more sand, and I found some sage, which may turn out to be a good way to add flavor to my cooking.  There may be more there; I'll explore it more some time.

I went back to the Berhagen mountains later, with Tegan, Jin, and a host of others.  The people I remember from this group are Akki, a bard; Sin'Dolin, a mage of very considerable power; Renji, another ranger with a much darker character than me; and someone named Armolas (I think).  Ifion the bard was there for an earlier period.  We were all there trying to get Jin to his grave.  He, Tegan, and at least two others had been adventuring in the mountains, and had ran into trouble.  I know there were at least two others because I found two other graves beside his.  I also found what killed them: a dead white-blue giant-like thing, called a maur I think.  It was much smarter than the average giant, because it could sense me when I was doing my best to remain hidden, and cast a lightning bolt spell at me.  I thought I was dead, but I recovered enough to get up again and slip out of the area before it could blast me again.  I limped along, looking for a safe place to rest and try to bandage myself, and was eventually very glad I had found Ulgrid's fortress earlier.  I rested there and patched myself up, then slipped out to find the group.  

The last exploration of interest to discuss is my latest trip to the Blood Desert, which is interesting for other reasons.  Jin has some sort of debt in sand to someone that requires us to fetch inordinate amounts of sand.  So Tegan, Jin, and I are discussing a trip there while standing around in Hlint, when Armolas comes along and asks to go also.  Then we were joined by a dwarf, Grimnir.  Athile, a lady I met a while ago, then joined us.  A very strange, distracted girl, Serahlin, joined us.  A lady dwarf adventurer (!) named Hilda joined us.  Akki joined us.  And some man whose name I never heard, but I know he fell in Krandor crypts, joined us. On the way to the desert, another person whose name I missed joined us.  So, there we are in the desert, eleven of us, just to get sand.  And I notice, as I'm digging in my sand pile, that I'm the only one getting sand!  I have no idea why so many people wanted to come along to watch me dig.  I ended up carrying about 25 bags of sand, and finding it almost impossible to move.  You know, this is the second time I've gone sand digging with Jin and it ended up with me digging and everyone else watching.  Phooey.

Since I'm on the subject of Jin... He, Tegan and I have joined together as a group.  He's calling it a family, but we're really just a group that helps each other out.  We're calling ourselves the Farstrider Pack, unless we come up with a better name, which I doubt we will.  We also have a fighter named Brenden Raign, and a bard named Sen.  Jin knows them and vouches for them, so I'll withhold judgement until I've seen more of them.  Jin was thinking of asking Renji, but based on events with Renji, he thought better of it.  This seems to be a good idea to me.  We're working on saving for a house, to store supplies and give us all a place to live.  I hope we can become a force for good in this world.

During my travels around Mistone, I have found the ability to move about without your enemies noticing to be invaluable.  It's probably the skill I value most.  Still, there are other skills I would like.  I can't see myself going toe to toe with most of the creatures I have encountered, but I have seen some people who fight and seem to be able to hit the enemy where it hurts.  Athile comes to mind.  I have seen her attack from the rear (I don't think she's a heavy duty fighter) and really hurt the enemy.  I'll have to ask her to teach me that trick.  I also am looking at magic.  I know a few tricks I have learned through listening to the natural world, but other magic escapes me.  I have picked up a few scrolls in my travels, and I can't quite understand them well enough to figure out how to use them, but I can almost feel the right way.  The last thing I am looking at is a set of stiff wires and small probing tools.  I think they're for working on locks.  I haven't quite figured out how to use them, but it seems simple enough.  I'll have to devote some time eventually to learning how to use them.  So my skills seem to be focused on scouting, and hurting the enemy from the shadows.  I'll never have the skills and fortitude to take on most enemies in a straight fight, so I'll focus on striking at their weaknesses and finding ways around them and their defenses.

I don't know really how I feel about Jin.  His plans seem ambitious, but are well intended.  I want to trust him fully, but he is not the same as a husband.  It is nice to have a family of sorts, but they just aren't the same.  If we get our house here on Mistone, I will be able to settle down, sort of, while continuing to adventure.  Maybe if I found the right man... no, I don't see me meeting a good halfling man while adventuring.  I really miss Korgo sometimes...

[DeadHead Fred]

I really need to be more constant about writing in this journal.  Of course, not much has happened recently, so maybe it's ok...

The only interesting to note is a recent trip to the Barbarian Isles (at least I think that's what they're called).  It was very cold there, really cold.  Not just cold like I've experienced in Lar or the Berhagen mountains, but COLD, to freeze your bones.  And then we went in some caves in the ice, that seemed even colder.  Of course, we were out of the wind in the caves, so I guess it all balances out.  I can't imagine why anyone or anything would live in someplace this cold.

Let's see... on this jaunt there was me, Renji (who is actually ok when he's being responsible... I don't quite trust him yet, but maybe...), Tegan (who has gotten much better at making sure her spells only hurt the enemy, not her friends), a flashy dresser named Jereg (who also knows the secrets of striking the enemy where it hurts the most), a huge guy named Stump (who apparently can't speak, but does his best with limited intelligence to get his point across.  I hope he never needs to make a point with me with his hammer!), and a few other people who don't stand out as much: Shok Arrow, a fighter named Maelverik (I think), and a spell caster I never got a good look at and whose name I missed.  Anyway, it was a large group, and we did well, until I got on the wrong side of the front line and fell.  I was able to get back to my grave with some help, and I got successfully out of that cave.  For some reason, most of the party stayed in the cave after I, Tegan, and Renji left.  As they were making their way out of the cave and away from it, they were ambushed by goblins on worgs and most of them fell.  Very sad.  We eventually made our way back to Leilon and met up with most of them there.  It was interesting, but very, very cold.

Things have been moving slowly for me.  I still enjoy using my skills in moving unseen.  Hitting something head on seems silly to me if I can simply slip around it.  Now, I need to master striking from the shadows to hurt the enemy.  That seems the best plan to me.  I'll never be the war machine like some of the sword wielders I've met, but I can use my skills to strike at the most vulnerable spots.  I hope...

[DeadHead Fred]

I went up into the Grey Peaks again with a rather large group.  We did well in putting down the ogres, and I learned quite a bit about working with a group like this.  I got to meet many interesting people, too.  Let's see... Ifion the bard organized this little trip.  A couple other bards went: Akki, and a loud, obnoxious, drunk man in a skirt whose name I missed.  I wouldn't mind going with him again, though; he was interesting to talk with and listen to, just watch where he goes around water supplies.  We had Stump again, and Armolas.  Tegan was there, and Renji. Another fighter named Balthazar, who I have seen but never really met.  A warrior named Matilda, who stuttered and had some talent for feeling the Weave (I'm pretty sure that means a talent for magic).  And we had a couple of people tag along at the last second: a halfling named Deagle (I'm not sure where his skills lie; I don't think I saw him do anything.), and Prothro the goblin...

Anyway, the trip to Grey Peak mountains went well, with only Renji falling in battle (again).  After returning from the Grey Peaks, we went south to the Dire Woods, a forest I have never been in before, and I'm not sure I want to again, at least not for pleasure.  There was a creature in there, it had to be 15 feet tall.  Huge, bones like a skeleton, but no creature ever looked like that.  And my arrows just bounced off it.  Luckily, with the varied skills of our party, someone had the ability to hurt it.

Now the hard part... Prothro.  He actually has quite a bit of skill in moving unseen, and he has a very useful skill of finding the most vulnerable spots of the enemy and hitting them.  More than once during our fights with the ogres, we ended up next to one another shooting arrows into them.  And then the little twerp had the nerve to grab my bow and teach me (Me!) how to shoot!  Unfortunately... he did show me some useful tricks of shooting enemies where it really hurts.  I'm slowly picking it up... I can't believe I actually had a goblin teach me something useful.  I also watched him setting traps, and noted some of the things he was doing, maybe I can learn more from him.  I don't know what to do with him now...   I recall him saying something about wanting to learn to speak Halfling.  Maybe I can pay him back by teaching him the language.  It's not too hard a language, unlike the dwarvish Korgo tried to teach.  And I definitely can't let anyone know I have some respect for a goblin.  I guess I would say that though I have some respect for him, the rest of the goblins of the world will have to earn it on their own.

[DeadHead Fred]

Well, now I have a problem...

A few days ago, Jin talked me and a few others (Tegan, Jereg, and a couple others I can't recall right now) into a trip to the Dire Woods to go mine topaz.  Initially, things went well.  However, after we had been there for a bit, the ogres counterattacked, and with much stronger forces than before.  We retreated with some difficulty, and regrouped a ways south.  Upon our return to the cave, we found the ogres had greatly increased their forces, and appeared to have cunningly set up an ambush.  We thought we had determined the extent of the ambush, and made plans to work around it.  When we entered the cave, we found we were vastly mistaken about the strength of their forces and their setup.  Before I had even adjusted to the dark of the cave, I found myself set upon by more ogres than I could even count, and I was felled before I could do more than cry out.  The bindstone at Hlint worked its magic and preserved me from death, but I was not interested in trying to recover my grave.  I rested until the shards of my soul found their way back to me, and I was restored to my relatively normal self.

Now the problem... I have only gone out adventuring a little since then.  I felt an odd vibration from my bow as I used it.  A close inspection of my bow after returning to Hlint showed me a crack from a blow (probably by an ogre), and it's growing.  I'm sure if I use it much more it will snap, probably causing me a good deal of pain in the process.  So now what do I do?  This is Androc's bow, made by my son, and I have used it to avenge him.  It is a connection to my lost family that I do not want to lose.

I think I will have to replace the bow with one I can make from oak.  I think my skills in woodworking are good enough that I can take the facing off of Androc's bow and laminate it onto a new bow, so it will still be Androc's bow, but improved.  So now, all I need to do is make myself a bow of sufficient quality to properly honor the memory of my family.

Jin feels guilty about leading us all to that cave for topaz.  If he found out that my prized bow got damaged, he would never forgive himself.  I'll have to be careful not to let him know.

[DeadHead Fred]

My life has been quiet lately, for a change.  I spent some time recently in Ranger's Vale in Sielwood, just resting, reflecting, and listening to nature all around me.  I remember doing things like this, before I got married, and I always enjoyed it a lot and found it hard to return to my normal life.  This time, however, I enjoyed the first few days, but soon had a feeling of restlessness, like I needed to do something vital.  I felt more and more that I needed to return to my life of adventuring.  

While I was away, Jin and the Farstriders were busy.  We've gained new members in the Pack: Xandrian Mor, who I went on the disastrous trip to the topaz cave with; Renji, who I have come to regard as a friend, even if he is headstrong and doesn't think too much about what he's doing sometimes; and Pendar, who I don't know too much about.  Pendar is male, an elf (maybe), and uses magic.  I don't know too much more than that, since he has worn a hood drawn down over his face for all the time I've seen him (which makes me somewhat suspicious).  I think I'll like him, though; he has a sensibility about him that I appreciate.

The Farstriders have bought ourselves a house in Leilon.  I claimed a room for myself.  It's so nice to have a place to call my own again.  The others would think it too small, but I think everything in the house is too big.  Of course, that's something to be expected in the Tall Folks lands.  

The last thing of interest is my new bow.  I made a bow out of oak, then used Androc's bow to make a thin veneer, making the it look similar to Androc's bow.  It has more pull and I really like the feel of it.  I was really upset by the crack in my bow, but now I really like my new one.  Still, it's not Androc's bow, but it looks close.  I will accept it as Androc's bow, and will continue to carry on his memory using it.

Thinking about Androc's bow has got me thinking about my family.  I hope my children didn't suffer much at the hands of the goblins.  And I miss Korgo something fierce.  It's nice having a new family of sorts in the Farstriders, but that still doesn't come close to replacing my husband and children.

[DeadHead Fred]

Something happened the other day I need to comment on.  The Farstriders were meeting in Hlint, and we ended up getting asked by Captain Garrent to kill the leader of the lizardmen in High Moors, because he had been having problems with them.  A tough job, but within our capabilities, we thought.

We succeeded in the task set us, but as we were leaving, we stopped to rest in a defensible area prior to escaping the cave completely.  We were worn out and worried that there might be a couple of lizardmen remaining that might cause problems for us.  Well, they definitely caused problems.  They set an ambush outside the room, using both traps and large numbers of lizardmen.  In short, they were able to fell our entire party in a small area.

The bindstones worked their magic, and we ended up in Hlint.  As we rested there and tried to regain our strength, Hlint was attacked.  I guess the lizardmen were angry that we had slain their leader, so they decided to attack.  I guess they figured that a group of adventurers had attacked them, so they must be from Hlint.  Sure, Haven or List are closer, but Haven has that strong castle, and there's hardly anything worth noticing in List.  So, exhausted as we were, we still had to fight off the lizardmen, which we did.  Then Garrent blamed us for stirring up the lizardmen, when we were doing as he asked us to do in the first place!  

To protect the town, we had to head back to the lizardmen cave to put them down.  We were able to get a few more people from Hlint to help us (but none from the town guard.  Thanks, Garrent!).  The lizardmen set traps in their cave to stop us.  My developing skills in spotting and removing traps helped a little, but the traps the lizardmen were using were very sophisticated, and I couldn't figure them out to remove them.  I was felled again in the cave, but the bindstone magic worked again.  However, I was utterly exhausted at this point, and had to rest for a while.  I learned later that it was the son of the leader we had slain that was driving the lizardmen to attack outside the Moors, but he was slain and the lizardmen are staying in the High Moors again.

This fight (along with many others) has shown me an important fact about myself: I am not a fighter.  I have some skills with weapons, but my skills really lie with using stealth and secrecy to avoid fighting.  I have met people who charge into battle, heedless of the danger, using their strength and toughness to plow through problems.  I am not one of them.  How those people who get hurt frequently can do it is beyond me.  Fighting is my last option; stealth is a much better way.  If the enemy doesn't know you're there, your head doesn't get selected to be removed.

I have seen Tegan using invisibility to avoid fighting.  The only problem with that is that when I am near her, I can hear her moving about even if I can't see her, so I know she's there.  If I was an ogre looking for her, I could just starting swinging blindly and would probably connect.  So I think I prefer stealth.  But you can't use stealth while they see you.  If only I had some way to just fade into the shadows, even while being watched...  Maybe if I could just BE a shadow...

At the meeting, I found that there have been several modifications to our house.  I guess I need to get home more often.  My adventuring life has changed me, so that I no longer want to sit at home.  I wonder, if I found a new husband like Korgo, could I ever settle down again?  I miss him still...

[DeadHead Fred]

Looking back in my journal shows me that I have been neglectful.  I really need to write in this more often...

Life has settled into a somewhat consistent pattern: go out with the Farstriders every now and again, go out on my own to collect cooking ingredients, do a little exploring.  Frankly, I wonder if I'm not settling down again.  While I don't actually spend too much time in my room, I do spend a lot of time around Hlint...

I spent some time in the Red Light caves the other day, after having thought about spells and traps.  I was looking at some of the trap kits I've found on the bodies of slain enemies, and wondering how well they'd work.  Then I was thinking about the spells I've learned through my connection with nature.  So naturally, I thought about testing them out on goblins, which is about all that goblins are good for.

Anyway, I ran into some new adventurers there, and led them in their endeavors.  It seems so strange to be leading a group.  And they looked so young and inexperienced.  I know that I didn't look as young as them when I started adventuring, but I guess I was just as inexperienced.

Let's see.... there was a drow named Neppako (Nepp'ayko?).  He acted trustworthy, but still he is drow, so I don't know about him.  With him was a human monk named Shi.  Why Shi trusts Nepp is beyond me; I suppose they've travelled together for a while, but they're so inexperienced they can't have had much time together.  Is it wrong of me not to trust a drow just because they're here on the surface of the world and say they can be trusted?  I've heard too many stories of the horrors the drow have inflicted to blindly trust or even trust with minimal proof.  I did have time to talk with them both while in the caves, but I'm going to withhold judgement for now.

There were others we met deeper in.  I don't remember them as well, but I do remember they had a wizard with them who loved to fling around fireballs.  That's how we first met them - he sent a fireball at us and the goblins we were battling.  I was burned by it, but not too badly.  Shi was felled by it.  Then later, he cast a fireball close to the combatants, singing me again.  It used to be Tegan who would cast spells indiscriminantly, and now this guy.  Must be something about magicians not knowing their power, and not using it carefully.

Speaking of Tegan... she has the carelessness and impetuousness of youth, and the know-it-all attitude of elves.  She's gotten better with her spells, though when I adventure with her I still see her spells injuring her supposed allies occassionally.  And she has such a chip on her shoulder when it comes to me; I guess I somehow intimidate her, so she needs to show me up.  Still, she's a good friend, and has made me several nice suits of leather armor.  I appreciate everything she does for me; I just can't let anyone know.

Jin is another good friend.  Several times now he's put life back into me when foes have struck me down.  He's kept the Farstriders going for a while now, so he has leadership skills I sometimes wish I had.  I think, though, I'll leave the leading to someone else.  He's another elf, though, and I often think he and Tegan are sharing some joke at my expense.  He felt so guilty the other day, when I encountered a new type of magic.  Apparently, there's a kind of death magic that can strike you down completely, without physically harming you.  I was struck by it unexpectedly when I thought I could safely attack a mage on his flank.  Jin said he could protect me against it, but he hadn't given me any protection this time.  It wasn't his fault, but I will have to be even more cautious.

I've met a few other people who I enjoy adventuring with.  There's Karana, who fights in the front line but wears little armor.  She pretends to be stupid, but I think she's actually fairly smart.  This woman threw me in an oasis in the desert!  I've also met a cleric named Doc, who is an excellent healer but not much of a fighter (I guess his name fits).  And there's a dwarf named Ketil, who I like for some reason I can't pin down right now.

Professionally, I'm still improving (hah! as if what I do is professional).  I can move unseen with fairly good skill now, and I'm using the skills Prothro taught me with mechanical devices (like the aforementioned trap kits) (funny, I haven't seen him in a while.  Maybe he got killed?  I can't believe I'm worrying about the welfare of a goblin).  Still, I need to work on it.  I think I could be a lot more valuable in adventuring if I had more skills with traps and locks.  I've thought about how I could best use my skills in moving unseen, and I think I'm best as a scout, not a skirmisher.  So I find out the lay of the enemy and report that back to the party, so their skills can best be employed.  I am coming to realize that striking from the shadows works well, but I can't fight a pitched battle.  Just the quick blow where best applied (a skill I am still learning).

[DeadHead Fred]

I'm going to stop beating myself up about not writing in this regularly.

I was talking with Karana recently.  She's a Farstrider now, and I for one am glad she joined us.  She's a true friend, with a heart big enough to match her tall stature.  Also, she has a house in Pranzis, not as big as our Den, but with a couple large rooms.  One of them is big enough to be a ballroom.  Seeing this reminded me of a Midsummer's Night dance long ago where Korgo and I danced all night.  I got to thinking about him and my family, and was discussing this with Karana.

So, in walks Tegan, and long story short, she ended up insinuating that I was a poor mother.  I guess me thinking about my family and the sadness that comes from that combined with her comments to hurt me deeply.  It hurts because I did let my children down in the end.  If I had been there when the goblins attacked, they would not have all been killed.  I would not be left all alone now.

I tried to teach them the best I knew how, with help from the mothers in the clan.  I showed them love always, tempered with a good deal of wisdom and some discipline.  They were good children, no trouble to the clan at all.  But I still failed them in the end, by not being where I needed to be.

[DeadHead Fred]

Hmmm, been a while since I wrote in this.  This is not a problem, just noted it.  See, no berating.

Things have been quiet since the fall of Pranzis.  Maybe too quiet.  

I guess it would be more correct to say that things have been quiet with me.  I'm sure that others have been busy, but I just can't seem to get interested in much.  We did our best in Pranzis, but we still failed the people there, and now one of Blood's generals is in charge of the city.  Blood may be gone, but his evil lives on.

I have been spending time in, shall we say, less than reputable places.  When Prothro taught me my new skills, he also told me of a code that I could use to talk with certain others.  I didn't know much at first, just enough to get me recognized and into certain places, but I've learned a little more.  I'm guessing I still sound like an idiot if I try to use the cant.  Still, for whatever reason, I find myself spending more and more time in places of this sort.  I suppose Korgo would never have approved of places like these... I hope he'll forgive me in the end.

[DeadHead Fred]

I think the Farstriders are breaking up.

Tegan left, without really giving us a good explanation.  We think she wants to get out on her own.  Xan has been busy with other things, probably something to do with the Pranzis Officer Corps.  I wonder what they are doing to retake Pranzis...

Karana is getting married.  She and Quilus will probably settle somewhere on Dregar.  Armolas and Jin haven't been seen much; no one really knows what they're up to.  And of course Renji hasn't been seen in ages.

That leaves me.  I've been trying to find my own place in the world, and I've found myself spending more time in less than reputable places.  What does this mean?  Am I really part of the darker side of this world?  

I want... in my heart I think I just want to settle down in a quiet spot, with a husband I love, and live a peaceful life with my family.  But my husband and family are gone... I may find someone new to love someday, I hope.  In the meantime... I don't know what I'll do.  I just hope to find a bit of peace.

Of course, I still find myself being drawn to find out the secrets.  There's just something about a lock that makes me want to see what's behind it.

[DeadHead Fred]

Jin faced the greatest challenges of his life, and paid a dear price.  I and the rest Farstriders helped him, but in the end the price paid was by him.

He had been having dreams of wolves and worgs, and was marked by the wolves through his dreams.  They led him (and us) to a demon in the Dark Forest, guarded by worgs and opposed by the wolves.  We managed to banish the demon, but while doing it, Jin lost the light of Aeridin from his soul.  To my view, Folian had called him to banish the demon and free the wolves, but doing this work for Folian cost him his connection with Aeridin.  He says he feels empty now, and I guess I can see why.  Perhaps, because of this, he will find a new connection, only to Folian this time.  I guess time will tell.

Jin wanted Pendar to join the Farstriders.  He and Karana were bickering throughout our travels assisting Jin.  I guess he is a man of learning, and dislikes Karana's rough ways.  Karana dislikes him because he puts knowledge above matters of the heart and soul.  I'm not sure what would happen if we left them alone together.  My guess is Pendar would insult her in subtle ways until she noticed and put an axe in his head.  I don't think having them both in the Pack would work well.  Also, there's something about Pendar... I'm not sure I want him in the Pack either... maybe I just need more time with him.  Of course, I'm not sure I want to do that either; I really don't like his sharp tongue.  And that hood over his face all the time... Tegan does the same thing.  Something about hiding that way puts me off.

Speaking of Tegan... she's gotten so dark.  I wonder if magic like that can twist your soul.  I only know a little nature magic, but she is almost overflowing with the great power of deep arcane magic.  Could it be it?  Does having magic like that lead to the desire for only more of the same?  Power corrupts, so they say, and I can almost see it happening to her.

During the course of our adventure with Jin, he had to speak with an old woman who was said to be a dream speaker.  She appears to be much more than that, though, because she also spoke to the rest of us (Tegan, Pendar, Xan, Karana, and me).  I don't remember what she told the others exactly (something about Xan freeing Pranzis, Tegan and balancing power and love, Pendar stepping off the path, and Karana not finding peace in love), but she told me I was walking a fine path, and one step either way would mean no going back.  She also said my friends' paths might not move favorably with mine.  I feel very disappointed, since apparently everyone else's tellings meant something to them, but I can't find any real meaning in mine.  Did she mean that I, too, am wandering towards darkness?  One step either way...?  I wish I knew.

Tegan may have left the Farstriders, but she will always be welcome there - but only because of her history with us.  She has taken to traveling with, shall we say, less than savory characters.  I don't trust most of their motives.  I have met several people like that in darker places in the cities, and I don't trust them either.  I think Tegan is really after more power, and she sees something of power in them that she wants.  She saw power in Remiel, but too incorruptible I guess.  There wasn't enough power in Armolas.  In her new companions, she sees power she can use.

It is nice having a family again.  The Farstriders have really become my family... well, sort of.  Jin and Karana are like brother and sister to me.  Armolas and Xan are like close cousins; closer than friends, but not part of your household.  But you can still trust them to protect you no matter what.  Tegan... like an annoying aunt who thinks she knows better than you, but has never married since no man can stand getting close to her.  Still... I find myself being very lonely sometimes.  I think that's part of what Tegan is looking for - a man to stand beside her.

[DeadHead Fred]

So what do I do now?

Let me see if I can figure out how I ended up in this situation... I heard a rumor of a group of halflings who had escaped from Stone and were now living in Hurm. I suppose I should have been suspicious of anyone living in Hurm, since that is a town with a less than friendly reputation. But when I reached the town, my questions seemed to fall on deaf ears. I couldn't find any group of halflings like that. The few halflings I met did not really want to talk, but the little they did say eventually made me think that I was on the wrong track. Ah, well, another rumor without any truth to it. Then I noticed a few people keeping an eye on me, which was a little troubling, but not really surprising. The surprising thing was when I found out they were also keeping an eye on those I talked to, and making sure they didn't tell me anything. Things just seemed funny, so I stopped asking questions and just started watching and listening quietly. After a while of living in Hurm, I was certain that there weren't any group of Stone refugees here, and was ready to leave.

Something bugged me, though: why didn't someone want me asking questions? Well, not my concern, I thought. There was no one here for me, so I started looking for a ship leaving for Leilon. Once again, I should have paid more attention; the ship I got passage on turned out to be captained by a pirate, who was looking for me. Me? Why me?

I guess he had found out that I was lurking about Hurm asking questions someone didn't want asked. He wanted to know what I found out. That didn't take long to tell, and surprisingly, he believed me when I told him that was all I knew. He put me back ashore in Hurm, and I looked for somewhere to sleep for the night, planning to look for a ship in the morning (and vowing to take more care in selecting one).

Once again, a ship wasn't too hard to find, and I did pay attention. So much so that I heard the talk around the docks about a little fight between a couple of bands of pirates. A nasty, messy sort of fight, with dead bodies. Well, bodies and some angry survivors. Survivors who were interested in finding who had set them up, and paying them back a little. I couldn't imagine that the little I knew could have helped anybody, especially since it wasn't related to anything involving pirates. I didn't know if my pirate friend from the day before was involved in the battle, or even who won. However, I like my skin in one piece, and I keep it that way by slipping out before trouble finds me.

Travelling be sea would be too obvious; after all, my pirate friend had found me that way easily before. So I decided to go for a little walk. Maybe a little time away from the town would allow time for whoever to lose interest, and I could quietly find a ship and get out of there. Or I supposed I could travel a little more, maybe all the way to Lorindar. A bit longer of a trip than I wanted to do, but I like I said, I like my skin in one piece.

So I camped outside of town for a few days and watched. It didn't take long. I saw a group of men, one of whom seemed to be looking for tracks, and seemed to be following the trail I had used. I wasn't sure then that they were following me, but why take chances? I headed out as quickly as I could.

It was soon clear I was just barely staying ahead of them. I wouldn't have thought they would be able to follow me, as I am pretty darn good at not leaving traces when I travel through the wilderness, but they must have had someone equally good with them. I headed south through the Serpent and Spine mountains, barely staying a day ahead of them. These were some determined pirates! And I had a serious problem; I was worn out and alone.

It then occurred to me that Pranzis wasn't too far ahead. Prantz, actually, but I wasn't too picky at that moment. Karana and the Unnamed had a house there, so maybe I would run into someone I knew and wouldn't mind me borrowing their portal. And the Prantz city militia were said to be tough, no nonsense sort of people. I thought that would be useful also.

Well, I made it to the city, and saw a little of why the whispers were spreading about Prantz. The guards at the gate looked me over very, very carefully, and made sure I wasn't one of those evil people who used magic (I lied about the minor magic items I was carrying), and that I wasn't any sort of thief (I lied about this, too). I could see I would have a hard time moving around in the shadows in this city. Hopefully, those following me would be equally stymied.

I made myself scarce among the people of the city. Karana wasn't home, so I got a room and rested a bit. The next day, I went looking around the city, without asking too many questions (I hoped). I found that asking questions was frowned on (unless the city guards were doing the asking). I also found that I had been found. While walking about the city, I saw a man, I think the one who was doing the tracking, and about the same time he saw me. There was a shock of recognition between us, then a slow smile on his face. I slipped into the crowd, and he lost me, but now he knew I was here. I headed for the east gate of the city, but ran into a couple of unsavory characters just outside the city (luckily, before they ran into me). I returned to the city, and tried another gate, with the same results. In fact, every gate appeared to be being watched. I also saw the man who recognized me being asked to leave the city (he looked unsavory also). Unfortunately, I'm not sure he was the only one in Prantz.

So here I am, stuck in Prantz. I've settled down in a room, and I told the innkeeper I was Jen-Jen Greenfield (and managed to keep my face blank while using my lost daughter's name). I'm sure that the Prantz guard would look down on false names, but right now I'm just trying to keep myself out of the hands of the pirates. I spend most of my time in my room, and I've sort of settled down here, with a small job in a kitchen to help me blend in. I can't imagine what I did to offend them so, but they have followed me for a long distance and time. I assume someone must really be offended by my desire to keep my skin intact, to go to such trouble. Hopefully, they will eventually give up and leave, but in the meantime I will keep myself invisible in this city where nothing is hidden.

[DeadHead Fred]

Things change over time.  Something always true in life, I guess, but I find it rather fitting right now.

I was hiding in Prantz, trying to escape whatever fate certain persons from Hurm had in store for me for deeds on my part that are unknown to me.  Even when I write it, it doesn't make any sense.  Ok, some pirates from Hurm wanted me dead.  I don't know why.  Something I did, something I didn't do, something I know that I shouldn't, something I told someone I shouldn't have.  I think that about covers it. Of course, they may have suspected me of all of the above, and more besides.  

The most important part of it is, it's all irrelevant now.  Although I was settling down here in Prantz, I still occassionally walk around the city to see if anyone is watching for a halfling lady looking to leave.  Although I usually have seen at least one person skulking outside of the city (presumably waiting for me), I didn't see anyone who looked suspicious (any more than normal, that is).  However, when I returned to my room, I found the innkeeper had a message for me.  Actually, it was for "the halfling lady wearing the checked green skirt, woodland shirt, and barefoot", which describes what I was wore that day.  Odd, to say the least.  But the message was: "The persons who have followed you from Hurm have realized the error of their ways, and will bother you no more."  It was unsigned, and I didn't recognize the hand that penned it.

A couple days later, I went on a long walk outside the city, and saw no one looking disreputable and looking for me.  Perhaps the message is true; I haven't seen any of the people that followed me from Hurm anywhere since.

I still stayed here, though.  In the kitchen where I worked, there was another halfling, Ham was his name.  He was a hard worker, a good person, but most importantly, he helped immensely in my first few days in Prantz.  He was supporting his family, specifically his grandfather, who had a small farm south of the city, and refused to leave it (old folk can be so stubborn).  Ham said his cousin and her family were going to move there, before the start of the next planting.  Their own farm was failing, but they didn't want to give up on this year.  But in the meantime, Ham's grandfather was alone, his wife having passed on recently, and without her was having great difficulties in working the farm.  His wife had always been the one who made things go smoothly on the farm.  So, to repay the help Ham had given me in my desperation, I offered to fill in for his grandfather's wife.

Having written that, it sounds wrong in so many ways... Let me restate it:

I offered to help Ham's grandfather work the farm this season, until Ham's cousin Mella and her family got there.  I am no expert on farming, but I learned a lot from Korgo.  Still, you'd think the grandfather (who was in his late one-hundreds) would have figured out better how to get things done.  Between us though, we pulled in a meager harvest.

The most unusual thing to me was how much I enjoyed farming, even in these lousy times.  I felt great satisfaction in what little we actually accomplished.  Korgo would have been proud of the way I felt; he tried very hard to help me be happy on the farm.  In fact I enjoyed it so much, I was considering settling down here again.

Maybe it was the cold of winter that changed it.  Maybe it was being lonely, in a way that Tam (Ham's grandfather) couldn't help (he was good company, when he was in a good mood).  Maybe it was my curiosity rising.  Maybe I'm just not fated to settle down right now.  Anyway, I lost that conviction to settle down, but I'm not sure what I'll do right now.  Mella and family arrived, so Tam is taken care of.  I haven't really felt anywhere is home since I lost Korgo.