The Memoirs of Rhynnala Asantiani

[LynnJuniper]

   I’ve begin looking into a ritual to bind my conjuring spells to Ilsare , for when I officially become affiliated with her. That is what I have decided to do. I will seek out those with more knowledge than I, regardless of how I feel. Freldo recommended Lady Reventage , and Ranewin. Both of them….Well, Reventage thinks I’m illogical and scatterbrained, but that’s alright because I am…and Ranewin…Don’t know how comfortable I’d be talking to her. Awkward situations and the like….


I suppose I should write about the strange goings on before I forget:

   With a small group, derived from a larger one, we set out from Fort Llast to learn exactly what has been going on in the area lately. A woman in Llast, her name keeps escaping me! Started with a  J…oh well…Said she saw some odd things while riding her horse in the grey peaks. She felt cold, like she was being watched, and immediately some of us recognized the feeling as what we ourselves felt whenever that evil presence made itself known, either near the crypts or in the Red Light caverns.

   We broke into two groups. Pyyran led the first group into the Greypeaks, and I led the other back to Hlint to speak with the Quartermaster. With that, we set out. On our way there, a commoner approached us, dragging us near Moraken’s tower. We saw horrible bodies, white with their hair straight up, fear in their eyes and smelling horribly of death and decay.

   We searched the bodies and found nothing, so we went into Hlint to find Talon. We found him in the grave yard, ranting about grave stones. When pressed, he told us that the stone was marked as 50 years old but was really reused and over a thousand.  There was an inscription a name of sorts I guess “Laptor ….I …an” and bits of a poem “Long ago there are shadows of sorrow”. I recognized this poem as something the commoners have been talking about, and have it in its entirety written in my book. Anyway, When touching the stone , Annalee and I felt a great sadness and sorrow. And it scares me to think that she thinks this entity is not evil. I know she was right about the horses…but I don’t want her getting hurt.

   The temperature then suddenly dropped, and  some sort of ..ghoul appeared, telling us “Go back”. Well, we didn’t listen. We followed him into the crypt.  To no avail though, he disappeared.

   My first assumption was that whatever Lich that was defeated in the crypt a long time ago, wasn’t really defeated at all, and is now back. I’m not so sure that is the case now, But I’m still not ruling it out. It may just be a simple ghost, but one can never be too cautious, can they?

   It was at that point when Steel arrived. Since he could not speak we could barely make out that he wanted us to follow him to the other group in the peaks. It still pains me very much to look at him, knowing who he is. But I listened as best I could and followed him none the less.

   Deep in the peaks, there was fog…lots of fog… Now that I think on it, it was probably foolish to run right into it, but follow Steel we did. What we found was terrible. All our friends dead. They were risen of course, but once again we saw the lingering ghoul before he disappeared.

   Downtrodden, we headed back to Llast, where I am informed that those first arriving saw the ghoul disappear near the Blackford Castle area. Whatever this thing is, it’s a plague upon the living. Annalee is convinced we need to help it, and has been reluctant to leave the stone alone since. If I get some proof that we should be helping this thing, I’ll stand by her, but until then I have to be prepared for the worst. I want to protect her, I don’t want anything to happen to her or the children. May Ilsare’s loving eyes watch over her.

   Went to the Arms later that night, accompanied on the walk by Lia. It was …a bit uncomfortable. She said there are things she would tell me, about …how to harm another without killing them, but that she would only tell me when I completely trusted her. First of all, I don’t like the way “harming another without killing them” sounds. I know there are things worse than death. I’ve endured some things That I perceive as worse, and I would not wish them upon another any more then I would want to kill them. I don’t know if I’ll ever fully trust Lia at all. It’s not her that I fear, it is the magic she possesses. She told me she used to work for Blood, asked “why would anyone trust me?” Its not even that…I believe in redemption.

Saw Freldo off to Dregar, before coming back to Hlint to make sure Anna was alright. Its good that I see him more often again, It was getting to be almost unbearable being apart from him. I love him and I’ll stand with him always, but loneliness can sometimes be a horrible thing to cope with…worse than death.

Weird thing happened that I don’t even want to write about. There was an elf new to Hlint, looked and sounded exactly like Saebhel. I went…I must have fallen to the enchantment placed on my mind. I knew a clarity spell would’ve been useful then, why did I not cast?

Next thing I remembered I was really close to him , as if hugging, outside of the courthouse. Odd. It freaked me out and I hastily asked what happened. He said That I kept calling him Master, and Saebhel, and that I would not listen when he told me he was not him. He assured me nothing happened besides going into the sewers and helping him get the tax book. I’ll have to take his word on it and pray that he is not lying to me.

I won’t tell anyone that’s happened…so long as it doesn’t again. I feel bad , I must have made a terrible impression on the man’s first days in Hlint.

I’m going to research this conjuring ritual, and then see if I can find someone to teach me more of Ilsare.

[LynnJuniper]

Notes, Because I have no desire to write anything these days:    

 

• Learning more about Ilsare. Spoke briefly with Reventage and Ranewin.  
• Pretty sure Freldo is ignoring me or something, mostly on the trip to Dregar we took recently. Ash said he’s just being stuck up because of his “new influential friends” but she has kind of a biased opinion so I’m not going to think about it.  
• Annalee seems tired..Godda talk to her more often  
• Note to self: Stay around Abigail and help to ease her pain too  
• Met another Arcane Alliance council member. Tatlathou or something I can’t spell whatever he said and right now I don’t really care to try. He seemed a bit off, powerful necromancer though  
• A bunch of us, Brisbane included have spoken with the Lady of the Land, got her to convert to Allurial’s side of things, and are working to find the four seeds of the seasons to mend the broken forest. We found one in Willow’s Weep  
• I’ve been working on cooking and can feel myself getting better..I wanna make a good wife one day so I best get learning…Just hope someone will appreciate it.

[LynnJuniper]

A Couple things to talk about. Once again, the group and I gathered in Hampshire to help Stuart. This time we were going to talk to Susanna’s father  in order to give Stuart a chance to be wed to the one he loved. It was a great mission to be on, perfect for an Ilsarian. I wanted nothing more than to unite Stuart and Susanna through the bond of marriage. I must have mentioned The Lady Of Dreams a lot, because one participant mistook me for a cleric before we started the battles, but I am getting ahead once more.
   To make a long story short, Tegan and Annalee managed to convince the merchant noble to give Stuart a chance. All we have to do is get the three items, and come up with 10,000 coins to pay the merchant. We looted from the monsters we killed along the way, more than half of that sum already. We also learned that the scumbag Christian has two of the items needed. That’s alright though, we have two now as well, and only the Hound pelt is left. It is a race against the clock.

   I had my talk with Freldo, and things are once again settled.  He wants me to be recognized, and thinks I deserve it, but I think I finally convinced him that I care little for those things. I care…a little, but not as much as he does. I guess it’s a bard thing. Eccentric Mages, Bards that Strive for Fame…I guess its just separate places in the world. He’s been gone off and on for a while, but I know that even apart I still hold a piece of him with me, and that bonds of love know no distance. Ilsare has taught me as much.

   He wants to “Open doors” for me, give me an opportunity to do great things. My greatest aspiration is just to live the life I’ve wanted to live since before even going to Saebhel’s as an apprentice. I wish to learn all I can of the Weave, to become well read In the ways of Lore, and to be married with children as any normal woman my age would be. I do have some new goals, To learn more of the planes and to help with Blood’s war, and with Roldem and everything else as much as I can but looking at the time, it is almost three years since I have been here, almost my twenty sixth birthday…time is passing faster than I could have ever imagined.

   Abigail seems a bit better now, and for that I am most glad. I gave her a couple bags of Xeenite dust that I bought from Treana. I was, and am worried about her, but as long as her condition continues to approve….I will be happy to see her cheerful again.

   Three years…twenty six years old in mere days….Hmmm…

I've pretty much started delving into books on Elven myself. Kyle is not always around and Ash seems disinterested and not committed to teaching me anymore. Kyle does what he can , but I must now take it to the next step and start doing more myself. I am starting to understand a greater majority of what I hear, but many words and phrases still escape me with their structure

[LynnJuniper]

Another year come and gone, This one made with a promise.


   I spent much of the time before my birthday joking around with a group of people I consider friend. Abigail, Nyyana, Wmeve, Kiva (Well, I don’t know if I consider him friend), and a woman I’ve just met named Janice. A nice enough group, Wmeve was commenting on each of us in Elven, and Kiva was translating. It was kind of funny actually. Eventually Freldo stopped by the join in on the fun.
   Afterwards, a group of people decided to all go and take on the Haven mines, however it was too crowded for me, I guess I reverted back into a bit of my old self: Large crowds scare me, and sometimes attention scares me as well. I think it has something to due with Saebhel and roses keep popping into my head but I don’t know exactly why.
   Best not to think about it….

   I spent the early hours of my birthday sitting around with Mith. It made me happy to get to spend time with him again as I so rarely get the chance. He’s always off with Anna. Not that I’m jealous. It’s as it should be. I just miss him. Freldo joined us and Mith said something about Anna wanting him to teach her how to play her instruments, but not asking because she thought it would upset me and take time away form us. Silly girl, I have to set her straight, I wouldn’t mind at all. In fact, while she’s off doing that maybe Mith can take up teaching me again. He promised he’d take me somewhere and teach me something as a belated birthday gift. I hope its nothing too dangerous, I wouldn’t want him putting himself in harms way for teaching me.

   Afterwards , Kinson came up and gave me a pretty yellow flower to wish me a happy birthday. Freldo saw him near me, and I guess His thought process was Rhynn……….Paladin………Help. Kind of cute really. He started acting..well…really weird. Weirder than usual. Started saying the oddest things. Maybe that’s why Kiva thinks he’s sexually confused. I told him afterwards that he didn’t have to fight my battles for me but now I kind of regret it. I have to clear up what he meant. I want him to fight the battles I ask for his help with. If I ask first, as I did with my other paladin problems, then I want him to help.

   I told Freldo it was my birthday, I never told him when it was before because it never seemed to matter. Time goes by so fast in this place and no one seems to keep track of it. He said he had a present for me and told me to close my eyes. When I did he whispered something into my ear.

   “Lets get married”

   He said it wasn’t his official proposal, but its good enough for me. It made me feel something beyond happiness that I can’t even express in words here.

   And then we went off to Dregar for some giant smashing with Addison. I had one chase me, but I managed to get a good head start so I ran away from it successfully. A few more started shooting arrows at be but I put a door between us until I could prepare myself again.

   We took the way back to Mistone through Karthy, and Freldo seemed to get a little upset that I almost took the wrong door out. He was worried about me, so I didn’t say that It got me a bit sad. I can see where he’s coming from though, I can be reckless at times.

   Well, we got back to Mistone safely, and I still have a few grapes that I want to try and turn into more Xeenite wine for Freldo and Abigail.

[LynnJuniper]

I seem to be caught in a maelstrom of emotion. Lust, Confusion, Love,  Rage, Confusion, Sadness, Happiness, Confusion….Mostly confusion….

Do I really want to write any of what I am feeling? No…I’ll remember most of it for myself.


Freldo
Mith
Abigail.


There….I’ll pen those three names. When I see them , I’ll remember on my own the emotion(s) each one brings forth….

Perhaps at a later date, when I am not so frustrated with myself, I can sit back and scribe all there is to write on the situation. For now, I have to find my path from within many, and commit myself to walking it. With any path I choose will be a gain and a loss, a gift and a consequence…Now…

Which path is it?

[LynnJuniper]

On this page is another giant scribble..this one not done angrily and in deep black ink, but with swirls of four different colors  

[LynnJuniper]

So this is how it happened…

Abigail and Freldo…got into a squabble on the road of Hlint…Right in front of me. Talking about me as if I wasn’t even there. Abigail was concerned for me. She is convinced that Freldo “Treats [me] like dirt.” And she finally confronted him about it. I walked into it with her yelling at him for not “being affectionate enough to [me].” He assured her that “I don’t have to light off fireworks every time I see her, I have her in my own way.” He said many people complain about the way he treats me , but that I was my own lady and I still chose to stay with him. Abigail still did not seem convinced but Freldo seemed to loose interest in the conversation and went on mocking Kiva. This is when Mith found me and brought me off to collect clay for ring molds for him. He said it seemed as if I needed to get away. I’m grateful he pulled me out of that stressful situation. I don’t think I’ve ever been so embarrassed , or confused in my life. I questioned Mith about what I was enduring, and he said it was obvious: Abigail does this because she is in love with you.

That hit me like a ton of bricks. Here I was helping a woman that I care deeply for, never realizing that I was causing her to have feelings for me….Never realizing that I may be growing feelings for her in return. I cared for her, and was concerned for her all throughout what she faced with Angela. I wanted to see Abigail better, and it made me unbelievably happy when she seemed to be over her sadness. I care about her, but are my feelings as hers? I’m getting too far ahead…

Mith took me back to Ireth’s house to drop some things off, and handed me Ilsare’s stardust as a present. Fitting. It was one of the few things that day to make me smile, but it made me uncomfortable as well, because it just brought more confusing feelings to surface. Just what did I feel towards Mith, the man who for three years has been my mentor. I knew what It was. It was what I felt for Ozymandias when I first arrived in Hlint. Not love, but some odd form of infatuation. A child’s idolization…only maybe not so childish. I admitted these feelings to him, only to be told in return that he had feelings of desire for “The beautiful woman who is my apprentice.”

We would never, will never come to feel love for each other. Our hearts are locked in separate places..but as we spoke, uncomfortably…I’ll get to that later…

Abigail arrived again, and the three of us went to speak for a while by Blackford castle. In speaking to her she confirmed what Mith had told me, even if she did not say the words. her words, though not direct, spoke of her feelings twaords me  and she made promises of affection to me. She said I deserved to be treated right, I deserved true love and happiness, With her, or with anyone who made me feel that way..

I told her the truth. I told her of my confusion. I told her I did not wish to hurt her…

Then I felt the need to get away…I needed to be away from all both of them..No, from all three of them for a time to allow myself to think. I prayed to Ilsare at the temple for hours on the situation, asking, begging for a sign.

Mith found me again…and…


Only Abigail knows what I do not even dare to write here. I told her, and she said my fragile state was taken advantage of. I did not, will not think of it like that. I refuse to place him in the same place Saebhel had been.

Even if my mind was in a fragile , easily influenced state, It is still all my fault. I must tell him.

And then I must accept any and all consequences…

And then I must repent; pray to Ilsare for forgiveness
And wait until she deems me worthy of love again.

[LynnJuniper]

*Written on a tear blotched page, barely legiable*

Its as I've expected..He left me..Mith is going away...I've hurt Abigail.

Anna does not hate me and It hurts worse than it would if she did...

He left me...

All alone now...

I love him so much...

I'll Miss him...

I'll miss all of them...

[LynnJuniper]

Completley OOC Post

(In preperation for CDQ)  

 
 
  First and foremost , this is my official thank you for good role play from beginning to where we are now all round. I want to thank everyone who has aided In the process of molding Rhynn into what she is today, and here’s to continuing to mold her, and all of the characters around her. Here Here!    So let me do this OOC Post, in the way that the great Kali of the Leilon Arms , would do a card reading *grins*    ((This is also in preparation for whatever CDQ I plan to request for Rhynn soon))   Past:     So what was Rhynn when she started out? No, I mean first started. She was a spunky gal, full of temper and rage. She was silly, easily influenced, and yet had no idea that the man named Saebhel had done so many wrongs to her, until the day she talked to Miss AnnaLee and Miss Ireth, and Keaira’tynen reared her pretty but deadly little head. It was on this day she learned how easily her mind could be influenced, and how easily she had fallen to the powers of a perverse enchanter.     But it did not make Rhynn any wiser. She continued to be influenced by those around her, by Elezandor, Koralawyn, and the Black Horse Called Anger….    And this brings Rhynn to Freldo. It’s been one crazy ride after another with him. Up down Up down up down. Did Rhynn love him? Yes. But Rhynn, ultimately felt in his shadow, dependent (Even though he did try to push her to become her own person) , useless to him and anyone he happened to be around at the time, and ultimately miserable. Don’t get me wrong, she was in love, and she was happy , but she would have never spoke up about these things that were bothering her. She would have continued to take the abuse as she did from Saebhel, refuse to listen to the words of wisdom from anyone around her, and refuse to lift a finger to help herself.     Present:     Rhynn feels, more than anything else, Older. She feels more in tune with the workings of the world. Before Freldo left her, she had very little in the way of worldly experience. Now, she knows what works and what doesn’t, she knows that in order to get anywhere she has to speak up for herself.    While Rhynn’s goal in the past had been “To Live simply for the sake of living” She has, ironically enough taken up Freldo’s way of living in addition. Being out of the shadow now, she wishes to make her name and uses known, By herself. She doesn’t want to be remembered as “The Gal of some guy everyone knows” or anything along those lines. She wants to be remembered as Rhynn the great Wizard.    That brings me to Rhynn and Abigail. Does Rhynn love Abigail? Yes she does. She cares deeply for her, However, at this time I believe it would be foolish and too quick to rush into anything, even though our characters (or, well I’ll just speak for Rhynn) seem to be moving at a pace in which I cannot control her. Rhynn , wants to make sure she’s not just crying for affection (Which in the long run, is not the case), but more importantly wants to be sure she can stand on her own first before she allows another to walk with her.    As of now, Rhynn is currently in the process of removing her things from Freldo’s room in Leilon, and is set up in a room that Ael so graciously let her have in Fort Llast, along with a bunch of furniture. Thank you once again Ael!     Future:          My Plans For Rhynn are still very up in the air and depend (ironically) Greatly on the occurrences around her. I am in the process of working up some kind of CDQ that would allow her to become more secure with who she is and what she can do, and less dependent on the words, actions, or presence of others. How she will act around those around her depend on who those around her are. But don’t expect Rhynn not to give you grief if you give her grief. She won’t be quite as Dark as what she had fallen into at one point, but she’ll be more likely to stand up and say when she doesn’t like how she’s being treated, regardless of who you are.    What I do want to say is that It would not be in Rhynn’s character, after everything that had happened afterwards, to try and get Freldo back. Once in a message, Freldo’s Player said something along the lines of “Maybe it’s a coincidence that Freldo being away all this time fleshed out Rhynn’s character and made her more independent.” I believe that a leave of more permanent structure would allow her to fully find her independence. She must learn to walk alone, before she can allow another to walk with her     I still have Rhynn learning Elven, and in addition to that Rhynn is planning to Help Abigail learn Infernal and find out more about herself, whilst trying to learn the language herself. Rhynn is also still very devout to Ilsare. She knew that being with Mith went against Ilsare’s teachings does repent for them, and will until she believes Ilsare has deemed her worthy of love again..which seems to be sooner than she thought actually.    What does this mean?        In some way, Rhynn DOES Regret what she did. Want to know how I know? *Grins and winks*        Because Rhynn’s nature has changed. And as we all know (Well, we would if we listen and can actually figure out the riddle)       “Only regret can change the true nature of a man”    I feel as if I , the player, have figured this out personally along side of Rhynn, even if it is only a game. I find these words to be utterly correct form any standpoint, game or real life….Ozy , Ozy, how do you do it? By the way…Where the Nine Blexing Hells are you!?       Friends    All the while Rhynn was surrounded by some wonderful friends. I can’t mention them all and give them ample praise, but I can mention the few that have influenced Rhynn in ways that will only make her grow as a person.        AnnaLee -- Rhynn will always consider AnnaLee a sister at heart . Although at this point she feels utterly unworthy of whatever love AnnaLee wishes to offer in return. And What’s worse is she (Rhynn) does not feel half as bad about what she did as she should. Rhynn does not understand why Anna does not feel any sort of anger towards Rhynn for what she did. But then, she also knows that it is not truly in her nature, and that, makes Rhynn hurt more.        Mith -- Mith, Mith , Oh where do I start. Silly infatuations, maybe even a hint of Jealously towards Annalee? All was hinted at (Even in stating the opposite) through Rhynn’s Character Dev journal. Rhynn Will continue to love him as a mentor , and will seek to once again begin learning all she can from him. She still knows his time is short, but will still do her best to cherish the time he has left, and remember the times they had. Never will Rhynn (or I) forget trekking through the tomb of Slaadi and vampires before attending the meeting about the Horses in the courthouse that day *grins*        Kyle -- Kyle has been a brother to Rhynn the whole ways through. A shoulder to cry on and an ear that would always listen to whatever problems were going on in Rhynn’s world. Hopefully I can continue to flesh out this character relationship, and they will continue to be close “Siblings” at heart.        Treana -- There is no place in Rhynn’s life for this wonderful woman and rper any longer. Treana’s lawful views just do not sit well with Rhynn, and Rhynn’s chaotic nature does not sit well with Treana (Perhaps I shall seek a CDQ to move my alignment to Chaotic good). That being said, I will miss all of the talks and role playing opportunities I have had with Treana, ever since the very beginning.          Ael -- While not seeing the man half as much as she wish she could, Rhynn has been influenced by him. She wishes beyond hope that she could someday obtain the calm collected air , and incredible focus that this man has about him. Rhynn cares deeply for him , due to the fact that he will always focus directly on her when she is speaking, and will offer his advice wherever he can. While Kyle is a brother figure, and Mith is that of a mentor, Ael has taken on the form of the closest thing to a loving father Rhynn will ever see or have.
 
  Thomas -- Rhynn's Crazy Toy Soldier! Har! He has influenced Rhynn, as much as she would like to hide it. Constant head bashing , and bickering, but he was the first instance in which Rhynn had to really stand up for herself and do something to fix the situation. It took a while it took prodding, poking, yelling, and screaming from EVERYONE but in the end she did it. Rhynn tried to be his friend, and tried to listen, but for her greater intentions she betrayed a promise. Now that I look back...There's just a bit more than a little forshadowing here...Layonara really does play out like a novel. *Grins*      To all those who I did not mention, know that you effect Rhynn’s life greatly simply by being there, and playing the wonderful characters that are in your heart to play.      …In summation: Rhynn is no longer in the shadow of anyone. She will walk alone, she will be like a tree , strong and independent, and will not grow to the side any longer. She will have her first and truest love, Magic. She will never stop loving him, but she knows that perhaps this was for the best. So, Thanks once again, Its been a rough but fun ride Wonderful Rp all around…and remember        “We do, control our own destiny”          

Rhynn/Jess  

[LynnJuniper]

Things are just getting stranger and stranger, as I keep loosing the ones I love most. My three favorite people, gone. I lost Freldo, I lost Abigail, and now I’ve lost Mith as well…  Maybe I should just stop…go Home. .I’m sure my sisters will let me live with them. But I know that’s not the answer. I must press forward. I need to talk to Ael. He brought me comfort through the first bit of this, simply because he is so calm , and I can’t help but feeling calm as well when he’s around.         I guess I should explain how all of it came to be, so here I go once more, as briefly as I can    I decided to leave Abigail. She did not agree with my using necromancy, or at least with my raising the dead. My magic, as I have learned, is my truest love. I cannot be asked to chose between it, and I will not be asked to stop performing a bit of magic It’s taken me three and a half years to master …not for anything. So I decided to leave.. If she could not accept me for what I am, then so be it…   And then the talk with Anna in the Freelancers. Mith left her…Mith left her and the children and vowed never to speak with me again. Apparently Anna and Mith came across some sort of undead creature in the guise of Anna. Anna saw a gravestone with her name on it. She had a vision having to due with a book, and saw Mith and I, aged. She became, to my knowledge, terribly scared of Mith, and Mith could not bare to see the frightened look in her eyes. He left. I miss him….   I vowed never to speak with him…But All through the talk with Ozymandias (which I’ll get to later) I knew, there was someone shrouded just out there in the distance. I could have cast see invisibility , but I did not want to draw attention to him. I was content with him simply watching over Anna…with him watching over me…   But as we returned from the Lake by Blackford Castle, to Hlint, I just couldn’t take it anymore…While Ozymandias and Anna helped some guy out with the goblins in the Wastelands, I broke off from them and turned invisible myself. I knew Mith would not be able to see me, as he cannot perform divination spells. So I simply watched. Even though Mith completely changed his garb, I knew it was him. Anyone that knew him well would know….   And then his spell wore, and I canceled my own as well…He did not run from me, so instead we stayed to talk for a short time. He told me never to lift a finger to perform a necromancy spell again…I don’t know if I can do that…My spells are getting more powerful. I don’t know if I can forsake a bit of the Weave….for anything. But..I will at least not use necromancy until this is sorted…   I gave him my greater spell craft gloves. He seemed so amazed that they existed, and so amazed that I had them…and he’s done so much for me that I could not help but let him have them. He gave me a pair of spell craft gloves to replace them in return, and before he left he told me.     “Do not look for me, not just yet”   And once again..just like when Insanity took hold of him. He handed me his walking stick..I'd like to think of it as a sign that he will return for it one day, when he can talk to me again.   Its funny,…I have promised myself to be independent, and not to lean on anyone like I did in the past…but Now I lean on this…thing…as if I would fall down if I did not have it…      I guess some promises are made to be broken…..
    --------------
   The situation with Stuart, Susanna and Christian is over. We got him the Hound Pelt, persued by Assasins all the way. I fell but once, but no ill came of it. On the way back, we met up with a Drow female Archer, who had what seemed to be an army of assasins behind her. She asked for a hundred thousand gold to let us pass. I offered to go get the gold, and headed for Susanna in hopes that she would give me the money to free Stuart from a terrible fate, but the other group came back before I could even get the gold. They said Tegan had figured out that it was simply an illusion, and she was the only one there. Good for her for figuring that out.
 
  So We Returned, only to find that Christian had gotten there first. My dear he called me when I spoke against him. MY DEAR...He made me so angry! I almost could have killed him! But I let Stuart do that...What I mean is, It was assigned by Susanna's father, that since both suitors had the gold, and the items, they would have a duel to the death. And Stuart won...Susanna and Stuart , I hope, will live happily ever after with Ilsare's blessing. The end.
 
  --------------
 
  *Below this is a chart, which would only make sense to herself, Annalee, and Ozymandias*  Rhynn: Honety > Compassion Justice > Valor Sacrifice > Honor Humility > Spirituality Justice > Honesty Justice > Compassion  Justice  
 
  AnnaLee:  Compassion > Honesty Justice > Valor Sacrifice > Honor Spirituality > Humility Honesty > Justice Compassion> Justice  Compassion   AnnaLee has forgiven me, and after a long talk with Ozymandias that the three of us had, I decided its time to move on from feeling sorry about myself. Yes, I regret what I have done…And now its time to do something about it.     “Welcome Rhynn, Welcome Finally, To Real Life”

[LynnJuniper]

Three Faces now…and who is the third? Dark Hair Sullen eyes, Human….She coiled back at my attempt to hug her, jumped and got away…However she did talk to me afterwards so I don’t think things can be that bad between AnnaLee and I …yet..
   She seems to spring at everyone’s touch…This thing inside of her is pulling her away from mostly everyone, and I can’t understand why. Who is this third person….

   He told me to get away from him…”Get away from me Rhynn” “Go Away Rhynn”….I guess I’m just stupid for trying to follow. He gets mad at me when I go against Anna’s words to try and talk to him, and then he gets even more upset when I DON’T go against Anna’s words and refuse to tell him where she is. The Truth was I didn’t know myself, all I knew was that Anna asked me to get Treana away from him. It tore me apart to do so. He was talking to her, He doesn’t have anyone else to talk to and as much as I would love to be there for him I can’t…so it hurt to pull away someone that he was connected with and speaking of his problems with. He needs to talk to someone about this, and I know his nature, he won’t speak with just anyone, and the people he would speak with Anna is pulling away.

   Lia came to talk to me about it all. Said that He sent a letter to the Arcane Alliance almost demanding that they stop teaching me necromancy. Lia said the purpose of the guild was to aid in the learning process , not hinder it. So she offered me with the choice, and the decision….I…agreed to keep learning necromancy. I will not forsake the bit of magic I’ve learned, not for anything.  Mith may be ready to do so. I am not.

   She told me Mith would not come back, and then as she saw my sadness she offered something else. I did not get what she was going at , at first, until she explained to me “It’s what I am, and what makes you fear me so. I could use enchantment to bring him to you.” I think in the end she knew I would never agree to it. A part of me, the selfish part, was all for it. But in the end It would not have been fair to do to him what was done upon me…and even then, it would never be real. Why would I ever agree to put someone in a prison similar to the one I had been in? Why would she even offer.. Why do I feel so bad? Because for one split second I felt like agreeing with her.

   I feel now as if I should trust Lia more…she was only trying to help me, trying to befriend me. She also offered me a new mentor. Rufus something or other, strong necromancer. She warned me against becoming “involved” or maybe just normal old involved with him as I did with Mith. I guess she’s seeing a pattern of me becoming attached to mentor type figures , and doesn’t want to see me hurt again…But then Geldar warned me, after all was said and figured, that Rufus was a Black Wizard. The question lays now: Can I walk the darkness with the Corathites and not fall in myself? Can I be like Mith?

   Something’s coming closer, I can feel it. The Fight with Blood is upon us, I know, but I don’t mean that..I mean me specifically…I’ve been remembering bits and pieces of dreams. I don’t remember what they are, but I remember balls and roses, I remember great diamond necklaces. I remember anger and hatred. I know that they’re form my past, and I know somehow my dreams are trying to connect my past with my present. I’m assuming it’s just stress…but maybe its something more….

   I should probably seek to talk to Kyle, or Ael, or Rain again , amongst the fray of people in Hlint, those three can calm me and make me understand what I alone cannot.


     I've heard about the meeting in the Leilon Arms to discuss Blood and the upcomming attack. I suppose I'll have to call upon Layla for another favor. I plan to have her go in my place, and write down everything that is discussed, and bring what she writes back to me...Maybe I should just go myself...I have yet to decide.

[LynnJuniper]

Written in a small text, as if to hide it from herself
 
   I know you're going away   I take my love into another day   In my thoughts you're with me   I fell in love with your ways       I know you're going away   Lead my heart into a daze   I know you're going away   Leaves a void in my heart and soul       Wherever you are   Whatever you do   I feel the walls surrounding you       Wherever you are   Whatever you do   I know you are independent   But I'm trying to get through to you       Wherever you are   Whatever you do   Don't you know, it depends on you
 
  ((OOC: once again, the song is by Within Temptation and is called Another Day))

[LynnJuniper]

I sit here, in Ryuu’s house in the Pranzies…waiting…Waiting for the tide of Dragon called to march into Lorindor. I will be with them. I will be , hopefully , amongst those fighting. I want to do my part. I want to be known. I want to fight for what I believe is right..

   I want to fight to honor my teacher, and to show everyone how Far I’ve come and how much I’ve learned. I am growing ever stronger, I have managed to master a few new spells today, including another quite powerful lightning one. Mith may not be here to teach me but I will still better myself in his name.

   Speaking of which. Thos decided to change form. As a part of my subconscious, a piece of my spirit. My familiar will often change forms when I undergo a drastic change. Thos must have sensed my grief…For now, Thos is one of the fey kind. Just like Icesis….It both pains me and brings me great joy to see him fluttering around. I guess between my clothes , and Thos now, I’m a sight to be seen, sure to confuse at least some.

   I must stop writing now. I fight, and I hope the people I fight along with do not fall …I hope I live long enough to write another entry.

   I pray for all I love and know, and all I fight beside. I pray for all who work to protect other battlefronts, and for those who fight to protect their homes.

   I will return to everyone, and I will live on/

[LynnJuniper]

   It has been almost a month now since I last wrote, through no fault of my own. The battle has come and gone, And with great victory also comes a great sacrifice. I only hope that the former can outweigh the later in this situation.
   An army of forty to fifty dragon called met in Lorindor for the final battle to protect the Pranzies. There, we split into four groups: A set of scouts, two holder groups, and the morale group. It was my group’s job to secure and hold the Pranzies’ Western Gate. We were headed by General Matilda.
   Before the battle, Katrien, who I hear is to be Ozymandias’ successor, and Freldo played a song to boost the spirits of the group. A song of hope, and of the lives of each race there…no words , but the violin was able to portray all of these things in my heart.
   
   And then we headed to our individual areas.


   In my opinion the West gate was the best organized: We had our lines and we held them. Fighters, Archers, and then Tathnolu and I in the back, as the mages. Speaking of Tathnolu, he offered to be my new mentor as well, but that’s a tale best left for another time.
   A Dwarf, a brave soul indeed, Varka, had a plan. He alone ventured to the Corax Lake, with pockets of explosives, to meet Blood’s war general, and decimate his troops. However, upon scyring, Dur’Thak (Who was also with us) figured out that he had been captured. The war general allowed Varka a fair duel, which he lost. And then…..
   
   He threw Varka’s corpse over the western gate of the city.


   Tathnolu and I decided to do something similar to what Dur’Thak did, to figure out just how many  troops awaited us. Katrien and Freldo aided us in song as we closed our eyes and fell into the powers of Divination and the Weave. What we found was astonishing. Two Black Rain armies at the Dalos Lake, Thousands of men at Corax, and Succubi and Other demons awaiting in the Forest of Midsts.

   And that’s when all the gates were attacked for the third and final time. On the third straight day of battle, the city of the Pranzies fell. We fought our hardest, and we barely managed to get out with our lives. But I do not see it as a complete failure.

   The Great Oak was protected well…in addition, Sinthar Bloodstone lives no more. Our fight was not in vain, and I wave the flag of the defenders of the Pranzies proudly.

   They accused us of loosing because: We were not organized under a King. Well, now neither are they. They no longer have Blood to leave them, and so the Pranzies will be back in our hands. I know it.

   But now, almost a month after it happened, the sky grows dark and black, covered with suit and ash. The sun is blocked out, and the temperature drops. Great beings are seen flying in the skies again, and I find myself scared for the future of Layonara.. We are now entering a dark age indeed.



   War is not a glorious thing. You may spout tales of Glory Honor, Justice, Truth and Love before the fight, you may spout it during the fight. The bards may see war as something to go down in history as being a wonderful magnificent thing…When in reality its not. Its just bloodshed, tears, and corpses. Fire , burning and the loss of lives.

   When I got back to war I talked to Kiva of all of these things, he offered his company to me, and I lay my head beside him, and I cried in his arms. And when all that was said and done…He said…If He knew it wouldn’t hurt me, he would have kissed me already…So I did it myself.

   And then, he took me to lake Rillon , and we spoke. In the end, he said that if I want a relationship, I may as well peruse it and see where it takes us, but he said he was no good with love. In Fort Himland he kissed me.

   And on the way back to Rilara, in Port Hampshire, Annalee met us. I jumped about five feet back and almost fell into the water. As Kiva left for Leilon he warned me not to believe a word Annalee told me of him. “Its all poison.”

   Annalee and I talked for a time. And Upon entering the Freelancers Tavern, we found Mith, who was just leaving. AnnaLee is distressed, she asked me why He doesn’t stop. I told her with certainty that it was because he loved her, but she did not seem to agree. Then I asked her outright: Do you love him?

   Yes, and I always will, but I hurt.

   I’m afraid I’ll never be able to understand. I’m Ilsarian by nature. AnnaLee told me that she would follow her, even into death, and she found that distressing. I , at the same time, found it the sweetest thing I have ever heard.  I almost told her the one thing I wished not to say. “I wish someone would act that way for me.”

   Then she began throwing out all of the hops that I am sure will not grow back with this impending darkness and the blockage of the sun. I think I may have made her mad when I told her in my sarcastic tone how much Katia loved how wasteful she was being. In the end, she offered to donate them to the temple and I guess that’s the most I could ask of her.

   I went back to Hlint..I do not understand my sister AnnaLee anymore. Our views upon this are just too different, and until things are more concrete, until I start seeing these things with my own eyes, I’m afraid I will not understand what AnnaLee is going through, and will only see her as hurting someone I care about very much….even if It breaks my heart to see her in pain as well…

   I saw Mith again, back in Hlint, talking to Kyle. He accused Kyle of hating him, and Kyle said it was because he was with me. I yelled for him to Shut up but Mith shooed me away again and took Kyle away so I would not follow…

   I can’t do this anymore…-I- hurt…I just want comfort, and something to ease this pain….

[LynnJuniper]

Zefyre, Ohri, Raziel, Orius, Turel, Farren, Aiden, and Lenoir,
 
     I implore you not to be worried over the current condition of the world, and would wish you to know that I am working as hard as I can along with the other ‘dragon called’ to save it. I have told you once before what being a dragon called means but, I will once again tell you, since the meaning is changing.
     Bloodstone is no more, brothers and sisters, we shall live a life free from his reign, as will all that come after. But as a result of such , the world is changing. Ash fills the sky, and a great darkness is overtaking the world. I saw it in a vision, and it was most and is most unsettling. A great hand holds Layonara within its grasp, keeping it safe from falling into the coming darkness. Rumors are spreading of the chromatic dragons of lore …that they are returning from hiding, or back into the world of Layonara all together. What this means I do not know, but I do know that there is yet more for me to do until I can return.  
  There will be no wedding. It’s a long story, and one I will not go into. Suffice to say my wants and needs have changed. Before, I wished nothing more than to live and become a wife and mother. No longer. This world of darkness is no place I would want to raise children. While I would embrace the love of another where I can, I cannot see myself settling down until I can make the world as suitable for settling down in as humanly possible. The crops are going to start failing due to the lack of sunlight and drop in temperature. The animals will begin to starve and die, and famine will start to cause havoc in the world. I do not wish to scare you, but rather to warn you. Gather food while you can, the temperature drop and the newly fallen snow will help you to preserve it. Gather all you can and do not be greedy, warn those close to you and implore them to do the same.  
  As for me, I will be working to fix everything. First, to reclaim the Pranzies, the capital of Dregar, that has been taking siege by Blood’s warlord Broegar. After that, I do not know, but I will work towards ridding the world of darkness and restoring the light.      
  I wish you well, and I wish you love.    
   I know you are all of Vorax , and I wish for him to give you strength, but in regards to my own faith I would wish for Ilsare’s loving eyes to watch over you always and guide each of your hearts strong and true like arrows.    
 

        With love,            Rhynnala

[LynnJuniper]

I sit in my room , Home, not at Ael’s house…as I write this. I could not bare it any longer. I had to go check up on my family. I gave them a couple boxes worth of food that I harvested from the Rilara area on the trek from Karthy to Home.
   
A grim realization hit me recently, even after Ozymandias’ words of “survival of the fittest” and “learn what grows without the light”. He was teaching us how to survive in “These dark times [that may] last a decade to a century” Even with his words, even with agreeing to them, along with his one rule (If you have the power to do something, and no one can stop you, than you can do it if you so wish) I didn’t realize..

I am human…At least, I am almost certain I am completely human. It is yet to be determined if Elven or Aasimar blood courses through my veins, but for now I assume I am human. That means I will only live another forty years at best rounding up. What I’m trying to say is…

I may never see day break again…

Never see the morning sky..

Never see a sunrise, or a sun set for that matter…

I can’t think about it…Can’t be made to think that the only color I’ll see in the sky is the menacing figures of chromatic dragons….

I must make the world better, provide for the next generation. My children will be the ones to see the light break free once more….

I helped a small group back in Lorindor recently with a Spider and Demon problem. Seems when I am in a group the game is: Ignore Rhynn.

I’m used to it by now, but I will no longer stand for it. If you wish to ignore me so be it, I will ignore you as well. You will get no help from me, even if you remain on the brink of death. You underestimate me, and I’ll purposely overestimate your chances of survival without my help.

That being said, I have close to no idea why the demons invaded the caves near Lorindor. Everyone speaking very fast in Elven….

Even If I have been reading, and can read Elven up to speed now, I still have a LOT of problems understanding when everyone is speaking fluently and quickly at the same time. I can pick up bits and pieces. Something about an expensive piece of metal, and a Drow hiding beneath the ocean (?) , and A demon that did not like the Drow that the one we were talking to was working for.

Other than that I understood nothing, and no one bothered to explain. Once again, I do not care….


Something is drawing closer to me, I can feel the pull again, stronger here than ever. I must walk around with See invisibility and Legend Lore cast while I am here. I feel his eyes…I hear his voice as I sleep…


I must leave my Home again…And once again I cannot tell them of the being that plagues me.

[LynnJuniper]

Closure, Journal, is an odd thing. I’ve never had it before. But Closure makes everything better, especially when it is done on good terms. With my previous “relationships” if they can be called that, there was no closure, just fighting, running away, and falling out. Calm , collected, closure. Feels good.

Let me explain. I pulled Kiva aside a few days after he kissed me and told him what I had heard. AnnaLee said he had been spreading rumors of me being “Madly in love or in lust” with him, and then went off with some woman. I asked him about it, and he said it was a lie. I asked him about us, and he said ultimately I would have to work the hard way to get him to open up to me, said it wasn’t going to be easy…said I didn’t stand a chance. Then he went off to flirt with Tegan.

   I have to admit, I was once again hurt, defeated. I had once again put myself in a stupid situation. But unlike the other times, this time I did not seek to kill. Not at first. I sought to find closure. So Just now, just before I sat down to write this, I pulled him aside once more. I told him that I could not be made to stress over opening him up to me. That in the long run it would only put a strain on myself, and would not be good for me. I did not want to say it would not be worth it, because I did not want to hurt his feelings, but that is what I thought. He seemed relieved at what I said, and said as much. He said I needed someone warmer than he could ever be to me. I told him I wished to remain his friend, and he agreed to that. We would be best off as friends, and I know he would seek to help me when things get bad, and that I would do the same to him. Besides, I think I’m actually more loyal as a friend than I could ever be as a lover.

   That being said, I discovered something else. I will not scribe too much on it now because it is still so fresh in my mind, I want to let my mind calm down lest I’ll be drawing more scribbles into my journal and that never describes much to anything other than me. Suffice to say , the stupid paladins are the smartest amongst us and were right all along.

   I have been teaching Little Nyyana the best I can. While she has Storold to teach her magical theory, it is my hope to bring her out onto the field and do for her what Freldo did for me so long ago. I wish to teach her tactics. When and where to run, when to strike, and what to strike with. How to protect herself on a battlefield. I will further her advances in magic, but also talk her along with me on journeys for field experience. I do not think of her as an apprentice, I am not yet skilled enough to take one on for myself, but I do look to her as a friend who I am willing to teach all I know. We also discovered together, through learning some basic spells, that she indeed does have a focus for necromancy, surprisingly enough, and therefore the divination scroll I tried to give her, sadly, burned little Nyyana’s hands. I bandaged them up as best I could and Storold took care of the rest when he got back.

   Speaking of apprentices, I am at a fork in my road. A Three way fork. I am still extremely Loyal to Mith, and will return to being his apprentice the moment he will have me again. However, Lia wishes to set me up with one: Rufus Coldfinger, and yet I met another: Tathnolu, a former apprentice of Rufus that would take me on as his own as well. I must think hard on this situation. I think my first step would be to meet with Rufus, whom I have never spoken too, then decide which of the two I would get along with better, and continue my advancement in Necromancy from there.

“Walk in the Darkness but be not of it” I tread a dangerous path that I would not bring Nyyana on to follow but it is the path I chose to walk….

[LynnJuniper]

Hmm…Bullet Notes again…    

 

• Barion can prove to be a very good friend and a very good listener. And I will listen to what he has to say, because he feel comfortable speaking to me and I to him. After all, it was I who got Sa’kura to speak to him again.    
• Tathnolu strikes me as a nice person who has seemed to loose his sense of self. He has been performing so to speak, to please those around him, if its only to get them to shut up. He outright told me this, and then told me the story of Lia’s dark past. I think he truly wishes that I chose him as my mentor. He said I am starting to gain his trust and for that I am grateful. Still, I want to give Rufus enough respect to meet him and see if I like him before making a decision  
• Kiva seems to think I am going down a fool’s road with Anna and warned me against making her problems my own, even if I cared enough to do so. He called her a liar, and all but proved his own words to me, and even suggested that I fight her in the arena so she’d “Back off”. Annalee has never done any wrong to me before this…thing happened. Kiva said she called me Mith’s Mistress. And That pains me. Why say you forgive me if you do not? I told her I would have accepted her anger. What she did now is one thousand times worse.  
• Had a talk with Ozy after he decided to tell me a story of a calm and peaceful place that he seems to think I should find. I asked him why I always went for people I could not have, or for people that would be an utter disaster for me..Mith, Kiva, Him…. He said basically. “Freldo and you were not meant to be, but it was not a disaster. Mith and Kiva were total disasters but you have long held my eye. We would have fallen apart after time but we would have still remained close.” … At the risk of facing Fiery wrath: What The Nine Blexing Hells!? Wow….
• Nyyana needs to learn to be independent before I can teach her, she is young and that time will come, I will continue teaching her some basic forms of magic, but before I can get her enough experience she must become independent. No…Other people must believe she is independent. It is not my fault she died, and she does NOT need anyone to protect her.      

[LynnJuniper]

Where did I leave off? Well lets see, I talked to Nyyana whoseemed very sad that no one wanted to treat her as an adult and stop protecting her. I did. That is all I wanted in the first place. I told her right out: If I could do anything short of putting my own life in danger to save hers’ I would. But If The only foreseeable way of saving her would be to throw myself in front of the enemy then I would not. I did not try to solve her problems with Storold or Abigail, I only sought to fix the ’mess’ I had made for myself. My problem and mine alone…. I also told her that she could not be expected to do the same for me…And then I realized who I sounded like.
   
   And that’s when I threw myself into the lake for cleansing the first time.

I found Anna, who confirmed what I had already known about her calling me Mith’s Mistress. Then she went into the whole “you can never understand bit”. I told her at that point the truth: I didn’t really care to understand. It was her problem, it was her mess , and it was causing me torment, torment that I could have , at any time easily escaped from. So I did. She said “Ill talk to you when you’re less antagonistic” and that was it. I told her  “You have my ears now, you will not have them again.” She said no more, so the time of me trying to solve her problems is over. She told me I wasn’t sounding like myself…and then I realized who I sounded like

   And that’s when I threw myself into the lake for cleansing the second time.

I spent some time talking to Ael, and he told me the story about how he fought and overcame a temple of Da’Cuz to save a drowses that was as a mother to him. He told me this story after I told him about heavily considering taking Tathnolu for my new mentor. He told me Tathnolu most likely worshiped Da’Cuz , and that Ael would be putting himself in danger if he told me any of his plans. I do NOT want to put this friend of mine in danger, so I will keep our connection hidden. On the way to Pranzies with Nyyana and Ael, Tathnolu ran into me in his invisible form. I warned Ael and instead of  making it known where Ael lived  , and that I was connected through him, I rushed Nyyana to the portal in the Arcane Towers, and met up with him in Pranzies instead.

I know that sometimes I have not been sounding like myself, but Kiva’s advice to me (Deal with your own messes, solve your own problems and no one elses) Has REALLY taken a lot off of my conscience. I found myself not worrying about the little things that used to drive me insane. Nothing brings me much worry anymore. If I make a problem, I solve the problem I make and no more. It truly is a simpler way to live than what I have been doing.  


----

Working on retrieving some items for a man named Corius. A group met in Saudiria to chase down
Epheris but found themselves back in Hampshire. We ultimately found out that Corius is NOT working to gather the demon items for an exhibit (duh?) , and that the woman whom we think Epheris  was deceived by is working with him. Now we must work against all three of them. Corius said we must find Epheris’ weakness. I came up with the idea that his weakness may be his greed, since when he captured me on a previous journey and I promised to work with him he said: Do not touch the boots , do not even look at them! They are mine!

   Brisbane said I should work naively. They will use the connection I have with him to lure him in, but they will not even tell ME where the boots really are . A wise choice in the long run. Better if I really don’t know, that way it doesn’t give him a chance to see through any lie I may have to conjure.

[LynnJuniper]

*in an angry sprawl*
 
  Abigail Killed herself. Hung herself from a tree in the Seilwood for the spiders to have their way with her. Barion found the body. Brought it back to the Raven Trading Company. Will bring it to Karthy's Temple.
 
  Nyyana's gone brain numb. I'm Just Angry.