Time draws nigh and perhaps this is an activity in futility. If Blood succeeds in his quest for conquest and destruction then these notes will be of no purpose. I only write them now because I feel the need to speak of things that should be said before such a time. I know that whatever happens, should good win or evil triumph ultimately balance will be restored. It is the nature of the Universe to bring things into balance. It is the essence of things you see…the essence of everything in its core structure is perfect balance. The universe is vast and often it takes time for balance to be achieved, but come it will.
Putting quill to paper is difficult I find…I prefer the tools I use by day they feel comfortable to me, words and writing do not. I am first and foremost a servant of Dorand and then a Hammer of the Priceless Gem. I serve the way, the path set by the great crafter. I have learnt over the years that it is not the creation that is important but the path taken to achieve it.
I see some young Dorandites who look to the prize of what they strive to form and forget to look at the steps taken to get there…had they looked they would have understood the purpose and path that Dorand sets before us. It is a measured journey, if you rush the forge and do not temper the steel of a sword then you achieve something that is inherently flawed. There is no depth to the strength of the steel and it will fail the weilder at some point in its life. It may fail them on the first blow struck as the blade shatters or on the third or forth but at some point it will fail and if may take the weilders life with it when it does.
Dorand teaches us to be one with the path, to temper our souls with purpose, determination, patience and ultimately perfection. A perfect blade is a swordsman’s blessing, their life depends on it. Our lives depend on following that path and knowing that should we reach the end of it and are still flawed…Dorand will recognise that and return us to the forge to be re-forged once more, tempered and set to task.
I do not have regrets of life, I made my choices, I live by my promise to serve Dorand. I aid acolytes on the path where I can, I serve Earth in a way I cannot put into words in case eyes find this journal but the Baron knows my secret of which I am glad that I do not have to share the burden of knowledge alone.
I may not be what people call outgoing, witty, charming and the like but I am dependable, solid and forthright. I have been called many names over the years, from surly to churlish, uptight and many more and I have tried to change my ways for them. The biggest influences in my life apart from Dorand has been my friend Gabrielle, the Baron, Hammer Michaels who brought me to Dorand, Aquel whom I will talk about another time, Stone of whom I am learning about slowly and the new acolyte Geddrin who I feel looks to me in much the same way I felt about Hammer Michaels so many years ago as a mentor and tutor.
Gabrielle has stood by me over the years, I have tried to tell her of the ways of Dorand but her friend has her firmly entrenched in the duties of Rofireinites. It’s a shame..for a Rofireinite she would make a great crafter. In fact she makes some very impressive weapons and armour…amongst the best I have seen around actually. She is almost the complete opposite of me, popular, fun, friendly and the object of many men’s desires. I have lost track of how many times men have asked me to pass messages to her on their behalf. That whole world is foreign to me, I know I am attractive…I have been told so before. But most don’t see it beneath my often dirty dishevelled appearance from my work. I do not seek companionship and yet I would not turn is aside should it come to me.
I have only ever loved one man before and it took me a long time to realise that it could never be. That someone such as him could never see me as worthy of standing by his side. He was so handsome, beloved of Toran, so honourable, so dependable and reliable. I admired that in him. A childish fantasy I see it for what it was now. Lue built me up, she gave me strength and confidence to do what I had hidden I stood before him, I had tried so hard, I dressed as other women dress, prepared myself and he looked past me. It was then I realised what a fool I was, what a stupid, stupid fool. I remember that day. I fled back to my home in Leilon, tore the dress up and thew it into the fire. I cried myself to sleep in the chair before the fire. It was where Gabby found me when she returned the next morning. After that I went back to my work and thought no more of futile love. Then I heard the rumours and tales of his fall and my heart leapt in sadness for what he had lost and weeks later I saw him again. I spoke with him and truly I realised I was nothing in his eyes. I was surprised that I still felt for him..but that feeling now is dead within me. If loves come again it will be have to be with equal measure between myself and the other and it will have to find me. I am too busy to go swooning about like an Ilsaranite seeking love under every unturned stone.
The Baron or Tak as he bid me call him once. Is not like anything I ever imagined, in him I see the true faith of Dorand, the true measure of the path and yet he is a man like many others. He enjoys life as much as the next man…it is through him I see that I do also need to take time for pleasure. I respect and admire him more than anyone else. He is the True hammer of our faith in this world.
Aquel, my friend and confidant for some time taught me much about life and freedom. I do miss her constant presence now, although she could be a distraction at times which was annoying but in hindsight I see that is was all part of the path. Something to overcome and move forward from. She taught me how to swim, how to laugh once more. I loved her like the sister I never had.
Hammer Michaels sadly passed away last year. I read about it in the Dorandite missives. I knew he had retired to Lar there to live out the remainder of his days. I only saw him once in the last few years. A fact that I have come to realise hurts me more than of him passing. He led me to this life, he warned me of straying too deeply into the path for just as a sword if not tempered properly will break, a sword that is overworked can break just as easily. Balance is essential in any work. I hear his words now in my head and I pray to Dorand that he resides in his crafting halls. It saddens me to think I learn the wisdom of his words now when he has passed.
The dwarven acolyte, now Hammer, Geddrin has put himself under my tutelage. He has shown great aptitude for the works of Dorand. I am trying to reveal to him the nature of the path but he is impatient at times and more concerned with producing the work than the path to achieve it. He reminds me much of myself when I first came into the faith of Dorand. It will come with time I am sure. For now I am finding that I enjoy telling him about Dorand and discussing the nature of creation and the path. He has approached me about teaching acolytes on a regular basis, or at least talking to fellow beginning crafters to help them enrich their daily routines with words of Dorand. I hesitate to commit to this, it will take me away from my work…but then I remember the words of Hammer Michaels and I think perhaps it is good for me this social aspect of the path. I will make a decision soon.
As yet the one thing I still have trouble with, and I blame my father for this, is animals. Some have tried to cure me of my fear of them but I still feel unease in their presence. Even more so since the wemic creature I met in Port Hampshire threatened to set his panther on me the other day. I was furious, I repeatedly warned him to back away and to him it was a game…like I was prey to be toyed with.
But now the shadows grow long outside and I have spent the last hour of light in my room writing a journal of memories that may be wiped away should Blood succeed. The only solace I have is in knowing that whether we win or lose in the end balance will be restored.
