Excerpts from the journal of Arkolio de'Averlain

[Pseudonym]

Following are excerpts from the journal of Arkolio de’Averlain;

Arrived in the township of Hlint with Charlotte today - it’s a strange
place. Seems some sort of way-station for all sorts of adventuring folk.
Within an hour I had met a greater range of races, nationalities and
professions than all my previous years! Charlotte was as wide-eyed as me I
think although she did her best to act worldly and cosmopolitan. The whole
place, whilst really not much bigger than a hamlet, contains more sights and
wonders than I had previously dreamed possible.

Being new to town and short of funds I asked about the place where someone
like myself, handy with a blade, might find some employment. Well, the job
offers rolled in! Recovering stolen tax records, collecting goblin ears,
delivering mail and finding an array of pelts for a fur trader to name a
few. Seems easy money - my favourite kind!

[Pseudonym]

I met a fellow by the name of Tempartiar Gayle earlier today heading into
the Hlint cemetery. I had briefly considered relieving him of his money
purse but there was something in his stance, some confidence and assuredness
that made me hesitate. Anyway, he must have noticed me noticing and we got
to chatting. He was headed down into the crypts under the cemetery searching
for skeleton knuckles of all things! He invited me to join him - I was
reluctant at first but after his assurances that it would be ‘worth my
while’ I decided to go along. It was great and I’m very glad I did.
Tempartiar or ‘Temp’ as he asked to be called wasn’t such a bad sort for a
priest - nothing like my brother Haugrim. He had a sense of humour and
didn’t try and sell his religion to me the whole time. All in all a decent
fellow. He even laughed when I explained my theory on the gods - that they
were all a bunch of old seniles carrying out cosmic jests on us mortals to
relieve the boredom of their dotage. Somewhat different to my brother who
would quickly become enraged when I touted my theories in public. Temp even
let me keep all the gold we found down in the crypts - saying these
creatures had departed the great cycle and had no need for material wealth.
Whatever. I was several hundred gold coins the richer after our little
excursion - he could keep the knuckles!

[Pseudonym]

Today I received a mission from a little half-man named Ronar to fetch a
goblin chieftan’s head to him. Didn’t seem like such a hard ask - several
times I have ventured into the lands east of Hlint and hunted the goblin
scum that seem to infest the place without a problem. As I traveled the
short distance to the caves where the goblin chief was reputed to reside I
met up with a ranger by the name of Roy Ainsworth who had also received a
charter to kill the goblin chief. He too was a recent arrival in Hlint. What
a disaster! Immediately after we entered we were beset on all sides by
goblins, these much fiercer than the ones we had encountered previously.
Fighting our way deeper into the caves I was forced to use my entire stock
of healing potions that I had bought from a priestess in Hlint. After
sharing the tenth and last (expensive) potion with my new acquaintance we
decided we were outmatched by the goblin scum and decided discretion was the
better part of valour and we retreated - our tails between our legs. 500
gold coins worth of potions the poorer Roy and I parted ways. Hmmmmm.

[Pseudonym]

This afternoon I was wandering around Hlint with my sister Charlotte and we
encountered a paladin (paladins, self righteous, high and mighty, bast .
.mumble, mumble) by the name of Tarradon something-or-other searching for
companions to accompany him on some mission involving rooting out a nest of
bandits. I figured bandits = gold, and I convinced Charlotte to come along
too. Also joining us were a cute lass named Myrr and my high maintenance
ranger friend Roy from a few days ago. I cannot remember exactly where we
travelled over the course of the next few days - it was a blur. Through
forests, mountains, deserts and swamps we wandered high and low. Tarradon
the golden and mighty paladin might have been searching for bandits but,
whatever - the gold we found was great! That was my only concern. If only
shining-light, my-way-or-else holy warrior knew I was but one step removed
from the bandits he was hunting . . .

[Pseudonym]

Today I tried to make myself a batch  of arrows. I had picked up some falcon
feathers and some hickory sticks and thought how hard can it be? By the
senile gods - what a trial! I resolve from this point on to never begrudge
the merchant who asks for his three gold coins in exchange for 99 arrows!

[Pseudonym]

Met up with a group today gathered around the  local inn at Hlint who were
headed for a place called Haven mines. There were about eight of us altogether
and although the place sounded dangerous I figured I could just hang out
near the back of the group out of harm’s way. I seem to have developed quite
the knack for firing arrows into melee when my foe is least expecting it and
catching them in particularly vital spots. It’s a bit sneaky but effective!
I remember the names of Beli Tenker, Gelden, Finola (and her bear!), two fellows by the
name of Erik plus a couple of others accompanied me into the mines. Never
had I expected that many ogres to exist in the whole wide world let alone in
one place! We battled our way deeper and deeper into the mines eventually
confronting a chieftan that seemed to be running the place. A mighty battle
ensued and although our group was eventually victorious, three of my new
companions fell in in the chaos of combat. Sad. Sadder still was the lack of
opportunity to loot their corpses. It was the first time I have learnt about
the interesting workings of life, death and the void between in these lands
of Layonara.

[Pseudonym]

Haugrim, Charlotte and I met a young - well young by elven standards anyway - priestess by the neame of Serissa a couple of weeks ago. She wanted an escort to her home of Pranzis and Haugrim was keen to visit anyway and see firsthand the damage supposedly sustained in the city. Charlotte and I decided to tag along, having little better to do. I had spent most of my accumulated funds in the last couple of days . . . I really can’t remember where it all went. All I remember through the haze is lots of alcohol, scantily clad women of loose morals , dancing on the bar, more ale and wine, more women and . . . where did all the money go?

Anyway, the journey to Pranzis was pleasant enough. We encountered little trouble, nothing that the four of us could not handle. Haugrim insisted we rout every group of bandits we encountered including a dangerous group of bird-men that crossed our path. We set sail to Pranzis, via Fort Himlad where I still had some mail to deliver for Postmaster Vale, and found the city in smoking ruins. The temple to Rofirien still stood, albeit somewhat worse for wear, and it was there we met two colourful characters in whose company we were to spend the next couple of weeks. Barion, a warrior and Rakay, a half-orc barbarian. I especially like Rakan, a simple enough fellow but with a good sense of humour and a direct and simple approach to life that I understood and to which I could relate. The chasm between our relative intellects was not a barrier for a newly formed friendship. We spent the next couple of weeks battling various tribes of nasties including ogres and giants. I personally have no trouble with either race . . . the loot was great!

[Pseudonym]

I finally completed the task set for me by Mage Dalton of Fort Llast. He had been onto me for weeks trying to get some Will-o-Wisp essence for who-knows-what reason. I'd been putting it off - mainly due to laziness - but made my way out there yesterday with a bard by the name of Karn I had met a week or so earlier. We had to fight a few lizardmen in the swamps but retrieved the essence without too much bother.

More importantly, for the last few days I find myself in a state of . . . flusteredness? to which I am very unaccustomed. I have never had too much trouble attracting the attention of the fairer sex. I'll be the first to admit there are many men getting about out there that are better looking than my good self, however I've never lacked a female companion when the desire to have one struck me. Simple farm girls were always easily impressed with the 'bad-boy' image I had perfected. Town ladies, bored wit hthe lack of attention paid by their merchant husbands were no more difficult to woo. It has always been just a matter of finding the right bait for the hook.

A week ago I met a woman by the name of Muireann, a priestess *sigh*. However, she was as different to my boorish clerical brother as black is to white, or more appropriately, white to black. Fiesty, funny, a whirlwind in battle, men tripping over themselves to obey her every whim, she is gorgeous beyond mere words . . . suffice to say, I had a new target for my rakish charms! I decided on the brash, confident, never-do-well persona which had worked effectively numerous times on priestesses in the past. Any joy? Nothing! Every witticism I summoned she bested. Every lewd comment I made was either thrown back in my face or worse, it was made obvious she was far from tempted. I found myself thinking about her firstly at odd times during the day. I was almost opened from sternum to groin by a sword-wielding orc in the woods when I found myself day-dreaming about Miss Muireann! Then the thoughts were upon me at night as well. I had lured a barmaid at the Wild Surge inn back to my room there and was in the process of . . . well, in the process and bam . . . there's the face of this woman floating in my minds eye again! I ended up ushering the confused barmaid out of the room and spent the rest of the night formulating ideas to win this priestess - this vision of beauty - to my bed.

Yesterday, my opportunity presented itself. I had decided to accompany Muireann and Eghaas Treebringer for a short trip to a lake Muir knew for a bit of a dip. During the walk there, as had become standard practice during the last week, Muireann was having fun at my expense and letting me know how very far I was from wooing her when I had an inspiration! I had a new plan. I had been going about this the wrong way the whole time. She had seen her fill of arrogant adventurers and over-confident rogues . . . the way to get this woman into my bed was going to be through a totally different tact. I quickly decided what Muireann really wanted - at a subconcious level at any rate - was an innocent. I think she has become so jaded from her own . . .waywardness in the past that interaction with an 'innocent' would open up that part of her heart that had left such innocence behind years ago. I think she remembers her own innocence lost many years ago and longs to connect with it again. It was perfect. All I had to do was convince her my brashness of the past week was really only a clumsy mask for my innocent, glossy-clean inner-self and she would lap it up . . . and it worked a charm.

Within 5 minutes, I had her convinced that my behaviour from the last week was some kind of 'macho' shield I had erected to hide my real self behind. She swallowed it all up! The clumsier and more boyish I got with my advances and flatteries, the closer she got to me. Within an hour Eghaas had been dismissed - her thinking his brush-off was her idea no less - and we were alone. We spent the rest of the day together, me gradually - not so quickly that she became suspicious - opening up my 'real' self to her. I would have bet any amount of gold that she would have been warming my bed that night . . .

Ii is at this point that I found myself a little flustered and confused. At the end of a brilliant day with a beautiful woman swimming in a perfect lake setting, I suddenly found myself not wanting to . . . wham, bam, thank-you maam . . . as had been my intent. Had my deception become so involved and convoluted that I had started to convince myself that I wanted more than just sleeping with this woman? At the end of our day together Muireann told me that she didn't want to rush our burgeoning relationship, and I found myself nodding in agreement!!!

What am I doing!?!?

[Pseudonym]

Next day . . . another day spent thinking about Muireann . . . this is not good. I think I might have to hit the road for a little while, clear my head and get my sense of perspective back . . .

[Pseudonym]

Another day of confusion. I had decided to keep clear of Muireann for a couple of days in order to get my head straight for the continuation of the grand seduction, however, of course who should I run into by the pond in Hlint, but the woman herself. She saw me before I had a chance to make myself scarce. It’s funny, one moment I was minding my own business, walking down the main street in Hlint - founding member and current President of the hedonistic, selfish, womanising, Arkolio de’Averlain Appreciation Society and the next . . . blushing, bumbling idiot - fawning all over her. That would be fine, a bit of fawning was going to be part of my seduction plan . . . only problem, I wasn’t acting.

She mesmerises, hypnotizes, enchants me. Is it an enchantment? Have I been the subject of some sort of charm? I followed her to her temple in Leilon like a little puppy -panting at her heels. At one point on the road to Leilon we were attacked by the biggest wild boar I have ever seen. Arkolio a month ago would have been running for all he was worth in the opposite direction - an approach to combat that has held me in good stead my entire life. Did I do that this time? No, I threw my self between Muireann and the beast like the lovestruck fool I fear I am becoming. I was lucky to survive this rash of nobilty/stupidity.

We eventually arrived at the temple of Mist in Leilon . . . what a sight. Muireann is the perfect mortal representative of this Goddess. Fiery, chaotic, temperamental, beautiful, powerful . . . she, and her Goddess, are all these things. I found myself enjoying being at the centre of this tempest with Muireann at my side. I have never had much time for any of the Gods but this was . . . dare I admit, exciting. Thrilling. Momentous. Every one of my senses was alive and throbbing both with the power of the Goddess in the air and the presence of Muir next to me. It is getting harder and harder to remind myself that it is my goal to bed this woman and then be on my way. Arkolio de’Averlain wasn’t made for love. It is not my thing. Love leads to pain. What am I going to do? I’m going to go and find a nice, plump, docile farmer’s daughter or wife that doesn’t challenge me, or my idea of me, in the slightest way.

I wonder what Muireann will be doing tomorrow? I saw some flowers as we headed into Leilon by the side of the road that she might like . . . NO. No flower picking. That’s not me. Drinking, whoring, debauchery. That’s me. That’s right.

[Pseudonym]

A little bit of 'normality' . . . Haugrim had some business that he needed a hand with. Turns out he needed some help dealing with some ogres outside of Krandor. It was a bit of mindless killing . . . just what I needed. I saw Muir earlier today but we chatted only briefly before I had to meet up with Haugrim. She looked lovely.

Lovely?
When did Arkolio de'Averlain start using words like lovely?
When did Arkolio de'Averlain start referring to himself in the third person?
Arkolio de'Averlain is going to have a lie down now.

[Pseudonym]

I grow weary of starting each journal entry with “Another day of confusion . . .”
Is it love with Muir?
Do I desire her body or her heart?
Am I deceiving her into believing I feel love when it is only lust, or, am I deceiving myself into believing I feel lust when it is really love?
What a tangled web I have woven . . .

I left her today after her declaration that she does not love me.
So?
What do I care?
Onto the next maiden. Charade over. Great. Good.
I can stop wasting my time. Fare well. See you later. Whatever.

I had a wander through the red light caverns near Hlint with Karn after leaving Muir. I enjoy the bard’s sense of humour and irreverent approach to this mortal coil that is a mirror to my own. I fear I was not as stimulating and amusing a travelling companion myself however . . . my thoughts were still in turmoil. The goblins which I had routed some weeks ago had slunk back into the cavern complex and clearing them out again was a welcome diversion. Karn and I met a young half-ogre (?) or half-something down in the caves by the name of Hoss. He proved to be of limited intellectual discourse and amusement to Karn and myself but was undeniably useful cannon fodder for goblin archer attack as I collected the spoils of his kills! I love newcomers to Hlint, they have no idea how much gold some creatures carry and I can normally skim at least double my rightful share from any looting in a dungeon foray!

From the goblin caves we wandered around the Sielwood Forest for a bit, fighting the various nasties that tend to lurk in the vicinity. My heart really wasn’t in it however. Her face was constantly before me. Every minute in the forest was a minute I could instead have been by her side . . .

Seeking further distraction, I parted company with Karn and Hoss and wandered over to the township of Krandor. I knew Muir was in Hlint and I was wanting to avoid her . . . I didn’t need the aggravation. I was loitering near the crypts - sometimes grieving relatives will leave coins or trinkets at a loved one’s grave site - when I encountered a woman who introduced herself as Dalvenus. Seemed okay, my sister would have liked her. Dalvenuw was taller than I, muscular, clad in plate armour and wielding a maul that looked heavier than me too! She explained that she was heading into the crypts to retrieve some ashes for a local boy in Krandor. Whatever. It was unlikely that I was going to bump into Muir down there so I came along.

Lesson in humility. What we encountered in the Krandor Crypts was unlike anything I had ever seen in my venturings into the cemetery in Hlint.  Ghouls,’Burning Men’, Skeleton Chieftans that threw fireballs and acid storms like archmages! My knack of firing arrows into an opponent’s vulnerable parts availed me little. The undead we encountered seemed immune to my ‘special’ way of attacking. We eventually retrieved the ashes for the Krandor boy, more through luck and good fortune in battle than by skill and strategy. Whatever . . . I found more than 2,000 gold coins in the crypts! Hooray! - a fortune by anyone’s standards for a couple of hours ‘work’ . . . Hooray! . . . why then, don’t I feel happy?

Muireann . . . .

[Pseudonym]

. . . . Muireann

Well, it’s happened. I’ve finally bedded her. Had my way. It . . .she . . . was amazing. She truly is like the Goddess she serves, Wild, tempestuous, unquenchable. It was like nothing I had experienced in my times with countless other girls and women before. The world ceased to exist outside the space of our entwined bodies. For the first time in my life, a foe could have snuck upon me unawares and I would have been blissfully ignorant. But, it is done. Time to hit the road again, no strings attached. See ya later. Nothing more to be done here . . .

Great theory.

One little problem. I have fallen in love. For real.

Last night, for the first time, as I held Muir in my arms, the words I whispered in her ear were not calculated and planned. They were not spoken with an agenda. These words of love were also words of truth.

How do I feel?

One, elated beyond any joy I have known before. I feel like singing at the top of my voice and shouting my happiness to the heavens. Raise the senile Gods from their slumber with the echoes of  my laughter.

Two, I still feel confusion. Now that I have won my 'prize' I feel a . . . guilt? . . . that it was obtained through such cunning planning and manipulation. I feel as if I have sullied something that should be so clean and pure and shining. Guilt from Arkolio the remorseless?

What is becoming of me? This morning I passed on the chance to a trip to Haven mines, always a profitable venture for the . . . possibilty . . . not even the likely probability . . . of spending more time with Muireann. A woman over adventure and gold for Arkolio the Carefree?

Also, for the first time in my life, I have offered a prayer to the Gods. As I lay in Muir’s arms, I invoked a silent prayer of thanks to the Goddess Mist for the opportunity to share a place in the heart of one of her priestesses. A prayer to a Goddess!!?! A prayer from Arkolio the Agnostic?

With whom can I share these concern? My friends, Roy, Eric, Karn? I fear they would make a joke of my feelings and worries. My brother? Not likely. Asking a priest of Rofirien for his views on my relationship with a priestess of Mist? Hmmmm.

Why do I so fear these effects of love?

To be completely honest, for the entirety of my life there has been little love and concern for anyone else other than myself.
Is this selfishness a habit I have to break, or is it . . . the real me?

[Pseudonym]

Earlier today I ventured into the goblin infested red light caverns near Hlint. It was the first time I had been back since I was part of the group that slew the goblin leader weeks ago and the first time solo. My foray was without notable incident, my skills have improved enough over the last few months to the point that the goblin warriors that I encountered posed little problem . . . up until I found myself on the lowest level suddenly surrounded by about twenty of the little savages! It was the first time in weeks that I thought to myself - uh oh - in over my head here. I eventually escaped . . . half a dozen healing potions and one (very expensive) stoneskin gem later. There wasn’t even much gold to be found as compensation, maybe a couple of hundred coins at most and I would have had to spend at least that to replace my healing potions.

Perhaps the most valuable thing I took out of the caverns this venture was a lesson . . . I am a . . . capable warrior at best. Where I truly shine is as a support to other fighters. Does this ‘limitation’ bother me? Not really. What’s the appeal about standing in the front line of a battle going toe to toe with someone or something that desires nothing more than seeing you splattered on the end of it’s club? I have confirmed I am more than comfortable up near the back of the party - out of harms way - firing my arrows into the melee. Let the brave (and stupid) paladin have the glory and the bard’s songs - i’ll be content with the gold . . . and the girl.

Speaking of which, saw Muireann in town after my little adventure. Again, one thing lead to another and before too long we couldn’t get out of Hlint quick enough and as soon as we were in a secluded spot we were all over each other. This time we coupled on top of a windswept mountain near Haven . . . why she prefers these exotic locations I don’t know. I don’t feel the need to ask such questions! I don’t question my fortune. Perhaps it has something to do with her devotion to Mist? Whatever!

[Pseudonym]

I had to run an errand for package master Freya today . . . package master? Seems a somewhat grandiose title for a pretty mundane sort of job in my opinion! Anyway, I headed off to Fort Hope with a delivery for somebody named Larry. Muir came along for the trip which passed without notable incident. A bit of a shame really, she sure is something to watch in the heat of battle. Almost as thrilling as watching her in the heat of the bedroom . . . note the usage of the word ‘almost’. As my mother used to say, it’s a little-big word!

Spent the night with Muir again, this time by a waterfall. Was amazing and wonderful although I did wake in the morning feeling as if I had come off second best in a fight with a Malar tiger. The first time she started up with the scratching and the biting I must confess I was a bit taken aback. Now, i’m quite getting into it!

Only other thing of note, while Muir and I were reclining by the waterfall . . . afterwards . . . a man she addressed by the name of Shamur happened by. Was definitely some awkwardness between the two of them. I was tempted to ask about it but refrained. Already I know that nothing raises that girl’s hackles like an insinuation of possessiveness or jealousy on my part. Actually, referring to her as a ‘girl’ does so as well!! Anyway, I left it alone. I had tasted Muir’s fiery nature in a very, very positive way already that day and really didn’t need to be on the receiving end of it’s flip side!

[Pseudonym]

I’ve ruined everything.

Today, I told Muireann the truth. What in the hells was I thinking? I was looking at her . . .I was awash with an immense love . . . I was happily afloat on a sea of warmth and togetherness, then . . . I capsized the ship.

One moment I was looking into Muir’s eyes, the next thing I knew I was telling her of my plan of seduction. If we are . . .if we were to continue to be together, I had got it into my head that I had to be totally honest with her - no matter the consequence.

So I did. I told her that initially it was her body that drew her to me and I only had the intention of bedding her and then being on my way. I told her that I felt jealousy towards other men in her life, both of the past and the present. I told her it was difficult for me to ‘feel’ more love for her than I knew she felt in return for me. I told her of my fears and insecurities regarding her Goddess. I told her it was important, no matter the consequences, that she knew the truth of my ‘wooing’, so that if we were to have a future it was a future that started with a clean slate.

She didn’t take it well.

[Pseudonym]

// Just a post to get me off the rank of goblin welp . . . Goblin welp? Why doesn’t Leanthar just slap me across the face and be done with it!?!! *looks indignant, mutters* Goblin welp indeed . . .

[Pseudonym]

Saw Muir again. It was not a planned encounter, after a sleepless night I decided to go spend some thinking time over by the lake near Blackford Castle . . . the site of our first kiss. Who knows if it was fate but that’s there she was at that time.

I shall try to the best of my ability to recollect the conversation . . .
There she was, never more beautiful to me than right then and there.
Me: May I . . . interrupt?
She nodded, not looking at me.
Me: Muir, all night I have been searching for words to say . . . words of apology, words to explain how I feel . . . searching for justifications for my behaviour . . .
Muir: You owe me nothing
(as if you’re going to let me off that easily)
Me: There are no words that lessen the . . . baseness of my behaviour . . . no words that make my lies to you easier to bear . .
Muir: No
(I wasn’t getting a good feeling at this point)
Me: You deserve a greater apology than I can manage to put into words, yet . . . I say to you I am sorry.
Muir: And your jealousy of Mist?
Me: I am 19 years on this world, I cannot be perfect  . . . but I can promise you I can try.
Muir: Didn't you promise that once already? And yet . . .
Me: Aye, I made a promise . . . I made a promise to an unknown woman who was fair of face and fair of form . . . now I make a promise to the woman I love.
Muir: Do you actually love me?
Me: Yes Muir
(there it was, all out on the line)
Me: Whether it be a love that is destined to be forever one-sided . . .
(let’s hope not)
Muir: You could live with that?
(let’s hope not)
Me: Life without you is not an option, I have been asleep for 19 years Muir . . . with you, I feel as if I have finally awoken . . .
(nice one Ark!)
Muir:  I can't help but wonder how many times words such as these were spoken without truth, I trusted you against my better judgment. I expected you to leave after the first time.
Me: Aye, I betrayed that trust, that was my intent.
Muir: I would have killed you for using me.
Me: And then, then I discovered who the woman was beneath that form. . you Muir.  I set out to woo a nameless woman, one who was nothing to me . . . I was not planning on love.
(It would be simpler without it)
Muir: Yet you told me that is what it was...
Me: Aye, I told that woman whatever I thought she needed to hear
Muir: What do you want from me Ark?
Me: I want to see your smile Muir. I want to hear your laugh. I want to be the reason.
Muir: You did and you were, but it wasn't enough for you...
Me: I want that to be the case . . . with no secrets.
Muir: You questioned me
Me: Aye. I had no right.  I think of you with another man . . . and I think of . . . violence against that man.
(Shamur, Eagle, Kiva, her other suitors, they may be warriors but that was no defence against the crimson smile I would give them as they slumbered unawares)
Muir: There has been no man since you, There easily could have been if I wished it.
Me: Do you not think that is obvious to me with every man that looks at you?
Muir: No, I didn't, I have never really been of interest to men until after I left the Temple. I am not used to it.
Me: Well, you are making up for lost time
(I can’t help myself sometimes, was I trying to get her started?)
Muir: Was that a dig?
Me:  No
(yes)
Muir: Because what I did before you is not of your concern...
Me: You are not accountable to any man, least of all me, for your actions, but . . . These admirers . . . it burns me to see them look at you with the same look that I once had . . . It is not fun to watch . .
Muir: Should I hide myself? Scar myself? Would that help?
Me: No Muir, it is not your problem. It is mine.
(Could you wear a veil, that might help?)
Muir: And you, when you flirt. Do you not think it bothers me? Or are you the only one who matters
Me: Muir, there is only you.
Muir: So you say...Yet you flirted with Akki without even asking me how I faired that day. Or did you think I failed to notice that?  Karn tried to gently point out to you what you'd done...
(Thanks Karn! If I were attracted to other men maybe I’d notice such things too!)
Muir: Will that happen often Ark?
Me: Akki? I honestly would not be able to point her out in a crowd . . .
(She was naked in the Mist temple when I last saw her. I have no recollection of her face...)
Muir: Don't lie to me
Me: It is truth, There is only you Muir.
Muir: I'm sure you have an excellent memory for womens faces!
Me: I truthfully cannot even remember the conversation with this Akki . . .
Muir: It is second nature to you no doubt . .
(she was sneering)
Me: If it bothers you. you will never have to suffer from it again . .
Muir: I told Jaleel, and half of Hlint we were togther....and it wasn't enough for you.
Me: I cannot be perfect. I can only try to be perfect. Jaleel? I imagine he told the other half anyway . .
Muir: But no, I did not tell Shamur, I had not had chance
(Of course not)
Muir: And yes, he is interested in me
(no kidding)
Me: You never acknowledged me as yur man when I was there . . .
Muir: Nor did you me Ark, I aasumed that is what you wished.
Me:  You do not invite such possessive actions Muir
Muir: Is it possessive to express affection for the one you claim to love, or to at least acknowledge them past a common aquaintance
(ouch)
Me: Muir, speak not like that . . . you know that is not true.
Muir: Maybe
Muir: You didn't act like it
Me: Would you have me beg? I would but I know you would treat such an action with scorn . . . yet I would anyway.
Muir: If, and I say if I trust you again and you lie to me I will flay the flesh from your bones as you still live
Me: You would not ever need to . . .
Muir: Will you trail in my wake? Where ever my goddess sends me? Will you live in her shadow?
Me: Mist's shadow? I am a rogue Muir. I like shadows
Muir: You know if she wished you dead I would kill you don't you?
(stop rubbing it in, i get it. And you’d try to kill me, there’s a difference)
Muir: Even if I did love you
Me: Then let us hope I do not offend her.
Muir: I've been told you will destroy me, even if that isn't your intention
Me: Destroy you? How so?
(Karn again? No, I bet it was from another suitor - completely objective i’m sure!)
Muir: By making me choose, By not accepting I am hers first and always.
Me: I know already how that choice would be made . . . It is part of you Muir . . . I would have you no other way.
She looked at my face then, for the first time in the entire conversation. Ifelt brave enough to reach out and caress her cheek.
Muir: Fine Ark....Have it your way....But this is truly it
Me: I have just spoken words Muir . . . little noises that blow away on your Goddesses wind (nice!) . . . but you will see the truth of what I say in my every action.
She nodded, still silent.
Muir: Maybe in time.....
Me: You will see the truth of my words.
Muir: You know that will take time also....
I brought her hand to my lips then and she returned the gesture. Her lips against my skin felt like heaven.
Me: Muir - I touched the place above her heart - You. In here Muir. You are beautiful in here . . . That is the important thing Muir. What is inside . . . and I will show you what's inside Arkolio de’Averlain.
I kissed her then again, very gently upon her cheek.
Me: Goodbye Muir
Muir: Be safe Ark

[Pseudonym]

I'll see if I can make journal entry without making a refernce to Muir . . . oops, just did. This journal is becoming more about her than me. Funny though, I don't mind a bit.

Met a fellow who went by the title of Pendar the Hooded One in Hlint today. What happened to good old fashioned surnames like Smith and Brown? Anyway, somehow one thing led to another and we were trading insults in the middle of main street! I used a couple of my old favourites. Slurs against his mother, a questionable sexuality and his personal hygiene. He did make it easy, he was wearing robes that looked suspiciously like a dress. Eghaas and Muir (oops, did it again!) dived for cover but the taunts were mostly good natured. After trading insults for a little while a group of us, led by Pendar the Skirt Wearer, went to a small cavern complex not far from Hlint to retrieve some Bodak teeth. Everything went pretty well without too much risk to my handsome self (mostly thanks to Muir's (that's three times now!) wards against the negative energy attacks of the undead that infested the place).

We all made our way out without too much mishap and some 500 gold coins the wealthier to boot. Only other thing to report from today involves she who will not be named (for a fourth time at least) which I will save for another day.

[Pseudonym]

Saw Muir in Hlint today. As was her wont, she was seated in the middle of town talking to a couple of others, Barion, whom I had adventured on Rilara a while ago, included. I snuck up on Muir and blew softly on the back of her neck. It was then that another man, Donnchadh by name I was to learn, threateningly put hands to his sword hilt at my approach. Supposedly Donnchadh was newly arrived in Hlint and was a Mist worshipper himself and now self appointed guardian of Muireann. Whatever. Did she stop Donnchadh and say ‘No, this is Ark whom I told you about’. Did she acknowledge me as any different to the host of other men that constantly clamber for her attention? Did she give me any sign that she held me in any regard?

I think it was maybe Roy Ainsworth who said ‘Never fall in love with a priestess’...

Or Jaleel. No, actually, probably Roy, Jaleel would be more specific and say never fall for a priestess of Mist.

Muir has been telling me for weeks now that she has no place in her heart for love of any man. She has been telling me this in both words and deeds. A few days ago I heard of a fight between Muir and Jaleel, something to do with Jaleel abusing Karn and his preference for members of the same sex. I’m not entirely sure, but anyway, as Jaleel wasn’t around at the time I heard of this confrontation, I wrote a letter to Jaleel warning him to be very careful about with whom he picks his fights.

// Copy below

Later, after I was gone, Jaleel tracked down Muir and wanted to pass on a threat of his own to your truly. Muir said to Jaleel that the letter I wrote had nothing to do with her and if I wanted to go and get myself killed by Jaleel’s blade it was nothing to her. Today as she recounted this confrontation with Jaleel to me I looked in her eyes and saw the truth of her words. Were I to die, it would mean nothing to her.

Only a fool falls in love with a priestess.

Only a ...ed fool.