JenaJades journeys

[solarina]

Ive arrived in hlint to see about my sister , my twin sister Solarina De'Shade. Several folks , some of them her friends thought i was her , so i didnt deny it but went with it. What a better way to learn of her then through those she knows ? I am pleased to discover shes not a twsited soul or had a part in our house's fall.

Ive come clean with her and came forthwith. Perhaps the knowledge I and Morganith Deshade yet live will bring her some  peace. Ive decided to stay around these parts the people are quite nice and ive met plenty of nice dwarfs to talk to as well , though some are dismayed i speak there tonque and that i like dwarfs.

Ive met a rather dashing man , a would be knight , he showed me around the area some and suggested a date to which i appected gracefully of course , as what young lady wouldnt want the attentions of one so charming and strong ? He seems very knowledgeable about the world and this hint of sharing that knowledge excites me !!

I have crafted a special dress for our date and hope it looks ok , as it it only my second one ive ever made , Solarina used to make me wonderfull ones back home when we were young.

Ive decided to take up my warden dutys in the areas surrounding hlint to fort hope and a tad beyond. Also upon talking with local mages ive decided to study my magic a lil bit more , but alas i will never go to far in the ART if ye will. I am much better suited to the ways o the wilds and the woods , but ive been encourgeaged to develope the talent i have a tad more to use as a tool in my life , but to have a great respect for that tool and use it wisely.

I am thankfull for those around me now , they teach me much about life , and i am so nieve yet i will admit.

[solarina]

our date went well. we spent four days almost together traveling some but mostly encamped under the stars talkng about life , the past , our hopes , our values , the future. We are of kindred souls we are. We each have suffered so much loss in our short lifes. Though he is a human I look at him and realize though his life has been short compared to mine , he as all humans grow up quick and live life with fire and zest , more then most elfs ever will to be sure.

We amazingly fell in love ..... I hope he is for real with his claims , time will tell. He is again a kindred soul or so i truely belive. We will wed later on in a few moons time if we both feel the same way in four moons of time. I am somewhat gald dear father is gone for he would be furoius with me for sure , but i am an adult now i think ? and can come to my own hearts content and desires and know them for what they are ?

He worships the lord protector and i like the sound o that. Alot of talk about laws i will have to mull over. I can accept following just moral laws so that part truely fits , and i do serve and protect........... in different ways then he and many of his faith , but i do serve the laws of nature and the wilds and those whom travel through them , as well as i stand for good and the just.

but what if i follow this god and his decrees ask of me to follow a law that gets enacted by an uterly evil tyrant ? and those laws are evil ? Would i have to obey them to keep with the faith ? or would i be just by following the Laws of my heart which dictate that I make a stand for whats good , whats right and whats just ? I will seek these answers out.

I truely wish to be of the same faith as he should we indeed be wed , as if i die not having his faith or him mine , we cannot be together in the afterlife and this thought saddens me much. The tought of us forever seperated for the enternitys of time ? to spend eternity counting the stars and sands awaiting that which i cannot ever have ? Or to make a stand in hte heavens themselfs and fall trying to reach he ? That i cannot abide.

Master baelornis told me as a child that i always was very intent yet carefree what a contradiction but thats what i am. I have a carefree heart at most times but when it comes to that which i hold dear or love , be it a thing , person , animal or ideal , woe to those whom stand in my way to block me from that which is right and true !!

my animal friend grrrr felt at peace with him so that is truely good . Animals are perceptive and grrrr knows my heart , my mind and my soul as grrr is binded unto me as I am unto her.

enough of this journal i have some fancy dresses to craft for the outings yet to be and yet to come with this charming dashing one !! Oh he gave me these special flowers to they only grow but in one place in all the world he says , they are blue , light ble like my formal dress !! how exciting to recieve such a thoughtfull gift !! Id rather get a lovely flower then anything in the world !!!

[solarina]

Seems that serveral of his closest  friends question me greatly. No doubt because i am so lowly compared unto he or possibly my  age or the short time we have known this love. I truely feel they question my worth and valadity........... and now i too question this. The looks , the stares , the off color remarks....... the questions of a condensending nature.......yes there is something to that..........something within me to make them thinketh and act such towards me.

I have written my love a farewell letter of sorts. I will go and quest to prove my love and my worth. Only then when I feel all is right inside will i , if ever step a foot back upon mistone.

my quest ive given myself thusly will take possibly a long time or possibly not much at all , the 2nd and 3rd part o the quest my taketh my life from me , but thats a chance i will take.

The 1st  part o me quest is that of time and reflection. A time for words to be written that evoke emotion and motion. During my time away I shall reflect and look within my own self , into my heart o hearts and my minds eye , to the depths o me very soul and search out , with words true what this is i feel for this nobel human and pen them down. If i am true they shall be rival for that which any bard may ever pen in these matters , the matters o the heart.

The second part of my quest will help me to understand the one that I love and thusly draw me closer in still. That is service. He serves and protects the people. I shall find a place or group or even a lone traveler and offer my services , for no other reason then to protect. Perhaps i will find something in me that i did not know existed.

The thrid part of me quest will be to face fear and face evil , to challenge it. This part i shall not lie I fear will taketh me from this life or that i will fall and fail. Yet even in failing or falling is it not the most important thing that one faced there fear ? that one stood for goodness and all that is just ? Its about making and taking a stand for something ye believe in , without running , without showing the fear coursing through ones veins at the moment of truth. And if falling , how well did one fall ?

I shall Keep in touch via letters from time to time in my absence so he does not forget me , but I have also  released him from his oath to me , for compared to him , I am not much. Even I can tell many of his friends have judged and ive been found......... Lacking. Perhaps we will find each other at the end , perhaps not , He too has a journey ahdead and trails to face , he is to become a knight lord protector , in service to his church. I know he will succeed , he is from what little granted i know of the lord protector , an embodiment of what the belief and church and god stand for.

I have enchanted a special rose for him , one that will never die and one that casts forth a glow forever , to light the darkest of times and nights and show the way true. If we have met our last , at least he will have that to remember me by , and may that light help and comfort him , for that is the light within this silly girls heart.

[solarina]

Ive completed the 1st leg o me quest , to pen into words true and deeply that o which i feel in word o motion and emotion true. From my tavels this last week in the world , facing my fears and doubts ive grown stronger yet , and still stronger in that which i feel within me for my love. Hopefully whenst he see's these lines o the seven scrolls ive scribed he will be happy and his spirits will soar. Now that ive put these feelings and thoughts into beautifull words , words that  i truely needed to be absent from him to empart onto words and ink , none can question me ever again on that which i feel. Ive searched my heart and found it not lacking , but full and true , wide and deeper then that which i had thought possible. Who knew ? I sure didnt know the depths of it myself untill these last seven , cold , lonely forlorn nights , with nothing to guide me but the emptyness of being away and the heart ache my choice wrought upon me , the seeds that grew and took hold within me , or were they always there and i just needed times o troubling heart and soul and challenge to see ?

I should thank this last soul who set me off like a wild fire accross a verdant forest true , this dear friend of barions whom so questioned my feelings and my love for another , even my self worth in a way , for without that unsaid challenge , I wouldnt have embarked on this journey this quest to face my fears , and to truely explore that which I am and that which i may yet be.

[solarina]

Ive completed the second leg o my journey and me quest. , the quest ive put upon myself of servitude and protection. I ofered my bow , Lamention as it is known , and me blade , woe as it is known , to several on there travels and journeys , so that they mayeth reach there destinations safely and out of harms sway. I had thought to face a few more challegnes , more dangerous then not , but deep within me , now that ive completed the 1st leg o me journey , yearn for this journeys end to return to my beloved , if he is still waiting for me , and will have this simple woman child as his own. I understand if he will refuse me , for compared to those who follow and travel with him and call him as a friend , i must be nothing , else why all the looks of surprise like "" with you ""  as one person put it plainly to me.

Perhaps on the third leg of my journey and quest i shall find the answers i seek , and none can say that i too am not brave with curage , un afraid to face my fears , and in so doing I will fully understand the depths of this mans sacrifices to the world , for duty and for service that he has made , that the soul mother heth vistited him oft.

I look up too these friends of his and to him himself. If i could be that inside which he is i so would be. I will be content with the knowledge ive been gaining as o late.

Ive learned what it is to serve and to protect , which he does often , he lives his life by those two things.

Also upon my travels , By a campire at sundown another traveler , a merchant i think spoke of a corpse rotting and a flag of the lord protector clenched in its hands. That didnt sit well with me for the Lord protector is to one day be my god , and is the god my beloved follows true. I set out to retrive this flag , it was near bandits. I had to set myself up right , just right to win , I set a few gas traps up i had found after surverying the  land. While not something any knight would probaly ever do , I had to think clearly and realize my limitations. I laid caltrops down and hid them under grass o so carefully , just past the gass traps , to impead there movements. I set up a a chain of arrows along the path i knew i would take in my battle plan. Luckily for me this fallen one must have taken out some of the bandits for only three were they in number. I only had to deal with three. finaly  with my plan set and my battlefield one of my choosing , i set forth , i waited untill nightfall , and crept up forwards using my skills of a ranger to be silent and an invisablity spell to aide my approach. I climded upwards a little bit o higher ground to give my shot an advantage in the lower light conditions as only the moon did glow that eve , and the light o the fire. after holding my breathsteady for what seemed like an enternity , I let lose the arrow true , striking one in the leg , wounding him thusly.

The bandits gave a fierce shout and grabed weapons they had almost seemingly at ready. I made sure to be quite noisey and loud whislt pretending to have fled from fear o there warcrys and shouts. ran I did but not in fear , but in keen sense flowing and knowing i had a plan true. Off did they proceed to chase me through and through. finaly they hit the traps they went off , doing there deeds. still i ran stoping but for a moment to snatch up an arrow i had planted tip down in the ground ever so lightly , so as to allow myself an easy grab o the arrow , and would fire my bow , lamentation after only a breif pause , then onwards to run forth to the next arrow. the clatrops were next and they also did there work , now my pursuers only numbered two , perhaps one o me arrows found its mark true , i did not care at the time , for the chase was upon me . the first pursuer was only lightly wounded by an arrow which grazed him but did not lodge or strike true , only the effects of the gas and the caltrops slowed this one down. He would be my second mark , my first twould be , i thought , glanceing back at the second bandit greatly wounded yet still on the chase , would be easy pickings for Lamentation. Yet suddenly i felt a fierce pain and looked to my dismay to see a bolt lodged into my chest , and felt a strange burning sensation coursing through my blood , then a began to feel a little weak almost at once , knowing that i was struck with a vile poisen , a quickly reached my final standing point using every bit of faith and determination not to fail within me , and somehow i did make it to my vantage point , quickly i took two arrows , one clenched within my teeth , another locked and at ready in me bow. the two came then , and i let go my arrow , it flew true and found its mark , in the wounded ones neck. He droped with a gurgling noise that still haunts me to this day. There was no joy in that killing at all. My second arrow quickly drawn i fired , the man only had a sword and was some distance away from me , i had the upper hand of time and distance.

Needless to say i prevailed. It saddened me afterwards as i colapsed to the ground , staring at these two corpses , whom had died by mine own hands. I never had before questioned the deaths of those i had fought such as goblins or orcs. Now however , i realized these men too were people. We met in battle , one that only one or the other could walk away from. Even knowing i was in the right didnt make me feel better. It just made me sad that it had to be this way.

I recovered the fallen flag , gingerly cleaned it in a near by river bed ,cleaning it as best i could , and reflecting hard and true. I knew then what it ment truely to serve. That one must do that which is heavy to the heart , not for joy or for richs , or  for fame or even vengence or malice. But becuase , we have to take a stand for that which is just and right and true. Yet in doing so comes a respect . a respect for the hard choices one must at time make for the greater good , and beleive it or not a respect in some manner for those ye face in battle , a respect not for that which they stand , or the goals or ideals in which they faced ye to begin with , nay , not that , but for this reason..........

Ye killed that  which once was alive , and now is no more. Theres a responsabilty in that. I didnt intend to come here to learn this , it just happened. Now i truely know what barion means when he says he takes no joy in battle or killing.

Ps: now i know why my bow was named "" lamentation , it mean to lament the things one has done , which would mean if ye lament something , ye took no joy in doing so. My sword , named woe , by its crafter that is much the same meaning to me , woe to those ye fight , and woe to ye even if ye win , yeve still lost something.

Now I face the final leg of my quest. To face evil and vileness without total  fear and to taste my own death. My beloved has tasted this many times and seen the soul mother many a times as well. He is brave as are his people , his friends. To fully understand this and in some small way bridge another gap , I too must taste this sour fruit. Yet if i prevail so mote it be , but i shall endevor to pick a fight thats hard and true and has some meaning to it , not senseless and wastefull , for if death shall find me , and i feel it will , I want it to mean something , to have happened for some reason beyond just death itself. yes for a cause.

[solarina]

I was traveling through the lands o dregar alone, seeking my next challenge ,when i was bset upon by gaints. I bravely stood my ground and did make slight progress on one but alas i quickly fell , one can only take so many blows from all directions. I after a time awoke to find myself at the bindstone in Hlint. I had an Idea a few people may try to stop me so i made all due haste to quickly exit the town. I seen praylor approaching and another and so i droped a darkness globe upon myself and hid. Being so new to that magic spell i didnt realize the globe would not move with me , so i quickly had to retreat to the globe whenst i realized such. I did escape unseen i think.  Remembering that my canteens had leeked and my food was low , I took a decidedly gambled risk to procure some from the local inn. I had just made my purchases when Lex'or confronted me within the Inn. I tryed to say I was solarina , butsomehow he quickly saw through that ruse. I truely felt like but a child , caught witrh her hand within the candy jar. A part of me felt bad for leaving with such haste , but the rest of me was dead set in my ill concocted plan. He confronted me about my choices and laid some uneasy questions to me , which i quickly rebuffed as i was dead set. After exchanging some words I matter of factly told him i would brooke no interference with my plans. He stated he would follow me at my side on my travels then. With eyes alit with inner rage , a rage at myself more so then him , and a rage at what i precieved myself to be , i matter of factly told him I would draw my blades to defend my free will. He was taken aback some , and i used this moment to quickly exit the inn nad make all haste for the gates of town. I saw him exit but a moments later on my tail. I exited twon , but needed to rest a small short while to refresh my spells as my time of contemplation over my death had passed , I had a good plan , id rest and cast invisabilty after droping a globe of darkness , and make my escape from sir lex'or.  Things didnt alas work out that way. He again asked what i was about and i drew my blades in rage and fustration. He replyed not with drawing his own waepons or with any reproach , but quickly cast some insidious magiks , whick locked my mucles in place , i could not move. I felt powerless and weak , much like that time when my house fell and Master baelornis bid me and a few other young ones to hide while they gathered the defenses.......... I felt not in control of myself or my destiney , I felt defeated and crushed and robbed. At that moment i truely hated him , and given the chance i would have easily have taken his life........... Which is so UNLIKE ME !! I am not evil like that !!! it is against all that i stand for or have ever stood for. What maddness could i be suffering from to make me go to these lengths What had i become in these moments ? Did i lose myself along the way ?  We exchanged word whilst i twas locked in these bonds , somehow i was able to still speak , by my normaly pleasant sounding voice was not as it normaly is , not because of any emtion running through me but more so perhaps the magiks affecting me. He Said he had to do this out of his respect for life and out of his deep friendship to barion. O how that one word shook me. Barion , whom i had left for on this journey and hadnt seen in more then two weeks. Some small pangs of guilt did creep into me then , How would I feel if he took off from me for so long ? how i lingered and yearned for , o well some things are best left unwritten. Lex'or then flagged down a bird and sent it away after scribing a note. I grew extreamly nervous then knowing who the bird was going to. I was not looking forward to what was to come. I had not comnpleted my journey and i was not looking forward to explaining myself or possibly seeing a look of hurt within his eyes at what i had done , but yet needed to do !!  Along he came , Tenderly he spoke my name and did my heart jump , how could one do such a thing , make ones heart jump with but one word ? I asked lexor to be free'd of this spell and he agreed should i agree not to flee or use magiks to escape. I agreed , knowing i would not or could not run from this man before me , one named barion , whos name is written upon my heart. He asked simply why with tears welling in he eyes. I explained myself and we talked for sometime. He understood why i thought what i had thought and why i felt as i had felt. He explained unto me it matters not what another thinks of him , me or us , but what is right and what is real and true.  He stated he knew one of my fears which was seeing him fall a final time. Yes i had thought deeply of this from the moment i knew i loved he , as well as during my travels. I quickly spoke up with a fire in my eyes and my voice that should and when that time comes I would confront the soul mother herself for his return . It was apparent to all there that i ment everyword i said. I told him We will share the same faith so that we may share the same heaven , the same afterlife. And if i should fail confronting the soul mother so be it , I would join him in the here after , for to lose so precious a gem , for to lose part of oneself would be more then i could bear. I know in my heart he will be gone long before i would ever perish from this world.
  He told me he himself didnt feel whole untill i came along. We shared a sweet kiss then.  I too was empty much inside having lost so much in so short a life. He too has felt losses such as my own. I do recall erk perhaps it was saying barion did look rather glum in many mnay months till i did so cometh along. Together we bring each other comfort and companionship and understanding... amoung other things again left best unsaid.
   
  He appreciated what i had done , but forbid me from taking off in such a matter ever again. I readily agreed , for this journey was more then my heart could bear , truely. Also seeing the indvertant pain i caused this man i loved , hurt me inside as much as what i had done hurt him. Strange how we can feel one anothers hurts inside. Perhaps this is how love is , I wouldnt know never having been in love such as this before.
   
  We spent a lovely long night together , celebrating mine return and our reunion. we have begun plans for our wedding. He wants something grand , but truely i told him id rather go simple , with a wedding thats free of cost save for the foods and drinks , and of course the wedding outfits for the wedding party. We could always wed in hlints courthouse and possibly have our feast in the inn. What better anyway ? I mean those who celebrate a lil hard do not have far to go for a room and bed !

[solarina]

Today I was asked to go forth to adventure and train in me skills o the bow and the art , christine asked if i would accompany them , Lex'or was there , and I later learned a women named hanna , Daniel potter was there and tryed to apologize for some remarks thrown my way in red light caverns , the very remarks that led me to question......everything from barion , to myself , to my feelings , to my past and what i had done.... to me all were inter-twined as one. I primly responded to him the i was not willing to discuss anything as i was in a " meditational battle ready state "" , of course this was purely a out-right lie , but i have no desire to speak to this man , not now nor ever realy.

The journey was nice as i learned how to reach the broken frest on my own and learned more of the lay of the land and the animal and beasts which are there along the way. Later on when we reached the broken forest all turned to dire striaghts and utter foolishness. Lex'or , cleric of Aeridin , stated something i think about engaging something in the forest , i was a bit behind so missed the first part of whatever conversation took place. To this the group as a whole stated no , so i thoght truely the matter settled but did state i owed him and would follow him if indeed he would do this. I however did not know he was in fact truely set on this action was was in fact in a but moments time going to do such. Thats when all turned to chaos. He brought some manner of beast or vile thing , i am not sure still as i never even saw what killed me , i only saw vines sprout from the very ground and rip and rendor at my flesh , shredding my armour as it didnt even exist. I quickly died and met with the soul mother. This saddened me yet also made me glad in a strange way as i now knew more about life through my own death.

I saw the soul mother and we ddnt exchange any words. merely l;ooked upon each other. I feel perhaps she knows if my barion dies i will confront her somehow , someway. Perhaps even though she took some o mine own soul to keep as her own , there was a respect involved ? After a very very short time my shostly form appeared in hlint. I made all haste back to the broken forest. None stated in the group that it was dangerous still even at the forests edge , so i went forth to recover my grave , and as soon as i steped foot upon the forest edge i was slain yet again !! My first death had some dignity , some meaning as i tryed my best to protect the others , but this death was senseless and empty. It also tore at my inner being ripping away from me life essense having died so quickly before even reflecting at my grave i still had. Thankfully i saw not the soul mother that death. Again i appeared in hlint in ghostly form.

After yet again making all due haste and diligence to the broken forest , i waited to enter to recover my grave. Zergon , my friend gave me all manner of magik protections , from stone skins to spells to make me harder to even rend my armours. As a final touch he gave me invisabilty. Surely this was enough.

Yet that wasnt to be. Our party was in total chaos. No organization at t'all. I was told it was safe to enter and retrive my grave and did so , at the bidding of zergon. Qantum or Q as he is called took it to enter the forest ahead of me and i did not know this , and he had no invisabiltys upon him. He was fighting whenst i entered the forest but his fighting caused the vines to release attacks the spread out over the entire area , breaking my invisabilty. I quickly died a painfull death. I was bleeding to death and only thought of saddness as i knew i couldnt escape the vines and that my ;life was top end in another empty death , and that i would risk losing another part o me soul to the soul mother. I died thinking of my barion , and how robbed i felt. I died angry at Lex'or and at Q for not stating what he was doing before he did it , both there actions cost me deep. More so then most would know. Withing so short a time , i had died not once , not twice but three times. I saw the soul mother yet again and she mocked me as i went to the void then back unto hlint.

I abandoned the group. I shall never again travel with Lex'or. In my eyes he doesnt even live up to his gods will. His actions in the forest that day arent in accord with his faith at all. If one can so easily do deeded against what there faith preachs , and they are a servent o there god , how reliable are they when yer life depends on it ? I learned from someone there fist tenant is "" reserve and protect life "" , Yet he trough fools act cost us not only his own but all of us lives. I also Feel he didnt live up to another tenant o the faith ""  Do not harm or kill others except in the most dire of circumstances. "" his foolishness harmed and killed others. None of us to a one expected him to actualy do it. but it was done at great cost.

Now i have a shorter life to live . I feel robbed of time. O i wanted to meet the soul mother once. But not twice in so short a time. I have heard of my loves losses and wish not to put him through another death of a loved one , Yet i am truely scared now , frightned realy that this will be . How fragile i must be to have visted her so soon in so short a time.

This lesson has tought me to travel not with fools. If i wish to be in the company of fools on a journey i shall hire a jestor to entertain our party when we set up campire for rest and comfort. I will not brook such again. While i consider Lex'or to be a friend , and hold no ill will against him , I too would become a fool to ever follow in his steps again adventuring.

My love found me sitting , reflecting in hlint. We traveled together to the broken forest to recover my grave. and did so without incident or challenge. My brave barion * smiles as she pens the line * He grew very angery it seems and went to fight some to work out his anger. It scared me some to see him such. It shocked me some , not at what he did ,but just seeing that anger, I hope he never gives that look to me for anything i shall ever do. I wasnt mad at the fact he slew some vile monsters , for they were evil at the core and vile true and true. He seemed sad after. I pointed out that those beasts were just that , vile and evil. No sooner did i state that when we were beset upon by a large pack of them , us who were merely on a bridge trying to have a moment together , we werent doing anything to warrent such an act against us. It proved me right , that they are a curse to the world and need be slain. Before my journeys I would have been happy to do so. Now i find no joy in it , but realize it is duty and a job to be done. I do enjoy however a worthy challenge i must say. When one of my arrows strike a spot on an oppantant that i aimed carefully for , i grow excited.

We decided after to share some private time at a special place my love was going to share with me.We needed private time together........alone. So off we were on the road to fort last , about to go to the place the skys are red , and where it rains much ... I was happy hearing it rains much there for as a child i loved to play in the rains and just let my body get soaked within it. to feel its cold rivlets of water run down my nakedness ,singing and dancing and in general having merryment , is how i spent many a day as a child.

Thats when it happened. Lex'or again. Seemed he felt the "" need "" to make amends or something i realy do not know . I was angry he was even there. I wanted him to go away and fast. Not because at what had happened or my deaths .... no..........But because he was taking up our time.....Our moment , me and my loves. We were going to try to have child under the red skys perhaps ( but my love proably didnt know this was one of my inner intents ! ) , But here he was melodramtic as ever. My love tryed talking reason but he wouldnt get it into his head at all... so thick skulled is this human. It just made me more angry and i do not anger easyily at all. I can think of few times ever in my life being angry. This was my first time getting angry at anyone in these lands realy. Funny i wasnt angry at him getting us killed , O i was upset , but not angry. But here he was """ stealing "" me and my loves private time we had made for one another , and o did my ire come forth.I hid it well , for he knows not.

Finaly he left us and i said a silent prayer to Rofirein in thanks , thanks for protecting us from our ears hearing anymore senselessness and that we were now free to have our "" moment "". What a wonderfull moment we did share to. Much to my delight and amusement my love is easily goaded and teased albeit playfully so. Needless to say I had fun "" tormenting "" my love in my own playfull lil ways.

I told him after we ate some that i felt the need to begin training again , but that I would first finish the things in town i set out to do , such as making fine outfits to wear . I wont have his "" lady "" running about town in armour or poorly dresses or being seen in the same cloths day after day , so ive invested most of my funds into making cloths and buyig fabric dyes. I never wa srealy into womenly things before. I took more to my training and the woods and my learning of the art ot ever realy be bothered with it overly much. Barions brought out that instinct in me , those urges. And i have no complaints !!!

I shall leave this journal alone now and prepare my new outfits , gather some supplys , maybe perhaps begin to gather some sands for my love as a gift to. We also need to plan our wedding out , i grow anxious to hear a date set so i can better prepare. I so dislike the uncertinty of not having a date set.

[solarina]

I have finaly begun my triaining again. My feeling and the things they inspired kept me in and around hlint way to much. O i had thing to do however, Such as making many cloths , dresses , skirts and outfits. I didnt want to appear poorly dresses to me love or his people , so i went to work making an extensive wardrobe. My love was kind enough to place some armories around the haven house for me to store all my pretty cloths. I spent close to two months working on these.

My sister i fear will do something rash. Having found the news in her recent past along with her memorys of the past. She wanders hlint empty looking and forlorn. How long she will keepeth like this i know not. I fear for the worse. Strange how i found so much happiness and she in turn found so much saddness.

I Have begun trade skills under Barions teachings. Truely am surpised the time he would spend with me , teaching and nrightening me world yes. I have taken up tinkering and smithing. I also plan to tailor and do alchemy.

I went on a few journeys and travel for my martial training in the bow and the art the other day. With a group ive never met no less , save for one gentlemen with a strangest manner o speaking , he goes by the name o karn , and he is a bard. I shall have to ask the honor of him being one o the wedding entertianers , as i found his sea scurvy songs tantalizing to say the least. I feel not at all in the heaven mines i am happy to say !! once i came head to heaad with an orge and i did very well , taking few wounds , not even needing agic wards to keep me alive. After wards we went into grey Peak mountins to help the horse lady. I came close to falling thrice there but common sense and strategy allowed me to survive where others would have fallen in my shoes.

[solarina]

Wedding plans Journal:

I will leave parts of this page and update accordingly.

chef & Cook : Arynne , a loacal women in hlint has agreed to be our chef. I paid her 2000 gold coin in advance.

Wedding date : set !!

Inviations : cant do those yet as the goof hasnt set the date yet.

Brewer: Rain Darus i think he calls himself said he would brew but i need to find grapes by some xeenite temple thing. It seems i will need many as we will most likely have many guests.

wedding band -  done

entertainments : am thinking of getting one bard by the name o karn. Will look for a second bard as well.

Wedding dress: o my havent done thats !!!!

wedding party : o my havent done thats either !!

[solarina]

We Have begun to fight , perhaps things arent quit right. Fights over stupid things too realy. I feel like cattle tonight , not an equal. He said he doesnt want to do some things a with me for three weeks because i continued to work while sick. Sickness can only make one stronger , and to give into weakness is to accept that one is indeed week.
 
  I fled the house after hearing him say "" not for three weeks , and if  ye nag me i shall seek out ye causin "" that hurt much. I ran off to the mines to work out my sadness and grief in combat. I love my causin but we had a snap in the past over Flarinious Rumblecrush in my youth. Those words he spoke stung me heart much. Ive worked hard trying to make nice things to  sell to spice up the home in heaven to make it a true home and not a warehouse of things.
   
  Well during these three weeks he may search out morgana then if that is his wish. I wont stop he. Yet i will not allow myself to be around this , nor will i be around whenst i am not being treated as an equal. I look now to his sleeping form and i woner what goes on in that daft head o his. I wonder what places and adventure the next three weeks will bring.
   
  Least ive finished the house work and i do think it looks quite nice , furniture moved here and there , it looks cozy even. I alwats hated the indoors and now this place has grown on me. O well tiss under the stars for me fer the next few weeks it seems. I must reconcile these feelings stired within me the only way i know how , through me blade and bow becoming one with meself. Something about that state , of mind and being , empty yet full , its a time when an epifhany  may strike true bringing one a closer understanding towards ones goal.
   
  ( she lays the quill down next to the ink and journal on the purple linin table next to the bedroom door packs her rucksack and departs. one corner of the page has been torn off )

[solarina]

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[solarina]

Tpday i attended the wedding of sir Quantum and serissa , twas a beautifull wedding to be sure. a priestess of toran and rofirein did the cermony. All this gave me a sense of peace about my upcoming wedding to my love barion. We have the date set adn have begun disscussing where to hold it.

I attended the Knighthood trials of those who would become knights. All my teaching about rofirein and the laws and duty starting hitting me hard then , seeing such devotion in these men and women and the words that were being spoken also hit me deeply.

When my House fell I thought there to be no justice in the world , and it led me to chaos , a feeling that with no true justice only choas , the choosing of ones own laws or codes , or anarchy was the only true way to keep what you have and find happiness. I know now there are those who stand for justice and the laws of the peoples.

After the cermony i sought out reus , and spoke to him in the temple about becoming a member o the church and for swearing my anarchistic ways.  Perhaps someday I too will serve the chrch in some way. I have sworn to follow rofirein now. Tis my 2nd vow since meeting my love , the other being to seek the soul mother should he perish before his time is yet done up this world.

Master reus bid me to attend next week to be welcomed into the church and i cannot wait to begin my new path in life.

I was proud of barion this day , he held himself up well. Regaurdless of what happens , I know in mine own heart he is my knight true.

[solarina]

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[solarina]

twins have been borne Barion JR and and a girl , Trinity. Solarina has agreed to watch over the wee ones now that the children are a few months old and a wet nurse has been hired as well. Ive stayed around the house not leaving much but today i ventured to town and for once didnt meet hostile and volitile people filled with hate and menace. I ran into my good friend Lex'or it was good to see him again , though i was confused as to not see he dressed in his fine armours. We will discuss the wedding plans me and barion soon. I had put it off due to the pregnancy , after all who wants to honeymoon pregnant or have a wedding reception where they cannot partake in the wine and merryment ? I do however think not many will show to the wedding.