Author Topic: The Pages of My Mind (Clovers Journal) (Read 1453 times)

Mooneyes · « **on:** January 16, 2007, 10:15:33 AM »

I made it to Hlint! It is just what grandmother said it would be. She was right when she said many adventurers find their way here. With the few coins grandmother gave me I went to the local general store and purchased a few necessities that have come in quite handy. One being a skinning knife. I am so glad I got it while I had the money. It didn't take long for me to find some odd jobs in and around Hlint. Johan the fur trader has offered me a temporary job in getting pelts for him. When I'm not getting pelts I am running around trying to locate lost items for some local folk. These odd jobs have put a small amount of gold in my purse and for that I am thankful.

I am still working on my art. There is a place in Valensk that has an arena that I go and practice in. Thank goodness I haven't hurt anyone yet with my lack of control. But with each passing day I become more focused and determined to use my ability for that which it was given me.

Grandmother would be proud of me!

List of names of whome Clover has met.
Clarissa
Drexia
Az-Ptol (who is he...I felt as though he was TOO nice for some reason)
Mylindra

Mooneyes · « **Reply #1 on:** February 09, 2007, 09:56:27 AM »

Gathering, Gathering and more Gathering! That seems to be all I do these days. The odd jobs I have been able to do are getting fewer and fewer and it looks like I might have to venture out on my own soon. The coin in my purse is not going keep me going much longer. Maybe I can find a local adventuring group that can use the little skills I have while I mature in my art.

I stumbled on a group that was trying to solve a murder mystery. Clarissa was part of the group and I met a fellow by the name of Lex'or. Blue hair! Never have I seen such a thing. He was kinda cute though and another one who was cute was ths fellow named Conner. He seemed to have a "take charge" attitude about him. *smiles* Oh and I need to remember that ale and such are too strong for me. I can't handle them...I must of looked like a ninny at the inn ....grandmother would not approve or would she? After all I came from a family of adventurers!

Mooneyes · « **Reply #2 on:** April 13, 2007, 07:05:24 PM »

Will love ever find me? True contentment? I dream of romance, a man to love,a home to care for. Is that too much too soon? *sighs* I have become close to one gentleman and he has made his intentions known to me. And although he is a wonderful man my thoughts are of another whom may not even ever know.

With all that said ....I have come to enjoy my art that has been gifted to all women of my family. Grandmother I believe is smiling even now as she watches me work through the weave. Each day I discover more and more about the responsibilities that come with have that much control at my fingertips. *chews on her bottom lip* Maybe I should forget about this Romance and dreaming and find a purpose or a higher calling for my life. At least a distraction. Tomorrow I will begin to study the weave more and how I might be able to serve our lands with it.
Goodnight grandmother....rest in peace.

Mooneyes · « **Reply #3 on:** April 23, 2007, 12:39:52 AM »

No more Gathering for a while! I'm tired of it. Tomorrow I will go and practice making potions and then it is off to find adventure. It is high time I start to go about discovering and doing what I was ment to do. *hums to herself while she thinks of all the possibilities*
No more distractions...........

............................................I hope..............

Mooneyes · « **Reply #4 on:** April 27, 2007, 12:49:41 AM »

Dear Grandmother,

I went on an adventure the other day. Just like I said I would. A new chapter in my life begins. This group and I found this man named Lewis who was starving to death in the inn. Apparantly everyone else had left town and he refused to leave. Connor believes he is under some kind of spell that won't let him leave. That may be true. Anyway's I was able to get him to eat a bit of food and take some drink. The poor man. Something is horribly wrong with him. Storold, another fellow who was with us was able to get in contact with a cleric of Lucinda. She came and said that she could help this man named Lewis. She, Treanna and Storold put the man to bed while the rest of us discussed what to do next. Somehow this event ties into other events and we are trying to put it all together. Connor and Storold seem to have a good handle on the the sequence of events and I hope to be able to aid them as much as I can.

This is all so new to me grandmother. I know I am capable of many things but I have no one to teach me how to use my gift properly. I need to find someone who would be willing to take me on as an understudy. I'll have to do some asking around. I also need to practice my faith more. Seeing the Cleric reminded me of lack of faithfulness.

Well anyways after Lewis was settled we took off to find this bard. Grandmother...he played such sad music....as soon as I heard him I was in the depths of despair. Everything was wrong with me.....I had no hope. He seemed to have this affect on many in the group for there were others who would not be here today had Connor not stopped him from playing his music.
This bard named Marlin had a lute that was unique and as he played it a spell that filled us with hoplessness come upon us. Grandmother I shared things that only I dare to write in this journal. I am so embarrassed. I am grateful that Connor was able to stop him....who knows what I may have done had he continued to play. Storold was sent to get help and I wonder how that went. After the spell was broken..my throat was dry and my eyes swollen from crying so much that I had to leave the group and get a room at the inn. I was totally depleted. I hope Connor manages to keep him from playing his lute until help arrives. But for some reason and I have said this before he has a take charge attitude about him that leave me feeling that everything will be okay. I'm sure I'll feel better in the morning. *wipes her eyes dry* I miss you grandmother.....

Mooneyes · « **Reply #5 on:** November 02, 2007, 02:41:53 PM »

My dear grandmother, it has been awhile since I last wrote of my feelings. I thought to never pen anything ever again but I find myself once again confused. Poor Marlin is dead. He leaves a grieving love behind and a mystery as to how he died. WE buried him proper and Natalia got to say her goodbyes before Lewis took her home. Mr. Storold took off again. The mark on the arm of one of the "childern". And this Lucindite Priestess Sam? She talks in riddles grandmother! There is more to her than meets the eyes and it seems that it's going to take a bit of talking to get it out of her. Connor and Clarissa seem to have a good head about them. I'm sure they will, with the help of us all, find out who murdered poor Marlin. ....

Grandmother, I am surrounded by people...some of who I might even call friends. But I feel desperately alone. Oh grandmother.....if only I could be a little girl again and have you with me.

*drops her pen to the table and closes the book to take a short walk before the sun sets*

Mooneyes · « **Reply #6 on:** March 08, 2008, 11:30:17 AM »

*Pulling her journal from the bottom of the trunk she opens it to read the last few entries*

"So much has changed, she says, as she flips through the pages. Maybe it is time to start being a woman and not just a girl."

*she closes the book and hugs it against her chest, then slowly walks to the window and looks out with a smile on her face*

Mooneyes · « **Reply #7 on:** December 18, 2010, 08:48:35 AM »

*walking through the streets of Center looking at all the shops she finds the inn. Paying the innkeeper she carry's her things to her room and sets them on the floor before standing in front of the window looking out at the town*

Mooneyes · « **Reply #8 on:** January 04, 2011, 05:52:35 PM »

*several years previous*

Grandmother I am here. I abandoned all that I thought was dear to me and went home to run the farm and to be close to your presence. I do miss you and I find that at least once a day I sit under the tree in the back yard to visit you. I know you want me to be strong and for now I am stronger with being back at home. Once thing that would bother you greatly should you still be here with me is the fact that I left my love Storold. He had so many plans for our future together and even made moves to build a new house. We pulled all of our resources together to make our future secure and to start a fresh new life. One of the reasons that we have not married grandmother was that his wife of many years had disapeared. He wants to know for sure what has happend to her for he would need to either rekindle their relationship or seek for a petition for a divorce. Apparantly she has been gone for many years. I for one would not know how I would react to her being found. Grandmother, there is much more that stands in Storold and my relationship but continually he tells me he loves me. I do believe him and we had such a wonderful relationship. As you can see I have abandon most that has been dear to me. Please do not be angry with me because I need you desperatly. I have vowed to give up my skills as a sorceress and live a life of solitude to the best of my ability. Even love,although I miss Storold, I have vowed to give up. I am content with being a farm girl and take up the gardening and house cleaning. I see few travelers in the area but those I do I am quick to offer a meal and a warm bed to help them on their way. A few times those who do travel through here have brought letters from Storold. I burn them with out reading. It would be too painful to read them so I choose not to. Grandmother I can say it a thousand times over that I miss you. Rest in peace and I will see you tomorrow under the tree.

Mooneyes · « **Reply #9 on:** July 07, 2011, 01:23:43 PM »

**once again she digs her journal out of the bottom of the chest and sifts through pages rereading them, then taking a pen she makes her first journal entry after many years**

Dearest Grandmother,

It's me again. I'm here and finally settled once more. I've removed the tacked up cloth from the windows as well from the furniture. The shelves I have dusted and the floor swept and mopped. Early this morning I took a walk in the woods and found some lovely mums, they are as bright as the sun and now they sit on the table for me to enjoy. Hopfully in the fall I will collect a few seeds and plant them near you under the tree. **smiles at the jar of mums on the table** I guess it is time once again to share what brought me home again. I just can't get it through my thick head that I am not the woman to carry on the family gift of the weave. I'm awkward as always. I traveled to Center to try and carve a new life with society. Grandmother, I saw Storold sitting on the bench in Center. It was difficult in seeing him because it was me who left him. I expected him to have such serious bitterness and perhaps hatred...but he recieved me with a smile and allowed me to sit with him awhile. We talked about the years gone by and the life he now lives. It stirred my heart seeing him and it made me think of the times we shared. One evening we talked way into the night and apparently I fell asleep on his shoulder sitting on the bench. He carried me to the inn to sleep where I had taken a room His children are grown and now on their own. **smiles remembering trying to teach them some of the weave** I did envited him on a picnic and he accepted. We talked of many things until we both ran out of time and had to take care of other matters. It was quite pleasant Oh well grandmother, I havent seen him much at all since then. I often wonder how he is doing but the more I think about it..I'm not so sure I am what he needs. So with that I set off to Dregar for more training in my art. I thought that I was learning things and I was gifted with a hound that comes at my beck and call. I have named him Bastion and he is very protective. So much so that when I was traveling with a group of adventures he unleashed without my control some most dangerous attacks. Many of them men were injured and one most serioiusly named Finn. I left and took Bastion away as quickly as possible. Many days passed and once again we saw Finn. He made it very clear that if Bastion ever attacked him again that he would skin him. What could I say other than I was sorry. So I try not to call him unless I absolutely have to. Since I traveled more in Dregar I found Finn there as well. We started hunting together and became friends of sorts. We talked about life...I share with him about my lack of control and even showed him the scars on my fingers and arm. He tried to encourage me and told me to practice more and more. **smiles** He even offered to be the subject for me to practice on. That was very stupid of him but he never let up. I guess after a spell I started having feeling for him and I think he noticed it at once. We traveled more and more and the attraction was becoming more intense. But I did what I always do..I fled...I came home. Why is it that I won't let anyone close to me. Perhaps I feel like I have nothing to offer...I just can't put my finger on it.
So here I sit at the table writing to you. I'm home. I did something that I thought I should do and that was to send a young man with a letter to deliver to Finn explaining why I left. I owed at least that didn't I? It has been 22 weeks that I have been home. And I do what I always do. I take care of the farm. The goat, chickens and garden. I feed the few travelers that happen by.
**her head raises at the sound of footsteps on the frontporch and sets her pen down to see who is visiting**

Mooneyes · « **Reply #10 on:** July 13, 2011, 02:26:56 PM »

**takes her journal out first thing in the morning after a exhausting twentyfour hours**

**Grandmother, do I have knews for you. Finn showed up at the door yesterday morning. Let me tell you what happend."

**opens the door and her eyes pop open as she see's the one she thought never to see again**

"Finn. What are you doing here? You need to leave right now" I do not want to see you so go awAy".**goes to close the door nervously** Clover. I am here to bring you back. "You can't run away because of the fears that you have. If you make this difficult I will throw you over my shoulder and burn down this farm and take you back". How dare he threaten my farm and be a brute saying that he would man handle me to take me back. I warned him..I made sure I was very clear that he leave. He gave me no choice and all of a sudden my hands began to glow and get hot with magic and I thrust a confusion spell on him and much to my suprise he began to attack me. Confirming my lack of control I ran as he chased me. I circled the house and ran to my open door and closed it tight and pushed myself with all of my weight behind it. Once the spell wore off he came back and started up again telling me all of my feelings were wrong and that I could caste anything on him and still he would not leave. Finn began thrusting himself against the door to break it down but he must have been weak from the spell that I had cast upon him. Grandmother, as I heard him bounce off the door and land with a great thud on the wooden porch I could not help but to smile. So this brute was not as mighty as he thought he was. Still he persisted and we began to talk through the closed door. I must admit grandmother that I have never been pursuded by such a person as Finn has pursude me. He said that he came very close to hurting the messenger that delivered my letter to him explaining why I had left. It leaves me feeling that he is being honest about caring for me. With all of his talking he convinced me to come out in the yard to talk more. We talked for hours until the sun began to set. Grandmother he has convinced me to go back to Mistone so that he can be near me. He has offered to help me and has given be a renewed confidence to try once again. Before the night took over he pulled me close to him and I stiffened.He held me until I began to relax and I layed my head against his chest and I heard his steady strong heart beat against my ear. It was nice and I felt good. In his arms I looked up to him and smiled as he was telling me how happy I was making him by comeing back and then grandmother he gave me the most gentle kiss. It was quick and to be honest I enjoyed it. I did pull away and he seemed fine with that.Grandmother...I havent been kissed since Storold laid his lips against mine. I was tired after talking all day so I told him that I would pack up once more and head back with him in the morning. I offered him a place to sleep in the shed with Bastion. I knew that they did not get along but i was not willing to have him in the house. I gave him some furs to sleep on a basket of cheese, bread and apple juice to eat for his supper. Come morning I packed up my things and fed Finn....he did not look to good. He was scratched and his hair was knotted up. I wonder what happend cause he wouldn't tell me. He said Bastion left during the night and I was not able to call him. Oh well , Bastion always finds me wether I want him to or not. Grandmother, I promise to come and visit often, Finn is aware of that. I love you grandmother, wish me well. See you soon.

**Clover packs her journal away once more and walks out before locking the door. With a smile on her face she heads down the trail next to Finn.**

Mooneyes · « **Reply #11 on:** July 20, 2011, 09:21:23 AM »

**sitting on the bank of Lake Palden Clover begins to write**

Hi Grandmother,

I miss you as always and perhaps in a few months I can come home for a visit to see how things are going. I've been here with Finn training and he is helping me gather some goods for a shop because my purse is rather empty. He has been kind in his help. Through our travels I have been trying to learn more about him but he seems a little cryptic on the subject. I wonder why? One may begin to think that underneath his tough guy exterior lies something even more dangereous. Since our traveling together I have seen him very angry and also a very gentle giant. I'll keep asking questions as long as I feel safe. And I'm not saying that I have ever felt unsafe with him...I'm just not comfortable enough to know what his temperament is.

Grandmother, **smiles** I recieved a letter from Storold! Of all the people in my life I thought never would I ever hear from him again. But I did!!! He spoke at first about our last meeting that ended abruptly and how he wished that he had been able to be more relaxed. But anyway, he said that he possibly had a position for me in group that he is forming. He even called me a powerful sorceress! **giggles* Why does everyone think that? I set fire to barns accidently, I even burn up my own things at times. A few months ago I turned my own party into fighting each other. **shakes her head** I don't know whether I should laugh or cry.

I replied to Storold as quickly as possible to set up a meeting. And We met today grandmother. **closes her eyes and smiles for a brief moment** At first it was awkward as I sat next to him on his bench. Before we even got to the subject of the letter we talked of the old days. I told him about Finn and how he came to be in my life. I don't remember if he asked or I volunteered but I told him I wasn't in love with Finn but that I had affections for him. After talking for hours Storold was able to conclude that I still loved him. Grandmother? You know that to be true. I've only been with one man...I have only loved one man and Storold is he. When he wraped his arms around me and kissed the top of my head I just knew. I knew that there wasn't anything else that mattered right then. It was us. And it felt so right. We held each other as he shared with me his vision in the next stage of this war against the Khul. Although plans are still in the making I look forward to helping in anyway I can. We talked until the sun had set and I had to leave to prepare a reading and writing lesson for Finn. I turned to Storold to say goodbye and when i did...**smiles*** He kissed me. Grandmother, words cannot express how that made me feel. I was as giddy as a teenager on her first outing with her beau. It was so right to be back where I was so long ago. Perhaps this is a new beginning? Perhaps the past doesn't matter anymore? Can we start again? I hope to find out. I left Storold with joy in my heart. He said that he would contact me once he knows more about the details of his new organization and the role I am to play in it. I can't wait.

Talk to you soon grandmother,
I love you

Clover

**closes her journal and then opens a smaller book that has simple letters and small words traced onto the first pages.**

Mooneyes · « **Reply #12 on:** July 20, 2011, 10:00:33 AM »

Finn found a small bottle today with a note attatched. I read it to him.

""To ensure the undying love of your heart's desire, place a quarter of this fluid in a sweet drink and have them consume it."

**with an odd expression** I wonder why someone would put that there? Do you think it was misplaced?

Mooneyes · « **Reply #13 on:** July 20, 2011, 10:25:33 AM »

**some days later**
Finn,

HI, I'm glad I found you. I have something to talk about with you. **bites her lip** That letter I recieved from Storold? Well i met with him. We talked about the contents of the letter and how I might aid him. Finn? We also talked about our past, his and mine. I think there is hope that he and I can restore our relationship. I've always loved him you know. I've never stopped. And to be honest I have had some affection for you. I told him that. But Finn? I have to know, I have to know if Storold and I can have a life together before I can even think about one with you. Please forgive me. But I have to give Storold a chance...I have to give myself a chance with him. Please put me into your past.

*Finn looks at her a moment, seemingly seeping in one barbarian temper, but at the same time pained. He opens his mouth a few times, but no words comes out. Then after a moment he simply says* I don't want ta forget... *looks down* I be already past tha point ta forget

*he looks at her deeply into her eyes* It nay take much sometimes.. and we have spent many days.. if not weeks traveling the lands.. hunting.. talking.. sharing meals. There was enough ta know that fer me, it was worth persuing ya to ya house

Yes you did. No one ever has pursued the way that you did.

I dunna want ta tell ya what ta do, this is yer heart and all. And if ya feel ya need this than.. I can't fight that.. cause it's not one I can win.. but I'm nay forgetting.. ya can't ask me that

**looks down then up again as he continues**

but I can' tkeep ya shackled up either...
I want ya in me life Clover.. and well I'd bloddy sodd of the bugger to a wall tied by his little pinkies but what good would tha do?

I have to go Finn..but come here...lower so I can touch you. **she gives him one last kiss goodbye.**

*He returns the kiss, and looks at her quizzically*

**Clover walks off and takes one last look back to see him**

*as she looks back she can see him drink the potion*

**she runs back** Finn!! Stop!!!

Mooneyes · « **Reply #14 on:** July 20, 2011, 10:31:22 AM »

**a few minutes later**

**Seeing him vomiting she cradles his head in her lap and tries to think of what to do** Finn, that liquid..can you hear me? Something's wrong with it!!

Mooneyes · « **Reply #15 on:** July 22, 2011, 04:49:41 PM »

**setting his head gently down she runs to the lake with a piece of cloth that she was going to use to make a new dress and wets in the cold lake. Running back to Finn she pulls he head gently back onto her lap and begins to wash his face and neck**

" Oh grandmother. What am I to do. This man is so sick but yet he pours his heart out to me. He wants me in his life. He drank this potion because he loves me? He said as much. I feel horrible.What do I do? I told him that I love Storold. Storold has my heart, and has always had it. And then there was Finn. I ran from him like I ran from Storold. But he came after me. My sweet Storold didn't, I knew that his heart was heavy wondering if his wife was dead or alive. And if alive would they still have a marraige. He needed to know and also he was needed in the church. Bless his heart he was doing what he thought was best. I found out later that he did look for me in a sense. Letters upon letters arrived at the farm. But as you know I burned them without opening. I knew that he would be better off without me. So...I hid my love for him in the deepest part of my heart. And here we are. Finn is in my lap, so very sick and I think he loves me. When do I tell him that I am going to Storold? Do I wait till he is healthy? Do I take him to the temple for healing? May Lucinda give me wisdom and strength. This man has been nothing but kind to me and now I will give him another pain. One of the heart and not of the body.

**her hands shaking and her body weary clover continues to wash his face as he goes in and out of consciousness. Listening to his screams when he wakes for small moments...

Mooneyes · « **Reply #16 on:** July 25, 2011, 10:36:32 AM »

A scream awakened me. I sat up quickly from a dreamless sleep rubbing tired and gritty eyes. It felt like I had shut them only seconds ago. It took me a few minutes to remember where I was, slumped over my bags next to Finn. I shot up, my hands reaching for the small bowl of cool water, and once again began bathing Finns face. His screams were coming in waves, in and out of conscience.Durring one of his awaken stages I tried to get him to drink small sips of water from my canteen which most of it dribbled down his chin. He seemed to not know where he was and spoke with glassy eyes my name. Not really knowing I was there. How much longer do stay? My body is tired and my clothes are filthy. It seems like forever since I have had a warm bath, a good meal and soft bed. **sighs* Turning I look down at Finn, sore's forming on his all over his body! I bite down a scream of my own, tasting my own blood. When will this ever end. Remembering the herbs that I had collected to sell I rummage through my bag to find them. Perhaps I can make something to put on the newly formed sores. Pulling out some oats, aloe and comphery I begin to combine them into a paste that I put on his sores. Finn doesn't even flinch. Once he is settled I make my way into town to run a few errands. I also need to send a bird to Storold.

Mooneyes · « **Reply #17 on:** August 01, 2011, 09:36:46 AM »

It was almost dark before I headed back to Finn. I hadn

Mooneyes · « **Reply #18 on:** August 01, 2011, 09:41:10 AM »

It was almost dark before I headed back to Finn. I hadn't spent much time in Hempsted, only to send a bird to Storold and to pick up a few rations. Twice while I was heading back to where Finn was I got this uneasy feeling that something wasnt right. As I got closer to where he was I saw a man leaning up against a rock hands folded across his chest staring down at Finn. I was hidden behind a group of trees watching and listening. The man was wearing a dark cloak that came down to his knees and his hair fell across his forehead and down to his chin. He looked dangerous as he stood there and it looked like Finn's life was in jeopardy. The man was picking through his things as I heard him say that Finn could fetch a good price in Kithairien. Was this man thinking of selling him as a slave or killing him now? Was the man going to put Finn out of his misery? Thank the gods that Finn was out of it for the man managed to heave Finns bulky weight into the back of a wagon. My hands began to glow as anger swept over me. I asked in a whisper for guidance and I stepped out from behind the trees. The man raised his head and I could see a deadly energy on his face. He raced at me before I could shoot off a spell and with everything in me I punched him. He grabbed me by the shoulders as I began fight against him. I don't know if it was fright or anger but my hands exploded into a fiery ball and I unleashed the strongest magic that I had ever done. It blasted into his chest and sent him slamming into a group of rocks, his body a blazed. I knew that it was the end of him as I fell to a exhausted heap to the ground. Looking up and remembering Finn I crawled to the wagon and achingly pulled myself up the edge of the wagon. I had to check on Finn. He looked dead and I climbed slowly up to him and rested my head against his chest. His heart beat slowly but strong. Knowing that he was alive I fell next to him into a deep sleep.

Mooneyes · « **Reply #19 on:** August 04, 2011, 09:35:59 PM »

I awoke with a start! Eyes squinting into the morning sun I try to remember where I was. Rolling my head to the side I see him. Finn. Is he still alive? I roll over and rest a hand on his chest and then my head. Yes, he was still breathing,But for how much longer? Relaxing just a little I try and come up with a plan.Knowing what I needed to do I make my way to the lake and wash my face and hands. Coming back to the wagon I toss all of Finn and my belongings onto the seat. Minutes later I clambered up onto the bench and grasped the reins into my sore hands. The mule seemed long in tooth but well suited for the trip into Krandor. So I set off for the rough ride to the hospital. Ms. Ellohanna said she would be there. That she would see what she could do after examining Finn. She may need a vial his blood she had written back. I'm okay with that. I just can't do this by myself anymore. Once I arrive...I jump down and race to the door knocking hard...waiting for an answer.