Dalila (Thoughts)

[Dalila]

Journal,
   I have been having these realy bad nightmares. I keep seeing my little sister die over and over again. I am almost scared to sleep at times because I can't stand seeing her die; and me, not being able to do anything about it. Oh, how I miss her. I met a man the other day, Lex'or, and he has a sister of his own. Whenever he talks about her I think of how I failed my own. It is all my fault she is gone. If only I could have done something....anything. I live in the constant memory of how I failed her. In these nightmares I also see Samson, the man that murdered her. He is always laughing and saying ,"You will pay for what you have done to me!" as if he is the one making me have these awfull dreams. But could he? He is dead. I killed him myself. Am I a killer like him? I have both of their blood on my hands. This man Lex'or has been so kind to me, I don't deserve it. He is showing me all the beautiful places around mistone. I think Emily would have liked him and the sights here. She would have been free at last here on mistone, but here I am free without her. I long to see her sweet face and  hear her laughter once again. I have never known a man to be as kind as lex'or. The only two men I ever knew were the two that betrayed me and Emily. Then there is Krys. He is a kind soul too. I think Emily would have liked him as well. He has been a good friend and is always there when I need him. Maybe all men are not as bad as my father and Samson. Maybe there is some good in this world.

*you can tell Dalila was crying while she was writing. for the ink is slightly smeared in places*

[Dalila]

Journal,
Well tonight was awful. Lex'or fell in the Krandor crypts. I should have done something to help him. I guess I can't keep anyone alive. Everyone around me seems to die. I feel so useless. Oh, how I wish I could have done something to prevent him from falling. He told me it was ok and that it was not my fault, but I know it is. He gave me a beautiful flower to help me feel better. When I invised him so he could go and get his grave I had to let it out. I cried and Clarissa comforted me. She told me that Lex'or would be okay. I am so glad she was there. She is such a good friend.

Lex'or has been so kind in showing me many new places. I just wish there was some way to repay him for all his kindness to me.
I learned that he likes to fish, read, and do good for others. He is so funny and makes me smiles. He asked me about my past and I have no idea why, but for some reason I trust him. I told him everything except my nightmares. I think if I told him about them he would think I was crazy or paranoid. I stay awake till I almost pass out because of exhaustion for fear of the seeing the my sister die once more and hearing that cold laughter.

List of things seen: Polar bear, snow, the temple of Beryl, temple of Xeen, temple of Lucinda, and sights in shoufal.
Oh, I leaned how to make a snow angel. Lex'or taught me. Even though the snow was cold I could not resist playing in it. The snow looked as if someone had laid down a blanket of crystal. It was so nice. I would love to see it again.

[Dalila]

Journal,
Its strange, for once I did not dream of my sisters death. In this dream I was sitting in Hlint on the benches when a girl caught my eye. It looked so much like Emily so I followed her. She kept looking at me but kept walking. It was as if she wanted me to follow her. She finally stopped when we got to the dire woods. There she turned and faced me. I walked up to her and then I knew it was her. I asked her why she had led me there but then her face changed and she started to laugh franticly. She was no longer my little but Samson. I got so angry. I tried to cast at him but for some reason my spells would not work. He stopped laughing and said he loved it when I got angry and that it pleased him to see me so. I could not hold back my tears which I think pleased him even more. I yelled for him to kill me because if he did not I was going to kill him. He just smiled and asked me with what I was going to kill him with for I had no magic. I told him I would find a way and that one day he would not be able to prevent me from casting. I don't know how he did this but I have to find a way to brake through it. He said my anger was the Key to what I wanted and he loved it. Then he vanished. I then woke up and realized I was no longer in the inn where I had fallen to sleep but I was really in the dire woods where he had led me. I was so frightened. What does this mean? I have to find out but, whom should I tell and whom can I trust to believe me. The most frightening part about this whole thing is that I had woken up in a place I had not fallen to sleep. If he can do this what else can he do? I fear there is something very wrong. What if he is not dead or he was but is no longer. I am so confused.

I have been running around with Clarissa and Lex'or a lot lately. The drive to gain more power is very strong. I have been practicing very had so that if my encounter with Samson accurse again I will be ready.

[Dalila]

Dear Journal,
Well I told Lex'or about my dreams and he did not think I was crazy. I am very glad for this. He told me it was probably just my guilt and I just need to forgive myself but, how does one do this? He let me rest my head on his shoulder while I was talking to him and I was very grateful. He is so kind to me. When I escaped form Samson I did not think I would ever trust another man, but that has changed. I trust him and him alone. He is the only man in my life that I feel I can talk to and not worry about him judging me. If only there was something I could do for him.

The other night while I was in Hlint I met up with Lex'or and Kalin and we decided to go to Krandor to lay to rest some undead. Well while we were still in Hlint Eghaas walked up and because I knew him I waves not think that it would effect Lex like it did for I did not know the bad blood between them. For a while after that Lex was not himself. It almost scared me. I was not sure what to do. I asked him what was wrong and he did not answer me. He said it was more personal and that he did not want to tell me around Kalin. This got Kalin a little angry and made him run off. I think this just put Lex in a worse mood. Without saying a word to me he walked over to eh lake and sat there looking into the water. I went over to him and asked him again waht was wrong. He told me about the bad blood between him and eghaas. I then understood what I did. I felt so awful. I told him I understood and that if there was anything I could do for him I would.  More later....

[Dalila]

Journal,
Today Lex'or came up to me and told me he had something to show me. He said it was on his ox frank. At first I was confused but then he showed me what is was I just had to smiles. He had gone out and colected a bunch of minerals so that I could start learning how to do some gem crafting. I hope I can learn fast because I don't want him to have waited his time getting them for me. He then asked me what I wanted to do. He gave me three choices. 1)Go and finish our adventure from the other night.(he had been showing me around Dregar) 2)To go to the Leilon arms inn and have a drink, and 3) to just talk. Since I had never been to the Leilon arms I chose to go there. When we got there, there were many people and I felt as if I was intruding. There we met Krys and clarissa. While we were all having a nice little conversation when someone started to talk about dancing. So clarissa and Krys decided to have a little fun and dance for Lex'or and me. I kind of laughed and I thought they looked so cute together even though they are just friends. Then Lex'or asked me if I wanted to dance. I had never danced bofore and at first was a little hesitant but, then he smiled and I just couldn't resist. At first the music was realy fast and I had a realy fun time while he was showing me how to jump around the room together, at least that is what it felt like. I don't think I have ever had so much fun in my life. And then the music changed. It got realy slow and my heart started to race. He wanted to show me another kind of dance. It was a lot slower and a lot more personal. He pulled me close to him. I feel safe there. Like nothing in the world could touch me. I rested my head on his shoulder and I just prayed her could not feel my heart and how fast it was beating. I felt like it was going to jump out of my chest.  When the music stoped I noticed that Clarissa and Krys had gone and it was just Lex'or and me dancing. We then sat down at the table and Clarissa asked me if I could do her a favor. Of course I said yes and I was kind of glad to be able to get outside and breath. When I got back I gave Clarissa what she needed and I sat back down. Clarissa thanked me and then said "Lexy your so....". I had no idea what it meant. I asked him about it and he told me. I felt bad because I don't want him to feel like he has to tell me anything. After that I was exhausted. Dancing realy does take its toll on you. It was time for me to take my leave and go rest. We said bye and I left.

I have been wondering about my feelings towards him lately. He wants to be an undead slayer and do good. He was telling me how it would be a hard life to live. In a way I know what he is talking about. Always having to be alone. I told him I did not think it wise to do anything alone but he said that if anyone was with him, especially if he cared for them, he would have to make a choice between them and the mission. He also said the mission is the most important thing. If I did feel more than just friendship I would only be a burden. I know he says I would never be but that is now. I think in the long run I would become just another thing holding him back. So I have made up my mind that we are just going to be friends. He is my best friend and I trust him and value him over everything, and if it came down to it even my own life. I know he is going through some tough times right now and I just want to be there for him like he is for me. I feel like he is the brother I never had. The person that I could run to if ever I needed anything and he would be there to protect me. I pray every night that he is safe and he finds peace. I wish there was something I could give. I hate just taking and taking and not being able to give anything back. I would give him anything he asks for it would only  be a glimps of that he has done for me.

[Dalila]

Journal,

Oh, so much has happened. I don't even know where to begin.

1) Lex’or told me he loved me. I feel so awful because I can not return his love. He is meant for a greater purpose. I told him I would give him anything he wanted but I fear the one thing he wants from me is the one thing I can not give him. Not to him...not to anyone. I wish I would have known how he felt before he told me, that way I could have done something to stop it....but I was blind. He wants to be a Undead slayer....he does not need me and all my problems to slow him down. He tells me that I would not be a burden to him but, we all know that is a lie. He might believe it now but he will eventually see that truth. I also fear I have told him too much. I don't want him to feel as if he has to do anything for me. I have done well on my own before and I can do so again. I can not bare the idea of what I have done to him.....and am doing. Just being around him....he makes me feel safe. I am being so selfish. I can not have what I want. I never could. He is going to move on and forget about me. That is the way life works and I am the one to blame. I let him get too close and I can't seem to let him go. He does not judge me like others do. I want his friendship and I want to be able to talk to him about everything but this I fear is now impossible. Now that his feelings run deeper than friendship I can no linger look at him the same way. I only see what I have done to him. I am no better than Samson.

2) I got to hold Sonya new baby. Oh how it brought joy to my soul to see him. He was so beautiful. Sonya and Rain should be very proud. The baby even fell asleep in my arms. I could not keep my eyes off of him. He had such a peaceful face and such small hands.

3) I have been going around Dregar with Clarissa and she has been helping me a lot. I tell her everything. She does not judge me for who I am....or what I am. If it was not for her and Lex'or I am afraid to admit that I would have let my anger take over. I would not be the Dalila everyone knows but the person I hate the most. Clarissa and Lex'or both tell me that I just need to forgive myself but, I can't. What I have done is past forgiveness....and now what I have done to Lex'or. I will not ever forgive myself for doing these things. I will have to live with the fact that I will forever be alone. I have killed my sister I have hurt Lex'or and I have.....let something be taken away from me that I held most dear. For these reasons I can no longer let people get close to me. Lex'or and Clarissa are my friends and they are the only ones I trust but, I fear that I will only hurt them more. I have already hurt Lex...and I need to get out before I do something to hurt Clarissa. It seems pain will forever follow me.

Well I did say a lot has happened. I wish there was another way but I can't see one right now.

[Dalila]

Dear Journal,
  I had another dream. This time I am realy scared. I know now that Samson is alive and he does have my son. He told me I need to come to him or he will kill him. He son looked so scared. I could see it in him eyes. He Has Brown hair and a sweet round face and he looks so much like his father. If you can even call Samson a Father. I tpld him if he hurt my son I was going to make him suffer so much more. He cut my hand to make me remember what he is going to do to my son if I did not come to him alone. After I woke up I could feel a sharp pain in my hand. It realy was cut. I bandaged it up and left to go and think. Then I ran into LEx'or. This was the last thing I wanted at the time. HE was going to see my hand and start asking questions and he did see it. I tried to hide it so hard but I failed. It had not stoped bleading for abut a day. HE took my hand in his and he used his faith to heal it. The pain left me and I culd only look at him and smile. The what I fear came. He started to ask me where I got it and how and why. All the questions I did not want to answor because I thought he would think I was crazy. I told him about my dream and how I knew Samson was still alive and had my son. HE belived me. I then had to tell him that I had to go alone. He would not hear of it. HE told me he was not going to let anyone hurt me or my son and that he was comeing. To be honest I am glad he said this. I know that if I go alone I will not come back. He would have both me and my son. Samson would kill us both or he would kill me and train my son to be evil like him. If lex'or comes he might get hurt and I could never forgive myself if he got hurt because of me. I wonder every night what my son knows about me....if he knows anything. What if he thinks I just left him there because I did not love him. He should be about 3 now. Oh how I long to have him back in my arms. Samson knows this and is using it against me. Lex'or said he might know of some people that would be willing to help me get him back. I don't knw if this is a good idea or not. I can't risk Samson getting mad and killing my son.

Lex'or took me to go and see some very beautiful waterfalls. I love to see the wayer rushing down. It is just amazing. Then he remembered the time that clarissa and I pushed him into the lake in Hlint. So he picked me up. I warned him not too but he jumped in with me. The water was very nice.
Something to remember: NEVER tempt Lex'or to do anything.
As soon as I told him not to take me in the water with him he did. Not that I did not have a blast but just something I want to remember. After playing arund for a few minutes we got out and he built a fire so we could warm ourselves. It was getting late and the fireflys were coming out. They were very pritty. I think they liked Lex because they kept landing on him. We just rested by the fire for a while and then I had to get back to town.

He has been getting me a lot of gems to work with. He just watches me as I cut and polish them. When he is there it seems to go by much faster. I guess time flys when one is having fun.

Lex'or thinks I am getting bored when I am around him. This is not true. He has gotten this strange idea in his head that he is failing me. He told me that he can not always be there to protect me when I am runing around with some of my friends on dregar. This kind of mand me sad but I can understand why he is saying it. His church says that they are not aloud to kill and living creature. Not that I agree fully with this but it is what he belives and I am not going to standin his way. I just told him he could never fail me and that he has done so much for me already. I would like him to be there with my when I am out there but if he can not I will not tell him this. I don't want him to compromise his faith because of what I want. I would never do anything that would harm him even if that means haveing to do things alone.  

[Dalila]

Dear Journal,
I am so Scared. I am about to face the man I hoped never to see again. The man that I thought was dead. He came to me in a dream and told me I have to come to him to be able to get my son back and that I had to go alone. He also told the that he never really died in the fire that I started. He said he was not fully human. How could this be? I knew there was something very strange about him but I did not know what it was till now. He is a tiefling.He said he let me go so that I could find hope and he could crush it one day and use my son against me. My son...that means he is a tiefling as well. I will still love him. He is my flesh and blood.....how can I not love him? I know that I am going to be walking into a trap. I know he is going to end up killing me after he is done with me. I don't want to die but if it means my son will be safe I am willing to give my life. I must save him or at least try....I have to try. When I told Lex'or I was leaving I knew I was braking his heart. How did I let it get this far. How could I....let him fall for me. I don't want to hurt others. I don't want to hurt him. I knew this time would come and yet I still got too close. Now I am not the only one I am hurting. I know he loves me.....I do...but I can't let him think I feel the same way. I might not come back. I might not ever see him again. Never? Never? When I told him I was leaving he asked me to stay just until he was able to get something for me. I have to leave soon and I have not seen him in so long. I am so afraid. He can not find out I am not coming back. If he finds out he will stop me from going. I can't just let my son die because I am afraid of death. The only reason I am not gone yet is because I promised him. I gave him my word and I can not brake it. Oh God...if I don't live through this at least I know I died doing something worth while....worth being loved for. My son looks so much like his father it scares me. What if he thinks I just left him. What if he thinks I am like my mother and father. Samson told me that if I did not come alone, if I tricked him in any way that he would personally take care of lex'or. I can't let this happen. I know lex'or only wants to help but I can't let him. I can't let him get killed. The only people in this world that I care about are Lex'or, me son, Clarissa, Erik, and Krys. How could I let myself get so close to people. I am paying for my stupidity now. Samson if you hurt any of them I swear I will find a way to hurt you so badly you are going to wish you never saw me. My son needs me. he needs his mother. He should be about 6 now. Every time I think about all the time I have missed my heart brakes. 6 years is so long. I missed his first word, his first steps....everything. I don't want to miss any more. I am going to tried myself for my son. I can't tell lex'or this....I just can't. I am scared if the pain I know I am going to suffer, the feeling of being lost, his touch, never seeing my friends again. I am going to leave this journal behind so that if I don't come back I will not be forgotten. So that my friends might find it one day and know that I really did care for them. I can't show my fear to anyone. I can't let them think that I might not come back. The only person that even knows that I am going is Lex'or. I don't want to die....but I have no choice.

  - Dalila-

If you find this journal don't come after me, Please I beg you don't try and find me because if you found this I am already dead.

*the ink is slightly smeared because she was crying while writing*

[Dalila]

Dear Journal,
  I met Lex'or tonight and He tooks me to the beautiful garden they we had gone so many times before. There he gave me the items. He gave me a Beautiful dress, a ring and a necklace. I know I don't deserver them. He then told me he was being sent on a mission. A mission that could even end his life. My heart broke to hear him say this. I told him I would never take the necklace off my neck and I will keep my word. It will never leave me. For I want to remember the man that was so kind to me. He has been one of the only people I truely trust and now I may never see him again. On the back of the necklace were the words "So that my heart and soul be with you forever when I can not be. With all my love, Lex'or". When I could bare it no longer I huged him and I left. I had to go. Watching his pain killed me. I leave now so that I may save my son. I don't see any happy endings for me. I guess that is the way things are for me. Samson, I am coming to get my baby.

*she slams the Journal shut and hides it* *she picks up her pack and leave*

God help me.

[Dalila]

//The start of Dalila's new life.

[Dalila]

Who am I? I know my name but that is all. Some healer found me and brought me back. He said he found me in the woods? *sighs* but why? what was I doing? Once I was back to normal....or normal as in healthy, he left me in a town name hempstead. I know no one. I wish I could remember....anything. Men scare me. I don't know why. Whenever they come close to me I feel the need to run and hide. I feel as if they are going to hurt me....but why? none of them have tried to hurt me yet....accept one. He tried to kill me. *frowns* All I did was change the way I looked. I guess I scared him. He said he will kill me if someone wanted me dead. But who would want me dead? Are men evil?
  For some reason I get sad when I am around children. This confuses me. Everone else seems to happy when they around and all I can do is cry when I see them. I so wish I could remember. When I try to remember all I get are all these emotions. Saddness, fear, hate. It scares me. Am I evil?
  Maybe I was...I can't remember. Did I have a family? I do know someone loved me! But who and why? I am nobody. No one seems to know who I am. There is a man named Storold, he said he know about me but did not know me. How can this be? He said something about me scrying? What does that mean? The one thing I have is this necklace. That is how I knew there was someone out there. I am so confused. A woman named hanna seemed to know me. she knew my name. Or maybe I looked like someone she knew....I don't know. Oh well I am tired of thinking and trying to remember for now. A man named Krys gave me a place to stay. I will go there. Why is he nice to me? Why does he not scare me like all the others? I must know. I must.

[Dalila]

*Dalila find a quiet place and kneels down looking up into the sky*
    I don't understand what these dreams mean.  Maybe they are nothing...but they are so real, as if I have lived them.  
* She looks down closing her eyes remembering the dreams*
The dream of her son:
      * There is a women in a dark room.  As tears stream down her blood stained face she looks down at a young child in her arms.....a boy.  The young boy does not move and looks to be sleeping.  The women looks up as the door opens and she falls silent.  All you can hear is the gentle wind blowing through the trees outside.  A dark figure walks in the room and tries to take the child from the women and she starts to beg him to leave her alone clinging with all her strength to the child.  The man overpowers her and rips him from her arms. "My Son! Don't take him from me. You have taken everything else....Please. I beg you. Not my son!" she weeps. The man looks back at her, clearly pleased with her pain, and grins "My son you mean!  If you would have just listened and came to me he would still be alive...but no you have to leave me and this is what you get."   The man, holding the dead boy in his arms turns from her and walks twards the door. The  young women leaps up with the rest of her strength and charges after then man.  He turn back, knocking her to the ground.  Her body lies on the ground not moving.  "Don't worry, you're next my Love", he smirks.*
   *Tears run down Dalila's face and she gets up walking back to Llast*

[Dalila]

*Dalila decides to take a walk through the wood trying to remember anything she can about her past....anything that might spark some feeling.  After a few hours she finds herself by a lake. As a tear rolls down her cheek she sits down looking into the water*
     What's the point of life when I can't remember anything! I want to remember.  I want to know who I was, who I knew, who cared for me...or if I even had any of this.  I don't care anymore...I am not afraid to know the truth of what I was.  I just want to know.  Can anyone tell me? ANYONE!
*As she wells out a man step out from the tree line. As she looked at him something in her told her to run but she could not.  Her will was gone.  As he slowly walked closer to her it seemed as what little hope she had left was slowly being stripped from her. Her head screamed at her to run but her body would not cooperate. All she could do was sit there stairing into his eyes.*
     Who are you?  I thought I was alone...how do I know your face?  I don't understand.
*As he stood over her he reached down and gently touched the side of her head with his cold hand. Dalila tried to pull away but she had no power left...he was in control now.  As he touched her, her face turned from confusion to terror. "I gave you want you wanted now you will give me what I want" he hissed.  All Dalila could do was get on her knees.  Her heart crying out in pain.  She could finaly remember everything....her son, friends, pain, love.*
     I am done running from you.  You have taken everything that I loved.  I am just an empty soul.  Walking dead.  There is nothing else you can do to hurt me now.  I am no longer scared of death.  
*As she speaks tears stream down her face and he begins to laugh.  "Thats where you are wrong.  What is that you keep so close to you around your neck." He reaches down and breaks if off.  Dalila gasps and tries desperatly to get it back from him but he easily overpowers her.  He reads the back of the necklace out lowed to her. "So this is the man who claims to love you" He looks around "but where is he now? Some love he is...he will leave you to die.  He let you come to me knowing I would kill you.  You really thought he loved you?  I bet he is off right now with some other women and does not even remember you.  Why would he want to remember a woman who could not even save her own son. Oh, my love, he has lied to you.  Sent you here so that he could live out the rest of his life without you.  You failed Dalila! You failed as a mother, as a friend, and as a person!  And I can't have failure. " Dalila looks up into his eye with a look of pure hatred on her face.*
     Are you going to stand here and insult me some more or are you going to finish what you started so many years ago?  The only coward I see here is you!  You could never even keep a woman under control.  So kill me if that is what you are going to do. DO IT!
*His face turns from an evil smile to anger. Dalila closes her eyes knowing she is taking her last breaths.  She could feel the energy coming from him...it was more powerful then anything she had ever felt before.  She could feel her heart being ripped out of her chest and she screamed out in pain...but then the pain was gone. Everything was gone...feeling, pain, everything.  Dalilas lifeless body fell to the ground and he held her heart in his hand.  He stood there and grinned for a long while trying to decide what he would do with her body. After a long while he finaly decided.  He picked Dalila up and carried her to the Aeridenite temple. "I want to show her love what he did for her" he laughs and leaves her body on the steps...blood slowly runs down the stairs waiting to be found.*