Contemplations of a Torn Soul

[Halfwit Genious]

*Kalin sits slowly wondering where to start*

        It has now been quite some time since I left Arabel for Mistone. I have made some friends and some enemies. It is different here though. Life is more carefree, more relaxed almost. Oh there are troubled times to be sure but nothing like on Belinara. Upon arriving, one of the first people I met was a sorceress named Dalila. She seems useful enough but she is strong-willed and ever loyal to a fool named Lex'or, though that is changing, little does he know.

*A sly grin creeps onto his face as he ponders that for a moment*

       Anyway, that's enough about her. Lex'or is no problem either... he thinks he's so much more rightous than I but all he does is make himslef out to be a hipocrit... maybe he's not that much better than the ones he says he hates. He is also supposed to be an Aeradinite but every time I meet him things come to him suggesting we go to the arena or some other such violent action.. just another example of his hipocrisy. Furthermore, I have never met a man that is never wrong till I met Lex'or. He has an excuse for everything he does. Poor ones... just enough to justify it to himself. However to anyone smarter than a badger they are sadly transparent.

      I have made a few visits to the Temple of Corath here on Mistone... It is a magnificent place. Much more grand than the one in Arabel. I will have to go there more often... It is interesting to watch my powers develop far beyond what I ever expected, mostly thanks to my Lord Corath.

*closes the book, utters a few spells from the school of abjuration to protect it from unwanted readers, and drifts slowly to sleep*

[Halfwit Genious]

*sits down after a long day and begins writing in a small book*

It has been some time since I have written here but I am glad to finally get the chance. Many things have passed recently such as an incident with Kinai where I seem to have all but broken my ties to Corath. I do not know how much longer it would have lasted anyway... maybe this was a good thing. I am looking for new deity... one that might protect me from Corath seeing as I am cursed now. I have heard good things of Lucinda. Maybe she would be a good choice seeing as I draw my magic from the weave and she is the Mistress of the Weave.

I have been continuing to practice my magic and have been impressed with my progress. I have come a long way from when I was a boy trying to set a bit of hay on fire. One of my favorite new abilities as my connection to the weave grows stronger is a spell that allows me to go toe to toe with giants and many other monsters that I never would have been able to face alone otherwise. I fear that even though this is freeing as I do not need to find traveling companions everytime I need to get something it may be the end of me if I do not let go of it. It leads me to take more risks and I can't bear another meeting with the Soul Mother.

*shivers a bit before closing the book and lying down to sleep*

[Halfwit Genious]

*sips from a bottle of wizard's wheat ale as he begins to write*

Things are going well... My abilities continue to grow at a rate I would have never thought possible and I am making more and more friends and trraveling more and more. Yes things are wonderful... In the back of my mind however I fear Corath's coming judgment, but what can I do against a god? So I sit and wait for the day to come wondering how much longer I have. I have decided to renounce him as my deity. He has brought me nothing but hardship, but for the longest time he was all I knew. I have not made much progress on learning about Lucinda but it is clearly better to have no god then it is to serve one so cruel. Some women named Clarissa and Rose have been helping to show me that there are others ways of gaining power then worshiping him. My two most common traveling companions are Coyote and Tialle... Tialle she's a wierd one. She has violent unnatural mood swing all the time, but she always makes adventuring interesting if not always enjoyable. She used to be a good friend but now she has taking to talking about me behind my back and just treating me like nothing. I think she's just trying to prove something to me now that she is coming close to equalling my magical abilities. Maybe she feels she needs to prove this to me... she doesn't need to. I know it is true, but if this is the way she has to do it then I am not sure I will endure it much longer. Coyote has a bit of a temper sometimes, but he is much more predictable and simple to work with. He fights like a lion and is as steadfast a friend as anyone I've ever met. I think I will end on that note for now. I hope to make more entries in the near future.

*puts the book away after renewing it's magical protections that are getting stronger with each day*

[Halfwit Genious]

*sits heavily under a large tree in the Dapplegreen Outskirts*

There have been some interesting developments in the past weeks. For good or for worse I know not but interesting is the least I can say. I met a woman named Amaris recently. The first time I met her was on an adventure through firesteep with Steel and a few others. I can't believe I didn't see it then... I suppose it was all the excitment and thrill of the moment that distracted me. However, upon meeting her for the second time when no distractions were around I remembered her... from when I was and acolyte in the temple. She told me she left the church but not for the same reasons I did. She just seemed to dislike the social aspect of the religion. She has agreed to tell no one of my time at the temple, so long as I do not share her secret either. She is very quiet. Hard to read. This will make trusting her difficult. I hope maybe someday I can show her that the lifestyle she has chosen is no way to live your life. How can I convince her of that though when I to am still caught up in it? This only confirms my need to renounce Him.

*renews the protections on the journal and tucks it into a hidden pocket in his cloak*

[Halfwit Genious]

*leans against a tree in the Hallow Light Forest and collects his thoughts before beggining to write*

My life has undergone a change or two recently... I find the guilt of my past slowly melting away though I still fully intend to make amends to the family I have wronged so heinously. This was only made all the more apparent when I met with Jin Lun Lee again during a trip to Tilmar... I need to get moving on that but the time just never seems right... I have also undergone some more physical changes. My magic continues to grow stronger by the day and more outwardly I have altered my robes a bit to look less like what I was and more like what I am  striving to be. From back and red to silver and blue. The only thing left to do is to formally renounce He who I am in bondage too.

Now that my outfit is a bit lighter I don't get all the "oh he must be evil" reactions... not that I minded them but I don't really miss them. There is one major flaw in my present look. It is almost exactly like Malor's... this was not intentional and as I told him he simply has exceptional taste. *grins to himself* I need another parasol. I traded my other for a globe of sorts that I use as part of my look and an efficient source of light. I need to get Steel to tell me why he is talking now... maybe he just doesn't want to tell me. He is rather secretive. I need to get to know him better, beyond just traveling together frequently, but he just isn't the kind of guy you go up to and say "hey lets sit and talk about life for a while." He seems to talk only around certain people that I guess he deams it is nessecary to talk to. Mostly people he adventures with often. Otherwise he tends to keep quiet like he used to all the time... maybe there were people he talked to before but he just hadn't decided to talk to me yet. Either way I need to talk to him if he will talk...

*tucks the journal into his cloak*

[Halfwit Genious]

*Sits slowly outside the dungeon in the Kuhl forest after slaying the Shadison Warrior Guarding the portal*

Wow. I never dreamed I'd be able to take on something like that. It makes me wonder what else I could challenge. Perhaps the skeleton at the bottom of the caves with living chests in it. Yes he would be a good challenge. *shivers for a second as he reads over what he has just written*

I need to slow down. My power is growing yes. That much is for sure. It is growing fast, but I need to find a focus; something to do with this power; something to stand for. *ponders for a moment, looking to the sky, then brings his head back down returning his gaze to the pages of the journal* I have been learning a bit more about Lucinda. A man named Tristan answered a few of my questions like what she stands for, and what her view of the weave is. I like what I hear but it was the same way with Corath. Promises of power, which have not altogether proven false but ever since I denounced him that power is left aimless, muted. I will have to find a preist or someone well into the higherarchy of Lucinda to find the real answers and seperate the truth from the falsehood. That is my next move.

*renews the wards on the journal and stows it in the hidden pocket in his cloak*

[Halfwit Genious]

*unpolymorphes from dragon shape sitting alone on the peak of a high mountain in the Hammerbounds*

It's been to long since I've written here. No time for regrets though. I have had a chance to speak with Storold Doesscha, Protector of the Weave. *chuckles a bit to himself* Such a mouthful. As well I have spoken with a cleric of Lucinda named Corba I think. I've never been good with names. She seemed to be rather attatched to a fellow named Gallen Tweed, if in fact that was his name. *sighs* She had a few choice phrases that seemed to imply that the weave was a part of her. Not just something she could use. This has caught my interest as something rather desirable. I need a higher cause than myself and my personal gain. I have come to hope that Lucinda and the furtherance of her teachings can play a part in this. I am tired of being a weapon to be used by any party I am traveling with at the time. I will learn as much as I can of her teachings before accepting her completely. Perhaps some more chatting with Storold on a more serious note.

*renews the wards on the journal tucking it away, then changes into a dragon again preparing for the flight down from the mountain*

[Halfwit Genious]

*sits near the gates of Huangjin after one of his adventures*

    Life continues to go well. My view on a few things has changed of late. Most prominently is my view of what I do, how I do it, and how to go about doing it. These have all changed in the way I look at and understand the weave. Until recently I looked at it as a tool to be controlled and brought into submission. Now I realise it will lend itself to me freely if I just try to understand it better. Our relationship has changed from one of use to one of admiration and respect. It is a beautiful thing. I find it comforting sometimes to just watch it. Some people don't understand.

    As for other things I see differently now is the group. We used to be friends brought together by a semi-common cause. Now we seem to be just a bunch of adventurers that have all their pet peaves and if any one of us doesn't get treated just right they go off on the rest of the group. There are a few exceptions being Krys and Clarissa. Then their are those that lecture after someone has had a fit about how they're right and we need to learn to accomodate them. It all just makes adventuring more frustrating and complicated than enjoyable. I hope this is just a phase that people go through when they are around eachother a lot. If not something's gonna give at some point, and I don't wanna be there when it does.

    I have new spells I have been testing. Gifts from the weave and the fruits of my labors to understand it. One of my favorites is Dominate Monster. It allows me to take control of almost any creature save the undead. I once broke the mind of the Balor outside Arnax. Arnax. It has been a while since I've thought about that place. I usually avoid it save for when I am adventuring and must pass through, but even this has become a mere habit and I don't seem to notice where I really am. The crime I commited there. There is still the matter of making that right. I will write again soon I hope.

*closes the book warding it and tucking it away in his robe, he heads for the portal that goes to an area north of Hlint*

[Halfwit Genious]

*sits down on the couch in Miritrix and takes out a small book, he waves his hand over it breifly and the strange glow around it fades after which he opens it wets a quill and begins to write*

    I wonder if I will ever run out of things to learn about the weave. I am already one of the formost mages of the times and I continue to learn and my powers continue to grow. Luckily I have mastered the art of illsuion sufficiently to the point that I can make myself look youthful to all but those with the best eyes or under the affects of True Seeing. My exterior shell may be begining to look old, but I feel younger and have more energy than ever. I don't want to leave this world. I want to live forever. At what cost though? What am I willing to pay for immortality? Can I even acheive such a goal?

    I am convinced the answer is yes. If liches can do it then so can I. Hopefully it won't come down to having to become a lich. There must be another way. Liches are beneath me and I would be most likely hunted and therefore have to destroy most of those I once called friends. I have read that there are elven liches that serve as protectors. Perhaps I can inquire about that. I will also visit the Great Library to search for other ways of acheiving immortality.

    Other than these thoughts life all in all goes well. We set out to explore a most interesting ruin. Foes of which the likes I've never seen. We were vastly succesful until we grew overconfident and didn't take time to prepare for what we knew was to come. We were ambushed and slaughtered. I still would not have traded the experience for anything. Creatures beyond anything I've seen. Treasure to. Oh, but there was treasure. A powerful ring, the tail of an ancient wyvern as well as it's scales, a shard from some sort of gate to another plane and more. As always though with treasure comes arguing. Apparently someone else was supposed to be holding things and I started to pick one or two things up. Beasty confronted me even though a few others had done it to. I somewhat less than politely told him to shove it where the son don't shine. I of course handed the loot over to the rightful holder. I just didn't apreciate being accused of stealing because of an honest mistake.

    Beasty and Peanut got married. Quantum and I threw some spells for them and created an illsuion as a wedding gift of sorts. On another note Lexor's date was flirting with me, which made me feel a little uncomfortable. She was beautiful and all but someone that disloyal... is it really even worth it? The preistess of Ilsare asked if we were together while Lex was gone and I said no and that she was another man's date. Lexor's date promptly winked at me and asked me why I would let that stop me. She was a sorceress though and on that account I will help her to learn and grow in any way I can. I think it is time for me to begin to pass my knowledge onto a younger generation.

*puts the book down and thinks about everything he has written before once again waving his hand over the book renewing the strange glow around it and puts it away along with his quill*

[Halfwit Genious]

*hums happily to himself as he sits to write in his journal*

     So much is going on these days. The world seems a much more complicated place than it once was. I have recently begun involvment in many major events in the world. It seems when one becomes useful he or she will be used, but I don't really mind. This is because with that same usefulness comes influence and influence is always a good thing.
     
      One of the things I have been a part of recently was a mission to stop a group of emmesaries sent by the Cult to try tp persuade Snowtooth to join there cause. The alternative I assume was killing him. I am wondering how they could accomplish the latter, but am almost certain they could for some reason. We trecked a long way and fought a few ugly frost giants only to be confronted by and actual full grown green dragon... apparently they ride the dragons. I was amazed, but with the combined strength of our party we were able to end the dragon. I was then able to recover some of its blood and one of its scales for Omer to study or do whatever he does. After felling the dragon we proceeded into a cave, which we determined to be Snowtooths lair; and met the emmesaries who threatend us and then we killed them. It was a tough fight and even the white dragon himself got involved. At the end only about four of us still stood, but we had won and the white dragon thanked us in his own way by letting us go peacefuly and announcing he would not destroy Leringard as he had planned.

      More news as of late is that I and some unfortunate corathites happend to cross paths. They tried to convince me they were not who I thought them to be, and one did; but as soon as I attacked one the other entered the fight. In the end the four of them lay dead on the ground and I stood almost unscathed. I hope this is not the best the once proud church has to offer. I had hoped for a challenge or two along the way against them. Perhaps there will be some in the future.

*by this time he has discontinued his humming and in its place is a frown as he thinks of corath and closes the journal renewing its wards*