The thoughts of Trajan Ellis

[magnusarin]

Today I arrived in the City of Gold. While it was awe inspiring, the luster quickly dulled for me. I want to believe this place is different, that the corruption and the suffering doesn't exist here as it does in all the other towns and cities I have seen.
     My hope was quickly snuffed out. Directly after arriving I was plagued by a captain that needed me to retrieve trinkets from kobolds because he was unwilling to send men out. It's all for the best I suppose. He should be worried about defending his citizens. I also heard about a problem in the sewers. Clogged pipes. Not really my area, but I don't want citizens getting sick.
     It's rats mostly. Big nasty ones, disease ridden and rapid. I was overconfident my first time down...and my second and third time as well. I feel Kithairien must be disappointed with me after these failed attempts. I can't remember now how many times I trekked down into the pipes, only to return to the town square for rest and medical attention.
    I met many kind people today. They binded my wounds and gave me words of encouragement but none offered to help me in the sewers. I can only hope that they had more pressing business for the city and that they were not ignoring the plight of the unforunate.

[magnusarin]

There are moments in a life that forever alter the course of your destiny and I believe today was one such moment for me. Today I was lifted out of dispare and shown what was possible.
It started with my death. Well, a little before that. I was making yet another investigation to the sewers, getting farther than I ever had. I came to a large room seeming to house the central lines. I was immediately swarmed by a horde of rats, but that wasn't what got me. It was the sauhgin. It must be what's clogging the pipes, but I had little time to worry about him. In two great strides he was upon me and in my weakened state I was no match. I was cut down and I figured that must be the end of me. I could feel the life draining from me and then everything went dark.

I awoke to a bright blue sky and the feeling of grass between my fingers and against my head. My immediate thought was that Kithairien had taken pity on me and let me go to his eternal hunting grounds, but it was a foolish thought. I was not worthy to go and even as this day ends I would not consider myself so. I came to realize that I was in the town of Hlint, many miles from Port Hemp. I had little idea of where to go or how to return to the Port.

I exited to the north but soon realized that I would never survive and that's when the moment happened. A man appeared on a horse. He was shining in armor as polished as a mirror. I figured he would pass me by with a smile and a wave, but he did the most extraordinary thing. He stopped. I know it seems simple, but at that point, when I was full of self-doubt and fear, it was the kindest thing he could have done. He asked for my name which I readily gave and gave me his in return, Balazar. After explaining my situation, he didn't offer to escort me back to the city. He asked me to join him. He must have known I would be more of a burden than an asset, but I think he knew it would give me purpose.

We met with the other members of his excursion, a half-elf named Tialle and a large orc named Gorzak. I'll admit, I didn't trust the orc at first. My experience with the race was destruction and treatchery. Gorzak, while simple minded, has a heart to match his emmence strength and more than a few kind words for a slightly broken man. He, like Balazar, accomplished a great deal with the simple act of believing in me. However, I think it was Tialle who first respected me.
They were investigating several strange activities in the goblin settlement west of Hlint. After several skirmishes and a diplomatic turn with a scared goblin, we entered the cave. Many goblins were slain and in that I was little help, but in the aftermath I finally did my part. Tialle and I looked over the remains of a goblin in a pentagram. Between the two of us, my keen eyes and knowledge of the natural, hers of the arcane and ritual, we found out it was a transmutation circle.
There were other encounters deeper in the cave and I was lucky to survive. I was little use in battle itself, but that one moment of putting the pieces of the puzzle together gave me something I lost long before my trouble in the sewers. It gave me hope that given time, I could make a difference in this world. I will never be the strongest or the mightiest, but I have a keen mind and keener eyes. My hands are quick and my will is strong. I learned a great deal in that cave and I hope I have made several friends. Reguardless, I came out stronger both in body and spirit.

That could have been the end of it, but Balazar went one step further. He escorted me back to town and spoke with me about the dangerous places between here and there. Balazar gave me tips and thanked me for my services. He thanked me. First time in a long time that had happened. Felt good, like I was the man I was actually trying to be. I thanked him profusely as he left and offered my services if ever they were needed and then he was gone, but the moment had happened, and my new path was finally open.

[magnusarin]

The last couple of days have been productive. Upon my return to the Port I figured I should put my new found optimism and knowledge to good use. The sewers had to be cleared, but this time I was going to go in prepared. I had found out that I was not the island I had thought myself to be and with this newfound awareness it was time to find some help. The only problem with this was that aside from the citizenry going about their business, there was no one about. I must have combed the city three or four times before finding someone to help me.
What I found was a dwarf named Jal. I don't enjoy saying harsh words against anyone, especially someone that helped me, but I believe Jal to be a bit of an extortionist. A mercenary even. Jal agreed to help me, but his price was 500 true. I intended to walk away, having considerably less than his desired some, but Jal told me I could pay afterwards.
So we were off. Jal was a fairly silent companion, but a very effective one. Jal entered the sewer and calmly became a tornado of death. We (I saw we only because I was there. I had little to do with the outcomes) battled our way through the tunnels back to the central chamber I had briefly entered before. A swarm of rats and two sauhgin fell to Jal. After that, he truned and began his trek up. I followed as swiftly as I could and upon exiting he gave me a curt nod. Saying only that he'd being waiting for his payment.

Though now in debt, I was bolstered by my recent string of successes. I figured I had kept Captain Trent waiting long enough and now it was time to retrieve his trinket from the kobolds. I found an eager and stout warrior to aid me. I regret that his name has become jumbled in my mind. Odd that I can remember hundreds of species of planets and animals, but I have such a hard time with names. Comes from a life spent alone in the forest I suppose. It was Tormoln, or was it Tolmorn. I feel like it was the second, but could easily be the first.
In any case, he we was a strong arm and valiant heart. He took the point, putting himself directly into harms, hacking and slashing. I fired into the masses, most often aiming for the mystics in an attempt to spare my companion from the brunt of their magical force. We battle from band to band until finally reaching a last group, huddled around some sort of task master. Tormoln/Tolmorn (I hope I find him again some day and his name comes back to me with his face) cut down a wolf, drawing the attention of the mass. Once engaged and fired from the shadow of a small shack, picking of one and drawing the attention of another. As he neared I readied my swords and tangled with the yapping beast while my partner was making short work of the rest.
As the chaos drew to a close we searched the bodies, finally finding the stick the Captain wanted. Not wanting to wait around for returning scouting parties we retreated back to the farm fields outside the city where we parted with a smile and a wave.

It was a good day. I was in debt, but I was two for two.

[magnusarin]

Captain Trent is the prime example as to why I can't stand city officials. When he needed something done he was more than happy to promise me reward, but when it came time to pay up he was nowhere to be found. The damnedable man had me waiting for an entire day and a half before I finally caught up to him. He paid well enough, though I had expected a little more thanks for me effort. Oh well, I helped to protect the people of Hempstead and that is what should and does matter to me.

While waiting I did happen on some interesting individuals. A man, wizard by the look of him, who called himself Tadhg and and a mysterious woman named Kinai. I found Tadhg to be an earnest fellow. Idealistic and probably headstrong, but I couldn't take my eyes off Kinai. It wasn't due to her beautfy, though she has that in spades and any man who doesn't notice must not have eyes. No, it was the way, throughout our conversation and all that I had with her, that she could so easily slip my sight, even when I was staring right at her. I consider myself to be a man who can keep his presense to himself when necessary and I have met many who can do likewise, but I have never seen, or rather NOT seen, a person that can truly disappear before my eyes without the use of magic. Perhaps one day I'll ask her about it.
Tadhg seems to share my frustration of city officials and I was surprised that he made me privy to his thoughts. It seems there is a man who rules the city of Prantz who has brought strict laws to his people, laws that benefit those in power while keeping the poor, poor in both monetary wealth and spirit. He speaks of overthrowing the man and replacing him with a government of the people where they will vote for their own laws and leaders. While I support the liberation of the oppressed I'm not sure that this idea he proposes will bring the Utopia he imagines. A mob can take away the rights of the minority just as easily as a tyrant and it's easier to bribe small men with little power who dream of more than one who already holds it all. He's addiment though and perhaps one day I'll go to see for myself.
The two of them did invite me to come on a dangerous mission to the frozen north to a land called Krashin. I had never seen any lands but that of Mistone and was eager to travel the see. I agreed and we went about finding others to journey with us. A familiar face, Tialle, joined us with her companion Mitchel. We also picked up the warrior Savon and a dark elf by the name of Skull. I have no love of his race, but I have learned much due to my relationship with Gorzak and I'll save my judgement for him as an individual. More flocked to the expedition. An elf named X'une and several others. I was obviously a libaility, but I remembered the small amount of aid I had given to Balazar and the others and determined to do more this time around.
We made the long journey over choppy waters. I had never been on anything rougher than a river, and the large waves rocked the boat endlessly. I felt sick constantly, though I managed to keep my breakfast and other means firmly inside where they belonged.
I arrived on the Isle, happy to have my feet firmly back on the ground. I gave a short prayer to the Runner for delivering me safely and then I looked out upon the whiteness that was the Krashin. I had seen snow before, but never like this. It covered everything and the few trees that existed had seemed to give up to the harshness of their condition. It was beautiful though. It was clean and clear and you could see for miles. Breathing in I could feel the cold crisp air through my nose and lungs. It was painful in a way, but seemed to clean my body. I exhaled slowly, savoring the feeling.
We were long in diliberation and stockpiling goods, but we eventually set forth. I was amazed to travel in such company and continually studied my companions, but none so much as Kinai, at least when I could see her. I tried to find some clue as to her technique, but was disappointed to come away with little. So I was left with admiration of my companions and their abilities. They dispatched goblins even more powerful than those I had seen outside Hlint. Goblins that rode viscious wolves and studied vile magic. We trudged far across the island and into deep caves which offered no requite from the biting cold.
The cold. It was like a living thing, stronger than any enemy. It started with pinpricks on my skin and evolved into shivers. I exhaulted at moving forward because at least then I was thinking of something else. Eventually my fingers grew number and my knees stiff. Dodging the enemy's volleys became increasingly more difficult and drawing back my bowstring became a painful affair. Even when we lit fires at camp, I felt little of my extremities. I began to wonder if I had ever truly known what warmth felt like or if it was all my imagination.
We pushed on though and by all accounts were successful. My party collected vast amounts of minerals from the caves and once we had taken all we could carry, began our trek out. It seemed like we would be fine. We encountered little resistance leaving the cave, but as we prepared to mount a cliff, dissaster struck. A raiding party ambushed us, striking from behind. Most of us, myself included, were cut down. It was a massacre and those that escaped were pinned down.
Those of us who awoke in Hempstead went about making preperations to return. We braved the waters again and made the lonely cold journey back to our friends. With our combined forces we arrived at our own graves and fought our way back. On our way back, I finally felt of some use. My arrows began to strike home and my blades found the ribs of several goblins.
We made our way back to Port Hempstead and with my share of the wealth I was finally able to pay off Jal.

[magnusarin]

I feel as if I am finally coming into my own. It began with finally getting myself a fine looking suit of armor. My old set was a little too bright for my normally stealthy work. I've traded it in for a set of black and darkest green. The right arm is unguarded save for the forearm. It allows for a quicker release of my arrows and more range of movement to grasp my arrows from my quiver. The left arm is more heavily armored. I've attatched a heavy shoulder piece since I'm most often presenting my left side to my enemies. I wear a glove, but I've cut the fingers for a better grip on my bow. My scabbards I'm moved both to my right hip. It keeps them out of the way when firing and allows for quick withdraw and a heavy lateral slash for when my enemies get too close for bow work.
Shortly after fixing my armor, I met up with Tialle. She was in the company of a cheerful halfling named Lino. The two were off to explore the small southern continent of Alindor. They invited me to join and having never seen the foreign land and jumped at the chance.
We sailed into the Mariner's Hold and just outside of town, in a plain of lions, we met up with a woman named Dalila, a friend of Lino's. Our quartet wandered this new and fair land. We journeyed through the Swamp of Sorrows, infested with trolls. I laid my eyes upon The Lake of Glass, so smooth and calm it was as a mirror. I gazed upon the magnificent castle and a roaring river where we took the time to help a farmer with a scarecrow problem. What truly shook my heart though, was the Forest of Illusions. I felt as if I could stay there for the rest of my life, lying under the canopy and listening to the musical sound of the wind rustling through the leaves. It's a place of peace and I feel my heart will desire to return for many days. It reminds me why I have chosen a life of uncertainty and possibly death, so that places like this will be forever protected.
There was little battle and the skirmishes that did take place were mostly animals and bandits, but I did more than hold my own for perhaps the first time. My arrows struck true and my blades bit deep. I felt like I had truly felt the spirit of Kithairien flowing through me, guiding my hand.

Dalila talked little it seems, but I felt a great kinship with my companions. Tialle and I have now stood side by side on three excursions. She is a cunning mind and a kind soul. We have become fast friends and her sense of humor countinually lightens my spirits. Lino is one remarkable little man. His heart should not fit in a breast so small and his energy is contageous. I took the time of studying him. His ability to remain unseen is exceptional and I've been soaking up as much of his technique as I can. He has a great natural ability due in large part to his height, but I see how a use of my own much taller frame could lead to a similar advantage, but in a slight reverse application. I'll have to continue to study.

[magnusarin]

The last few days have been slow. I've dealt with several kobolds and Savon and I dealt with some restless dead in the Gloomwood, but I've had little on my plate. I've traveled a great deal, exploring a much as I can. I came for the first time to the city of Haven and its leader has asked me to deal with an ogre problem for him, but I fear I'll need a great deal of help before I can accomplish the task.
Tialle and I have journey a great deal together. It's odd that I know so little about her and yet I consider her one of my closest friends. She's quick with a smile or a joke and is always willing to lend a hand. I have to remember to ask her more about herself.

I did have one very interesting day. In the early morning I was leaving Hempstead to wander the woods. I had no real destination, just needed to get out of the city. As I was leaving I noticed Beili, a companion from the northern expedition, sitting near the pond. I went up to say hello and it was immediately evident something was wrong. I took a seat and we began to talk about how she has grown to resent being tied down. I know she has a relationship with Tadhg, but as to how serious it is I've never asked. We talked at length and eventually her mood started to lighten. Lino joined us after a time as did Savon. We talked at length of life, death, the nature of the adventurer, love and many things. From dawn till well past dusk we chatted. It was amazing to just talk with my new friends. So often I'm travelling from town to town and forest to forest that I have little time to sit and reflect. It's times like these that remind me that I'm lucky to lead the life that I do. My only problem with the entire leasurely day was the treatment of Gorzak. Lino met him with fear and curiostiy. Beil by rudely ignoring him and many others by mocking and demeaning him. The only other person who stood up for him was Sol, an elf I had marked as a callow and self-righteous jerk. It seems I was wrong and I owe him quite the apology next time I see him.

[magnusarin]

I saw Kinai in the streets this evening. I didn't know her well and I wasn't even sure if she's remember me, but I had to ask her about his ability to vanish in the plain light of day. With some hesitance I decided to approach her.
Much to my realief, Kinai did remember me and fairly well. So that was one hurdle I had over come, the next was just asking the question and hoping she didn't drop me on the spot for intruding on something possibly very personal.
Kinai didn't kill me nor did she berate me. She opened up to me and told me a fascinating and terrifying story. Kinai said that she was what was called a shadowdancer. Most who had taken up this mantle had done so through long training and study. Kinai was tricked into a much quicker path. She didn't go into great detail, but it seems that a Shadow approached Kinai with an offer for power and tricker her in to sacraficing an innocent man. After the pact was sealed, the Shadow entered Kinai, creating some kind of symbiotic relationship. In exchange for the host body, the Shadow gifted to her all this power.
It was enough to send a cold ache down my spine, but instead of dissuading me the cold was like a steel rod being driven into my determination. I asked the question I truly wanted to know. How could I learn this power? Could it be done without this cost?
Her answer was yes and that she would teach me. While she herself hadn't gone through the training, having aquired the power, she knew how to unlock it in others. She asked me several questions, testing my resolve but I know when I finally proved myself.
She told me of studying the shadows and staring into them, knowing that they would stare back, but having the will to withstand the temptation. I recollected my time, shortly after my training with the Elf had ended, when I studied the ogres and giants of the silkwoods and others in hopes of understanding how they had sacked my village all those years ago. I spent months in the shadows, hidden at close quarters. Listening to them, studying them. I learned their customs and habits. I watched their movements and I came to understand why they had done what they had. But at no time did I ever grow to pity them. They were the enemy and I would not forget that. That is how I regarded the shadow. I would study it and learn all I could. It was an enviroment, a tool that I would use against those who would oppress the weak.
Kinai accepted to train me.

[magnusarin]

Kinai took me to Mariner's Hold. She wouldn't say much other than she had heard there was something big going down. We arrived and the area outside the Inn was packed with adventurers. Kinai gave me my first lesson. Stay quiet, stay to the shadows and above all, be watchful. Take note of everything. With the dozen or so people there it was easy to keep unnoticed, though harder to keep all the conversations organized in my head.
The second lesson was to keep an aura of mystery about me. It not only keeps myself and those I care about safer, but your enemies never know what to expect. I spoke very little on the entire journey and my mask came off just once, briefly.
The third was to never underestimate my opponents because, they, like me, may be keeping their true abilities hidden. I should search for the truth about them and everything else.

Kinai and I were chosen to go with a group who were in an ongoing investigation into the activities of a wizard name Zoraje (at least I believe that was his name). We began by speaking with his maid, who had a connection from the last time this group had run in with the wizard. Apparently he had poisoned her. Well, she told us of a tower that stood in a desert across the sea.
We set out on a lengthy sail where I introduced myself to another ranger named Rain and his wife Sonya. I'm not sure if Kinai approved, but Rain paid my fare and I felt I owed him a thank you.
After arriving on the distant shore I looked out on the first desert my eyes had ever seen. The sands had a harsh beauty to it that called out to my heart. It was dangerous and devoid of the vegetation I had grown so used to in the forests. Here the desert would give you little to survive. You'd have to earn everything and in that struggle was a beauty. We travelled, battling ant men and the sun. We dealt with a struggle to get passed a large group of boulders. During this time I took my mask off to squeeze the sweat into my mouth for hydration, quickly putting it back on. Others were trying to take off clothes to stay cool. I tried to inform them that staying covered would best fend off the sun, but few listened.
We finally made our way to the tower. The entrance was blocked by a large boulder which the strongest of us sent to removing. For my part, I sat and waited for a long time in silence. As the time wittled by I decided to look for another option. After taking a walk around the tower, I pointed out that there was a window on the second floor. Kinai lassoed a hold of something and a few got up that way just as the boulder finally got moved.
Inside, things became very strange. We didn't go up the tower, but down into a basement. Kinai took point and I attempted to watch her movements and see what I could pick up. It was little however, since she was out of my sight and back again before I realized what had happened. We fought a great deal of minogons and horrible massive golems which my arrows could not pierce. I quit trying and took to standing in the back with Sonya until we came to a giant glowing altar which the mages informed us had a heavy enchantment. Then the wizard appeared. He was cryptic and deranged and spoke of finding the truth at the core of the world. It was all quite beyond me.
And then he was gone. And all our adventure required was a return trip that slid quietly into nothingness and back to Mariner's Hold.

[magnusarin]

I've taken more and more to wearing this mask. I can't tell if it's for the best or the worst. There is something empowering about staying behind it. I see so much and no one ever really sees me, but I fear I'm growing cold. It doesn't effect people I already hold as friends, but I think I'm standoffish now to strangers. Maybe I'm taking Kinai's lessons a bit to far.

I've spent so much time with myself lately. In part it's the lack of friends abroad, but part of it is just my desire to be alone. I spend so much time just wandering now...but what am I looking for? That's the real question. I keep staring of into the night and imaging the shadows and darkness are moving, living things. I think I'm becoming a little paranoid...that might serve me well.

How I wish I could just melt into the shadows lately. I've begun to fell more and more uncomfortable in the cities and only go there to use the craft halls or docks. When I go to Port Hempstead now I wait outside by the pond if I'm meeting someone or out in the fields under the cotton field tree. I find myself wanting to just slip away when I'm in big groups, especially with those I don't know well. I want to see but not be seen. I find myself clinging to the small groups I feel safe with: Tialle, Lino, Coyote, Savon...I feel the list grows shorter by the day.

I met with Lino, Kinai and Hawk today. I'm not going to go into detail, but something is going down. Part of me was screaming in my head that I should say something, but I didn't. Why? Lino wouldn't have cared if I spoke up, at least I don't believe so. Am I worried about what Kinai will think because she's training me? I did the same all those years ago in the wilds with the Elf. I've quit pushing her for more lessons, but somehow I feel like I've learned more on my own. She gives me sayings and I learn on my own to implement them. She did tell me my fourth lesson though: Know when to duck. Duck out seems to be the jist of that. Learn when to cut your losses. I don't know, maybe that's what I should do now...

It was my birthday today. I almost forgot. At nineteen I'm already underwhelmed by my own anniversary. I told Lino, but only because I thought I was supposed to. He was generous though, as he always is. Gifting me a bow and discussing that he should teach me the halfing tongue since we can't really speak freely in thieve's cant. Everyone seems to know it now a days.