A Woman's Journal

[ystrday]

I'm making a quick reminder to myself.. Make sure we do not mix Sall's "special" bottles with the ones we use for home use.

That man, well it's good to know that he still has a knack for finding trouble. Not only that but I have another set of ears out there that can let me know how much trouble Sall is REALLY getting into.

[ystrday]

*She quietly slips out of there make shift shelter to rummage in her backpack to retrieve her journal. With a smile she sits indian style, wrapping the blanket around herself as she begins to write by the dimming light of the camp fire.*

I do not know what it is, but things have changed between Sall and I, we are more loving to one another, almost like teenagers. Maybe spending those months in the Under Dark, not knowing if we were going to live or die, become slaves ourselves or what made us come closer together. The past few days traveling together we have laughed, talked, shared more then we have in a long time. Yes, we do still have our moments when I wish to singe those eyebrows of his, and he I have to deal with his temper, but I guess there comes a point in time that the foundation settles and you just know it is solid.

*she stops a moment, to peek into the shelter to see Sall sprawled on his back, one hand on his chest, and his mouth open snoring away.*

A foundatin. That is what I wish for Trouble, and I hope he can see clearly the mistake he is making. Trouble tells me he is, that it is just for fun what he is doing, that he has no feelings in this so-called relationship of his more then just having fun. I made sure prior to this that he was not lying to me anymore. I told him of the consequence never to allow that woman into my home if he wishes to keep his key. I will have to ask him the next time I see him to make sure that he is respecting that. I would hate to think that he would go against it.

So, we shall wait and see what happens, and how long Trouble will have his fun.

*the last few words are messed up, when a pair of hands comes out of the shelter behind her to pull her back in*

[ystrday]

Oh this is going to be grand! *laughing as she writes* I cannot wait to find Alantha and get some ideas. Ohh yes... yes.. this feels right, by Folian it is the right time.

[ystrday]

Nothing says more of the trust and love someone has in you then standing out in the middle of nowhere and being the guniea pig for your new spell that you've spent what seems your whole life to learn. It had to be done, and He agreed with me. Sall is definately the man for me, no other could do what He does for me, and I for him... Nothing says I love you more then a Hell Ball.

[ystrday]

I have procrastinated as long as I can writing in my journal. I don't know why, strike that I do know why. For the same reason I have left certain things alone in the house that He had last touched, placed or commented on to me that I cannot bear to put away, fix or let anyone move. Deep in my mother's heart I did not want to accept that He would never come back, and in that mother's heart clinged to the hope that everyone was wrong, even Sallaron, and He'll be back, just as sassy as before. But as days, turned into weeks and weeks into months.. I realized that my son, was.. gone and all this power within me couldn't bring him back. I hate it! I hate it.. I hate it.. I hate it.. they say time heals wounds, and I'm waiting for the day that I don't feel guilty that I am alive, able to walk in this world, laugh, help friends.. and just live and my son cannot.. Folian must have a plan and im clinging to that hope that there was a reason why He took Trouble so young.

Jurn, poor Jurn, he came into our home wanted, but at the worst possible time, just a few days before Trouble passed. It was a terrible blow to Sall and myself the days after Trouble's death, and the poor guy so mentally abused himself only with the grace of the mental block from an Aragenite Priest suppressing his memories, was terribly confused by Salls and mine behavior. Jurn takes a difficult time in trusting people, and during those rough days it took my whole being not to lock myself up in my room and just have everyone go away! But Jurn would call for me and Sall, and Sall tried I know but He was terribly distant, grieving in his way.

And now? My wound still hurts, and I miss him as much now as I did a few months ago. What does that mean? It means that Trouble's coat that he tossed on the couch is still there, it means that I bake His favorite blueberry pie once a month and Screech and myself take it to His grave and leave it for him. And it means that I have to accept that my son is up wherever he is watching over His parents and I talk to him daily in my prayers.

*the entry is dotted with tears*

Be at peace my son.

[ystrday]

Here I am, at home with a house full of boys, poor Screech he's not up to it like he used to be. It is somewhat funny, when Ell brought Argos over for Jurn's and Argos playdate, I got Argos and she got Screech. Its always that way, it seems since Trouble passed on Screech doesn't really do much till Ell shows up at the house. And there are times Screech does not come home for days, as if he's checking on Sall and myself.

*All of a sudden a large clank, clunk, bang can be heard from the kitchan as if pots are smacked off the kitchen counter coming from the kitchen area and Jurn's voice rings out*

Don't worry Momma! We will clean it up! *as the sounds of wooden sword fighting can be heard once more from the kitchen heading down the hallway*

*moaning at the thought of two 8 year old boys trying to "help" clean up, sighing Tegan continues writing in her journal by the fireplace*

A few days ago Sall and myself had a nice trip on Belinara, and we had long conversations of his trip, of Fisterion and what transpired. All I can say those who dared to hurt Sallaron will get theirs, if not for their stupidity alone.

*Her writing is once again interrupted by a sound like a painting falling off the wall and Argos pipes up*

Sorry Auntie! *Argos mutters to Jurn* Your Momma is still going to give me pie aint she? Because my Momma's pies come out black and smelly. Not like Missess Tegans all bubbly and smelling good! *Jurn tells Argos* Of course she will! -My- Dad told me one day to bat my eyelashes like a girl and I will never be in trouble again! And my dad dont lie! *Argos appeased by that, it does not take much convincing for them to continue on with there bet to see who is best with the sword*

It has been year that my son has passed *she looks up to the couch that holds Trouble's coat* And I still hate that time is passing without him, there is so much that I wanted to say to him that I never will be able to. But I am beginning to see the Priests words that everyday it'll get better and better. I am not sure about that just yet, but the pain is not piercing like it was. My heart will never be healed, and I will miss my son always and forever. But I do know I will see him again, and I know he's waiting for me on the other side.

*Tegan takes a moment to stare intently at the fire before her, then slowly moves to Trouble's coat. As she once again begins to write she is startled by someone abruptly opening a door wide open as it bangs the wall*

It is I! The one, the only.. Master of the Wooden Blade! Tremble at my feet peons! *Tegan rolls her eyes with a cheeky grin recognizing the voice of her dear Husband. She rubs her temple groaning, she can hear the three fighting in the library, the cheers of a good blow, to the whining of he cheated.. to Sall saying that its his house and he could cheat if he wanted to.*

Yes, time does move on it seems, how I wish I could go back in time and bring Trouble back, but I know I cannot, and its time I begin to move forward. I know it does not mean in doing so I forgot my son, Trouble will always be with me, and I am comforted with that.

*Closing her journal,Tegan stands and moves to the couch to reverently pick up Trouble's coat, bringing it to her chest to do one thing that she will never be able to do to her son again, hug it to her.  With a sad smile and a soft sigh she begins to walk towards her room when all of a sudden she hears a large crash, swearing and breaking glass. Quickly Tegan runs to the next room where she sees Jurn and Argos standing together mouths gaped open, wide eyed, looking at Sall who is sprawled on his back with the end table on its side the vase broken, flowers and water spilled all over the floor, and her best chair also tilted backwards.*

Wh..wha.. what happened?! *she asks*

*simultanously the boys point to Sallaron, and without missing a beat* Sweets! *the batting of the eyelashes begins*